Recently, in our city (including the country), the problem of neglect and delinquency among minors has become acute. How many boys of teenage age and primary school age can be seen on the streets of the city, hanging around idle, begging, sniffing glue and other toxic substances. At this stage of development of our society, this is a very global social problem that needs to be addressed by identifying the causes.
A modern teenager lives in a world that is complex in its content and socialization trends. This is due, firstly, to the pace and rhythm of technical and technological transformations, which impose new demands on growing people. Secondly, with the rich nature of information, which creates a lot of “noise” that deeply affects a teenager who has not yet developed a clear position in life. Thirdly, with the environmental and economic crises that have affected our society, which causes children to feel hopeless and irritated. At the same time, young people develop a sense of protest, often unconscious, and at the same time their individualization grows, which, with the loss of general social interest, leads to selfishness. Teenagers, more than other age groups, suffer from the instability of the social, economic and moral situation in the country, having today lost the necessary orientation in values and ideals - the old ones are destroyed, new ones are not created.
In these conditions, the traditional generational conflict, the “problem of fathers and sons,” appears, perhaps, especially clearly. It seems significant in this regard that adults who are directly interested in the full personal development of adolescents and who are called upon to provide appropriate conditions for this development (teachers, parents, practical psychologists) often have distorted, inadequate ideas about the problems of the younger generation. Some of these problems are clearly exaggerated, while others, no less acute, are, on the contrary, obscured and remain unattended by adults. As a result, some adults consider almost all teenagers to be drug addicts and alcoholics, potential criminals, racketeers and prostitutes, while others try not to notice new trends in the development of modern youth.
Therefore, it is important to know the real problems of adolescents in order to obtain a unique socio-psychological portrait of a modern teenager.
Chapter I. Theoretical aspects of adolescence.
1. 1. Youth as a special socio-demographic group.
The transition to a market economy caused significant changes in the social status of various groups of the population, including those that were traditionally considered bearers of advanced ideas. One of the main places in the new conditions belongs to young people. The social guidelines it chooses will largely determine the future of society.
Youth is characterized by those social relations and social forms that define it as an independent (relative to others) socio-demographic group. Youth, as a special socio-demographic group, has a number of characteristics that arise primarily from its very objective essence. The social characteristics of young people are determined by the specific position that they occupy in the process of reproduction of the social structure, as well as the ability not only to inherit, but also to transform existing social relations, i.e., the potential essential forces of a young person. The contradictions that arise within this process underlie a whole complex of specific youth problems.
Youth, as an emerging subject of social production, is also characterized by the special content of the personal, objective and procedural aspects of concrete historical existence. Such a manifestation of the social quality of young people is associated with the specifics of their social status and is determined by the laws of the socialization process in specific social conditions.
The specific living conditions of young people determine the characteristics of youth consciousness, the dialectical unity of the structural elements of which forms the incentive and motivational essential forces of youth. Within this unity, a variety of contradictory determinations arises, mediating the specificity of their relationship to the surrounding reality and the motivation of social activity.
The listed manifestations of the social quality of youth in the process of development transform into one another, mutually complement each other, determining its social essence, which is realized through activity.
Thus, youth are a special socio-demographic group experiencing a period of formation of social maturity, whose position is determined by the socio-economic state of society.
The boundaries of youth are fluid. They depend on the socio-economic development of society, the achieved level of well-being and culture, and people’s living conditions. The impact of these factors is really manifested in the life expectancy of people, expanding the boundaries of youth age from 14 to 30 years. The lower age limit is determined by the fact that it is at this age that a teenager first gets the right to choose socially: continue his studies at school, enroll in a technical or humanities college, lyceum, or go to work. By the age of thirty, a person, as a rule, reaches professional maturity, the formation of his family is completed, and he occupies a certain position in society.
Young people make up 41% of Russia's working-age population.
22.3 million young people are employed in the national economy. However, the share of young people among those employed in the national economy is constantly declining, especially among workers in industry, construction and transport. In connection with the structural changes taking place in the economy, the share of young people in the non-productive sector is growing, and this requires changes in the structure of their labor training and retraining. The number of young people in rural areas has decreased by 19% over 10 years and amounts to only 18.5% of the rural population of Russia.
The introduction of market relations has exacerbated the problem of social security in the world of work. Young workers are the first to be laid off and join the ranks of the unemployed. By the beginning of 1996, unemployment in Russia reached (according to official data) 2.3 million people or 3.2% of the economically active population; 38% of all unemployed are young people under 30 years of age.
Particularly alarming trends among young people include the lag in the level of education from the level achieved by the most developed countries; acceleration of the decline in the prestige of general and vocational education; an increase in the number of young people entering the workforce with a low level of education and having no desire to continue their education; the orientation of many levels of education towards the “in-line” reproduction of workers, employees and specialists without taking into account the requirements of consumers; unpreparedness of higher, vocational and secondary school personnel to work in new conditions; the increasing lag of the material and technical base at all levels from regulatory requirements; a decline in the intellectual level of the graduate student body - the future of Russian science, an outflow of gifted young men and women from many universities and from the country.
“Negative manifestations” consist, first of all, in the fact that the youth environment becomes a dangerous crime zone. Statistics show a steady increase in juvenile crime (145.4 thousand crimes were committed in 2003, 154.4 thousand crimes in 2004, and 154.7 thousand crimes in 2005).
The number of “female” crimes is growing from year to year. The trend towards “rejuvenation” of female crime is of great concern to law enforcement agencies. Today, 1,136 teenage girls are kept in the three educational and labor colonies for minors in Russia. Most of them were convicted of serious crimes.
According to forecasts, by 2010 the number of children will decrease by 3.73 million people compared to 2003, which determines a further downward trend in the country's population. The birth rate does not ensure simple reproduction of the population. Maternal and infant mortality rates remain high, and only 30 percent of newborns can be considered healthy. Over the past 10 years, the morbidity rate among children as a whole has increased by more than 1.4 times.
The younger generation, for the most part, found itself without reliable social guidelines. The destruction of traditional forms of socialization based on the social predetermination of life's path, on the one hand, increased the personal responsibility of young people for their destiny, presenting them with the need to choose, on the other hand, it revealed the unwillingness of most of them to engage in new social relations. The choice of life path began to be determined not by the abilities and interests of the young man, but by specific circumstances.
Unfortunately, existing economic and social programs practically do not take into account the specific social position of the younger generation in the process of social development. In this regard, it is necessary to increase attention to the social problems of youth, to determine the means, forms, methods and criteria of social work with the younger generation.
Of all the periods of human personality development, perhaps the most problematic, difficult and most dangerous is adolescence. Adolescence is a period when rapid physiological and psychological changes, changes in the social environment and social requirements for the growing individual often provoke various deviations in behavior, manifested in negativism, dominance, stubbornness, and aggression.
The main goal of our research is to identify the problems of adolescents and explore ways to solve them. We need to remember the main thing: teenagers are no longer children, but not yet adults. They consider themselves independent and independent from their parents and try more and more to be like their comrades. They have a strong sense of justice and are prone to conflicts and arguments. Their behavior is unpredictable, and they sometimes force their parents to take extreme measures - such as setting too strict boundaries for behavior or, conversely, giving them complete freedom in order to avoid conflicts.
On the path to their own independence, adolescents need to establish boundaries and norms of behavior, and the decision to establish them should be made jointly with parents, teachers and doctors.
In this paragraph, we have determined the age range of young people and highlighted a certain range of problems that are relevant to young people:
✓ falling birth rates and aging youth;
✓ increased mortality;
✓ the problem of the health of children and youth;
✓ increase in the number of murders and suicides;
✓ unemployment;
✓ illiteracy;
✓ loss of social reference points.
1. 2. Who are teenagers?
Do those teachers, psychologists, and parents who do not deal directly with this age think about this question?
It seems to us that this is not always the case. And not at all because they are not interested, but because those who raise younger schoolchildren have enough of their own everyday problems. It seems to them that they will still have time to get acquainted with the problems of teenagers when it is relevant, when these problems confront them in full force and the time comes to solve them. However, we should not forget that the child’s development proceeds sequentially. It has its own logic, each subsequent stage is based on what has been achieved and laid down in the previous one.
It is necessary to have a good idea of what is important to develop in pre-adolescence so that the child’s rather difficult, problematic, conflict-ridden adolescence passes as calmly as possible. How can we ensure that children arrive at the onset of the teenage crisis with a level of mental development that would allow them to get through this period with minimal difficulties and losses? And along with this, how to provide the necessary assistance to those who have already crossed this border? And for adults, ensure such relationships with children that would help you become not potential opponents for them, but a genuine support in difficult situations.
Therefore, we appeal to you: get acquainted with the problems of adolescence now. Try to understand and appreciate them. This will be useful in your work today.
So what is a teenager? It is not possible to answer this question briefly and unambiguously. Different schools of psychology answer it differently. One thing remains undoubted, the same for everyone: adolescence is the age of a serious crisis affecting both the physiological and mental development of the child. This crisis is directly related to puberty. In medicine and physiology, this period is called puberty.
However, the assessment of this period is not unambiguous in different psychological and pedagogical concepts. How do these developments manifest themselves?
A clear indicator of a different approach to the problem is the determination of what period adolescence covers - when it begins, how long it lasts.
In our domestic literature, the most common opinion is that it begins quite early, in many cases already at 10-12 years, and lasts up to 15 years. Then he moves into adolescence, which in many ways is a direct continuation of adolescence. Adolescence ends at the age of eighteen, i.e., with the onset of adulthood.
At the same time, foreign psychologists, psychotherapists and other specialists give a different periodization of adolescence: for example, in both Europe and the United States they consider adolescence to be a single age, but divide it into two parts, i.e. they do not distinguish a special period of adolescence , and at the same time indicate that for a large number of young people this period begins at the age of 13 and lasts until twenty to twenty-three. Some people even date the end of adolescence to the age of twenty-five. This is indicated by specialists who deal with difficult cases of adolescence, in particular psychotherapists and psychoanalysts.
