Entry #2624.
The reading was conducted by Kairat and Valentina Kinibaev.
Session duration is 1 hour 44 minutes.
Man, Kazakhstan (reading was done via Skype).
Q. What's wrong with his spine?
A. There are problems in the cervical and lumbar spine. There are minor changes in the thoracic region. Osteochondrosis in the cervicothoracic region, in the region of the 3rd lumbar vertebra. There is a right-sided protrusion.
Massage your entire back with honey and mumiyo. After this procedure, you can rub the problem areas with fir oil, and then wash off the residue. This relieves inflammation, increases blood circulation and the effect of massage.
Bulging. The fibrous ring is intact, it has not burst - it is a protrusion. Be sure to do exercises and cryotherapy - short-term exposure to cold, such as cold water. Every city has a Bubnovsky center. You need to attend for 1 month to know what load and what exercises to do for certain muscle groups, how to breathe correctly. After this, you can build a simulator at home and work out your muscles.
You need to strengthen your back muscles. Exercise helps flush out lactic acid, which forms in the muscles surrounding the spine and causes pain. Not rest, but movement is necessary to cope with this problem. To solve this problem, on average it takes 1.5-2 years of regular intensive training.
Promotes relaxation, circulation of energy throughout the body and spinal column, the practice of drawing energy through the legs. The impact on the subtle bodies will contribute to the fastest results. Do it like a quantum touch, and be sure to accompany it with visualization of how the energy twists in a spiral and heals the body. When you do this, you will physically feel warm.
Q. Does it feel cold at first, and then the warmth spreads?
Oh yeah. The practice is very easy to master, and he will succeed.
Q. What other problems does he have with his spine?
O. Osteochondrosis in the cervicothoracic region, age-related changes.
Q. Can I use the recipe with bay leaf once every 3 months?
Q. And do yoga exercises like the Eye of Renaissance?
Oh yeah. The spine needs to be stretched. The easiest option is to hang on the horizontal bar several times a day for a few seconds.
B. Condition of the joints.
A. There is a simple and effective way to help deal with many problems. Peanut butter massage. Buy cream with larkspur herb in the composition. You can also undergo alkalization of the body in courses once every 3 months, drinking soda in small quantities, the course is from 14 to 21 days, 1-2 times a day.
It's good for your joints to sit on a high chair and just dangle your legs. Joint gymnastics are movements that the body itself wants. The arms are like whips, the legs are completely free. For the arms and shoulder girdle, exercises are done while sitting, for the legs and feet - while sitting on a high surface. It is also a good emotional release and helps relieve stress.
The diet should contain foods that contain a lot of sulfur, which promotes the production of collagen and elastin. For example, eat any type of legumes. Take dietary supplements, especially during periods of vitamin deficiency, since vitamins A and C are needed by the skin and immune system. Use vitamin B complexes.
B. Genitourinary system.
A. The problems are related to the spine. He has to move around a lot, drive a car. This is an unnatural position for the spine and for the genitourinary system. The body is not in a physiological position. Congestion develops, which manifests itself in the form of leg cramps at night. Stagnation in the pelvic organs, there is an infection of an infectious nature. There is prostatitis, which worsens in spring and autumn, 1-2 times a year.
When waking up in the morning, do exercises that improve blood circulation. Rub your palms until slightly warm, massage each finger first on your right and then on your left hand. Then rub your palms, rub both ears thoroughly, massage the ears around the entire perimeter. Press your palms tightly to your ears and sharply tear your palms away from your ears. Sometimes there may be not very pleasant sensations. But these exercises are useful for the ear itself and for the circulatory system; it normalizes blood pressure. After this, do the cat exercise, massage the perineum for 2-3 minutes.
Q. How to massage the perineum?
A. There is an area of the body between the anus and the scrotum that needs to be massaged.
Q. Do you use your finger to make circular movements?
Oh yeah. And do the usual anti-prostatitis exercises. A useful recipe is to use unroasted pumpkin seeds, minced through a meat grinder, mixed with honey, in the form of rolled balls, at room temperature.
