Why is my child cranky in the morning? Why does a small child act up for no apparent reason? Should I indulge his whims?

At 2.5 years old, children begin their “transitional age.” Children deny obvious things and try to argue with adults. Children’s favorite phrases at this time: “no,” “I don’t want,” “I won’t.” “How to discern more serious problems behind the baby’s frequent tears, how to wean a child from being capricious, why does the baby whine, freak out and get hysterical over little things?” – these questions occupy young mothers more and more often.

Stubborn age

A capricious child shows his first protests at 2-3 years old; this is an important emotional development. Psychologists call this time the “three-year crisis.” Children 3-4 years old try to separate their own “I” from their mother. The speech of a three-year-old is not yet developed, so kids use other ways to show emotions and stubbornness: screaming, crying, falling on the floor and damaging property. Hysterics become more frequent. This is the best time to rebuild the system of relationships in the family and adjust parenting methods.

Only by the age of 4 do children realize their independence, have favorite activities and food preferences. Kids are already quite independent individuals. Most of them attend kindergarten and use speech to formulate their desires. Children of this age are much less likely to be capricious. Outbursts of stubbornness are more likely to be a copying of the family behavior model. That is why you should not swear in front of children, and even more so do not include children in adult conflicts. A capricious four-year-old child should already alert his parents; frequent hysterics are a reason to visit a neurologist and child psychologist.

At 4-5 years old, a child’s whims indicate misunderstandings in the family and an inability to make compromises (we recommend reading:). Some five-year-old children attract the attention of their parents by crying because they do not know other ways to communicate to adults about their own experiences.

Why does “I don’t want” appear?

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The grandmother’s tantrums of a small child are best explained: “Why is your child being capricious again? You’ve been spoiled, so now he’s playing with you as he wants!” Some parents really follow their child’s lead in order to keep up with the modern rhythm of life: “Let’s go quickly, and then we’ll buy you what you want” or “Wear whatever you want, just don’t cry!” In such situations, the child quickly understands that with hysteria and stubbornness he can get his parents to fulfill his desires. To solve the problem of whims, it is important to understand their true cause. Sometimes parents mistake the child’s reaction to excessive parental demands as whims. Often the child really does not know how to fulfill this or that parent’s requirement.

Most often, a child’s spoiling is the fault of the parents themselves, who follow his lead.

Standard reasons

Why do we so often encounter whims? There are several visible causes of tantrums in children:

1. Testing parents' strength. The baby's first tantrums frighten mom and dad. By repeating them over and over again, the baby, according to all the laws of psychology, checks the reaction of the parents and determines the boundaries of what is permitted: how will mom react if she turns over a plate of soup, what will happen if she bites dad in anger? Hysterics are a way to test the authority of elders and how serious parental prohibitions are.
2. Fear of innovation. Sensitive and emotional children require a special approach. Such children are afraid of everything new. A new dish, or “moving” to your crib may be accompanied by tears and categorical denial. A capricious two-year-old child does not agree to go to a new playground - promise that you will be next to him and play in the sandbox together. Feeling safe, the baby will definitely compromise.
3. Usual refusal. Occurs at older ages. Over the first few years of life, parents are accustomed to deciding absolutely everything for the baby: what to wear, what to eat, when to go to bed. At the age of four, a child can already determine whether he likes this or that outfit or dish, and what he doesn’t like at all. If the opinions of the baby and the mother do not coincide, a protest may arise. Perhaps it's time to listen to your child on some issues?

Consequences of education

1. The result of overprotection. Some parents strive to protect their child from various life problems: mothers and grandmothers spoon-feed their child for a long time, and only use a stroller for walks. Attempts to encourage such a child to be independent are met with protest. In this case, the whims of a small child are associated with the fact that he does not understand why the mother does not fulfill her “direct responsibilities” - she stopped feeding the little one and dressing him.
2. An attempt to attract attention. By the age of two, children already understand perfectly well what needs to be done to attract parental attention. If adults every time feel sorry for the baby after hysterics, then soon stamping feet and screaming will become frequent guests in this house. A capricious two-year-old child understands perfectly well that with his behavior he instantly attracts the attention of adults.

For some children, hysterics are the best way to attract attention to themselves.

How to deal with whims?

Overcoming the whims of a small child can be difficult. This is especially obvious when the mother is in a hurry, and the baby is still busy with something and is not going to go anywhere. The child, seeing irritation, will be even more stubborn. In most cases, the conflict ends in favor of the adults, and the child, through tears and nerves, still gets ready and follows his mother. If such situations are repeated, it is time to change the rules of communication in the family and teach the child to express his emotions in a more effective and adult way - with words. The most important thing in overcoming whims is parental self-control. Don't raise your voice, this will only intensify the rebellion. Try not to be nervous so as not to show your son or daughter your helplessness. If you want to calm down faster, think about how courageous and determined your baby has become. He defends his opinion and is already arguing with an adult.

A capricious child at one, one and a half, two, and even three years old is normal, but if a five-year-old child throws tantrums, this is already a reason to visit a neurologist and child psychologist. The doctor will check the baby’s development and give recommendations on raising and interacting with him.

