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Personality development of a child born to one year old. Development of a child's personality from birth to one year. He plus she: mutual attraction

Personality development of a child born to one year old. Development of a child's personality from birth to one year. He plus she: mutual attraction

10.02.2024

“I really liked the game! The cards are large and thick, I think they will last us a long time. We play with the whole family: at first it was a little difficult, but then you get the hang of it and the speed game begins. My husband and I, as adults, did not have any advantages; it seemed that my daughter found the right combinations even faster. We also have a neuropsychological game “Try Again”, we decided to combine them, because... puzzle cards, which are designed to make the game more difficult, are very similar to the cards from Try Again. Now we play like this: we select in advance simple cards from “Try again” with poses that can actually be repeated. Then we shuffle and open one card from the “brain puzzle” deck, remember it, and then put it face down. Whoever finds the correct combination must repeat the pose from the closed card and shout “To the dacha.” If the pose is correct, then you can take the combination and open a new card from the “brain puzzle” deck; if it is not correct, then the participant can try again after one of the opponents tries to take the combination.”

“My children really liked the book (Part 1). They listened with pleasure and asked many questions. After each chapter there are exercises that become more difficult from chapter to chapter. Therefore, it is better to read the book not before bed, but to reserve time for an interesting dialogue with the children. The exercises are designed in such a way that they give parents and children room for creativity, depending on the specific situation. My children especially enjoyed drawing their portraits, filling houses with kindness, generosity, etc. After the section on perception, we had fun and began to come up with our own exercises for the 5 senses. The children also enjoyed acting out a fairy tale involving 4 types of temperament. Perhaps the most favorite game for learning about yourself and your character. We improved it a little, added several qualities that were not proposed by the author. For example, honesty, cunning, self-esteem. Each of us filled out 4 sheets - 1 about ourselves and 3 other family members. While they filled it out, they talked, clarified, explained, clarified, depicted and even laughed. My children love such tasks where they can learn more about themselves, show another their portrait and see themselves through the eyes of another. They remember such moments and ask them to repeat them from time to time. By the way, when you decide to do such a thing with your children, do not forget to write the name and date on each sheet. Everything changes. Save these leaves. After a while, you can return to them, do them again and see what changes and what remains the same. I am very glad that the author decided to make a continuation of the 1st part of Psychology for Kids. The children are looking forward to the new adventures of Yulia and her dad. There is little children's literature on the market aimed at understanding oneself and one's inner world. There are even fewer quality publications. The fairy tale about the most soulful science by Igor Vachkov is based on the best achievements of psychological science in recent years, written in simple language and essentially invites children and adults on an exciting journey. A journey that works for the development of children and adults. I am happy to recommend active reading to parents, teachers and anyone interested in the development of a child’s personality.”

“I looked at the topics of the authors’ candidate dissertations, they are very far from the practice of preschool education. It seems that all the work is based on inferences, and not on the results of scientific research. All information has long been known to scientists working on this problem. Philological authors are completely unaware of psychological and pedagogical research in this area, and there are quite a lot of them. The content of the work resembles a bachelor's or master's degree in pedagogical education, philological education is manifested in places. That's all. Thanks to the authors for their abstract work.”

“A wonderful program for developing children's emotional intelligence. I am an educational psychologist and have worked in kindergartens for 14 years. I worked with children using various good programs. For the last 2 years I have been studying with senior and preparatory groups under the Life Skills program. It differs from other programs in that the theoretical basis is very well written, all practical tasks are tied to theory, and many explanations are given on what, why and how to do. There are some simple and some very difficult tasks. It seems that children cannot cope with them. But no, they cope. And the kids really like it.”

“Great metaphorical cards! The structure is unusual: the deck consists of 31 sets of photographs (each set contains 3 cards). You can work both with sets (instructions will come to the rescue) and with individual cards (according to the standard principle). There are a lot of possibilities for using the deck! The quality of the cards themselves is also very good. Thank you to the publisher for continuing to look for something new in the world of metaphorical maps!”

“The sets are so-so. It’s an old model, in some places with drawings from the 2007 calendar, but the poster with emotions is generally useful and has valuable quotes. For example, the Bill of Individual Rights. But it’s easier to find them yourself on the Internet, order a print from a printing house, than to overpay for delivery.”

“I am a child psychologist, I worked in a kindergarten for 12 years. During this time, I taught group classes in various programs, including this one. I think this is a GREAT program. It’s interesting for children, and it’s interesting for a psychologist to work and see what happens, how children change. I highly recommend it, despite the fact that there are many other good programs now. The only thing is that there should be a maximum of 6-7 people in the subgroup for everything to work.”

“I express my gratitude to the author for the depth of consideration of the issue. After reading the book, superstitions about what is given to some children and not to others disappear. An understanding of the process of literacy formation emerges. In fact, the book gives: 1. An understanding of how literacy is formed in different children. 2. A simple step-by-step literacy tool. Regards, Mikhail."

