Society for the Protection of Women from Husbands of Tyrants. Where to go in case of domestic violence. Where to go for help in case of domestic violence

Today she did not add salt to her soup, yesterday she brightly painted her lips, and last month she was late at work for two hours ... Even if you follow all the orders, stop communicating with your friends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.
What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

Concrete cubes of high-rise buildings coldly reflect glass, protecting privacy. Each block of apartments has its own secret. Domestic violence against women is almost a taboo subject. Women try not to advertise such relationships, children are afraid to talk about it ...

Violence is a reflection of the swamp of the soul

Domestic violence for this woman is familiar, like borscht for lunch, but always shockingly scary, like the first time her beloved husband raised his hand against her.

Today she didn't finish the soup, yesterday she put on bright lipstick, and last month she was late at work for two hours. The list of unacceptable acts is growing, the psychological pressure is growing. Even if you follow all orders, stop communicating with girlfriends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.

What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

Not every woman experiences domestic violence. This tragic scenario develops only if each partner has certain properties given by nature.

Causes of domestic violence - an unsuccessful wife or a bad husband?

She married Dr. Jekyll, but is regularly abused by Mr. Hyde. Children every day fearfully await the return of their father. Lessons learned perfectly, there is not a speck of dust in the house, the soup recipe is rechecked with all care. But late at night, a stern husband and father enters, the reason for discontent is found, and again there is no protection and nowhere to hide from his heavy hand.

Each person is created according to the principle of pleasure. He applies his properties and receives joy, satisfaction from this. But when innate properties do not find realization, voids arise, so-called frustrations, a person feels unhappy. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains what the features of the manifestation of frustrations in each are connected with.

Domestic violence is not uncommon these days. Such a threat can be emotional, psychological, physical. These are repeated violent actions by one person in order to control, intimidate, inspire his victim.

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is deliberate coercion, or the action of one person over another, the rapist does not take into account the will and interests of the victim. Such pressure ends in bodily injury, emotional trauma, developmental deviation, damage. The main difference between such pressure is that it is committed between close people who are related.

Domestic violence can take many different forms. Often, boys are subjected to sexual, physical aggression. Elderly, vulnerable family members are subject to pressure. There are times when wives commit violent acts against their husbands. But according to the above statistics, over 70% of the victims are women and girls.

Where does domestic violence start?

Domestic violence differs from the usual one in systematically repeated actions, cyclicality:

1. Rising tension. The rapist gets annoyed with or without. Such tension is denied by both the injured party and the perpetrator, justifying what is happening with stress, trouble at work, or feeling unwell. Gradually, the victim tries to relieve tension, to please the partner. Even if she manages to relieve tension for a while, after a while it grows again with even greater force. This stage of pressure can last for months, or develop into a stage of active violence in a few days.
2. Active domestic violence. The rapist is looking for a way out of the accumulated tension. Violent acts are committed without outsiders and can take several minutes or several hours in time. Regardless of the form of pressure, it is always accompanied by insult and humiliation. It is not uncommon for a perpetrator to blame the victim for their actions. Neither the perpetrator nor the victim no longer deny the fact of the abuse, but they downplay the severity of the abuse.
3. Repentance. This period is accompanied by a temporary respite, remorse, relative calm. The offender, by any means and means, atones for his guilt, inspiring the victim to believe in a better future. The victim is given the illusion that domestic violence in the family will disappear. Although the offender continues to blame the victim and prove the fact that it was she who provoked him to such actions.

The last stage does not last long, soon everything repeats in a vicious circle. If everything is left as it is, if the victim stops resisting what is happening, the stage of repentance may disappear. Regular violence against women gradually worsens the physical, the victims, which causes the need to leave. But often on the way there are a number of reasons that prevent you from changing the situation and leaving the offender. This is the fear of being left without funds, losing housing, children. It happens that the relatives themselves convince the victim to stay with the rapist.

Psychological abuse

The psychological rapist has a sharp change of mood, inadequate jealousy, low self-control can be traced. He is able to take offense at even minor criticism. In a conversation, he often resorts to profanity, screams, threats. The psychological rapist swears unearthly love to his partner and immediately throws accusations of a spoiled mood in his direction.

