"LOOK, THAT BOX LIKES A Coffin!"
The skeleton's empty eye sockets gazed at the children. The back of the head was visible through the hole in the nose. Suddenly one of the legs lifted from the stand and took a step. A second leg followed her. Now the skeleton stood by itself. He didn't need a stand. The dry hand swung forward. The index finger stared at the guys' chest. The closed jaws parted. The skeleton seemed to be smiling.
Even more - scoffs.
- You yourself wanted it! It's time to answer for everything! A terrible voice rasped.
The day, of course, was overcast. Cloudy November day. Slush, rain mixed with snow. For some reason, such events always take place on bad days. Well, that's by the way. So far, nothing has happened. For now.
Before the literature lesson, eighth-graders Philip Khitrov and Petka Mokrenko stood in the corridor and conferred. However, "consulted" is not the right word. In fact, it was a conspiracy.
“Lady Macbeth will bury me for sure today! I can smell it! Am I to blame, perhaps, that I didn't have enough time to compose? What is this fashion in general to ask essays at home? We have that, negros? - Khitrov was indignant.
- Oh! Like a disgrace! - Mokrenko responded.
- Do you understand me, brother?
- I understand you, brother! - honestly assented Mokrenko. Yesterday they mixed sulfur with saltpeter together.
- She has been bothering me for a long time. "Khitrov, today you won't hand over your essay, but tomorrow you will steal a million and go to jail!" Brother, have you ever heard such nonsense?
- Nah, brother, did not hear! Like it is horrible! - Petka boomed.
He towered over Filka by about a head and a half. His figure was appropriate. If he was not teased with "fattrest", it was only because the fat man could punch him. Once Mokrenko was engaged in boxing, but then he quit. "I fell out of weight categories!" - he explained.
It is even strange that they were friends - a little nimble Filka and a giant Mokrenko. However, opposites attract. To a certain extent. Then everything happens exactly the opposite.
- In short, I am thinking of taking a walk, - summed up Filka.
In their pair, he was always the ringleader. Probably because his brain worked five times faster than that of his giant friend.
Petka grunted incredulously.
- You will get a couple!
- Why is this?
- Don't you know Lady Macbeth? Plus we ran into her on the stairs. Like five minutes ago. And she looked at you very closely.
Khitrov chewed his lips.
- Hmm ... "You will get a couple!" He grumbled. - And you yourself will not get it?
Mokrenko grinned.
- I do not care. I have nowhere to put them anyway. I'm not pretending to be good.
- Mmm ... What if I got sick?
- In five minutes?
- You never know what can happen in five minutes? - Philip chuckled. - Does a person have the right to get sick or not?
- Yeah, it does. Inflammation of the cunning. Khitrov got sick with inflammation of cunning! Gee!
Filka didn't like it. He frowned.
- Don't joke like that, brother!
- Well, brother, like I won't, - said Mokrenko. - And if you want to be absent with a good reason, let me punch you. I will arrange an eyebrow dissection - it doesn't hurt, but it looks scary.
Khitrov presumptuously rubbed his eyebrow, but did not accept his friend's generous offer.
The bell rang. Friends-loafers reluctantly dragged themselves into the classroom, but then ...
- Khitrov! Mokrenko!
They turned around. Folding his arms on his chest, head teacher Andrei Andreich was staring at them. At school he had the nickname Staphylococcus aureus. Andrei Andreevich had a lot in common with this microbe: both are small, nimble and ubiquitous.
- Khitrov! Mokrenko! Do you want to work hard? - asked the head teacher.
The Lobsters looked at each other.
- Uh ... - Petka hesitated.
If he was distinguished by hard work, it was only in relation to food. For example, when it came to dumplings. Or cutlets.
- Actually, we have a lesson now. Favorite literature lesson, taught by our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna, - said Filka.
In the eyes of the head teacher Khitrov, everyday work was imagined. Something like cleaning the schoolyard this coming Sunday afternoon. "Hurrah! Take more - drag on! Dig from the school wall to last call! " All this was quite in the taste of Staphylococcus.
Staphylococcus furrowed his eyebrows. He was losing patience with the swiftness with which a pound weight falls from the balcony of the ninth floor.
- So I did not understand: do you have a desire to work for the good of the school or not? He repeated irritably.
- Uh! - said Petka.
- Don't moo! Speak clearly! - Staphylococcus barked.
“I’m like I don’t hum. I said "uh"! - Mokrenko snapped uncertainly.
Suddenly the Staphylococcus aureus stopped boiling and gurgling. He seems to have figured out the hitch.
- I clarify: you will need to work instead of a lesson! I take you off literature. It is now clear? He asked, narrowing his eyes.
Lobotryazy looked at each other again. Here it is - a good reason! Lucky case!
“Head teachers sometimes have brains too,” Filka decided.
- So instead of literature? I hope our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna will not be very upset, ”he said. - What can't you do for your own school? .. And what actually needs to be done?
Staphylococcus aureus stretched his lips either in a smile, or in a snide grin.
- There are boxes in the office. Drag them to the fourth floor and give them to the teacher in the biology room. Questions?
- No questions!
- Then step march! - Staphylococcus barked and disappeared, in a second to appear somewhere else.
Perhaps he even disappeared before he barked. He always did that.
- Everything turned out great, brother! - said Khitrov.
- I myself know what is cool! - agreed Mokrenko.
Having come to this unanimous opinion, they rushed down. To the office.
Fly to me, doves! I am waiting for you! I've been waiting for you for a long time!
The boxes were few. Only five. And only one of them is big. Petka Mokrenko chuckled contentedly.
- We need to stretch five boxes for a whole lesson! - said Filka Khitrov.
- Clear pepper! - Mokrenko nodded.
In such things, they always understood each other perfectly.
The skeleton's empty eye sockets gazed at the children. The back of the head was visible through the hole in the nose. Suddenly one of the legs lifted from the stand and took a step. A second leg followed her. Now the skeleton stood by itself. He didn't need a stand. The dry hand swung forward. The index finger stared at the guys' chest. The closed jaws parted. The skeleton seemed to be smiling.Even more - scoffs.
- You yourself wanted it! It's time to answer for everything! A terrible voice rasped.
1
The day, of course, was overcast. Cloudy November day. Slush, rain mixed with snow. For some reason, such events always take place on bad days. Well, that's by the way. So far, nothing has happened. For now.
Before the literature lesson, eighth-graders Philip Khitrov and Petka Mokrenko stood in the corridor and conferred. However, "consulted" is not the right word. In fact, it was a conspiracy.
“Lady Macbeth will bury me for sure today! I can smell it! Am I to blame, perhaps, that I didn't have enough time to compose? What is this fashion in general to ask essays at home? We have that, negros? - Khitrov was indignant.
- Oh! Like a disgrace! - Mokrenko responded.
- Do you understand me, brother?
- I understand you, brother! - honestly assented Mokrenko. Yesterday they mixed sulfur with saltpeter together.
- She has been bothering me for a long time. "Khitrov, today you won't hand over your essay, but tomorrow you will steal a million and go to jail!" Brother, have you ever heard such nonsense?
- Nah, brother, did not hear! Like it is horrible! - Petka boomed.
He towered over Filka by about a head and a half. His figure was appropriate. If he was not teased with "fattrest", it was only because the fat man could punch him. Once Mokrenko was engaged in boxing, but then he quit. "I fell out of weight categories!" - he explained.
It is even strange that they were friends - a little nimble Filka and a giant Mokrenko. However, opposites attract. To a certain extent. Then everything happens exactly the opposite.
- In short, I am thinking of taking a walk, - summed up Filka.
In their pair, he was always the ringleader. Probably because his brain worked five times faster than that of his giant friend.