There are several rules that will help you cope with such a difficult transitional age. Tips to help “unwilling” mothers deal with outbursts of stubbornness:

• Check your requirements for the baby; perhaps some requests are really too high. Maybe the baby is already able to decide which sweater to wear outside, or he really doesn’t like tomato juice.
• It is necessary to develop a clear system of prohibitions. For the first time, 4-5 strict “no’s” are enough. For example, you cannot approach street dogs or a lit stove, as well as other age-appropriate prohibitions. The rules are not violated under any pretext. These “don’ts” must be confirmed by all family members, including grandparents.

• It is difficult for a child to follow parental instructions every day: to prevent the child from rebelling, offer him options: “Which toy should we take for a walk, an elephant or a car?” Ask your child for advice and he will be happy to compromise.
• Develop independence in children. You should not do for your child what he can do himself. Instead of dressing your child, instruct him to put on his own pants. It is better to go for a walk 15 minutes later, but let the baby dress himself.
• Don't react to your child's whims. The best way to overcome a tantrum is to ignore it. At home, you can leave your child in the room and do other things. Without increased attention, the baby will calm down much faster. If a tantrum catches you among people, you need to try to find a secluded place away from the annoying environment as quickly as possible, then switch the baby’s attention to something more interesting.
• Analyze the situation. Every outburst of stubbornness is an unfulfilled need of the baby. At such a young age, children cannot want something bad. Maybe a capricious baby simply lacks attention or communication - adults should think about this.
• Praise your child for behavior that you like. Praise sincerely, describing all the good things the baby has done.

Evening whims

If a child is capricious and cries in the evening, or hysterics begin before going to bed, this indicates that the baby is emotionally overexcited. Emotions accumulated during the day do not allow you to quickly relax and fall asleep. This especially applies to. Often evening tears occur in children who refuse daytime sleep. To avoid evening whims, you can adhere to the following recommendations:

• Be sure to go for walks together during the day. Evening walks (1-1.5 hours before bedtime) have a beneficial effect on sleep.
• Ventilate your child's room before going to bed. The optimal air temperature in a children's room, according to Dr. Komarovsky, is 18-22 degrees.
• Three hours before bedtime, do not allow your child to play active games: hide and seek, chase. You shouldn't watch cartoons at night.

It is better to devote the time before bed to quiet activities - putting together a puzzle, reading a book

• For evening entertainment, it is good to use board games or read books together. Quiet games will help prevent a small child from being fussy in the evening.
• If the baby does not have allergies, then before bedtime you can take baths with the addition of herbal decoctions. It is good to use decoctions of mint, string or chamomile for evening baths.
• With the permission of the pediatrician, herbal teas can be given instead of regular drinks. Brew fennel, lemongrass or mint into evening tea. Ready-made preparations can be purchased at the pharmacy. You can drink soothing tea no earlier than 2-3 hours before bedtime.

How to outwit a capricious person?

Most parents try to stop their kids from being naughty. There are several ways to outwit and calm a little whim:

1. Talk to me, buddy! When all the arguments have been exhausted, and the child is still capricious, try using a figurehead. A baby’s favorite toy is the best helper. Take a bunny or bear in your hand and speak on its behalf: “Hello, baby! You are so sad! I’m sad too, let’s go for a walk?” After a couple of sentences, the baby will begin to listen. This is the easiest way to stop the whims of a two-year-old child.
2. Change the subject. If you feel that a protest is brewing and the child desperately does not want to do something, there is no need to fight, it is better to just change the subject. Ask your child who he played with on the playground, about new friends, interesting Easter cakes, remember the dog. A couple of minutes of enthusiastic conversation is enough to switch attention, and then again remember about water procedures.

A toy may act as a mother’s assistant, which will dispel the baby’s capricious mood

Alternative Methods

When standard ways to calm your baby don't help, you can try something new. There are alternative methods to prevent tantrums:

1. It's the other way around. The best way to treat your baby to something healthy is to tell him that he can’t eat it. For example, how to treat a child to fish? Under any pretext, lure your child into the kitchen and pretend that you don’t notice him, but at the same time you are eating something. When you see the baby, hide the plate. Such activities will certainly interest the child and show interest in food. If you want to take your child to the park, say that it’s impossible to go to the park today. This way you can prevent your child’s whims.
2. The holiday of disobedience. It's hard to live under restrictions all the time. From time to time, arrange holidays for your child. One weekend, tell your child that today he can do whatever he wants. On this day, agree with your child on the menu, time and place of the walk, and, if possible, give a small gift. In the evening, have a heart-to-heart talk with your child, ask if he liked today. Promise to organize such holidays once a week, but on the condition that on the remaining days the baby will obey (we recommend reading:). The whims of a small child will become more rare.
3. Pillow fights. A capricious child cannot express negative emotions. If there is no way out of the situation, challenge the child to “fight.” To do this, you will need 2 small pillows or soft toys. With the help of a five-minute “fight”, the baby will throw out aggression, all grievances will be forgotten.

Following these rules and focusing on the baby’s mood, the mother will always be able to come to an agreement with the little capricious one. Dealing with outbursts of stubbornness at the very beginning is much easier than calming a child after a tantrum.

The appearance of a baby in a family is always a great happiness. When, after nine months of waiting, a baby finally appears in the family, he immediately becomes the center of everyone’s attention. Parents watch with trepidation how he grows hour by hour, how he learns new things every day and rejoices that they have such a miracle.

But gradually, as they grow older, parents begin to notice that the child begins to be capricious, his behavior changes, and this begins to worry the parents. After all, they are used to seeing a calm and obedient child.

