How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing? What kind of woman is a man afraid of losing. If you are afraid of losing something, then you have already lost it.

Often, after a quarrel with a loved one, it seems to many women that if a man is not afraid of losing them (or simply does not express it in any way, although deep down he is very afraid), this means that he does not love them, does not appreciate them, does not feel for them no feelings at all.

Such women are often mistaken. If it’s not scary for him to lose his beloved, it means that he just hasn’t realized yet how much she is dear to him.

Unfortunately, very often it is at this stage that novels end. She leaves, tired of trying to get his attention, and he realizes his feelings for her, as they say, already after the fact. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing without breaking off relations with him? The method “by contradiction” will help to answer this question more precisely.

How not to behave

In order for a man to be afraid of losing you, you must adhere to the right line of behavior. To begin with, let's look at what you should never do, because the result will be completely opposite:

1. Tell him directly that you are going to do something in this direction. On your part, this will be a banal provocation, which will only lead to quarrels and insults.
2. Flirt openly with other men. This can make him angry and he will simply lose interest in you.
3. Follow your emotions and call him every five minutes if he is busy at work or out with friends. He will think that you have no other interests besides him, which means that he has nothing to be afraid of, that is, you can behave as you like.

It is very important to know one truth: a man is afraid of losing a woman if he at least once had to think about the possibility of such an incident.

How to put such thoughts in his head?

1. He is not the only thing in your life . Let him understand it. For example, if he warned in advance that he would go for a walk with friends, do not call him, constantly asking where he is and with whom. If it has become completely unbearable - send an SMS with kind words or a funny emoticon. This will give rise to doubts in his soul why you didn’t call him yourself, what are you doing so interesting without him. If he asks about it, with an innocent look, answer that you watched a movie that you have been interested in for a long time, but your young man still did not find time to watch it together.
2. Make it clear that other men are paying attention to you . This must be done very unobtrusively, carefully and as if by the way. If a man is afraid of losing a woman, albeit without expressing it in any way, such a "revelation" will be more than enough for him. Tell, for example, how a stranger gave you a seat on the bus and tried to start a conversation, or about a sass who wants to meet you in line at the clinic. The representatives of the stronger sex are hunters by nature, and a man is afraid of losing a woman if he sees potential rivals.
3. Hint to him that soon you may have a long separation. Of course, this must be done with extreme caution. You can, for example, be interested in exchange programs with other countries. It is not even necessary to take part in competitions to go abroad. It is enough just to speculate aloud how interesting and informative it would be. When is a man afraid of losing a woman? Then, when there is a risk that he will not see her for a long time.

How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing? You just have to follow a few simple rules. About them and will be discussed further.

Develop in yourself what makes him dependent on you

Any relationship is built on interdependence. And that's okay. It is likely that he cannot imagine his life without the comfort that you create in the house, without your tenderness and even a smile, in the end, without food prepared by you. You, in turn, also feel a certain dependence - on his money, position in society and interesting conversations with him ... In general, situations are different. Determine what exactly is dear to him in you, and focus on it, develop it in yourself in every possible way. Does he sleep long on Sundays and likes to treat himself to junk food? Let him do it ... occasionally. Let him sleep, and you quietly get up and cook his favorite dish for him. He will be very pleased. Or run to McDonald's and buy him a big bag of fast food. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing you? Sometimes indulge his whims, but you should not always do this, otherwise he will get used to and stop perceiving such trifles as joys.

Be independent for him!

How to make a man afraid to lose? Be always as if at some distance from him. Know how to provide for yourself, do not be jealous, do not arrange an inspection check of his phone or e-mail at the first suspicion of interest in other women. If he wants to cheat on you, he will do it so that you do not know. Find your favorite pastime, develop in every possible way, otherwise he will cease to appreciate you and lose all interest. What kind of woman is a man afraid of losing? Smart, independent, unobtrusive, which will easily support any conversation. In general, the one with which he will be pleased to appear in society, which he is not ashamed to introduce to friends or parents. The main thing is not to forget about him during all these activities, to be interested in his affairs, to love him and respect him.

