I live in Russia. He is in Belarus. I'm sure he's the best. I am confident in my feelings. He…. My…. Brother... Brother! He met a girl and went to live with her.
I want to be his girlfriend, not his sister. This feeling has been in my heart for a long time. I guess that's what I think and remember when I was fifteen or sixteen. He is older than me by six years. But something else is important...
I keep all this feeling only in myself, I don’t tell anyone about it. Yes! The fact that I fell in love with my brother is known only to me. I am ashamed to tell my friends or anyone else about this. When I remember that this is considered a sin, it becomes millions of times harder. But what should I do with these "millions" if the feeling is real?! Surely my brother noticed something, that's why he moved from here. Well, I do not believe that he could not find a girl here! We correspond often on the Internet. He looks very happy.
Faking pictures? It doesn't look like it. His girlfriend is smart: she won’t give up her brother to anyone, you can see right away.
Photoshop of my feelings
In Photoshop, like the last fool, I sit and cut out her photo from all the photos. And there are more than a thousand of them. At what - different. Vitya has always loved variety. I liked the pictures, but not her in them. If I were in her place, I would be happier than anyone else. But I am in my place and I know my place.
A beautiful brunette, tall, pleasant, but unhappy. Don't be born beautiful... But no one orders in advance what she or he needs to be born. I sit with my beauty in the well ..., many people need it. So what? I don't need anyone but Vitya. Friends - guys - please. As much as you want. But to love someone - for nothing. This is not a "point". Just, for example, I am of the opinion that love is one. Do not have another one. Everything else that is felt for men: passion, habit, understanding, sympathy .... See how many "copies" of feelings? The real is one. It lives in me right now.
Such a huge, but such an unnecessary feeling for him .... How to convert it into the right one - there is no idea. His big heart that wakes up with another woman will never belong to me. I won't win it back from a blonde with blue eyes.
Fool - blonde
I dyed my hair blonde, called him on Skype, thought that I could hook him. And he said that “blondness” does not suit me. His words just killed me. I dreamed that he would say otherwise. After his “truth”, I dyed my hair into a burning brunette, not being afraid that a terrible thing could happen due to a reaction with my hair. I deleted him from all chats and programs, swearing to myself that I would no longer communicate or remember anyone like him.
Four days have passed. Vitya showed up himself, realizing that I was offended. He called me to a serious conversation. She spoke to him coldly and harshly. He asked for forgiveness. The conversation went on for a long time. In the course of such a conversation, I decided that I would tell him the truth as soon as I caught the right opportunity.
Such an opportunity appeared very soon. For my twentieth birthday. Guests arrived. Vitya also arrived. I got drunk like an idiot, called him to my room, and told him everything in detail. And the guests (including his Victoria) were so busy celebrating my little anniversary that they did not notice Viti's "disappearance".
Vitya, of course, was very surprised. But his surprise was mainly devoted not to my "unraveled" love, but to the fact that I told him about it. She surprised herself. Not every girl in such feelings is able to confess to her boyfriend. Well, brother - even more so. It's alcohol in my blood. Being like a piece of glass, I hardly said anything. But, judging by the amount of wine I drank, I was very far from a glass.
“It’s too late to drink Borjomi”….
When Vitek found out everything, he sat for a long time, silently smoked and looked at the ceiling. In any other situation, I would not have allowed him to smoke in the room. And in this one, let him smoke. He smoked non-stop, one cigarette after another. Then, after eight cigarettes, he said: "This kind of love is the wrong love." And he left, looking into my eyes with a very sad look. His gaze could be understood in two ways. On the one hand, there is the fear that this is reciprocity. On the other hand, sin. And even hatred towards me was read. After the conversation, literally the next day, he left. Though I was going to stay for a week. He's on vacation! So I ruined his vacation and ruined his plans. I would, sooner or later, broke down and said.
My mom thought we had a fight. Let him think that way. I hope her brother doesn't tell her anything. Because his aunt, in the face of my mother, will be mildly underwhelmed.
It would be better if we quarreled in order to make up later! He left and we don't talk anymore. We don't communicate at all. It's not the first year. He's getting married in three weeks. He did not invite me, which did not cause me absolute surprise. I probably would have done the same if I were in his place. Parents were amazed by his such act, because they knew how friendly Vitok and I were. I was torn to pieces from the desire to tell my mother everything. But it didn't give anything.
