Kindness and patience will surely give results, and your child will learn how to do homework without stress!
If sharing homework with a child usually ends with quarrels and a spoiled mood, if doing homework with a child is no less torment for you than for him, then this article is for you.
Rule # 1. Find out the reason
If the child cannot be seated in any way homework, he comes up with endless excuses or deliberately takes time so as not to sit down to study, be sure to find out what the reason is. It is important to understand whether this aversion extends to all lessons or homework assignments in specific subjects. If the child as a whole does not want to sit down for lessons, then go to Rules No. 2 and No. 3.
If specific items evoke negative feelings, ask why. There can be many reasons: the child is not given a subject, does not like the teacher, classes on this subject cause some unpleasant associations, and so on. Read our Rule # 8.
Rule # 2. Give yourself a break
As soon as the child comes home from school, do not force him to study right away. He needs a break to switch and distract himself from school problems. Ideal if this break includes lunch or afternoon tea, a walk in the fresh air or active games.
Very young schoolchildren may need to get some sleep. It all depends on the age, temperament, state of health of your child. The main thing is that he sat down for the lessons rested and with a fresh head.
Rule # 3. Create a ritual
Create a specific ritual to do your homework without stress. For example, try to have your child sit down to do their homework at the same time at all times. The daily routine is generally useful, and in this particular case, it also teaches you to be collected and organized. In addition, the child subconsciously begins to perceive this process as something constant, taken for granted, like meals, evening washing before going to bed ...
It may be worthwhile to establish a time frame (taking into account the individual rhythm of the child and the amount of homework) during which the child is engaged, for example, half an hour or an hour (for younger students) or two hours (for older children).
There are at least two reasons for this. First, after this time, it is already difficult for the child to concentrate and work effectively. Secondly, if you add the number of hours spent at school by this time, you will see that you get an almost full working day. And this is a lot for the child's body.
Rule # 4. Organize breaks
To do homework without stress, during homework, allow your child to take short breaks - 5-10 minutes (remember: you yourself are periodically distracted by tea and smoke breaks at work). At this time, the child can get up from the table and stretch, drink juice or eat a slice of orange.
This is especially necessary for kids who are just learning to write in a recipe and sit for a long time in one position, drawing letters. During the break, the eyes will have time to rest.
Rule # 5. Be present or check
In order for a child (especially a first grader) to do their homework without stress, the parent must be present during the homework. Graduality is important here.
For very young schoolchildren, dad or mom will help organize work, make sure that the child does not get stuck on one thing. This may require you to be present at all times during class. Then, as your child grows up and acquires the skills of independent work, you can agree that he himself does easy and understandable tasks, and with you - difficult ones.
Another option - the child prepares everything himself, and you check.
Be sure to praise and emphasize his independence: “What a fine fellow you are, you did almost all the lessons yourself! You are already quite an adult! "
Rule number 6. Don't do homework for your child
The parent MUST NOT do the homework for the child. Sometimes you may be tempted to tell your child how to solve examples or answer questions to get free quickly. This is fundamentally wrong.
* Firstly, by doing so, you set a bad example for your child and do not be surprised if after some time he asks you to do the lessons for him.
* Secondly, in this way he will never learn independence and responsibility.
Go the other way: you can always subtly prompt, nudge, indicate the correct train of thought.
Rule number 7. Exercise extra
After watching a child do his homework for a while, you can easily understand what exactly causes him the most difficulties and what he spends the most time on when doing homework. Perhaps writing or some grammatical rules, mental arithmetic or retelling of the text is difficult for him.
If you want to do your homework stress-free, take extra time to these pitfalls over the weekend. Work with your child calmly, without haste, and after a while this tactic will certainly give a result. Your child will gain confidence in their abilities.
Rule number 8. Have a heart-to-heart talk
If your child perceives the learning process and homework more negatively than positively, talk to him frankly. Tell us about your school years, which subjects you did better, and which ones were difficult. It is important that the child understands that not everything and does not always work out right away, it is necessary to make efforts.
