Human relationships are extremely complex things. Just recently, love and mutual understanding reigned between a guy and a girl (or between a husband and wife) - and suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, quarrels and arguments over trifles began. As a result, each meeting turned into a series of conflicts that arose literally out of nowhere. What is this? End of love? What to do? Let's not rush to put an end to it. This is just the first crisis in the relationship.
Causes of the crisis
When a guy and a girl in love start dating, they, of course, expect that their meetings will always have a positive emotional connotation. And that relationships will develop easily, without tension and omissions. Well, how could it be otherwise? After all, they understand each other so well, so they can always find a common language and overcome all obstacles! However, sometimes very little time passes, and complete mutual understanding disappears somewhere, dissatisfaction with each other’s actions or words appears, and irritation arises from every little thing. The result is endless quarrels, often leading to a complete breakup. There is nothing surprising about this. And this gap between a man and a woman is most often erroneous. Because almost everyone experiences a crisis in the first year of a relationship, even very loving couples (but they don’t always know what to do now).
Why is this happening? Because with any communication that takes place over a long period of time, sooner or later disagreements arise. There are no normal relationships without quarrels and conflicts. Even if a guy and a girl love each other very much, they remain two independent individuals with their own individual character traits, their own aspirations and views on the world. And the reasons for the crisis in the first year of a relationship are precisely these differences, which in the heat of initial passion we often forget. And often, due to our inexperience, we simply do not take them into account, which, in general, is impossible to do.
"How?" – someone will object, “What are the differences?! My beloved husband (boyfriend) and I are absolutely the same! Our views on life completely coincide, we have the same hobbies and aspirations, and we always try to do everything together! Therefore, there can be no crisis in relationships! Where will it come from if we simply have nothing to quarrel about?” Of course, there are also couples for whom everything coincides. And the peace and quiet that reigns in the relationship between husband and wife has completely satisfied them for many years. But practice shows that more often than not, both of them get bored from “quiet, calm and smooth,” and the couple, which seemed so reliable, suddenly breaks up without much fuss. Therefore, it is quite possible to say that the crisis in your relationship is in some way an indicator of the normal process of development of these same relationships and progress in the adaptation of a man and a woman to each other.
Quarrels between a man and a woman during such a crisis can arise literally out of nowhere, regardless of their desires and will. The reason for them can be every little thing, which, in essence, has no meaning in life. A whole chain of conflicts develops from little things, and now neither of the two remembers how the disagreement began, and tries to find non-existent shortcomings in the other, and reproaches himself for not noticing these pseudo-shortcomings before. And he comes to the conclusion that he was mistaken, and it’s time to end the relationship before it’s too late, and that there’s simply no point in taking any steps towards reconciliation. Stop here! When a crisis occurs in a relationship, we all tend to attribute negative qualities to each other that in reality are not there at all.
Blinded by our emotions, we can easily break up with our husband, who, after the wave of emotions subsides, will again seem like the only and best in the world. And God grant that in this case we can get everything back. But the opposite often happens: a loved one, who has done all sorts of things in the heat of the moment, is already irretrievably lost, and now even if you hit your head against the wall, there is no return to the past. And all that remains is to regret what you have done and try to forget forever about the past moments of true love. What to do, what to do? How to overcome a crisis in a relationship and understand that this is really a crisis, and not the death of initial love?
How to survive a relationship crisis
So, our mutual love and enthusiasm for getting to know each other suddenly disappeared somewhere, replaced by constant quarrels and determinations about who is more right. And now everyone begins to seriously doubt their choice and sees the chosen one in a completely different light. Don't rush to conclusions. During such periods, the main thing is patience and the opportunity to look at your own actions from the outside. Perhaps it is we who show intemperance and provoke our loved one into conflicts, trying to cling to his every step? If this is so, then you need to first of all take care of yourself and try to develop in your character such a quality as patience. In a relationship between two people, it is akin to a magic wand - it will always help at critical moments and save love from destruction. This is the main answer to the question of what to do in difficult situations and how to survive a crisis in a relationship.
If a period of conflict suddenly begins in a couple who has been loving until now, both of them need to remember: there is always a reasonable way out of any situation. Therefore, there is no need to rush and make drastic decisions about a breakup. It’s very easy to break everything, but to create it again... It’s better not to take rash steps and find a compromise based on respect for each other. It should be taken into account that a man and a woman are like different poles of the globe. They have different thinking, different psychology, different worldviews and life positions.
