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How to live without love and how to deal with loneliness. In a marriage without love, it is possible to live happily

How to live without love and how to deal with loneliness. In a marriage without love, it is possible to live happily

19.11.2019

Love inspires poets, musicians and artists, but not everyone can meet it in real life. Sometimes life circumstances turn out to be stronger than a person's desires, forcing him to spend years alone. How to live without love in the modern world, and is this feeling so important for a strong, successful person?

Loneliness options and ways to deal with it

Psychologists have repeatedly studied the phenomenon of love and loneliness, and came to the conclusion that there are three types of the latter concept:

temporary loneliness, when, having interrupted one relationship, a person has not yet had time to enter into another;
voluntary loneliness implies a balanced rejection of feelings for one reason or another;
loneliness in love, which you have to face if there are not enough feelings in a relationship.

Yes, it often happens that a person, breaking off one relationship, is forced to wait for several months, or even years, for the next ideal to appear. In such situations, there is only one way out: without fear of looking for a soul mate, attending events, parties, any gatherings where a long-awaited meeting can take place.

If the desire to be alone is dictated by internal, emotional considerations, then here you will have to delve into your own feelings before taking on a relationship. Sometimes, after a difficult breakup, a person is so disappointed with romance that he completely excludes it from his life. He learns to be always alone, enjoying meeting friends and relatives. In such situations, psychologists advise either to wait out the storm, or to overpower yourself and trust new feelings.

If a person feels unhappy in a relationship, then loneliness in love will inevitably overtake him. In such situations, there is only one way out: to end a relationship that does not bring any pleasure in order to open up to new acquaintances.

How to exist without love

Psychologists are sure that a person is in vital need of love, and without this feeling he plunges into depression. Perhaps its signs will not be noticeable at first, but from month to month they will only get stronger. How can you live without such sincere feelings, and what advice do psychologists give?

In order not to feel the blues, you need to carry yourself away with a variety of activities from refresher courses to going to the cinema and to the theater. The less time a person sits at home and thinks about loneliness, the better.
Traveling is a sure way to forget about your own loneliness for a long time and plunge into the world of pleasant impressions.
Psychologists advise to communicate more with friends and relatives, because their support will once again remind a person that someone needs and needs him.
Diving headlong into work is another alternative for someone who is temporarily left without love victories.

The best way to forget about love, at least for a while, is to spend the maximum amount of time away from home. The blues will quickly retreat, and the person himself will be able to know all the delights of loneliness. This concept itself should not be perceived as purely negative, because loneliness has a lot of advantages, and it is this concept that can give a person absolute freedom.

Also, there is no need to deprive yourself of new acquaintances, because the more people are around, the more confident a loner will feel in the end. Thanks to the environment, it will be possible to cope with any blues, and perhaps among new acquaintances, the same notorious second half will be found.

How not to live without love

Sometimes, having lost a stable relationship, a person begins to commit stupid things, for which he is subsequently very ashamed. How can you not fight loneliness?

alcohol is the main enemy of any person suffering from love, and you do not need to turn to it even in extreme cases;
promiscuous sex is also unlikely to help you forget;
you do not need to constantly feel sorry for yourself and complain to others about your unsightly lot;
psychologists advise not to plunge into the blues and not lock yourself at home during this period, because the time of loneliness can be used effectively.

It is sometimes difficult to live without love, especially if a person has always been in a long and stable relationship before. However, this does not mean that you need to seize stress or drink it with alcohol: the more time a loner spends on self-improvement, the better for him.

Psychologists urge not to be complex due to the lack of love relationships in personal life, because they can be replaced by communication with friends, career achievements. Even if in the end a person fails to build a family, he can achieve success in other areas.

It is possible to exist in the modern world without love, and many people choose this path voluntarily, simply not trusting the opposite sex. However, once letting this sincere feeling into his life, a person will be able to realize all his merits, against the background of which even prolonged loneliness will seem worthless.

Maria, Moscow

Instructions

Don't take loneliness as a disadvantage. Thousands of people around the world dream of having more free time. So use it one hundred percent. Take care of your appearance, go to the solarium, beauty salon, sign up for a fitness club. These are places where people rarely go in pairs, you will feel comfortable there.

Find a hobby. Photography, soap making, painting on fabric, modeling - there are a huge number of activities that help self-expression. And the creator, as you know, must be lonely, so that relationships do not distract him from creating beauty. Perhaps you will become so carried away by a hobby that it will develop into a profession. And you will find not only your favorite pastime, but also an adored job for life.

