[Radio Liberty: Programs ... Personal File]
Is it possible to live without love?
Tatiana Tkachuk: The largest number of letters from our listeners always evoke themes of "Personal affairs" related to love, but this time all records have been broken. “Even discussing the question - is it possible to live without love? - does not make sense. Because the one who lives without love does not live at all,” Aleksey, a listener from St. Petersburg, wrote to the Svoboda website. "Frankly speaking, 90 percent of people do without love and feel very good at the same time," said another listener of ours, a Muscovite Peter. "You can live without love, another question - what quality will such a life be?" - reflects in his letter Alexei, and together with him in the studio - my guests: observer of "Komsomolskaya Pravda", poet, writer, playwright Olga Kuchkina and film director Sergei Soloviev.
This time letters to the site came from Israel, Portugal, Australia, the USA, Moldova, Kazakhstan and many Russian cities, but first we will give the floor to Muscovites who answered the question of Maryana Torocheshnikova on the streets of the city: "Is it possible, in your opinion, live without love? "
No, because life will be bleak. You will get up in the morning, go to work, return home, have dinner, watch TV, go to bed - and you will not experience any emotions. And there will be no aspirations. After all, love pushes us to feats, often for the sake of love people commit some heroic deeds. In addition, it is for the sake of love that women put themselves in order, become beautiful, achieve some kind of career, just like men. By and large, the engine of the whole world is probably love.
Of course not. Because it gives an impetus to life, it is simply impossible to live without it. I'm going to the store now to buy new Year gifts, products why? Because I love my children, I love my wife. I live a holiday that is coming, and love, as it were, moves me now.
No you can not. Because this is a richer world, and more colors. And generally boring without love. It brings suffering and joy too, so I think that it is impossible.
Without love there will be some kind of suffering. Probably physically possible, but not interesting.
Absolutely impossible. In general, I believe that, firstly, God is love. And secondly, what is there in general, if not love? If not love, then hatred, indifference - how to live with this? Then there is no life, there is only hatred and indifference.
Can. But this is sad, because so many joys of life will not be there, if there is no love - sexual, even sublime. It depends on what kind of love, of course. It is bad without it, but not so that you cannot live. Well, what to do, many people live without love.
Without love, no. Because love is life. Life is love. Without love, nothing will work.
If a person does not love, why should he live in this world? Life is love.
No, of course not. Love warms the soul, it is impossible to live without love. Those who live without love, they are simply unaware of what they love. Love is the soul.
You can live, but it's boring.
Not. I now live - and love accompanies me all my life. But love is different. There is love for a man, there is love for children, and there is love for an artist, for example.
Without love, you can. But without experiencing this feeling, apparently, you will not know one of the best feelings that can be experienced in this life. Probably so. Because it makes a person think high, suffer in good sense this word and, in the end, give your life to another person. Probably so.
Tatiana Tkachuk: In this poll, not a single opinion was expressed, confirming the letter of Peter about 90 percent of the population living well without love. Olga, what do you think, our correspondent Maryana Torocheshnikova was just lucky that she met such loving passers-by? Or is Peter still closer to the truth?
Olga Kuchkina: No, I think that all people have exhausted the topic, Tanya, in fact.
Tatiana Tkachuk: That is, can we close the broadcast? (laughs).
Olga Kuchkina: We can close the broadcast because everything is said. No, I think that this is not a selective people, of course, but this is actually the way it is. That is, even if someone lives without love, and this happens quite often, he still understands, or we understand that he lives without it - it means that it is still essential. That is, in general, there is nothing more essential in life than this.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Look, Nikolai Kuznetsov, a Muscovite, writes to us: "If it were impossible to live without love, at least three quarters of the population would die right away. However, this does not happen."
Olga Kuchkina: And because there is this! In general, most of all I love Dante's formula: "Love that commands loved ones". That is, the impression is that love exists even outside of us. Probably, some biochemists, biophysicists will tell you that there are endorphins, I don't know what else ...
Tatiana Tkachuk: Hormones of happiness.
Olga Kuchkina: ... yes, hormones of happiness, hormones of love, and all this is explained, of course, in some completely scientific way. But apart from everything, it seems to me that love is something spread out in space. And the love that commands our loved ones is something outside of us, to which we obey or do not obey, or we struggle with it, and hence there are many all kinds of collisions of life, which either make us happy or make everyone around us unhappy. Because if a person does not love, he sows unhappiness around him, and if no one loves him.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. I was so pleased with the mail that came from our listeners to this particular broadcast that I will probably quote letters from the Svoboda website over and over again. "Love is like a lonely hut," writes Ryazantsev (unfortunately, there is no name in the letter). "In this hut you will find only what you bring with you."
Sergey, is this image close to you, at least to some extent, and on what, in your opinion, does it depend on whether a person has something to bring to this hut with him?
Sergey Soloviev: You know, first of all, there is a very big inner urge to always say something the other way around. Everyone says: how, we will all die without love, we will all die ... And I just have such a craving - not to sing in one herd tune and say something original. No, of course, nothing original can be said here. There is some kind of fact that does not even require any proof. I also agree that we can turn off the broadcast at the very beginning due to the absence of a subject for controversy, there is no controversy.