Age differences in the definition of what constitutes adolescence are taken as an example because they are quite understandable to everyone, regardless of the extent to which these professionals, as well as parents, are familiar with the basic problems of age. Of course, there are many differences in the definition and interpretation of the problems associated with the onset and progression of this age. But the main thing remains that adolescence turns out to be a period of crisis in the child’s development, and this crisis does not always proceed without complications and, even with a normal course, requires close attention from adults. It is also quite obvious that this period proceeds differently for different children.
Let's start with the safe options for the course of adolescence.
There are teenagers who, quite early, already at the age of 12-13, strive to join the world of adults and at the same time are seriously interested in the problems that are the most significant in society today. For example, in the post-war decades, many teenagers were interested in physics (one of the reasons was the reaction to the invention of the atomic bomb), mathematics, and later computers and sought to get into physics and mathematics schools. After graduating from these schools, they went to the corresponding specialties at institutes and universities and, as a rule, became scientists. In recent years, priorities have shifted somewhat. “Prosperous” teenagers began to more often focus on biological sciences, economics, business and law.
Other teenagers of the same age sought to go into the arts - to literary and theater studios, music schools and colleges. And if we get acquainted with the biographies of famous scientists and artists, we will see that their social path to science and art began precisely at this age. One of the first to pay attention to the age of 13-14 years in this sense was the outstanding psychologist L. S. Vygotsky in his book “Pedology of the Adolescent,” referring to the works of the famous Russian teacher P. P. Blonsky.
These ideas are confirmed in other studies. For example, M. Perelman, a theoretical physicist who was actively interested in problems of psychology, in his work devoted to the development of adolescents, provides statistical data showing that the majority of major, and in some cases, outstanding mathematicians and physicists. As well as biologists, musicians and other talented people, they chose their area of interest at the age of 13 and have been persistently moving towards their goal since then.
However, prosperous teenagers face difficulties in personal development, the formation of a self-image and, of course, need the close attention and help of adults.
When adolescence is accompanied by a serious crisis, for “dysfunctional” teenagers the way out of it is in some cases earlier and easier, while in others it turns out to be extremely difficult for both the teenager and the family.
These differences, as shown by pedagogical experience, the experience of parents, as well as scientific analysis presented in the works of numerous psychologists and other specialists, largely depend on how the child was raised before adolescence, how correctly the family behaved - first of all, the family – during the teenage period of a child’s development, how his social experience developed, the experience of relationships with peers and adults in the family and in the school community.
Adolescence is the so-called “transitional period”, a kind of special path from childhood to adulthood. And without going through this path, not a single person can form, become an independent person. What is this path? Why is it not an easy, but often unpredictable period in the life of a child, and therefore his entire family? What problems and difficulties stand in this way?
Everyone – physiologists, psychologists, neurologists and psychotherapists – agree that the basis of the transition period from childhood to adulthood is a physiological restructuring of the entire organism, and primarily hormonal. These same processes of restructuring the body, long and difficult processes, but absolutely necessary for the transformation of a child into an adult, into an adult personality, become the cause and basis of the teenage crisis. Hence a very important conclusion: the teenage crisis cannot be avoided or avoided. But this does not mean at all that it goes the same way for all children and that no one can influence how it turns out in a child.
All the actions of teenage children express their desire to break out of the captivity of the norms and responsibilities with which the adult world has surrounded them, and to achieve some kind of independence. At least at the cost of conflict with society. This desire is not limited to disadvantaged teenagers. It also exists among prosperous teenagers, who also strive to the highest degree for independence and self-realization.
Of course, parents are mediators between teenagers and society. More precisely, first of all, parents. In a word, the goal of adolescents is independence from the world of adults and the laws and rules of behavior created by this world. By analyzing parental complaints, we can see age-related changes in the nature and essence of the actions that parents complain about. These changes characterize age differences between adolescents. At the beginning, as can be seen from the nature of the “violations,” we are talking about the beginning of adolescence, about children 10-15 years old, for whom society appears mainly in the person of parents, grandparents or older brothers and sisters. Hence the struggle around “small”, mainly family demands - unwillingness to clean the room, one’s own dishes, follow hygiene rules, unwillingness to obey parents, etc.
However, they draw girlfriends and friends into the orbit of their “violations”, demonstrate independence, no longer neglecting hygiene or the state of order in their room and kitchen, by disposing of their parents’ things at their own discretion, not only throwing them anywhere, but also giving to your friends and girlfriends. The next step in the struggle for “emancipation” is no longer to neglect one’s appearance, but, on the contrary, to introduce elements of adulthood into everyday life. For example, using cosmetics, wearing clothes designed for adults, etc.
And then comes the third stage. The parental complaints that complete the list presented are fundamentally different from those we discussed earlier. They already belong to those teenagers who have crossed the border of adolescence and have not been able to find the strength to reconcile their “I” with the demands of the society in which they exist. They failed to find their place either in the family or in society. And such a situation inevitably leads to an aggravation of the crisis. Towards a transition from conflict with the family and with the education system to conflict with society as a whole. This is very clearly and graphically confirmed by the way the nature of parental complaints has changed. Instead of complaints about intra-family conflicts, violation of the norms of society as a whole comes to the fore: drunkenness, drug use, sexual promiscuity.
We can, perhaps, say that where we were talking about the age of up to 16-18 years, we were faced with antisocial behavior. In the future, behavior may become antisocial. This situation is not accidental - the crisis of adolescence cannot stand still. It is either overcome if it promptly becomes the subject of attention of parents, psychologists and teachers, or, in many cases, it intensifies and deepens if qualified help does not come at all.
Let's try to understand what underlies those manifestations that make the teenage crisis a dangerous age period for everyone - for the child himself, for his parents and for the whole society.
Is it possible in one chapter, at least briefly, to touch upon all the problems of adolescence and discuss the reasons why they arise? Of course no.
However, many questions arise here, which we will try to dwell on in the future. It is advisable to start with the development of self-awareness and the formation of the image of “I”. Many psychologists and educators who study adolescence and work with teenagers in different conditions talk about this problem. For example, in a family setting or in a group to which a teenager belongs.
The development of self-awareness and the formation of the image of “I” is considered in psychology as one of the most important achievements of adolescence. But since this process can be called a revolutionary transformation in the consciousness of a teenager, talking about it touches on all the main directions of development and the main difficulties of growth. This means the difficulties experienced by the children themselves, the parents, and the school during this period.
The view of oneself, the awareness of one’s “I” changes over a long period of development. At first, the child evaluates himself from the point of view of external signs, the correspondence of appearance - height, physical development - with the standard of his environment, then the subject of attention becomes signs of gender, and not only external, but also behavioral. And in teenagers’ understanding of themselves, in the formation of the image of “I,” reactions and assessments of society are increasingly involved - not only assessments of appearance, but also behavior, views, and success. During this period, sharp, thoughtless reactions of the family - parents, older brothers and sisters - can become the basis for a complete disruption of the child’s personal development. Become the same impetus for asocial or even antisocial behavior.
As a result, it turns out that teenagers are young people aged 13 to 17 years (in the USA these are teenagers from 13 to 23), and adolescence is the so-called “transitional period”, like a special path from childhood to adulthood. At this age, a teenager’s physiology rapidly changes, clumsiness in movements, emotional imbalance, and increased reflexivity appear. At the same time, this is the most crucial period, since here the foundations of morality are formed, social attitudes and attitudes towards oneself, towards people, and towards society are formed.
1. 3. Psychological characteristics of adolescence.
With the transition from elementary to middle and high school, the position of children in the system of business and personal relationships with people around them changes. Serious matters begin to occupy an increasing place in their lives, and less and less time is allocated for rest and entertainment. The demands on intelligence are increasing. Teachers and parents are switching to a new style of communicating with teenagers, appealing more to their reason and logic than to feelings.
On intellectual development in adolescence and youth.
During adolescence, the process of cognitive development is actively underway. Science still does not know enough what happens to the consciousness of children during this age period, how their perception, attention and imagination change. Improvements in cognitive processes such as memory, speech, and thinking are easier to observe and more can be said about them.
Teenagers and young men can already think logically, are capable of theoretical reasoning and self-analysis. They think relatively freely on moral, political and other topics that are practically inaccessible to the intellect of a younger student.
High school students can draw general conclusions based on particular premises and, on the contrary, move on to particular conclusions based on general premises, that is, they are capable of induction and deduction.
The most important intellectual acquisition of adolescence is the ability to operate with hypotheses. We can talk about the development of theoretical, or verbal-logical, thinking in adolescents.
There is an intellectualization of all other cognitive processes. There is a noticeable increase in consciousness and self-awareness, a deepening of knowledge about oneself, about people, about the world around us.
The development of self-awareness is expressed in changes in the motivation of the main activities: learning, communication and work.
Those activities that previously played a leading role, such as play, are gradually relegated to the background. A new stage of mental development begins.
During adolescence, self-control of activities is actively improved. Until adolescence, many adolescents still lack the ability to pre-plan activities, but at the same time there is a desire for self-regulation.
On improving mental processes.
In grades 6–11, important processes associated with memory restructuring occur in the psyche of schoolchildren. Logical memory is actively developing, but the development of mechanical memory is slowing down, which is associated with an increase in the amount of information. Students may have memory problems; Along with this, there is an interest in ways to improve memory.
At this age, reading, monologue and written speech begin to actively develop. Written speech improves in the direction from the ability to write in writing to independent composition on a given topic.
The development of children’s abilities continues on the basis of leading activities: learning, communication and work.
In training, students’ communicative abilities are formed and developed, including the ability to come into contact with strangers, achieve their favor and mutual understanding, and achieve their goals. In work there is an active development of those practical skills that in the future can improve professional abilities.
About the development of thinking.