Connect with your friends more closely. During your time in a relationship, you completely abandoned them. It's time to remember how you had fun together and try to rekindle the friendship. Of course, people you know might be offended by you for giving them so little attention while in a relationship. To become close people again, you will have to make an effort. Engage in rekindling your friendship, it will put thoughts of loneliness out of your head.

Compensate for love for your partner with love for loved ones. If you have a need to take care of someone, help your parents, brothers, sisters. For their own experiences, people often do not notice that it is also difficult for their relatives. Imbued with their problems, try your best to help. In response, close people are able to give real disinterested love, which you now lack so much.

Do not get hung up on loneliness, lead an active social life, communicate with friends, do not forget about loved ones. A person with a positive attitude is immediately noticeable, he attracts others. And very soon you will get rid of loneliness, since there are always enough fans of open and happy people, you just have to choose.

You can if you are careful enough?

Of course, the best teacher in life and example is one's own experience. Takes, maybe a little expensive, but explains very clearly. Since each person is unique in his own way, it will be possible to understand whether he can live without love only after a certain period of life.

The need for love, according to the hierarchy of Abraham Maslow, is inferior to the problems of nutrition and self-defense. In fact, grieving lovers are the most hungry and defenseless people. First, they need to feel oneness with their soul mate, and only then will they say that they are able to resist the whole world. And the food of the whole world.

From love to hate and back

Answering specifically to the question "Why can't you live without love?", You can identify several generally valid options. One of which is because a person lives in it. Maybe not always and constantly it is felt. Is it visible? when small children snuggle up to their parents, couples in love walk by the hand or two family gray hairs are bending to each other on a bench. It is tangible if you read your favorite books and writers, listen to your favorite music, do what you love. Of course, a variety of pets are also loved. Maybe not by all household members at once, but still loved.

Love comes to homes through numerous melodramas, sad romances, books and magazines of love stories. Let not always artistic plots give a true representation of love. But we are talking about her.

Another option involves maintaining the necessary natural balance. For the hot there is cold, for the sour - sweet, for the sober - drunkenness, and for free breathing - suffocation. Thus, love is a necessity, the opposite of hatred, dislike and antipathy. It is natural that everything that exists in the world has a pair for itself, even if it is absolutely opposite. And do not forget that the step from love to hate from time to time goes in the opposite direction.

Love and be loved!

Option three is the most pleasant for everyone - a person just needs to be taken care of, to accept his shortcomings and understand his sorrows. To be expected at home, they prepared dinner. Not everyone admits, but many people enjoy going to the cinema, theaters and amusement parks together, just evening walks, because they may not feel lonely. Only those who love are capable of disinterested, tender and affectionate sharing in this way. Just because a person is. And also those who enjoy caring for someone, but not a burden or family responsibility.

How often it happens in life -

What we love, we do not love ...

We love, drowning in feelings,

But it's a pity that they don't need us ...

Common situation? I think that each of us has come across such families, even if only by examples around us. Neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, colleagues - anyone can serve as an example of such a family, but it is worse when we ourselves are faced with this.

Unfortunately, such situations occur very often in life. Most often, in childhood, adolescence, when our love is unrequited and makes us suffer from unrequited feelings. But, sadly, many couples create a family union without love. The reasons? Yes, many: financial problems, an unplanned pregnancy, the agreement of influential parents, the fear of being alone, a sense of duty, pity. What if the family is created, but there is no reciprocity? How to correct such injustice and? Fortunately, it is possible to live happily in a loveless marriage. Let's look at everything from the outside and we will probably see the necessary tips and tricks based on our life situations.

To begin with, I propose to consider this problem from the side of each of the spouses.

Wife side

We women are inherently unpredictable "creatures." Sometimes it is very difficult for us, or even impossible to understand and make out our feelings. Women are often a mystery even to themselves. Many women have a number of complexes and fears that push her to create an unequal marriage. Many psychologists argue that at a young age it is sometimes inexplicable, defies any influence, and most importantly, is eternal. At first, you love a person not for something, but just like that, but after moving to a different age category, women's thoughts are directed in a completely different direction. Of course you want to fall in love, but the question is already: who? And, like a capricious socialite, a woman touches on her fingers the qualities of the future chosen one: appearance, good manners, position in society, house, car, place of residence, probably not enough to count all the fingers, and as a result, such a wild desire to live comfortably, with convenience and to the envy of everyone, completely reduces any chances of falling in love. And what does any man need to be happy? Of course, female love, warmth and affection.

