Civil marriage - family relations without a stamp in the passport The decision to live in a civil marriage is taken independently by each of the partners. However, the responsibility for developing the relationship lies equally with the man and the woman.
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Deciding on a civil marriage everyone should understand that euphoria will sooner or later be replaced by everyday life... Probably, life, sexual relations, social obligations towards each other and your relationship in general will change.
What do men and women think about civil marriage?
The survey, which involved men and women of different ages and social status, showed that, entering into a civil marriage, men are often guided by the goal of preserving freedom. But many girls do not dare to have a civil marriage. Who is right? In fact, the truth, as usual, is hidden in the middle. And civil marriage has its pros and cons.
Sexual relations in a civil marriage
A plus... At best, you will be each other's only sexual partners. In addition, having regular sex with a regular partner is the best way to prevent sexually transmitted diseases.
Minus... With the advent of other partners in your sex life, the risk of sexually transmitted diseases increases many times, along with the likelihood of conflict and breakup.
Civil marriage and life
A plus... Ideally, you take care of each other, run the house together, everyone does their own housework, spend leisure hours together: do a common hobby together, have an active rest, communicate with friends and relatives.
Minus... In the worst case, there is a "one-sided game" or everyone is more concerned with themselves.
Relationship psychology in a civil marriage
A plus... Civil marriage can be an excellent continuation of a close relationship, both for a man and a woman.
Minus. For men, as a rule, the postponement of the date of the wedding and their social status in a civil marriage does not cause any special worries. But the psychological balance can be shattered against the backdrop of everyday troubles and constant debates about the girl's desire to become a "legitimate wife" and give birth to "legitimate" children. Confirmation of my words can be found on many Internet forums, full of dissatisfied statements by girls regarding civil marriage.
The main problems of civil marriage, from the point of view of girls:
- they were not officially recognized as their wives;
- children born in a civil marriage are socially unprotected.
Against the background of discomfort for these reasons, a girl may develop depression, and her depression is not only her problem, it is a common problem, since conflicts can occur on the basis of these experiences. And sooner or later, everyone will have to make a decision: to leave or stay, which means taking responsibility for the further development of relations.
Depending on how you will build your relationship in a civil marriage, this stage of the relationship can end in different ways.
Options for the outcome of a civil marriage
1. Both of you will be fully satisfied with permanent residence in a civil marriage, and you will live, live and make good... Such cases are known to history, but they are rather exceptions to the rule than a pattern.
2. At a certain stage of relations in a civil marriage, by their actions or inaction You will provoke the girl / man to leave or leave yourself.
3. In the process of developing relations in a civil marriage, you will understand that really love each other and are ready for a formal marriage.
Social responsibility in a civil marriage
If you really love each other, of course you will care about each other regardless of whether your relationship is registered with the registry office or not. Breaking up in a civil marriage, as in an official one, is stressful for both partners.
Adherents of civil marriagebelieve that in the event of a break in relations, a man and a woman do not owe each other anything. This is not entirely true, all large joint acquisitions are divided equally between common-law spouses, according to the legislation of Ukraine.
Children born in civilian marriage (which a man in the same registry office recognized as his own), have the same rights as children born in an official marriage.
Civil marriage statistics
During the first year of life, 18% of couples decide on a civil marriage; during the second - 20%; during the third - 17%. People living in a civil marriage for up to four years are more likely to decide on an official marriage than couples who have lived together for more than five years and have given birth to children. For various reasons, couples living in a civil marriage most often separate in the first year of marriage (almost 20% of couples), in the second - about 5% of couples, etc. Both women and men interviewed by us believe that planning a child is the main reason why it is worth legalizing your relationship in the registry office.
So is it worth living in a civil marriage?
Igor Ivanovich Gorpichenko, Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor, Chief Sexopathologist of the Ministry of Health of Ukraine, General Director of the Ukrainian Institute of Sexology and Andrology, shared his thoughts on civil marriage with us.