Petka grunted incredulously.
- You will get a couple!
- Why is this?
- Don't you know Lady Macbeth? Plus we ran into her on the stairs. Like five minutes ago. And she looked at you very closely.
Khitrov chewed his lips.
- Hmm ... "You will get a couple!" He grumbled. - And you yourself will not get it?
Mokrenko grinned.
- I do not care. I have nowhere to put them anyway. I'm not pretending to be good.
- Mmm ... What if I got sick?
- In five minutes?
- You never know what can happen in five minutes? - Philip chuckled. - Does a person have the right to get sick or not?
- Yeah, it does. Inflammation of the cunning. Khitrov got sick with inflammation of cunning! Gee!
Filka didn't like it. He frowned.
- Don't joke like that, brother!
- Well, brother, like I won't, - said Mokrenko. - And if you want to be absent with a good reason, let me punch you. I will arrange an eyebrow dissection - it doesn't hurt, but it looks scary.
Khitrov presumptuously rubbed his eyebrow, but did not accept his friend's generous offer.
The bell rang. Friends-loafers reluctantly dragged themselves into the classroom, but then ...
- Khitrov! Mokrenko!
They turned around. Folding his arms on his chest, head teacher Andrei Andreich was staring at them. At school he had the nickname Staphylococcus aureus. Andrei Andreevich had a lot in common with this microbe: both are small, nimble and ubiquitous.
- Khitrov! Mokrenko! Do you want to work hard? - asked the head teacher.
The Lobsters looked at each other.
- Uh ... - Petka hesitated.
If he was distinguished by hard work, it was only in relation to food. For example, when it came to dumplings. Or cutlets.
- Actually, we have a lesson now. Favorite literature lesson, taught by our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna, - said Filka.
In the eyes of the head teacher Khitrov, everyday work was imagined. Something like cleaning the schoolyard this coming Sunday afternoon. "Hurrah! Take more - drag on! Dig from the school wall until the last bell! " All this was quite in the taste of Staphylococcus.
Staphylococcus furrowed his eyebrows. He was losing patience with the swiftness with which a pound weight falls from the balcony of the ninth floor.
- So I did not understand: do you have a desire to work for the good of the school or not? He repeated irritably.
- Uh! - said Petka.
- Don't moo! Speak clearly! - Staphylococcus barked.
“I’m like I don’t hum. I said "uh"! - Mokrenko snapped uncertainly.
Suddenly the Staphylococcus aureus stopped boiling and gurgling. He seems to have figured out the hitch.
- I clarify: you will need to work instead of a lesson! I take you off literature. It is now clear? He asked, narrowing his eyes.
Lobotryazy looked at each other again. Here it is - a good reason! Lucky case!
“Head teachers sometimes have brains too,” Filka decided.
- So instead of literature? I hope our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna will not be very upset, ”he said. - What can't you do for your own school? .. And what actually needs to be done?
Staphylococcus aureus stretched his lips either in a smile, or in a snide grin.
- There are boxes in the office. Drag them to the fourth floor and give them to the teacher in the biology room. Questions?
- No questions!
- Then step march! - Staphylococcus barked and disappeared, in a second to appear somewhere else.
Perhaps he even disappeared before he barked. He always did that.
- Everything turned out great, brother! - said Khitrov.
- I myself know what is cool! - agreed Mokrenko.
Having come to this unanimous opinion, they rushed down. To the office.
Fly to me, doves! I am waiting for you! I've been waiting for you for a long time!
2
The boxes were few. Only five. And only one of them is big. Petka Mokrenko chuckled contentedly.
- We need to stretch five boxes for a whole lesson! - said Filka Khitrov.
- Clear pepper! - Mokrenko nodded.
In such things, they always understood each other perfectly.
Mokrenko looked around the office. Large ragged safe. Table. A computer. And not a single soul around. The secretary went out somewhere, and Staphylococcus, like a restless ghoul, rushed somewhere across the floors.
- I wonder what kind of dregs were brought to the biology office?
Filka went to the boxes and squatted down next to them.
- Be careful, they are like glued! The fat man warned him.
Khitrov snorted contemptuously.
- Just think, glued! They are not hammered in with nails. And then, if we think logically, who did they bring these boxes for?
- For whom? - Petka was puzzled.
- For schoolchildren, dolt! And who are we? Pupils. This means we can poke our nose wherever we please. Do you personally like it?
- Clear pepper!
- And it pleases me!
Khitrov resolutely opened the top drawer and looked inside. Mokrenko pushed him aside and looked in too.
- Ugh, you are some kind of dried jellyfish! He spat.
- Not a jellyfish, but a starfish!
- And I don't care. It's still rotten. Give me the next one! .. Wow, did you see that?
A stuffed raven was found in a nearby box.
Its dry yellow beak was parted, and its dull feathers were ripped up.
A metal ring gleamed dimly on the crow's right leg. The dead bird's fixed eye gazed directly at Khitrov.
« You yourself are to blame for sticking your nose where it is not necessary! You will pay for it soon! Pay a dear price! Own life!" - suddenly heard Filka someone's voice.
Looking around in fright, he hastened to slam the lid. The voice ceased.
"Imagined!" - decided Khitrov.
He did not want to go anywhere else, but Mokrenko's curiosity aroused, to whom everything reached ten minutes later than to the giraffe. But when it did come, it lingered for a long time in its dense convolutions.
- Move the basin, otherwise you will be the toilet! - ordered Mokrenko, pushing Filka away from the boxes.
- Tear off the tape carefully - why are you tearing the lid? Khitrov grumbled, making room for his friend.
- Don't teach a scientist! Well, let's see what is there? ..
Petka put his nose into the box and snorted in disappointment:
- Ugh, some kind of digestion schemes! I need them like a parachutist a ship's anchor!
- And really, why do you need any schemes? You can digest earthworms even without schemes! - Filka muttered in an undertone.
Mokrenko glanced overcastly at him. He did not like to be reminded of this story. Well, never mind, he will someday find that pig that threw an earthworm in his pasta. And when he finds this bastard ... Petka even sniffed.
There were now only two unopened boxes.
One is small, tightly sealed, made of black cardboard.
Another is a long one, made of fresh spruce boards. This box was the largest they had been assigned to carry.
- Look, that box looks like a coffin! - suddenly said Filka.
- Clear pepper, - agreed Mokrenko, ceasing to sniff.
His friend rubbed his forehead.
- But this cannot be a coffin?
- What? - Petka did not understand.
- Well, I mean with a real coffin. Most likely, this is a regular box. What do you think?
- Of course, usual. Where does the coffin come from? Coffins in the cemetery. They are not dragged to schools, are they? - Mokrenko shrugged his shoulders.
Glancing involuntarily at the large box, they occupied themselves with the small box. Filka carefully taped the tape and lifted the lid. The inside of the box was lined with red thick paper. On paper, occupying almost the entire box, lay ...
- You've seen? - Mokrenko gasped in amazement.
- Take him!
- Take it yourself! .. Okay, let me!
« Do not do that ! " An inner voice caught himself, but Khitrov had already held out his hand. If the heart were real, it could belong to a giant. All ventricles, arteries and atria were clearly visible.
The worst thing is that the heart did not at all look like a fake. “So what, what doesn't look like? There are all sorts of dummies! " - thought Filka, but then he again heard a voice:
« A dummy? Naive jerk! Was it ever a fake?»
- Give it here, I'll try it on! You see, if this is in my chest! Bump, bump, pounding! Like a motor! - Mokrenko exclaimed impatiently.
He grabbed Filka's heart and began to push it under his shirt. Suddenly Petka's face turned gray, his jaw dropped - and with horror he hurried to throw his heart back into the box.
- What happened?
“N-nothing!