Often, inexperienced girls who do not know how to survive a crisis in their relationship with a guy mistakenly attribute their own views on the world to him. Don't make this common mistake! Men think differently and perceive a crisis situation in their own way. Usually the stronger sex strives to avoid scandals, therefore, if they become frequent, many guys simply refuse to meet even with a very desirable girl. If a loved one does just this, the girl should analyze her own behavior in order to understand whether she is the instigator of constant quarrels and whether there is a good reason for these quarrels. Otherwise, your loved one’s attempts to hide somewhere can lead to an undesirable outcome: sooner or later he will simply find a quieter corner for himself.
Of course, before thinking about how to overcome a crisis in a relationship, you need to think carefully about whether love still exists between husband and wife. Perhaps, in reality, this is not a crisis at all, but the death of love, which there is no point in experiencing for too long. It is advisable for the girl to resolve this issue together with the guy, calmly expressing her complaints to him.
When someone begins to doubt their feelings, you can break up for a while to understand whether you really need this person. If it’s difficult without him, the world has become dull, and life seems meaningless, then you should think about how to behave when relationships become aggravated. If after a day or two we begin to forget about the existence of a previously loved one, well... Then it’s better to break up and not fool each other.
When we are convinced that we need a person, and conflicts are really a consequence of a crisis in a relationship, we need to think about whether we are reconciling correctly after quarrels. After all, truce is a whole science. Usually girls believe that the guy should be the first to take a step towards him and take a wait-and-see attitude, even if they realize that they are the wrong side in the conflict. The guy, in turn, does not want to follow his lover’s lead, and also waits for her to step towards him. How to be in this case?
Of course, all women really want men to beg for their forgiveness, throwing themselves on their knees and showering them with flowers. They especially strive for this when crises occur in your relationship; women are very vulnerable emotionally, and such crises are always a great shock for them, leaving a deep mark. A loved one on his knees and with flowers is in some way a cure for the stress he has suffered, an opportunity to smooth out its negative consequences. But!!!
Let's think, dear girls, about who our so courageous guy can turn into if we start constantly breaking him, forcing him, whether on his knees or not, to ask for forgiveness for something for which he is not to blame. As a result, if this person is sufficiently pliable, instead of a strong man we will get a weak-willed subject, completely dependent on our opinion, worthy not of love, but, at best, of condescension. At worst - contempt. Well, if our beloved has a persistent character, then sooner or later he will get tired of regular boozing on his knees; manhood is a powerful thing! And then he will either force us to respect this dignity, or simply disappear from our lives. And the loss of a real man is a great loss.
In order to avoid such consequences of crises in relationships, let us, dear girls, learn to take independent steps towards reconciliation. After all, we are interested in the preservation of relationships, and in having a self-sufficient, reliable man next to us, and not a slobber and a weakling, to whom it is absolutely impossible to trust ourselves. In addition, it is we who are given by nature to be wiser and more patient, and it is we, and not men, who are endowed with a greater ability to forgive. Therefore, let us not take on the functions of a harsh accuser; true happiness cannot be built on this.
However, it cannot be built even if we, even when a crisis comes, completely adapt to our loved one, trying to guess all his desires and please him in everything. This will not lead to anything good, it will only give rise to a feeling of disdain for us in the guy. You should always behave with dignity and every minute you should remember that every girl is an individual, with her own character, beliefs and aspirations. And you need to respect this personality in yourself, and make others respect it. Therefore, in order to get out of conflict situations, we need to be able to choose a path that will not become destructive to our personality.
