What is Perfectionism
perfectionism is a term used to describe a person's personality trait that involves a constant striving for excellence, maintaining high standards, and refusing to accept anything less than perfection.
Simply put, perfectionism is the tendency of a person to bring any started business to an ideal state. For example, if a perfectionist is faced with the task of running and laying computer cables in an office, then he will do this work in such a way that the cables are laid in perfect order. The whole system will look nice and orderly.
Perfectionism and signs of its presence.
- Critical self-assessment;
- Exaggerated or unrealistic expectations;
- Increased concern for bugs and defects;
- Diffidence;
- Assumptions that other people must be perfect;
- Projecting one's own views on impeccability;
- Refusal to acknowledge shortcomings.
At its core, perfectionism, like most specific personal qualities, is on the borderline of character extremes. Like many other traits, it includes both negative and positive aspects. On the positive side, perfectionism can push people to do all their things with maximum efficiency and productivity. The negative factors include the fact that perfectionists are quite often critical and judgmental towards themselves and others.
Pros and cons of perfectionism.
The most important disadvantages in this character trait include the so-called “perfectionist curse”. The essence of this "curse" is that a person can spend a lot of precious time on improving absolutely unimportant things and details.
But striving for perfection isn't always a bad thing. There are a lot of professions where the tendency to perfectionism is considered a very valuable quality. For example, if an accountant has this trait, then his reports will always be flawless and accurate. By analogy, one can put architects, designers, and so on in this row.
In the modern world, you can often hear people talking about this or that person, they say that he is a perfectionist. Or in other words, a person who strives for perfection in everything. However, in reality, not everyone can accurately determine who a perfectionist is.
That is why in this article we will consider this very important topic, consider all the features, find out what is the basis for perfectionism, try to understand how to maintain relationships with a perfectionist or how to communicate with people if it turns out that you yourself are a perfectionist .
Definition of the term
Wilhelm Reich defined the term in a very interesting and understandable way.
According to him, perfectionism is mechanical thinking that does not allow for the possibility of mistakes, uncertainty, uncertainty, it avoids unclear situations in every possible way.
However, if we take into account that even nature is not so precise, then perfectionism will definitely lead a person to mistakes. After all, nature operates more functionally than mechanically.
The term perfectionism itself comes from the English word "perfect" which means perfection, therefore, perfectionism is nothing more than the desire for excellence in everything.
Surely each of us met people who all the time want perfection in everything. This desire in them often completely takes possession of them and they are no longer able to soberly assess whether this desire is justified at the moment, or is it really necessary now. This is what perfectionists are. If you met such a person at work, for example, made an order from him, then when the order expired and you come to pick up your order, you will 100% see that the order is still not ready. And this is not because the perfectionist shied away from work, far from it. It’s just that until the last moment he will find something to add, to put the finishing touch, because the perfectionist will still find many places in the order that can be improved.
Psychologists are sure that, in fact, perfectionism is based on:
- Desire to receive praise from others;
- Fear.
And they are proof that a person has low self-esteem and self-doubt. That is, we can say that perfectionists have two completely different mechanisms of one phenomenon.
In order to better understand them, it is necessary to consider them in more detail.
Fear
When an insecure person takes on a job, he always has a fear associated with whether his work will be accepted or scolded, criticism will begin. And all this, in turn, lowers a person's self-esteem even more. And as a way to protect against all these blows, a person begins to endlessly improve his results.
However, he cannot stop at some stage, because whatever the result, it will always seem to him that this is not good, he needs to try harder. This is the reason why perfectionists always set the bar high, and each time the perfectionist raises this bar higher and higher.
Praises
In those cases when a perfectionist himself realizes what a gigantic work he has done, knows that his results are excellent, then he has a different feeling: a desire to be praised in the environment. According to the perfectionist, others should see all the genius and all the work that he spent on this business, therefore, everyone should praise him. In other words, perfectionism itself begins from this moment in its purest form.