- Like nothing? What, have I not seen your face?
- I kind of dreamed that it was beating! - Mokrenko laughed uncertainly. His cheeks were gradually regaining color.
Filka narrowed his eyes in disbelief. He realized that Petka was trying to cheat him, and how deftly. I didn’t expect from anyone!
“All right,” said Khitrov. - Let's take a look at the big box one last time and drag it. And so the lesson bye-bye!
He squatted down in front of the coffin-like box and studied it.
- Give me a ruler! That one, iron, from the Staphylococcus table! There is nothing to pick up the lid with! Get moving! - commanded Filka.
Hooking up the lid with the ruler, Khitrov opened the box wide and staggered back. An invisible, icy hand gripped his throat. Mokrenko, who was standing behind him, let out a soft sigh.
“I knew you would do it, you pathetic people! Well, it's your own fault that everything happened so soon. "
A skeleton lay on its back in a box.
He was large, with yellowish bones and empty eye sockets that gazed motionless at the ceiling. The skeleton's arms with long, dry fingers were folded over the chest. On one of the fingers, namely the index finger of the right hand, a metal ring gleamed dully. The same as a raven.
Filka immediately wanted to slam the drawer, but the lid slid to the floor. To lift it, it was necessary to bend over the very skeleton, and for some reason the boy did not dare. His whole body felt like cotton.
Wadded and heavy. Like a stranger.
Probably the same thing happened to his friend. Khitrov did not see Petka, but he could hear well how he was breathing intermittently.
- What it is? - Mokrenko breathed out.
- C-skeleton.
- I myself can see that the skeleton. Why is he?
- Mathematics will be taught instead of Ygrek. What are you asking me? You ask Staphylococcus, - snapped Khitrov.
- Hey, what is he from? Plastic? - Petka was not even offended, he was so much puzzled.
- I do not know. Not sure. Look at his teeth - one rot! If it were plastic, the teeth would be as good as new. And this one has almost no teeth left, - Filka began to reason, to whom calmness gradually returned.
- Well, yes, rot! What is it?
- These are not teeth. These are fangs. Such are screaming in the neck and ... Look!
Cheering, Filka stuck his finger between the skeleton's jaws. Suddenly there was a dry click. Jaws slammed shut by themselves, pinching a finger.
Filka pulled out his finger with a yell. Blood came out on him.
There was also blood on the skeleton's right fang.
"HE CLUTCHED INTO ME!"
- Girl, and girl, why do you have such big teeth?
- My grandfather is an executioner, my grandmother is a ghoul, my dad is a werewolf, my mom is a vampire. That's why!
Chronicles of the other world
1
- He grabbed me! - shouted Khitrov. - You saw: he grabbed!
Petka burst out laughing. His round cheeks jumped like two tomatoes.
- Oh, I can't! Hilarious! The skeleton clung to it! He squealed, holding his stomach.
Mokrenko's laughter was too thin. Unexpectedly thin for such a giant.
This laughter brought Filka to his senses. Khitrov immediately realized what weapon he had given the fat man in his hands. “Have you seen this guy? - Petka will speak to the whole class. - Do you know what happened to him recently? His skeleton tapped his finger! And he screamed, bless you! I almost fainted! " A skeleton clinging to a finger is more abruptly for you than an inappropriately chewed earthworm. The eighth "A" will tear their tummies until the very summer holidays.
But Filka did not have time to think about this problem from all sides, when suddenly the frowning face of Staphylococcus poked through the door.
- Khitrov, Mokrenko! Where should you be?
The loafers shuddered at once.
Then Staphylococcus looked down and saw an open box with a skeleton. The skeleton's jaws, strangely closed when Filka put his finger between them, now opened slightly again. The expression on the yellow skull at the same time was such as if he was rolling with laughter.
For a moment, the head teacher froze, and then his eyebrows crept to the bridge of his nose. And the right eyebrow for some reason crawled faster, and the left kept trying to get stuck somewhere along the road.
- Khitrov, why is the exhibit unpacked? Who even allowed you to look into the drawer?
“Uh… ah… it was,” Filka muttered.
Staphylococcus contorted his mouth in disbelief.
- Do you take me for an idiot? For a fool? For a dumbass? For a complete nerd? Take your pick!
Filka was at a loss, not knowing what to choose from.
- And the ruler from my desk? She also forged the lid herself? Okay, Khitrov, I'll deal with you later! In the meantime, carry the boxes briskly! One leg here - the other there! I'll check it in five minutes!
The head teacher for some reason glanced sideways at the skeleton, turned and quickly trotted to the door. Realizing that he was about to leave, Filka plucked up courage.
- Can I ask? He blurted out.
Staphylococcus turned around impatiently.
- What else is not clear, Khitrov?
- Andrei Andreevich, we argued here ... Is this skeleton real?
The question was, in general, stupid. Stupid and mediocre. But Staphylococcus for some reason tensed.
- In what sense: real or not real? He said nervously.
- Well, is he dead or plastic?
- From ten dead! I'll make a skeleton out of you, if the boxes aren't on the fourth floor in five seconds! - Staphylococcus barked and disappeared with surprising haste even for him.
Filka stared at his friend thoughtfully.
- Do you understand something? - he asked.
“Nope,” Mokrenko shook his head.
- In my opinion, Staphylococcus is dark!
- In my opinion, too dark!
- Okay, nothing to do. Take the boxes!
Filka bent down to lift the lid. For a moment, his face was very close to the empty eye sockets of the skull. Khitrov fancied that for a moment a blue ironic flame flared up in them. The boy's heart began to pound, and the finger with a small wound caked on it throbbed with pain.
- What are you digging for? How long to wait for you? - Petka shouted impatiently, already sticking out in the doorway.
Shaking off his stupor, Filka hastily threw the lid on the box and grabbed it by the edge.
- Step aside, small fry! You can't see: we carry the coffin! - shouted at someone Mokrenko, squeezing into the corridor.
The fat man really liked that they were pulling the skeleton, and wanted to attract more spectators.
When the large box was reopened in the biology room, it was suddenly found that the skeleton was lying on its side, and its arms, previously folded across its chest, were now stretched out along the torso.
- You've seen? Saw? He rolled over! - Filka croaked.
- Aha, brother! Like I wanted to get out by the throat too: crunch! A pool of blood and you're a corpse! Nice to meet the skeleton of Count Dracula! Petka blurted out lightly.
The fat man explained the new position of the skeleton by the fact that on the way they shook the box several times in order to let the girls he knew listen to the bones rumble.
Although Mokrenko explained everything plausibly, Filka still felt uneasy. It even seemed to him that the skeleton, in order to hear better, slightly turned its head to one side ...
2
On that day, Khitrov returned home earlier than usual. He even refused Mokrenko's tempting offer to go to him and start making gunpowder. Filka was in a bad mood. He felt a vague uneasiness that he could not shake off.
- Idiot Staphylococcus! Stuck with my boxes! It would be better if they slapped me a couple, - Khitrov muttered on the way, kicking an empty can of gin and tonic.
Opening the door with his key, Filka stepped into the corridor and immediately heard a heartbreaking female cry coming from the kitchen.
- No no no! Don't you dare come near! Ah!
The woman screamed even louder and fell silent. A bubbling roar and crunch became distinctly audible. Judging by this sound, someone was being devoured in their kitchen, and in a raw, freshly cut form.
The boy crept to the kitchen and looked inside. At the table sat his older brother Victor, a veterinary student, and watched a horror movie on a video. Filka was relieved, but still asked, just in case:
- Is that you, Vitya?
- No, not me! My brother answered dully, turning around.