In a word, truce is the art of respect both for your loved one and for yourself. It is necessary to learn this art, because it maximizes how to overcome a crisis in your relationship with minimal risk of its collapse. How should he study? Where to begin? Here are some good tips that, at first glance, have little to do with the ability to put up; however, these tips help you become more attentive to your loved one, form a correct opinion in him about himself, and in yourself about him:
- Before deciding on a serious relationship, let's think about what we like in people, what traits of their character irritate us, how we see ourselves in love and what we consider our shortcomings. This will help you determine your own behavior in relationships with a representative of the stronger sex and control yourself if necessary;
- If a relationship already exists, let’s think about how dear the person is to us and whether it’s worth making efforts to overcome the crisis. If there is no special desire to be with him for the rest of his life, then the question of a truce after conflicts will disappear on its own;
- When meeting a loved one, we try to form the most complete opinion about him, learning as much as possible about his tastes, habits, outlook on life, etc. In order to find out how compatible we are with him and how he will behave in critical situations, if we disagree with something in his views, we openly express our point of view, observing his reaction (not only what, but also how he will do) ;
- When disagreements arise, we try to be sincere towards ourselves and try to understand the true reasons for the guy’s dissatisfaction with our behavior. If he has grounds for this dissatisfaction, we try to correct our own behavior.
Take care of your happiness!
Now we know that in relationships, crises not only always happen, but also should exist, because they are the moment of truth. And you need to overcome them patiently and persistently, otherwise there can be no talk of any serious relationships with worthy men. You need to approach the first crisis in a relationship with particular caution and attentiveness, because it is the one that, more than others, is capable of very quickly destroying such a fragile union of two hearts. If we consider the people dear to us and respect their opinions, our chances of happiness will increase significantly. And what, my dear girls, could be more desirable in this world than this all-consuming, all-conquering and so powerful female happiness?
When I got married (a little over a year ago), I was most afraid of quarrels. I didn’t want to repeat the fate of my divorced parents or abandoned girlfriends, and I read a lot about family relationships. Now the period has ended when I can say with confidence that what I read was useful to me.
As you know, there are different typical crises that every married couple goes through. We did not escape the crisis of the first year of family life, and now I can tell you how to survive a crisis in a relationship. I’ll make a reservation right away - I’m not a psychologist or a specialist in couples, I’m just a woman who went through this and is ready to talk about her experience.
As I knew even before the wedding, the second half of the year in family relationships is the most difficult. But no matter how prepared I was for this crisis, it still came. I don’t know what it’s connected with for others, but for my husband and I it was something like this: we were terribly tired of each other. We started quarreling over little things, the reasons were really ridiculous:
- lack of personal time;
- lack of personal space;
- lack of attention;
- life in family relationships;
Psychologists say that it's about the end of falling in love. When we are in love (we don’t love, but we experience this feeling of wings behind our backs, lightness and some moral intoxication), we secrete special hormones that dull our feelings.
Psychologists say that this can really be compared to alcohol or drug intoxication. After six months, the level of these hormones begins to fall, and our eyes seem to open.
It was pretty tough for me and my husband. It turned out that both of us were not quite ready for family life as such. That is, we still loved each other, wanted to spend our whole lives with each other, but how can we explain this? Everyone wanted to live their life.
I wanted to take care of work and my appearance, study and travel, and I was not against doing all this with my husband. He, in turn, wanted to lead a quiet family life, to live the way he lived with his parents - chess after dinner, good English TV series, pies on weekends.
As for the wedding, for the first six months after the wedding we both lived some kind of fictitious, ghostly life of newlyweds - we reveled in our new status, furnished the apartment, went out to dinner and dance. In general, they behaved like children pretending to be adults.
And when the rose-colored glasses fell from our eyes, it turned out that family life cannot exactly replicate the life of each of us. It became clear that we would have to learn to live together - and preferably happily, without giving up our desires and dreams.
How to improve relationships
One of the main misconceptions in family relationships is the belief that the cause of problems lies in the partner. I was terribly dissatisfied with my husband at that time; I was uncomfortable with almost everything - from sex to dinners together. It seemed to me that this person was pulling me down, not allowing me to soar and have fun. I could hardly restrain myself from talking frankly with my husband, and again took up my books.
I needed to find a way out because all the existing solutions to problems did not work for me. At the same time, I thought very deeply about plans for my future life. Theoretically, it turned out that my husband was really suitable for me:
- we are people of the same circle, level and income;
- we have the same views on family and marriage;
- we want approximately the same things from life (if we talk about some global things).
Girls, if you have similar problems, be sure to analyze whether you need this person next to you. I understand everything, you may have children, live together, you have spent a lot of time, effort and money on this relationship, but it is better to go through a divorce once than to suffer all your life.