However, children's whims are common by the end of 1 year of a baby's life. And today we will look at the whims of children, we will understand the reasons for this behavior and try to understand how to deal with it.

The whims of babies up to one year old

In order to delve into the essence of the matter, it is necessary to understand the psychological characteristics of babies before the first year of life. And here it is necessary to start from the very beginning so that the whole picture is clear.

1. The neonatal crisis is one of the most important stages in a child’s life; this is a crisis that manifests itself from birth to 2 months. This crisis is normal, and its main symptom is the baby's weight loss.
2. Infancy is the second important stage in a baby’s life, which lasts from 2 months to 1 year. This is the period when the baby communicates through his emotions. And during this stage, parents should spend a lot of time communicating with the baby. Despite the fact that this stage itself is divided into different stages, the baby’s main need here remains connection and communication with his parents. When a child cries a lot and makes sounds all the time, this is a sure sign that he wants to communicate. This crisis passes with the appearance of speech in the child.

These are the 2 main crises that occur in a child under 1 year of age. Now let's see if we need to worry and give seriousness to children's whims that appeared before 1 year.

Let's expand on the concept or what is whim?

Today, when we say whim, we mean all kinds of whims and stubbornness of a child, which is accompanied by screams, crying and the like.

Until the first year of a baby’s life, the appearance of whims is directly related to his discomfort or his basic needs not being received.

That is, when parents “complain” about their child, who is not even a year old, then we are simply talking about a misinterpretation of the baby’s discomfort. After all, the baby simply has no other way to communicate or convey to his family that he needs something. Think for yourself, because the baby has no vocabulary, gestures are almost undeveloped, and only by crying can he be able to attract attention to himself and communicate with others.

So, a child’s crying can have several reasons:

• The baby is just hungry, it’s time to feed him;
• Something hurts or bothers him. Most often it is colic or gas;
• It's time to change diapers;
• The child is cold.

No matter how difficult it may be at first glance to recognize a baby’s crying, after a few days the mother immediately begins to understand the reason for her child’s crying.

If you make sure that the baby is fed, the diapers are clean and he has no gas, and yet he continues to cry, then he probably has some kind of illness. Therefore, it is necessary to consult a pediatrician.

And starting from 3 months, the baby’s gums begin to swell and teeth are cut. And all this is accompanied by crying, anxiety day and night. So, if you see that the baby is trying to pull everything that comes into his hands into his mouth and he has profuse salivation, then you can be sure that his teeth are bothering him. And even the fact that the teeth themselves will appear in 2 months, in most cases the “whims” are still connected with this.

No matter how strange it may sound, for children, especially for babies under 1 year old, strict adherence to the daily routine is the most important. The regimen itself concerns both feeding and sleeping, walks, various games and activities.

If a child has a routine, but for some reason this schedule is disrupted, this can cause an acute reaction in the baby. This is precisely what explains the fact when, after some festive event in which the child was very happy and having fun, suddenly at the end he begins to become whimsical, cry, restless and irritated. The fact is that it is very difficult for children to tolerate nervous strain at the age of 10-18 months. And with the help of tears they are simply trying to relieve tension. After all, the whole festive atmosphere: noise, new, unfamiliar faces, bright lights, loud sounds and the like are a source of stress for the baby. What to do in such a situation? Never scold your child for anything. In this state, he needs your attention, care and love.

Rock him in your arms, hug him and hold him close to you, you can carry out procedures that he likes, bathe the baby (after all, warm water itself can calm the nervous system), give him a massage, etc. This way your child can calm down easily.

The most important thing is to understand that you should never scold a child, fall into hysteria and start yelling at him. After all, when your baby cries, he simply needs your love and understanding.

Children's tantrums

Such unpleasant phenomena as hysterics in a child can be observed in cases where parents choose an authoritarian parenting style and often impose prohibitions on the child. However, parents must understand that the baby has a natural interest. After all, for a year he was “locked up” in his playpen or stroller. Every day he saw the same thing, and now he can crawl and explore more and more things. Every day he expands his horizons, everything is new and interesting for him. And although many things around him can be life-threatening, the baby himself does not know or understand this. And since he doesn’t know what danger is, he not only looks, but also wants to touch this or that object, feel what it tastes like, and the like. And then, with horror and screams, the parents attack the child and roughly take the object from his hands. This reaction of the parents is not only incomprehensible to the baby, but also causes a response in the form of whims and hysteria. After all, he has no other tool other than screaming and crying to express his discontent and indignation.

Such a reaction, or as parents often mistakenly call it “hysteria,” is nothing more than a call to allow him to satisfy his natural need: to know the world around him. When the baby has already seen that there is so much new stuff around him, it is unthinkable to calm him down with the help of old toys or by returning to the playpen.

Of course, the safety of the child is the most important thing and therefore, as the baby grows up, you need to think about how to safely satisfy your baby’s natural need to understand the world. To do this, remove from places accessible to the baby all those objects that can harm him. Let there be only those objects around him that the baby can touch, taste, without causing harm to himself. A small renovation in the apartment will give your baby sincere joy and a lot of pleasure and you will forget about the baby’s whims or hysteria.

The most common problem and whim in children is the whim of evening sleep. It’s already time for the child to sleep, but he wants to eat, drink, play or watch cartoons. Yelling won't help matters here. An excellent solution would be to develop special “rituals” that will signal to the child that bedtime is approaching: for example, watching the program “Good night, kids” and the like. And another great way is to remove all active toys an hour before bedtime and stop the child’s active games.