Filka's scream merged with the scream of the half-eaten lady from the TV. Looking at his brother's face, Khitrov Jr. backed away and crashed into the refrigerator with his back. He fancied that his brother's mouth was covered with blood. There was blood on his lips and even his chin.
Victor dropped his fork.
- Why are you yelling? - he asked.
- Blood! You've got blood!
The veterinarian student licked his lips.
- It's ketchup, donkey!
- Ketchup?
- Well, yes, ketchup, I eat dumplings. Well, you bro, give it! You didn’t hit your head for an hour?
Here Khitrov Jr. really saw that his brother was eating dumplings, and next to him was a bottle of ketchup. Filka felt uneasy. After this idiotic bite incident, he acted like a nutcase.
The veterinarian student, meanwhile, began to reason:
- A man lives for himself. It seems to be quite normal, but he will catch his head on something, and he has quirks. Like that girl who dumped me. Well, she just jumped her head. How are you with this case?
- No, I didn't knock my head, - Filka said doubtfully. - I have something else. The skeleton bit my finger today!
My brother looked at him with interest and dipped a dumpling in ketchup.
- Look, Philip, now don't get mad! He warned.
- Don't you freak out? - asked Filka.
Vitka even got up from his place:
- Haven't you heard of rabies? It's a dangerous thing, I'm telling you this as a doctor. Forty injections in the stomach - and that does not help. If you were a cow, I would tell you to be put to sleep.
- Put to sleep?
- For a sweet soul. But since you are not a cow, live for now. Keep in mind: if you start to be afraid of water, I warned you. Actually, it could be even worse. Rabies is still in bloom! - Victor added after thinking.
- Worse? What's worse? - asked the brother anxiously.
The student took a spectacular pause. He loved to scare.
“Do you see… Have you ever heard of vampires?
Filka swallowed. He'd heard about vampires twice today. First time from Mokrenko.
- I heard.
- What am I talking about? - Victor continued to savor. “Vampires, werewolves, ghouls and the like have one bad quality. Everyone they cry into becomes the same. Do you think?
- I think.
- That's it. Now imagine being bitten by a vampire skeleton. What follows from this? The fact that very soon you yourself will turn into the same handsome!
Victor took up dumplings again. The monster on the TV screen gutted another victim.
Filka pressed his back against the refrigerator. He felt that his brother was mocking him, but he still involuntarily listened to his words. Besides Victor, there was no one to talk about the skeleton with. Parents were not suitable for this: they were more interested in all sorts of boring things, like lessons.
- Listen, Vit, I'm serious. No kidding. I was bitten by a skeleton. Is there a logical explanation for this? - asked Khitrov Jr.
The brother yawned. This story, it seemed, was beginning to bore him.
“You're serious, and I'm serious. No need to stick your fingers anywhere. And the fact that he bit you, so here, probably, the point is in the spring.
- In the spring? - Filka was delighted.
- Well yes. These handsome men sometimes have springs attached to open and close their mouths. Show your teeth and all that. These glands are in their head. When you come to school, take a look.
Filka was annoyed. How hadn't he thought about the spring himself? Of course, it's her. Opening his mouth to the skeleton, he opened her, and she - once! - and slammed shut. That's all there is to it! "Clear pepper!" - as Mokrenko would say.
- And what is the skeleton made of? I mean, he's not real, is he? - asked Filka for final reassurance.
But instead of comforting him, his brother just shook his head.
- And here you are wrong ... It may even be real. It happens that people will bequeath their corpse for medical purposes. Drunkards do so often, drug addicts, and all the others who do not mind and need money. They are given a special stamp in their passport. So you live with this stamp and don’t blow your mustache, and when you die, they look at your passport and say: “Aha! Khitrov Philip Petrovich! Very handy! We have just received an order for one skeleton from the one hundred and second school. "
The veterinarian student imperceptibly jumped in the conversation to Filka himself, lowered his voice to a whisper and, leaning over to his brother, very effectively demonstrated how skin is ripped off his face.
The phone rang. Victor interrupted his fascinating story, got up and casually put the plate in the sink.
- Wash for me! He ordered. - At the same time, we will check if you have a hydrophobia. For lunatics and ghouls, this is a common thing.
- Consoled, there is nothing to say! Filka muttered.
"I WANT TO DRINK ANYTHING RED!"
- Have you seen where my head is?
- In the basement, your Abomination!
- I don't want to get her something. Let me squeeze yours!
Count Dracula pulled his head off the ghoul and went hunting.
The poor ghoul had no choice but to feel down to the basement and put on the count's head.
Chronicles of the other world
1
Filka had nightmares at night. More precisely, there was only one nightmare, but repeated many times in a row. It seemed to him that the skeleton was taking his hand and leading him into a black cave. There, in the cave, Filka sees with horror that he too has become a skeleton. The old skeleton puts him on the throne, puts a shiny hoop on his head and says dully:
«
Filka woke up in a cold sweat and lay for a long time looking at the ceiling. He did not want to get up, did not want to eat and did not want anything at all. The finger that bitten the skeleton yesterday is swollen. The wound did not overgrow, despite the fact that yesterday he smeared it with iodine.
Khitrov came to school ahead of time and in a disgusting mood. Before, neither one nor the other had happened to him.
- What did you dream? - he stuck to Mokrenko.
Petka took a sandwich out of the bag, looked at it and took a hair off the sandwich. All this he did with his usual slowness. Unlike ordinary people, the fat man managed to get hungry not by the end of the third or fourth lesson, but half an hour after breakfast.
- Well, - he muttered indignantly, addressing it is not clear to whom. - Like hair again! What a damn thing about my stomach! Like he will clog my intestines there, and they have a lamp.
- Did you hear what I asked you? What did you dream of?
Mokrenko shrugged his shoulders:
- Do I remember? Some kind of garbage.
- What exactly? Remember! - Filka demanded impatiently.
Mokrenko wrinkled his forehead for a long time, scratched his neck and at the end declared:
- I dreamed like I was walking through the forest, looking for where to test gunpowder, and there some dude was repairing a motorcycle. Either Ural-Solo, or even the dense Dnipro. I go up to him, ask like help. And he says to me: "Roll, we will do without snotty!"
Then he jumps on the motorcycle and starts chasing me. I take a can of gunpowder, set it on fire and ... Why do you ask? You don't care what I dreamed about?
- Already on the drum! - Khitrov assured him and walked away.
This pachyderm is fine, he thought enviously. - Can you break him? At least chew off his skeleton, he will only dream about nonsense! "
2
Filka went to his place, sat down and stared at the desk. He saw nothing, heard nothing, and noticed nothing. A strange numbness fell on him suddenly. Whenever I closed my eyes, my head began to spin. I really wanted to drink something red - Khitrov himself did not know what exactly. "Ketchup, maybe, or tomato juice?" He thought, but he felt that it was all wrong.
Suddenly Khitrov discovered that someone had been waving his hand in front of his face for a long time.
- Hey, Philip, what are you, deaf? Khitrov, by the way, I'm talking to you! The sonorous voice repeated impatiently.
Filka shook off his strange slumber. Natasha Zavyalova, the most beautiful girl in the class, was standing next to him. So, in any case, it seemed to Filke. However, almost all the boys thought the same way. The girls had their own opinion on this matter. However, girls always have a special opinion in relation to those who enjoy success.
The feeling that Filka felt for Natasha Zavyalova was very understandable: he fell in love with her. Often, returning from school, he imagined how he would protect Natasha from bandits, he would be wounded, not too dangerously, in the shoulder, and she would sit next to him and lay her head on his lap. Or he imagined that all people on Earth would go somewhere, no matter where, and only two would remain: he and Natasha. Filka will learn to drive - then it will be easy, she will sit with Natasha in a jeep, and they will drive along empty roads somewhere far, far, to the ocean.