Although, in fact, this topic is so delicate that such a massive simplicity of the answer - tomorrow there will be no love, and tomorrow I will stop going to work - it seems to me so insufficient or something ... Well, what to call love? We have worn out a certain number of words and concepts that exist behind these words, worn out, worn out, to such an extent that sometimes it is even a shame to use some words. In particular, I try not to actually use the word "love".
Tatiana Tkachuk: Even in the title of your latest movie, you put a heart instead of the word "love".
Sergey Soloviev: Yes, because they call it love. Now it's New Year's holidays, these concerts are on TV, and there everyone who dances on the left foot, who on the right foot, who bangs his head against the wall, who shakes his head into the hall - they all "shake" something about love, without love they do not "shake" anything.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Moreover, on all channels one and the same "shake" ...
Sergey Soloviev: One and the same thing, and on all channels they are all about the same "muck", as it were, which they also call love, like normal people. Therefore, I, for example, formulated for myself the first and main characteristic of love: love is something that cannot be talked about publicly, therefore it seems to exclude our such conversation. But, in principle, this is the most important feeling. It's not even a matter of keeping some kind of personal secret, but the point is not to flap it in conversations, in evidence, on the contrary, in some kind of such feeling.
Maybe I loved yesterday, but today I don’t love anymore ... You see, I speak, but I myself am ashamed just to speak, just as I am ashamed to pronounce the word "spirituality." Not that there is something bad behind it, but simply worn out and turned the devil into what. Therefore, I believe, when discussing this topic, you should always remember that if there is really love, then this love presupposes the highest degree of delicacy. Perhaps this kind of feeling is also a religious feeling, that is, both are true when it is an extra-social feeling. That is, before that, in fact, no one cares.
Tatiana Tkachuk: No, everyone has a business ...
Sergey Soloviev: Yes, everyone has a business. Seryozha Kuryokhin, the deceased, great man and great composer, was asked in an interview: "Now let's talk about your personal, intimate life." He looked at the questioner as if he had fallen from an oak tree and said, "What are you? Since she is personal and intimate, why are we going to talk about her?"
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Sergey. In my program, I never ask my guests about their personal, intimate life, I am rather interested in the attitude of my guests to the topic under discussion ...
In fact, all the work of my today's guests - both the director Solovyov and the writer Kuchkina - is a kind of hymn to love, from my point of view (that's why I called them to this broadcast). Olga, in her novels - for me especially in "The Voice of Ash", and in the rest, perhaps, in "The Philosopher and the Wench", and in "Shot", and in "Krandievsky's Love for Alice" - your heroes and heroines, which means that you yourself are saying that for most people love is just one of many life values, and for your heroes it is the first value and the main one.
So I found a quote from the Epistle to the Romans: “She must have lived the wrong way. She had to shift the center of gravity to what everyone has: work. Would she then be a woman? Excuse me, but the rest are not women? The others have love knows her place Like a dog. Ada's evil dog owned its owner. Probably, Ada should have lived not in this, but in the last century, when everything was arranged a little differently, and the feminine principle concealed in itself a true, not false, content. Then perhaps there was real female happiness. And Anna Karenina? It’s not a matter of centuries. It’s a matter of some initial flaw that moves the arrow from the insane fullness of existence (seeming?! ...) to insane emptiness. "
Olga, is it difficult for you in your life with such a philosophy? After all, this is probably the philosophy of not only your heroine.
Olga Kuchkina: Maybe yes. Probably, this is how it was, and is. And I don’t know, in fact ... In general, each of us, when he is born into the world and begins to communicate with other people, read books, watch different films, he is looking for confirmation of his thoughts, his feelings, his image and existence. And this remains a mystery forever. We can't really get into another person's shoes. Everyone opens or closes or expresses themselves in some way, but in reality it is all a great mystery. And I still don't know how other people live, and when I write my characters, of course, it's all one character - both men and women. These are guesses about who they are, who lives in what way.
You know, I would rather switch my attention from my story to a story known to everyone. And I will show you how it is completely unusual to interpret everything that we know, but from an unknown point of view. There is such a person whom some adore, others hate, his name is Vladimir Ilyich Lenin. I will quote Kollontai's notes to you: "He could no longer live after the death of Armand. The death of Inessa accelerated the development of the disease that brought him to the grave." There - now it is already known - there was an absolutely amazing novel. When Inessa Armand died in 1920, he put white hyacinths on her coffin. His wife, Krupskaya, led him by the arm, he could not walk. He was completely broken by this circumstance. There are letters from Armand to him, and there are his letters, they were all somehow torn apart, some pieces were torn off ... In general, when this novel arose, Krupskaya sobbed with jealousy, then got used to it, then accepted everything. Then they agreed with Lenin that they would part.
And when Armand died, when all this happened, he was tortured by neuralgia, he was tortured by insomnia. Apart from his very cruel execution notes, he wrote at this time: "I am stupid, I am sick, I cannot continue to live." And there was a rumor in Moscow that he was delirious, that the Mother of God was persecuting him. Look, what tragic facts, how they, perhaps, explain in a new way what was happening in the world, in humanity, throughout the Soviet Union - Stalinism, Leninism and so on. Or maybe all this is because love was strangled?
Tatiana Tkachuk: Now go argue with the fact that love is chemistry, judging by what you said, what happened to the body. Or biochemistry, I don't know ... We'll take the first calls. Moscow, Yuri Stepanovich, hello.