Be a friend to him

It's not just women who need to be heard. Men need it just as much. Be interested in his affairs, ask about work, friends, hobbies, plans, successes. But don't overdo it. This shouldn't look like an interrogation. If he does not want to talk about something - do not impose yourself, postpone questions until the next time.

Calm is the most important

Always be calm. Even if a conflict arose, and the man made a mistake in something, calmly explain to him what exactly he was wrong about. Some, of course, like the Italian passions and scandals that entertain the whole street. But this is rather an exception to the rule. The main part of the representatives of the stronger sex still wants meetings with the woman they love to be not a burden for them. Understand, they need a "safe haven" in which to relax after a busy day.

A man should always feel like a winner

Since ancient times, men have fought or at least simply competed with each other. They fought for the best land, the best food, the best woman. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing? You just need to let him fight for you and... be the winner. Be a goal for a man, a dream ... Together with him rejoice in his victories and do not take into account his defeats. He will definitely appreciate it and will be afraid to lose.

Little tricks

How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing his love? Sometimes cancel your appointments citing important matters. The main thing is not to overdo it and endure such a period that he gets bored, but does not think that you have found another or are simply avoiding a meeting. Of course, it's hard not to see your loved one for several days, but you need a result, don't you? In order not to be so hard, take care of yourself - visit a beautician, take a walk with your friends, go shopping. There is one more variant of behavior - always be different. All women are actresses to one degree or another, so change your looks every day. Today you are a Turgenev girl, the dream of a poet, tomorrow you are a sexy kitty that will drive any man crazy, the day after tomorrow you are a smart little intellectual or a cheerful girl - “her boyfriend”. He will not know which one he will see you next, and this will add novelty to your relationship and even some piquancy.

He is not the only man in your environment

We have already touched on this topic a little higher. Give him the opportunity to understand that you are only his woman ... at least for now. Never force yourself on him. Just casually mention that today you are meeting in a cafe with a classmate (of course ... you haven’t seen each other for so long, you have something to talk about!) or that you will be late at work, because a colleague promised to help you finish a difficult report. Do not hesitate - he will immediately want to meet a classmate or come running to meet you from work. The ideal option would be to be together in a company where there are several men who like you. Give everyone small signs of attention - smile at this, joke with the other. But not more!

You don't have to flirt openly. Behave in such a way that they enjoy talking to you, but not in such a way that they can make far-reaching plans. You want men to compete with each other for your attention, and not see you as a cheap doll. How to behave so that a man is afraid of losing you? Show that other guys are interested in you, but so far the only one for you is only him.

The fear of losing someone close can arise at any time. Initially, the child is afraid of losing his parents. Being already at a conscious age, there is a fear of losing a loved one. Various obsessive thoughts are formed that do not allow you to live, work, and rest in peace.

The fear of losing loved ones is formed in childhood

The phobia of losing a loved one is the result of the death of someone very significant. It is difficult to survive such an event. Having a phobic disorder, the patient can no longer control his emotions and actions that arose due to intense fear. But thanks to the development of psychology, such fears are curable.

Causes

The fear of losing a loved one can appear in early childhood. It is the result of childhood trauma. It is important for a baby that mom is there around the clock. The baby has a special bond with the mother, which is important not to break. If mom is not around for a long time, he will begin to worry, be nervous. If this happens several times, fear will gradually form. The child will have a certain association and a developed reaction to separation from the dearest person. This will be accompanied by hysteria and prolonged crying. If this fear is not eliminated initially, it will indeed develop into a phobia. And related phobic disorders will also begin to develop - fear of loneliness, death.

The fear of losing a loved one, being left unprotected appears due to childhood traumas, such as sexual or moral abuse, constant humiliation from peers or parents, attacks from classmates, etc.

Other reasons due to which the fear of losing loved ones develops: divorce of parents, death of a relative, prolonged absence of a father.