B. He is allergic to honey.
A. The daily intake is 30 pumpkin seeds. They are rich in zinc, which is necessary for the male reproductive system.
You can use tincture of aspen bark. Pour 100 grams of bark with 200 ml of vodka to cover the entire bark. Infuse for 10 days in a dark place, shaking occasionally. Strain and take 20 drops, adding to ¼ glass of water. 2-3 times a day half an hour before meals. The course is the entire resulting volume. After a month of break, repeat the course again.
Celery should be present in the diet. A salad made from tomatoes, herbs, and celery is good for men's health. Olive oil can be infused with celery roots. Place celery in a jar with butter and store it in the refrigerator. Season the salad with this oil. Eat walnuts, pine nuts, pistachios.
B. Look at the entire genitourinary system, including the kidneys.
O. Blood, blood vessels, kidneys. The blood is thicker than normal, there is a greater load on the kidneys, which creates high blood pressure. It is important to drink enough water.
A recommendation that will help solve many problems with blood pressure, blood vessels, joints, kidneys and liver. Take a 1.5 liter plastic bottle and make an 8 mm hole in the bottom. Sit down and breathe into the bottle, while holding your nose. Breathe for 15-20 minutes. If you need to swallow saliva, you need to empty your nose for this, and then breathe properly again. In this way, carbon dioxide accumulates, due to which the blood vessels naturally dilate and the pressure decreases. Just like after a good physical exercise, the blood vessels begin to dilate and the pressure naturally drops. At the same time, metabolic processes in the body are accelerated, which helps to reduce excess weight. Carbon dioxide formed in the blood is the condition that removes inorganic formations in the organs. The liver and kidneys are gradually cleansed of stones and toxins of inorganic origin. Manifestations with joints gradually disappear. Do this daily for 15-20 minutes, while you can watch TV. If there are problems, you can do visualization. Do this only in a sitting position. You can start with 5 minutes, gradually increasing the time. This is a simple and effective breathing trainer.
O. Recipe with millet, wheat decoction.
Q. Are there stones or sand in the kidneys?
A. There is sand in both kidneys.
Q. What should he do?
O. Drink wheat decoction. Drinking between 5 and 7 pm is the time when your kidneys are most efficient. The buds are most effective from late August to December. For a better recovery effect, it is better to do all procedures related to kidney cleansing during this period. The cranberry, which has bactericidal properties, is useful and can be added to millet porridge. Use this recipe in the morning for a month; it cleanses the kidneys and even breaks up stones.
Q. He has a hernia in the area just below his navel. Give recommendations.
A. The problem is in the intestines. You need to take good quality copper - either yellow or white, but better than ordinary copper, like old copper coins. Apply for 2-3 hours, secure with adhesive tape. You can use the same plate, you just need to rinse it with running water after each application.
You can apply any clay collected away from industrial enterprises and roads. Make clay appliqué cakes according to a well-known recipe. Use every day if possible.
B. Look at the condition of the liver.
A. There are changes in the liver associated with fat metabolism - fatty hepatosis. There is no cholecystitis yet, but the bile is thick, which can lead to problems in the future. Light cholagogues and herbs are needed. These could be liver herbal teas. Eat buckwheat, 100 grams of low-fat cottage cheese per day, rose hips, bran. We need B vitamins: B1, B6, B12. Take hepatoprotectors, such as Hepadiv, Fanetox.
Displace strong tea and coffee from your diet; it is better to drink loose green tea. Eat less fatty and fried foods. It is necessary to stimulate the gallbladder so that it releases bile into the intestines so that there is no stagnation. This is facilitated by drinking black cumin oil in the morning on an empty stomach 40 minutes before meals. You can alternate with olive and linseed oil.
Q. Look at the condition of his lungs.
A. He has no serious problems.
Q. Does he have a clear lymphatic system?
A. The lymphatic system cannot be clean even in a child.
Q. There are people whose it is completely clogged and no longer works.
A. He has no serious problems. Naturally, cleansing and stimulation are needed.
Q. What is the best way to cleanse his lymphatic system? It fails him.
A. The best option is to use oat decoction for 2-3 months.
Q. Or the Coral Club lymphogon?
Oh yeah. The method of breathing into a bottle will improve lung function.