Listener: Good day. Olga Andreevna, dear, maybe you remember that in the summer you talked about the epistolary genre, about letters. And I told you that I am writing letters to my wife.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Yes, we remember your call.
Olga Kuchkina: Yes.
Listener: So, I'll tell you this thing. You know, 20 years ago, on January 6, 1986, there was such a quiet frosty evening, and I met a woman, talked to her for 15 minutes - and 15 minutes lasted for 20 years. Today it is 20 years old.
Tatiana Tkachuk: We congratulate you.
Listener: I am alone now, she is very far away. We talk on the phone every day. But I want to say such a thing that happens ... I love her very much, and you can't even explain anything with a verb. And I will tell you that it happens that a person lives his life, he has a wife, children, but this state of mind, unfortunately, he does not understand what it is, he does not get to it. I remember how Bunin said that true love and even reciprocal love is an extraordinary torment. Why? And because what is only one thought about the possible loss of a person worth ?! This is a misfortune! After these 20 years, I assess the phrase that ends all his stories by Alexander Grin in a completely different way: "They lived happily and died on the same day." It may be very sad, but I will tell you that the state of love is impossible to describe, it will always be poor. And I can only tell you that I can give my life for my wife without regret.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Yuri Stepanovich, for the call. Olga, will you comment?
Olga Kuchkina: Well, it all touches me very much, and it's a happy, rare feeling. I remember this person, indeed, from that broadcast.
Tatiana Tkachuk: We even then asked him, his wife answers letters, and he replied: "No, she only reads them." Remember we were surprised?
Olga Kuchkina: Yes. Well, there you are, you have it.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. Let's take another call. Moscow, Elza Germanovna, hello.
Listener: Hello. Olga Andreevna, you know, here one could still recall the words of La Rochefoucauld, who said that love looks like a ghost - they talk about it, but few have seen it. And he also said that there is only one love, and there are thousands of fakes for it. And it seems to me that in our age, when there are so many fakes, of course, it is good to talk about that one love that is true. Do you agree with me?
Tatiana Tkachuk: Olga, please. I also really want to participate, but the question is for you.
Olga Kuchkina: You know, I actually think there is a lot of love. In general, each person experiences this in his own way, and each opens his own way. No, it seems to me a lot. And the fact that you can love once or love many times - there are no laws here. Someone has one fate, someone else.
Tatiana Tkachuk: But then what Sergei said - "I love today, but tomorrow I don’t love" does not work out?
Sergey Soloviev: No, I didn't talk about it. I was talking about something else.
Olga Kuchkina: Seryozha simply talked about how much chatter, a lot of chatter. After all, you may not even say this word at all, or say it once or many times - this is all absolutely individual.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Elderly people sometimes say that only in old age you will understand whether you loved this person or not, when life is already behind you, when there is already a lot of experience and retrospectively it can be realized. And when you are "in the process", it is impossible to understand, is it falling in love or love, or is it by chance?
Olga Kuchkina: What's the difference? What difference does it make where you are? If at this time life reveals all colors, if you go crazy, if you feel good and bad at the same time, what difference does it make?
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. "Most of the people living next to me are tied with an invisible chain and perform some kind of devilish dance in their lives, intimidating and dragging the ignorant into it. And it seems that they are not hungry and beautifully dressed, and no one oppresses them. And the engine of life for them is hatred I am sure that most people live without love, and according to the proverb "what is the pop, so is the arrival" - this is a quote from a letter to the site of Vladimir Freedom.
Sergei, not only your film released a year ago, which is called "About Love" (I will remind the audience that it is based on the works of Chekhov), but also, probably, all the other films that you have shot in your life, - and "Assa", and "Black Rose - the emblem of sadness", and "Tender age", and "Heiress in a straight line" - they are all about love. Not to mention "Anna Karenina", which you are filming now. Here's a strange thing: other directors shoot action films, thrillers, detectives - and you, man, so persistently, from year to year, all your creative life, talk with the audience about love. Why?..
Sergey Soloviev: First, it never occurred to me that I have been shooting about love all my life. In any case, never in my life has I ever scratched my turnip and thought: I need to write something about love, this is the topic that excites me. You see, we just talked about it and used this word many times, both our listeners and we, in order to understand what it is. Again, what is characteristic of love is that it is impossible to understand anything connected with it. This is such a normal, positive human thinking, it absolutely cannot give an answer to any question associated with this feeling. Because, maybe, there really is one picture that I did not shoot, but on which I worked very hard, she explained something to me in this matter, is the story of the relationship between the great Russian writer Turgenev and Polina Viardot.
Tatiana Tkachuk: I wanted to talk about it today.
Sergey Soloviev: There was, indeed, the main subject of this state, which Turgenev experienced all his life, and everything else was a consequence of this.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Sergey, can I ask a question right along the way? In general, from your point of view, Turgenev, living "on the edge of the family nest" of Pauline Viardot, fully aware of what is happening, is this generally a normal phenomenon? Or is it also beyond the bounds?