Psychological violence against a person is accompanied by a number of signs:

• constant criticism;
• insults and humiliation;
• hidden insults in the form of caustic nicknames, ridicule, contemptuous chuckles;
• the desire to make the victim guilty;
• open disregard;
• silence;
• blackmail;
• compulsion to do bad things.

moral violence

Emotional pressure is the impact on the psyche, emotions of a partner by intimidation, threats of insults, criticism, condemnation. Moral domestic violence is expressed through dominance, which manifests itself:

• a ban on communication;
• surveillance;
• permanent presence;
• restriction on contact with the outside world;
• assigning the role of a breadwinner;
• sexual abstinence.

Also, emotional abuse can be expressed through a form of manipulation. The purpose of such pressure is to subordinate the feelings and actions of the victim to their personal beliefs. Signs of such emotional pressure are extremely difficult to recognize, since the actions of the rapist are secretive, fully conscious. But some characteristics can help identify and prevent bullying in time:

• bragging, when the husband extols his qualities, achievements over those of his wife;
• provocation for the slightest oversight;
• the flattery of the wife so that she begins to praise her husband;
• lying, withholding specific information in order to make the victim worry, to do something for the sake of the truth.

Physical violence

Physical violence in the family is manifested by beatings, bodily harm, torture, which negatively affects the health of the victim. At the same time, such tyranny can manifest itself as minor beatings, as well as murder. Physical pressure is based on dominance, aggression, so it has a gender orientation. Many women perceive such actions on the part of their husband as normal. If domestic physical abuse is manifested against children, in the future they become cruel towards others.

Why does a husband beat his wife - psychology?

There are two types of men capable of raising a hand against women:

• those who themselves awaken rage in themselves, calling and humiliating their wives, awakening even greater anger in themselves;
• those who are naturally cold-blooded and capable of beating their wife half to death without regret.

Based on this, psychologists identify a number of reasons why a husband beats his wife:

• provocation by a woman;
• genetic predisposition;
• alcoholism;
• , self-affirmation in the family;
• trouble-free childhood, when all the boy's desires were fulfilled from the first word "I want".

What to do if the husband beats?

Psychologists advise to analyze the current situation, to find out the reason why the husband beats. Not always the cruelty of a man arises from nothing. Try to have a calm conversation with your spouse. If the conversation does not solve the problem, try contacting a family psychologist. If you want to save your family, remember that love will not help you re-educate a person, only a psychologist with the help of your husband's psychotherapeutic correction can eradicate domestic violence.

Domestic violence - what to do?

Psychologists recommend breaking off relations with a person if there is violence in the family. But not every woman is ready to change her life, to leave her tyrant spouse. Do not try to justify the actions of your husband, do not respond to requests to return, do not believe the promises of a better future. Otherwise, in a few days you will regret that you did not find the strength to change your life.

Types of domestic violence:

. physical violence in the family- deliberate infliction by one family member of another family member of beatings, bodily harm, which may lead or has led to the death of the victim, a violation of physical or mental health, damage to his honor and dignity;

. sexual violence in the family- unlawful encroachment by one family member on the sexual integrity of another family member, as well as acts of a sexual nature in relation to a minor family member;

. psychological violence in the family- Violence associated with the impact of one family member on the psyche of another family member through verbal abuse or threats, harassment, intimidation, which deliberately causes emotional insecurity, inability to protect oneself and may or may be harmful to mental health;

. economic domestic violence- intentional deprivation by one family member of another family member of housing, food, clothing and other property or funds to which the victim has a legal right, which can lead to his death, cause a violation of physical or mental health.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, please contact the following authorities first:

Today, most of the statements and messages about the commission of such offenses come to the service local police inspectors. But the implementation of measures to prevent domestic violence, within the limits of the powers granted, is also assigned to other bodies:

- juvenile criminal police, whose powers, to the same extent as that of the service of district police inspectors, extend to cases where the victim of domestic violence or the person with respect to whom there is a real threat of committing domestic violence, as well as the person who committed domestic violence, have not reached 18 years of age;

- guardianship authorities providing assistance in restoring violated rights and protecting the legitimate interests of minors with parents and living in families, orphans and family members recognized by a court as legally incompetent, in cases where they have been committed or there is a real threat of violence in the family ;

Specialized institutions for victims of domestic violence, which include:

- crisis centers for victims of domestic violence (crisis centers), organizing the provision of psychological, pedagogical, medical and legal assistance, as well as, if possible, providing shelter for the temporary stay of family members who may become or have become victims of violence;

- centers for medical and social rehabilitation of victims of domestic violence where victims are accommodated (with their consent or at their request) based on the decision of the medical commission of the center. They stay in these centers for the period necessary for treatment and psychosocial rehabilitation;

- specially authorized executive body for the Prevention of Domestic Violence can accept and consider applications and reports of domestic violence and refer victims of domestic violence and family members who are in real danger of committing violence to specialized institutions for victims of domestic violence (crisis centers, medical centers - sanitary rehabilitation);

- Youth Social Service Centers carry out social inspections of dysfunctional families together with employees of the juvenile affairs service. The objects of social inspection are families where children are registered with the internal affairs bodies, in the juvenile service, who have experienced domestic violence, adult family members who are registered in the narcological dispensary, in the internal affairs bodies, violating moral, ethical and legal norms society.

Applications and messages about the commission of domestic violence are accepted by all the listed bodies at the place of residence of the victim.

Family members who have committed domestic violence bear criminal, administrative or civil liability. But before this happens and the domestic tyrant is really punished, a lot of time and effort must be expended.

As a rule, the procedure is as follows. The district police officer receives a statement from the victim. The precinct collects materials; if the fact of domestic violence is established, draws up an administrative protocol under Art. 173.2 and sends it to the court. The judge makes a decision. After that, the district police officer starts a preventive card and a savings case for a family tyrant, while simultaneously registering him on a professional account. He has been registered for a year. Once every three months, a district police officer visits his family.

Read more http://gorbunov.od.ua/publ/7-1-0-31

In order for the relevant authorities to start carrying out activities to prevent domestic violence, it is necessary to provide personal request for help in connection with violence or about the existence of a real threat of domestic violence.

In cases where the message or statement did not come from the victim personally, he can simply express a desire to apply appropriate measures for the prevention of domestic violence.

In addition, the law establishes a rule according to which, in order to apply measures to prevent violence, it is sufficient to report the use of violence in the family or a real threat of its commission against a minor or incapacitated family member. According to this rule, a message can come from any person or organization, but the Instruction of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, in our opinion, unreasonably narrows this rule to the concept of “directly from this minor or incapacitated family member or from bodies and institutions that are entrusted with the implementation of measures to prevent violence in the family”, which limits the ability to protect the interests of this category of persons.

Information about violence or a real threat of violence in the family can be obtained from any organization entrusted with the implementation of measures to prevent such offenses, as well as from executive authorities, local governments, enterprises, institutions and organizations, regardless of ownership, associations of citizens , individual citizens, as well as from publications in the media.

In addition to the listed organizations, information about dysfunctional families may come from the penitentiary authorities, educational authorities, health authorities, judicial authorities, and housing and communal services.

All these circumstances can serve as the basis for special measures to prevent domestic violence.

After receiving a report or statement about domestic violence, information about this is transferred to the service of district police inspectors of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, who are now granted the right to: issue official warnings to family members about the inadmissibility of committing domestic violence and the inadmissibility of victim behavior; issue protective orders.

An official warning about the inadmissibility of domestic violence is issued by the district police inspector regarding a sane person who has reached the age of 16 at the time of its issuance. This is done against a receipt at the place of residence of the person who committed domestic violence, or in the office premises of the district or internal affairs bodies. If a person refuses to sign the said documents, an appropriate entry is made in these documents in the presence of witnesses or victims (if any).

Simultaneously with the issuance of an official warning, a person who has committed domestic violence must be registered for preventive care. In this case, registration cards are issued for such persons, which are registered in special journals.

In case of departure of a person accepted for preventive registration, together with his family, to a new place of residence, the card is sent to the territorial body of internal affairs at the new place of residence.

Registration cards of persons for whom preventive work is terminated are stored for a year, after which they are liquidated, and a note is made in the registration log about their destruction.

The basis for removal from preventive registration is: the end of stay on preventive registration for a period of one year; a court verdict on bringing a family member who committed domestic violence to criminal liability in the form of imprisonment; prolonged (more than one year) absence from the place of residence; death of such person; a written application from the victim or a petition from the bodies and institutions responsible for the implementation of measures to prevent domestic violence, for early removal from the preventive register due to the fact that the real threat of repeated violence has passed, and in connection with the correction of the behavior of such a person.