This is not an easy matter or learn to speak

Another very common cause of childhood irritability is difficulty learning speech. The baby grows and develops, he learns new things every day, he can already do a lot of things, but, unfortunately, his speech does not develop as easily and simply. He begins to hum, makes sounds, stretches out his arms to convey his emotions, but those around him cannot understand him. And then the child again turns to the already working method: whims. In this case, a child’s whim may manifest itself as a refusal to do usual things (reluctance to bathe, indignation and protest against the potty, etc.). In other words, it is as if the child has been changed and now everything that he loved to do causes irritation, whims and hysteria in the child.

As is already clear, this is not a whim, but a cry for help, a kind of hint to parents. After all, the child gives a signal that he wants to speak, but cannot. And in this case, it is impossible to show aggression or violence under any circumstances. Take a closer look at your child and then you will find the reason for his whim. After all, it is likely that during the last bath the water was hot, and this discomfort left a mark on the baby. There can be a lot of options, so it is important to be patient and study the reasons for your baby’s behavior. Some time will pass and the baby’s habits will return to their previous course.

Children's whims and adult behavior

No one is pleased when a child begins to be capricious, throw a tantrum and behave horribly. This behavior in a child causes parents to lose self-control and they want to quickly force the child to stop his whims. However, one must understand that a child’s whim is a cry for help. And by doing this, the child expects his parents to rush to his aid.

Dear parents, remember that your child’s whims are not just a disgrace. This is the only available means by which a child calls his parents for help, and since he is not understood, he fills his “arsenal” and crying, roaring, screaming, biting, pulling hair, and the like are already used. But there is one point: if such behavior produces results and the child achieves what he wants with his whim, then such behavior is reinforced in him as the only correct way to get what he wants. And the child will consider this behavior to be the norm and will solve all his problems with whims.

Of course, everyone understands that this cannot be allowed. Therefore, you need to respond to the child’s whims and show him that in this way he will not achieve anything. And if you respond correctly to the child’s whims, he will begin to change his behavior.

Let's look below at the basic patterns of adult behavior that cause whims in children.

1. There are situations when you simply shouldn’t pay attention to your baby’s whims. In some cases, this may be the best solution to the problem. After all, it is often easier for a child to calm down when there is no one nearby. Since often the presence of people nearby who try to calm him down or feel sorry for him only gives a backlash and a new wave of whims begins.
2. Many parents mistakenly believe that the more attention and love they surround their child with, the less capricious he will be. But in reality, everything is exactly the opposite: those children who are overly cared for and loved become capricious. Of course, a child needs parental love, affection and care. But, as psychologists say, it is necessary to observe moderation in everything. You can't go to extremes. It is necessary to convey to the child that parents have other responsibilities and they cannot sit hugging the child all day.
3. The next extreme that “spoils” a child is unlimitedness and permissiveness. As psychologists say, from early childhood every child should know what words like “impossible” and “no” mean. These words will become an incentive to discipline the baby later. When your child knows these words, he is much less capricious and throws tantrums. After all, he knows that if mom said no, then no matter how much you cry, no remains no. The main thing here is to be persistent and not give in to the child, otherwise these words will be a simple sound for the baby.
4. Excessive attention from adults - the child needs to play alone or communicate with peers using gestures and smiles. If a mother or another adult is next to him all the time, then this can also lead to children’s whims, because the obsessiveness of adults pushes the baby. It will be better if you communicate with other mothers during the walk and allow the child to enjoy the walk himself or “find a friend” from the next stroller. Naturally, it is important to observe moderation here, since the child cannot be left completely alone. Without the attention of an adult, a child may develop unwanted psychological problems or this may negatively affect his emotional state. And in this case, he will have whims with which he will try to attract attention.
5. Parental inconsistency is one of the most harmful phenomena for children. If mom says one thing, and dad says something else, and at the same time grandparents say something else, then the child has problems adapting to the world around him. Or he begins to try to adapt to everyone. In order to avoid such undesirable consequences, it is necessary to agree on key points in raising a child. And if something was possible yesterday, but today it is not, then you need to explain the reason for the change to the child. After all, he can understand everything on an emotional level, despite the fact that he is very small.

In order to properly raise a child and not provoke his whims, you need to be persistent and follow the above tips.

One last thing

To properly raise a child, parents must first of all be attentive and consistent themselves. No matter how hard it is, you cannot give in to your baby’s whims. If they say you can’t do something, then you can’t do it!

But at the same time, you can’t overdo it. If you are strict with your child all the time, he will close himself off from you forever.

In order for your child to be calmer, you need to spend more time walking. In addition, drawing up and following a regimen is important for them. In addition, do not forget that if there is a turbulent atmosphere in the family, this cannot but affect the child.