Sergey Soloviev: Well, again, there are no normal things in love! We say all the time that love brings us joy. As Tsvetaeva was asked: "But you are always happy in love, do your wings grow?" She looked at the questioner as if he were a madman and asked: "What happens if love is happy?" We somehow want to domesticate this concept of love and make it comfortable. Neither to home, nor to comfort, nor to that, nor to "oohs" ... Finally, we understood how to live - you need to live by love - and we will be happy. This is all terrifying vulgarity, killing the general sense of this feeling. When I read one description of how Turgenev looked just when I started to sing Viardot, I suddenly realized: my mother, what a horror it is! We say: Turgenev was sitting on the edge of someone else's ... He never had the feeling that he was sitting on the edge of something alien. He had the feeling that, on the contrary, they were sitting on the edge of something alien and could not understand it. It literally read the following: "At the first sounds of Viardot's voice, when she began to sing, Turgenev became pale, and from the side it was clear that he was on the eve of a terrible mental fainting." This made him faint.
Maybe I should change my life, maybe it's not that love? - when love, then there are no such questions. He could not change anything, do nothing, because it is - as Bunin brilliantly formulated - a sunstroke.
Olga Kuchkina: And yet - a wonderful disease - they say.
Sergey Soloviev: It's already more beautiful.
Olga Kuchkina: But - a disease.
Sergey Soloviev: And this is sunstroke. Well, you were hit on the head with a heavy hammer - why should one expect a comfortable and happy state from this, that "the main thing is for me to save this sunstroke and live in this foolishness until ..."? We are confusing concepts. Although at the moment of sunstroke ...
Olga Kuchkina: Seryozhechka, someone can save it. Don't take this opportunity away.
Sergey Soloviev: That's right, I don't take away. I'm just saying that I am very glad to hear such information about love. I'm just saying that this is not necessary internally for yourself ...
Tatiana Tkachuk: ... equate one with the other.
Sergey Soloviev: Yes, the level of well-being will be increased, the GDP will be doubled and everyone will be in love - and then we will be very comfortable and good to live. No, love is a tragic feeling that simply takes over ... This is ball lightning, a blow, whatever.
Tatiana Tkachuk: When you talked about sunstroke, I thought it looked more like, perhaps, even a lightning strike.
Olga Kuchkina: And sunstroke, by the way, is a hard thing. I experienced, I had.
Tatiana Tkachuk: So do I.
Olga Kuchkina: This is a tough thing.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you gentlemen. Let's listen to the calls. Moscow, Vladimir, hello.
Listener: Good afternoon friends. I agree with Seryozha, yes, indeed, the word "love" is very worn out and has lost its meaning. I love seeds, I love my wife, I love God - it's all one word. But in the Greek language there are several meanings of the word "love". The lowest form of love is denoted by the word "eros" - carnal love. Love between friends is denoted by the word "filio". And there is also the highest form of love - sacrificial love, selfless love - and it is called the word "agape". It was this love that inspired Jesus Christ to come to earth and accomplish his great feat at Calvary. It is this love that endures for a long time, is merciful, does not get irritated, does not think evil, covers everything and believes everything and never stops. Let the Lord bless you with just such love. Thank.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Vladimir. Since you are talking about definitions and about some gradations, I want to cite one quote from the site for Sergey. Constantine from Australia, the author of the letter, writes: "Love is a hormone-conditioned state of a predominantly healthy person, in which his most important physiological needs find their natural satisfaction in the most acceptable and accepted form in this community." Oh how !!! Then he quotes Freud, who believed that a healthy person should work, play and love, and if for some reason he cannot do all this, then this person should be treated.
Sergei, the question is, actually: is it a little dry, but sure, or is everything that our Australian listener wrote has to do with sex, but not love?
Sergey Soloviev: You see, it's about understanding. I would like to understand what it is. For example, a very intelligent woman, balanced, calm, reasonable, Anna Andreevna Akhmatova was completely furious at the mention of Freud's name. She said: "If he is right, then everything in general that happened to me personally is all insanity, just insanity, which can be divided into these very figs of his, what a fig in childhood, what a fig still ..." Freud is the wisest a man, educated, normal people, he watched everything. She says: "Well, his observations have nothing to do with the true life of the soul, because they are different things." That is, positive knowledge about the world is one type of thing. That secret and main knowledge about the world, which love enters into, does not at all agree with the positive.
That is, it is impossible to think of a more unhappy person than Turgenev, but there was no happier person either - that's the number. And I read about how they removed - already old man Turgenev - together with Viardot a house in Paris, and he lived above Viardot, and she was below, and he punched a hole in the floor and put a pipe from the steamer there, because he did not have I had enough health to go down. And her students came, and they began to play music, play, and she sang along - and he stood on top of this trumpet and said: "Here, here, here ..." - and offered to stick his ear into the pipe. And people listened and looked at him like the last idiot: what, in fact, did he hear there? Almost nothing was heard there. That's what love is!
Tatiana Tkachuk: This is by no means a "hormonally conditioned state of a predominantly healthy person" (laughs).
Sergey Soloviev: That's for sure ... You can't introduce these concepts into the concept of "comfortable life", you know. Anna Karenina - Tsvetaeva said brilliantly about her. She says: "It is the tragedy of a woman who got everything she wanted." You see what nonsense this is! And the inventions of the so-called Anna Karenina, that Vronsky no longer loves her, is impossible. As he loved, he loves, but she begins to go crazy that he does not love her. By what means?
Tatiana Tkachuk: That is, he does not love her enough or not the way she wants.
Sergey Soloviev: Due to the fact that the ball of ball lightning rolled away for this time for some angle. Maybe he would have rolled back, but the disappearance of this fiery ball of love from her direct field of vision, which she had never seen in her life before Vronsky ... There is no way to explain this by any concepts.