For him, the most painful blow is to go unnoticed. Thinking that he might not be noticed, that he might remain a gray mouse - just deal a death blow for a perfectionist. He himself has the most immodest opinion about himself and about his abilities. And what is most interesting, it corresponds to reality. However, since a perfectionist is not able to understand the essence of the processes that take place in the world around him, he cannot receive confirmation from the outside world that he is the smartest.
In other words, perfectionists have a distorted reality, and the way they imagine themselves, the surrounding reality, in fact, has nothing to do with real reality.
And instead of changing their approach to the outside world, perfectionists try to adjust the outside world for themselves. That is why every time, as soon as they have a misunderstanding, luck, they start making a fuss, talking about how imperfect the world is. In fact, in most cases, if a person at this stage tries to change himself and reconsider his attitude to the world, then he will be able to change and get rid of the heavy burden of perfectionism.
How to understand a perfectionist?
Your best friend, sister, partner, or even your child can be a perfectionist. Therefore, it is important to understand him, to find out what he really wants.
Some mistakenly believe that perfectionists just want to stand out from the crowd. However, this is not always the case. In fact, everything is much simpler: he needs evidence and external manifestations that others have the same high opinion of his work, that his work is appreciated and accepted properly. It can be praise, recognition, or signs of respect.
For until our opinion of ourselves is confirmed by external facts, we cannot be sure that we are right about ourselves. And until this happens, a person cannot calm down and establish himself in his beliefs about himself.
Keep in mind that the desire to receive attention, admiration from others, is a sure sign that a person has low self-esteem and internal insecurities. The most interesting thing is that these people want to be admired by absolutely everyone, even people they do not know. The slogan of an insecure person can be considered the following expression: "I want to please everyone." At first glance, such a person can be mistaken for a self-confident person. However, in this case, “hypercompensation” works (a term in psychology that implies situations when painful experiences for an individual, for example, insecurity, are hidden both from oneself and from others by demonstrating opposite traits in oneself).
Is everything really that bad?
In fact, it is impossible to answer this question unambiguously. Indeed, on the one hand, everyone understands that it is impossible to be perfect in everything. But at the same time, nature itself has laid in man the desire to be better, to strive for the ideal.
But everything is comparative these days. Since a few decades ago, society accepted perfectionists with enthusiasm, society appreciated them. And today, the term perfectionism causes ridicule, and in some cases condemnation from society.
Where is the reason?
This psychological feature, which is also called the "excellent student syndrome", can manifest itself in various areas of life: at work, in the family, in one's appearance, etc.
Being a perfectionist or living and communicating with him is difficult. After all, it is not so easy with a person who will always find mistakes and will always be dissatisfied with both his own results and the work of others. But it’s hard not only for those around them, but also for themselves, because they themselves have been chasing the ideal all their lives and suffer every time they fail to achieve their goal. And if others do not equal the standards set by him, then the perfectionist may consider this a personal insult and personal defeat.
That is why it is important to try to get rid of perfectionism, but before you start, you need to know the reasons that led to the occurrence of this phenomenon in a person.
Like almost all personality deviations and the foundations of perfectionism, a person has been laid down since childhood.
Every parent dreams of their child being the best, the most successful. And if you constantly drive the bar higher and higher, if you follow and harshly criticize for the most, even minor mistakes and deviations, then the child may develop perfectionism. Which he will carry with him into adulthood.
Examples
At work and in life
Usually, perfectionists succeed and become bosses, but such bosses are the most picky. They are always dissatisfied with the work of their employees. This often leads to disputes, to the search for the best employees, and so on in a circle. After all, in fact, working under the command of a perfectionist is, to put it mildly, hard.
And in the event that a perfectionist is a simple worker, then he works properly, performing the tasks assigned to him perfectly. True, he himself does not agree with this, since a perfectionist will always find where something could be corrected, something completed, etc.