After receiving an official warning, in the event of repeated domestic violence, the district police inspector, in agreement with the head of the internal affairs body and the prosecutor, issues a protective order establishing a ban on the relevant actions of the person who committed domestic violence for a period of up to 30 days from the date of approval of the protective order prosecutor.

A protective order may prohibit: the commission of any intentional act of a physical, sexual, psychological or economic nature in relation to other family members; obtaining information about the location of the victim of domestic violence; searching for a victim of domestic violence, if the victim of violence voluntarily is in a place unknown to the person who committed the violence; visiting a victim of violence if she is temporarily not at the place of common residence of family members; conducting telephone conversations with the victim of violence.

The legislation provides for only two cases when the issue of issuing a protective order is not considered and it is not issued: if the victim of domestic violence has been issued an official warning about the inadmissibility of victim behavior; if there are signs of a crime in the actions of the person who committed domestic violence.

The injured woman/child is given a legal assessment of what happened. She writes a statement, the participants and witnesses of the conflict are being interviewed. Then the first official warning is issued to the domestic tyrant, an administrative protocol is drawn up, a fine is collected from the offender, and now administrative arrest has also begun to be applied. Within three days, the police must inform the Department for Family and Youth Affairs about this, and if violence is committed against a minor, the juvenile service of local state administrations. If there are bodily injuries, a referral is issued for a forensic medical examination. In case of repeated violence in the family, the police issue a protective order, it is approved by the head of the police and agreed with the prosecutor of the territorial district. If the rapist continues to mock the victim, then this threatens him with criminal punishment.

If you find yourself in such a difficult situation, not only psychologists and the police can help you. First of all, you yourself must strive to protect yourself. The favorite phrases of Slavic women are “be patient, fall in love”, “darlings scold - they only amuse themselves”, “husband and wife are one Satan”, be sure, in this case they will not work. Remember folk wisdom: God saves man, who save himself . Don't close your eyes to the real facts, don't force yourself to ignore the violence. Keep the above phone numbers handy, preferably your children also know them, so you will feel more secure.

More information on the website http://www.yurpractika.com/article.php?id=0000702

Unfortunately, domestic violence is one of the most discussed topics in Russia. Who is to blame - the rapist or the victim, is it possible to beat children for educational purposes and is it necessary, in principle, to endure beatings in the hope of ephemeral changes, says family psychologist and psychotherapist Marina Travkova.

Marina Travkova

Marina Travkova, family psychologist, systemic family psychotherapist, member of the Society of Family Counselors and Psychotherapists.

What is violence

Violence is dangerous, harmful and nobody needs it. Nevertheless, this is a big complex problem of our society, and the main thing here is not to go to extremes. Inequality always underlies any violence. A person who feels equal, most likely, will be able to answer something, stand up for himself - the situation will become visible, and he will try to get out of it. But where there is a hierarchy, where there is a manifestation of the power of one over the other - for example, a teacher and a student, a coach and the one he trains, a prisoner and a guard - there is a ground for violence. Another important marker is how people behave after a breakdown into violence. If this is just a breakdown, then the person will be ashamed - he will not relieve himself of responsibility for what happened and will try to do everything so that this does not happen again. And it is quite another thing when a person does not repent, continuing to insist that he was driven or provoked. With these words, he transfers the levers of his behavior to another person. At the same time, neither the pain of his partner, nor his fear stops him - he, quite possibly, even enjoys his own power.

When women or men are admitted to the hospital with bruises or bruises, this is just the tip of the iceberg. There is invisible violence, which in its effect is no less destructive and toxic than physical and sexual violence - it is difficult to detect it, and it is not subject to either criminal or administrative prosecution. We are talking about psychological and economic violence. About situations where a person takes a salary from his partner, forcing him or her to beg for money, or about relationships when a person is humiliated for a long time and with the help of manipulation they try to force them to do something against their will.

Most often, women suffer from domestic violence. If we look at the hierarchy - who is weaker and who is stronger, then the ratio is clearly not in favor of women. Moreover, this applies to all aspects of life - both socially and economically in our state, a woman is not well protected. She often depends on the man.