It happens that the child is scared by older brothers or sisters. They claim that some monster will steal the baby at night and take it away from the mother. As a result, the child has panic, horror and hysteria. If the mother is gone for a long time, a panic attack may begin.

Another reason is the observation of severe depression after a breakup. Usually the objects of observation are older brothers or sisters who are experiencing the loss of a loved one. They are aggressive against everyone. Any criticism is met with anger. The child sees this and remembers the reaction of a loved one. In the future, he may avoid any love contacts that he associates with pain, disappointment and fear of loss.

When a person is in adolescence or adolescence, personal experience of a painful separation is possible. He fixates on one person and takes the loss of a loved one very hard.

Another situation is when people meet or live together for several years. They become attached to each other and no longer represent life separately. For some time they feel good together, but at one point everything collapses and the time comes for parting.

Other causes of fear:

1. Focusing on the negative. Internal trembling is no longer normal and a person begins to panic for any reason. In any action he sees only a bad, negative outcome.
2. Low self-esteem. The girl begins to be jealous of the guy and believes that he will soon have a mistress. She has a feeling of guilt before her beloved. As a result, obsessive thoughts develop. She tries to keep her husband by any manipulations, causing a feeling of pity for herself. If a man suffers from fear of loss, he begins to overly control his beloved. Forbids leaving the house late, forces to change the style of clothing to a very discreet one, often calls or writes SMS.
3. News in the media. Recently, reports of death or missing people appear more and more often. Very emotional people begin to worry about loved ones and relatives. They try to control their every step in order to protect them from danger, but because of this, the situation can only get worse, and contact is broken.

Some reasons are related to the characteristics and personal qualities of a person. Fear of losing a person occurs in people with excessive emotionality, suspiciousness. It also often manifests itself in people who have difficulty with trust. They are afraid that a person will deceive them and begin to worry for no reason.

signs

Fear is formed gradually due to frequent and strong experiences. Initially, a person is often visited by obsessive and disturbing thoughts. He often begins to get nervous, to be afraid of something.

Then he becomes very obsessive. Daily makes several calls to loved ones, constantly asking if everything is fine and if anything bad has happened.

Any news about the disappearance of children or adults in the news causes panic and hysteria. After such news, the patient cries for a long time. The disease develops gradually. Panic attacks may become more frequent. They have the following manifestations:

• cardiopalmus;
• bad feeling;
• dizziness;
• labored breathing;
• high or low blood pressure;
• slight trembling;
• increased sweating;
• frequent headaches, etc.

The patient has trouble sleeping. He can fall asleep, and if he falls asleep, he often wakes up in a cold sweat. Dreaming nightmares.

If the disease progresses, nervous breakdowns can occur. For example, with parents, when their child is at a distance and for some reason stops answering calls. This can be the initial stage of a disease called mental neurosis.

The patient obsessively calls relatives several times a day

Consequences

The result of the formation of fear of loss is the fear of harming loved ones or yourself. Most often it develops in people with vegetovascular dystonia (VVD). In psychology, it refers to obsessive-compulsive disorders.

Manifested as a panic fear of harming others. Various inappropriate thoughts arise. The patient may begin to hallucinate. It seems to him that he did something terrible, although in reality this did not happen. The result is that he constantly lives in fear for his life. Tries to isolate himself from others. He is afraid in a fit of anger to harm others or even kill someone.

The fear of harming someone close often appears in lunatics. Being in a sleepy state, they cannot control their actions. Being under the impression of sleep, they may begin to crawl on the floor with a knife or other piercing object.

Such behavior causes panic in the household and prevents the patient from living. Some send the patient to the priest, explaining sleepwalking as obsession. But since sleepwalking is a psychological and neurological deviation, the help of a qualified psychologist is needed.

Often the fear of harm appears in the mother. Worries that someone will offend her child. This is how overprotection gradually develops. Mom does not allow the child to make a choice on his own, which spoils the relationship with him. You need to learn to control yourself.