Adolescence is characterized by increased intellectual activity, a desire to develop, demonstrate one’s abilities, and receive high praise from others.
The desire for self-education is a characteristic feature of adolescence and early adolescence.
About the personality of a teenager.
The transition to adolescence is characterized by profound changes in the conditions affecting the child's personal development. They relate to the physiology of the body, the relationships that a teenager develops with adults and peers, the level of development of cognitive processes, intelligence and abilities.
The center of physical and spiritual life moves from the home to the outside world.
During three to four years of study in high school, a person’s motivational sphere is formed, his personal and business interests are determined, and professional inclinations and abilities are revealed. The main motivational lines of this age period, associated with an active desire for personal self-improvement, are self-awareness, self-expression and self-affirmation.
A teenager is also forced to grow up quickly by circumstances related to physical changes in his body.
The easiest way to achieve the goal of “being like an adult” is to imitate the external forms of observed behavior. At the same time, during adolescence, the process of formation and development of the child’s self-awareness continues. He pays great attention to his own shortcomings. The desired self-image of adolescents usually consists of the virtues they value in other people.
On the formation of volitional qualities.
In the 7th and 8th grades, teenagers begin to systematically engage in self-education. They love adventure, romantic films and literature, as their heroes are characterized by qualities of masculinity, courage, character and willpower.
In late adolescence, many boys begin to engage in self-development of their strong-willed personality traits through sports. The general logic of the development of all volitional qualities can be expressed as follows: from the ability to manage oneself, concentrate efforts, and withstand heavy loads to the ability to manage one’s activities and achieve high results in them.
On the development of personal business qualities.
Adolescence is characterized by processes associated with the choice of a future profession. There is a desire to do something with your own hands, increased curiosity and the first dreams of a future profession.
Children are distinguished by increased cognitive and creative activity. New teaching motives appear. The teaching is complemented by self-education, acquiring a deeper personal meaning.
At this age, good conditions are created for the formation of organizational abilities, efficiency, and enterprise.
Along with learning and work, play still provides rich opportunities for children’s personal development.
On the achievements of mental development of adolescents.
As teenagers age, their interests change dramatically. In the fifth and sixth grades, children increase their attention to the position they occupy in the class among their peers. Sixth and seventh graders begin to show interest in their appearance, in children of the opposite sex and in their relationships with them. Seventh graders show interest in their abilities and their future profession. Eighth-graders highly value independence, individuality, and personality traits that are manifested in relationships of friendship and camaraderie.
Adolescence is the time of the formation of true individuality, independence in learning and work, a heightened desire for knowledge and self-evaluation, for the formation of a holistic, consistent image of “I”.
In the period between 12–14 years, when describing themselves and other people, adolescents begin to use less categorical judgments, including the words “sometimes,” “almost,” “it seems to me,” etc., which indicates a transition to the position of evaluative relativism, understanding ambiguity, inconstancy and diversity of human personal manifestations.
In adolescence, a differentiated attitude towards different teachers appears: some are loved, others are not, others are treated indifferently. New criteria for assessing personality and adult activities are being formed.
Teenagers value more knowledgeable teachers, strict but fair, who treat children kindly, are able to explain the material in an interesting and clear way, give fair grades, and do not divide the class into favorites and disliked. Teenagers especially value the teacher’s erudition, as well as the ability to properly build relationships with students.
The child's perception of himself changes. At the age of 10–11, about a third of all adolescents give themselves mostly negative characteristics. This attitude often persists into 12–13 years. However, it is accompanied by some positive changes in self-perception, a higher assessment of oneself as an individual.
As one grows up, initially global negative self-evaluations become more differentiated, characterizing behavior in various situations, and then private actions.
In the development of reflection, that is, the ability to base one’s own strengths and weaknesses, the following is observed: first, children are primarily aware of their individual actions in certain life situations, then character traits and, finally, basic personal characteristics.
On the formation of theoretical intelligence.
The intellectual development of children can be accelerated in three directions: conceptual structure of thinking, verbal intelligence, and internal plan of action.
The development of thinking in high school can be facilitated by rhetoric, an understanding of the ability to plan, compose and deliver public speeches, conduct a discussion, and answer questions competently.
Middle and high school students should not mechanically memorize and repeat frozen definitions of scientific concepts, but, first of all, understand their meaning and logic. This will undoubtedly speed up the process of developing the conceptual structure of thinking in high school students.
On improving practical thinking.
The structure of practical intelligence includes the following qualities of the mind: enterprise, economy, prudence, the ability to quickly and efficiently solve emerging problems.
Entrepreneurship is manifested in the fact that in a difficult life situation a person is able to find several solutions to the problem that has arisen, and most importantly, he is always ready to find a solution in practical terms and can find a way out of any situation.
Economy consists in the fact that a person is able to find a method of action that will lead to the desired result with the least cost and expense.
Prudence is manifested in the ability to look far ahead, foresee the consequences of certain decisions and actions, accurately determine their result and evaluate what it may cost.
The ability to quickly solve assigned problems is a dynamic characteristic of practical intelligence, manifested in the amount of time that passes from the moment a problem arises to its practical solution.
Practical thinking can be considered developed if it has all the indicated properties. It can and should be developed in students starting from the first grades, not only at school, but at home. The main directions of development of the listed properties of practical intelligence:
Entrepreneurship - through student self-government in the classroom and at school;
Savings - by encouraging children to independently calculate material costs for matters that interest them.
On the development of general and special abilities.
The future professional success of students is to a large extent determined by the work skills that are actively developed during their school years.
Professionalization of education with its simultaneous differentiation according to abilities should be introduced in parallel and in addition to the general education program.
About the education of high school students.
By the end of primary school age, there is a change in the social situation of development and the internal position of the student, as a result of which the processes of formation of his personality are accelerated, and learning temporarily fades into the background. What personal qualities should boys and girls have and what should they be able to do after graduating from high school?
The first and main group of qualities are those associated with self-care at school and at home. Young people leaving school should be able to independently find a job or go to school, hire and equip housing, if necessary, independently provide food, including purchasing and preparing food, independently provide themselves with clothing, and solve other personal or business problems related to with the structure of life, such that a socially adapted adult can cope with relatively easily.
The second group of qualities concerns orientation in the social, political and cultural life of society. After graduating from school, every cultured person should have formed beliefs, a worldview, and a system of social attitudes that determine a person’s attitude to the world, to people, and to himself. Modern young people should know the law to such an extent that they not only do not break the laws themselves, but also help others to do so. They must know the basic basics of economics so that they can engage in individual entrepreneurial activity, start a business, and gain material benefit.
The third group of personal qualities relates to the moral basis of the individual and his culture.
During the years of schooling, children must develop basic moral qualities, and the greatest educational burden in this regard falls on middle and high school age. In the primary grades of school, the lion's share of time is spent on learning, and this is normal. However, in the middle grades and beyond, the time allocated for educational and educational activities should become approximately the same.
If in middle and high schools priority is given to education, that is, to the accelerated personal development of children, then in the future their education and intellectual development proceed at a faster pace. This happens because the formed personal qualities listed above become a powerful incentive for further improvement of a person in various types of activities.
About education in communication with peers and adults.
In adolescence and adolescence, the craving for interpersonal communication of the same age increases. Communication with peers during this period is the most important school of self-education. But without adults, teenagers are often unable to find the right answers to the questions that concern them. Particularly favorable opportunities for inter-age communication between children and adults are created by their joint work.
About self-education of teenagers.
In adolescence, the desire for self-education is strong. At the age of 12–14, children begin to think about the possibilities of intellectual and personal communication, self-improvement, and make conscious, targeted efforts for this purpose. Self-perception goes through a certain development path.
The first stage is physical and volitional self-education. A typical goal at this stage is the volitional and physical self-improvement of a teenager, and the goals are to improve the volitional qualities of the individual, such as self-confidence, etc., through the use of special means and exercises, and physical development.
Many children begin to engage in physical education and sports.
The second stage is moral self-improvement. The goal of self-education at this time is spiritual and moral development, understood as the development of noble personality traits: decency, kindness, generosity, loyalty in friendship, devotion to a loved one, willingness to help, etc.
What is the best way to help a teenager in his physical, volitional and moral self-improvement? First of all, children's striving for self-perception should be encouraged and actively supported, starting from the first signs of it. A teenager’s physical self-education will best be helped by physical education and sports. The example of an adult plays a big role in the self-education of adolescents.
A psychologically and pedagogically difficult situation related to self-education arises when older schoolchildren are faced with the problem of moral self-improvement. A contradiction arises: on the one hand, the desire for romanticism, chivalry and adventure, inspired by relevant literature and films; on the other, a clash with pragmatism generated by economic living conditions.
If the romantic ideal requires asceticism and modesty in its claims from the individual, then the pragmatic ideal, on the contrary, dictates the desire for material well-being. Romantic orientation presupposes solitude, while pragmatic orientation presupposes active communication. The first is characterized by submission to fate, the second – by struggle.
The primary task of the educator is to show children that in reality pragmatic and romantic values are quite compatible with each other. Along with reading literature of a romantic, heroic and adventure nature, boys and girls can be recommended to get acquainted with works of “business” literature containing biographical information about outstanding personalities in this field.
Thus, adolescence is one of the most difficult periods of human development. Despite its relative short duration, it practically largely determines a person’s entire future life. It is during adolescence that the formation of character and other foundations of personality primarily occurs. These circumstances: the transition from childhood cared for by adults to independence, the change from the usual schooling to other types of social activities, as well as rapid hormonal changes in the body - make the teenager especially vulnerable and, therefore, susceptible to the negative influences of his environment. At the same time, it is necessary to take into account the typical desire of adolescents to free themselves from the care and control of relatives, teachers and other educators. Often this desire leads to the denial of the spiritual values and standards of living of the older generation in general.
1. 4. The main problems of modern teenagers.