If the problem is with the teacher, exercise maximum tact. Say that the teacher is also a person, with his own pros and cons, and the child needs to properly prepare in the subject and behave properly in the lesson, then the problems will disappear. Perhaps the teacher is just very strict, and the child feels uncomfortable in his presence. (We must say right away that in especially difficult cases, perhaps you yourself should talk with the teacher and find out why the relationship with the student did not work out.)
If it's hard for a child to find mutual language with classmates, it is worth finding out what is the reason for the tension, inviting one of them to visit, organizing a joint trip somewhere or a children's party.
Rule # 9. Hire a tutor only as a last resort
You should contact a tutor only if you see a clear lag of the child in any subject, objectively confirmed by him and / or the teacher. At the same time, you yourself are not able to provide such a level of activity that would cover this gap and would enable the child to do homework without stress.
There is no need to overload the child with additional classes in a large number of subjects, even if your income allows you to enroll him in a dozen paid electives and hire the same number of tutors. Your child will still not be able to assimilate such a volume of knowledge and be equally effective in all subjects. Your child's health and time for rest and recuperation are much more important.
Rule # 10. Be patient
I would like to wish you patience. Be constructive. This is your child, it cannot be that he did not succeed at all.
A certain joint effort, your kindness and patience will definitely bring results, and your child will learn to do homework without stress!
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Parents of schoolchildren have probably come across a situation where the child does not want to complete the lessons. He is ready to do anything but homework. Often these moments lead to stressful situations in the family. Mom and Dad begin to worry, get nervous about this. The excitement is transmitted to the child, and depression ensues. Psychologists advise against such situations. To do this, you need to know how to get the child to do homework so that the process is interesting and entertaining for him. Whole methods and a set of measures have been developed, which we will talk about in the article.
Do not feel sorry for the first grader
Many parents are tormented by the question: "How to get a child to do homework?" Remember: it is necessary to teach your baby to do homework without hysterics from the first grade. From the very beginning, you need to make it clear to the child that the educational process has begun, now he has mandatory tasks that he must cope with independently.
It is important for parents to properly prepare and adapt the baby to a new stage in his life. Even during the holidays, it is worth arranging a place for doing lessons, establishing a regime. After the educational process has begun, you need to:
Hang the school timetable in a prominent place so that the child can draw up his own schedule. Do not forget to indicate the time of visiting the circles and sections. In the first couples, the baby cannot do without the help of parents. You don't need to decide everything for the child. Take a pencil and a notebook, make a detailed plan with time to do homework, walk in the fresh air, watch TV, play on the computer.
Never do lessons for a child. Even if something does not work out for him, it is better to once again explain the rules again, ask leading questions, hint, suggest.
Try to strictly follow the regime from day to day so that the child is involved in the process. Only deviate from the schedule in difficult situations (health problems, urgent matters, and so on).
Explain to your child that school is work. And it only depends on him what the result will be.
Parents often feel sorry for their first graders, considering them small. But the educational process is structured in such a way that all age capabilities of kids are taken into account. You should not worry and think that your child is overworked, because if from the first days of school you do not teach the student to do homework, in the future the question of how to force the child to do homework will certainly come up.
The draft is your friend
After the child starts attending school, the question arises of how to properly do his homework with him. Teachers recommend using drafts without fail. This will help save time for the child. It is necessary to write essays, solve examples and problems in a separate notebook. After that, the parents need to check the written. Only then can it be transferred to the final copy.
In a draft, the child can correct mistakes, you should not ask to rewrite it several times. For this, a similar notebook is needed.
Answering the question of how to do homework correctly with a child, it is necessary to be guided by the rules of psychologists and remember that up to grade 5 children are not assiduous, their attention is scattered. After 20-30 minutes of completing the lessons, it is worth taking a short five-minute break. Parents' mistake is not to let their children leave the table for 2-3 hours.