Q. He wants to have his vision corrected. Does he need it?
A. The quality of vision can be improved without correction. This is facilitated by exercises that train the eye muscles - transverse and longitudinal. Blink your eyes, look diagonally, make circular movements. From time to time you need to give your eyes a rest by covering them with your palms. Breathe through your eyes. Train your vision focusing, stick a dot on the window, and focus either on distant objects or on the dot. All methods work, but they take a long time.
B. His left ear cannot hear. Is it possible to restore hearing?
A. This is a long-standing problem - the consequences of a cold, acute otitis media.
Q. It happened while hunting. After the shot it started ringing, I rushed to treat it a week later, but it was already too late. It can be fixed?
A. Do breathing exercises with a bottle. Rinse the nasopharynx with warm salt water, this helps to sharpen hearing, vision, and smell. You can use propolis tincture, which contains a large amount of macro- and microelements. Take 30% propolis tincture, or make it yourself. Mix with any vegetable oil. The oil must be disinfected. Take a metal bowl, pour a large amount of oil, place in a water bath, and boil for 30-40 minutes. Mix with the tincture at the rate of 1 part tincture – 4 parts oil. Make turuntudas from a bandage and insert them into the ear for 12 hours. Do this for 2 weeks. Then take a break for 2 weeks and repeat the course again.
Q. He wants to restore his hair and its thickness. There is a possibility?
A. The hair follicles are already lost. It can only be restored surgically. You can strengthen your hair follicles by improving blood circulation. Take a soft massage comb and make 100 massaging movements. Rub tincture of red hot pepper before washing your hair. Make masks using yolk and cognac, also rub in before washing your hair. Men should not worry about this. This is only a personal perception, but not a defect. This should be taken lightly.
B. He lives with a woman. What kind of person is she?
A. Energetic, active, sociable, sometimes gambling. Emotional and hot, capable of desperate acts. He will not allow himself or his loved ones to be offended. Able to quickly navigate and solve problems. She has a difficult character, which is due to her upbringing and traditions, although at heart she is a desperate woman. It’s hard to argue with her: irrevocable and principled on certain issues.
Sometimes decisions can be made spontaneously, succumbing to impulses and emotions. But the ardor passes, it cools down, and if she was wrong, she can ask for forgiveness. If disputes and conflicts occur, she tries to ensure that everything is resolved quickly. He doesn’t like resentment in himself for a long time, so if a problem arises, it is better to solve it immediately. He always tries to figure out what the point is and then calm down. Impetuous nature.
Q. Could Marat have an alliance with Catherine? Will he marry her?
A. They can interact. If you start a family, then she will strive to take control of all aspects of life. She is a flexible person and can adapt. She has an inherent desire to dictate her terms and get her way. Because of this, conflicts with Marat are possible. They can adapt to each other. Another question is how much Anna can accept her. He may find himself between two fires. If you start a family, tension can arise quickly. Catherine is not very compatible with Anna.
Q. Should they start a family? If so, how to improve the relationship?
A. The question is incorrect. The union will not be entirely successful; conflicts and adjustments will be inevitable. Marat can rebuild himself and remake himself, but Catherine does not want to change. They could accept each other, but the big question is with Anna.
Q. How can they learn to interact?
A. Catherine should make more efforts to establish contact with Anna. She needs to accept. Anna has a difficult character. When joining a family, it is important to establish contact. An adult is wiser and more flexible. Marat needs to show love and care for his daughter so that she does not feel forgotten and abandoned. Letting her know that he also has the right to happiness. It is necessary to remain neutral towards Catherine and Anna. Be guided by the principles of justice. If acute situations arise, try to bring them together so that they can solve these problems themselves.
B. It will be hard for them. Is it possible to talk to Ekaterina so that she can show understanding that Anna is going through a difficult period right now?
A. She understands and accepts everything. Now the situation is smooth and calm. But the point is that if there is a family, living together.
B. Anna will live separately.
A. In this case, an alliance is quite possible. It is necessary to avoid hassles and clashes that are possible when living together.
Q. Is a union possible?
Q. Will there be relationship advice?
O. Marat understands that Catherine is assertive and demanding. He is the owner, his home and his own hearth are important to him. He likes to patronize and take care. As a husband, he will show many aspects that a woman needs. He brings everything into the house for the family. The main thing is not to let it sit on your neck. You need to be able to put it down in a timely manner, and of course, do it gently. Such relationships need to be built from the very beginning. Catherine is characterized by assertiveness, so this moment needs to be adjusted immediately.