People meet, it seems to them that they love each other, and there is not a single laboratory, not a single specialist who will say that this is love. Sometimes people at first glance understand that they were created for each other and are not mistaken. Others mistake being in love for love. Falling in love passes quickly enough, there is psychological discomfort, conflicts that lead to sexual and psychological disharmony in a couple. If the conflict situation is not resolved in time, a divorce is brewing. Breaking up long-term family relationships is especially painful when there are already children and it is necessary to divide the jointly acquired property.
Civil marriage - divorce prevention
According to statistics in Ukraine, 30% of divorces occur due to sexual disharmony, about the same for social reasons (lack of money, housing, etc.). But any problem is easier to prevent than to solve. And a civil marriage will help in this.
Unlike romantic encounters, civil marriage - living together, makes it possible to pass both sexual tests, and the ability to build harmonious relationships based on the compatibility of your interests, aspirations, habits, worldview.
Sexual harmony
Regular sexual relations will allow you to study sexual habits, sexual appetites of each other and achieve sexual harmony. Sexual compatibility is undoubtedly important in the harmony of the relationship of a married couple. The significant role of sexual harmony in a couple is evidenced by the fact that 30% of divorces occur precisely because of sexual disharmony between spouses. Therefore, sexual attempts before marriage (civil marriage) are completely justified. Although family happiness has its secrets.
Selfishness is the main enemy of family well-being
Realizing the expectations of both partners is of no small importance for family well-being. One of the main causes of conflicts is the "failure to meet the expectations" of women. Women make the mistake of expecting her chosen one to be "a prince on a white horse."
Consumer attitude towards a loved oneas well as competition (which is often the case in most couples), this is not love, it is selfishness. Selfishness is inappropriate in a prosperous family; it is the main cause of conflicts, psychological sexual problems that inevitably lead to sexual disharmony.
The key to family well-being
- Family well-being can be built only on a solid foundation of a common worldview and mutual love: trusting relationships, mutual understanding, mutual respect, mutual concern and compromises. All these components of family well-being will help to evaluate a civil marriage.
Civil marriage - practical preparation for an official marriage. Every second couple living in a civil marriage decides to formalize the relationship. Both men and women consider mutual love, planning and the birth of children to be the main reason for entering into an official marriage. Life in a civil marriage is not yet a guarantee, but it is already a reliable platform for building a strong and friendly family. Only a civil marriage will help you revise your relationship with a potential spouse. Through experience in a civil marriage relationship, you can reduce the risk of choosing the wrong life partner and create a happy family.
- People lie most often in the afternoon, study found
DatsoPic 2.0 2009 by Andrey Datso
Recent sociological surveys confirm the dynamics of an increase in the proportion of couples living without marriage registration.
The reason for the increase in the number of civil marriages is caused by the desire to avoid responsibility for each other, for joint children, solving property issues, which are inevitably resolved upon entering into an official marriage.
Opinion polls have shown that a stamp in a passport is most often desirable for women. Official marriage is associated with the future stability of the relationship, further planning of joint goals, formalized parentage for children and insurance in case of divorce. For men, an official marriage is a kind of threat to personal freedom, property and financial risks in the event of a divorce, and a large share of responsibility. As statistics show, the need for marriage is most often recognized in the case of the birth of joint children.
This approach to marriage deliberately lays in the subconscious mind the possibility of divorce, if problems arise in the marriage. Avoiding problems and unwillingness to seek compromises further aggravate the stability of the institution of marriage. In fact, cohabitation cannot be called a serious relationship, because the door is always open in them.