Why the child does not want to do homework. Finding out the reasons
Many children say they don't want to do their homework. In this situation, the question logically arises: "How to get a child to do homework without scandals?" First you need to find out the reasons why he refuses to comply with them. In fact, there are not so many of them:
Natural laziness. Unfortunately, there are children who have a similar phenomenon. But there are very few of them. If you know that some processes (reading books, an exciting game, watching cartoons, drawing, etc.) captivate the baby for a long time, then the problem is clearly not laziness.
Afraid of failure. This is one of the most common reasons, especially if there have previously been situations in which adults misbehaved. Suppose a strict teacher scolded in front of the whole class for a mistake, or parents scolded for a bad grade. You cannot perform such actions. Otherwise, it will affect the child's further learning and success.
The child has not fully mastered the subject. This problem is especially acute for first graders and high school students. Every effort must be made to ensure that the child understands the material.
Lack of parental attention. It would seem, how can failure to do the lessons be associated with the love of mom and dad? Psychologists find a direct connection in this. Thus, children strive to attract attention to themselves and arouse at least some feelings. As a rule, similar situations occur in families of workaholics. There is only one way out of this story - to praise the baby as often as possible and say that you are proud of him.
The process itself seems uninteresting to the child, especially for first-graders, who are accustomed to taking classes only in the form of a game. The task of parents and teachers is to adapt the kids to learning as quickly as possible.
Before asking the question of how to teach a child to do homework, it is necessary to find out the reason why he refuses to do his homework. If you cannot cope on your own, you should seek help from a specialist. He will recommend arranging a family council, and already at it to discuss possible reason and the child's unwillingness to learn. And the main thing here is to find the correct demeanor for adults: not to shout, but to conduct a constructive dialogue.
What to do if the child does not understand the subject
Parents can deal with all of the above problems of not completing lessons on their own. But what about the situation when the child simply does not understand the subject, or is it difficult for him? Psychologists say that adults solve this problem on their own, simply performing difficult tasks for children. Thus, they further aggravate the situation.
The only correct decision is to hire a teacher or tutor. Do not spare money, just a few individual lessonsto help your child deal with a complex topic.
Do you need help learning the lessons?
Some children do their best to relieve themselves of the responsibility for completing lessons. To do this, they pretend that they are sick, overworked, and ask their parents to help them. Of course, they agree, but do not understand that the child is taking them on the hook. Once you succumb to the trick several times, this scheme will work all the time.
To answer the question of how to teach a child to do homework on his own, it is necessary to analyze the following situations:
how often the baby resorts to your help;
how long has he been ill;
in which class the child goes.
If he often resorts to your help, while he is a little sick, and even a high school student, you just need to explain to him that he is now doing his homework on his own. But it is better not to bring it to such a situation, but from the first grade to teach the baby to do his homework.
We teach the child to be independent
The question of how to get a child to do his homework on his own comes up with parents quite often. If, with the help of adults, the student still somehow tries to solve the problems, then one cannot cope in any way. Against this background, scandals and squabbles occur, which only aggravate the situation.
First of all, you need to try to explain to the child that further admission to the university depends on his studies. The better the success, the more likely it is to get into a prestigious institution. Never do lessons for a student. The most you can help is to clarify this or that rule.
It is not necessary to constantly monitor the process, it is enough to check the draft and the clean copy. This is the only way to develop independence in children. You need to start this from the first days of school, and then in the future you will not have the question: "How to teach a child to do homework on his own?"
Do I need a cash reward?
Recently, among the parents appeared new way encouraging children for good grades in school. The prize is money. Thus, they are confident that the student will try harder and do their homework on their own. Psychologists claim that this is a huge mistake. There should be no monetary relationship between parents and children at this age.
There are many ways to get your child to do their homework without crying or hysterics. You just need to gain strength and patience. After all, school time is a rather difficult time, especially for first graders.
A trip to a circus, cinema, game center can be a reward. It is desirable that parents spend this time with their children. Thus, they will establish contact even more.
Many parents ask psychologists: "How to get a child to do homework on his own?" Using motivation techniques. But cash bonuses are not allowed. Indeed, in the future, children for all their good deeds and achievements will demand rustling bills.