Husband's side

Let's see now what a woman would like from his man, or rather what is necessary, rather, it is more correct. Male attentiveness, exquisite compliments, good attitude, every manifestation of love feelings will kindle a small fire in any woman, which will eventually turn into a burning flame. Give the woman the opportunity. With your merits and demerits - you are also a person who deserves to be loved. The male personality itself attracts with simplicity and sincerity, an easy attitude to everything around, and, sometimes, even irresponsibility makes a woman help a man, support and direct him to the right path. Feeling some, the woman shows concern, which already makes you think about the place of this person in her life. Try to become a parent. Often, this is exactly what a woman needs.

Now let's look at some tips and try to look at the situation from the outside.

The first and "important!" - don't look for love on the side... This turn of events can simply destroy the family. If you sincerely want to be loved, loyalty and honesty are the first step to establishing a trusting relationship, and there is no love without trust.

If there is no love from the husband... Unfortunately, a man is not as responsible for creating a marriage as a woman. Sometimes, simple feminine naivety, insane love and excessive care just push a man to create such a family, and even during a wedding ceremony, choosing a piece of paper where the reasons for marriage are jokingly written, you can get on the phrase "Forced." It's funny, but, indeed, the groom was forced. It was your attitude towards him that made you want to be so loved and desired, without giving anything in return. Sometimes, women in their love are blind and ready for anything for the sake of their beloved. But how can you live in a marriage so that you can be happy not only because you love, but also because they love you very much?

Show your weakness... Women are the weaker sex, often in need of a man's help. Find reasons to help you, protect you, and take care of you. For a man, the realization that he is needed brings pleasure and the desire to constantly protect this person. Get him interested. Find a lot of "impossible" jobs for you and reasons to help you. Yes, even hammer in a nail to hang a picture from your vacation or even a wedding.

Spend more time on your appearance... As you know, men, first of all, love with their eyes. Cleanliness, neatness, light makeupwill make the man think about his woman more often. Take, for example, well, or just walking. By the way, one of the ideas is to involve your husband in the evening walks. Many of my acquaintances took this advice and became close to their husbands quite easily.

Discover your talents... Every woman has hidden talents, including the talent for making a man fall in love with her. Be indispensable at work and at home, do what you love, and even profitable. Your husband will only appreciate it. , but just do not overdo it, as an excessive manifestation of literacy and mental abilities suppress the male nature.

Share your interests with your husband... You are madly in love, and he is constantly busy with his own affairs and work. Try to find out more about this. Support him in his work and, be an interesting conversationalist, a skilled fisherman, a gambling gambler, a travel lover, a fan of the football you hate, finally. 100% guarantee, if you mention one of the players in the game, accidentally remembering his surname, when the commentator comments on the match, and your husband knows that you hate football, take my word for it - the reaction will be overwhelming! Your common interests will gradually bring you closer together.
It is impossible to calculate whether a marriage will be happy! As life shows, any union can disintegrate - both concluded for love and for interest, and if it so happened that the family was not created for love, you need to make every effort, show all tender feelings and noble qualities, so that one fine day God has rewarded you with mutual feelings. This applies to both men and women.

But still, on my own behalf, I will add my opinion - whatever one may say, but a woman is a neck. Where it turns, as they say, the head will look there. Turn on your imagination, interest your man, because you know him better than others. Be cunning, but not devious. Help your husband to take the path of happiness, lead him to this path and extend a hand of understanding. Affection, femininity, tenderness, kindness and sincerity are yours irreplaceable helpers... Take my word for it, no man has yet resisted this weapon. Let him not immediately give up, not tomorrow, not the day after tomorrow, but in the near future he will reciprocate you. Even if you start small, use some tips, improve them for yourself depending on your situation, you yourself will see that it is possible to live happily in a loveless marriage.

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Love and happiness to you, my dears!

The seasons are sweeping outside the window, month flies by month, and a person lives as in a dream, as if he fell into hibernation. And all because he has no object of adoration, whom to love. How to live without love? Why love at all? Without it, you can only exist ...