If your child does something new, or something good, then you need to praise him for it. Show your baby that he is important to you. Let him see that you are attentive to him and his successes. And soon you will see how your baby’s behavior changes and how calm, kind and, most importantly, without whims he becomes.

why is the child naughty

It turns out that between the ages of one and three to five years child undergoes a restructuring, during which he gains new experience, begins to understand more, and experiences emotional conflicts more acutely. It was at this time Baby And starts to act up, having learned that in the world, in addition to the word “yes”, there is also the word “no”.
Some pediatricians call this age the “first age of stubbornness” (the second refers to 12-14 years). This is how suddenly your seemingly flexible little son or daughter becomes capricious and obstinate, stubbornly refuse to fulfill any requirements, while they can behave very ugly: stomping their feet, crying, screaming, throwing everything that comes to hand, throwing themselves on the floor, trying in this way to achieve what they want.
The causes of such hysterical attacks are usually very simple, but an adult is not always able to immediately recognize them.
So, why is the child naughty? There are several possible answers to this question.

Option one. why is the child naughtyThe child is naughty, cries if something bothers him, he is sick, but he doesn’t understand it. After all, they are small children cannot feel what is happening in their body the way they feel and understand it adults.
Option two. why is the child naughtyBaby wants to attract attention. He chose this way to communicate with you either for purely selfish reasons, since he is better off with his parents than alone, or he really does not have enough attention. If the latter is true, it is worth thinking seriously about it.
Option three. why is the child naughty Capricious, child wants to achieve something very desirable, namely: a gift, permission to go out or something else that parents prohibited due to some unknown baby motives.
Option four. why is the child naughtyChild expresses protest against excessive care and demonstrates a desire to be independent. This is quite natural if you adhere to an authoritarian parenting style, because he wants to be independent, and you constantly direct him: “You will put on this shirt!”, “You can’t do this!”, “Stop looking around!” etc.
Option five. why is the child naughty There is no reason that could cause hysteria. It’s simply an expression of the child’s internal conflict with himself. Or maybe he just didn't get enough sleep today? Or he was very tired during the day and that’s why got capricious? Your family quarrels and scandals can also affect his mood. Think, analyze everything. As Janusz Korczak said: child undisciplined and angry because he suffers.” The reasons for his suffering lie the answer to the question why he is capricious.
Now let’s look at each option in more detail and try to understand the reasons for this or that behavior. baby and how to help him cope with himself.

2. Baby got sick- the child is naughty
The whims of a child may be evidence that he is sick, but cannot say about it, because he himself does not understand what is happening to him.
One of the signs of the disease is a change in behavior. This usually reduces appetite, Baby gets excited easily, cries for no reason, sometimes lies down on the sofa, sometimes sits with an indifferent look.
Ways to find out if you are sick Baby, so many. This includes an examination, a conversation with the child, and observation of him. In any case, if you come to the conclusion that he is sick, he should be shown to the pediatrician as soon as possible. I do not advise self-medication, it is very dangerous, especially if Baby cannot yet understand and correctly explain what hurts him.
Be prepared for the fact that sick children are very capricious. Everyone knows that being sick is bad. Sick the child is naughty he cannot run, he cannot play, he lies in bed and suffers. And it often turns out that for sick children, relatives try to do everything possible to make them feel good. They immediately find themselves in the center of attention, they get and buy any toys, sweets, fruits, and indulge their whims. Is this necessary? After all, the baby, having realized that when he is sick, everything in this house is done for him, may in the future resort to simulating illness.
I do not advocate depriving a child of parental care and attention. But you should consider whether your efforts are excessive. The main thing is not to overdo it.

3. Call for communication - a child without communication - the child is naughty
To kid From the very beginning of life, parental love is necessary. However, if he is surrounded by excessive care and attention, he unconsciously begins to abuse them. So, already at the end of the first year of life, his screaming and crying can mean not only that he wants to eat or drink. Crying becomes for him a way to call his parents to him, and not a whim, to attract their attention. Of course, he needs communication. But at the same time, you cannot run to him at every cry and fulfill all his desires. Otherwise, then he will have only one goal - to attract the attention of adults.

An increased demand for attention to oneself can manifest itself in different ways. For example, the child is naughty and demands to come to him, or to turn on the light, or to fasten a button. Usually parents try to influence him with the following words: “Finally, stop whining!”, “If you continue, I will lock you in the room,” etc. As a rule, cursing and threats have no effect. After some time, the child begins to do the same, and often even more is capricious.
If you want to avoid vagaries, nervous disorders, try to spend more time together with your baby. The child feels more confident in the presence of his parents, this creates a sense of security in him. You've probably seen this picture: when visiting strangers, the baby clings to his mother all the time, hiding behind her. But gradually he begins to look around and from time to time makes “walks” from her to the guests he likes, constantly returning to his mother.
Many parents complain at receptions and in letters that they do not have enough time to communicate with their children. But the main thing is not how much time you spend, but how you spend it. You need to use all the opportunities that you have: evenings, weekends, etc. At the same time, you don’t have to give up household chores, but communicate with your child in the process of doing them. Just pay attention to the baby, talk to him, and he will be very happy about it.
It is very important to be sincere and natural when communicating with a child. The child will immediately feel the falseness. Therefore, to communicate with him, you need to tune in, relieve irritation, and forget about your worries. And then the time spent with the baby will bring joy to both of you.
Organize more family holidays. On such days, it is very good, in addition to the traditional feast, to come up with some surprises and entertainment for the whole family. You can go to the theater or take a country walk. There are plenty of ways to spend family time. There would be a desire!
Reaction to parental ban
Sometimes the cause of tears baby(whim) there may be an unexpected refusal of what he really likes. The reasons for your refusal may vary. But how to explain this to a small child? Or you noticed that your concessions and constant connivance led to the child becoming simply uncontrollable and no longer understanding you.
Baby it's hard to understand what " Can", And what " it is forbidden", and you must help him with this. Do not forget about the mental and physiological characteristics of the baby at different periods of its development.
At one year of age, a child reacts very strongly to bright and catchy objects. It is quite natural that with screams and tears he will demand to give him the object that interests him. Eg, Baby I saw a crystal glass that shimmers so beautifully, but you are afraid that with one careless movement the child will break it into pieces and even cut his hands in the process. In this case, you should switch your baby's attention to a safer toy.
Very often, parents love their child so much that they buy too many toys. But some time passes and they all get boring. And then the child is naughty and strives for something new and often forbidden. To prevent this from happening, do not give him all the toys at once, but simply change them from time to time.
Do not forget that at the age of one year a child has a need to put every thing in his mouth and this is not a whim. This is due to the fact that he is teething. Make sure that among the toys there are no ones that are made of weak and fragile materials. If you are buying a bright rubber toy, be sure to ask the seller what material it is made of. Recently, cases of poisoning of small children with paint, which is used to cover toys to attract the attention of buyers, have become more frequent.

