“My daughter doesn’t want anything, she’s not interested in anything,” complains the mother of 14-year-old Ekaterina. “He doesn’t read, doesn’t go for walks, sometimes plays computer games or listens to music on headphones.” The mother of 11-year-old Yegor echoes her: “As soon as he returns from school, he sits down at the computer, plays until the night and communicates with someone there, he doesn’t even go out for a walk. If I reproach him, he objects: “I’m doing my homework.” I don’t know what to do, but it worries me.”
This kind of concern and anxiety is familiar to many parents. Their children, especially preteens and teens, don't want to do anything. They sit in their room, watch TV, play computer games, do not want to talk, reducing all communication exclusively to messages on social networks. What can you do here? How do you convince a clearly unmotivated child to do anything? How to resist the passivity that modern technology supports?
Putting pressure on a child, shaming him and reprimanding him is obviously useless. But this does not mean that parents are completely helpless. Let's try to look at the situation not as educators, but as researchers.
“Imagine that motivation is not an internal quality, not the engine inside the child that shapes behavior, but rather the result of the interaction of the environment, the child’s temperament (a biological characteristic inherent in him from birth) and his personality. For example, some people constantly need novelty, some don't, some are much more outgoing, and some are withdrawn,” suggests Alan Kazdin, PhD, director of the Yale Parenting Center and Children's Clinic. He also makes two important points:
- Lack of activity and peculiarities of attitude towards life do not remain unchanged and unshakable;
- The situation at home and the actions of other people can greatly influence a child's motivation.
What exactly is the problem?
Reluctance to do something, lack of motivation can have many reasons, including both external and internal. So before we draw conclusions, let’s try to figure out what exactly we consider a lack of motivation. Alan Kazdin lists several factors to consider.
1. Free time
Having free time is not only normal, it is absolutely necessary. Many children's lives are overly scheduled, overly busy with different things, and often they cannot afford the luxury of simply doing nothing and daydreaming for at least an hour. However, the child needs free time.
Do not give in to the desire to plan every minute of his life, do not be afraid of periods of what may seem to you to be an unconstructive, unproductive pastime. Let the child do it. Better yet, make special time for this in his schedule.
It's great if you both have the opportunity to spend some time together without specific tasks and deadlines. You can discuss something interesting, just chat about trifles, play cards, admire the clouds - do whatever you want at this moment.
2. Housework
During preteen and teenage years, children often lose interest in household chores. During this period, the child is focused on communicating with peers. They listen to the same music, wear similar clothes, joke about the same topics. They tend to have contempt for all adults.
In this case, the lack of motivation to do household chores is absolutely natural. If before this time you have managed to develop a certain order and traditions in the house, for example, having lunch and dinner together, doing some household chores, going out somewhere, then it is much easier to continue to do this even when a small child turns into a teenager. This helps the child participate in family life.
3. Signs of depression
One situation that should cause you concern is when a child who has always been active, outgoing and interested suddenly becomes lethargic, sits at home, does little to nothing and shows no interest in any activities. These changes in behavior may be a sign of depression. This is not the only reason, but one of the possible ones. Therefore, it is important to pay attention to what the child says about himself.
If his comments express a negative assessment of himself (“I can’t do anything right”) or the world around him (“There’s nothing interesting anymore”) or hopelessness about the future (“this will end just as bad as always”) , this is a serious cause for concern.
He may become more irritable and sensitive than usual, and his eating and sleeping habits may change. Even seemingly humorous comments in between, like “I wish I was dead,” are important to take seriously if they are repeated. If you have any doubts, be sure to consult a professional psychologist.
4. Absent-mindedness
It is also possible that your child cannot concentrate, and this is what appears to be a lack of motivation to you. In this case, the cause is not necessarily a lack of interest or a depressed mood. Probably, the whole point is in difficulties with voluntary attention: the child is simply physically unable to perform the same task for more than a few minutes, he immediately switches to another, then another. This can happen at home, at school, or anywhere else.
A child’s social circle and activities are much narrower, so children take problems in some areas more seriously.
Everyone has trouble focusing from time to time, so you need to find out how often this happens. Very often, such children are rushed to be diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, but this is not the only reason for this behavior. If a child experiences difficulties of this kind, it is better to consult a qualified specialist.