But no matter how successful he achieves, true happiness does not shine for them, because, despite the results, they are always dissatisfied with themselves and what they have achieved.
Below we consider the different manifestations of perfectionism in different sexes and ages.
Perfectionist child
In the event that a child is a perfectionist, his parents may notice excessive demands from him, starting from childhood.
A perfectionist child, before taking on a task, begins to carefully consider all aspects to see if he can successfully complete it. In case of mistakes, a perfectionist child is very difficult to tolerate criticism, is very shy, is never confident in himself, in his abilities, in his knowledge and abilities. He can work very long and hard on a specific case, try to bring the result to the ideal.
Not realizing that the child suffers from perfectionism, parents may initially be delighted, thinking that they just have a very smart and diligent child. However, in fact, such a child needs a special approach, increased attention, increased self-esteem. It is necessary to explain to him that mistakes are normal, that everyone can make mistakes. And most importantly, you need to teach your child to set priorities correctly and set realistic goals for him.
Perfectionist men
A perfectionist man can be recognized based on his personality traits:
- Increased self-criticism;
- Impatience for mistakes, both one's own and others';
- They are uncompromising and uncompromising;
- Do not accept criticism;
- They are afraid of failure.
These qualities over time turn a man into a notorious despot, a whiner, or a pedant. Whatever the outcome, living with such a person would be simply unbearable. Indeed, in any case, it will be necessary to adapt to him, patiently wait until he has an attack of self-flagellation and when an unimaginably high opinion of himself changes.
Perfectionist Women
In the event that a woman is a perfectionist, then she takes on too much, takes on such responsibilities that she can by no means bear on her fragile shoulders.
The interesting thing is that they do it themselves, no one makes them fuss so much. But for a perfectionist, everything should be on top: her appearance, household chores, work, and children - everything should be perfect, like in a fairy tale. A perfectionist can calm down only if she is an ideal wife, an ideal mother, an ideal housewife and, in addition, achieve success in her work. Can anything be perfect in life? Everyone knows that this is unrealistic, but not a perfectionist.
These women can be observed:
- Intolerance to both one's own and other people's mistakes;
- extremes;
- Excessive severity;
- Almost overwhelming bad mood.
This is precisely the reason why in a family where the mother is a perfectionist, children are often hooligans. This can be considered their protest. And the husband goes to another.
Can perfectionism be overcome?
Faced with this problem, it is important to remember that you should not take the criticism and dissatisfaction of a perfectionist to heart. Keep in mind that they need help. And help, in the first place, is to help the perfectionist reduce his anxiety. It is necessary to replace self-criticism with rationalism, and in this case, he will begin to self-flagellate less.
So, here are some practical tips that will help the perfectionist overcome this phenomenon, which, as we have already seen, only interferes with life and enjoyment.
- Objectivity - until a perfectionist evaluates himself and others objectively, he will not be able to achieve success.
- Realistic goals - do not overestimate the bar, set yourself unrealistic goals. Try to set realistic, achievable goals.
- Limit the time to complete the work - set a specific time for specific tasks and do not add anything after you are done.
- Give yourself a chance to make mistakes - everyone can make mistakes, you can’t beat yourself up just because something didn’t turn out as good or perfect as you wanted at the beginning.
And most importantly, if someone close to you is a perfectionist, remember that they need understanding, support, love, and warmth. Do not pay attention to his supposedly high self-esteem, pickiness, etc., this is just a screen behind which fearfulness, fear of being rejected, incomprehensible and unpleasant, fear of making a mistake is hidden. It is necessary to show such a person that mistakes are inherent in everyone, and because he made a mistake (unless, of course, he made a mistake), he was not respected or valued less.
Try to help him relax, because due to high demands on himself, such a person is in constant internal tension.
Comments 0Every person met with manifestations of perfectionism in his life: either from his own experience, or because this quality is characteristic of someone close to him.