Fear arises for almost the same reasons as the fear of loss. Only the reaction to these causes differs. The fear of losing a beloved man or woman is replaced by the fact that a person is afraid of becoming unprotected.

Sleepwalkers are often afraid of hurting loved ones

Effective Methods

If the patient at the initial stage noticed something strange in his behavior and discovered the presence of a fear of loss or harm to himself, you can try self-treatment. Usually it gives a good result, but short-term.

Main ways:

1. Breathing techniques. Deep inhalation, slow exhalation is the basic rule of any breathing exercise. Inhale and hold your breath for 3-4 seconds. Exhalation lasts 2–3 s. The interval between breaths is 2–3 s. The number of repetitions is no more than 7 times. It is appropriate to use breathing techniques when fear has just begun to appear. This will help you get over it quickly.
2. Affirmations. Every time you feel a panic attack coming on, remember positive affirmations. Repeat that everything will be fine, fear recedes, and nothing bad will happen to loved ones. Think that life is beautiful and trouble will not affect loved ones. The technique works by self-hypnosis. Since thoughts are material, the technique really helps a person to calm down and recover.
3. Set to positive. Reading interesting books or watching movies with a good, optimistic ending will help drive away obsessive thoughts. This will make it clear that life is filled with positive events. It is advisable to limit yourself to watching the news.

Every day you need to drink herbal decoctions and teas. Especially before bed. This will help you calm down.

Do aromatherapy sessions. It is convenient to do this at home. Fill the aroma lamp with lavender, chamomile, lemon balm, mint or other floral aroma oil. Turn on soothing music, take a comfortable position, close your eyes and imagine something good.

Remember that such procedures will not help to completely get rid of the disease. It is better to seek help from a specialist in order to recover as quickly as possible.

Watching funny movies will help you tune in to positive

Help from a psychologist

You need to turn to a psychologist if the disease does not allow a person to live in peace, and the feeling of anxiety has not left for a long time. Initially, the doctor will determine the stage of development of fear in order to correctly prescribe treatment. It is usually implemented through a combination of cognitive behavioral and exposure therapy. Additional medications may be prescribed. Most often, these are antidepressants.

At the first session, the psychologist wants the patient to answer the following questions:

• what happens if I lose a loved one;
• What is this fear about?
• what I experience when I can't contact a person;
• what happens if a loved one hits or hurts himself in some other way;
• what happens if I harm someone;
• why do I care so much for my loved ones;
• who said that something would happen to my relatives, etc.

This will help a person to realize the essence of his problem and understand what the experiences are connected with. The patient will see himself from the outside. This stage also involves describing the sensations that arise when the fear of loss or harm is activated.

In subsequent sessions, the doctor helps the patient get rid of fear by immersing himself in a dangerous situation. He asks the patient to close his eyes and imagine something that frightens him very much. This may be the loss of loved ones, harm to oneself or relatives. It is important that the main signs of fear appear.

After that, the terrifying picture in the subconscious mind changes to something pleasant. It can be a visualization of dreams or an idea that gives a feeling of joy and happiness.

So there is a sharp change in thoughts and behavior. This exposure therapy lasts about 20 minutes. The goal is to teach a person to cope with their fears and be able to switch to something positive when the phobia is sharply activated.

According to doctors, the manifestations of fear in women are more pronounced. Therefore, treatment takes longer than in men. The average number of sessions is 7-8. But girls often need 10-12 sessions to fully recover and stop worrying about trifles for their relatives.

Conclusion

The fear of losing a loved one is the result of childhood trauma, divorce of parents, and frequent scandals in the family. The child is afraid of losing his parents, which is why mental disorders develop. The disease can form at a conscious age due to the negative influence of the media, low self-esteem and personal qualities of a person.

The main symptoms are dizziness, hysteria, heart palpitations. Sometimes panic attacks occur. You can try to get rid of fear on your own, but this will only give a temporary effect. It is better to seek help from a psychotherapist in order to forget about such a problem forever.