V. Marat transferred money to a company on the Forex exchange. Will the company operate stably for 5-7 years?
A. No, you need to be careful. There is a high probability of burning out. The company will only exist for a very short time. If it is possible to withdraw money, this should be done.
Q. There are many intermediaries working in Forex who work for 2-3 years, and when they collect a lot of money, they leave.
A. They build up volume and then collapse. This is a pyramid that works according to the same scheme.
Q. Should I definitely withdraw money?
Q. Is it not worth investing?
Q. How long will virtual money last...?
A. This will end in 6-7 months, at the beginning of 2015.
V. Marat wants to start processing tires and plastic using the prolysis method, as well as produce equipment. Should he do this?
Q. If he starts a business, will it be profitable and stable?
Q. How many years will it take for promotion?
A. It takes time to implement and develop. This niche needs to be filled as quickly as possible. The direction will develop intensively. It will take more than 2 years for this to improve and bring stable profits. And then the market will become denser and competition will increase.
There is an internal need for this, because this is a kind of sanitary cleaning, this is real help to people on a global scale. This direction is actively beginning to develop, and will continue to develop just as intensively in the future. He needs this, he will feel satisfaction, he has a desire to do this, this is his business.
Q. He is interested in alternative energy and alternative fuels. In what direction should we work to get results and realize success in business? Should he go in this direction?
A. This is a perspective on the future. Nowadays it’s difficult to implement something like this. This area will develop, but it will be problematic to deal with it now. This needs to be developed, it takes time. Now the business may stall and it will be difficult to promote it.
Q. In what direction should he proceed? Fuel and energy?
Oh yeah. Now it will be difficult to move forward to make the business profitable. You need to approach this not in the near future, but work for the future - take an interest, collect information, structure it. There must be gradual development, because there is some risk.
Q. Should he go into another business to get a good result?
O. Marat is attracted to serious projects. Small and medium-sized businesses must join large businesses. Its activities must be related to production, extraction or processing. This must be a serious and time-consuming process. There he would occupy his niche. Recycling and recycling is the direction where he should move. It is possible to purchase equipment for industrial enterprises, factories, serious and large-scale. He will be able to do this and will bring satisfaction. Purely male serious work in which he will feel normal. For your own development, self-esteem, self-affirmation.
Q. Will he be advised of a specific direction? What equipment should be supplied and where?
O. Agricultural machinery, spare parts. He has a good connection with the earth, so everything that somehow concerns this, he can develop and promote. Everything that is connected directly or indirectly with the earth is his.
B. He has a debtor. Will he ever pay him back?
Q. He has doubts about the seminar for Anna. Does she need to be at the seminar or not?
A. If she actively expresses a desire to go to the seminar, you need to talk with Kairat about what she wants to get as a result, what she would like to learn, or what to get rid of. She must have a clear intention, she must realize what she needs. She has a desire to communicate with a group of people with whom she will feel comfortable. If she is protected from this, she may develop hidden, unmanifest aggression. Some practices related to relaxation and internal self-control are useful for her, but some will not suit her. Extrasensory perception, channeling - she doesn’t need this now, she needs to be protected from this.
Q. When this happens, should she be told directly that it is too early for her? Can he study the trance state if he wants?
Oh yeah. It is necessary to clearly define what she wants and what she cannot.
Q. Doesn’t she need displacement yet?
Oh no. She is a smart and rational girl, so she doesn’t need it yet.
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Child age: 11
My parents raised my daughter, now the child doesn’t want to live with me.
Good evening, help me figure it out and give me advice on what to do. My daughter is 11 years old, her father initially abandoned her in the maternity hospital, it happened in 2008, I had a fight with my parents, they kicked me out of the door, and I couldn’t pick up my daughter because... there was nowhere to go. Then she got married and had a daughter. But the eldest categorically refused to live with me. Maybe her parents influenced her this way; in general, she lives with them all her life. I tried to persuade her, but she refuses to live with me. And then, 11 years later, her so-called “dad” showed up, they hid all this from me, that they communicate, I, of course, am categorically against it, in response to my complaints, I heard that it was none of my business, and so I didn’t meddle in their communication - that’s what my parents said. Help me understand the situation, tears are flowing, this is all (
Anastasia
Hello, Anastasia!