Olga Kuchkina: This is just about the insane fullness of existence and instantly insane emptiness. Do you know, gentlemen, that, in general, everyone is given happiness and unhappiness absolutely evenly, but it can be either very deep, and then if you are deeply happy, then you are just as deeply unhappy, you can also experience this feeling, or this rather flat - you are a little happy, a little unhappy. But this is equal - that is, by the way, the absolutely amazing mystery of life. Now, if you look at yourself and those around you, you will see this formula, completely insane.
Tatiana Tkachuk: That is, there is no chance of being very happy, and then not suffering for it does not exist?
Olga Kuchkina: No, it doesn't exist.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. Thank you, Sergey. Petersburg, Georgy, you are on the line. Hello.
Listener: Greetings. I want to note two points. First, there are three world forces - this is love, hatred, and the third is cold, heartless wisdom, which is more common among scientists, in particular, who invented the atomic bomb. And second, I want to briefly tell the legend about John the Theologian, namely the legend. He lived, as you know, for a very long time, to a ripe old age, and did not die a violent death, like all other disciples of Jesus Christ. A disciple once asked: "Sir, why do you keep telling us about love? Every time we start, you translate everything into that." He says: "Dear ones, the fact is that apart from love, nothing exists in the world. Therefore, I am telling you about love." Thank.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Georgiy. I will cite two opinions opposite to yours from the site. Mila, 37, from Kazakhstan, writes that love is a rare success, a win, a gift of fate. Then she reflects this: "Few people win in the casino, but no one asks the question, can you live without winning in the casino? You can live without love. And this does not mean dryness or stinginess of the soul." Yuri from Tomsk adds that you can live without love in life if you have something to do. "But if there are no problems with survival and there is nowhere to put money," writes Yuri, "then life without love is unbearable, especially for women."
Sergei, nevertheless, in your opinion, is it so physical, perhaps, the impossibility to exist without love - is it really a feature that is more feminine than masculine?
Sergey Soloviev: No, female, male ... Indeed, yes, women, men, but in the main it is some kind of single human ...
Tatiana Tkachuk: That is, the gender approach is not close to you?
Sergey Soloviev: I cannot seriously hear about feminist problems, that we are not chosen enough, we are not chosen enough, we do not participate in management. Everything in this world is correct and balanced, in general, it was originally arranged. And everything that we say about love, in particular, is absolutely the same for men, for women. We are all living beings, in which either the pragmatic feeling that "we are ours, we new world we will build who was nothing, he will become everything, "or we seem to know from the start that nothing needs to be built, everything is built in reality, but you just need to understand yourself, understand the person who is next to you. Not even understand, but feel , to feel outside the so-called positive approach to the world, that is, in principle, it seems to me that people who are serious about society are doomed, since all social delights and all social horrors have no secrets.
Olga Kuchkina: Personality is a priority, of course.
Sergey Soloviev: Yes, but a person lives outside of society. That is, the most important task of a developed, serious society is to contribute to lagging behind a person, from an individual, to let him live alone or together with whoever he likes, or five of them, to experience some unthinkable, extra-social things. Therefore, one single thing is important - it is the autonomy of the existence of the human person, absolute independence. And the work of society is only to give an opportunity ...
Tatiana Tkachuk: Get behind.
Sergey Soloviev: ... to fall behind, to get rid of.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Sergey. Olga, please.
Olga Kuchkina: But Boris Pasternak has such a prose, begun and not finished, which is called "Lovelessness". And there, by the way, we are talking about the events of the February revolution, that is, not about love, but it is called "Lovelessness". And this is just, by the way, about society too. This is about the fact that the girl wrote alone, that you can live without love, if only there was something interesting to do, but you can't, you can't, it's a mistake. Either she loves, but does not know it, or she is mistaken. And I wanted to tell you, Seryozha, that in your films ... you were surprised that they are about love, but in fact this also means that they are about life, but this just means that life is equal to love ...
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. We'll take another call. And about society, I will have a question for you. St. Petersburg, Georgy Georgievich, hello.
Listener: Hello. Your guest spoke about Inessa Armand and Lenin. Why not remember Hitler and Eva Braun? After all, it is not known whose ideas, Lenin's or Hitler's, brought more harm to humanity. Let's take a look at North Korea.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Georgy Georgievich, we are not talking about the ideas of certain leaders today, but we are talking today about love. And I, with your permission, with such a rigid hand will not let you take us away from the topic. And we will take a call from Lyudmila from Smolensk. Lyudmila, hello.
Listener: Hello gentlemen. I am 68 years old, and if we talk about love, I support the radio listener who said that we only recognize in old age whom we loved. And love, from my point of view, is something light, spiritualized, not clouded by passion and lust. These, in my opinion, are incompatible things. I can say that, I am 68 years old, and since I was 18 years old, just one name shines for me. This time. Secondly, you know, gentlemen, it is a shame to waste the precious time of Radio Liberty talking about love, lust, and guilt. There is a program "Encyclopedia of the Russian Soul", about health, yours, in particular - you are all doing well, but we need more freedom in 1991. The country is at a turning point, fear reigns everywhere, people's fate is in danger.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thank you, Lyudmila. I do not promise you that I will not talk about love ...