Adolescents, whose development is fraught with great difficulties and dangers, do not constitute the majority. According to some data published in different countries, approximately 25% belong to this disadvantaged group. This alarming figure in itself suggests that the remaining 75% are developing normally, do not constitute a risk group and, it would seem, do not need constant care. However, there is no teenager who does not need the support of society, primarily the support of his own family. Because every development faces problems. And very often with unexpected problems, difficult to solve for those who do not have life experience. So difficult to resolve that development, which up to this point was proceeding normally, can suddenly turn off the road and find itself, if not on the wrong path, then at a crossroads.
Today we exist in an unstable situation. Disasters in society influence the course of the teenage crisis. They reach huge masses of people today. Social cataclysms: change of social system, change of economic structures, change of political views and social status; disasters associated with huge migrations of population - both within one country and from one country to another. At the same time, there is a transition from one culture to another, a change of language in which the child must learn, develop, receive information, contact with peers and adults, with the entire society around him. These processes, quite difficult for any age, are especially difficult for a teenager.
Teen Problems:
Changes in financial situation, as a rule, for the worse. However, the direction and nature of these changes are extremely different. In some cases, there is either rapid or gradual impoverishment, which leaves a heavy imprint on the emotional climate in the family. However, the consequences of a decline in living standards vary from family to family. When a friendly, close-knit family experiences financial difficulties, teenagers, who naturally feel the full weight of this situation, do not turn off from family problems. As a rule, negative developments do not occur. Moreover, these difficulties in some cases can even play a positive role - become the basis for a more complete inclusion of a teenager in the life of the family, in solving its problems. Often teenagers grow up quickly and begin to replace their elders in caring for the family. In addition, they begin to strive to gain independence more quickly. In families where communication is disrupted and material well-being plays a leading role, a decline in living standards leads to a serious disruption of all family relationships, and adolescents find themselves in a very difficult situation.
The problem of choosing a future profession. In particular, the choice of the educational institution that will determine their entire future. Of course, the most important thing for every future student is to understand what he wants, what he wants to learn, who he wants to become in his future life. This problem has never been simple, and at the present stage of development of our society it is becoming even more complex. Because previously, the basis of choice was, as a rule, the interest of the person entering the institute in some type of activity, for example, literature, philosophy, medicine. Now this problem has become more complicated, because in addition to interest, even graduates consider their choice of profession in most cases in the perspective that this profession opens up for them in the future. Because the conditions for survival in today’s difficult period of the country’s development in many cases become the leading motive for the boy or girl himself, and even more so for parents seeking to ensure the future well-being of their child. We see that often very capable young people, who were interested in literature throughout their school years, for example, go to an economics institute, and those who have already graduated from their favorite chemistry department enroll in accounting courses. It is possible that such an act is quite legal, but this does not always happen. In some cases, everything can go painlessly; the choice can turn out to be not only practical, justified momentarily, but also adequate for the entire life path of a person.
Teenagers usually perceive themselves as a separate group, a special part of society. A striking example of this is the presence of “slang” that teenagers use to communicate with each other. They believe that its use makes their mutual communication not always clear to others what they are striving for. As if to say that they have their own, different from an adult, not subject to influence, special “I”.
Lack of mutual understanding between children, parents and school.
Children of school age need contact with their parents no less than preschool children, but rather more.
Neither a family without contact with the school, nor a school without contact with the family can fully guide the development of a child in pre-adolescence and adolescence and ensure the directed formation of his personality.
Contact between family and school during the period when children enter adolescence must be constant and purposeful, otherwise the teenager is left to his own devices or to undesirable companies. The triad “adolescent, family and school” is broken.
The experience and statements of teenagers themselves show that parents are involved in the lives of their children sporadically, only when they think it is necessary. Everyday contacts, if any, are formal.
The decrease in contacts between parents and schoolchildren can often be explained by the fact that parents do not have not only the time, but also the knowledge for such communication.
We must remember that “parents are a profession,” and in the profession you need to continuously improve.
The problem of the second child. The appearance of a second child dramatically, irreversibly changes the position of the first and his view of the world. The first-born, accustomed to being the only one, tries to regain and win back his usual position in the family, but, of course, he cannot do this. And here very often conflicts arise, which parents suppress with a harsh tone, reprimands, and sometimes punishments. This, as you understand, does not contribute not only to the establishment of close, warm relationships between the older and younger child, but also to the normal state of the nervous system and psyche of the older child, or rather, both children. The atmosphere in the family becomes tense. During this period, the older child may develop actions and forms of behavior that had not previously occurred at all. And although adolescence has not yet begun, many personal manifestations are already creating the basis for future teenage difficulties. Therefore, in such a situation, parents should show increased attention to their older child, help him feel needed and loved again and prevent unwanted development of his personality.
The next group of problems of adolescence are problems associated with deviant behavior of adolescents.
Normal behavior of a teenager involves his interaction with the microsociety, which adequately meets the needs and possibilities of his development and socialization. If the child’s environment is able to respond promptly and adequately to certain characteristics of the teenager, then his behavior will always or almost always be normal. Hence, deviant behavior can be characterized as the interaction of a teenager with a microsociety, disrupting his development and socialization due to the lack of adequate consideration by the environment of the characteristics of his individuality and manifested in behavioral opposition to established moral and legal social norms.
The main types of deviant behavior are crime and criminally punishable cases of immoral behavior, which also pose a certain social danger. The connection between crime and immoral behavior is that the commission of a crime is usually preceded by some kind of behavior in the form of drinking alcohol, drugs, promiscuity in sexual relations, etc.
Medical and psychological problems of teenage schoolchildren. Adolescence is a special period in a child’s life, when various morphological and functional changes in organs and systems occur in a relatively short period of time. These processes are characterized by high energy costs. They are so serious that the body is not able to develop evenly. Bones and muscles, arterial and venous vessels, chambers of the heart - they all grow at different rates. As a result, many stage problems arise, ailments and physical weakness are possible. A teenager's psychological perception of the world changes. This often happens very painfully. All this significantly distinguishes adolescents from children and adults and causes a certain vulnerability of the body to the development of a number of diseases.
All teenagers develop differently. Among them there are children with phenomenal physical abilities. Although the question of what price they are given for records requires special discussion. After all, many children’s sporting achievements testify not so much to their level of health, but to their perseverance and enthusiasm. This opinion is confirmed by medical data, which indicate that only 1-2% can be called healthy, the rest have diseases and abnormalities at the level of 3-4 or more organs and systems. And since during puberty the body’s sensitivity to the effects of unfavorable environmental factors is increased, physical and emotional stress can make the child even more vulnerable. As a result, a hereditary predisposition to certain diseases will be realized, limiting suitability for various professions, darkening the prospects for future motherhood and fatherhood. Moreover, during adolescence, this disadvantage can manifest itself in separate, dim episodes. But a little later, in the third and fourth decades of life, in its most fruitful period, these diseases will become a noticeable and painful circumstance.
Chapter 2. Experimental study of the problems of modern adolescents
In order to study the problems of adolescents in gymnasium No. 1, we conducted an experimental study in four stages:
Plan of work on the topic of adolescent problems and ways to solve them:
1. Predictive Determination of goals and objectives when working on a topic. September-October 2007 Processing of results,
Familiarization with the offenses of teenagers in the city, obtained during a pilot school. research (questionnaire)
Study of relevant literature.
Conducting a pilot study.
2. Diagnostic Analysis of the results obtained during the pilot November 2007 Conducting research on research. class hours dedicated to
“Sphere of interest” to adolescent problems.
"Unfinished thesis"
“Whose names will the young people write?”
3. Practical Analysis of the results obtained at the diagnostic stage. December 2007-March 2008 Speech at parent
At the prognostic stage, we conducted a questionnaire in 8th grade in order to identify students’ opinions about certain aspects of the life of adolescents and young people in our city, as well as in our gymnasium. 37 students participated in the study, 12 men and 28 women.
Analyzing the students' answers, we obtained the following results.
76% are brought up in a two-parent family, 19% in an incomplete family, and 5% in another family.
16% live in their own house, 84% live in a separate apartment.
Family income is average – 92%.
Relationships with parents: 86% - normal, 11% - conflict, 3% - no relationship.
Relationships with peers: normal – 97%, conflict – 3%.
70% of students have a negative attitude towards bad habits, 30% are indifferent. 64% have consumed alcoholic beverages, 6% want to try them, 30% have not tried them and will never try them.
They consumed (64%) beer – 30%, low-alcohol cocktails – 35%, wine – 35%, vodka – 5%.
Mostly, the children answered that they drank alcohol in the company of friends and on occasion of a holiday.
51% took money from parents, 22% treated friends.
84% did not have sexual contacts, 16% did.
Only 3% are not informed about sexually transmitted diseases.
When answering why young people use drugs, the children responded:
14% - prestigious
62% - to have fun, out of boredom.
68% - to get rid of unpleasant experiences
27% - to relieve tension when communicating with other people.
14% - in order not to stand out among others, to be like everyone else.
100% did not use drugs.
Most often, the use of drugs occurs on the street, in the yard, in an apartment where a company gathers, at a disco, at a concert, in a club.
Most teenagers agree with the statements: “Even a single sample of a drug can cause addiction,” “There are no safe drugs.”
If a teenager found out that a friend was using drugs, 85% would immediately end the relationship with him, 22% would continue the friendship without paying attention, 3% would ask him to give it a try.
Consequences from drug use – death 87%, AIDS – 86%, 2% did not think about it.
Thus, positive aspects predominate in the responses to this questionnaire for the majority of adolescents. Thus, the majority are raised in a complete family, have normal relationships with parents and peers, have a negative attitude towards bad habits, have not had sexual contacts, and do not use drugs.
But there are teenagers who have low family income, have difficulties in relationships with parents and peers, drank alcohol, and had sexual contacts.
In connection with these results, we studied the problems of adolescents in more detail using the example of the eighth gymnasium class with a humanitarian bias. At the diagnostic stage, we carried out the following methods:
Unfinished thesis “Values of Life”
To complete a thesis means to express a very definite judgment and indicate your attitude to the subject.