The situation is very complex and confusing, your question does not contain enough information, and besides, I do not fully understand the essence of your question. What exactly do you want to understand: why your parents behave this way? How to build relationships with them? Why doesn't your daughter want to live with you? How to establish contact with her? How to interact with the father of your first child? There may be a lot of questions arising from your situation, but you have not yet voiced a single one.
I dare to assume that you want to hear a solution to your situation, but there is not and cannot be a simple answer. The fact is that there are many actors in the situation, each of whom has their own motivations, values, attitudes, behavior patterns, etc. and everyone needs to deal with this. This process will be long and, most likely, painful, but if you approach the issue professionally, the resolution of the problem situation will be favorable.
The only thing I would like to recommend to you is to start unraveling the tangle from yourself. The fact is that no matter how your parents and daughter, your daughter and her father interact, you first need to build your own attitude towards all these people.
You need to get rid of resentment toward your parents, don’t express complaints, don’t create new conflict situations, try to talk about your own feelings without resorting to reproaches, for example, not “you’re annoying me,” but “I feel angry in response to this situation.” In this way, you can not only get a chance to be heard, but also reduce the tension in your relationship, get out of a state of confrontation and move on to solving the problem.
It is also necessary to establish contact with the child. Perhaps your daughter is angry and offended by you and does not understand what happened. Most likely, she has formed her own position, because a lot of time has passed, so you need to show that you are a safe person for her, you want to correct the situation and, relatively speaking, you have come in peace.
In any case, I strongly recommend that you seek a series of face-to-face consultations with a psychologist in order to get out of this situation correctly and painlessly. If no action is taken, there is a danger that relationship problems will develop to such an extent that it will be much more difficult to change the situation.
Love and take care of yourself and your loved ones, all the best!
Olga Dorokhova,
psychologist of the site “I am a parent”
, Children from first marriage
Good afternoon, tell me how to resolve a family issue related to my daughter and my husband. I got married a year ago, we comply. My daughter is 10 years old, my husband and daughter have a difficult relationship. He cannot find a common language with her, constantly makes comments to her, she tries to do everything and correct her actions, on which her husband makes specific comments. The child does not want to live in our family; she often cries because of my husband’s dislike. My husband has children in his first marriage, and the youngest is a daughter. He shows warmth towards her and says that since she is far from me, I am showing warmth. What should I do? This situation is heating up and disturbing shlom byte(peace in the family). Thank you. N.
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If a person changes his last name while his father is alive, is it a sin?
Rabbi Yakov Shub
He and his mother have been divorced for a long time...
Rabbi Boruch Kuperman
Rabbi Levi Gdalevich
Biography of Rav Boruch Kuperman (interview with his daughter Tzipporah Haritan)
Good morning. I'm asking for advice. I'm almost 23 years old. I have been dating a young man for a long time and for the last few months (3-4) the three of us have been living with my mother. He and I long ago decided to live separately as soon as finances allowed, and a couple of days ago we told our mother about this decision. Her reaction was a surprise to me.
Digression: I am the only and late child in the family, my mother has lived without a man for a long time, almost all my life the three of us lived (me, mother, grandmother), 2 years ago my grandmother died. My relationship with my mother has always been good; she always says that there were no problems with me, even as a teenager. I always try to help her, even when it’s a burden to me. She has been retired for several months (she was laid off due to redundancy).
Having learned the news about our move, the first day she simply walked around offended. On the morning of the second day, she came up to me in tears (which happens very rarely) and described in vivid colors that she was a lonely woman and asked not to leave me alone. She said that with our move, her life would end and in general its meaning would be lost. My arguments that we are not leaving her, that we are a young couple and want to build our home and our family together, she answered something like this: “Why can’t we live together all our lives. Everyone lives as a family under one roof, it’s great. Really I don’t have the right to live out my life with my children. Why should I then wake up in the morning. That is, you will leave and build your own house on a green meadow, and I will die alone in the apartment..."