As the child approaches three years of age, he strives to become better acquainted with the world around him. If at an early age visual and taste impressions played a big role, now he strives to become a full member of the family. He wants to participate in all household chores and realize his importance.
At this age, parents often fall from one extreme to another. I know one family who clearly divided the world into “adults” and “children.” The parents gave their child a separate room and limited his access to other places, such as the kitchen. This was not due to educational goals, it was just that the parents loved the baby so much that they were terrified for him.
But the curious child did not accept the current situation and strove to forbidden places whenever Mother or dad were distracted from his person. He was afraid of being noticed, so he tried to do everything quickly. Every time something fell, broke and broke. His parents tried to distract his attention from dangerous objects with the help of sweets. Every time the child began to be interested in an object, access to which, according to the parents, was strictly prohibited for children, they gave him candy or something tasty.
My little son learned this very soon and created similar situations constantly and deliberately. Only each time his demands increased and he cried harder and screamed louder. His parents, concerned about his mental state, turned to me for help.
With great difficulty I managed to convince them that they were wrong from the start. After all child at this age he strives to copy the world of adults, let him become an assistant in all household chores, present it in the form of a game. Do you do laundry? Give him a small basin and let him wash his socks. Do you cook in the kitchen? Let child will do the same and feed his toys. There are several benefits to doing household chores together. Firstly, child is nearby all the time and you avoid unpleasant surprises. Secondly, you have an excellent opportunity to explain to your baby the purpose of certain objects and show which of them are dangerous for him.
Do you think that child very small and doesn't understand anything. This is the most common misconception. He understands much more than you think. Whims, and sometimes even hysterics, is a kind of way to test your reaction. In such cases, you must be firm and consistent. Give to kid be alone with himself and soon he will realize that he was mistaken and will change his behavior.
You will have to face certain difficulties when the time comes child go to kindergarten. If you have spent a lot of time talking with child, and he has already learned what is possible and what is not, which is good. It will be enough for you to talk to him again and explain that it is impossible to buy everything at the same time. One boy has a car, another has a train, the third has a gun... It’s clear that he wants everything at once and now. Explain that this doesn’t happen, so you have to share.
If this doesn’t help, play a game called “Shop”. Give him toy money and ask him to do the necessary shopping. Very soon the money will run out, and the baby will understand that sooner or later everything comes to an end and what he wants is not always available.
You will find the way to your heart baby, if you talk to him as equal to equal. If Baby will understand that you want to sort out this or that issue with him, many vagaries and troubles can be avoided. A child At the same time, he will grow up calm and unspoiled.

Self-affirmation
An overly enthusiastic attitude towards children, in which they feel overly parental love, creates selfishness and selfishness in them. U baby hypertrophied self-esteem arises, that is, he is undemanding of himself, but is intolerant and over-demanding of others. At the same time, some children are so tired of parental love that they experience emotional overstrain, which is expressed in tears, the child is naughty, stubbornness, in opposition to everything that comes from adults.
Child perceives parental care in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, sometimes as a hindrance and suppression of one’s self. Psychological research shows that to kid Already from an early age, a certain balance of care and freedom is necessary for harmonious development. He must feel that he is not only looked after and surrounded by care, but also given the right to make independent choices, understood and respected. For example, a child begins to behave badly at the table. He refuses some dishes, asks for other food, demands a pacifier, although he has not used it for a long time. If in this case you openly put pressure on him, the child is naughty and will continue his whims and become even more stubborn. We must agree that he has become independent and can choose his own dishes and eat as much as he wants. Believe me, he will not die of hunger, his life instinct will not let him die. Treat things with patience and humor
Many parents believe that they adhere to a democratic parenting style, but in reality this turns out not to be the case. Some children are literally not allowed to take a step by their “caring” mothers: “Don’t go there! Don't take this into your hands! Don't play here! These are just some of the lines that can be heard on the playground from morning to evening. Yes, parents should protect their children from troubles and help them live in a difficult world, but is this always necessary? Still child- not a doll, not a piece of clay, and in many ways he creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to find out everything and try everything himself, and without getting into trouble this will not work. It is better if you explain to your child what to do in a given situation than to be overprotective and prohibit everything. Otherwise, he will never gain independence and self-confidence, will always act according to your orders and will remain infantile (and there are plenty of examples of this).
Pull yourself together, be patient and act like one wonderful mother who told her son when he came from the street: “It was a bad walk, since he came clean!”
To give a child the right to independence, it is necessary to distinguish his desire from his own interests.
Sometimes in many families, excessive severity and drill are dictated by the interests not of the child, but of the parents, for whom an obedient child causes less trouble. After all, it is always more convenient if the child is quiet, calm, sits in a corner and does not bother anyone, does not distract adults with questions and requests to play. But what kind of person will he grow up to be? Baby? Will he be a harmoniously developed, creative person or will he remain “downtrodden” and limited throughout his life?