As for the reciprocal feelings that Natasha had for Filka, these feelings were not known to him. The woman's heart is known to be dark. For all. Including for the owners of these hearts themselves.
- Khitrov, didn't you hear me at all? Are you a zombie? I asked you the same question twenty times! Natasha repeated indignantly.
- What question? - Filka did not understand.
Natasha energetically threw back the short blonde hair.
- Well, it starts again! I asked if it was possible to sit down with you on algebra? Alka, my neighbor, is ill. She either has acute respiratory infections, or ARVI, or the school has become scrap.
- Get hooked on algebra? Yes, of course you can ... - Filka caught himself. The glamor that had haunted him since the night before had vanished. He even forgot about the skeleton for a while.
Khitrov hastily pulled his bag off a nearby chair. Petka Mokrenko and others, like this skinny son of diplomat Anton Danilov, looked at him with envy.
Yagrek in Kvadrat ran into the class and started the lesson. The player in the Square was a very apt nickname for the teacher. "Igrek" - because his name was Igor, and "squared" - because of the checked jacket, which he constantly wore.
As usual, without greeting anyone and looking at his feet, Yogrek in Kvadrat rushed to his table and began mumbling another topic. When he mumbled, he was deaf as a black grouse, and you could talk as much as you wanted: he still did not hear anything.
- What got into you, Khitrov? - Natasha asked in a whisper, turning to her new neighbor.
“Found nothing,” Filka muttered.
Natasha narrowed her eyes. She was slightly nearsighted, but did not wear glasses.
- How found! I can see: you have become different.
- In what sense is different? - Filka was confused.
The girl raised her eyebrows in bewilderment.
- I do not know. It seems the same, but different. You look differently and - in general ...
- R-talkers! Cunning ditch, Zavyalova, now you will fly out of the door with me timid! Shy! - Yerk shouted nervously in the Square. "Rr" came out with a rolling and menacing tiger, but, despite this, no one was afraid of him.
Filka and Natasha patiently waited for Ygrek to resume his explanations and go deaf again.
Khitrov had a good algebra lesson. Not bad at all. Just a few days ago, he could not have believed that he could do it for so long - as much as forty-five minutes! - talk - and with whom! - with Natasha Zavyalova herself.
Previously, he had not dared to exchange a word with her for weeks. He just looked at her from afar, and when she turned to him, she puffed out her cheeks, threw her legs on the table, or began to laugh absurdly. Good Romeo if he dared only today - bitten by a skeleton!
And why does Natasha claim that he has changed? Nothing like this! Only the finger continues to hurt, but this is such nonsense! Just think, finger! If only it did not exist at all. Another thing is important: Natasha Zavyalova asked Filka to take her home.
Well, young Count Dracula, you are doing well, congratulations! Soon you will realize your own power. Very soon!
3
Half a day after this first lesson, Filka was at the height of bliss. He was in the clouds. The day that had begun so badly — a nightmare and an incomprehensible stupor — was now turning out remarkably well.
The English teacher Anna Borisovna - a little chubby old woman, the only one at school who had no nickname - made Filka read an excerpt from a new lesson. Khitrov began to read as he usually read - through a stump-deck, confident that he would receive at most a three, but suddenly overcame a difficult passage in one fell swoop. He read it and stopped, blinking in confusion. His voice sounded somehow unusually low and guttural. English words, in which he had previously been confused, as in long trousers, now popped out by themselves.
Anna Borisovna rolled her eyes and demanded in surprise:
- Khitrov, read it again!
Filka read another paragraph. The old woman listened to him almost frightened. Her plump white face with an elongated lip tube was all in fine wrinkles. She tilted her head now to the right and then to the left and moved her lips, as if checking herself.
- Philip! What's gotten into you? Your pronunciation is Oxford! - she exclaimed. - And this is you, who always had porridge in his mouth! Do you work with a tutor?
- Uh-huh! With a tutor! - Automatically muttered Filka, who had opened the textbook for the last time a week ago to add a mustache and horns to the lady in the picture.
He looked at the five in the diary puzzled and for some reason was not at all happy about it. Something was wrong here.
- Well, you fucking nerd! I’ve got a bit of a cog! - Anton Danilov hissed with envy from the front desk.
Whose cow would bellow! This Danilov himself was a natural nerd. Anton and Filka Khitrov have long been at enmity and fought regularly at the beginning of every quarter. In fair battles, Filka usually won, but Danilov then recouped for half a year, shitting on trifles. Something, but he knew how to shit. It was hereditary and professional.
Danilov continued to hiss something, but then Filka raised his head and, not knowing why, caught his eye. He did not listen attentively to the words that Anton uttered, almost even forgot about him, but for some reason he suddenly became very interested in the thin neck of the diplomat's son protruding from the collar.
Suddenly Danilov blinked, and his gaze became pitiful and frightened. As if shaking off a cobweb, he ran his hand over his face and hastily turned away.
“Danilov got scared of me! He was frightened, although I did not say anything to him, I just looked at him. What is happening to me? Whatever it is, I don't want it to go on! I want to become the same as before! " Filka thought anxiously.
4
The last lesson was biology. Filka stepped into the office and immediately saw the skeleton. The box disappeared. Now the skeleton was on a stand to the right of the Slippers table. The shoe is a ciliate. Infusoria is such a nasty nimble thing in the villi. The nimble thing is biology. Biology is what Shoe teaches. The shoe is an infusoria ... ugh, teacher ... And so on ad infinitum.
In short, the train of thought is clear. The logical ring closed.
- Aha! Old friend! Hi bro! Wandered at night? - Petka Mokrenko yelled as he ran into the classroom.
He jumped to the skeleton and patted him on the shoulder in a familiar manner. The skeleton's bony arms swayed.
Anton Danilov began to measure up with the height of the skeleton. But although the son of the diplomat was a good meter eighty, the skeleton was still a head taller than him.
- Yes, he was healthy! - Danilov said with respect and walked away.
Filka looked at his finger. Then he looked at the fang of the skeleton. The blood from the fang was gone.
Recalling what his brother had told him about the spring, Filka went up to the skeleton and, going around it, peered intently into its jaw. There was nothing like a spring inside the skull. The boy was sure of it now. If there was a spring, it would not have hidden from Khitrov - the skull was clearly visible from below. Even the light falling into the eye sockets was visible.
Suddenly, for no reason at all, it seemed to Filka that the skeleton, like yesterday, was mocking him. Mocks everyone. And why doesn't anyone notice?
Did you expect to see a spring? Is it not clear to you that this is not the case at all? Who do you want to fool?
Shoe entered the classroom. The nickname suited her very well. Even if she was not a biologist, she would still remain a Shoe. The slippers were on her feet. A tuft of hair on the back of the head seemed to be a flattened shoe. Even the nose had the same shape.
- Khitrov, do not stick around the skeleton! March into place! Class, get ready for your benchmark tests!
Filka trudged to his desk. His desk was the last one against the wall, next to a glass cabinet. Stalks of ivy and indoor grapes hung from the top of the cabinet. The shoe was a great lover of all kinds of plants. She even set a special rate: for each sheet torn off - two deuces in the magazine.
- "Green" from itself poses! Damn, we saw such "green" people in Germany! - Anton Danilov often grumbled. - Well, nothing, I will add some rubbish to her pot. Just to find out which one.
Filka began to take notebooks out of the bag. “So what if the spring is not visible? He reassured himself. "Maybe there is a special mechanism hidden inside the jaws themselves?"
Nevertheless, Khitrov preferred not to look at the skeleton. So it was easier for him to convince himself. Near the skeleton, all his confidence evaporated somewhere, and he felt as if bony hands had already laid on his neck.
Mokrenko, who was sitting next to Khitrov, nudged his friend with his elbow.