5. Stress
Lack of motivation can also be a reaction to stress. Adults often don't even consider this possibility. For some reason, it seems to them that children cannot have stress. But a child’s social circle and activities are much narrower, so children take problems in some area of their life much more seriously.
A child's reaction to stress can look like depression, and it often occurs in response to certain events. For example, if some relationships with peers are broken, this can be very traumatic for the child, even if this does not involve divorce or litigation. This can also include ridicule from peers (for being overweight, for falling behind in some subject). An event that seems trivial to us can turn into a serious problem in a child’s life.
6. Lack of motivation in general or in a specific area?
Lack of motivation and apparent laziness may concern a specific aspect of a child’s life. For example, children who are teased or bullied at school may take a long time to get ready in the morning and show a lack of interest in learning. They seem to be barely dragging their feet, they just can’t pull themselves together. This often irritates parents very much, but here you need to think about whether the child has no motivation at all, or is it connected specifically with school, because something unpleasant happens there for him?
Or it often happens that children who have difficulties with their studies act as if they are not trying at all. In fact, they may no longer try, because it already seems useless to them. If the lack of motivation relates specifically to school, you need to find out if the child has problems with school and understand what exactly is happening to him.
What can be done?
Even if endlessly asking your child to stop sitting still and do something doesn't bring any results, that doesn't mean you can't change anything.
To begin with, you can limit the time your child spends on the computer or phone. You must do this without aggression, but very firmly, because passivity, actively supported by modern technology, can nullify all attempts to kindle interest in anything.
Of course, if a child spends a lot of time with fellow geniuses, assembling computers from spare parts and speaking in their own invented language, then this is a completely different matter. This is already an interest, not a distraction from interests.
The alarm clock rings - it's time to get up. I have pictures in my head of what needs to be done today. As usual: get up, go to the bathroom, have breakfast, get dressed and start living a new day. With all the problems, noise and responsibilities. And all this makes you want to close your eyes and fall back into sleep - a wonderful haven of tranquility. Because there is nothing interesting in the coming day. However, as in the previous one. And the body simply does not find the energy to act: the alarm clock rings and rings, and we delay the moment of getting up. Until the last possible minute, or even further, when it is no longer acceptable to be late. And then - you can completely give up on everything in the world and stay in bed all day: I don’t want anything, nothing is interesting, why do you need to live at all, who came up with this? And it seems that there is only one problem: sooner or later you will still have to get up and go where you need to, but don’t want to. But in fact, this is just the tip of the iceberg, the “subconscious” part of which we are not even aware of.
Why do you sometimes (quite often) have the feeling that there is nothing interesting in life?
How can you cope with the feeling of not having even the slightest bit of interest in life? How to find the strength to still live?
What to do to make life full of joy, and not a state where you don’t want anything and nothing is interesting?
Not all people experience periods of “nothing-wanting-nothing-interesting” in their lives, but those who know about them first-hand usually say that they accompany them throughout their lives. And at school, and at college, and at work, and in retirement. Nothing changes. Some people say just that: I have a condition as if there is cotton wool inside - I don’t want to do anything, and everything I do, I do mechanically, as if on an automatic machine.
Other people tend to define this state as laziness. Those who have never experienced anything like this are especially categorical in this judgment: as if wound up, they cheerfully rush towards their goal - they study, go to work, get married, get carried away and have fun, and all this is interesting to them. They scold those who don’t want to live, let alone breathe, and give recommendations on how to overcome such negative conditions, usually making diagnoses and labeling them.
But what can we say about others if we ourselves, sufferers of the “wanting nothing” syndrome, are looking for the causes of such conditions in our negative character traits. We scold ourselves for being lazy, apathetic, and depressed. We think that we need to finally change our job to something we love more, or that we need to complete things that have been put off for months (or even years). All this, of course, does not add optimism. Moreover, drowning in all this, we cannot find a solution to the problem. Because we don’t even think that unloved work, laziness, depression, etc. - this is only a consequence, not a cause.
Do not want to livebecause nothing is interesting! What to do?
In fact, the feeling of lack of “something you don’t understand” has absolutely precise reasons. When we do not have any specific lack, for example, we would like a better job, family, children, love, money, etc. When everything seems to be fine, but you don’t want anything, then the root of the problem should be sought not in general attitudes or stereotypes about laziness, but, perhaps, in the peculiarities of the sound vector. What if it's all about the sound?