A man is encouraged by society to defend his rights - to fight, to impudent and active courtship. He cannot become limp or cry, but he has the right to hit. If a man cries during a conflict, it will be strange for the public consciousness. It makes more sense if he starts to fight. For women, the opposite is true. She, on the contrary, must soften sharp corners, be polite and resolve all conflicts with words, and for physical proceedings between women there are offensive labels such as “cat fights”. The male fight always remains real fight.

The manifestation of violence does not correlate with the level of intelligence or social well-being. There are many cases when educated and even brilliant people showed violence towards their loved ones. A person can be anyone, a professional in his field, a high-ranking official, a doctor, an intellectual - his social status in itself is not a guarantee for those who are close to him. Violence comes from the possession of power and the desire to hurt another. That is why it occurs in any environment, including in a prosperous one.

Who is guilty

It is never the victim's fault that she was hit. She can't be held responsible for a fist flying in her face. The one to whom this fist belongs is responsible for it. But society nevertheless often tries to find an excuse for the rapist and blame the victim for everything. This behavior can be explained by the social phenomenon "just world". We all know that we are fragile and mortal, and that anything can happen to us. But we prefer to "close" ourselves from this knowledge and live as if we are in control of the situation: if we behave Fine And Right, then the world will respond in kind. If I treat people kindly, they will be kind to me. If I love a person and care about him, then he should reciprocate me. This is one of the basic human illusions. And when a person is faced with a difficult situation, for example, a woman sees her friend with a broken face, then the first thing she will ask will be: “Why is he doing this to you?” This is a defensive reaction, an attempt to preserve the idea of ​​a "just world", in which a friend supposedly did something wrong and got punished for it. It is difficult for us to come to terms with irrational and unjust cruelty, with the cruel truth of our defenselessness and the danger of the world. We prefer to believe that we are immortal - we plan something for years ahead and live as if we are in control. That is why the first feelings experienced by the victim herself are shame and guilt. The concept of a "just world" is so strong that the victim himself begins to look for causal relationships and try to find the situation in which he behaved wrong. This is necessary in order not to make such “mistakes” in the future. After all, if you behave Right then everything will be fine again.

This is a strong cognitive distortion, and if the victim remains in this situation for a long time, her psyche is deformed. She believes that if she says differently, dresses differently, smiles differently, does something differently, then the beatings will stop. This is a very strong psychological defense, and in order to “break” it, awareness and awareness are needed. And we have problems with this. After all, our society focuses on the victim herself - on what she is wearing, how she behaves. Women do not want to admit that this is possible, and men - that they are capable of this. In this situation, it is important that there is a person next to the victim who will support and tell the simple truth that violence is in principle unacceptable.

The same concept of a "just world" says that if you were attacked by a stranger on the street, then you deserve pity and support from society. Although in the case of sexual violence, there is no guarantee that the person will receive support. Nevertheless, it legitimizes the fact that you are the injured party and have the right to complain. Domestic violence is getting worse. A woman may think: “It seems that I chose him myself, he is a good father and looked after him so beautifully at the very beginning.” This makes her even more embarrassed. And since none of us is able to turn off feelings in one second, she can still continue to love her tormentor. In addition, it often happens like this: in the morning, a husband hit his wife, and in the afternoon, as if nothing had happened, he talks to her and smiles. A woman does not understand how this is possible, she is lost, she ceases to believe in her own perception. She must combine this image of him being aggressive with his own romantic advances, falling in love, children and family. It is difficult for her to realize that everything has collapsed. Only tens of hundreds of thousands of women are able to immediately pack their things, pick up their children and leave. But such women, as a rule, have somewhere to go - there are relatives who will accept and support them. But if there is neither support nor ways to retreat, then the situation is looped. The woman continues to live with her rapist, and the longer she lives with him, the more she is afraid and the less she understands herself. All the more, unfortunately, society has reasons to say: “She didn’t leave.”

There are many reasons for violence. There are organic reasons, a person is incapable of empathy, does not know how to feel other people. Often, violence is reproduced by those who themselves were subjected to violence in childhood. A newborn child is a blank slate, and what behavioral patterns will be formed in him depends on his environment. Violent people grew up in an environment where there was no opportunity to develop. When they are angry, they have no control tools and no impulses to stop them. Agree, every person at least once wanted to hit or even kill someone. Why don't we do it? Not only because it's scary. We feel the suffering of another person. We have mirror neurons, and we try on ourselves the pain that we can potentially inflict on another. And we are hurt by the representation of someone else's pain. But if a person was raised with the idea that he is better than others, that strength is the main value and priority, or violence was used against him, then growing up he becomes a potential rapist.