I tried to explain to her that there were many opportunities around to entertain myself, that she was now living our life and that we would not be happy here. She called her arguments selfish, to which she pointedly remarked: “It’s clear, now asking for mercy is senile selfishness.” (At the same time, she is not quite 58).
Now we just don’t talk, she has made enemies of the people out of us. My boyfriend and I are now traitors. In my mind I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.
In general, I tried to describe the situation and ask for advice. How to break through the wall of prejudice and misunderstanding. How to move with peace of mind, knowing that your mother is feeling bad. Thanks in advance for your answer.
March 13, 2017
XuXun
Olesya Verevkina
XuXun, a psychologist will comment on the topic in a while.
There are many wonderful articles in our forum section. If time permits, you can look into it, perhaps some information will be useful.
March 13, 2017
Hello, I can chat.
XuXun, you describe situations that single women raising a child often experience.
In my mind I understand that this is manipulation, but my soul hurts.
Click to expand...
Yes, you may feel sad and worried about your mom.
I suggest you look at what is happening a little differently.
Let's “enter” my mother’s position: she is used to being with you, giving and receiving care. She made you the meaning of her life. It was her choice and you have nothing to do with it. By leaving, you are depriving her of her important needs. It is a fact. But - mom has the right to experience sadness and pain, she experiences these changes painfully. She needs to be given time. Any feeling, even the most unpleasant one, ends or becomes easier. Bottom line: Mom has a right to her sad feelings. You can sympathize with her (i.e. respond to her feelings), feel sorry for her. Talk about your feelings.
BUT - to build your life the way you want, to live separately - this is your right. You will even help your mother begin to think about her life, about her desires. You can tell your mother that you will help her and spend time with her sometimes. But you want to start your own family. And her support is important to you.
Bottom line: Mom has the right to be sad and feel the pain of separation, you can sympathize with her. Confirm your love with care and attention. But build your life the way you want. And tell my mom about it, “This is important to me...”
March 13, 2017
Hello. Thanks for the answer.
But I don’t even know how to convey my reasons to her. She just doesn't hear me. She doesn’t understand why we can’t be together. Why can’t we start a family in “our” house. I told her all this, to which she appeals to pity and duty or says meaningfully: “well, yes, I’ll wake up crying every day, talk only to the dog and die alone”...
And one more thing... How, after moving, to find that balance in which we will feel good and mom will not be lonely...
March 13, 2017
XuXun
Mom has the right not to understand, not to want, not to desire. It's her right. But this is not a reason for you to do as she wants. Affirm her right to want what she wants. “Yes, mom, you want me to be with you. You have the right to want. I see that you are sad... I sympathize with you. But I want to build my family relationships separately. We decided so, we want so, it's our choice"
And stop all conversations with your mother in which she starts making decisions for you.
Ask how it will be easier for her to cope with the departure? Calls in the morning and evening; Having tea together once a week; Go shopping together on the weekend? And agree that you yourself will be comfortable, what you are ready for. You have the right to say no. Let her know that you are ready to take care of her, BUT this does not concern your family life. It's taboo here!
If a mother chooses to die crying, it is very sad, but it is her own choice. She can make other choices.
March 13, 2017
Thank you very much for the advice. I will try.
Olga, hello. I now have the impression that my relationship with my mother is irretrievably destroyed. She considers me a traitor and talks through clenched teeth. It’s very difficult for me to communicate with her, I rather don’t even want to do it. I try to talk to her calmly, but it is very difficult. I'm afraid that our relationship will never improve. I don’t even know how to behave with her. I can't leave her either. Maybe you can advise something. Thank you so much in advance.
March 13, 2017
XuXun
XuXun, good evening.
my relationship with my mother is irrevocably destroyed
Click to expand...
If it is difficult for you with your mother, and your mother experiences the pain of separation, this does not mean that the relationship is destroyed. They are going through "hard times."
Answer the questions:
1. If you don’t take the situation of your difficult relationship now, how do you feel about your mother. In general... What qualities does your mother have that you like, are proud of, respect...