Homework algorithm
School time is a rather difficult time for children and their parents. The child is required to be independent, more responsible, responsible for his actions. Often schoolchildren (especially first-graders) refuse to complete their lessons, or do it with great reluctance. This becomes the cause of the conflict. Often from parents you can hear the phrase: "How to teach a child to do homework on their own?" In order for the process to go "like clockwork" and not cause any particular difficulties, you need to know and follow the following rules:
After the child has come from school, you should not immediately force him to sit down to complete the lessons. The following scheme will be optimal: a walk in the air, lunch, rest up to 30 minutes.
The most the best time for homework from 15.00 to 18.00. This has been proven by experts. During these hours, the brain was most efficient.
Observe the regime. Try to complete tasks at the same time.
Try to choose difficult subjects right away, and then move on to easier ones.
You should not constantly monitor your child. Train him to be independent. To begin with, let him do the work in a draft, bring it for review, and then transfer the data to a draft copy.
After your child is done with their homework, be sure to praise them.
So that you do not have the question of how to force a child to do homework, follow the above rules and recommendations.
Carrot or stick?
Psychologists very often face situations when a child closes in on himself, ceases to perceive his parents, he seems to be removed from the outside world, and finds peace in computer games. Why it happens? All the fault is the wrong behavior of adults, who are approved at the expense of children.
Many are sure that the best way getting the child to do something is to show his advantage. This can be done by yelling or hitting them. This position is incorrect. with children, encouragement, praise is the key to success. The same goes for homework.
You can often hear the phrase that the child refuses to do homework. Perhaps the reason lies in the fact that parents misbehave with students. It is important to adhere to the following rules:
When checking homework, never raise your voice, do not call names and humiliate children. Start by praising your little one for getting homework done. And only then start pointing out mistakes, if they were made.
Grades are a sore point for many parents. After all, you probably want your child to be the best. And how unpleasant it is sometimes to hear the phrase that the child did not cope with the task and received an unsatisfactory mark. Try to calmly talk with the student, explain that the key to success in the future is the acquired knowledge base.
In order to answer the question of how to do homework with a child without screaming, you need to remember the following: each person is a person, with his own character, you should not break him. Humiliation, shouting, hurtful words will only aggravate the situation, and the parents will lose their dignity in the eyes of the child.
Basic rules for parents to remember
Many parents ask: "If the child does not learn the lessons, what to do?" First you need to find out the reason why this is happening. Perhaps it is banal - a lack of understanding of the subject. If so, help the child and hire a tutor.
Instructions
Do not start working with your child immediately after he came with. Give him a break from the learning process, let him devote some time to his favorite activities.
Teach your child how to use his time rationally - warn him, you will start to study with him, and do not tolerate this time, and do not postpone. This will accustom the child to a certain routine and will contribute to the development of his time planning skills.
Start teaching your child lessons with the most difficult subjects and gradually move on to easier ones. In order not to burden yourself or your child, take 10-minute breaks between preparing different items.
Provide emotional support to your child, and do not make excessive demands beyond his or her age. The child needs to be encouraged, because it is self-confidence that is the key to success.
Do not force your child to redo tasks that he did poorly on his own. It is much better if you fix the mistakes together, while subtly explaining why you need to do so.
If, after you have explained the material to the child that he cannot understand, you see that he did not understand it, go to another task, and return to the explanation of this task later.
If for some reason you could not do homework with your child, for example, you needed to go somewhere or you stayed late at work, when you come home, do not ask first of all if the child has done homework. Better ask how he is doing.
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Your child went to school. This is a rather difficult period in his life. New people, new responsibilities, daily lessons and homework. Of course, he needs your help, because his future studies depend on how he learns to allocate his time and energy.
Instructions
Tell the student that he should do homework on his own. You can only help. The teacher has already explained the material to him and at home you just need to repeat what you have gone through. But if suddenly difficulties arise and it turns out that not everything was clear in the lesson, you will definitely come to the rescue.