The main reason for marriage is most often called "mutual love". However, if the future spouses are confident in their feelings, there is no reason for negative thoughts about a possible divorce. An easy attitude towards a possible divorce among modern couples leads to the loss of the ability, necessary for a strong marriage, to seek and find compromises, to understand each other. Sociologists talk about other, real reasons for marriage. Only 75% of women in a happy marriage named love as the reason for marriage, for 14% of the respondents, sympathy was the reason, the rest of the respondents named the desire to get rid of loneliness and a short-term hobby. Women from unsuccessful marriages only in 27% of cases named love as a reason for marriage, another 17% married out of sympathy. The share of women who wanted to get rid of loneliness, who got married for a short-term hobby, or who found it difficult to answer at all is significantly higher in unsuccessful marriages. Of the men surveyed, the answers were received in approximately the same ratio, while about 25% of the respondents found it difficult to answer.
Some psychologists give advice to young couples, before getting married, to try themselves in a civil marriage. This approach is designed to a greater extent for those who avoid family life and responsibility for the family. As a positive result of a civil marriage, in their opinion, the registration of relations in the registry office will be. However, practice shows that getting used to easy informal relationships contributes to the fact that a man and a woman postpone the decision to marry again and again, believing that in the current situation everything suits them and there is no need to change something. At the same time, the essence of living together is lost - taking responsibility for your family, mutual understanding and respect. In the event of any life changes, a civil marriage will be the first to fail.
Regularly conducted studies show that a man living in a common-law marriage most often, when asked about marital status, will answer that he is free. At the same time, the woman will answer that she is married, which indicates her serious attitude to the issue of marital status. In addition, in the event of a break in unlawful relations, a woman with a child cannot expect to receive alimony or half of the jointly acquired property.
Taking into account all the prevailing factors, a compromise option is more preferable - at the beginning of cohabitation, immediately stipulate the possibility of further registration of relations and determining the approximate time frame for making a final decision. But in any case, formal marriage should remain the ultimate reference point for all couples.
In modern world? What is the purpose of people getting married today? The answers to these questions are found in the significant variety of thoughts of each person to whom they are addressed. Having their own calculation, their expectations in a personal, individual understanding of the reasons for striving to tie themselves by family ties, modern people, often, hastily make decisions of a unilateral order. We'll live like this for now, and we'll see. In other words - at random, letting everything go by itself. Today this form of relationship is commonly called "civil" marriage. That is, relationships that, by and large, do not bind and do not burden partners. And what is the factor keeping them close? It is a sex drive that plays a primary role in building relationships between men and women.
When getting married according to the "civil type", very often "newlyweds" do not even for a second think that they have already lost what they have not yet acquired - these are relations that are strengthened by law. It just doesn't get to them. After all, the only common interest in a "civil" marriage is sex, by and large. And if something does not suit you, then what is there to be fooled about - packed up and goodbye. What is there to be trifle with? No one owes nothing to nobody. Is not it?
What makes people legally marry in this situation? One of the most common reasons for this action is an unplanned pregnancy. Reactions to this news can be very diverse. Some are happy, some are scared, etc. But let's look at the situation in a positive way.
Reconciled and reconciled completely. We got married. This time already legal. By the way, as we can see, it is also not planned. It would seem that the child is the very common thing that should unite the family and force all disagreements and misunderstandings between the spouses to be resolved.
But it was not so, it turns out. As the everyday life of our life shows, the child is at the mercy of all the contradictions that arise in the newly created family.
Getting married: why legalize a relationship?
Based on the knowledge and discoveries that the newest and exact science of the human psyche, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan, is sharing with us today, we are able to understand that sexual attraction is not the only factor that forms the legalized relationship between a man and a woman at marriage. If a young couple is sexually attracted to each other, then of course, this is the main sign that yes, you can be the perfect couple. But you cannot build a long-term relationship and live life together with a person on only one attraction. Since the unconditional sexual attraction between a man and a woman lives up to three years. This is the necessary period in order to have time to get married.
Experiencing an interest in each other against a sexual background, and at the same time being in a legal relationship, young spouses have all the prerequisites for creating strong emotional ties that will not let their marriage collapse even after their mutual sexual desire has weakened. Since a stable and mutual emotional connection is a source of mutual understanding, finding common interests, intellectual kinship, which in turn interdependently constitutes a full-fledged harmony of family life.