Actually, my question about society was like this. Please tell me, gentlemen, why in our society we do not at all understand such a motive for divorce as "love ended"? Drinks - understandable, beats - understandable, walks - understandable. But when two people get divorced, and friends ask what happened, and someone answers "I fell out of love" or "I fell out of love" - \u200b\u200babsolutely bewildered faces. It seems that we saw such a sociological cross-section both in the survey of Muscovites and in the mail that came, you said some wonderful things today, but when we are faced with an everyday situation, people do not understand. So what, well, we have lived for 20 years - what kind of love is there? It seems to have got used to it, it seems to have got used to it, everything seemed to be fine, there are no objective reasons. This is not considered an objective reason. What happens in this case, Olga?
Olga Kuchkina: The fact is that in general this is my own, my personal life, and I am not at all obliged to tell whether I have fallen out of love or not. I can say - we didn't agree. That is, it doesn't matter at all, I think.
Tatiana Tkachuk: 20 years "converged", and then "did not agree"?
Olga Kuchkina: It doesn't matter what words it was put on when you disperse. But, of course, love is gone, of course, just that. Nothing else is the cause.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. Sergey, what do you think?
Sergey Soloviev: It seems to me that in relation to this feeling you should have a constant, total feeling that you do not know anything. That is, in particular, let's say I'm not convinced when we talk about happy lovethat it is always associated with the concept of marriage, it may be quite the opposite. That is, total ignorance from the point of view of practical reason. And total amazement at where this is leading you. And I do not at all believe in such a reasonable construction of a love relationship, which should end with something. Oddly enough, the total development of love relations in Anna Karenina, and these very 10 lines about the properties of passion that Pasternak dreamed of, ended quite logically with the wheels of a train. And they could not end with anything else. Was it happiness or unhappiness - I don't know, it's a big question. I am shooting a picture about Anna Karenina, and I have no answers. I’m just the only thing I think about is to write those 10 lines "about the properties of passion" that Lev Nikolaevich brilliantly wrote.
Olga Kuchkina: Well, Pasternak wrote it.
Sergey Soloviev: Well yes...
Tatiana Tkachuk: Sergei, what do you think, why are there no modern films about love of such power? You are shooting "Karenina" - it's still a classic. Why?
Olga Kuchkina: Seryozha, please take off my novel "The Voice of Ash". This is a modern passion.
Sergey Soloviev: In the same way, one of the oligarchs asked me: "Listen, can you explain to me, but why hasn't a picture about a good, smart, strong, active, creative oligarch appeared?"
Tatiana Tkachuk: Because it's not there.
Sergey Soloviev: I say: "No, I cannot explain to you."
Olga Kuchkina: Tanya, give me half a minute.
Part one.
Well look.
Well, take it.
Well, lie down. Just know that I will kill you.
Part two.
It's so healing to look at the girls.
Well look.
It's so healing to take their hand.
Well, take it.
It's so healthy to lie in bed with them.
Well, lie down. Do what you want, just be alive.
Tatiana Tkachuk: Thanks Olga. Thank you, Sergey. Viktor Dubrovsky writes to our website that the concept of love cannot be reduced only to what happens between a man and a woman. "The love of parents and children forms the psyche for the rest of our lives. Love for creativity makes us people," Victor reflects. "Many are also gifted with just love for life as such. And this is wonderful, although difficult for others." I don’t know, in my opinion, on the contrary, it’s difficult for those around them who don’t know the feeling about which we have been talking for an hour today ...
Instructions
Don't take loneliness as a disadvantage. Thousands of people around the world dream of having more free time. So use it one hundred percent. Take care of your appearance, go to the solarium, beauty salon, sign up for a fitness club. These are places where people rarely go in pairs, you will feel comfortable there.
Find a hobby. Photography, soap making, painting on fabric, modeling - there are a huge number of activities that help self-expression. And the creator, as you know, must be lonely, so that the relationship does not distract him from creating beauty. Perhaps you will become so carried away by a hobby that it will develop into a profession. And you will find not only your favorite pastime, but also an adored job for life.
Connect with your friends more closely. During your time in a relationship, you completely abandoned them. It's time to remember how you had fun together and try to rekindle the friendship. Of course, people you know might be offended by you for giving them so little attention while in a relationship. To become close people again, you will have to make an effort. Engage in rekindling your friendship, it will put thoughts of loneliness out of your head.
Compensate for love for a partner with love for loved ones. If you have a need to take care of someone, help your parents, brothers, sisters. For their own experiences, people often do not notice that it is also difficult for their relatives. Imbued with their problems, try your best to help. In response, close people are able to give real disinterested love, which you now lack so much.
Do not dwell on loneliness, lead an active social life, communicate with friends, do not forget about loved ones. A person with a positive attitude is immediately noticeable, he attracts others. And very soon you will get rid of loneliness, since there are always enough fans of open and happy people, you just have to choose.
Related Videos
Love is a wonderful feeling. But it is not a prerequisite happy life... Don't be upset if you haven't found a loved one. Focus on other aspects of your life.
Instructions
Be a self-sufficient person. Do not be discouraged because there is no loved one next to you. To enjoy life, you only need yourself and the whole world.
Take up work or study. Focus on building your career. Find the professional field and field of activity that is close to you.
Find a hobby you like. Hobby - good way reveal your talents and get great pleasure at the same time. Think about what you enjoy doing and do it.
Develop. Read useful and high-quality fiction, expand your horizons. Watch educational films and get interested in the news of politics, science and finance.