People who practice domestic violence were interviewed and tried to find out why they did it. So, they had a lot of excuses, reasons: they just wanted to teach or teach a lesson, they themselves were brought up, they argued with them, but there was nothing - this is all a text that shows the attitude towards another not as an equivalent. Partner must be equal to you. Is it possible to teach a child through beating? We are responsible for him and are obliged to teach him everything we know, but to beat him and say that it is for his own good means to destroy his psyche. Subsequently, he will think that “love and beat” is the norm. That love is humiliation.

The most common myths and stereotypes associated with domestic violence

Violence is an element of education

Violence is not only bruises, bruises and scars on the skin, it is also a blow to the personality. Often, people who were systematically beaten, growing up, say: "I was beaten, and nothing - I grew up as a man." But nevertheless, research suggests otherwise - such children behave worse in stressful situations and in adulthood have an increased risk of encountering various kinds of addictions, for example, becoming drug addicts or alcoholics.

Child abuse affects various aspects of his life and reflects badly on his future. The world is becoming unsafe for him. He has more relationship problems - it is harder for him to believe that he can be loved just like that.

Violence is a manifestation of love

The phrase “hitting means loving” has nothing to do with love and can be interpreted as “you are my property, and I have the right to do whatever I want with you.” Even if a woman sits at home, and the family lives on her husband's salary, this does not give him the right to beat anyone - neither his wife nor his children. This is not love. Love implies equality - you are together voluntarily. From the moment of the first blow, you will never know if the person is with you voluntarily or out of fear.

In the family - between husband and wife - there can be no sexual violence

If people live together for more than one year, then it is unlikely that sexual desire will be at the same level every day. People can be sick, tired, sleepy, and simply don't want sex. And also not to want it for a thousand more reasons. And forcing a person to have sex with you against their will is raping them. Women, often driven by the fear of being abandoned or by the myth “if I have a husband, I have to,” force themselves to have sex at the request of a partner, but this is a destructive and harmful practice. Neither you nor your partner are required to have sex if you don't want to. It happens that men get angry and ask: “How is it, why doesn’t she want to? Why did you marry me?" Well, when I left, I wanted to. It means that something has changed, and you need to look for reasons if the relationship is dear to you. Look for the causes of cooling and eliminate them. But nothing gives you the right to rape your partner. Do you consider sex a vital necessity, “take it out and put it down”? You have the right to look for another partner. But don't rape.

According to survey results, more than 70% of women in our country have been subjected to psychological violence by their spouse at least once, and in every fourth Russian family, the husband raised his hand to his wife at least once. Law enforcement statistics are even more horrifying - according to findings from studies of criminal cases initiated for murder and grievous bodily harm, more than 40% of female victims of these crimes suffered at the hands of their own husbands or lovers. Why does a man, who should be the closest and dearest person, a reliable support and a gentle caring friend, turn into a tyrant and a sadist? What to do if a loved one raised his hand for the first time or if the husband beats regularly?

"Vicious circle" of domestic violence

It is difficult to imagine a girl or woman who would agree to a relationship with a man who beat her on the first date. On the contrary, potential tyrant husbands in the early stages of courtship show such qualities as romance, caring and a strong desire to patronize their beloved girl, so it is not surprising that the fair sex fall in love with them without looking back. During the candy-bouquet period, it seems to a woman that her chosen one will always be so attentive and caring. The appearance of the first "bells" indicating the true nature of a sadistic man - unreasonable jealousy, verbal rudeness against his beloved, attempts to limit the circle of friends of the chosen one, violence towards other people, etc., women usually ignore or try to explain the behavior of the chosen one by irritability due to fatigue , excessive care, fear of losing a loved one.