Doing homework with your child does not mean doing everything for him. Let the student figure out the task for himself and come to the correct solution through reflection. Avoid harsh phrases: “Don't you get it? It's so simple! ”,“ Why are you writing so clumsily ?! ”,“ Sit up straight, do not bend over! ” etc. By your remarks, you only distract the child and instill an unconscious aversion to learning.
If you want to help - push the child to the right ideas, write down the tasks together. Younger schoolchildren have not yet completely moved away from the game as a leading activity. Turn lessons into play. Let the puzzles come to life with the help of dolls, vegetables, fruits, etc.
Do not force your child to do their homework if they are tired. Children's fingers have just begun to get used to writing. Refresh the process with fun finger gymnastics.
If you need to learn a large poem, break it down into small quatrains and instruct your child to read each line in different ways: sad, funny, shouting, whispering, etc. You can add an element of harmless argument to a boring task: "I bet I can tell this poem faster?" and at the most crucial moment to go astray: "Oh, I forgot (a), how is there next?" Your child will try to help you and will learn the verse himself without much effort.
You can also do lessons with your child without nerves using the game "School". Let the child play the role of a teacher and explain to you, the student,
You can list the main reasons why a student does not want to do homework.
Fear
Panic can be one of the main reasons for this resistance. Because of this, the baby cannot concentrate. What caused this fear? Perhaps the child once learned a lesson on his own, but remained unappreciated or rated his work unsatisfactory. If the teacher criticized the student's work or the child was humiliated in some way, then his self-esteem may decrease. In this case, parents need to control the process of completing assignments. And also to help in solving complex issues.
Lack of interest
It so happens that the child does not have a disposition to one or another object. Children are not always given everything easily and simply, it is likely that the student simply does not understand the material and, because of this, cannot complete the work. In this case, the child needs to hire a specialized tutor who will help fill the gaps in the student's knowledge.
To attract attention
In the modern world, parents usually have a lot of work and do not pay due attention to the child. Then the baby tries to attract him with all his might. Failure can also be a means of attracting attention. After all, if the student does not understand something, he needs help and then mom or dad will be there. In this case, parents should reconsider their attitude towards the child and try to give him due time.
What to do for parents
You can't pamper a child. It can also affect their academic performance. It is necessary that there is discipline in the house, and the child is not left to himself. You cannot indulge all the whims of a student. Praise him is necessary only when he really deserves it.
Conversations with the child. In order to eradicate problems with lessons, you need to talk to a child, explain to him that school is a kind of work. And the work must be done. You can tell him what will happen if the parents do not do their job well.
Also, have mom or dad talk about how proud and frustrated they are at the child’s success. It is necessary to explain to the student that he must study, first of all, for himself, because in the future it will undoubtedly be useful to him. The kid needs to be shown how the parent trusts him, and then the child will try to meet expectations
You can buy textbooks in which colorful pictures, this will interest the child and he will show interest in the subject. You can also offer to watch video lessons, the material in which is presented more clearly. Such videos are much more interesting to watch than to study the material on your own.
The student can be motivated to complete assignments. For example, you might offer an extra half hour to watch your favorite cartoons or an extra walk in the yard. Also, for successful results, you can take your baby to the zoo, cinema or buy him a toy.
The main thing in such a matter is to find an approach to the student. It is important to remember that all children are different and one subject is easy for someone, and more difficult for another. Parents should not scold the kid for this, he must be understood and supported. In addition, the school is not aimed at the personal development of the child, so you should not put it above all else.
Anyone who has schoolchildren is familiar with the problem of completing lessons. As a rule, children perceive homework as a punishment, try to avoid this obligation in every possible way, and greatly upset their attitude to the lessons of moms and dads.
How to organize the educational process at home
How should the educational process be organized at home so that for the child doing homework is not a stressful situation, but pleasant and joyful?
Under no circumstances force your child to give an account of the past school day as soon as he crosses the threshold of the house. After all, his brain is oversaturated with information, let the child come to his senses, take a break from school, feed him and let him play and take a walk.