“A book for thinking teachers and responsible parents. Helps to better understand the origins of problems. It is written in good language, the author presents specific material in an accessible and engaging manner. I teach a foreign language, but even for me the book turned out to be useful in terms of methodology and psychological aspects.”

“Hello! I want to say thank you for the program “A Year Before School: From A to Z.” I work as an educational psychologist and last school year I led a group on psychological preparation of children for school. This year I am faced with a similar task, but unfortunately, online stores, including yours, do not have workbooks for this program. Are there any plans to publish this product in the near future?”

“The second deck - and even greater delight :) I was waiting for the release for almost a year, after purchasing the deck “about you”. And for good reason!!! This is another masterpiece by Irina Logacheva and a team of psychologists. Of my 25 decks, these two are the most :) Very interesting images, stories...and the artist’s work is simply magnificent. Yesterday I tried it at work - it was a real pleasure, and the same positive customer reviews about the deck. Beauty and professionalism!”

“I recently purchased a kit for working with preschoolers. The emphasis in this game is on the development of fine motor skills and the cognitive sphere of the child. The manual is very detailed, with illustrations. Parents and children can easily play this game at home. I especially want to praise the card: it depicts a lot of characters, and therefore it will definitely not go unnoticed by children.”

“Thank you for these cards. This kit is one of the most used in my work with clients in many areas, from initial consultation to corrective developmental activities. Moreover, it is interesting and effective to use these cards in prevention.”

“Great book. Many thanks to Inna Sergeevna for the work with which she illuminated the difficult life of children in the orphanage walls. The book changed my view not only of disadvantaged children, but also helped me find an approach to my own. ”

Book Review

I learned about this series when the baby was a little over a year old, so I bought the book “Child Personality Development from 1 to 3.” I was delighted with the book, and I decided to buy the book “up to a year” to see if I had missed anything important.

1. "A family where there are two - you and me." This section provided useful information about the stages of family development. And what changes in a family when a child appears at each stage. After reading it, I wanted to know more about the development cycles of family relationships.

2. "Life before birth." This chapter is devoted to the health of a couple preparing to become parents, the health and mental state of a pregnant woman. In general, the obvious things are less stress during pregnancy, light physical exercise is useful, it is useful to talk out loud with the baby and rejoice at his appearance in the stomach.

3. “The most important year is the first year.” This is a section about infant psychology. After reading this chapter, I looked at the first year of my baby’s life with different eyes. It begins with a description of the newborn's capabilities - reflexes, his various states of sleep and wakefulness (there are six of them). Then we are told about the emotional development of the child in the first year, as well as the formation of the child’s attachment to his parents. There is a lot of information about the development of perception, about the development of speech - from screaming to the first words. Mental development is outlined in stages. Separately, I would like to note the information about the psychological needs and motives of the baby; there is little information of this kind in other literature about children under one year old.

In the first year of life, the child begins to understand that he is a separate person. How the child’s “I” becomes formed, the main parameters of the “I-concept” are also given in this chapter.

4. “Health before birth and in the first year of life.” This chapter briefly outlines the basics of caring for a baby, touches on the topics of feeding (feeding and complementary feeding), physical development (hardening and massage), illnesses, walks, sleep and the microclimate of the children's room, and raises the question of diapers. The information provided is new and up-to-date.

5. "Baby and civilization." This chapter talks about the development of the baby. Moreover, modern “training” methods like Doman are not named at all. This chapter describes in detail how Russian folklore helps a little person find his own “I”, get a picture of the world that he understands, and learn acceptable boundaries, which are so important for psychological comfort. And although there are few examples in the book, they will have to be taken from other sources, I really liked this chapter. I didn’t even realize how powerful a tool every mother has for a child’s development - folk lullabies, nursery rhymes and songs. This chapter should be read by everyone who is embarrassed by the “primitivism” of simple folk jokes.

Throughout the book there are “let’s play with the baby” inserts. They describe the simplest but effective games like “peek-a-boo” and indicate the optimal age at which a child will be interested in playing such a game. A great option is to teach dad these games so that he can entertain the baby while mom is resting.

To summarize, I will answer the question: is there a need for a book about the psychology of infants? I think that experienced mothers (who already have experience raising older children) are unlikely to find much new in this book. Such mothers have already learned at the everyday level the entire psychology of babies and know the stages of development. It will be useful for young mothers (expecting their first child) to read about emotionally direct communication, about the socialization of a little person and the formation of his “I”.

Dads must read it - in this book, information on all the main points is presented briefly and succinctly (dads don’t like to read five different books, give them the best one). In addition, it contains advice for future fathers (how to help a pregnant wife), and for fathers of babies (how to help a mother with a baby).

The book will also be very useful for grandparents, since they have experience raising children 20-30 years ago, and a lot has changed since then. And in this book the information is new and up-to-date - there is information about slings, and links to WHO recommendations, and the thermal regime of rooms is almost like Komarovsky’s.

In short, if you are expecting your first baby, buy it and read it with the whole family, the book is excellent!