Wait for love to come

Every day goes according to plan, and the girl always writes down her affairs in her diary. But how can you plan out love? You can only wait. A person is not able to help himself in search of “that one”, even if he leads an active lifestyle. Perhaps the girl will have a boyfriend for whom she no longer feels anything. They will spend time in bed and wake up together, it will be nice, but there will be no love in all this.

Feelings are either there or they are simply not there. Crowds of fans follow you, but you don't like nobody, nobody turns on, doesn't even care ... The girl will ponder how to live without love when the only lasting relationship in her life was destroyed, or when she loved, but not mutually. Sometimes you have to give up, drown out the feeling, and the new ... it does not come. All that remains is to wait? ?

I have to be distracted - work, girlfriends, shopping. But even when life is in order, there is everything that I would like, but in my soul, inside. It is impossible to love through force. In such a situation, girls only have to suffer - why are they unlucky in love? What to do? Is it worth the wait? Yes, because the result of the expectation will definitely be worth it.

Living without love is boring and dreary

The problem is that even if a girl's life is full of work and meetings with friends, she yearns without love. Society of people is just a way to distract yourself from thoughts. Without warmth and love, it is difficult to relax, something presses and gnaws on a person. Lovers are given the strength to think about an upcoming date, about a night of love, about a fun weekend. It's hard to be lonely - when loud friends leave you, you are left alone with a sense of the fading of your life.

You ask yourself "Where does love live?" and you look for it everywhere - in the store, on the street, in the library. A lonely girl will habitually go to work, shopping, to buy food only for herself, to the dentist, to visit, to a concert. But without love, it's the same as cooking a meat dish without ... meat. The meaning in other products simply disappears when the main ingredient is missing.

It seems that you are doing a lot, but nothing for the sake of that long-awaited meeting with the Beloved. And then what's the point in a new hairstyle and lace panties? Even when a girl knows that she is bringing beauty for her own sake, she deeply in her soul understands that He must appreciate it. It is very difficult when that One is not.

Some say that a strong feeling is rose-colored glasses, which will subside over time, and life will turn gray. But these very glasses give a sense of life, make a holiday out of any day, give happiness, allow you to forget about problems. So is there any point in living without ever trying them on?

Love gives strength to live

When you love, all things seem to you simple, problems - solvable. You can easily go to the gym, which you could not go to for about six months, or fight back ill-wishers - there is someone for whom and for what. How to check if it is love? This is the feeling that gives you one hundred percent confidence, as if it sets you apart from others. But life without love is a struggle, an effort over oneself.

What if you want love? One should wait and believe - the cold will pass, and the emptiness in the soul will be filled with feeling. Not a month will pass, but a year, and the girl will love again, and then she will be happy. Without love, life seems empty and meaningless.

Love can be found inside, not outside

We are trying to find love in someone, but we need to understand that love has always been, is and will live within us. It happens moral conditionwhen the confidence that it is impossible to love is accumulated in the head. That this is a myth is unrealistic. Such thoughts need to be driven away immediately, because love is real. And she is human nature and a unique gift. But how can you feel it, make sure that it is true? Too much anxiety, toxic emotions and negative feelings live in a person. Therefore, pulling out such a fragile, delicate treasure from the depths of the soul and feeling it with the whole body is a whole science.

There is an easy way to feel love. Every day, leaving the house, you need to take an apple with you (banana, pear, the fruit itself is not at all important). And throughout the day, you need to offer this fruit with love to any person. It can be anyone: a neighbor, a friend, a homeless person, just a starving person who is in need. Just suggest and try to see something divine and light in this fruit. After that, the negative boundaries of consciousness and attitude towards the world begin to dissolve in a person. At such a moment, something real begins, just from the realization that you have brought kindness and care to a person. Such an action will have direct contact with the soul. That is, a person comes into contact with the source of life, and therefore begins to revive himself.

From the above, it follows that love can be felt only by giving it to someone. It can be any pet that needs attention and affection. He needs to be watched and looked after. In return, the pet will rub with tenderness on the legs and give the soul incredible peace and warmth. It can be any person who wants to somehow help or just make it nice.