2. What does moving away from your mother mean to you? Why do you need it, for what?
3. What kind of relationship do you want with your mother? You to her, her to you, to your young family?
When communicating with your mother, what is important not to do! - do not make excuses, do not condemn, do not blame, do not give advice, do not lecture.
Let's create messages for mom that you will stick to!
It’s very difficult for me to communicate with her, I rather don’t even want to do it. I try to talk to her calmly, but it is very difficult. I'm afraid that our relationship will never improve. I don’t even know how to behave with her. I can't leave her either.
Click to expand...
Based on your text, you can make the following appeal to your mother: “Mom, it’s very difficult for me to communicate with you now, often I don’t even want to do it. But I’m sure that we can overcome the difficulties of traveling, because we love and respect each other. After all, I I know you like...(answers to question 1). It is important for me to live separately with my family, because...(answer to question 2) And this does not mean that I don’t love you and will not care. I want you to our relationship was...(answer to question 3).
Read it to yourself, “make it yours,” filling it with your feelings and experiences. And stick with it. It is important for you to show your mother calmness and firmness. This will help her survive separation.
considers me a traitor and talks through clenched teeth
Click to expand...
Just be a translator of your mother’s words: “Mom, it’s hard for you, you’re angry.” That's all. Mom has the right to express her feelings, she just uses different expressions.
March 25, 2017
Thank you very much for the advice.
March 25, 2017
Good afternoon.
My daughter, 17 years old, is in a difficult emotional state. She has no real friends, no young man who would like her. She says that she doesn’t want to live any further, that there will be nothing good in life. Recently, her body weight began to decrease sharply (51 kg, height 175 cm), and she cannot eat. Constant mood swings, often cries. Thinking about suicide. She suffers greatly from isolation from her peers; no one wants to communicate with her. She considers herself ugly and stupid. There were several attempts to make friends with different girls; the difference in interests did not allow us to communicate for a long time (my daughter does not smoke, does not drink alcohol, is not interested in gossip and discussing others, does not tolerate profanity, reads books, writes poetry, is an excellent student). There was a suicide attempt due to bullying at school. The school psychologist did not work with her - there was no time, then come tomorrow... The daughter says that she would like to have at least one person who would not be indifferent to her (parents do not count). We have a complete family, my father and I love her very much. I don't know how to help her. The situation is getting worse every day. She began to often suffer from headaches, low blood pressure, bad dreams, and panic attacks. There is no psychotherapist in our city. I really need help. It’s already bad for everyone. Next year is very difficult for her, 11th grade, Unified State Exam, admission to university. I tried to talk to her about the topic that everything was passing, that there would still be a lot of good things in life. She doesn’t want to listen, she says that she doesn’t need anything, no studies, no family and children, no first love. There is nothing to live for. How to change the situation? How to switch it to something else, positive?
Answers from psychologists
Natalya, good afternoon.
Watching your child develop such severe symptoms is very difficult and scary. It is quite understandable that you are trying to switch her, but the whole paradox is that, to begin with, the daughter wants to be understood and accepted in those complex experiences that now fill her existence.
It is incredibly difficult or even impossible for parents to do this, since most of their daughter’s problems have roots in the family situation in which she grew up. I don’t mean that you are to blame for something, but the point is that, for example, you, on the contrary, are too exciting and caring where it is excessive, and are “blind” where the girl needs support. From within the family system, it is impossible to discern the errors in the functioning of the system of your relationships.
Inevitably, with such symptoms, the help of professional specialists is needed, and first of all this is a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist (possibly other doctors) and together with them a psychologist. Only after a medical examination and the appointment of adequate treatment, it is advisable to start working with a psychologist, or at least do this at the same time.
It is useless to count on the help of a school psychologist. They have completely different tasks and capabilities, including competence.
If there is no psychologist in your city who works with similar problems, then your daughter is old enough to work on Skype.
I hope I answered your question clearly and in detail. If you have any more questions, please contact us.
Your Psychologist, Gestalt therapist. Consultations in St. Petersburg and Skype
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Natalya, hello!
Natalya, frankly speaking, according to what you wrote, I doubt that your daughter will withstand such a psycho-emotional load of a “good girl” without “bad habits and friends”, an unhappy child.