So what is perfectionism - a feature with a plus sign or a painful human desire for unattainable perfection?
It would seem that in human nature there is a desire to become better, a desire for an ideal. Today, many people put this desire at the forefront.
If earlier representatives of society, endowed with this property, evoked an enthusiastic reaction from society, now this term is often found in a mocking or even condemning context.
What does
What is the meaning of the word "perfectionism"? It means striving for absolute perfection, for the highest degree of impeccability, for the ideal.
This psychological feature of the personality is also called the “excellent student syndrome”.
A perfectionist considers himself obliged to do everything perfectly, exemplary, without the slightest mistake. Therefore, he is constantly dissatisfied with the results of what he himself and others have done.
Moreover, the areas in which people show this quality can be very different: work, appearance, family. The foundation for such deviations in the structure of personality is usually laid in childhood.
Throughout his life, a perfectionist usually resists compromise, chasing a mirage that is simply impossible to achieve. And because of this impossibility, he suffers heavily from his, as it seems to him, failures.
It turns out that his relatives also suffer from the inclinations of a perfectionist. After all, he strives for the people around him to also adhere to his rules. He perceives a deviation from the rules he has established as a personal loss or an insult.
How it manifests itself at work
Perfectionists are usually the most picky bosses, because their demands are too high not only for themselves and colleagues, but also for family and friends. But, being a performer, such a person tries to do the work entrusted to him as well as possible.
Often, perfectionists can achieve a lot in life, because in their field they become good specialists. They hone their skills diligently, and in addition, they motivate them to become better than others, even inert people.
At the same time, perfectionists are rarely happy, because they always believe that the task they completed could have been done much better. Even if everyone else is more than happy with the result.
How does perfectionism manifest itself?
Some parents notice that their child is a perfectionist. From a very young age, he shows his exaggerated demands.
Such a child is accepted for the performance of some business only when he is sure of success in advance and when he understands that he is able to fight, that there are chances of winning.
Such a kid is embarrassed by his mistakes, cannot tolerate criticism, often doubts his strengths, abilities and talents. As a rule, he is not satisfied with the result of the work performed, he is ready to work long and diligently on the results, to bring them to the ideal.
Such a child needs attention, he needs to increase self-esteem, explain that mistakes are normal and that they can be corrected. Set realistic, achievable goals for your child, teach them to prioritize correctly.
Man
Perfectionist men have their own characteristics:
- Too much reflection.
- Exposing yourself to self-criticism.
- Lack of tolerance for one's own and others' mistakes.
- Intransigence and uncompromising.
- Rejection of criticism.
- Fear of failure.
These features can make a notorious whiner, despot or pedant out of a man. In any of these cases, his loved ones will have a hard time. They will be forced to adapt to this person, to endure incredibly high conceit, then bouts of self-flagellation replacing each other.
Woman
As for perfectionist women, such ladies take on an unthinkable amount of responsibilities on their fragile shoulders. And in the truest sense of the word - they charge.
Indeed, for a perfectionist, both work, and your own appearance, and household chores - everything should be on top. But you still need to be an ideal wife for your own husband and an ideal mother for your children.
Almost any person understands that it is impossible to be an ideal wife, mother, housewife and successful business woman at the same time. But the perfectionist is not able to understand this and stubbornly tries to achieve the ideal in everything.
At the same time, such a woman is intolerant of her relatives almost as much as she is with herself. Therefore, children often become bullies in protest against the strict requirements of the mother, and husbands find themselves much less ideal mistresses or new wives.
In society
When communicating with a perfectionist, it should be understood that his type of behavior is based on a black and white perception of the world. Or, in other words, they are maximalists: they live according to the principle “either all or nothing”.
Such people lack tolerance, but there is an inability to compromise. They should be praised, because most often they have low self-esteem.
In addition, they need to try to gently explain that the world is not perfect, others are not perfect, he himself is not perfect - and this is normal. Learn to perceive the world as it is.