Schedule class time with your child. Doctors consider the period from three in the afternoon to five or six in the evening to be the most optimal for homework. The time should be constant so that the child can plan his games and be free from them by the appointed hour.
In terms of their duration, classes can be individual, since children learn the material in different rhythms, but there is no need to urge the child and rush to deal with all the tasks at once. Up to 12 years old, a child can practice without a pause for only half an hour, therefore, if he did not have time to do something, it is better to postpone it until the morning. In between homework, you should give the child a rest, drink him juice or offer chocolate.
Should I interfere with the lessons and help the child?
At least in the first year of study, this should be done, since the kid still does not know how to efficiently plan his time, an adult should be there and help him cope with the lessons. After all, a first grader may be confused at the sight of a task or exercise, not be able to understand the task, and as a result, be disappointed in his strengths and abilities.
If the child is forced to do the lessons alone, then you can agree with him that he independently does what he understands and easily, for example, reads, teaches a verse, solves examples. You will do the rest of the difficult tasks together when you return home.
Don't tune your child into your constant presence. Let him know that you too have your tasks, work that you also need to do. Just show him that you are there, and he can count on your help in any difficult case.
Not worth exercising total control above each letter and number of the child, otherwise you will be forced to teach lessons with him until you receive a certificate. Your help should not be in completing the lessons for him, you need to teach the kid to think and reason, put the right questions and be able to answer them. Then he will be able to study without your participation.
Do you need to meet with a teacher and how often do you need to do it?
There is no need to blame the teacher for too difficult tasks, or, conversely, ask to give your child additional ones. All this harms the development of the child. He either will not do anything to overcome incomprehensible and difficult tasks, or he will completely refuse to do something at home.
It will be useful to teach the student to communicate correctly with his teacher and ask him for help in case of an incomprehensible exercise.
Do you need additional tasks
Do all the basic lessons first, and then you can apply game form and give the child a little more work. For example, after a dictation, ask him to look for words in a dictionary, or after a math lesson, try to calculate the ingredients for a pie. But remember that all these additional tasks should be done by the child with interest and voluntarily.
If a crisis strikes, what to do?
It happens that the kid gets stuck on something, is not able to repeat the rule, or does not remember the multiplication table, and you, tired of unsuccessfully demanding knowledge from him, raise your voice, get irritated and no longer hold back your emotions. This is a crisis and in this case it is necessary to interrupt classes and switch to something else.
It is dangerous to yell at a child, to be irritated and resentful about his inability to understand the lesson. Regular screaming over a school notebook can result in a complete refusal to learn. If you cannot keep yourself within limits, then it is better to entrust homework to a tutor or other family member. After all, you may not be able to clearly explain the material, and the child simply does not understand you.
Is a tutor inevitable?
It is necessary if you clearly see that the child has a problem with a certain object. First, you should talk with the baby, explain to him the need for classes with a private teacher, the main thing is that he does not perceive these classes as punishment. He must understand that the help of another teacher will make his studies easier, he will begin to get good grades in a subject that he does not understand.
When should you leave your child alone with homework?
You must quietly bring him to this point. Each student is different, and in different time become independent. If you pay attention to his rhythm of doing homework, you will understand when he is ready to be independent of your help.
First, loosen up your control of his lessons. Check his notebooks every other day, two or three days later. Set aside a day when you together will summarize the past week and discuss all the achievements and learning failures that have occurred during this period. Be sure to ask your child about his preferences in subjects, what is easier for him and what is harder. That is, do not completely remove the control, just look from a distance and be ready to help.
Until the age of 13-14, the stage of formation of the student's independence is underway, and it will already be clear whether you managed to teach him to take responsibility for homework, or the child is still resisting. It is pointless to get upset in the latter case, the child just needs to instill an interest in learning.
We yell at children because we feel powerless when we cannot force the child to do as we want, for example, to behave correctly or study well.
Vicious circle
Often, we, parents, from fatigue and lack of time, do not hear what the child tells us in words and actions, we break down and get angry with the child when he does not obey, does not understand words, does not want to do something according to the rules.