Travel. Learn about how people live in other cities and countries, enjoy new experiences that travel gives. Traveling provides not only a chance to see sights, taste national dishes and get to know interesting people, but also the opportunity to look at life in a new way.
Take care of your health. Proper nutrition, adequate sleep, exercise will keep your body strong and healthy, and your well-being. Quitting bad habits will significantly improve your standard of living.
Create comfort in your home. Beautiful interior, comfortable furniture, the presence of pleasant little things will make your stay in the house a real pleasure.
Don't get hung up on what you don't have. Focus on the things that fill your life. Tune in to the positive and your life will improve.
Lead an active lifestyle. Meet friends, go for walks, attend cultural events. Think about things that make you happy every day.
The human body can do without food and water for several days. But can he do without the most difficult, contradictory and, admittedly, necessary and dear feeling - love?
You can if you are careful enough?
Of course, the best teacher in life and example is one's own experience. Takes, maybe a little expensive, but explains very clearly. Since each person is unique in his own way, it will be possible to understand whether he can live without love only after a certain period of life.
The need for love, according to the hierarchy of Abraham Maslow, is inferior to the problems of nutrition and self-defense. In fact, grieving lovers are the most hungry and defenseless people. First, they need to feel oneness with their soul mate, and only then will they say that they are able to resist the whole world. And the food of the whole world.
From love to hate and back
Answering specifically to the question "Why can't you live without love?", You can identify several generally valid options. One of which is because a person lives in it. Maybe not always and constantly it is felt. Is it visible? when small children snuggle up to their parents, couples in love walk by the hand or two family gray hairs are bending to each other on a bench. It is tangible if you read your favorite books and writers, listen to your favorite music, do what you love. Of course, a variety of pets are also loved. Maybe not all household members at once, but still loved.
Love comes to homes through numerous melodramas, sad romances, books and magazines of love stories. Let not always artistic plots give a true representation of love. But we are talking about her.
Another option involves maintaining the necessary natural balance. For the hot there is cold, for the sour - sweet, for the sober - drunkenness, and for free breathing - suffocation. Thus, love is a necessity, the opposite of hatred, dislike and antipathy. It is natural that everything that exists in the world has a pair for itself, even if it is absolutely opposite. And do not forget that the step from love to hate from time to time goes in the opposite direction.
Love and be loved!
The third option is the most pleasant for everyone - a person just needs to be taken care of, accept his shortcomings and understand his sorrows. To be expected at home, they prepared dinner. Not everyone admits it, but many people enjoy going to the cinema, theaters and amusement parks together, just evening walks, because they may not feel lonely. Only those who love are capable of disinterested, tender and affectionate sharing in this way. Just because a person is. And also those who enjoy caring for someone, but not a burden or family responsibility.
Discussions on whether it is possible to live without love will last as long as humanity lives. Indeed, why does a person need love if he has a mind, arms, legs and all the benefits of civilization created by him? But would the development of this very civilization be possible without love?
Why can't a person live without love?
Because without her, he simply would not have been born. lies at the heart of the reproductive instinct, it is also an invariable component of a mother's feelings for her born child, which prompts her to take care of him and protect him to the last drop of her blood. Love is the foundation, the support of everything. When it is there, a person wants to live, work, breathe, and most importantly - to give. Those incapable of love can give nothing in return, they never will good spouses, parents, children. Their world, fenced off from all the rest, is pitiful and poor.
It is possible to live in a marriage without love, but whether it will be happy is the question. Many choose a mate for themselves based on the criteria of wealth, position in society, etc. It is more important for them to look, to create an impression, and not to be. They are ready to give up happiness for the sake of imaginary well-being, but over time, many realize that this is the wrong way. Asking yourself if a person can live without love, you need to think about the meaning of his life. Does he exist at all? After all, his whole existence is an empty and meaningless struggle, an effort over himself, because such a member of society does not feel support. The ground beneath him is unsteady, like sand, and lonely, like the wind in a field. Confucius said that love is what makes a person a person. Those who do not know this feeling destroy our planet, start wars and catastrophes, and those who love create and are ready to sacrifice themselves for the sake of love for their neighbor.
Good afternoon, dear readers! Men and women build different relationships, enter into a marriage of convenience, sincerely fall in love with each other, find a faithful and true friend in a partner. But things don't always work out the way we would like. I met very different married couples, in some there was love and harmony, while others simply tolerated each other because of the need to be together. Today I would like to raise the following question - is it possible to live without love in marriage?
What is marriage
Agree, family life today is quite different from family life people, shall we say, of the nineteenth or eighteenth century. There have always been relationships that were built not on love and other bright feelings, but on comfort, convenience and mercantile calculation. And today such examples are not new.
Some women are looking for a sponsor in their spouse. It is important for them to feel financial security, to live in luxury and wealth, and whether there are feelings for a man or not is no longer so important.
One of my clients met her future husband just to get citizenship. She told him so bluntly. He agreed. But they began to live together and a real passion flared up between them. Later, both realized that they fell in love with each other. So they live together to this day.
In the article "" you can see by examples what spouses are looking for in each other. Sometimes love simply transforms over time, becomes not as ardent and passionate as before, but still maintains happiness in the family.
Mind and Heart
One of my clients is terribly tormented by the fact that her feelings for her husband have passed. But since they have common child, she does not consider divorce, at least until her son is eighteen years old. She is ready to live with an unloved person, because she believes that children should live in a full-fledged family.