Such a person must be involved in a variety of entertainment, limit his work to a specific time period, help him relieve stress.
No need to react sharply to criticism from the perfectionist and the so-called "nitpicking". It is worth accepting that for him this is the norm, and not at all an attempt to offend.
In a relationship
It is also important that in close relationships the perfectionist is often cold and distant. He can hurt with words and not even attach importance to it.
In his understanding, the chosen one must be perfect, like their relationship. If they are far from ideal, then he is disappointed and perceives this as a betrayal. Because of what, sometimes it is easy to reject a loved one or a loved one.
If a person’s perfectionism is obsessive and seriously interferes with the life of both the person himself and his relatives, then you should contact a psychologist to solve the problem. After all, tension due to the desire for an ideal can lead to depression, apathy and other painful states of the psyche.
What to do if you encounter this problem
To reduce the level of their anxiety, a perfectionist needs to replace self-criticism with rationalism. In this case, self-flagellation will be less.
The more successfully he uses his pragmatism and rationality, the more objectively he will evaluate himself and those around him. Set yourself only achievable goals. And the time for their implementation is limited to a certain time period.
What if someone close to you is a perfectionist? Such a person urgently needs understanding, support, human warmth, but he simply does not know how to receive all this. He is alienated from other people and from himself, as he runs away from his feelings, hides them. It is worth supporting a loved one, but talking about what is important to you.
Excessive demands make him incredibly tense internally. In addition, it is difficult for him to admit his own wrong. He is often ashamed that someone noticed his shortcoming, because of this he may become furious, become aggressive.
Such a person always has a desperate desire to be strong and successful. Although he does not know how to enjoy success, he does everything not to show his weakness.
It is difficult for him to communicate informally. He often envies others, although he often does not admit it even to himself, and spends all his energy on maintaining the “ideal” of his image. He does not know how to humble himself, he is unable to perceive and accept a situation that he cannot change. Author: Artem Padalkin
You won’t know who a perfectionist is until a person with such a “disease” appears in your environment. But if no jokes - is this a useful quality or the worst character trait? There is no single answer, it all depends on the direction in which a person will manifest this quality.
The essence of perfectionism.
What is perfectionism anyway? The desire to achieve the best result, an attempt to do everything absolutely perfect. We will not go into the wilds of introspection, talk about childhood traumas or upheavals.
This is an ordinary feature of raising a child, which over the years can progress and result in such a state.
Modern psychotherapists believe that rooted in fear of punishment and desire for praise. If a person grew up in a family where they did not disdain physical punishment for the slightest offense, he may develop a purely subconscious fear of making any mistake in the future. Therefore, every deed, every decision made, every perfect deed, an already grown child will question. And doubting the result of his activities, he will begin to redo it again and again.
It is difficult to say something about labor productivity in such situations. And constant failure rarely makes someone good-natured or less irritable.
Perfectionists with iron nerves may exist, but science has not yet met them.
4 main signs by which you can understand who is in front of you.
Which behavior pattern characteristic of these diligent people?
- Think about your next steps for a long time in order to do everything correctly and spend a minimum of time and effort.
- Do not finish the job for as long as possible, seeing some flaws and trying to fix it.
- To take on one thing several times, leaving it halfway and returning to the beginning. In the event that the current result is not satisfactory. Those. almost always.
- Get irritated, angry, take out anger on the people around.
But such "ideal" perfectionist may not exist in nature, because each person has a set of other qualities of character that determine his behavior in general. If a person is decisive, he will not pore over plans for a long time, he will simply tinker with the practical implementation of the issue a little longer.
It’s easier for someone to start over, someone to bring things to mind on the basis of an existing base. So here, too, everything is different. But nervousness is characteristic of almost all fans of an unattainable ideal.