Modern sound engineers are very susceptible to just this condition: they don’t want to do anything, there is no goal in life, there is no interest in anything. The reason for this is special desires that lie deep in the subconscious of the sound artist. They often feel life as meaningless, and therefore as one in which there is nothing interesting. This feeling arises for the reason that the sound player has wish that other people don't have. This is the desire to understand meanings. Behind every action, behind every word and deed, there must be an answer “why is this?” And when there is no such answer, it’s a disaster.
“You have to go to work. Why? Well, to earn money. Why? Well, to afford all the benefits of life. What’s the point? Who needs it if I’m going to die anyway?”
The sound guy is no different from other people on earth in that he is lazy. It’s just that others don’t have this additional desire to comprehend. They just go to work, just have babies, just do normal things and enjoy life. It never occurs to them to ask the question: Why is all this even necessary? Of course, they have other problems in life: for example, envy, resentment, anger, slander, etc. But all this can be overcome - that’s why they quarrel, make peace, fight, love each other, and so on in a circle, for centuries and millennia. But the sound engineer can’t do that. He sits under the dome of his depression - his lack in the form of the question “why?”, but not seeing the answer to it, he feels life is meaningless.
In fact, there are meanings behind everything, behind our every action. But where to look? The sound artist searches, gets carried away, but is just as quickly disappointed. It seems that there is nothing interesting in the world, that everything is primitive and unnecessary. Further more - when there is no meaning in life, a person feels this whole life as a continuous heaviness. That is, it is necessary to constantly overcome oneself, to find the effort within oneself for an action that does not bring pleasure.
It is not surprising that against this backdrop, suicidal thoughts may come to mind from time to time, and then often - since there is no meaning in life, then why not end it ahead of time? I want more and more to get rid of the hated body, which only hurts - it constantly demands to go to the toilet, then feels hungry, then gets sick.
When a sound engineer doesn’t have answers to his questions, he not only can’t do anything, he doesn’t get stuck in a state where he doesn’t want anything and nothing is interesting - he loses the opportunity to live altogether.
Or it could be different!
If the sound artist finds meaning, that is, comprehends his life, the lives of other people, begins to understand WHY all this, where it came from and where it is going, then his sense of life changes dramatically. There is no more cheerful and optimistic person than a sound artist filled with meaning.
And here vital energy appears, the desire to communicate with people, unravel their essence, find all these meanings and go further and further, in order, in the end, to comprehend not the life and actions of one person or group of people, but to understand the meaning of the life of all humanity , the foundations of the universe, the reasons for the creation of the universe. A person who thinks about all this will never have the feeling that he is not interested in anything in life, that he is tired of everything, that he wants to die. He will never say "leave me alone!" and “I’m tired,” on the contrary - every minute of his life is felt by him as a gift.
There is a way out - it is also an entrance: this is the knowledge of the unconscious!
Today, every sound person already has the opportunity to fill himself with what he lacks - meaning. It is enough to study the latest research about
17 years. I’m not interested in anything, I don’t do anything, I’m not interested in anything. I don’t read books, don’t watch movies, don’t listen to music. I don’t go anywhere and I’ve almost never been anywhere, I don’t go anywhere, I don’t remember anything. I have one close friend online, but in real life I don’t communicate with anyone at all. The situation in the family is not rosy. Parents don't want anything from life. Dad disappears all day at work, and upon returning he is glued to the TV/computer. Mom doesn’t work, she stays at home all day and does something, although she fusses and itches more and more, driving me crazy over every occasion. What worries her most is the scratch on the door, and because I didn’t say hello to my classmate while accompanying her to the store, she can nag me for hours. On weekends, when both parents are at home, they bark like dogs all day long. Mat, mutual insult of their parents, assault - within the normal limits. Going to the cinema a couple of times a year is the limit of family entertainment. I have no freedom, my mother completely controls even the few steps that I can take at all. Moved to 11th grade. I don't know any subjects. I have no knowledge other than basic literacy. Regarding the future, I decided to enroll in law school, although this direction does not attract me at all, like any other. I don’t know the required subjects, that is, history and society, even at an elementary level. I recently started trying to teach, but it’s not working out very well. I used to dream of leaving to enroll in the capital and start a new life, because I don’t want to stay here anymore and study in a sharaga, where there is little point in studying at such a faculty. My parents don’t mind, but only if I can get by on a budget. There is no support or interest in my admission. But because of laziness and apathy, I did nothing for a long time. Now I understand that with my knowledge and less than a year of preparation time, the success of such a project is doubtful. In short, I'm a hole and a stupid person from all sides. What to do? Do such noobs have a future?