- What do you want?
- Look there!
- Leave me alone! - Filka snapped.
- And I tell you: look! Turn your head to the closet!
Knowing that Petka would not be untied, Khitrov turned and almost buried his nose in the glass. Behind the glass he saw a heart - the very heart that they brought in the box yesterday. Near the heart stood a tattered stuffed raven with a shiny ring on its leg.
- Like you recognize old friends? - Petka whispered. - As soon as I saw - I immediately truncated: they!
- Yes they! - Filka confirmed with bated breath.
For some reason, this neighborhood was unpleasant to him. It must have happened that the heart and the crow are in this cabinet. Of course, this is a coincidence. But there are twenty desks and four closets in the classroom! Is it too much for a coincidence?
- Listen, - Petka continued. - Look at the wings of this raven! Don't you notice anything?
- What should I notice?
- Yes, yesterday they seemed to be pressed, and today they are spread out, as if it takes off.
Filka licked his lips. Yes, it is: yesterday they were pinned. It is strange that he himself did not notice.
- The task for the first option! I will not repeat! Put the letter A, and after it the numbers: 1, 2, 3. In the upper right corner of the sheet: class and surname. There shouldn't be anything else. Is everything clear to everyone? - said the Shoe loudly.
- I'm not clear! - put in Anton Danilov.
The slipper turned to him. She already had a rough idea of \u200b\u200bwhat would begin now, but all the same, like a fly, she flew into the very cobweb.
The class prepared for daily entertainment.
- What is not clear to you, Danilov?
- You said you would write your surname. And don't write the name?
“You can write the name,” said Shoe with irritation. - Is that all, Danilov?
- Not all, - answered Anton. - You said: write a class. And to write school?
- Don't write! We have one school!
- Don't tell. There are many schools in our city. In the central part alone there are twelve, and that's not counting ...
- DANILOV !!! - shrieked Shoe.
- Okay, I'll shut up, - Anton nodded with the air of a winner. - Only the last question: should I write my name with or without a patronymic?
The class grunted.
Even Filka, although he did not like Danilov, was grateful that he was playing for time.
- He probably has a wire in his wings! - argued Petka. - Exactly! The shoe took the crow by the wings and bent the wire ...
- And you believe in it? - asked Khitrov.
Mokrenko blinked his eyes.
- And what else? - he said. - If there is no wire, then this is some kind of garbage!
- Question A! What microorganisms are transmitted by airborne droplets? Answer options: amoeba, ciliates, viruses.
The class laughed.
Passing the test, Filka accidentally raised his head and saw the skeleton again. It seemed to him that the skull was slightly turned. Completely imperceptible. Just enough so that his empty eye sockets were directed at Filka. Before Khitrov was ready to give his hand for cutting, the skull looked a little to the left, closer to the teacher's table.
“What does he want from me? Hey you, what do you want? "
An invisible glittering hoop squeezed Filke's whiskey, and froze his forehead.
« You are now the new Count Dracula! It's your turn! "
"I DIDN'T WANT IT TO DISAPPEAR!"
A hefty ghoul approached the ghost.
- What are you, white, insolent? This is our territory!
The ghost looked at him reproachfully and melted into thin air.
- All sorts of hanging around here! - grumbled the ghoul, laying down in the dug grave.
Chronicles of the other world
1
After school Filka, as they had agreed, went to see Natasha Zavyalova off. As for Petka Mokrenko, he was left on duty as a volunteer in the biology office.
Petka was appointed volunteer duty officer under the following circumstances.
While they were writing the test, he contrived to swirl sandwich foil under the table and grab the cabinet door with his greasy hands. In addition, when the Shoe looked under the table and saw the foil, it was also discovered that Mokrenko was without replaceable shoes.
Petka would have gotten off with a remark in his diary, but when Shoe shouted at him, Staphylococcus arose in the doorway at the most inopportune time.
- I promise you, Ekaterina Evgenievna! Soon it will be not just clean, but very clean! - said Staphylococcus with the words from the advertisement and looked at Petka with the hypnotic look of a boa constrictor.
Mokrenko, full of bad presentiments, swallowed nervously.
- I was on duty last week! He squeaked timidly.
Staphylococcus aureus shrugged.
- I am not forcing you to anything, friend! I am only offering you a reasonable choice. One of two things: either you sign up for an extraordinary duty today and show miracles of hard work, or you bring your mother to me tomorrow. Take your pick!
And so it happened that Petka signed up as a volunteer. He was afraid of his mother. Although she did not practice boxing, her hand was very heavy.
Filka and Natasha were crossing the road when Anton Danilov, out of breath, jumped out from around the corner of the house. At first he pretended that he was just passing by, and even proudly lifted his head to heaven, but almost fell under the Zhiguli and, cursed by the driver, approached them.
- Vandals! - he said indignantly. - Teapots! They don't drive like that in Germany! There, if a pedestrian crosses, all cars stand and wait for him to pass!
- Aha! - Filka grunted. - How! Even if he just sticks out at the bus stop and scratches his leg, then they wait! Who knows what he wants in the next hour?
Anton did not dignify him with an answer, only snorted. Having lived abroad for twenty days at most, he now scolded everything Russian and behaved like an inveterate foreigner.
Filka sensed that it would not be easy to get rid of Danilov. The skinny son of a diplomat considered himself an irresistible conqueror of girls' hearts. And now, as if by chance, he told that in Germany one adult girl had fallen in love with him, and when he, Danilov, said that he was only fourteen, she swallowed some pills out of chagrin.
– Ascorbic acid! - Filka said incredulously.
Anton Danilov snorted contemptuously again. He had a whole set of contemptuous snorts of varying degrees of expression.
Filka felt himself boiling. Moreover, he did not boil as usual, but somehow very rapidly and violently. Black spots even jumped before his eyes.
Hit him! Grab his throat with your teeth! The blood tastes so good! Bite! Act more decisively, young Count Dracula! Let him become like you! This will be your first loot!
Filka himself was afraid of his anger, so unlike the anger that usually gripped him before a fight with Danilov. This fear - the fear he felt for himself - helped him pull himself together.
Now Khitrov just walked and looked at his feet. The bitten finger throbbed with pain. This pain extended to the entire palm and even constrained the wrist. And despite the fact that the finger was no longer bleeding, the wound healed and the hand looked completely healthy.
Danilov, of course, did not notice the changes taking place with Filka. He only saw that he was silent and was losing the initiative. Taking advantage of this, Anton roared in front of Natasha and chatted incessantly.
- Many people here do not understand how I get to know girls! - he said. - It is difficult for others, but it is not difficult for me! It's easy for me. What's the main thing with girls? An approach!
Natasha laughed:
- And what is this approach?
- Oh, - Anton rejoiced. - Are you interested? I'll explain now! Take at least the same Mokrenko. How does he act if he wants to meet? Let's say he comes up to some girl at the booth, snubs and mutters: “Like hello, how are you there! I'm like Petka! Like I'll call you! "
Danilov so similarly mimicked the fat slow-witted that Filka involuntarily smiled. Anton, surprised by this approval, glanced at him:
- Of course, with such an approach he has continuous failures. Who will communicate with him when every two words he has, then "damn", then "devil", then "chick", and then something else worse? Here you are, Khitrov, put yourself in the place of that girl. A big man with unclean teeth comes up to you, pushes you on the shoulder and says: “Damn, where did you come from here? Well, goby, do you want to be friends with me? Give me your phone! " Do you want to mess with this? And the girl, of course, doesn't want to either.
- Well, well, - said Filka mockingly. - How do professionals like you meet?
Anton waved his hand picturesquely.