The best option is when the phrase is printed on a card for each participant, and he adds this phrase to the card:
"The most important in life"
“You can't live life without. »
"Students' Areas of Interest"
This technique is carried out with the aim of a more detailed study of the breadth of areas of interest of students, the expression of their interests in active activities, communication, and entertainment.
Students were asked to rate their areas of interest using a five-point system. 1 point was given when the area is not significant for the student, 2 - when it is significant, 3 - when the area is of great importance for the student.
“Whose names will the young people write?”
Students are asked to answer the question: “Whom do you consider outstanding people of all times and peoples and evaluate positively?” Fill out the table of three columns. Enter 10 names into the first, three names out of the 10 mentioned into the second, and one name out of three into the third.
After analyzing the data obtained, we obtained the following results:
17 girls and 6 boys participated in the study.
Diagnostic results “Sphere of interests of adolescents”:
Boys are interested in: in the first place - communication with friends, sports, physical education and communication with the opposite sex, in second place - communication with the family and study. Boys are not at all interested in painting, drawing, modeling, activities without a special purpose, or making any products with their own hands.
Girls need communication in the family, communication with friends, self-education of personality, study, clothing. Less interesting is making any products with your own hands, or doing nothing.
Results of the “Values of Life” diagnostic:
The most important thing in life: family – 14 people, study and education – 6, health – 3 people.
You cannot live your life without family, relatives and friends - 8, knowledge and education - 5, friends - 5, communication - 3, money - 2.
To have friends you need to be sociable - 7, be an interesting and good person - 5, be able to make friends, not be selfish, prove yourself in a society of 2 people: 100 rubles, be respected, know what to talk to them about, read a lot, have an approach 1 person for each.
When I have free time, I walk – 6, sleep – 6, listen to music – 5, read – 2, spend it with family or with friends – 2, play the computer – 2.
It seems to me that adults: find it difficult to answer - 7, smart people - 3, like children - 2, do not understand children - 2, sometimes consider themselves very wise, hide a lot from children, are kind to me, put pressure on me, sometimes are not fair, they are also people, they can help, they love us, they are afraid for me - all 1 person.
The best hobby is sports - 10 people, music - 4, dancing - 3 people, TV, computer - 2, 4 studies, hard to answer, collecting, assembling plastic models - 1 person each.
In five years. I will study at a university - 15 people, I will get married - 2, I find it difficult to answer - 3, I will go to the army - 1, I will work - 2 people.
I am grateful - to parents - 18 people, to teachers - 3 people, I find it difficult to answer -1, to fate - 1 person.
Most often I want to find it difficult to answer - 5, sleep - 5, be with friends - 2, eat - 2, relax at sea - 2, go to the skating rink - 2, peace on earth -2 (and these are boys), be born again, in guests, stand out from others.
Thus, in most cases, children are grateful to their parents, aim to go to university after school, highlight family and education as the most important thing in their lives, and read little (1 person). The predominant hobbies of this class are sports and dancing with music.
Diagnostic results “Whose names will the young people write?”
A total of 50 names were named. The small scatter of names on the list indicates an average degree of autonomy of each student’s value orientations from the group.
The first ten names record the most common orientations of students in space. The leaders of the survey included historical figures, friends, parents, writers and poets shared the honorable third place, followed by singers, followed by contemporary political figures, including V.V. Putin, followed by scientists. Analysis of the data shows that friendships and then family connections are most typical for students. The interest of the humanitarian class in the work of domestic writers and poets is clearly expressed; they do not forget the figures of the past (26 are related to the past of our country). This testifies to the patriotic sentiments of students and at the same time to their understanding of the historical merits of past figures to their contemporaries. A characteristic feature of the Kass is the absence of any expressed religious needs and values.
Three names capture the direction of students' cultural preferences. Noteworthy is the dropout or noticeable reduction in the list of scientists, historical figures (from 28 to 6), singers (from 14 to 2), which indicates a slight influence of culture on the value orientations of schoolchildren. Family ties predominate: parents, brother/sister, grandfather/grandmother. Along with famous figures, V.V. Putin, A.S. Pushkin (4) and M.Yu. Lermontov, there are such names as A. Zavorotnyuk, M. Krug and Trofim, which indicates an increased interest of students in popular culture and is perceived as a collective norm.
One name: parents, Putin, 1 - grandmother, M. V. Lomonosov, class teacher, M. Yu. Lermontov, M. I. Kutuzov, Mikhail Krug. It is obvious that the remaining figures of history and culture are more likely symbolic than real.
At the general stage, we analyzed all the data obtained and found out what problems students in the eighth humanitarian grade face. After conducting an experimental study, we identified the problems of eighth “A” grade gymnasium No. 1 students:
✓ Adolescents’ indifference to bad habits (30%)
✓ Drank alcohol (64%)
✓ If you found out that a friend was using drugs, you would immediately end your relationship with him/her and would not help you get out of the current situation (85%)
✓ High school load and, therefore, children’s desire to relax and sleep
✓ Absence of any expressed religious needs and values
✓ Loss of interest in children in various types of creative activities (painting, drawing, modeling, making any products with their own hands)
✓ Increased interest of students in popular culture
✓ Communication with friends in all groups of adolescents is much more preferable than communication with parents and teachers. There is a “devaluation” of adults. Teenagers want to build their own relationships, considering themselves adults, wanting more independence. These are not only features of modern reality, but also the rejection of those stereotypes of adults, those life experiences that developed in other times and today do not help, but complicate the solution of problems that arise in the lives of adolescents.
It is no coincidence that adolescence is called a crisis age. Psychologists call the main feature of a teenager a “false sense of adulthood.” On the one hand, we realize that we are growing up and demand expansion of our rights, on the other hand, childhood remains attractive to us primarily because of its minimal responsibility. Parents often do not notice the intensive process of growing up and continue to obsessively care for their grown-up child, which causes quarrels.
Relationships with peers play a huge role in our lives. We expect understanding and sympathy from a friend, as from a psychotherapist and confessor. But if a friend evaluates a situation that is significant to us differently or shows indifference at all, we suffer from loneliness.
But this does not mean that during this period we, teenagers, do not need to communicate with adults! Only we want to see father and mother not as mentors, but as equal partners, not as judges, but as comrades-in-arms.
When a friend comes to you to complain about hardships, you don’t attack her: “It’s all your fault!” you understand that she is not looking for advice, but rather sympathy. So why does an unfortunate teenager, confused in life, sometimes receive nothing but reproaches from his parents?
No one has ever been able to transfer their life experience into someone else's head. We, like air, need the experience of emotionally warm and non-judgmental communication, and the task of parents is to stretch this thread of mutual understanding from distant childhood.
Tips for parents.
Family support
Hug, kiss your child, and praise him often. Don't assume that your child already knows how much you love him. Let your love for your child be expressed in words, tone of voice and looks that surround your love. At least once a week, dedicate an evening to an activity in which all family members can participate. Think and agree on what you would like to do together. If you have two children, give each of them the opportunity to spend some time with you individually. Talk to your children about ways to make your apartment more comfortable and welcoming for them and their friends, and take steps in that direction.
Parents who model social connections.
Every day ask your child: “how are you?” Start with simple questions: “what happened at school?” Make such conversations a habit. Really listen to the child. Let it become obvious to children that you value their opinion, knowledge, and respect their feelings. Let the child do what he is supposed to do on his own. At the same time, he should feel that you can come to the rescue. Some children are very mobile: they need to constantly run, it is difficult for them to sit still. Do not insist that your child completely calm down and sit down before you talk to him. If you decide to talk to your child, make sure there is a suitable place for this. This could be his room. The main thing is that the TV is turned off.
Communication with parents.
Be prepared to talk to your child when he needs it. Regularly ask your child what he thinks, what he believes in, what he is convinced of. Accept that your beliefs and your child's beliefs are not always the same. Never label your child’s beliefs as stupid, childish, nonsense. If you want to object, say better: “Now you believe in it, but over time, when you get older.” From time to time, spend the entire day with your child. Go to the zoo, to the park, to nature. During this day you will talk about everything in the world. Do not think that your child is indifferent to the events happening in the world: hunger, wars, terrorism. Many children have a hard time dealing with the information they watch on TV news. You need to talk to him about what they saw and heard, and reassure them. The fewer taboo topics you have to talk about with your child, the more he will share with you. The only thing you should not talk about with your child is the intimate details of your personal life.
Uniform rules for raising children for both parents.
Agree with your spouse on what behavior you expect from your child. When raising a child, parents should adhere to common views and not contradict each other. Review your requirements for your child from time to time. Are they reasonable? Honest? Do you respect the rights of the child enough? Demand blind obedience only when the child's safety is at stake. If you have any doubts, read the literature on parenting. Talk to your child about your parenting expectations for his behavior and explain why they are important for the child and for the family. Say this in language that the child understands. Let it make everything clear for itself. It often turns out that your requirements for your child and the child’s requirements for his own behavior are more similar than different. Regularly review family rules for teenagers to ensure they are appropriate for their age and maturity level. In other words, the degree of freedom of the child should depend on the degree of his responsibility. When you are not sure what to do, consult with other parents, with a school psychologist or experienced teachers, with church ministers. They can give you useful advice. Agree with your spouse on the punishment that will follow if the child breaks the rules you set. Be prepared to keep your word. Encourage your children to talk with you about the rules and the consequences of not following them. When children are treated respectfully and seriously, they can come up with interesting ideas. View discipline as a way to teach your child rather than as a form of punishment. Remember that good discipline comes from mutual respect and understanding, not authoritarianism. You cannot impose disciplinary demands on a child while showing anger or cruelty. If you feel powerless, irritated, angry, seek help from professionals. If, despite everything, the child continues to violate the rules you have established, stop punishing him and find out what the reasons for this behavior are. It may turn out that the reasons are related to the child’s emotional or psychological problems or to a disease.