When we legally marry, we are at the same time limiting ourselves by law, just as it happened with our primitive human ancestor. We became human only thanks to the first laws. So, in the sense, a legalized marriage is still the foundation of a full-fledged family. If you are in a family, observe the law in order to preserve its integrity. If you do not comply, it means you are not in the family, so there was no family. That is, to enter into a civil marriage does not mean creating a full-fledged family, even if a child has appeared. Modern society is a person and a law. By losing the law, we are losing the state. The woman wants to belong. A man to own. These desires are realized by a legal marriage.
Getting married: reasons for disappointment
But today there are also other reasons that are destroyers of family happiness. The main one is that we are used to identifying other people solely by their external manifestations. For example, there is a personable-looking man, richly dressed, neat and tidy. The woman will look and think to herself: “This is how handsome and wealthy,” and decides to create a relationship with him. And he will turn out to be just a sexual user, which changes sexual partners like gloves. Today one, and tomorrow another. Representatives of the skin vector are prone to such actions.
Or another example: a decent anal man, whose main life values \u200b\u200bare home comfort, family, children - that is, an exemplary family man who married a skin-visual woman who does not at all strive to have children, being by nature not giving birth. She has no maternal instinct. She doesn't stay at home. This is the only type of women who have their own specific role. Her desire is to be in sight, to look at new "pictures", that is, everything is new and beautiful. All men want it. Stranger among women and own among men. Best for all children in the area, but never gave birth to her own.
System-vector psychology shows that a man is attracted by a woman with an opposite set of vectors. It is given by nature that opposites complement each other.
Before striving to get married today, you need to understand that the psyche of a modern person is arranged in a complex way. The average set of vectors is from two to five. And depending on the temperament, level of development and implementation of vectors, one or another life scenario is created. As an individual, and in a couple and society. This is the fundamental reason for understanding the internal properties of another person.
By getting married, and understanding our soul mate from the inside, we get a solid foundation for building family relationships. Today it is no longer necessary, having acquired a bad experience, to rush again to a new extreme, leading to new disappointments. System-vector psychology is a modern tool that serves to understand oneself and the people around them by their inner content. And from this it follows that a systematic approach gives us all the prerequisites for the preservation and development of an integral, qualitatively understanding the world around, society.
Get married: family and children
Surviving at all costs and continuing oneself in time is the principle of human existence. From primitive communities to modern society. Children is our future. It has been and always will be. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines the inner qualities of a person as unconscious, mental - a hidden set of desires set by nature. And in each innate vector this set is different. From birth, a person is given properties that correspond to their desires and the possibility of their high-quality realization in the future. This is all set, but not provided.
With each generation, the psychic increases in volume. And each new generation of people is fundamentally different from us in the strength of their desires. Therefore, entering into marriage, a huge necessity, in addition to understanding each other, is the understanding and difference between the internal properties of the future generation - their children. After all, it is possible to develop the talent of a little person only by accurately identifying him. The modern generation of children is endowed with a very large volume of the psyche, which at the same time is vulnerable and vulnerable to external factors.
It is important to understand the inner aspirations of the little person and direct him to their development. A person realized in his properties is the key to the success of modern society. If a child is born and matures in a dysfunctional family, then this often causes irreversible damage to his mental development. For example, a child with a sound vector in potential is a genius. And with improper development, he can get autism, schizophrenia, become a drug addict or even commit suicide. Potentially, a leather worker is a legislator, a talented engineer, or a pathological thief, with a scenario for failure, with erroneous development.
And vice versa. By systematically understanding the psyche of a child, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to disfigure it. Having entered into marriage, having behind us a unique store of knowledge that system-vector psychology provides today, we are guaranteed to be able to ensure a happy future not only for our marriage and children, but also for the qualitative development of the entire society, which, more than ever today, needs to eliminate psychological illiteracy.
The article was written using materials from trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