I should also get married, so as not to go completely crazy. But I'm going to. Maybe I'll go out. It will, however, not soon. Although Vitya is on the other side, even though I know that we are relatives, there is some very tiny hope that we will be together. This is how madness for a loved one “looms”.
I wander alone in the evenings to his favorite places, I remember our childhood. We never fought, we didn't feel sorry for each other. Back then, I was drawn to him. But not like now. The song comes to mind: "My older brother is getting married today, our whole life will now change." If I rephrase it all, everything will be the same as in my life. I've played this song thousands of times already. But she didn't save me.
Chaos in the head
There are fires in the heart. On the soul - wounds. Where is the good in my life? It is urgent to find it. I mean something good and positive…. Or…. Anyone. I want to do something to make my life less painful. From the pain of life, to be honest, I can not find a place for myself.
We need to change to make life better. I can't continue to live the way I live now.
I fell in love -
My reasons to love -
In such a situation, a quick and easy answer cannot be found. After all, everything would seem against you: both the laws of nature and society. But we will still try to find the answer to the question: what to do if you are in love with your cousin?
I love my cousin
Confusion in feelings
To begin with, you still need to understand your nature of feelings. Many girls think that she is in love, when in fact, they have completely different feelings that are simply difficult to determine. What do we consider a brother? Of course, if this is a good, real brother, then we see in him a protector, assistant, a person who loves us “for nothing”, will always support us. For a brother, we are always those who need to be protected. In fact, if you see your cousin in your eyes just like that, then it turns out that he falls under all the standards of an ideal husband. This is where the girl begins to think that she is in love with her cousin. In fact, this may not be the case at all. That is, of course, she is in love, but in a completely different way. After all, we also love relatives and admire them, but this feeling has a slightly different nature than love for a man. And often girls confuse these feelings, and then do not know what to do. Especially often this happens to ladies who grew up in an incomplete family, that is, without a father. In this case, the girl begins to look for a protector for herself and sees him in her brother. But on the other hand, her family model, embedded in the subconscious, does not provide for some stranger who could become her husband, because he can leave, offend, insult. But the beloved brother with whom they grew up together will never do this. That is why mental ordeals and torments begin. If you understand that all of the above is about you, then once again carefully analyze your feelings for your brother. Perhaps you confuse love with the desire to receive protection and tenderness from a loved one. Moreover, girls who grew up without a father tend to always compare guys with brothers. But sometimes it just subconsciously seems to them that the brother is the best man, and all the other guys do not reach this level. That's when strange feelings begin to arise.
real feeling
But such a situation cannot be considered in the case when the brother and sister met as adults and obviously not brotherly feelings immediately arose between them. This case is the most difficult, because here the consciousness and subconsciousness simply do not see a relative in a person. It sees the object of attention, the man with whom you want to be. And then the question arises: how to do it? First, you must find out how your brother feels about you. If these feelings are not mutual, then most likely it is not worth talking about them at all. After all, as you know, relations between relatives are condemned. And the point here is not only in social norms, but also in genetics, although, on the other hand, with modern ecology it is already difficult to guess what harms health more. But if the feelings are not mutual, then the only thing you will get from recognition is attacks from relatives. In this case, it is better to suppress these feelings in yourself.
But when a brother loves you as much as you love him, then you need to decide together whether you can resist society, which obviously will not praise you for such a decision. Of course, as mentioned above, there is some truth in their words. But on the other hand, very often a brother and sister who are never allowed to be together end up alone, because they turn out to be THAT love for each other. So, if you love your brother, and he loves you, then gather your will and strength into a fist and do not pay attention to what relatives say. After all, this is your family, and if they love you, they will understand and accept you. Sooner or later, but it will happen. In the meantime, you just need to be patient a little so as not to lose the love of your life.
We are people, humans, and we differ from animals in that we are able to think and be responsible for our actions. If you fall in love with your own brother, this is a wrong, abnormal situation.
Of course, everyone is free to spoil his own life, and no advice will help here. But still, at least think about the possible consequences of this love.
Any girl wants to find that guy with whom she will feel good and comfortable. Someone reaches the cherished goal immediately, but someone needs more than one year to find their one and only. The most saturated age for choosing guys is for a girl, starting from adolescence and, approximately, up to twenty-five years.
She tries herself in different relationships, dating different guys. Thanks to this, a very valuable life experience is accumulated, which helps to find your life partner.
However, situations often occur that cannot be called standard. For example, a girl may fall in love with her brother, no matter if he is a cousin, cousin or second cousin. He may be older, handsomer, smarter than the guys who surround her, but what to do in a situation where she fell in love with her brother.