Invisible reasons for whims
Under the age of five, due to insufficient life experience and the inability to critically comprehend what is happening, any situation can become a very strong irritant for the child. This includes incorrect behavior of parents (quarrels and conflicts between them, fights, aggressiveness towards the child, other family members or pets), and some kind of street impressions.
It is known that people are born with different types of nervous systems. Those who have a strong type of nervous system are calm, do not get upset over trifles, and are resistant to all sorts of troubles. People with a weak nervous system are more sensitive, vulnerable, they experience everyday difficulties more acutely.
Children with a weak nervous system are overly excitable, they have an increased response to various external and internal stimuli. For example, some children react very strongly to even minor pain: it makes them hysterical. A lump in porridge can cause vomiting; watching a scary movie at night can deprive you of sleep. It is difficult to stop such a child if he is capricious. Try to calm him down, distract him, and if you notice that the stressful state does not go away for a long time, contact a neurologist or psychologist.

What should parents do when their child is often naughty or whining?

When a child whines- he makes himself known, annoyingly complains about something, makes viscous, plaintive sounds.
And when a child is naughty– he is stubborn, picky, and cries.

I am sure that every parent knows what we are talking about and everyone is familiar with what it sounds and looks like when a child whines and is capricious.

Let's see what happens to a child at the moment when he begins to “whine” and “be capricious” (as we adults call it). In fact, at this moment something is very bothering him or he is worried about something.

How can a child feel at this moment?

He may be offended, angry, upset, he may be in pain, bored, offended, uninteresting, hot, cold, he may want your attention, eat, sleep, drink, or maybe he is just tired.

Look how many different reasons a child can have for doing what we call “whining” and “being capricious.”

How do we usually react when a child is naughty?

Often, when a child begins to be capricious, you can hear adults ordering him: “Don’t whine!”, “Stop whining!”, “Take that whining away!”, “Shut up!” "Shut up!" “I can’t hear your whining anymore,” etc.

Do you think these phrases help a child calm down? Or, on the contrary, do they upset him even more?

The phrase “Don't Noah” is not aimed at hearing and understanding the child, at giving him the feeling that we understand him. It is aimed only at getting him to stop doing what he is doing now, because we don’t like it and it’s inconvenient. It’s as if a child is a soldier who, on command, must instantly obey our words and instantly change his emotional state.

In fairness, let's admit: even for us, adults, it is difficult to manage our feelings and emotions. We cannot stop experiencing this or that feeling on command. What can we say about a small child!

The phrases “Don’t whine”, “Enough”, “Stop whining” and the like have a completely opposite effect on a child. The child becomes even more capricious, begins to cry louder, demand, be rude, break out, etc.

Why is it important to respond correctly to a child’s whims?

If at the stage when the child begins to be capricious, you manage to restrain yourself from the usual prohibitory phrases, attract your imagination to help, distract and calm the child, then this child’s behavior will never develop into hysteria.

If you react correctly to the child’s behavior from the very beginning, spend a little time with him and delve into what he wants, try to understand what he is missing now, what he cannot express in words, most likely he will quickly calm down.

And vice versa, if you demand from the baby to “stop right this minute”, ignore his needs, feelings and condition, speak in a stern commanding voice, shame him, then in the child this whining and whining with a very high probability can develop into a real, uncontrollable hysteria.

It turns out that it is precisely at that moment when the child is just beginning to act up that it is very important to notice this, because then the situation is still in your hands and you can still change it.

What is the best way to react when a child is naughty?

How to react correctly? Naturally, you don’t really like this child’s behavior. But, instead of using the traditional “No Noah,” try doing something from this list next time:

1. Say out loud the possible reason for what is happening to the child (as you understand it).

For example:
“I see you are very tired. Of course, today was such a hard day, so it’s hard for you and you want to cry a little, I understand you.”

“You’re offended, I understand. You really wanted me to buy it for you. Of course, we would like to, but, unfortunately, we are in such a hurry. Let me see what interesting things I have in my purse.”

“You are very offended by me. You’re offended that I said that and also said it loudly, so you’re unhappy now.”

“You don’t like these tights, and that’s why you’re crying. You want something different, you’re uncomfortable, I understand, let’s think that...”

“I understand you, not in a very good mood. You probably just want me to hug you, come to me.”

Thus, already in your very first phrase you try to voice the child’s state, tell him out loud what is happening to him now, what he may be worried about. Then the child feels that you are trying to understand him and it becomes easier for you to “get involved” in the child’s state.

Tuning into the wave of your child, you really try to understand - what is happening to him now? What about him? From this understanding, you may come up with some interesting ideas and solutions for this particular situation.

When you tell your child about what is happening to him now, what he is feeling and experiencing, at that moment you seem to be conveying a message to him: “Mom hears you, mom understands you, mom is trying to understand you, mom supports you.”