Then we feel guilty. We make amends with some kind of "carrot", we reassure ourselves that we will no longer yell at the child. But we break down again and again. The child quickly gets used to the fact that the screams of the parents are also attention, and better than nothing at all. The circle is closed.
How to break it?
Children by their behavior always tell us about some of their unmet need. They want to receive our love and recognition, to feel strong.
If they fail to get attention from their parents through useful actions: helping adults, with good studies, good behavior, then they begin to achieve their goals through bad behavior that unbalances the parents.
Children begin to annoy us, anger, offend or cause self-pity. We begin to apply strict measures against them, and this further aggravates the situation. Since we act not on the cause, but on the consequences, the relationship with the child deteriorates even more, and we feel even more powerless, and even more screaming.
We already say: "Yes, it is impossible to cope with him", "He does not obey anyone", "He looks like his father (mother-in-law, etc.) ...". Thus, we ourselves cut off the possibility of influencing the child.
If parents make it clear to their child in time that they love him just like that, not for grades and exemplary behavior, they value him, he is important to them simply because he is. They help and support, teach the child to independently solve their problems, be useful to other people, help adapt to the changing conditions of society, thereby helping him feel strong, able to independently achieve goals, which increases his self-esteem.
A confident child will become a confident adult
A confident child will become a confident adult. A happy and joyful child is more willing to obey his parents and it is easier for him to follow the rules and maintain discipline.
For example, my son in the fifth grade did not study well and behaved badly in class. I was very angry with him when they called me to school, and there, in front of other parents, they scolded him like a schoolgirl. I myself studied well and behaved approximately, and the teachers did not scold me, but here I felt powerless, because I could not do anything so that they would not scold me.
I shouted at him, scolded him, taught him to study, even hired tutors. In additional classes, the son showed success. But as soon as he came to school, everything remained the same.
Once I stopped and asked myself, what does my child really want? After all, he also wants to learn and not to be scolded, and gives me his word every time that he will correct himself. But for some reason he doesn't succeed.
Then I asked my son how he thinks, why he cannot keep his word, and what would help him. Everything turned out to be very simple: I demanded too much of my son so that he studied like me, excellent, and this was beyond his power.
A confidential conversation helped him admit that he fears me more than the headmaster. What kind of monster did I turn into, all the time, shouting at him? I screamed so much that I myself understood that I did not want to scream, but I could not stop.
I said I don't want to yell at him anymore, I love him, he is my son, I want good relationship... I don't care how he learns, I love him just like that and still don't want him to be afraid of me, I told him: "Study as best you can, in your own strength."
Simple words, but they were given only after I admitted my powerlessness, that I could not force him to study perfectly well, I unconsciously, as it were, announced that I would love him if he studies well.
The result exceeded all expectations.
In a month on parent meeting I was admired and asked how I managed to change the child so radically, he began to behave well and learn. Although I DIDN'T DO anything, I just stopped putting pressure on the child and gave him responsibility for his studies. (But before I did a lot: I checked the lessons, studied additionally, came up with how better son learn a lesson, etc.).
Since then, I stopped yelling at the children, as if by a hand I took off.
I suggest you start with some simple tricks:
- Just start listening and hearing your child, ask him questions to understand him.
- Admit your powerlessness, that you cannot force him, but you can help him. Ask your child what you can do for him.
- Love him just like that, no way.
- Say: "I love you, I just don't like the way you did it."
- "I still love you".
- Give informal attention 15 minutes a day to each child, separately if you have more than one child. At this time, you totally devote your attention to him and do what the child himself wants. This can be playing with him in his favorite game, reading a book, watching a cartoon together or having a heart-to-heart talk. At this time, you do not get distracted, turn off all phones. All attention to him. Then the child will feel loved.
Often, informal attention alone is enough to change the child's behavior for the better.
If that doesn't help you stop screaming, don't despair. Believe that if others succeed, then you will succeed. You just need more time and perhaps help to figure out what your child's and your own needs are.