- Oh, there are many options! For example, the classic version. Associated with the weather. Let's say it's raining, and a girl is without an umbrella. I tell her: “You’ll get wet! Do you want to walk under my umbrella? "
End of free trial snippet.
Dmitry Emets
Young Count Dracula
"Look, that box looks like a coffin!"
The skeleton's empty eye sockets gazed at the children. The back of the head was visible through the hole in the nose. Suddenly, one foot lifted off the stand and took a step. A second leg followed her. Now the skeleton stood by itself. He didn't need a stand. The hand swung forward. The index finger stared at the guys' chest. The closed jaws parted. The skeleton seemed to be smiling.
Even more - scoffs.
- You yourself wanted it! It's time to answer for everything! Rasped a terrible voice.
The day, of course, was overcast. Cloudy November day. Slush, rain mixed with snow. For some reason, such events always take place on bad days. Well, that's by the way. So far, nothing has happened. For now.
Before the literature lesson, eighth-graders Philip Khitrov and Petka Mokrenko stood in the corridor and conferred. However, "consulted" is not the right word. In fact, it was a conspiracy.
“Lady Macbeth will bury me for sure today! I can smell it! Am I to blame, perhaps, that I didn't have enough time to compose? What is this fashion in general - to ask essays at home? We have that, negros? - Khitrov was indignant.
- Oh! Like, disgrace! - Mokrenko responded.
- Do you understand me, brother?
- I understand you, brother! - honestly assented Mokrenko. Yesterday they mixed sulfur with saltpeter together.
- She has been bothering me for a long time. "Khitrov, today you won't hand over your essay, but tomorrow you will steal a million and go to jail!" Brother, have you ever heard such nonsense?
- Nah, brother, did not hear! Like, he's got it! - Petka boomed.
He towered over Filka by about a head and a half. His figure was appropriate. If he was not teased with "fattrest", it was only because the fat man could punch him. Once Mokrenko was engaged in boxing, but then he quit. "I fell out of weight categories!" - he explained.
It is even strange that they were friends - a little nimble Filka and a giant Mokrenko. However, opposites attract. To a certain extent. Then everything happens exactly the opposite.
- In short, I am thinking of taking a walk, - summed up Filka.
In their pair, he was always the ringleader. Probably because his brain worked five times faster than that of his giant friend.
Petka chuckled incredulously:
- You will get a couple!
- Why is this?
- Don't you know Lady Macbeth? Plus we ran into her on the stairs. Like five minutes ago. And she looked at you very closely.
Khitrov chewed his lips.
- Hmm ... "You will get a couple!" He grumbled. - And you yourself will not get it?
Mokrenko grinned:
- I do not care. I have nowhere to put them anyway. I'm not pretending to be good.
- Mmm ... What if I got sick?
- In five minutes?
- You never know what can happen in five minutes? - Philip chuckled. - Does a person have the right to get sick or not?
- Yeah, it does. Inflammation of the cunning. Khitrov got sick with inflammation of cunning! Gee!
Filka didn't like it. He frowned.
- Don't joke like that, brother!
- Well, brother, like, I won't, - said Mokrenko. - And if you want to be absent for a good reason, let me punch you. I'll arrange an eyebrow dissection - it doesn't hurt, but it looks scary.
Khitrov presumptuously rubbed his eyebrow, but did not accept his friend's generous offer.
The bell rang. Friends-loafers reluctantly dragged themselves into the classroom, but then ...
- Khitrov! Mokrenko!
They turned around. Folding his arms on his chest, head teacher Andrei Andreich was staring at them. At school he had the nickname Staphylococcus aureus. Andrei Andreevich had a lot in common with this microbe: both are small, nimble and ubiquitous.
- Khitrov! Mokrenko! Do you want to work hard? - asked the head teacher.
The Lobsters looked at each other.
- Uh ... - Petka hesitated.
If he was distinguished by hard work, it was only in relation to food. For example, when it came to dumplings. Or cutlets.
- Actually, we have a lesson now. Favorite literature lesson, taught by our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna, - said Filka.
In the eyes of the head teacher Khitrov, everyday work was imagined. Something like cleaning the schoolyard this coming Sunday afternoon. "Hurrah! Take more - drag on! Dig from the school wall until the last bell! " All this was quite in the taste of Staphylococcus.
Staphylococcus furrowed his eyebrows. He was losing patience with the swiftness with which a pound weight falls from the balcony of the ninth floor.
- So I did not understand: do you have a desire to work for the good of the school or not? He repeated irritably.
- Uh! - said Petka.
- Don't moo! Speak clearly! - Staphylococcus barked.
- I, like, do not hum. I said "uh"! - Mokrenko snapped uncertainly.
Suddenly the Staphylococcus aureus stopped boiling and gurgling. He seems to have figured out the hitch.
- I clarify: you will need to work instead of a lesson! I take you off literature. It is now clear? He asked, narrowing his eyes.
Lobotryazy looked at each other again. Here it is - a good reason! Lucky case!
“Head teachers sometimes have brains too,” Filka decided.
- So instead of literature? I hope our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna will not be very upset, ”he said. - What can't you do for your own school! .. And what, in fact, needs to be done?
Staphylococcus aureus stretched out his lips either in a smile or in a snide grin:
- There are boxes in the office. Drag them to the fourth floor and give them to the teacher in the biology room. Questions?
- No questions!
- Then step march! - Staphylococcus barked and disappeared, in a second to appear somewhere else.
Perhaps he even disappeared before he barked. He always did that.
- Everything turned out great, brother! - said Khitrov.
- I myself know what is cool! - agreed Mokrenko.
Having come to this unanimous opinion, they rushed down. To the office.
“Fly to me, doves! I am waiting for you! I've been waiting for you for a long time! "
The boxes were few. Only five. And only one of them is big. Petka Mokrenko chuckled contentedly.
- We need to stretch five boxes for a whole lesson! - said Filka Khitrov.
- Clear pepper! - Mokrenko nodded.
In such things, they always understood each other perfectly.
Mokrenko looked around the office. Large ragged safe. Table. A computer. And not a single soul around. The secretary went out somewhere, and Staphylococcus, like a restless ghoul, rushed somewhere across the floors.
- I wonder what kind of dregs were brought to the biology office?
Filka went to the boxes and squatted down next to them.
- Be careful, they are, like, glued! The fat man warned him.
Khitrov snorted contemptuously:
- Just think, glued! They are not hammered in with nails. And then, if we think logically, who did they bring these boxes for?
- For whom? - Petka was puzzled.
- For schoolchildren, dolt! Who are we? Pupils. So we can poke our nose wherever we please. Do you personally like it?
- Clear pepper!
- And it pleases me!
Khitrov resolutely opened the top drawer and looked inside. Mokrenko pushed him aside and looked in too.
- Ugh, you are some kind of dried jellyfish! He spat.
- Not a jellyfish, but a starfish!
- And I don't care. It's still rotten. Give me the next one! .. Wow, did you see that?
A stuffed raven was found in a nearby box. Its dry yellow beak was parted, and its dull feathers were ripped up. A metal ring gleamed dimly on the crow's right leg. The dead bird's fixed eye gazed directly at Khitrov.
« You yourself are to blame for sticking your nose where it is not necessary! You will pay for it soon! Pay a dear price! Own life!" - suddenly heard Filka someone's voice.
Dmitry EMETS
YOUNG COUNT DRACULA
"LOOK, THAT BOX LIKES A Coffin!"
The skeleton's empty eye sockets gazed at the children. The back of the head was visible through the hole in the nose. Suddenly one of the legs lifted from the stand and took a step. A second leg followed her. Now the skeleton stood by itself. He didn't need a stand. The dry hand swung forward. The index finger stared at the guys' chest. The closed jaws parted. The skeleton seemed to be smiling.