Astheno - a neurotic syndrome, as the body's response to overload, in our time, alas, is no longer news. Inflated demands and expectations from parents, immediate environment, and school have made the life of an “excellent student” dependent on norms, rules, and social time.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling for unbridled behavior, it's just that not everyone smokes, well, believe me, not everyone smokes!
Why didn't your girl meet people with common interests? Why does the child suffocate from the load, how could this even happen? These are the few questions that are not answered in your letter.
Discuss this with the girl!
It’s easier for a tomboy to live and find solutions, it’s easier to enjoy life, to be happier here and now, and not in the distant future, right?
"Pepi Longstocking", a book and film for your whole friendly family, followed by a discussion of how a wonderful girl managed to find solutions to complex problems https://youtu.be/2vmftGxEPTQ-How do our desires depend on values? Let's look at examples from cartoons!
If a girl attempted suicide, that means the child is registered with the PND, right?
You can safely contact the psychotherapist supervising her.
Psychologist, psychologist-kinesiologist, coach for parents of children and adolescents
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Good afternoon
Natalya, it is important for you to remain in balance. Friendly relationships in the family, with my daughter, are of course a great value. -Be in balance with yourself and distinguish between yourself and Others
If you are considering the possibility of psychotherapeutic sessions remotely, suggest it to your daughter. This coursework can provide good onboarding experience. Contact us.
Sincerely,
Alla Kudryashova, support for starting changes, adaptation, working via Skype
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Natalya, good afternoon!
Seeing a child lose interest in life and make a choice in favor of death is unbearable.
And for your daughter, too, something in her life was so unbearable that the only way out she saw was to die. She doesn't seem to have coping mechanisms. This may indicate some kind of early trauma, when a child observes or participates in a situation where feelings are off the charts, and he does not know how to cope with them, and adults at this moment have no time for him. Moreover, for adults this situation can be quite normal, but no one knows how a child reacts to it and why exactly that way. Until the time comes to deal with it. And it comes at a time when the psycho-emotional load goes off scale. And this happens precisely in high school, when the growing body is exhausted from academic loads, among other things.
The presence of such trauma is revealed in individual psychological work. I agree with my colleagues that here it is necessary to involve a psychiatrist and the sooner the better.
But admitting that your child is sick can also be unbearable for the mother and father. Often, out of false shame, parents do not consult doctors on time, hiding many facts not only from others, but also from themselves. Because it is very scary to look into the future with a sick child.
And therefore, along with helping children, parents themselves need help and support.
In their individual work, parents can first of all reduce the importance of those qualities that they instilled in their child during their upbringing, those ideal character traits when the child becomes comfortable, but thanks to which he cannot adapt to a normal, non-ideal life.
When a parent manages to lower his expectations and learn to trust his children, everyone becomes better off.
In your case, psychological work needs to be carried out in parallel with both you and your daughter. Only joint work can give a good effect.
Look for a specialist for yourself first.
Karpova Lyudmila, psychologist Zelenograd, Moscow
Good answer 2 Bad answer 0 
Good afternoon
Natalya, your daughter needs the help of an intelligent psychologist.
As a matter of fact, if a teenager cannot understand some subject, then they negotiate with a tutor. If he cannot understand himself and his relationships with others, the same regular work is needed, only, unlike a subject tutor, I prepare “for the most important exam” - for life. At regular meetings, we discuss various situations, experiences, think about how to understand and act correctly in a given situation.
The daughter says that she would like to have at least one person who would not be indifferent to her (parents do not count).
In fact, this is a “request for psychotherapy,” and I act as such a person for a teenager. Come, the initial consultation is usually carried out in a joint family format, then the work goes on with the teenager and what we discuss cannot, on my part, be taken out of the office doors. But sometimes at this age teenagers initially come to me on their own, without their parents, by prior agreement with me.
Offer your daughter this option, come for a consultation!
The main thing is not to let her fall into a deep depression, on the edge of which she already stands - because then it is very, very difficult to get out of there, sometimes it becomes a “problem for the rest of her life.”
Good luck to you!
Pyotr Yurievich Lizyaev, psychologist-psychotherapist
Face-to-face consultations/psychotherapy in Moscow - individually and in a group, as well as via Skype.