Parental control.
Be aware of which family members are going where and when, and what they are doing. This helps to build communication correctly. When you go somewhere, tell your children where you are going and when you will arrive. Leave a phone number where you can be found. This is a good example of responsible behavior that your child will emulate in the future. When your children are home alone, call them and ask how they are doing. When your child is about to go somewhere, ask where he is going, who he is going with, what he is going to do with his boyfriend/girlfriend, and when he will be back. Make answering all these questions a habit for your child. When your child goes to someone's house for a holiday or birthday, make sure there are adults in the house. Take your child on a visit and meet the parents of your child’s friends if you don’t know them. Find out who the parents of your child's friends are. Agree with them that children will not be left unattended in your or their home. Make sure your home is a pleasant place for your child's friends.
Communication with other adults.
Give your child the opportunity to sometimes spend time with other adults: relatives, teachers, neighbors, counselors. They can have a positive impact on the child. Sometimes go on holiday with other families. Then your child will be able to communicate with a familiar married couple and their children. Many schools have psychologists, and teen centers have counselors. Teach your child to seek help from professionals if necessary. When you have guests, let them bring their children. Give your children the opportunity to be present when you have guests. Play lotto and volleyball together. Let children participate in your conversations with other adults who are visiting. Encourage your child to call adults he trusts when he needs advice. If your child has a hobby, such as music, biking, basketball, collecting something, give him the opportunity with someone you know who has the same hobby. Let children participate in joint work with adults.
Parents' participation in school life.
Talk to each of your school teachers at least once a year. Ask your child regularly about what he is learning at school. Offer help with homework. For example, discuss the essay plan, give advice, select literature together. But you don’t need to write an essay for your child. If there is a parent meeting at school, be sure to go. Take part in the work of the parent committee. Help the school. If you don't like something at school, talk to the teachers and administration. If you can't offer anything constructive to improve the situation, seek advice and ideas from other parents.
Positive school climate
Ask your child about problems in school life: “Does he fight? Is he being bullied? The more interested you are in the life of the school, the more you know what is happening there. Familiarize yourself with the school charter and monitor whether the rights of students and the internal rules of the school are violated
Organization of home leisure
Limit your child's free time with friends outside the home while he or she is studying. Discuss the organization of free time and make this decision as a family. If your child works, limit work to 15 hours a week. The teenager should spend at least four evenings a week at home with his family. Be persistent. Allow your child to invite friends home. Then he can be at home, but not alone, but with friends. Plan your time so that you can be at home with your child. Have dinner together, help with homework, or just talk. Spend your free time with your child doing things that are enjoyable for both of you. Play, watch videos, read, ride a bike. Make your home comfortable for all family members. Children should like it. If you often argue or don't talk to each other, contact a psychologist or other professional for advice and help.
Good friends
Let your child's friends come to your home. Get to know them. Let them enjoy coming to you. Ask your child about friends. How do friends learn? What are they interested in? Who are their parents? Try to understand why your child is friends with them. If you don't like your child's friends, then at least don't criticize them. Usually criticism of friends leads to the fact that the child stops telling his parents about them.
Music lessons
Encourage your child to play music. Find an opportunity to send your son or daughter to a music school or club. Let him choose the instrument he wants to play. Go to concerts where your child is performing. Let daily listening to music become the norm in your family life. Music that a child likes should be played from time to time. If you have played a musical instrument yourself, set a good example and play yourself from time to time.
Additional classes
Talk to your child about what interests him. Help him find a club or organization that suits his interests. Become a parent activist in your child's school. Offer any assistance you can to the existing school council in organizing excursions, meetings, concerts, and school evenings.
Realistic self-esteem
Show your feelings and, above all, love to your child regularly. Rejoice in the uniqueness of your child. Look for something special about him, such as a sense of humor, computer skills, or a good voice. If your child makes a mistake or mistake, do not confuse his action with his personality. Never tell a child that he is bad (personality assessment is unacceptable!) Tell him that he did the wrong thing (evaluation of the act is necessary). Treat your child with respect, never interrupt, and talk without raising your voice. When a child asks for something and you refuse, explain the refusal.
Optimism
Striving for success
Be an example for your child of someone who is constantly learning. Learn with your children. Visit interesting places. Read your child's books and then discuss them. Look for new books to read together. Reflect together on issues that interest you. Go to the library. Inspire your child to excel in school. But don't expect or demand incredible success from him. Accept the idea that people learn from mistakes. If your child refuses or is reluctant to go to school, try to find out what's wrong. Maybe the educational requirements are too high or, conversely, low? Does the child receive the necessary help and support from the school? Do you feel safe at school? Talk to teachers about your child's school problems. Do your best to correct the situation. As a last resort, transfer your child to another school.
Good performance at school
Ask your class teacher and teachers how your child is studying. Don't wait for journal entries. Never compare him with other children in the class or the children of your friends and relatives. Repeat to your child that you expect him to get good grades, not that he will be a child prodigy. Many children, at some point in time, perform worse than usual. If your child's grades become worse, don't panic. Offer your help and reward him for his success.
Eagerness to learn
Discuss with your child his life plans, values, dreams. The question we usually ask kids: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” should gradually be supplemented with the following question: “How are you going to achieve this? What steps are you going to take for this?” Let the child, while still at school, think about where he would like to continue his education. Getting to know different educational institutions will reduce your anxiety for your child’s future and help him choose one or two areas of knowledge that interest him.
Desire to help people
It is important for a child to see that his parents help others. Let him and you sometimes buy groceries for a lonely elderly person living next door, regularly call your parents, and take the toys and books he grew up with to the orphanage. Create an atmosphere of kindness and care for each other and others in your home.
The ability to empathize with people
Set an example of respectful family relationships. Do not put up with humiliation, insults, or rudeness. Remember, what seems trivial to an adult can be vitally important to a child. Try to see things through the eyes of a child. You will be able to sincerely sympathize with him when he comes to you with his problems. He, too, in turn, will learn to stand in other people's shoes and sympathize with them. Watch films whose characters help and empathize with each other. Talk to your child about what makes people care about others. When you see someone in a difficult situation, talk to your child about it. For example, when you see a homeless person, discuss how it is that he has nowhere to live. When your child acts selfishly or has offended someone, talk to him. Discuss how his behavior affects others.
Decision Making Skills
Do not exclude your child from family discussions that concern him personally. Give him a chance to speak. Listen carefully. When making decisions, consider his feelings and opinions. Teach your child to make decisions, find appropriate information and analyze a problem from all sides; put forward different options for solving it, weigh the pros and cons of each solution option, carefully calculate the possible consequences of a particular decision; choose one of several possible ones and stick to the decision until the end. Remember that the apparent lack of choice (“I had no choice!”) is actually also a choice. Anyone who says this has simply refused to solve the problem. Explain to your child that refusing to make a decision gives the other person an advantage. Then he gets to solve the problem in his own way. Don't be afraid of your child's mistakes. Don't scold him for his poor choice. Don't protect him from the consequences of poor choices.
Ability to make friends
Tell your child why it is important to have true friends. Give examples from your life. Invite your old friends to your house. Do things with your friends and kids so they can get to know each other better. Go on vacation together, etc. If your child has few or no friends, find out how this happened. Does he need help finding friends? Does he know how to start a conversation with a stranger. How to maintain a conversation, showing the interlocutor that he is interested in him? Some children, for one reason or another, cannot find friends among their peers. One child is developed beyond his years, the other is somehow different from most of his peers. Help your child find friends among older children or in a hobby club or public organization. Show your child an example of friendship between people of different cultures, nationalities, and religions. Be tolerant and demand the same from your child. Come up with fun activities for your child and his friends to do together. Watch the video, take a ride in the car.
Planning skills
Discuss plans with the whole family. Build priorities together. Listen to your child's opinion. Give your child the opportunity to plan family events. For example, a daughter can cook dinner, and a son can plan the route for a family trip out of town.
Conclusion
The development of a teenager occurs over a long period of time. And it continues until adolescence. And it doesn’t end at all immediately after the child becomes a teenager. This path of development is always accompanied by a change in age stages, and at the same time a change in personal priorities. Changing the ways of communicating with people who take part in the growing up of a teenager and the formation of his personality. During these contacts, the teenager has to deal with a huge number of different kinds of people, peers and adults.
In a word, both the future teenager, and the one who has just entered adolescence, and the one who will say goodbye to him today or tomorrow, have to adapt to a wide variety of circumstances, to changing conditions of existence.
When a teenager begins to think about himself, to analyze his “I”, which is in the period of formation. He needs stability. But this stability cannot be given either by the school, because significant, necessary changes are constantly taking place there, or by a group of peers. There is no stability in his own interests and thinking - after all, he constantly feels all the changes that occur both inside and outside of him.
Stability, which is certainly necessary in order to truly understand oneself, in order to feel comfortable, can only be provided by a family.
Who, besides parents, except close people, brothers, sisters, can accompany a child all his life?
After all, everything changes - kindergarten is replaced by school, primary school moves to secondary school, secondary school ends, and contacts begin with those with whom the teenager encounters while preparing for higher education, in the army, in the structure of other relationships. And these are all new people. And new tasks, new requirements.
And the family is that unshakable foundation that remains from birth and “for the rest of your life.” But only if the family correctly understands its tasks, correctly understands what it can and should give to the teenager, and correctly organizes the entire system of relationships with him.
© ThinkstockIs your sweet baby becoming aggressive, irritable, and sometimes even unbearable? It looks like all the delights of adolescence await you.
Remember that your teenager is a fully formed personality who longs to win his place in the adult world.
Each teenager copes differently with this difficult age for him and everyone around him.
Some people find care and understanding in the family, while others need to look for like-minded people in a completely different world.
And here the teenager will find not only positive examples.
Remember that psychologists call many of the reactions and actions of such teenagers “normal adolescent syndrome.”