However, sooner or later, such a man raises his hand to a woman - his girlfriend or wife. As a rule, this happens at the stage when a woman is already deeply in love with a man and cannot imagine life without him, therefore, having experienced a shock after what happened, she will not dare to break the connection, but will try to find an excuse for her chosen one. And it will be found - usually after the first physical violence against the "beloved" woman, the man asks for forgiveness, fills his wife (or girl) with flowers and gifts and swears that he will never raise his hand to her again. And the woman believes, convinces herself that her lover is really good, and the fact that he once broke loose is due to fatigue, and in general, she herself is to blame, as she somehow provoked her beloved, but more this will not happen again.

But alas, in most cases, a week, a month, a year or several years is repeated. The man again raises his hand to the woman, and then asks for forgiveness, and she forgives him. After the second time, the third, fourth ... tenth, and so on in a circle, but only very soon the link "a man asks for forgiveness" will fall out of this vicious circle - having become a habit, the homegrown tyrant will no longer apologize to the victim, he will simply lead himself after the beating, as if nothing had happened.

Perpetrator and victim are two sides of the same coin.

Undoubtedly, the blame for the use of physical force on a loved one lies only with the rapist, because no family member has the right to raise a hand against another, but the cause of domestic violence lies both in the rapist and in the victim. In many cases, when a woman who has broken up with her husband who beat her enters into a new relationship, her new chosen one after some time also begins to show violence towards her, since it is inherent in a woman. This complex is often the result of psychological trauma received in childhood, and the most striking signs of a person with this complex are self-doubt, the desire to please others, fear of making decisions, fear of expressing true feelings, a subconscious desire to arouse pity in others for themselves and the search for "protector".

A female victim "attracts" a male rapist, since the jealousy inherent in such men, the desire to limit the chosen one and make decisions for her are mistakenly perceived by a woman as signs of a "real man" who can protect her from a hostile world. In turn, a male tyrant also often suffers from an inferiority complex, emotional disturbances, fear of authority, etc. Such a man asserts himself and receives emotional release by beating a weaker person - a girlfriend or wife, but more than half of domestic tyrants will not dare to fight with equal opponents.

A self-sufficient and happy woman is unlikely to tolerate a man with complexes next to her, therefore such men are looking for insecure and psychologically weak life partners who will not be able to give a proper rebuff in case of violence and will silently endure the bullying of an unbridled domestic tyrant. Therefore, male potential tyrants and women with a victim complex find each other by entering into.

Beloved hit for the first time: what to do?

A woman who regularly suffers domestic violence receives a deep psychological trauma, a number of complexes develop in her, which are fertile ground for depression and even suicidal tendencies. Therefore, if a girl does not want to turn into a frightened, unfortunate creature after a few years of living with a home-grown tyrant, she must make sure that the first manifestation of physical violence really becomes the last. To do this, you can use the following methods:

1. Give an equal rebuff to the rapist. Unfortunately, not all people can be negotiated using exclusively non-violent methods, and in most cases it is useless to persuade a sadist. If a woman gives a decisive rebuff, she ceases to be a victim in the eyes of a domestic rapist, and the next time he may simply be afraid to raise his hand, remembering that he will receive change.

2. Do not accept an apology after a beating, but give an ultimatum. When, after the first incident of violence, a man begins to apologize, and a woman forgives him, she thereby accepts the rules of the game of the rapist. There is no need to start moving in a vicious circle, but you must immediately put an ultimatum - "next time I will leave." If a man really loves a woman, he will moderate his ardor, as he will be afraid of losing her. But if a second beating has occurred, then no matter how strong she is, you need to keep your promise and leave.

3. Help a man overcome his complexes, increase his self-esteem. Only a few succeed in this, because it is necessary that a man first of all realize the existence of a problem and want to find a solution to it. A woman can guide and support, but only he can cope with his complexes.

4. Seek a psychologist together.

Withdrawal is the only way out for those who are regularly beaten

Women who regularly suffer beatings from their husbands need to discard the illusory hopes that the sadist will come to his senses and change - the likelihood of such a turn of events tends to zero. A man who is accustomed to assert himself at the expense of his wife and "drive" negative emotions on her is unlikely to want to change anything - he is comfortable having a silent victim at hand. Therefore, for a woman, the only way out in such a situation is not to wait until the domestic tyrant crosses the final line and the crime he committed against his wife adds to the terrifying statistics of law enforcement agencies, but to leave her husband and write a statement to the police about him. After parting with a tyrant, a woman needs to contact a center for victims of domestic violence, where experienced psychologists will help her overcome the victim complex and.