There is! look - everything is there!
In short, become a specialist in some kind of activity, then become an entrepreneur
P.S. If, of course, you want to fundamentally change your life and not remain a noob...
it's hard when you don't have a goal
After reading all this I saw a picture: you are like a poor plant. I have not been looked after, watered, or fertilized... It seems to be reaching for the light, but I have no strength. You were not filled with love, that’s why you are so lifeless... You need to get this energy and love somewhere.. You can be filled with meaning by Jesus, VPM was not lucky with parents on earth, but UAM is the Heavenly Father. You look for an opportunity, you see a problem, that's why you found this one. The site and decided to write here. This is very good. You have potential, there is a lot of work to do, but you can do it, you are not alone. Many people have problems, someone has lost a loved one, someone has become disabled, someone was left in a maternity hospital, someone is sick with an incurable disease, and someone is losing everything because of the war, becoming homeless only because their house was destroyed..
There are situations where we can do little, but there are situations where we must fight! You must fight, you must grow, you must become the person you are proud of! You are a man and you. You can change the world so that there are more good people in the world. One day, you will meet someone who will feel very bad, and you can. help him only because they themselves have gone through difficult years. This will harden you and make you wise and strong. Be happy! Everything will be fine!
AND
you look so much like your parents))
As they say, an apple from an apple tree...
Yes, I see you are a literate person, so there is no need to talk about yourself that you don’t have basic knowledge. If you want, you will have everything.
Move away from your parents, make friends, experience life with them, lead a vibrant youth. otherwise you’ll really regret later that you wasted golden time in your life on bullshit.
In your case, the army is not a bad choice, your parents are far away, they will always find something for you to do, you will get a specialty, and you will always be dressed, shod and fed.
Time to change. Write yourself goals for the future and start working on them. There is such a thing as a smart goal. look on Google. Why do you need law school if you're not interested? Maybe you'll think that you're actually interested. but no one will help you except yourself. It's time to pull yourself out of the swamp.
Everyone has a future, the only question is what? At any moment you can decide to change and change your own life. And believe me, a year is a huge time, you can move mountains, you can do a lot in one month. The only question is which way to move and at what speed. Many parents are not angels, believe me, what you described is extremely common, but people don’t talk about it much, don’t blame your parents, they are who they are, they want to be happy just like you, but they don’t know how and can’t. CAN YOU!!! You and only you are responsible for your life. You can learn a foreign language in two to three months. What items do you have there? Choose a university, choose a specialty, CHOOSE YOURSELF! And start preparing every day in all your free time. The fact that you are not interested in anything, are not interested, do not communicate, do not look - is only to your advantage, you have a lot of free time that can be spent usefully. It’s scary not to go to the capital to enroll and live alone, but it’s scary to continue to live as you live, drifting in your own apathy. Good luck!
The first thing I advise you is to leave home after finishing school, because such an atmosphere is generally not very conducive to any aspirations and development. It’s very interesting what you do all day long if you don’t study or read/watch/etc. Do you just sit and stare at the wall? What are you talking about with your friend if you are not interested in anything at all? It is very strange.
You can fully prepare for the tests in a year if you want. Humanities subjects are not difficult to memorize at a fast pace. You just need to choose what you want to study, what your soul is about. There is also the option of finding a job and working for a year, thinking about what you want to do. If only they wouldn’t accidentally draft him into the army.
There is a future, you just need to think about how you want to see it.
Eat!! You had enough strength to write all this here, that is, you have the desire and strength to get out. But maybe it's all just words and bravado.
There can only be one piece of advice - get busy. Which one? I don't know you and I can't decide for you, but this is the only thing that can help. Nowadays there are a lot of different kinds of volunteering - try it and maybe something in your life will change.
You see the question that one of the users of the site asked the Universe, and the answers to it.
Either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites, answer.
Our project was conceived as a way of psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from “similar” people and learn from “very different” people what you don’t yet know or haven’t tried.
Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?