Mutiny
Boys and girls discover new possibilities and the ability to think very rationally. They often exhibit a critical mindset. Teenagers have their own views on everything and express quite reasonable judgments.
Parents must endure the spirit of contradiction, treating all such antics calmly and gently defending their position.
Remember that being an independent and self-confident person is not so bad at all.
Instability and disorganization
A former neat and obedient baby begins to throw his things around the room, is late and categorically refuses to brush his teeth? Does his mood change from unconditional happiness to complete depression and despair?
This behavior is typical for adolescence. A teenager experiences everything new in his life very intensely: love, fear, fear of making mistakes, successes and disappointments.
Indecision and lethargy
A teenager has the physical and intellectual abilities of an adult and is ready to realize his ideas about life. At the same time, he is constantly limited, forced to follow imposed rules, responsibilities and ideas about life.
The result is disappointment, which can slow down and block the teenager's behavior. If you do not support your teenager in time, his academic performance may sharply deteriorate, excessive timidity and difficulties in communication may appear.
A very common problem at this age. In addition, the teenager gives himself over to irrepressible fantasies.
Often a teenager is dissatisfied with his appearance, having a complex about his height, weight, glasses and everything that distinguishes him from the ideal depicted in his imagination.
For a teenager, shyness is a painful problem, because of which he suffers greatly. Timidity and shyness are always associated with low self-esteem. All this prevents the teenager from at least normal contact with others.
The role of parents in this case is to prove to the child his value and importance for the whole world and for his family in particular.
Leaving home
The reason for running away may be a bad relationship with parents. A teenager just needs to know that he is loved and appreciated no matter what.
The second reason for leaving home may be the desire to prove one’s independence. After returning to your native land, it is extremely necessary to find out all the motives, explain all the contradictions and problems that have arisen in the family.
Alcohol and drugs
The desire to taste the forbidden fruit in adolescence manifests itself especially clearly. Many people start trying alcohol and soft drugs. All this can lead to drug addiction.
Signs of drug addiction
Sudden drowsiness alternates sharply with mild euphoria and hyperactivity.
Constant mood swings and lack of appetite.
Severely dilated or constricted pupils.
Difficulty speaking.
Trembling and irritation of the skin around the nose.
Constant need for money.
Change of friends and environment.
If a teenager becomes dependent on alcohol and drugs, parents should not panic, but calmly and persistently treat their child.
And the best healer at any age, as you know, is unconditional love for your child.
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One of the most frequent topics for discussion on the Internet is the problems of teenagers. Both my friends and I have often encountered this, so I hope that this article will help other modern teenagers to fix something in their lives. One of the most important teenage problems is quarrels and arguments with adults. So first you need to figure out what is behind it.
Problem number 1 - we are no longer children.
During the period that is usually called adolescence (which is approximately from 12 to 18 years), a person changes a lot. He grows up, begins to understand himself, listen to himself, and turns from a child into an adult. And it is at this age that a child learns to live separately, take care of himself and his environment. Because of this, the child moves away. He has already grown beyond the age when he is looked after, but is still too young to fully support himself . We already want to seem like adults, but to our parents we still remainchildren- that's the pointproblems for a teenager. But how to deal with this?
- The first thing you need to understand is that quarrels and arguments will lead nowhere. You need to communicate calmly, without raising your voice.
- Secondly: do not try to hurt or offend. Do not compare either children or parents: “But Nastya...”, “But Aunt Lena...”. This is unpleasant and offensive, it does not bring any benefit, but the person begins to look for a problem and think that he is somehow different, imperfect and wrong. If the mother can still swallow the insult, then the teenager will begin to think that he is bad and his parents do not love him. If you talk about your child, you pay attention only to his actions, and not to how others are doing.
- Third: try to find a general solution to the problem of the teenager's behavior. That is, you really need to hear the opinion of the parent and the teenager. Talk. We're old enough to understand. But also communicate with us like adults, and don’t scold us like little children.
Problem #2 When parents complain about us.
Let's imagine a situation when adults, in front of a teenager, begin to complain about him to someone outside. Familiar, right? They complain to a lot of people: friends, teachers, relatives and acquaintances in the store and at a party. Why is this happening?
I can identify two problems:
- When parents want outside support. In fact, this is a complaint not even specifically about the teenager, but about the fatigue of the parent in general. An adult also wants to be comforted and supported. Even we understand this sometimes! But what you complain to us teenagers is very offensive!
- Second: when the parent wants to confirm his opinion. It is usually presented like this: “Well, even Aunt Lena agrees that two C grades are very bad!” Well, it's cool that she agrees. Believe me, we also know that getting five is better than getting three. Maybe it’s better to go crazy about why this happened?
In both cases, this is a big problem, especially when it is said directly in front of a teenager. Don't do this please! If you are tired, say so directly. Or at least think about why you so want to complain to that STRANGER person about your own child. I think the best way out is simply not to take family quarrels out of the house. If you quarrel, this is only your business, your emotions and there is no need to devote anyone else to them. Solve everything at home, alone, calmly.
Problem No. 3 - teenager's pocket money.
Next, I want to talk about another problem, which, by the way, is an excellent example of finding a joint solution to the issue. undergrowthok asks for more than they give him. Mom and daughter argue over money. My daughter wants to buy herself something, but she doesn’t have enough money. She believes that she should be given more pocket money. Mom thinks that this thing is not very necessary and that she should not give her daughter too much, since this spoils her.
Here are a few ways out of this problem:
- Great option - educationteenagerhandling money. At the beginning, the child is given a small amount of pocket money. Then, as the daughter grows up, or when the teenager learns to handle finances better, this amount increases and the mother begins to include jewelry, accessories, stationery, and gifts for relatives and friends.
- An alternative solution to financial issues: Instead of pocket money, the teenager finds a part-time job that provides her with pocket money for small expenses. It may not be a difficult job, but the child will have his own money.
Parents, here are some more comments on the topic of pocket expenses - please read them and never do this. By these actions you are terribly offending teenager!
- If you give your child money, don't take it back!
It is very disappointing for a teenager when the money they gave you is taken back. If you have already agreed that you will give funds, try to at least reduce the amount due to an offense, and not take back what you gave from the teenager. Imagine you were paid a salary at work. You decided to buy a dress, gas up your car, go to a concert - whatever. And your boss comes to you and says: “We have problems, this amount needs to be returned.” How will you feel?
- If you gave money to a teenager, that's his now, period.
Let us decide for ourselves what we will spend it on, whether we will save it or spend it on the very first day. Nobody tells you how to manage YOUR funds. If you don't want to give money, it's better not to give at all. This is very offensive for us. Teenage interests are different, remember that
- If you want your son or daughter to learn how to handle finances, give them complete freedom in this matter!
How often do you hear phrases from parents: “Well, I bought some nonsense, it would be better if I bought myself a new pencil case, this one over there is already scary,” “Are you saving? What are you saving for, I’m interested to know? Well, it’s only for toys.” for children!". And it turns out even worse if the teenager listened to you and bought with his own money what you thought was necessary. And then, in response to her request, she receives: “Well, no, I won’t buy this garbage! You had the money, so I should have left it!” This is very unpleasant, believe me.
Problem #4 “But I’m your age...”
There is a point that could be classified as the second, but I want to talk about it separately. Admit it, children, teenagers, adults, how many times in your life have you heard: “But I’m your age...”. This phrase is usually followed by a story about the parent’s difficult childhood and adolescence and the conclusion: your parents worked so hard, but you are still lazy! Well, admit it, almost everyone has heard this, and more than once. So, dear parents of teenagers, now to you. Don't say that please. You compare us with you, but you completely forget how many years there are between us! You lived in different conditions, in a different time. You have your time, your life, and we have ours. We haven’t seen your past, we haven’t lived in it, and we simply don’t know how to live differently. And you are not teenagers now and do not live in our modern world! It’s not that simple for us either!
Problem No. 5: the realization of a parent through his child.
Essentially, it's very related to "Here I am at your age." This happens when mom or dad really wanted something when he was a teenager, but there was no way to make it happen. And now, when they already have their ownchildrenthey try to givesomething that we didn’t have time to try ourselves, while completely forgetting,maybe it's not interesting at all! And when the protest begins, we hear in response - what? That's right: “Are you also indignant? Yes, you should be happy! When I was your age, I really wanted to play the piano, but I couldn’t solve this problem. But you can!” This is terrible to hear as a teenager! And this is absolutely wrong. Did you want to play the violin? But your son wants to go to football. Have you wanted to learn German? And your daughter wants to learn French. Modern reality is different, and your child is a different personality. And this is important to understand.
We are not a copy of our parents, we are completely different people.
We teenagers may not want to do what you love and that's completely normal. And extra activities will not add joy, but will only take up time. This also includes other hobbies, other tastes, a different style of clothing and behavior. The modern world is different. And that's absolutely normal!
instead of a conclusion.
Here I talked about the problems of modern teenagers. About what hurts us, offends us. I shared my opinion on how you can help us. You know, there are still a lot of teenage difficulties - lessons, not enough time, you always owe something to someone, but these are all trifles, if you understand us!
Parents, love your children! This is the main solution to the problem. Try to understand the teenager. Don’t quarrel, but come to an agreement, not just prohibit, but explain why you are against it. Don't think that we teenagers don't need care - we need parental love and affection like no one else. We are still children. If you want to make us happy, love us as we are! We are different. We are people. We want to be ourselves. But your support is important to us, even if it seems that the teenager doesn’t care. This is wrong! We love you very much too! After all, children and parents are family, relatives and friends.
How can the K.O.T training center help?
We understand the difficulties of children and parents, we know them “from the inside” and from all sides. That's why it's great when children start attending. Their outlook on life and relationships with their parents change. It’s interesting when this happens - a teenager who attends training persuades a parent to go with the words - I also want you to understand!!! And the result then exceeds all expectations :)
If the issue of relationships between children and parents is relevant to you, we are waiting for you at our trainings!