Current page: 1 (book has 25 pages total) [available reading passage: 17 pages]

Team of authors
Development of a child’s personality from birth to one year Second edition

* * *

Authors' team

AVERIN Vyacheslav Afanasyevich (St. Petersburg), Doctor of Psychology, Professor, Dean of the Faculty of Clinical Psychology, Head of the Department of General and Clinical Psychology of the St. Petersburg State Pediatric Academy.

DOBRYAKOV Igor Valerievich (St. Petersburg), candidate of medical sciences, associate professor of the department of psychotherapy with a course of child and adolescent therapy at the St. Petersburg Academy of Postgraduate Education, chairman of the section of prenatal psychology, psychopathology and psychotherapy of the St. Petersburg Society of Psychologists, psychiatrist of the highest category.

OSORINA Maria Vladimirovna (St. Petersburg), Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Associate Professor of the Faculty of Psychology of St. Petersburg State University, Vice-President of the St. Petersburg Psychological Society.

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich (Moscow), Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical Institute, psychologist of the highest category.

PATRAKOV Eduard Viktorovich (Ekaterinburg), candidate of pedagogical sciences, deputy director for innovative development of the Sverdlovsk Regional Basic Medical College.

Irina Borisovna LEBEDEVA (Ekaterinburg), candidate of medical sciences, head of the department of advanced education of the Sverdlovsk Regional Basic Medical College.

MELAMED Gennady Moiseevich (Izmail), pediatrician of the highest category, family doctor.

NIFONTOV Sergey Anatolyevich (Ekaterinburg), senior lecturer at the Department of Organization of Work with Youth of the Ural State Technical University - UPI, Deputy Director for Scientific and Methodological Work of the State Budgetary Institution of the Sverdlovsk Region “Youth House”.

YAKOVLEVA Yulia Anatolyevna (Ekaterinburg), medical psychologist, lawyer.

KOCHEVA Elena Vladimirovna (Ekaterinburg), psychologist.

ILINA Valentina Nikolaevna (Ekaterinburg), practical psychologist.

Thanks to the readers

OVER SEVERAL YEARS of life, the series “Development of a Child’s Personality” has gained admirers in the form of tens of thousands of adults – parents, grandparents, specialists from different cities of Russia and from abroad, including Germany, Israel, Great Britain, and the USA.

Letters in which readers shared their impressions of the contents of the books convinced the creative team of the following:

1. Books “Development of a Child’s Personality” the whole family reads– Most of the response letters came from married couples. It is especially pleasant that the publications enjoy authority and popularity among dads - they highly appreciated the thoroughness and encyclopedic nature of the publications, and their serious scientific foundation.

2. In letters to publishers and in statements on the forum, readers emphasized that the books “Development of a Child’s Personality” can trust, because they were created by authoritative specialists - psychologists, teachers, pediatricians.

4. Books stay in the family, because with such a reliable source of information, it’s not scary to go through the path of young parents again. And then, when the children grow up, give them books.

5. Books increase the psychological literacy of parents, answering many questions related to the development of the child and relationships with him.

Thank you, our dear readers, for assuring us of the necessity and importance of publishing books in the “Development of a Child’s Personality” series, and we wish you further success in raising a growing person!

Editor's Preface

DEAR READERS! If you picked up this book, it means that for some reason you are close to the topic related to the development of the youngest children - from birth to one year. Perhaps you are parents, or maybe grandparents, close relatives or friends of a young family. The main thing is that you are very interested in whether everything is okay with the baby, whether he is growing and developing correctly. After all, you are not at all indifferent to what he will become in a year, two, three...

Our book will help solve many issues related to the upbringing and development of children in the first and most crucial year of life, when the child’s potential is laid – personal, intellectual, creative and physical. And the health and ultimately the happiness of the baby depends on how correctly adults assess the significance of this period.

Of course, such an important topic can only be entrusted to professionals. Therefore, pediatricians, psychologists, teachers, and other specialists worked for you. The goal of each of them was to help parents answer questions that arise while expecting a baby and in the first year of his life: to provide information about mental and physical development, about routine, feeding and nutrition, about how to care for a child, how to determine whether a child is healthy or not. whether he is, how to play with him, communicate, how to learn to understand this small, but already completely unique person, how to rejoice with him and explore the world together.

The book has five parts. The first is dedicated to the relationship between two loving people, to what extent he and she are ready to become parents, and understand all the responsibility with which they must prepare to meet the baby. The second part talks about a difficult and interesting period when a third person appears in the lives of two people, with his own temperament and mood, capable of feeling attitude towards himself and “telling” about it. A very small, but most important period of newbornhood - from the moment when the baby announces his arrival into the world with a loud cry, until one and a half months - is described in the third part. Here you will learn about the mental development of a child from one and a half months to a year. Parents of those children who experience health problems will find it useful to read part four. The book ends with the fifth part, which talks about how important the atmosphere of his home is for an inquisitive child, from which he begins to understand the world and feel his importance in it.