- It is very difficult to explain why a strong and attractive feeling for a relative appeared. Perhaps you like his appearance, or the way he interacts with people, or the way he talks. You can sort out the reasons for a very long time, but the main thing is that you have a result in front of you - your feeling for your brother, with whom you need to do something.
- Do self-analysis. This involves the search not only for the cause of the appearance of love, but also for an independent solution to the current problem.
- Learn to mentally play out options for how your relationship will develop further. Imagine that you were able to tell your brother about your feeling, how he would react to this, what he could answer you, etc. Very often, such mental modeling helps to find answers to all questions that are important to you.
- Seek help from a psychologist. If there were no people next to you who could support you or those whom you could completely trust, then a psychologist is the best option. He is ready to listen to you, he will not judge and blame you, and most importantly, together with you, he will look for a way out that will suit you.
- Search the Internet for forums that are dedicated to the problem of relations with your brother. Different life stories and experiences of other people can help you understand yourself and the feelings you have for your brother.
- Find an activity or hobby that will require a lot of time. With this, you can displace any feeling, or at least minimize it.
- Don't dwell on your love. You need to be able to abstract from any problem, including this one. Of course, doing it right away will not work, but you need to be able to work on yourself and overcome the difficulties that arise.
- You should not rush and dedicate the object of your love in feelings for him. In most cases, what your brother learns from you can shock him and cause an unpredictable reaction that will only upset him. Until you are sure that you want to open up to a person, do not make any attempts to do this.
Speaking of brothers, it should be noted that most often a girl falls in love not with her own brother, but with a cousin, or second cousin. Relations with a sibling, as a rule, are always perceived as related. Starting from childhood, any girl has a clear attitude that love for her brother as a man is impossible. However, a cousin can be perceived in a completely different way.
But I want to warn you - even if you fell in love with your cousin - this can also be dangerous, not for you, but for your children. Most children in such incestuous marriages are born with a bunch of hereditary diseases, mostly mental.
People have long decided that cohabitation with blood relatives is impossible - such ties are sad in their sad consequences.
- Not every girl perceives her cousin as a relative, especially if they rarely see each other and do not live together. First of all, she sees in him a guy, with his own virtues and features that can attract her.
- According to the famous expression: forbidden fruit is always sweet. This is one of the reasons why a girl can be attracted to her cousin, a relationship that is taboo and condemned by society, so many people want to try it.
- Lack of male attention. When there is no worthy guy nearby, but you want to experience a great feeling, then love can even appear for your brother. Moreover, this is a close person with whom he connects many common topics, it is not boring with him, he understands you well, etc.
- Sympathy from my brother. There are situations when the young man himself can become the initiator of the relationship, especially if he is in his teens. On his part, signs of attention, hints, random hugs may appear. Such behavior can provoke the appearance of falling in love with a sister.
- Some girls in cousins are attracted to the fact that they are reliable people whom they know everything about. It seems to the girl that a relative will never be able to betray or offend.
What to do if you fall in love with your brother?
If, after a long analysis and thinking about falling in love, nothing has changed for your brother, and you continue to see a man or a guy in him, then you need to take some action. There are two options for solutions, from which only you can choose the right one.
- Tell your brother that you fell in love with him, and your feelings for him are strong and real. However, you should not hope that he will like what he hears from you. The brother may even stop communicating with you in order to deal with what he has learned. And there is a high probability that he will not like your confession. In any case, you will get the opportunity to speak out and find the peace that you were able to find the strength in yourself and share your feeling. However, there is a 1 in 1000 chance that your brother also has a crush on you but couldn't bring himself to say it. Then together you can figure out how to deal with your relationship: continue it or end it. If you decide to continue, then you need to be prepared for the fact that your environment will condemn the relationship, and you will not be able to achieve approval for a very long time.
- Do not tell your brother about anything, get used to the idea that there are feelings, but they will remain unrequited, and such love will not lead to anything. Look for ways for yourself that will help you forget your brother and stop seeing him as a guy. A close person, a good psychologist and your own desire can help to cope with falling in love. You need to determine for yourself all the weighty reasons that confirm the impossibility of a relationship with your relative.
Modern society is skeptical of any, and even more so - relatives. There are countries where public opinion on this matter is neutral. The decision of what to do if she fell in love with her brother, of course, remains only with the girl, and she will be responsible for it. No matter how we fall in love, we can’t lose our heads or self-esteem.