Is it possible to convince a person that he did everything well enough and you can safely move on to something else? No, but it is worth trying to change the grading system itself so that simply good or even satisfactory results are perceived at the level of that very ideal.
Perfectionism: a disease or a normal state of mind?
So the state is a variant of the norm or a pathology of personality development? If the situation is limited to a simple desire get the best result is one of the options norms. Waste of time, irritability, loss of productivity - all this can hardly be called normal or pleasant bonuses.
But you don’t have to worry too much about the state of a person, he is fully aware of the current state of affairs and does not experience any discomfort. It is pleasant for him to live and conduct his affairs in this way, it is very difficult to change the already existing state of affairs. Maybe it's impossible, and why is it necessary? After all, it does not bring any special trouble or danger to anyone. Decided to be close to such a person? That's when problems can arise, but they can also be solved.
Painful conditions.
There is also a pathological option, when a person finds any result other than the ideal unacceptable. No matter how perfectionist your friend would be, at some point he will understand that he will not do better and will simply give up.
When in a person you begin to notice the persistence with which he tries over and over again to do what he simply cannot do - this is first wake-up call.
It is impossible to call a perfectionist sick, this quality alone does not make a person insane. But thanks to this state, a person can get hung up on solving one problem, withdraw into himself, or even worse. Such people often have disturbing character traits, and there it is not far from depression and psychosomatic illnesses.
Surely you have noticed in yourself a desire to constantly put things off until later, not to start doing something right now. Usually this is due to laziness and the desire to relax, but for a perfectionist, the reason may be his self-doubt. Why get down to business now if you can’t do it 100%? When such thoughts begin to arise regarding simple household duties, more serious problems and violations arise.
In the presence of such symptoms, it is worth contacting a psychotherapist to avoid the development of more dangerous conditions.
Encouragement and attention in everyone's life.
So far we've only talked about fear, but what about that praise? Many children do not receive the attention they deserve from their parents or environment during childhood. Sometimes a person can have an inflated ego that cannot be satisfied with mere approval.
A minimum of attention or an inadequate assessment of reality leads to the fact that throughout his life a perfectionist strives to get as much attention as possible to his own person. And how can this be done? Yes, at least perfectly fulfilling their duties.
If the parents were too strict and constantly drummed that the main thing is to do everything well, with age, this quality is almost guaranteed to appear. But for such people it is not enough just to do their job well, because the main thing for them is the assessment of others. Therefore, any action is put on display, an atmosphere of a martyr or a first-class specialist is created around oneself. Here it depends on individual preferences. The absence of any reaction from society causes detachment or suppressed aggression in a person. But sooner or later these feelings will find their way out, at such a moment it is better not to be around.
The role of a perfectionist in your life.
In what aspects of life can you generally consider a perfectionist?
- Boss - a terrible option, in fact.
- subordinate - if we are talking about the norm, then this is the best choice.
- Husband - the worst possibility in pathological perfectionism.
- Any other family member.
meticulous chiefs you have probably met in your life. In the organizations where they work, there is always a high turnover of staff. There are always job descriptions that guide subordinates. But such a boss will require the performance of duties beyond any norm, sometimes not even paying much attention to common sense. Pedantry makes the workers look for a quieter place.
Worker suffering from perfectionism? Yes, this is a treasure for any boss, if labor productivity does not fall at the same time. After all, such a ward will make every effort to complete the task assigned to him. And he will consider this an absolute norm, without requiring any promotions, a simple praise is enough.
Perfectionist in family- not the most pleasant phenomenon. Depression and nervousness have never been positive aspects of personality. There is another serious nuance in the form of alcoholism. Men get drunk much more often and faster if they try to do everything in their life perfectly.
Disappointment is the cause or there are some other investigative connections - who knows?
It's just a fact, a man striving for the ideal is guaranteed to begin to apply to the bottle in a couple of decades, and maybe even earlier.