Thus, the fragile flower of this feeling will gradually unfold. For love is a wave of generosity within the soul. She will make it clear that the more good is done for a living being, the more tenderness and love for him grows. A person always wants to take, receive something, hoping to see in the received some kind of light and inspiration, forgetting that by giving something (without any shadow of greed), a person begins to really fall in love with this feeling. Seeing happiness on the face of a child, giving him candy, seeing joy and affection in a pet, coming home - awakening a warm and satisfying feeling in the soul. Life without bestowal is our death. A person dries up and coarsens, chokes with the desire to receive, and not to give. There is a kind of disconnection from the source of positive feelings. This should not be allowed. You can bloom only in the process of gifting all living things with care and love.

Love on the outside let love on the inside

These actions in relation to other living beings will awaken in the soul its own importance, something that will give vitality and help to love not only the world around us, but also your own personality. When a person wants to help someone find happiness, he creates a kind of interaction with his soul and with the soul of a person who wants to help or just give a smile. Giving love - he begins to feel happy. Exactly to the extent that he is ready to give it away. And vice versa. Gradually, you can see changes in your behavior. I want to smile more, to greet more even with strangers, I want to hug everyone and everyone, I want to give all my care and affection to everyone in need. This feeling of light and warmth inside will turn the world around.

Don't try to awaken love with tricks! For example, you do not need to look for a life partner, with the goal that, having fallen in love with each other, he will awaken a sleeping feeling. Yes, the soul sings with a loved one, the body feels valuable and protected. But a person begins to love a person, and not all living things, and, possibly, not himself. He begins to love a specific creature, forgetting that first of all, you need to love the world that gave the fate of such a person.

Love is a feeling, the manifestation of which every soul longs for. It's inside, it's near. One has only to wake him up and open him to the bright surrounding world.

Let's discuss the topic “is there life without love, is it possible to live without love for the opposite sex”.

“Living without love can be just ...

But how can one live without love in the world? " (song by A. Pugacheva)

“My philosophy of life is simple: I need to love someone, wait for something and do something” (Elvis Presley).

Lack of love can lead to at least depression, as a maximum to insanity (or suicide). Naturally, the process of the latter is not momentary, but includes many years of frustration, deprivation, unsuccessful experiments in sublimation (I hope everyone is aware of these psychological terms). But love also has side effects, and not just such as getting rid of depression, in general, everything in order.

I want a new dress, shoes, a silk scarf, a new apartment and a new ... love ... Why? The whole world can, and I can! To want. Around this list, most of the world's inhabitants include love. Love is essentially a thing for many, especially in our age, when almost everyone will choose comfort over feelings.

Is Love dearer to you than shoes?

So I love silk scarves, and even when everything is not very good in life, I am distracted by the fact that I dream, what I would have bought someday, but today I will not buy, since good quality scarves have a high price. I also think it's better to buy one handkerchief a year, but good, than ten of poor quality. And I understand that about the same algorithm, dialogue, logic of those who "choose" for themselves new love, who has it at number H in the list of new desired things. And the one who catches it, waits - thinks - it is better once a year or several, but not so bright ...

Want. Want. Want. Everybody is born with this loud “want”. And I would not want to leave in the direction of accusations, moralizing - they say, first give it yourself, first start to imagine something of yourself, be a person, stop considering love a thing, and then you want it! It's corny. All people know this, they know what to give, and not just take, and they continue to want. And their knowledge does not change the world, even their own. Someone a priori considers themselves a person already by the fact of their birth, someone simply “scores” on all opinions and lives narrowly, purposefully, satisfying their selfish desires, someone really is a person ...

And love can also be compared to ... here a man lives, he has five jobs, a hard life behind him, many children, hopelessness, three credits, every day is like groundhog day: like a squirrel in a wheel with its problems, there is not even time for depression ... And he doesn't eat what he doesn't eat at the restaurant, he divides a couple of potatoes into five children. There has been no love in his life for a long time, and for him this is a kind of whim of people who are overwhelmed, but you cannot forbid dreaming. And after supper this man dreams of a dessert, a cake with horns ... The logic is clear in general. Love is the very cake that he dreams about. Yes, people live without her, but everyone wants a cake. And take this dream of a cake from them, it's not a fact that many would not be overwhelmed by depression.

Do you think people really live without love? Even those who think about others in this way, focusing on their own lives, have a secret room somewhere in their hearts with their dreams. Love is either in the past, or in the present, or in the future.

Even the father of the family, tired of "everyday life" and the eternal "must", several works, married to the same woman for 30 years, in whom he has long seen only a figure in the kitchen and a fighting friend, can live by remembering this very young wife , stupid, beautiful, and the feelings for her that she keeps as treasures in a casket, and this is what she lives. This love from the past keeps his marriage and gives strength today.