Many parents are interested in the question: how to create such an atmosphere in the family so that the baby feels comfortable and confident? The advice in the section “At an appointment with a psychologist” will help you answer it, which also explains why adults need to learn to respect and understand each other, and not be afraid to openly share their fears and doubts. Other sections: “ABC for Moms and Dads”, “Secrets of Psychology”, “Useful Tips”, “Play with Your Baby” - are intended so that adults can better understand the child’s world and the processes that he experiences in his development.

“Development of a child’s personality from birth to one year” is first in this series. In subsequent books we will talk about how all the vital systems of a child develop in the periods from one to three, from three to five years, from five to seven, from seven to eleven and from eleven to sixteen. What is the reason for this division by age?

Every person experiences during his life crisis periods, preceding the onset of new stages in its development (physical, emotional, etc.). Such crises, separating one stage from another, begin in childhood, and each of them is associated with the child’s preparation for certain types of activities, which in psychology are called leading.

Thus, the leading activity of the first year of life is direct emotional communication. In the period from one to three years, the object-manipulative activity. In the next period it becomes relevant role-playing game, which gradually gives way educational activities. Educational activities, in turn, change intimate and personal communication. And then comes the period of maturity.

Each book reflects the essence of the age period considered in it, the main mental developments and problems of this age, including medical and pedagogical aspects. Moreover, they are all interconnected, the line of one theme finds a logical continuation in the next volume, and vice versa, older age requires turning to an earlier period.

Direct emotional communication, characteristic of the age discussed in this book, is characterized by a special, never again repeated atmosphere of emotional contact between the mother, as well as other close adults and the child. From the fact what Whether this communication will occur will largely determine the further development of the baby and his formation as a person. Therefore, the entire volume is built on the principles of the “child-family” relationship.

For parents, the publication is a kind of guide to the mysterious and interesting world of childhood.

And now about those who wrote this book for you.

Part I. A FAMILY WHERE THERE ARE TWO – YOU AND ME

DOBRYAKOV Igor Valerievich: “The birth of a child and the age of the family.”

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: introduction, “ He plus she: mutual attraction."

Part II. LIFE BEFORE BIRTH

DOBRYAKOV Igor Valerievich: “Why is it so important to plan a pregnancy”, “Working a miracle: how life begins”, “The baby feels everything. And mom?”, “The beginning of mental life”, “Contact? There is contact!

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: “School of Love”, “Pregnancy: happiness or test?”.

Part III. THE MOST IMPORTANT IS THE FIRST YEAR

AVERIN Vyacheslav Afanasyevich: introduction, “The first year - and the whole subsequent life”, “Innate abilities of a newborn”, “Mental life of a newborn”, “Mental development of a baby”, “Psychology of the relationship between mother and child”, appendix.

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: “What a baby can do,” “Formation of trust between parents and child.”

Part IV. HEALTH BEFORE BIRTH AND IN THE FIRST YEAR OF LIFE

MELAMED Gennady Moiseevich: “Health of the expectant mother”, “Health of the newborn”, “Health of the baby in the first year of life”.

LEBEDEVA Irina Borisovna: “Organizing a safe space for a child.”

NIFONTOV Sergey Anatolyevich, YAKOVLEVA Yulia Anatolyevna: “Attention: a special baby!”

Part V. THE KID AND CIVILIZATION

OSORINA Maria Vladimirovna: “The significance of a lullaby in the formation of a model of the world in a small child”, “Development of home space: materialization of the Self.”

The following also took part in the publication:

PATRAKOV Eduard Viktorovich: introduction, conclusion, section “At an appointment with a psychologist.”

KOCHEVA Elena Vladimirovna: section “Play with the baby.”

ILINA Valentina Nikolaevna: section “ABC for dads and moms.”

Introduction

Childhood that has slipped into oblivion leaves us with memories and sensations, the echoes of which flow into our lives, sometimes determining its rhythm for a long time. A child's soul is an instrument obedient to tuning and at the same time a tuning fork against which one can compare the sound of adult life.

Children's feelings of happiness and carefree come to us as hope for the best in times of difficulties and failures. Children's dreams are in many ways landmarks and beacons for us. Surveys of people who consider themselves happy show that most of them have made their childhood dreams come true. Moreover, happy husbands see and feel women’s love as a continuation of mother’s love and consonance with it.

Parental love is natural for adults who have given birth to a new life, and it is necessary for it. This is an immutable truth, and it is unlikely that anyone will dispute it. But everyone puts their own meaning into the concept of love. Some see it as forgiveness, others as concern for well-being, and still others accept the baby as he is.

The way we treat a child determines the style of his upbringing. A baby needs interaction and communication with adults, like food, like care, like mother’s milk. But almost every parent faces questions, the answers to which are devoted to many works of teachers and psychologists. Perhaps one of the most important questions is how exactly communicate and educate? After all, the world of a baby is completely different from our world as adults. A small child thinks differently (yes, he actually thinks), his experiences are a reflection of parental emotions, his happiness lies in a sense of security, and his perception of the world is so subtle and direct that the child sometimes does not separate himself from the whole world at all. Therefore, communication with a baby is an entire art, the shadows and reflections of which fall on the rest of your life.