Everyone chooses their own option. If you feel that you have cooled to your partner, then be sure to read the article "". After all - not always the best option.
Feelings can and should be supported. Yes, many years in a marriage, even a civil one, dull emotions. , goose bumps do not run from touch, breathing does not stop, and so on. But besides that, there are other wonderful things in marriage. Such as caring, respect, trust and support. And sometimes it is worth giving preference to this particular side of family life.
If you have problems with respect and trust in the family, then I highly recommend that you read my article "". For without love it is possible to save a marriage, but without respect and trust it is not.
What to choose
Each person makes his own choice. Someone gives preference to feelings, emotions, passions. Others look at marriage more calculating and down-to-earth. How to proceed is up to you. If you are completely confused and do not understand what is happening, and together we will try to understand your situation.
First, try to understand if you and your faithful can correct the situation and revive your feelings. Sometimes it is enough to live separately for a month or another and you will take a fresh look at your partner.
It took a couple of my acquaintances a year of separate life to understand that they cannot live without each other. But now I can call them one of the happiest couples.
If you understand that a relationship without love is not for you and you cannot fix this situation in any way, then you should not endure and force yourself to live with a person. It will be much better to disperse and find your happiness with another person. So instead of two unhappy people, two happy couples will appear.
Remember, this is a job. Any relationship requires effort and effort on your part and on the part of your partner. Nothing just hangs on.
Why does it seem to you that your love has passed? How many relationships have you had in total? How often do you fall in love? What is love to you? Tell us an example of a relationship without love and how did it end?
I am sure that you will make the right choice and be extremely happy.
Good luck to you!
Not being loved is just a failure, not loving is a misfortune.Albert Camus
There are many women in the world for whom the meaning of life lies precisely in love, because love adorns and saturates life, makes it full and beautiful. Many women are looking for their ideal throughout their lives. Each new romance they have is the best, and each man is the last. And what good is such love? Pathological love craving is not good. But many examples can be found of how people managed to live their whole lives without love. Suffice it to recall Tsarist Russia, when the overwhelming number of marriages was concluded by convenience. Over time, the couple got used to each other, and instead of love, they experienced affection and a sense of mutual respect. Today we will talk about how to live without love in a timely world.
The life of every present person passes according to its own scenario: study, work, career. Each time we set ourselves new challenges and strive to make our life the most comfortable. Therefore, for many business people, feelings fade into the background, since unbridled passions sometimes simply interfere with the achievement of their goals.
How to replace love
To live without love, it is enough to overload yourself with work, devote your life to social activities, help those in need, etc. Because of the endless string of things, your mind will be busy with new ideas, and your heart will strictly obey your mind.
As world practice shows, it is still possible to live without love, because it is difficult to put an equal sign between sex and love. At the same time, a large number of men and women have sex, at best feeling sympathy for each other. If a person, by virtue of his instincts, cannot live without sexual intercourse, then where is love. Therefore, the life of many is limited only to rare bed scenes, but otherwise life goes on according to a clearly planned scenario.
It is not difficult to live without love, especially if a person himself desires it. And this has its advantages: life without love becomes even and rational, without ups and downs, without stupid actions, etc. However, if you crave love, then one day it will find you.
Love needs to be able to wait
Many women ask about how to live without love if you strive for it with all your might, but it still does not come? The answer to this question is quite simple - you need to be able to wait. After all, love will cover you headlong when you least expect it. You can wait for this feeling for a week, a year, five years, and some wait for it for decades and find love only at the end of their lives.
It is quite difficult to live without love if you say with all your appearance that you need this feeling. Probably, this is the saddest situation when you are waiting for love, but it does not come. At such moments, your life can be filled with mental suffering: meaning is lost in your actions, desires and in general in your life, but inside it is empty, lonely and cold. Your heart becomes like a dry stream that needs to be filled with life-giving moisture in order for it to regain life.
What the lack of love is fraught with
Many people manage to live very successfully without love. However, despite the external eventfulness, sometimes lonely people are stifled by melancholy. They begin to work even more and try to be in the company of other people all the time, so as not to be alone with their own thoughts. People who live without love lose part of their soul and part of those feelings that love can give. There is no sweet expectation of a long-awaited meeting, there is no anticipation of a weekend that can only be spent together, there are no pleasant memories of the last night of love that can be scrolled through your head like a film strip. There is none of this, as if some part of life was simply torn out of the general sequence of events.
Life without love is emptiness, cold, loneliness, sadness, boredom, depression. All life loses its meaning. Doesn't matter anymore beautiful manicure, fashion dress, lace lingerie, and all because there is no one next to whom you could give all your passion.
How to live without love - this question worries many single women who, like robots, perform their daily duties, while not experiencing any positive emotions.
Trying to live without love, many women seek to replace the inner emptiness with some kind of external events: they try to fill their lives with optimism, communicate with cheerful friends, and watch comedy films. Of course, to some extent it helps to get rid of sadness and sad thoughts, but love is not just fun and joy, it is something more that fills a person with endless joy and euphoria. Love creates a feeling of lightness in the soul and fills the inner emptiness, but most importantly, love gives rise to a strong desire to live and give happiness to the whole world and, above all, to him. Therefore, it is worth hoping that someday love will come into your life and the nightmare of loneliness will end.