A person is not born with fears, a baby is pure as an angel. But with age, fears appear that haunt us all our lives. Fear prevents us from living and developing. We will not talk about the fear that helps us avoid danger, but some of us are afraid of too much, sometimes it seems that they constantly live in fear, in eternal fear.
Others - on the contrary, are so fearless, they do not care. But do not believe the one who confidently and boldly says: “I am not afraid of anything!”. This is bluff, bravado. If you dig deeper, it turns out that he has more fears than the average person, who may well be afraid for the life of his children, or maybe the fear of losing his job, or maybe the fear of death or the fear of loneliness. How many fears exist! And a person says this only because this fear (s) is hidden very deep in the subconscious, and consciously, in order to be so “fearless” in life. Look how cool I am, I'm not afraid of anything!

Women, as more subtle, emotional beings, have these fears of "a wagon and a small cart." And one of the most important fears is the fear of losing a loved one, the fear of loneliness.

All fears come from childhood.

And the fear of loss too. Already at 7 months, the baby is very sensitive to the care of his mother, is nervous and feels ... fear. And if the mother does not properly respond to such a manifestation of fear in a child, then in the future it can develop into a fear of loneliness, a fear of losing a loved one. This fear arises in a child because of the fear that he will be abandoned. Later (3-5 years) the child is firmly convinced that if he is obedient and exemplary, then his parents love him. And when parents are unhappy with something in his behavior, they scream, swear - the kid thinks that he is bad and his parents do not like him. The child experiences guilt and great disappointment.

Children love their parents with selfless, unconditional love, no matter what. And therefore, they do not understand how parents (if they love him) can scream or, even worse, raise a hand at him. And the mind of a small person remembers that to love is dangerous, to love means to do something bad. There is a fear of losing my parents (if I behave badly, they will stop loving me and abandon me).

Love and fear of loss are always together.

Time passes, we grow up, but this childhood fear does not go anywhere, it lives in us. It manifests itself in the fact that we unconsciously keep people "at a distance", do not trust them. We are very afraid to relive the disappointments that we received in childhood. To avoid the suffering that we experienced in childhood, our "sick ego" tells us that instead of a life filled with feelings, emotions, love, it is better to exist without certain relationships. It's easier, more convenient. There will be no suffering.
But, despite this, we still get married, have children. But this fear is still with us, it has “grown” to us, it just “went deep” for a while. And after a year or two, he again “raises his head” in the form of a “pill”, anger, scandals from scratch. This is the most insidious and destructive fear for relationships, which spoils and poisons life.

A woman, fearing to lose her beloved, binds HERSELF, and not a man hand and foot. The law is this: the more a woman is afraid of loss, the more a man experiences his superiority over her. The man then remained the same - free and independent, and the woman lost her individuality, independence. She completely obeyed his will, completely "dissolved in him", gaining emotional dependence. The woman, trying to be an exemplary wife for him, indulged him in everything, fulfilling any desire. But this did not save the marriage - he left, and despair and emptiness reigned in her soul. Fear played a cruel joke on her. What she feared the most, she got.

Remember one thing: the fear of losing a beloved man is noticeable even when a woman is trying to seem independent, trying her best to fill her worth. You don't have to pretend to be someone you really aren't. A man will still feel that your self-esteem does not reach the level that you claim. He feels your fear with his “skin” and that is why he has absolute superiority over you. This gives him even more self-confidence and the realization that if he wants to leave you, you will “explode like a lunatic” and run after him with tears in your eyes, asking, begging him not to leave you.

You can not put your man first in importance. You run the risk of becoming uninteresting, boring after a while, and the man will start looking "past you." There is such a metamorphosis in your relationship: if at first a man looked at you with admiration, caught your every word, then later he reacts, as if yawning, not even trying to hide his disappointment. That is, a man achieves a woman while she remains herself and is not afraid of anything. As soon as a woman loses her individuality and completely dissolves in a man, she already begins to strive for him to be with her.
And that fear is to blame for everything that happened, that fear of loss, which unconsciously (at the subconscious level) guides your actions. And the worst thing is a repetition of the situation, that is, in a new relationship you will have the same problems.