Today in psychology, early childhood is receiving increasing attention. The reason for this is the discovery of new possibilities in babies. For example, some European scientists argue that the baby is characterized by the same biological mechanisms as higher vertebrates. One of them is the mechanism of imprinting, when the child is unconsciously able to copy (or strive to copy) the movements and speech of the mother. This issue is still being discussed among scientists, but you can conduct a small experiment yourself: smile at the baby or make some kind of grimace. The baby's face will immediately change. What is this: an answer to you or just a copy reaction? But one way or another, this mechanism is applicable in the practice of family education. Smile at a crying baby. Perhaps this will be enough to calm him down!

From the first days, the child’s self-image and emotional sensation are formed. Self-esteem and self-respect subsequently grow from this feeling. And the formation of self-image is influenced not only by the feelings of the parents, but also by well-built relationships with the child. Therefore, parents should also have certain knowledge about the age-related characteristics of the child’s development.

Do you know what a child wants when he cries or when he reaches out to you, what toys and at what age does a child need, when does he have his first words? Very few parents can accurately answer these and many other questions related to child development.

The book, originally conceived as a leisurely conversation between psychologists, has grown into a single medical, psychological, pedagogical and family consultation. Infancy is unthinkable without parenthood, and above all without motherhood. And parenting is family. Therefore, we could not help but devote a separate chapter to the family and its crises.

Infancy is also inseparable from the period of birth. Moreover, psychological preparation for pregnancy is very important, as is preparation for conception!

If a child is sick, starts to be capricious and you don’t know how to calm him down, if you want to know how to be able to “read” his mood by crying or the movements of his arms and legs... Everything is written here.

The authors of this book - psychologists, teachers, doctors - thoroughly and clearly strive to tell attentive parents how the normal development of a child should proceed, how to determine immediately after birth whether he has delays, and if so, how to catch up. Moving away from instructions and moralizing, specialists consider specific examples from the practice of family counseling, introduce the successes and experiences of those who may live in your neighborhood and are raising their child.

This work accumulates the latest achievements of the system of sciences about infancy. It will be useful not only for those who already have children, but also for those starting a family and professionals.

Part I
A family where there are two - you and me

Introduction

SO MANY PEOPLE, as we know, so many opinions. If you ask a hundred parents: why do you actually need a child? – we will hear a hundred different answers. One of the first reactions of many will be bewilderment. The strange ones, they say, have found something to ask about. However, when they begin to answer, they begin to think at the very first phrases (words, thoughts). But really, why?

The relationship between parents and children can be debated almost endlessly. And not just argue, just talk. And very, very much will be said: the fact that children are the meaning of life (the meaning of existence), we live for the sake of children; and what it’s like to be left alone in old age, to know that there is no one in the whole world and there is no one to call or write a letter to, and that children are our pride, and our joy, and happiness, and pain, without which there is also nowhere. And they would remember that children are an opportunity not to repeat our mistakes and to do a better job than we did, and to live a better and happier life.

And it will also be said that our children are the future, the one we will not see, and the continuation of the family, and the bearers of culture, ideas, thoughts, knowledge. Everything will be said correctly, everything will be to the point, but one question will remain, an incomprehensible question, an absurd one: why? Why, so that they are better than us. Why, in order to necessarily continue something and somewhere, why, in order to make sense... The question sounds strange, not only incorrect, but even somehow blasphemous. But there is no blasphemy here and not even much strangeness.

A huge variety of answers to “why” can be divided into two layers. What happens is this: in one case the child will not for something and not for some reason, but by itself. Like self-worth. Like an equal. How significant. How free. Initially. What are you doing, how can you do it yourself? And the parents have nothing to do with it? What does it have to do with it. But more on that later.

In another case (and in all others), the child is a condenser (collector) of our aspirations and hopes, and expectations, and desires. What is incomprehensible, wrong and abnormal here, you ask. Everything is clear and everything is correct if... If we are expecting a child who is kind, smart, warm-hearted, gentle, proud, independent, strong, self-sufficient.

If a child for us is an opportunity to love what we don’t love, an assistant in business and a continuer of traditions (an heir, so to speak), if he is an opportunity to escape somewhere from boredom, despair, loneliness, an opportunity (the only one!) not to be left alone in old age, and thus more than to prove that I am no worse than everyone else, or even out of resentment, out of a sense of contradiction, out of spite, in spite of, etc. - this is where it is, the second option.

In the first case there is We, parents (mom plus dad), and He, child. Not worse, not better, not as a replacement or replacement. He himself (but with us or... we with him?) grows, laughs and cries, makes mistakes and achieves success, reasons, thinks, learns to think, gets upset, hates, loves... He loves, loves the whole world, loves himself and us. He loves us not just because we are his parents, but also because we exist. We are. And he is. We are equal. We are one. We are happy.