So what is a perfectionist? This is a person who is in dire need of your help and public approval. If he is close to you, you should not leave him alone with your thoughts and anxieties, depression does not lead to good.
Video about perfectionists
What is perfectionism in simple terms
Perfectionist, from the point of view of philosophy, is a person who is confident in the possibility of achieving the ideal and goes step by step towards it, over time correcting the outdated image of perfection. The famous Leonardo Da Vinci held similar views. Psychologists, on the other hand, call a perfectionist a person who not only acts out of the need to strive for the best, but also tries to eliminate any imperfection that, in his opinion, has no right to exist. One of the main properties inherent in him is exactingness and, as a result of his excessive expectations, constant dissatisfaction.
There are three types of behavior:
- to oneself, constant criticism of oneself and the desire for a “correct” image, which may be caused by the desire to fit the standards of society;
- to other people - he has extremely high requirements for them;
- to the world as a whole, being convinced of the need for a correct system of everything that exists.
Sometimes such behavior is called the “excellent student syndrome”, due to the extreme categoricalness of judgments - a grade lower than “excellent” is a symbol of carelessly and unprofessionally fulfilled obligations. Of course, striving for the absolute result of any business and concentrating on details can be very useful in your work and help you achieve excellent results. Concealment of bad personality traits and lack of any skills can be regarded in two ways. But what is certain is that a perfectionist will work on himself thoroughly.
Is this good or very bad?
But this is only one side of the coin, it must be said that there are also negative aspects of perfectionism. Exaggerated standards, lack of confidence in quality, paying attention only to mistakes do not allow him to be fully satisfied with the results of either his own or other people's work. Against this background, there are difficulties in interpersonal communication and even conflicts. All this happens because the perfectionist, in an attempt to improve things, makes critical remarks to others, sometimes quite harshly and intolerantly.
Most perfectionists have low self-esteem, which is why they are sensitive to criticism. They always want to meet the various expectations of others and misjudge other people about themselves. A sad consequence is severe mental conditions: apathy and depression, which manifests itself in an aggressive form. Even an ideal with its unattainability can lead to pathology.
At the end of the last century, scientists became interested in the origin of perfectionism in a painful form and its relationship with known mental illnesses.
Some believed, supporting Hamachek, that the origins should be sought in childhood, when parents taught that love must be earned by deed. Then the child either realized that he was valuable as long as he provided good results of activity, or in order to accept himself, who made incredible efforts for this. In some cases, bringing everything around to a better state is an attempt to avoid the discomfort of realizing imperfection.
Others, like Frost, have found a connection with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCD) - a disease that is an alternation of periods of obsession (obsessive and terrifying thoughts, memories) and compulsions (obsessive actions, like constant washing of hands, wiping furniture, etc.), with which he tries to distract himself. Recent studies have shown that in this case, it portends symptoms of depression that appear after 4 months.
Is it worth it to fight this way of life?
Psychotherapy, in addition to eliminating the causes that caused perfectionism, destroys the imaginary vision of oneself and helps a person acquire the ability to accept himself as real. Of course, the extremes of any, even a useful quality of a person, can harm both the person himself and the people around him. However, the pursuit of the ideal is the driving force of a perfectionist, like every genius. After all, attention to subtleties, perseverance and willingness to spend a huge amount of time for the sake of the result are the basis of success. You can avoid negative consequences by working on yourself:
- weaning from self-criticism and reducing the impact on oneself of criticism of other people;
- recognition of one's own mistakes and their inevitability, naturalness;
- getting rid of exhausting guesses about the opinions of others and getting rid of influence from other people's expectations;
- acceptance of the imperfection of the surrounding world and people;
- self-love: allowing rest and temporary deviations from plans and routines.
The result of such changes will be the preservation of the traits inherent in a perfectionist: responsibility, diligence, attentiveness, diligence. As well as the acquisition of new ones: self-confidence, calmness, goodwill and the ability to relax, encourage yourself.