To break this vicious circle you need:

1. Do not hide your head in the sand, but acknowledge the existence of such fear as a fact. Drop the conventions and face the truth. It is this fear that prevents you from having normal relationships, it is this fear from the depths that causes jealousy, sometimes groundless. It is this fear that destroys you. After all, you wanted to be needed, dissolving in his affairs, work, so that your sweetheart always felt comfortable. But it turned out that you became unnecessary, boring and uninteresting. You forgot about yourself! Admit it to yourself.

2. Having recognized the presence of fear, you need to make sure that you stop being afraid of it. How? Think about yourself, who is stopping you? After all, over the years of “dissolution”, your self-esteem has dropped sharply. And now your task is to raise it. Understand, to be needed is not to look “into the mouth” with a breath and say “Yes, dear!” to any desire. After all, at some point you can hear “You are not interesting to me, I stopped loving you. I'm leaving". And what do you say about it? Your favorite phrase: "Yes, honey"?
To prevent this from happening, you must have YOUR OWN INTERESTS in life, in the end, you must have YOUR OWN LIFE.

3. Always be yourself, love yourself and consider your interests in any situation. Look at your life, look at yourself from the outside. What do you dislike in your life? Make your life interesting, fulfilling - go to some courses, sign up for aerobics, go to the pool, go to the salon, change your hair. In short, do something that has never been done before.

One of my girlfriends, after a difficult separation from her husband, went to the pool out of longing. She went there regularly, just not to sit at home alone - it was lonely. And most importantly, she met a wonderful man there, who later became her husband!

The main thing is to do something, take some steps, pull yourself out of the swamp. Try to do only those things that will bring you real pleasure. Your goal is to believe in yourself, to please yourself. And when we like ourselves, others like us too.

4. Trust your man, because all relationships (both love and friendship) begin with trust. What is trust? In confidence that the person close to you will not change and will not betray. This is, first of all, emotional trust based on closeness and emotional kinship. Think for yourself, if two people love without hiding their real emotions and feelings from each other, how can they think about treason, betrayal, deceit?

As soon as jealousy appears, your “red light” lights up - he can cheat on me. You should not take this "signal" as a loss of confidence. This is normal, since a thinking person always analyzes various situations (even those that are not in the foreseeable future) in order to be ready in case of emergency for various life circumstances. But as soon as jealousy gets out of control, and you understand that the degree of distrust begins to grow, immediately start looking for the cause. If you don’t figure it out right away, then later, like a snowball, so many negative things will pile up that you won’t figure it out until the end of your life.

Woman's Day continues the family psychologist's series of columns on the relationship between men and women.

This is how one of my readers put it: “We live together, everything is fine, but all the time there is a slight paranoia “suddenly he will cool down for me”, “suddenly he will change when a child appears”, etc. Given that a person does not give any reason to think so. Out of nowhere fear."

And many, of course, want to get rid of this fear. Directly and ask, they say, what are the means to get rid of this fear.

Well... If only it were that easy...

First of all, fear is taken very much from where. It has been taken from there for several million years.

Everything is simple. It is extremely difficult for a woman with a child (children) to survive without a man. Even among wolves, which are better adapted to life in the bosom of nature than ours, the female is constantly with her cubs, and the male is looking for food. Otherwise, either the female with the cubs will die, or only the cubs. In both cases, good is not enough.

In humans, the need to provide a woman with children with food and other resources is even more pronounced. Human children do not sit well on the backs of their mothers, they strive to get off and run away somewhere. Grandmothers and other aunts make life easier, but not to say that very much. You still need someone who will regularly carry all sorts of resources.

Due to some design features, it is easier for a man to do this.

Here it will be very useful to recall Ivanov’s painting “On the Road. Death of a migrant. It seems that the times are not the most distant (the second half of the 19th century), but the migrant's wife is completely heartbroken. And here is not only the tragedy of losing her husband. Here is the tragedy of the hardest test - it will be very difficult to survive with a child without a husband.