In the second case there is also We, parents (mom, dad plus...), and there is a duty, necessity, compulsion. And also - a feeling of guilt, helplessness, inevitability... And there is He- a child, together with us, and sometimes instead of us, bearing this load, hump, heaviness...

But what about love, where is it not? She is. There is, but... this is no longer quite love and not only love, and sometimes not love at all... These are fulfilled and unfulfilled hopes, justified and unjustified expectations, happiness from the fact that everything turned out as planned, and bitterness and resentment from ingratitude , unappreciated, useless...

The reader - mom or dad, future, present, after reading these lines, will say: okay, good, convinced. Let's say everything is as you say. But what then can be done to ensure that the child is born equal? So that we love him not for some reason or for some reason, but simply because he exists - how can we do this? Raise him, perhaps, in a special way? Where to begin?

Our smart, competent, wonderful reader who wants to know will be right. And who, tell me, doesn’t want our children to grow up happy and live long and again... happily. Where to begin? Start over.

He plus she: mutual attraction

The first step to starting a family

This is not the first time the question has been asked, nor the second, nor the third. What is family? Here I was, alone, then I appeared she, there are two of us. Become - We. We live under the same roof, we run the same household, we share our joys and sorrows. Is this already a family or not?

Perhaps the most important thing in starting a conversation is defining the goal. Why, why do people come together, form a couple, a family. If, without further ado, we take the simplest case: mom, dad, plus a child, since without children this is probably not really a family, rather just a couple, the relationships in it (in the family) will be determined by the answer to this very question - why? ?..

Let's try to answer.

From the point of view of sociologists, a family is “... a small group based on marriage and consanguinity, the members of which are connected by a common life, mutual assistance, and moral responsibility...”.

In the world of wise thoughts
Only in marriage, perceived as a natural continuation of a long journey towards self-discovery, does it make sense to have children. Then children automatically become a true complement to the path of mental, spiritual growth, which will never end, because such is the essence of man on this earth. In this way, children also become part of the ongoing struggle to get ever closer to harmony, to mental and spiritual self-knowledge.

Valerio Albisetti

So, a family is needed in order to run a household, so that there is someone to help if something happens, and also to continue the family line. Everything seems to be extremely simple and clear; It’s not clear why the problems that arise in the family (and not only in this, the initial, maternal, and then in the children’s families) are much more serious and deeper than household, economic, or related to the unwillingness to help each other. Although there is also a grain of truth in this last nuance. Strangers always want to help in everything just appears infrequently. After all, there are enough problems of our own. Traditionally, there are several stages in the development of a family and a number of family functions (which, it is important to note, can be clearly divided into “parental” and “children”).

Without reproducing cumbersome and boring schemes, we will try to highlight the most important thing: at the first stage - it can roughly be called pre-family– relationships are built between people who, in essence, do not yet know whether they will be spouses or not. What happens is that interest arises between two people, on the basis of which sympathy develops. Interest, by the way, can arise completely by accident, spontaneously: an ordinary acquaintance in a company, meeting eyes in transport. Interest in a person is always based on a certain element of the unconscious. It is very difficult, almost impossible to say what exactly interested you: maybe thoughtfulness, or the similarity to someone you know (friends, relatives), or appearance, or a casual glance... Sympathy is a purely emotional state, not subject to reasonable logic. I like it - that’s all, but I don’t know why. By the way, the same can be said about antipathy. Hardly any of us, adult fathers and mothers, will pay attention to the fact that our children often like or dislike the same images and types as we do.

Based on interest and sympathy, communication begins, essentially a conversation - getting to know each other. Some take hours, some take months, some take years, you can’t predict in advance. It is important that during the time of “recognition” one person becomes accustomed to another, and then attachment arises.

Perhaps some of the more inquisitive readers have asked whether it happens that the relationship between two people does not go beyond addiction, and whether it is possible to create a family on this basis. It also happens. However, if one person is nothing more than a habit for another, then the family will be with the mindset of “habitually being nearby”, nearby not because you want to, but because you don’t want to... change, change, search, spend... (In A. Marinina in one of the detective novels there is such a character - a man who married solely because this woman annoyed him less than the others.)

Based on affection, emotional involvement in relationships (that is, when it no longer matters who is nearby, but you want it to be close He or she) friendship is formed. This concept already presupposes the desire to reckon with each other, and the undoubted importance of the other person, and therefore, respect for him. The desire to communicate, to be close for as long as possible, colored by sexual desire, we call falling in love. This is the dawn of family life. However, there is still more than one step from falling in love to love. It is far from news that real, real love also carries with it a certain calculation. We begin to look fundamentally differently at the situation of possible personal and shared existence (co-existence is where the family, in fact, originates). If a person is dear, and important, and needed, it is very logical to think about where and how to live, how comfortable life will be and how much this necessary comfort will cost. The most important thing is that in a situation of love, a person necessarily thinks about himself - and do not consider this a manifestation of egocentrism - he thinks about how the other person will be next to him, how he himself will be next to the other person.