Psychological problems and difficult quests accompany the life of a child during the transition period to adulthood. They prove their independence to their parents, build relationships with their peers, develop new ethical and social principles for themselves, and learn about the world from previously unknown sides. With a sense of altered identity comes individual and collective responsibility, and this comes with many complications.
Adolescent problems appear between the ages of 13 and 16.
The main problems of adolescence are related to relationships with parents and peers.
Causes of problems that arise
Errors in raising children are one of the most common psychological causes that cannot be called diseases in the generally accepted sense, but they are akin to them. Often they come against the child’s will, and when he most wants understanding and support, he receives condemnation and pressure instead.
Adolescence begins at 11-12 years of age The behavior model of a child at this age depends on the type of his character, the society that surrounds him, lifestyle, material wealth, family composition and many others.
A teenager pays attention to those values that help him define and form his own attitude towards the world around him. It’s good if he is satisfied with the present and at the same time focused on the future. But this doesn't always happen.
Main problems of teenagers The easiest way for him to communicate is with his peers, and if this is not the case, the child remains deeply traumatized. He wants to get acquainted, be liked, share the interests and norms of a group that is attractive to him, maintain his independence and individuality, express his feelings and express his opinion without fear. A teenager strives to become an adult as quickly as possible; it is important for him that everyone understands this. A role model is an active and successful person, focused on achievement. A teenager dreams and fantasizes, comes up with his own laws and condemns the behavior of the adults around him.
Causes of inadequacy and fears
Adolescence is characterized by psychological inconsistency. Often they cannot articulate what they really want. Shyness and aggressiveness can coexist in one person; he gravitates towards extremes. When faced with dangers, a teenager overcomes difficulties and, if they successfully overcome them, accumulates new experience. As awareness develops, he understands others better and gradually gains support for further growth.
The inconsistency of adolescents is one of the reasons for conflict At this age, a teenager fully begins to understand the categories of past and future, he discovers that existence is finite, and this causes him anxiety and fear. Only awareness of his independence and individuality inspires him with confidence. At this time, it is important for him to find understanding, the opportunity to reconcile his own feelings with the mood of others and adapt to established norms.
It is especially dangerous when there is a big difference between the feeling of your ideal “I” and what actually is.
What affects teenagers For this reason, problems of early adolescence and abnormal behavior in society appear. Psychologists explain this situation by the lack of a positive attitude towards oneself, the mandatory components of which are:
- positive attitude towards other people;
- Confidence in your strength;
- a sense of self-worth as a result of communication and activity.
Otherwise, after mistakes in communication, the teenager declares that no one needs him, they don’t understand him and don’t love him.
Adolescence - main features At this age, along with mental maturation, a person undergoes a global restructuring of his physiological state. He has increased attention to his body, he is concerned and worried about the comments of other people. He tends to exaggerate even minor flaws in his appearance from recognized norms. Any opinion from others is part of his self-image, be it a compliment or criticism.
Self-esteem and its influence on behavior
Conflicts are often associated with the attitude of adults towards a teenager, whose opinions influence his self-esteem. An awkward, inadequate and offensive attitude causes aggressive or depressive behavior in a teenager, which in some cases develops into chronic neuroses.
The formation of self-esteem is influenced by a sense of belonging to a certain social group and awareness of one’s own importance. Belonging is always security. This important feeling arises from infancy, and during the period of growing up it is tested for strength, being rebuilt. A sense of self-worth strengthens approval from others and competence in any field of activity.
Teenagers' self-esteem - how it is formed in different ways Low self-esteem can be the result of past violence, an incorrect psychological attitude dependent on the opinions of other people, and the indifference of loved ones. It is important for parents and teachers to know about its significance for a teenager and the consequences of its violation. To a child, the whole world may seem hostile to social manifestations, he perceives everything as a threat to his safety, life appears in black, which he does not try to correct. He does not know how to build relationships, is embarrassed by his appearance and is prone to judging others.
Adequate self-esteem makes a person trusting and friendly to the world. Difficulties for him are an opportunity for growth. He is sure that without him, the world will become worse.
The formation of self-esteem is a long process; both parents and teachers participate in its formation.
Irritability and short temper
Teenagers strive to change, but due to their minority, they cannot perform actions characteristic of adults. Sex is the most accessible means of self-affirmation; everything else is still closed, and teenagers feel deprived. Unconsciously, they sense injustice and are ready for an outburst of anger at any moment. Another reason for hot temper is changes in the body’s hormonal levels, the condition of which can be compared to premenstrual syndrome.
Almost all teenagers are very irritable Aloofness and unsociability
Conditions that are associated with conflict between the child and society. He perceives the assessment of himself and his behavior by others as an indisputable characteristic, not taking into account that his peers or the adults around him may be biased or ruthless. The child feels like an outcast and, not feeling supported, constantly finds confirmation. This forces the child to hide and seek protection so as not to receive another psychological trauma.
Alienation of adolescents manifests itself in ignoring adults The assessment imposed by peers, teachers and parents is extremely difficult to change at this age.
Conformism
Adaptability and unscrupulousness forces a teenager to be as is accepted in his group or his environment. A clear manifestation of conformism is the desire to be fashionable. In an atmosphere of advertising proliferation, this trait is very common.
In adolescents, conformism takes on an exaggerated content; sometimes he is afraid of being different from everyone else and falling behind the rules of the group to which he belongs. This mood makes the child dependent on peers, and feels uncomfortable at a distance from them. By adapting, a teenager can do things that are harmful and illegal.
Adolescents' conformity is formed under the influence of their environment To prevent this from happening, it is important for a child to be able to say “no” to what will harm him. This requires courage and confidence. He should know that the ability to say “no” is cool and worthy of respect. The one who knows how to defend his position is most often a leader. Once a teenager is refused at least once, his confidence in his abilities grows.
Drugs and addiction
Everyone knows about the dangers of drugs and the harmful consequences of use, however, the problem remains. This is often due to conformism. It is difficult for a child to refuse if everyone he considers his friends is doing it. It seems to him that if he refuses, he will be considered a stranger. For the sake of confidence and stability of his position in the group, the teenager first tries drugs and after that cannot stop.
Teenagers' protest results in prohibited actions Drug addiction at this age is especially dangerous because the part of the brain that determines the creative direction of activity is not sufficiently formed. Drugs stop its development and it is extremely difficult to revive the ability to create later without medications.
Adolescent drug addiction is a way of protest In adolescence, a child revises his scale of values and accepts those that help him enter a new stage of life. Ideally, over time, the child socializes, his goals become more conscious and aimed at the common benefit.
Hello everyone!) My name is Katya. I am 14 years old. I want to tell you about the problems of teenagers. And about ways to solve teenage problems, because it is very difficult with a teenager. And it’s not easy for him either. I know for myself.
When we talk about teenagers, we most often mean that they themselves are a problem for parents and teachers. But no one thought about how the children themselves felt at this time. After all, adolescence is a period that is a fine line between a child and an adult. On the one hand, there is rapid physical development and puberty, and on the other hand, changes in psychology, plus first love and complex relationships with peers.
A teenager’s world is changing before his eyes, and it is very difficult for him to adapt to these changes. Therefore, you should not resolve controversial issues by shouting and constantly pointing out mistakes made, because he already feels bad at heart. It is better to find out what problems teenagers have and try to hear them.
Many adolescent problems manifest themselves in communication and relationships. And adults, not trying to understand their child, find excuses: “He has become uncontrollable, we are not an authority for him!” It is not right! The relationship with your child remains the same, it’s just that a teenager is not a child, and there is no need to manage him anymore: a teenager feels uncomfortable under pressure.
Problems of adolescence: why they arise and solutions
- Problems of teenagers and parents often arise due to the fact that parents do not give their child the right to privacy and try to control it.
The teenager thinks that you want to harm him and tries to contradict and do the opposite. Understand that teenagers do not like being controlled by their parents, especially in their personal lives! And the main way to solve a problem with your teenager is to start trusting him.
- A child should have a life that teenagers do not have to let their parents into.
This could be a room that the teenager furnished himself, or some kind of purchase. To parents who have given their child freedom of choice, the children themselves tell the details of their separate lives. Previously, the family was a teenager’s whole world, but now it is just a part of it.
I had problems with my parents, but I was lucky: I was able to make peace with them, and soon my parents began to trust me. To do this, I began to behave consciously and listen to their opinions. If my parents start to put pressure on me or yell at me, I consciously say that this is unpleasant for me and explain my position on this matter with reason.
I appeal to all parents: trust your child, especially if he is a teenager. And then you will see, as stated above, that the teenager himself will tell you what interesting happened, and may even turn to you for help.
- No less painful are relationships with peers and classmates.
Everyone is growing up, and at the same time in each class a struggle for leadership will begin, all sorts of nicknames will be invented. It is unpleasant for a teenager when, for example, he is the subject of ridicule in class. And it is doubly difficult for a teenager to cope with all his problems if his parents do not understand him.
I had, and still have, some problems with specific classmates. These are 2-3 people, and I already know how to deal with them: for example, if someone yells at you, just ignore him. If a classmate touches you (pushes you, hits you), turn to your parents and believe, they will help you, and you should not be afraid to tell them everything, because such problems can drag on and go very far. Don't be afraid.
Communication problems are not the only and not the most difficult for all teenagers. Many of the problems of modern teenagers are in the minds of the children themselves:
- “Why doesn’t he like me?”;
- “How to find a common language with this or that?”;
- “What should I do to make my parents understand me?”;
- “Why are almost all people two-faced?”;
- “How do I know what to do?”
I think that almost every teenager asks himself such questions and does not know how to solve them. It is much easier when you have the support of your parents, because they can always help you and tell you what to do.
In fact, it is not easy for a teenager to cope with teenage problems, because he is just beginning to see and understand what the world really is like, and believe me, it is also very difficult for me to understand everything, because I am a teenager like everyone else.