But this is a woman who grew up on the earth, who knows what and how to do, is not like the current townspeople. Nevertheless, it is simply crushed (find a picture on Yandex. Pictures, you will be imbued with the horror of losing a breadwinner).

So for any woman (and it does not matter, with or without children - women with children simply have stronger manifestations) the fear of losing a partner is quite justified.

Of course, it's a little easier now. Still, the modern world is much friendlier than a million years ago or even in the nineteenth century. But a woman's fear of losing a partner is a fear that comes from that world that was a million years ago, and in that world, losing a husband meant death.

So the fear is well founded. Moreover, he is normal.

Can anything be done about this fear? Yes, within certain limits, so to speak.

First, you can reduce the experience. To do this, you need to know an important point - fear is generated not only by the situation, but, like any other emotion (affective state), is caused by our assessment of the situation.

Therefore, evaluation management is the first way to manage emotions.

It makes sense to remember (and to know in advance) that all events in life are accidental, inevitable and intentional. Shooting a movie in my yard is a random event (although relatively regular, it happens three times a year; I'm not kidding - they shoot regularly). It depends on many factors, which I can influence, if I can, then only partially. The main thing is that such an event may or may not happen.

The onset of night or winter is an inevitable event. There are also many factors there, a person cannot influence them at all, and an event will definitely come.

Intentional events are events that I can influence directly. For example, tear out a sheet from the diary and tear it into small pieces. This is available to me - here is the diary, here is the sheet in it, here is the basket.

And organizing a film shooting under my window is already much more difficult, so such events will remain random in my life.

As a rule, people are not afraid of inevitable events. Even death - when it already becomes inevitable, many old people have a feeling of relief. Like, finally.

People are afraid of random events and try to somehow prevent them.

People are not afraid of intentional events, since these events are entirely subject to them.

Difficulties begin when random events are endowed with the qualities of inevitable. For example, a person begins to be afraid of the fall of the plane on which he flies. A plane crash is a random event, it may or may not happen (and, please note, it happens much less frequently than, say, car accidents). But if it is perceived as inevitable, it becomes very scary.

I emphasize: fear arises when a random event is perceived as inevitable. If we have learned not to be afraid of the night or winter, then we have no protection against random events mistakenly understood as inevitable.

So it becomes very scary.

The way out, of course, is to remind (say, saying it out loud) to yourself: this event is random, nothing more. So to speak, get back a little sober.

And after sobering up, of course, somehow warn or prevent these events. And this is the next thing to do with fear.

Secondly, the fear of a random event is quite applicable to avoiding this event. Let's say a student is afraid of failing an exam and learns the material properly. Well, or at least looking for money for a bribe (but I, of course, do not welcome this).

And, if a woman is afraid of losing her husband, it makes sense to invest heavily in creating a nutritious and safe environment, that is, to be with a partner that you don’t want to leave.

For lovers of black and white thinking, I will emphasize separately: I am not saying that you need to bend and obey. Such behavior, paradoxically, will lead to the loss of a husband much faster than obstinacy. I myself am surprised.

Is it possible to guarantee that a woman, by creating a nutritious and safe environment, will really “keep” her partner? No you can not. The loss of a partner is a random event, it may or may not happen. We can only increase or decrease the probability. But there is no way we can translate this event into the category of intentional or inevitable. Alas, man is weak, and he cannot do much.

So if you are afraid of losing your partner, then you (regardless of your gender) can:

reduce your fear somewhat by remembering that the loss of a partner is a random event over which you have no control;

reduce the possibility of loss by investing in a safe and nutritious environment;

remember that what happens in our life is what we don’t like, and the task of a person is not to break down under such cases (which, of course, is not as easy as we would like).

Let me emphasize once again: human life always contains losses and partings. You need to have some strength to survive these losses without disintegrating into atoms and not falling into depression. It is brought up, although not to say that it is very easy. The main thing is to think about it at least a little and do at least a little bit (to be able to work well, provide for yourself and loved ones on your own, create and maintain a network of contacts, and so on in the same spirit).