Or a person can live with one, loving another ... Remembering and cherishing the feeling that he once experienced. And even if the one who was loved for a long time by another, it does not matter. Very often they love a feeling, not a person. Or a person believes that tomorrow, even if he is 70 years old, tomorrow will meet his fate and even if he does not admit it.

Yes, with what only it cannot be compared, this love, and through what examples it is impossible to show its importance ...

Absolutely everyone wants love! Without exception. Even if a person abstracted himself from the world with a thick wall and went into a career, politics, into madness (although madness is a separate topic), into a family, in a hobby, he has already put a "cross" on himself - a coal smolders behind seven seals, locks, walls, barricades hopes that love will come one day. Even inveterate politicians, military men who have their own mindset, reinforced concrete logic, character, different from the average, want love, even if they do not admit it. Even if a person has long come to terms with life without love, replacing the latter with friendship, respect - all the same, in the far corner of his soul, he has a little gnome waving a red flag with inscriptions about the thirst for love.

Is it true what love is and what do we mean by the love that everyone is waiting for?

Passion? Love? Eternal absorption in quiet mutual feelings until the end of days? Cozy harbor with mutual help and adoration of the second half always?

In fact, no matter what a person is looking for, but more and more often they are looking for love and passion, he is looking for love, as that feeling that is real and comes after years and is not based on lust. According to a number of opinions of well-known sociologists and psychologists, even in intimate relationships, a person first of all seeks deep feelings, but not having the ability to love himself, because he does not want to learn it, he seeks in superficial impressions that which he still does not receive. Naturally, the procreation instinct works and has significance from a physiological point of view, however, if nothing but the instinct binds people, as a rule, such relationships quickly fade away. Why? Because having satisfied the urgent needs (the same Maslow's pyramid) for food, warmth, protection, comfort, sex, a person always wants something more spiritual ... and love, realization, creativity are at higher levels than essential needs.

And it very often happens that people converge with each other not because they are close in spirit, ready to give each other love, but because they are hopelessly alone and ready to be with at least someone. Having sated their thirst for communication, having quenched the cry of loneliness, they begin to understand that a stranger is nearby. But these attempts to meet, to fall in love - in the opinion of the already mentioned experts, is a veiled craving for that spiritual and incomprehensible for a simple mortal person, a part of which (spiritual) is love as something much more than passion.

For example, believers say that there are many prototypes of God's love on earth, and that a person, looking for passions, is actually drawn not to carnal love, but to God, without realizing it, to Eternal Life, and love between a man and a woman is part of it.

I will not exaggerate so much. Because for everyone his God, no matter how rude it sounds, the topic of religion is too personal. As he wrote famous poet: "Everyone chooses for themselves a woman, religion, path."

I don’t know if the prototype is love between a man and a woman, it is love, not passion, the love of God, etc., but the fact is that through many actions people are looking for it. And believers simply successfully sublimate, replacing it with the all-absorption of love for God.

We undertook to consider love only as a unit of feelings only in the context of inter-sex relations, that is, love between a mother and a child and we do not consider the other.

However, one cannot but say at least two words about this other love.

The first experience of fear of losing love, living without love, experiencing unrequited love is formed precisely in childhood. If the parents treated the child with disdain, or did not give him everything he needed in education, or he felt frequent deprivation in everything, all this negative goes with him into adulthood.

For "orphanage" children, the terms "deprivation" and "frustration" are used more often than for others.

Deprivation in this case is a painful deprivation of contact with the mother - “maternal deprivation”. If this mother has never been, then this is absolute deprivation, if the mother was, but the connection with her was abruptly cut off, then this is frustration. Frustration differs from deprivation in that a person is deprived of the good that he already possessed, and with deprivation he might not have this good initially.

“Maternal deprivation causes all kinds of deviations in the child mental development... Deviations can manifest themselves in different ways in different agesbut they can all have equally dire consequences for the formation of the child's personality.

Normal development can only take place if the child is provided with sufficient contact with the mother. Than earlier child was separated from his mother, and the longer this period lasts, the stronger the consequences of deprivation disorders will be.