We often prepare ourselves for mental trauma when we simply ignore the signs that we are not interesting to someone who is interested in us.
We often prepare ourselves for mental trauma when we simply ignore the signs that we are not interesting to someone who is interested in us. We invest so much in these relationships that every month, or even year, it becomes more difficult for us to admit that nothing will work out. But you deserve more. And you can have it. If you don't settle for less. If you don’t take it as love that another person just spends time with you.
Here are the signs that the object of your love, unfortunately, is not interested in a relationship with you:
1. He doesn’t get in touch first, and if he does occasionally, he only writes and doesn’t call.
2. He goes with the flow and doesn’t want to develop your relationship or move to the next level.
3. He keeps you a secret and doesn't introduce you to anyone.
4. He appears only when he needs something from you: help, money, attention, sex. If you remember all his calls and messages, then this was just a preamble to something.
5. He makes plans with you at the last minute. Even if it's 2 am.
6. He may create drama so that you get the hint and dump him yourself, freeing him from responsibility.
7. And when you leave him, after a while he gets in touch to make sure that you are still on his hook. Don't flatter yourself - he doesn't want you back. He's just feeding his ego.
8. He doesn't break up with his girlfriend/wife (and vice versa). But he wants you to wait for him.
9. He constantly makes excuses for why he can't do things for you and your relationship.
10. You have no dialogue: a person either talks a lot about himself, but is not interested in anything from you, or listens only to you, but does not tell anything about himself.
11. He says that he loves you, but is not ready for a relationship, that he is not right for you, that you are too good for him, etc. and so on.
12. He often goes missing, preferring to live life on his own terms, do what he likes, and only meet you when he needs, is comfortable and wants to.
13. He doesn’t make plans for the future, or vice versa - he likes to fantasize, just to get what he needs from you now.
14. He treats you with disrespect, tries to control you, and is too jealous. This is not love. This is a thirst for power over you.
15. He is so “busy” that he doesn’t have time for a relationship. This does not happen if a person is really interested in something.
Question to a psychologist
Why am I so amorphous, why nothing interests me. I'm not doing anything useful. I just snap at home, but behind closed doors I’m in the clouds, watching cartoons, movies and playing. I'm not stupid, no matter what. It’s only thanks to this that I stay afloat at the university, because I don’t do homework at all. Well, I can’t bring myself to do that, that’s all. I immediately feel sleepy, then I go to the shower, then I reach for the refrigerator. Irresponsible and at work.
It is quite possible that I am spoiled, but my family is average, I grew up in the village. It’s hard to call me a white-handed person at all.
Lately it has become generally unbearable to maintain contact. And this despite the fact that everyone considers me a kind and cheerful guy! But it’s just hard for me to watch how others achieve something, are passionate about something, are interested in something. I’m getting fat at home, I left social networks and threw away my phone. And self-digging only makes things worse...
Help for God's sake...I also want to enjoy life like others.
Answers from psychologists
Hello, Alexey!
Indeed, a serious problem.
And you can try to start by formulating the phrase “Nothing interests me” as “I am not interested in anything.” This is the first.
Then - think, when exactly, at what point in your life did you begin to become like this? And what contributed to this? What kind of resistance to your own active actions and interests once settled in you? What is this internal “no” and where did it come from? This is the second step.
The third step is to imagine what you want to become, how to change in order to enjoy life. Present it not in general terms, but quite specifically. This will be your goal.
After that, think about how you will move towards this goal. Do you need an assistant, and if so, how will you find one?
And - off we go!
Good luck!
Good answer 2 Bad answer 7Hello, Alexey. Once upon a time, in early childhood, your parents subjugated you and did everything for you for half a day. You were forbidden to wish for anything, since they did everything for you and knew what you needed. Therefore, you don’t know your desires and you don’t know how to follow them. Studying is necessary for you, therefore, you study poorly for yourself. At the same time, when you did not live your life, your self-esteem fell, since you have no achievements to be proud of. Due to low self-esteem, you avoid communication, considering yourself not as cool as others. And in the future everything can only get worse. You need to start living from the word Hchu and at the same time increase the status of your importance in your eyes. Be able to feel strong, capable, advanced, easy-going, flexible .Then communication will bring pleasure, and studying will bring interest and meaning. If you can’t overcome this yourself, contact us.
Good answer 21 Bad answer 2