If you constantly quarrel with your husband, be sure to think about what you have in common? What do you have in common? Love is love, but this is at least illogical. There must be the same views, the same beliefs and goals. Only in this case does it make sense to try to save the relationship.
The next step to take is to talk to your husband. In family quarrels, you probably say a lot of unpleasant things, and it is important to convey your true feelings to your spouse.
In my case, it was a mixture of irritation and at the same time - great love, warmth and gratitude to him for everything. I was not comfortable in our family relationship, and it was important for me to let him know what exactly scared me.
I held the conversation at the dacha, the atmosphere was conducive - a fireplace, delicious food, some dry wine. Based on the results, I can say - talk about what worries you. For example, I thought that now I couldn’t have personal money, I couldn’t spend anything on my appearance, I couldn’t meet my girlfriends on Fridays.
My husband believed that we would no longer have romantic dates, that I would no longer organize small holidays for him, and that I would never learn to bake these damn pies.
A good conversation shattered all fears. I promised to learn how to make pies, he told me that he is absolutely not against my meetings with my girlfriends - especially in those moments when he himself leaves to play billiards with friends.
Next steps
You already understand how to overcome a crisis in a relationship, you just need to think carefully and talk carefully. But how to live further so that there are no more crises in family relationships? We decided the following:
- Once a month we go to the dacha and have a heart-to-heart conversation;
- we write notes to a friend with wishes (it’s easier for both of us to write than to say);
- Once every two months we go to a psychologist for preventive measures.
At this stage, it is very important to understand whether you have any serious complaints against each other. We didn't have any, just a bunch of little things and accumulating irritation because of them, so we decided that we could handle it ourselves.
I advised one of my friends in the same situation to go to a psychologist - first alone, and then together with her husband. The fact is that their problems concerned children. A friend wanted children, her husband persuaded her to wait. It seemed to her that he simply did not love her.
As it turned out, her husband did not want children in a rented apartment, and wanted to enjoy life together - that is, have children closer to thirty years. Thanks to a psychologist, they were able to figure this out and save their relationship, which was literally on the verge of divorce.
I will give some more advice to those who want to understand how to get out of such a situation.
- There must be some basis in your family relationship. In my case, this basis was the kinship of souls. You may have something else, but it must be strong and unshakable.
- Almost any problem can be solved if you just sit down and talk, preferably calmly and without reproach. Most family quarrels occur due to the fact that people simply do not talk about what is really important to them, but instead release steam and their irritation on each other, thereby accumulating resentment inside, like a snowball.
- If the situation has reached its peak, then you can do the following. It is necessary to agree on a probationary period for some period. Moreover, during this period you can decide to save your family, or, on the contrary, get a divorce. The point is that for, say, a month, you will live according to your decision. And you will immediately understand whether it is true or not.
The only thing you shouldn’t do if you decide to live separately is to have lovers; it will be, at the very least, dishonest.
- Lies in family relationships almost always come to light. Remember this and try not to lie to your loved one.
I guess that's all I wanted to tell you. We celebrated our wedding anniversary in a big way - the stress of this six-month period took its toll. We go to the country, and have already avoided at least three quarrels, simply turning our souls inside out in front of each other. I hope my experience will help you.
When close relationships begin in our lives, we all believe that they will be special, and all sorts of serious crises and problems will bypass them. However, no matter how determined we are in our intentions to maintain harmony in our relationship with our loved one, sometimes problems still cannot be avoided.
So, how to survive these difficulties with minimal losses?
When does a crisis occur in a relationship and what are the reasons for it?
When does a crisis occur?
After the wedding
As a rule, after marriage, couples begin to live a family life that over time has less and less in common with the relationship that existed before marriage. The atmosphere of romance often disappears, and not all spouses easily cope with everyday challenges.
However, even if the lovers had already lived together before the wedding, the stamp in the passport forces some spouses to look at the relationship differently. If a man or woman was actually not ready for official marriage, then it drives them into depression - one of the spouses begins to believe that his freedom is lost, he has lost his attractiveness to the opposite sex, and so on.
After the baby arrives
Many married couples dream of having a baby, but not all of them realize the difficulties they ultimately face. This is especially true for a couple who have had their first child and who previously had no clear idea of what it was like to care for a baby. If a child turns out to be restless, then this becomes a serious test for young parents.