Perhaps the most controversial, although certainly sublime, definition of love is expressed by the phrase “Paradise with the darling in the hut.” On the one hand, sacrifice, the desire to endure, to create everything “from scratch”, if, of course, together, together; on the other hand, how long will one live in a hut given the “unwarm” current times?

Second phase - family, but still without a child, suggesting the opportunity to “live for yourself.” And at the same time, without thoughts about the future child (children), he is unlikely to be prosperous.

At this stage, speaking in strictly scientific language, the correlation of the ideal idea of a family with reality begins.

A small scientific digression is necessary here: let’s give the concept of “family” from the point of view of psychologists.

Any person, no matter how rational and down-to-earth he may be, necessarily has what is called an “ideal idea,” an “ideal image.” The concept of “ideal representation” means what is desired, taking into account all requests “to the maximum.” In reality, of course, this does not happen. However, I want to. In fact, this “want” is the meaning: an ideal family is the model of family, the option that you want to see.

So, firstly, the more “real” a person’s position is, the better he imagines possible reality, the fewer problems there will be. You should not, of course, think that you need to start with a critical, serious assessment of everything that is happening.

When He And she they begin to lead their own life, separate from all others, a huge mass of little things appear (and not only), to which attention was not paid before or was paid only in passing. As you know, little things have a nasty tendency to accumulate, and when there are too many of them, the initial mild irritation develops into real resentment.

Secondly, family is always unfreedom. It is more responsibilities than rights, it is more giving than receiving, it is equal parts victories and defeats, it is always change - constant, continuous.

“...The likelihood of a harmonious union between a man and a woman is directly determined by the similarity of the family models from which they came…” (S.V. Druzhinin). So, it turns out, by choosing a life partner, building a relationship with him (her), we thereby lay the “foundation” of the family of our children. The child learns his future marital role by mentally identifying himself with a parent of the same sex. One can say more: any of our actions, actions, especially patterns of behavior are directly related to our own family, the one from which we came. There are always two poles here: either “analogy”, repetition (not necessarily, of course, exactly), or “protest” (the opposite of what is seen and remembered). Of course, both are extremes. The only possible middle ground is to combine both approaches together, carefully analyzing your own actions and actions. “So, it won’t take long for you to go crazy, and in general, if you constantly control yourself, then when will you live?..” A natural remark. However, a family is, first of all, self-restraint in order to find the opportunity to move freely together.

In the world of wise thoughts
Falling in love is essentially consonant with the psychology of a child who, in his childhood desire for “omnipotence,” wants to get everything at once; love is the lot of mature people who are not afraid of time, but on the contrary, take it into account.

Valerio Albisetti

Thirdly, every family has its own more or less difficult periods, crises, problems - this is inevitable and a given. This is fine. The well-being of the lives of two and the behavior of the third (child) will be determined by the ability to overcome crises and resolve conflicts. Somewhere to hold back, somewhere to give in, somewhere to take responsibility for solving the problem.

Fourthly, if you go back a little, look at the actual situation of development, growing up of the future mother or future father, you can identify a very significant link that “directly” prepares the answer to the question: For what families are formed, and at the same time How.

According to psychologists, we choose a partner with whom it is easier for us to reproduce a situation that was not resolved in childhood... And this is quite logical and natural. In childhood, a lot was needed: you had to be and feel loved, needed, desired, successful. It was necessary to be understood and approved by those people whom we respected and appreciated. Not everyone was lucky: the right people weren’t found, circumstances didn’t work out, parents were too busy, there were no sisters and brothers, or, on the contrary, there were some, but everyone was younger, which means the responsibility rests with you, the eldest - in general, a lot of things. And so we begin to look for a person who will “give us” what we didn’t receive in childhood. We find and... often lose. The other one has something of his own, and he is waiting for help and support from us. In general, again a vicious circle. There is apparently only one way to break out of it: to realize oneself as a free person and treat others in the same way. Easier said than done, of course. It’s easier to say - harder to do, but nevertheless it is necessary. The stakes are very high – not only your own happiness, but also your children’s.

Genre: Pedagogy
Author: Team of authors

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“The Development of a Child’s Personality from Birth to One Year” is the first publication in a series whose books tell modern parents about how a child grows and develops throughout childhood: from birth to sixteen years. The birth of a child poses many questions to young parents, one of the most important is how to help him grow into a strong, harmoniously developed personality. The book answers questions about how to communicate with a baby before he is born, how the birth of a child and the age of the family are connected, how trust is formed between parents and the child, how the baby’s emotions and speech develop, and how he learns about the world. Adults will learn about the mental and physical health of the baby, how to take care of him in the first year of life and what to do if the child is special. The publication is addressed to parents, psychologists, teachers, sociologists, pediatricians, specialists in family planning centers, support for young parents, etc. [i]Second edition.