Long-term deprivation in adults and children causes a number of psychophysiological disorders that turn into “psychosomatics:

“Initially, heightened conflict, irritability, insomnia, subdepression, neurocirculatory dystonia, menstruation disorders, followed by a qualitative leap and hypertension, heart attack, stroke, asthma, miscarriages, etc. will appear.

All smooth muscle organs with parasympathetic innervation are affected. For these discoveries, Frisch, Lorenz and Tinbergen received the Nobel Prize. "

This fear of deprivation of love, care, presence a loved one taken from childhood, when the mother is not around, or the mother is angry, or other forces are separated from the parents, the extreme version of this state is maternal deprivation. The stronger and more negative the experience gained while communicating with loved ones in childhood, the harder it is to live without love in adulthood.

Moreover, very often, orphanage children cannot build families, become parents themselves, because they are a protective mechanism to ensure that they do not feel the pain of breaking up with their mother again in small age for them it became a kind of autism, withdrawal from the world into themselves, infantilism. Understanding and having learned from the experience of early life that the whole world is cruel, such children are forced to form protective mechanisms at the level at which they are able to do this.

A child who grew up with his parents also faced more than once the moments when he was afraid of losing his mother, of course, not to the same extent as an orphan.

The ability to overcome this fear, become an independent person, and forms a person capable of experiencing love, giving it.

Based on this (and this is not only my opinion, a number of sociologists also saw the roots of "erotic" love - as they called love between the sexes, in the mother) - there is a version that in love we all look for some kind of maternal comfort, akin to when were pressed to the mother's breast by babies. And this dream, the image of the once beloved woman, warming on cold gray evenings, or stormy passion in the present, is nothing more than a fire from the coal of those feelings that we experienced in childhood for the person who gave birth to us.

Sublimation, which is the transformation of sexual energy and aggression into creativity, is a very important process, but it also does not replace emotional craving for feelings .. There is, of course, a sense in sublimation and projection onto something else, but when this is not an absolute course.

Now about side effects love.Many cannot imagine their life without the emotions of falling in love, but they live without it, suffering from deprivation, and yet falling in love is often something akin to drug addiction, frequent falling in love is essentially a dose without which the body is depleted. This was also established by doctors, scientists, that when falling in love with blood, a mass of hormones, endorphins, akin to amphetamines, are released.

But when a stormy period of passion ends - even at the hormonal level, a person experiences a decline, often depression or even a "withdrawal" similar to a drug ... He needs either to fall in love endlessly, or ... to sit down on other types of addiction (which is what young people often do when leaving into a binge, becoming drug addicts), or go to work, study (sublimation), so as not to feel the mental pain of losses.

Such shakes can seriously undermine health and hormonal levels.

And finally, about one of the most powerful defensive reactions to deprivation of love.This madness is like withdrawing into oneself - from unrequited love and other hardships associated with loss. Deprivation experienced in adulthood, experienced many times, plus these "shake-ups" with losses - in the end can lead to the fact that a person will go crazy (we will not specify all the reasons why this is happening). But the inability to change the current state of affairs, the death of a loved one, unrequited love sometimes leave such severe wounds in the soul that a person…. going crazy…

In a state of madness, he does not need anyone, and there, finally, he may not experience the most sick person in his life - the bitterness of loss and the need for love, he goes into the world of nothingness, his world is locked on himself ... I do not mean borderline states, and extreme, with catatonia, autism, complete detachment. Psychiatrists even identify special criteria for this condition, which has become a defensive reaction to unbearable suffering for a person. The psyche thus turns on the fuses, or already cuts it off .. it is not clear: since a person is not able to change something, but he is unable to live with pain - he replaces the real world with illusions, where he draws his own world for himself.

Orphans can “earn” acquired autism syndrome according to a similar scheme, since the mechanism of defense reactions is activated. During World War II, American psychologist Bruno Bettelheim was one of the first to investigate the problems of childhood autism, then, during the war, there were many abandoned children, one of his theories of the appearance of this condition was called "mother refrigerator", after which it was refuted as untenable. However, in the problem of secondary autism, a “cold” mother or orphanhood and complete deprivation of the mother play an important role.

At the end of the article, I would like to say that, of course, we all, to one degree or another, want love, we want to be loved, but there is one more important point, no matter how much it is liked by those who do not like moralizing.

We experience loss not only from not receiving love, but also from not giving. Indeed, in us, besides the eternal child thirsting for feelings, there is one who himself can be a mother, parent, adult, man, woman and give this love.