Treason
Not every spouse is able to come to terms with their partner’s betrayal. Even if a husband or wife forgives his chosen one (chosen one) and agrees to rebuild the relationship in marriage, it is still not always possible to realize this. Subsequently, past grievances make themselves felt every now and then, and ultimately still lead to a crisis.
Possible reasons
- Lack of money. Some psychologists are convinced that quarrels over money arise in families in which calculation prevails or in which husband and wife have unjustified expectations from each other. However, it is obvious that it is difficult to maintain harmony in a relationship if there is not enough money for basic needs, such as simple food and utility bills. It’s one thing if this problem is temporary, and quite another thing if the situation has been dragging on for a long time.
- Lack of time for yourself. When family obligations and work take up almost all the time of one of the partners, and he has no time left for himself (careful self-care, meetings with friends or relatives, hobbies), then this can subsequently develop into chronic fatigue and serious conflict.
- Ordinary. When getting married, most couples are confident that they will be able to maintain the ease of the relationship, but over the months, and even more so over the years, this passion weakens. Of course, some partners still manage to maintain a romantic relationship by giving each other various small and big surprises. However, there are much fewer such couples than those who begin to live an ordinary and even boring life.
- Life Unfortunately, many families have broken up due to such a banal problem as incorrect distribution of household responsibilities, or ignoring them. Often one of the spouses has to take on the lion's share of household chores, which he simply cannot cope with in the end, which leads to a nervous breakdown and problems in the relationship. It also happens that one of the partners periodically ignores the responsibilities assigned to him, which causes dissatisfaction and indignation of his other half.
Is it worth overcoming the crisis in the first year of a relationship or is it better to break up?
For some couples, everything is easy and simple from the first days of their romance, but others have to go through many trials in order to maintain their relationship. If you are faced with the second option, then you should take into account that many lovers experience this problem, despite the ardor of their feelings. If you understand that you really love this person, and he loves you, then still give your relationship a chance. If there are feelings, problems can arise in a completely different area - divergent views on life, different interests, non-acceptance of each other’s habits, and the like. Over the course of a year, many couples learn to adapt to each other, seek compromises, understanding that all people are different, and this is not a reason for separation. If the disagreements are truly insurmountable, and none of you wants to make concessions for the sake of preserving feelings, then it is better to really break off such an alliance, especially if it lasts more than a year.
What to do if the relationship dragged on, but did not develop into marriage
If such a problem arises, and you understand that marriage is really important to you, and otherwise you do not see the romance progressing, then it makes sense to have an open discussion with your partner. Of course, you shouldn’t talk to him about this aggressively or try to pressure him into pity, by doing so you will only push him away from you, and he will feel like he is being forced to take this step.
Start such a conversation only when you are really sure that you are ready to break up, in case the man still does not show interest in getting married. Having found a convenient moment when your chosen one is relaxed (for example, on a day off at dinner), tell him that you have been thinking about your relationship for a long time, and you think that your couple is stuck at a certain stage and has long been ready to start a family. Explain that, despite your feelings for him, you do not believe that you will be able to maintain harmony in the relationship if it does not develop. Note that if a man is not sure that he wants to connect with you in the future, then you do not want to waste either his or your time, no matter how hard it is for you. Do not demand an immediate answer from your partner - invite him to think about your words for a couple of days. If he still does not dare to propose marriage to you, then you need to act decisively - break off the relationship. Only if you are confident that you can go through with it should you have such conversations. By the way, often after such a decisive step by a woman, a man begins to rethink what happened, and, realizing that he is not ready to lose her, he nevertheless proposes marriage.
Crisis in family relationships by year and how to cope with it
Crisis during 1 year of marriage
As statistics indicate, many spouses decide to divorce in its first year. It would seem that during this period feelings should still be fresh, but at the same time other problems arise. First of all, we are talking about living together, which turns out to be not at all what it seemed. In addition, everyday issues gradually crowd out almost all passion and romance from the newly formed union, requiring partners to regularly distribute household responsibilities and change established habits.
Crisis 2-3 years in a relationship
Most often, during this period, a new addition occurs in a young family. In addition, the life of the spouses has just begun to transform - all responsibilities, as a rule, have already been distributed, and the couple lives according to a certain regime. The birth of a child often makes significant adjustments to an established life - many plans are ruined, many habits have to be abandoned. In addition, after 2-3 years of relationship, spouses usually begin to get psychologically tired of each other.