Reader! You have chosen the right work, and you will definitely enjoy reading the book “Development of a child’s personality from birth to one year” Team of authors. There is no doubt about the relevance of this book, because people have not changed much over the past centuries; modern people have thoughts, emotions and goals identical to what people had hundreds of bodies ago. The facts presented by the author made the work alive and unique, presenting the reader not only with a beautiful picture, but also with interesting and educational data from history. This book is one of the few examples of how skillfully selected places decorate the main characters and everything that happens in this story. The secondary characters are endowed with unique, interesting characters, about whom a separate story can be told, but which fit harmoniously into this story. You perceive the book with amazing excitement! - Every next action, every nuance is easy to predict, but at the same time you never cease to be surprised. The versatility and uniqueness of images creates an inner world full of many processes and facets. All words and sentences acquired true meaning and value, lifting the reader to the pinnacle of joy and bliss. “The development of a child’s personality from birth to one year” by a team of authors, it’s wonderful to read online for free, it’s like finding yourself in a fairy tale that your parents read as a child, and getting into this atmosphere.

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Authors' team

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich (Moscow), Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical Institute, psychologist of the highest category.

PATRAKOV Eduard Viktorovich (Ekaterinburg), candidate of pedagogical sciences, deputy director for innovative development of the Sverdlovsk Regional Basic Medical College.

Irina Borisovna LEBEDEVA (Ekaterinburg), candidate of medical sciences, head of the department of advanced education of the Sverdlovsk Regional Basic Medical College.

MELAMED Gennady Moiseevich (Izmail), pediatrician of the highest category, family doctor.

YAKOVLEVA Yulia Anatolyevna (Ekaterinburg), medical psychologist, lawyer.

KOCHEVA Elena Vladimirovna (Ekaterinburg), psychologist.

ILINA Valentina Nikolaevna (Ekaterinburg), practical psychologist.

Thanks to the readers

Letters in which readers shared their impressions of the contents of the books convinced the creative team of the following:

5. Books increase the psychological literacy of parents, answering many questions related to the development of the child and relationships with him.

Editor's Preface

For parents, the publication is a kind of guide to the mysterious and interesting world of childhood.

And now about those who wrote this book for you.

Part I. A FAMILY WHERE THERE ARE TWO – YOU AND ME

DOBRYAKOV Igor Valerievich: “The birth of a child and the age of the family.”

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: introduction, “ He plus she: mutual attraction."

Part II. LIFE BEFORE BIRTH

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: “School of Love”, “Pregnancy: happiness or test?”.

Part III. THE MOST IMPORTANT IS THE FIRST YEAR

SLOBODCHIKOV Ilya Mikhailovich: “What a baby can do,” “Formation of trust between parents and child.”

Part IV. HEALTH BEFORE BIRTH AND IN THE FIRST YEAR OF LIFE

MELAMED Gennady Moiseevich: “Health of the expectant mother”, “Health of the newborn”, “Health of the baby in the first year of life”.

LEBEDEVA Irina Borisovna: “Organizing a safe space for a child.”

NIFONTOV Sergey Anatolyevich, YAKOVLEVA Yulia Anatolyevna: “Attention: a special baby!”

Part V. THE KID AND CIVILIZATION

OSORINA Maria Vladimirovna: “The significance of a lullaby in the formation of a model of the world in a small child”, “Development of home space: materialization of the Self.”

The following also took part in the publication:

PATRAKOV Eduard Viktorovich: introduction, conclusion, section “At an appointment with a psychologist.”

KOCHEVA Elena Vladimirovna: section “Play with the baby.”

ILINA Valentina Nikolaevna: section “ABC for dads and moms.”

Introduction

Infancy is also inseparable from the period of birth. Moreover, psychological preparation for pregnancy is very important, as is preparation for conception!

Part I
A family where there are two - you and me

Introduction

Our smart, competent, wonderful reader who wants to know will be right. And who, tell me, doesn’t want our children to grow up happy and live long and again... happily. Where to begin? Start over.

He plus she: mutual attraction

The first step to starting a family

Let's try to answer.

In the world of wise thoughts
Only in marriage, perceived as a natural continuation of a long journey towards self-discovery, does it make sense to have children. Then children automatically become a true complement to the path of mental, spiritual growth, which will never end, because such is the essence of man on this earth. In this way, children also become part of the ongoing struggle to get ever closer to harmony, to mental and spiritual self-knowledge.

Valerio Albisetti

At this stage, speaking in strictly scientific language, the correlation of the ideal idea of a family with reality begins.

A small scientific digression is necessary here: let’s give the concept of “family” from the point of view of psychologists.

Secondly, family is always unfreedom. It is more responsibilities than rights, it is more giving than receiving, it is equal parts victories and defeats, it is always change - constant, continuous.

In the world of wise thoughts
Falling in love is essentially consonant with the psychology of a child who, in his childhood desire for “omnipotence,” wants to get everything at once; love is the lot of mature people who are not afraid of time, but on the contrary, take it into account.

Valerio Albisetti