People often find themselves in absurd situations, the right way out of which is extremely difficult to find. In today's material, we will tell a story that certainly will not seem banal to you.
Oksana first saw Yegor at a family holiday. " Meet my daughter, this is your cousin Egor"- the girl's stepfather introduced the young people simply and quickly. Between half-relatives immediately arose interest in each other. Oksana and Yegor imperceptibly began to spend a lot of time together. Relatives were glad that good relations developed between the cousins. And only a couple secretly in love knew that their feelings were far from related.
For the first time, young people realized that their feelings are something more than the primitive relationship of brother and sister, on vacation. The first kiss between Oksana and Yegor happened during an evening walk on the beach. From that moment on, the attraction between them grew stronger. Hiding their feelings with the crazy couple turned out to be more difficult every day.
The girl, finishing her last year at the university, understood: either everything will be decided now, or each of them will have their own path. Repeated conversations with Yegor about what to tell everything to parents ended in scandals. Quarrels and scenes of reconciliation were repeated more and more often. However, the desired result for Oksana did not happen. " Well, how do you imagine it? Parents, meet, this is my future wife. You all know her for a long time, my cousin Oksana”, Yegor said, smiling nervously and waving his arms.
So, the lovers secretly met for about three years. Their plans and dreams included a wedding, a cozy home and the birth of children. Only about the plans, except for Oksana and Yegor, no one knew.
It took Oksana a long time to pull herself together, to convince herself that they could not have a joint future. After some time, the girl plucked up courage and told Yegor that since he did not have the courage to tell everything to the family, it was time for them to put an end to the relationship.
And so it happened. After excruciating suffering and constant attempts to avoid any meetings with Yegor, Oksana eventually came to her senses. Family holidays have become almost the only place where young people cross paths.
Soon, at one of these gatherings in the circle of loved ones, Yegor introduced his future wife to the family.
Only it was not Oksana at all. As our heroine admitted: “ I didn’t have enough strength to go to the wedding of a once beloved person: I was afraid to see him happy and burst into tears. And at the same time, I wanted to go and prove to him once again that I am much braver and stronger.».
Egor is currently married, and most recently became a father. Oksana resumed the relationship of bygone days: meets with her first love. And only at family holidays the eyes of Yegor and Oksana still meet secretly from everyone ...
Lyubov BERDYCHEVETS
Photo from the personal archive of the heroine
Valentina, Kumertau
Good afternoon. I beg you to help me with advice. To begin with, I have a second cousin whom we never saw in childhood. We first met 10 years ago, when I graduated from high school, he was 7 years older than me. When he first saw me, everyone noticed that he did not look at me as a sister, he did not take his eyes off me. But we were unable to communicate due to circumstances. Our next meeting took place recently, 10 years later. We spent 2 days together. During this time, he said that he tried to contact me for several years, asked relatives to give me my number, but always received a refusal, asked about me, where I was, but they did not want to tell him anything. And after repeated failures, he decided that he probably came up with something for himself and left this idea. A lot has happened in my life in 10 years. I was married, divorced, I have a child. He had one relationship and that's it. He is 32 years old, when asked why he is still alone, he does not answer anything. For 2 days of our communication, it was clear that he was not indifferent to me precisely as a girl. He was constantly by my side, tried to hug me, take my hand, bought me everything that I love, did not want to part, constantly wrote and asked when I would be free and we could see each other. He tried his best to stay alone with me and many other little things that speak of sympathy. His non-brotherly attitude was obvious to another brother of ours, who said - you are second cousins, you can. He did not answer this phrase, I was confused and did not know what to say. Now he has gone to his city, we can communicate only by phone. He has repeatedly said that he does not like virtual communication. And then I offered two options - not to communicate until the next meeting, or he would move to our city. He replied that the first option is definitely not. I also do not perceive him as a brother, and to be honest, I fell in love. I constantly think about him, miss him and would really like to be with him. But he didn't tell me anything directly, these are just my guesses. Since his departure, we have corresponded several times, where again phrases flashed from his side indicating sympathy for me: “I always smile when I communicate with you”, “I feel bad that I had to leave”, etc. And I don't know how to be. I can’t tell him about my feelings, all of a sudden I just came up with it all for myself, and he’s just so kind to everyone, or he’s in love, but the distance and the fact that I have a child stop him. I constantly want to communicate with him, but there is no such initiative on his part. And I don’t know how best to act, step aside and wait for how he will behave further or confess everything in order to immediately solve everything and not suffer.