Even more - scoffs.
- You yourself wanted it! It's time to answer for everything! A terrible voice rasped.
The day, of course, was overcast. Cloudy November day. Slush, rain mixed with snow. For some reason, such events always take place on bad days. Well, that's by the way. So far, nothing has happened. For now.
Before the literature lesson, eighth-graders Philip Khitrov and Petka Mokrenko stood in the corridor and conferred. However, "consulted" is not the right word. In fact, it was a conspiracy.
“Lady Macbeth will bury me for sure today! I can smell it! Am I to blame, perhaps, that I didn't have enough time to compose? What is this fashion in general to ask essays at home? We have that, negros? - Khitrov was indignant.
- Oh! Like a disgrace! - Mokrenko responded.
- Do you understand me, brother?
- I understand you, brother! - honestly assented Mokrenko. Yesterday they mixed sulfur with saltpeter together.
- She has been bothering me for a long time. "Khitrov, today you won't hand over your essay, but tomorrow you will steal a million and go to jail!" Brother, have you ever heard such nonsense?
- Nah, brother, did not hear! Like it is horrible! - Petka boomed.
He towered over Filka by about a head and a half. His figure was appropriate. If he was not teased with "fattrest", it was only because the fat man could punch him. Once Mokrenko was engaged in boxing, but then he quit. "I fell out of weight categories!" - he explained.
It is even strange that they were friends - a little nimble Filka and a giant Mokrenko. However, opposites attract. To a certain extent. Then everything happens exactly the opposite.
- In short, I am thinking of taking a walk, - summed up Filka.
In their pair, he was always the ringleader. Probably because his brain worked five times faster than that of his giant friend.
Petka grunted incredulously.
- You will get a couple!
- Why is this?
- Don't you know Lady Macbeth? Plus we ran into her on the stairs. Like five minutes ago. And she looked at you very closely.
Khitrov chewed his lips.
- Hmm ... "You will get a couple!" He grumbled. - And you yourself will not get it?
Mokrenko grinned.
- I do not care. I have nowhere to put them anyway. I'm not pretending to be good.
- Mmm ... What if I got sick?
- In five minutes?
- You never know what can happen in five minutes? - Philip chuckled. - Does a person have the right to get sick or not?
- Yeah, it does. Inflammation of the cunning. Khitrov got sick with inflammation of cunning! Gee!
Filka didn't like it. He frowned.
- Don't joke like that, brother!
- Well, brother, like I won't, - said Mokrenko. - And if you want to be absent with a good reason, let me punch you. I will arrange an eyebrow dissection - it doesn't hurt, but it looks scary.
Khitrov presumptuously rubbed his eyebrow, but did not accept his friend's generous offer.
The bell rang. Friends-loafers reluctantly dragged themselves into the classroom, but then ...
- Khitrov! Mokrenko!
They turned around. Folding his arms on his chest, head teacher Andrei Andreich was staring at them. At school he had the nickname Staphylococcus aureus. Andrei Andreevich had a lot in common with this microbe: both are small, nimble and ubiquitous.
- Khitrov! Mokrenko! Do you want to work hard? - asked the head teacher.
The Lobsters looked at each other.
- Uh ... - Petka hesitated.
If he was distinguished by hard work, it was only in relation to food. For example, when it came to dumplings. Or cutlets.
- Actually, we have a lesson now. Favorite literature lesson, taught by our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna, - said Filka.
In the eyes of the head teacher Khitrov, everyday work was imagined. Something like cleaning the schoolyard this coming Sunday afternoon. "Hurrah! Take more - drag on! Dig from the school wall until the last bell! " All this was quite in the taste of Staphylococcus.
Staphylococcus furrowed his eyebrows. He was losing patience with the swiftness with which a pound weight falls from the balcony of the ninth floor.
- So I did not understand: do you have a desire to work for the good of the school or not? He repeated irritably.
- Uh! - said Petka.
- Don't moo! Speak clearly! - Staphylococcus barked.
“I’m like I don’t hum. I said "uh"! - Mokrenko snapped uncertainly.
Suddenly the Staphylococcus aureus stopped boiling and gurgling. He seems to have figured out the hitch.
- I clarify: you will need to work instead of a lesson! I take you off literature. It is now clear? He asked, narrowing his eyes.
Lobotryazy looked at each other again. Here it is - a good reason! Lucky case!
“Head teachers sometimes have brains too,” Filka decided.
- So instead of literature? I hope our beloved teacher Antonina Lvovna will not be very upset, ”he said. - What can't you do for your own school? .. And what actually needs to be done?
Staphylococcus aureus stretched his lips either in a smile, or in a snide grin.
- There are boxes in the office. Drag them to the fourth floor and give them to the teacher in the biology room. Questions?
- No questions!
- Then step march! - Staphylococcus barked and disappeared, in a second to appear somewhere else.
Perhaps he even disappeared before he barked. He always did that.
- Everything turned out great, brother! - said Khitrov.
- I myself know what is cool! - agreed Mokrenko.
Having come to this unanimous opinion, they rushed down. To the office.
Fly to me, doves! I am waiting for you! I've been waiting for you for a long time!
The boxes were few. Only five. And only one of them is big. Petka Mokrenko chuckled contentedly.
- We need to stretch five boxes for a whole lesson! - said Filka Khitrov.
- Clear pepper! - Mokrenko nodded.
In such things, they always understood each other perfectly.
Mokrenko looked around the office. Large ragged safe. Table. A computer. And not a single soul around. The secretary went out somewhere, and Staphylococcus, like a restless ghoul, rushed somewhere across the floors.
- I wonder what kind of dregs were brought to the biology office?
Filka went to the boxes and squatted down next to them.
- Be careful, they are like glued! The fat man warned him.
Khitrov snorted contemptuously.
- Just think, glued! They are not hammered in with nails. And then, if we think logically, who did they bring these boxes for?
- For whom? - Petka was puzzled.
- For schoolchildren, dolt! And who are we? Pupils. This means we can poke our nose wherever we please. Do you personally like it?
- Clear pepper!
- And it pleases me!
Khitrov resolutely opened the top drawer and looked inside. Mokrenko pushed him aside and looked in too.
- Ugh, you are some kind of dried jellyfish! He spat.
- Not a jellyfish, but a starfish!
- And I don't care. It's still rotten. Give me the next one! .. Wow, did you see that?
A stuffed raven was found in a nearby box.
Its dry yellow beak was parted, and its dull feathers were ripped up.
A metal ring gleamed dimly on the crow's right leg. The dead bird's fixed eye gazed directly at Khitrov.
« You yourself are to blame for sticking your nose where it is not necessary! You will pay for it soon! Pay a dear price! Own life!" - suddenly heard Filka someone's voice.
Looking around in fright, he hastened to slam the lid. The voice ceased.
"Imagined!" - decided Khitrov.
He did not want to go anywhere else, but Mokrenko's curiosity aroused, to whom everything reached ten minutes later than to the giraffe. But when it did come, it lingered for a long time in its dense convolutions.
- Move the basin, otherwise you will be the toilet! - ordered Mokrenko, pushing Filka away from the boxes.
- Tear off the tape carefully - why are you tearing the lid? Khitrov grumbled, making room for his friend.
- Don't teach a scientist! Well, let's see what is there? ..
Petka put his nose into the box and snorted in disappointment:
- Ugh, some kind of digestion schemes! I need them like a parachutist a ship's anchor!
- And really, why do you need any schemes? You can digest earthworms even without schemes! - Filka muttered in an undertone.
Mokrenko glanced overcastly at him. He did not like to be reminded of this story. Well, never mind, he will someday find that pig that threw an earthworm in his pasta. And when he finds this bastard ... Petka even sniffed.