The child feels your attitude towards himself and begins to understand himself better, to realize what is happening to him now. It is very important.
It also gives you a little pause and time to think about what is happening with the child now and what is best to do in this particular situation.

2. Offer your child some alternative to what he asks for.

Most often, parents forget about this simple and very useful approach to parenting: not just prohibit something, but show the child other ways and options to do or get what he wants. Then his attention switches and he no longer feels so offended when something is forbidden to him;

3. Offer your child a choice what is now available and possible, instead of prohibiting or ignoring his feelings and desires;

4. Distract your child's attention for some event around, start telling him some fairy tale, story or incident from your childhood. We forget that the attention of young children is very easy to control in the good sense of the word. The baby is upset, but suddenly we draw his attention to the clouds in the sky that look like a giraffe and he has already forgotten about his upset. And if suddenly an interesting story comes up about a bear who didn’t like to wear a hat for a walk, then it will be so interesting that the baby won’t even notice that he’s already wearing a hat and has long gone outside for a walk.

Stories and fairy tales simply have a fascinating effect on children. With the help of a story, it is very easy to interest and distract a child in completely different situations. So simple. And we, adults, completely forget about this.

5. Switch the child’s attention to the action that needs to be done.

At least 80% of your comments should begin with a specific call to action, a description of the action you want your child to take.

Switch the child's attention to the action that needs to be done, rather than focusing his attention on what does not need to be done now. For example, what should we replace the phrase “No Noah” with? What should a child do instead of whining?

• "Please help me"
• "Please, let's sort things out"
• “Please hug me and let me hug you”
• “Look there! Have you ever seen anything like this?

“Help”, “let’s sort it out”, “hug”, “look” - all these are verbs that directly direct the child in the right direction, instead of the completely useless automatism “Don’t whine”.

What should you do when your child is naughty and whining?

The next time your child starts being naughty and whining, remember this article:

1. Restrain yourself from habitual command phrases;
2. Start with the words “I understand you”;
3. Describe what is happening to the child now and why he is upset;
4. Hug him;
5. Offer him some solution, options to choose from;
6. Tell me what to do;
7. Or gently distract his attention with some story.

All the best to you!

P.S. Please write in the comments whether this article was useful to you and are you trying to apply new knowledge? And click the social buttons to share this article with your friends. Thank you!

There are situations when parents have done everything seemingly possible, but the child still cries. Fatigue turns into despair, and thoughts appear about the infinity of this phenomenon.

Why is the baby being capricious?

The baby grows, and his needs grow along with him. Even if he has recently eaten and drunk, he may still be thirsty or hungry. The mother needs to put the baby to the breast; if he sucks greedily, it means that the cause of the tears was hunger.

Why is the baby being capricious? The cause of whims may be colic. When a child presses his legs to his stomach, then sharply straightens them, tenses and clenches his fists, while crying loudly - this is nothing more than colic. In order to help the baby, you need to massage his tummy. The massage is elementary: move the palm clockwise, and then take the baby in your arms and press his tummy to your chest. The baby will calm down when the gases come out and the pain stops.

The child’s nervous system is not fully formed, so it cannot cope with a large flow of information. The baby is capricious before bed due to the fact that during the day he received too many impressions. Perhaps there were guests in the house and the child became very excited. In order to relieve stress before bed, you need to give your child a warm bath. Herbal tea and the calm behavior of the mother, who should not be nervous and lash out at the baby, help. Mother should sing a lullaby in a gentle voice.

Baby is fussy during feeding

Children, just like adults, and perhaps to a greater extent, are very weather dependent. The baby is capricious during feeding because he has a headache. If a child throws his head back too much, it means he is worried about intracranial pressure, which causes headaches. In order to help the baby, you need to visit a good pediatrician who will determine the cause of the crying and, if necessary, prescribe appropriate medications.

Crying and moodiness may appear due to illness. If the baby does not have a fever or other signs of a cold, this does not mean that he is not sick. Perhaps this is just the first stage, which will soon develop into something more.

Baby is cranky in the evenings

Children are the flowers of life, especially when they are in someone's hands. Every parent knows that a child is not a doll, but a little person who is one hundred percent dependent on adults. Having a baby is a huge responsibility. We need to make sure that he doesn’t get sick, doesn’t go hungry, doesn’t get cold, and that he gets enough of everything, including attention. When the first, second, third and subsequent children appear in the family, parents realize that they no longer belong to themselves. Because everything they do is done for the sake of the children.

Why is my baby cranky in the evenings? Since newborn children cannot express their needs in any way other than crying, this means that any tears and whims indicate that some of the baby’s needs are not being met. Hunger, cold, heat, thirst, pain, lack and excess of attention can cause hysterics and crying.

The baby is constantly naughty

In fact, babies are not capricious, because capriciousness is an unmotivated desire and whim. The crying of a baby is a call that should show an adult that the baby is uncomfortable and needs help.

The baby is constantly capricious due to lack of warmth, dryness and comfort. Mom needs to strictly ensure that her baby has a dry diaper. If your baby has a wet diaper, it needs to be changed, especially if he has emptied not only his bladder, but also his intestines.

The child cries so that his mother knows that he wants to eat. In the first month, the baby sleeps constantly and wakes up only because he wants to eat. In order to calm the baby, you need to change his diaper and feed him.