That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for your attention.

In this article, we will analyze what to do with the fear that a man decides to end the relationship. It would seem that it’s good when there is no such fear (this does not spoil the girl’s nerves), and when this fear exists (it makes you do everything so that the man does not leave).

In reality, everything is different, and this is something that girls who are afraid of parting with their loved ones should know about.

Why only them? I will explain. There are, of course, girls who are not at all afraid of ending a relationship at the initiative of a man: “I don’t care, I’ll find another!”. So, we are now talking a little about something else: about the case when a girl understands that a man is really good and there are few like him. Those. when a man is really dear to her.

In this case, the fear of losing a man is normal. Just as jealousy is quite natural in this case - I wrote about this in an article.

But when this fear torments you constantly and starts to spoil your life, this is an occasion to urgently start changing something. Because he can spoil your relationship over and over again, and you won’t even understand what’s wrong.

Fear of losing a man

If a girl really cares about her man and their relationship, then there is nothing surprising in the fact that she is afraid of losing all this. But you can be afraid in different ways, and now you will feel the difference.

For the most confident girls, the fear that a man decides to leave is not a factor in determining their actions. For the less self-confident - is.

Moreover, this fear controls the actions of less self-confident girls also in different ways: some girls already know how to deal with this fear wisely and competently, others (most of them) do not.

Just do not go away

While more confident girls think, “Something must go wrong for him to leave me,” less confident girls think, “I have to do everything right now so that he doesn’t leave me.”

Less wise girls demonstrate their fear by following his lead. They do not hide that they are afraid of losing a man, showing him this both in words and actions:

• "I'm so afraid of losing you"
• "You won't leave me, will you?"
• "I couldn't breathe without you"
• "Just don't leave me, please, I can't live without you"

- these and similar phrases are repeated by such girls quite often - so fear is shown in words.

In addition, such girls tend to anticipate and fulfill any desires and whims of a man: they are always ready to give up everything to come or help with something, to abandon their plans, their desires, their pride. This is how fear is shown through action.

Why is it dangerous

And this is what happens: a man hears it, sees it, not only that - he also feels it! We humans are natural creatures. We can not only recognize fear by words and actions, we can feel it.

And if a man feels and sees fear, and not confidence, he doesn’t start thinking: “Oh, how cool I am, since they are so afraid of losing me! ..” - no. He begins to think: “Something is wrong with her, she has become too attached, she has lost her self-sufficiency ... Besides, if she is so afraid, maybe I don’t know something? Maybe she's not that good? — i.e. the girl begins to lose her attractiveness in his eyes.

The image of a delightful woman to be pursued disappears. And the girl turns.

And if, on the contrary, a man feels and sees confidence, his brain assesses the situation as follows: “She appreciates and respects herself so much, so there is a reason. She is not afraid to lose me, which means she will easily find another. No, she will be mine!” - and so the competitive, conquering instinct wakes up.

How to overcome fear

Even if this thought constantly sits in you: “I’m afraid that my boyfriend / man / husband will leave me, I don’t want to lose him ...” - do not demonstrate your fear obsessively, persistently, constantly.

The more openly you demonstrate it, the less reverently your man treats you. Let him be more afraid of losing you, and not vice versa.

The reason for this fear most often sits in self-doubt. If you get rid of it, the fear will go away. And in order to get rid of her, you need to understand where her legs grow from, because the reasons can be different.

Often, self-doubt arises from the trauma of abandonment that happened in childhood. A little more about this, see the video:

Be sure to develop self-confidence - start by reading the articles:

What to ask yourself

I said that the fear that a man will leave most often grows on the basis of self-doubt.

But there is another reason. You may be afraid that he will leave you if he himself constantly somehow hints at this or speaks about it directly. Then you need to ask yourself and try to honestly answer yourself: do I really love me? And if not, why am I still with him, and not with someone who will not scare me with leaving?