Relationship crisis 5-7-10 years
Another period of crisis in relationships. First of all, it is due to the fact that the husband and wife are just beginning to fully get used to the role of parents. Problems in a couple may arise due to the child’s new social role - he becomes a kindergartener or schoolchild. If a child begins to have conflicts with peers and elders, then mom and dad often perceive this painfully. For the failures of their son or daughter, some parents begin to blame each other or the child himself, which, of course, leads to tense relationships in the family.
The absence of children by this period can also turn into a crisis in the relationship, even if the couple believes that they do not yet feel the need to procreate. Despite the fact that the marriage is stable, the financial situation is established and leisure activities are varied, spouses may unconsciously feel that they are missing something. If, however, a couple strives to replenish the family, but this does not happen, then the risk of developing a crisis in the relationship increases.
How to survive a cooling relationship with your husband
General rituals
To maintain interest in each other, come up with common rituals and follow them - this will create a sense of stability, which is lost during periods of conflict situations. You can go to the gym or take some courses together, walk the dog, cook dinner (at least on one of the days off) and much more. It is important that this happens regularly.
Talking about the future
Often, couples who are experiencing a crisis in their relationship stop dreaming about the future, immersing themselves in current experiences. However, it is during this period that it is important to make plans that you want to implement over time. This will help you realize that the current troubles are temporary, and after some period everything will change.
Support
If there are conflicts in the family due to some failures of the husband, then try not to feel sorry for him, but to provide maximum support. Even if now he feels insecure because of problems at work or some kind of financial difficulties, do not stop showing him that, no matter what, you care about him and you respect him. Listen to his opinion, periodically ask for help with something, so as not to completely undermine his self-confidence.
Intimate relationships
When a difficult period begins in the family, many spouses begin to concentrate on problems, forgetting about everything else - including the intimate side of the relationship. Even if you think that you have lost any desire to have sex, do not give up this part of your married life. Firstly, you probably don’t want additional problems in your relationship, and secondly, as you know, “appetite comes with eating.”
How to get out of a crisis in a relationship to preserve your feelings
Of course, a crisis in a relationship is an extremely undesirable occurrence for any couple. Each partner begins to question their choice and sees it in a completely different light than it was originally. However, remember that this is not a situation where you should rush to conclusions. The most important thing in such moments is to remain patient and also remember to look at yourself and your actions from the outside. It is possible that you yourself provoke your chosen one to actions that ultimately do not satisfy you. It is important to listen to his point of view on this matter and take it into account.
During a crisis in a relationship, patience is the most important condition for maintaining harmony and overcoming difficulties. By demonstrating this quality at critical moments, you will protect yourself from words and actions that can only aggravate the situation in the future.
Having realized that conflict situations have begun to occur more and more often in your couple, do not fall into despair and do not blame your partner for this - any difficulty can be overcome. Don't rush into rash and radical decisions and maintain restraint in the most peak moments.
Every couple experiences a difficult period in a relationship.
It is important to realize that similar problems happen to many couples. At first, a crisis can even bring partners together, but if it cannot be overcome within a year, then this most often turns into even more serious problems - spouses begin to associate relationships with difficulties, survival, struggle and ultimately cause feelings of rejection and negative emotions .
Many psychologists point out that if partners do not have common values for which they can unite, then, most likely, they will separate - it is easier for them to break the union, since it turns out that solving difficulties together is harder than one at a time.
A crisis in a relationship often turns out to be a kind of test for any couple - if the spouses do not pass this test, then this is not always a bad thing. Often, after breaking up, they reevaluate their attitude towards their partner and get back together again, taking into account all their past mistakes. It may also be that breaking the relationship benefits both parties - they are still convinced that they are better off alone than together. However, if the family managed to cope with the problem, then in the future this, as a rule, has a positive effect on the relationship.
Relationship crisis
22.11.2016Snezhana Ivanova
A crisis forces people to reconsider previously created relationships and either look for a worthy alternative to them, or work on them, which is also not at all easy.
Relationship crisis– an extremely popular and burning topic. A crisis forces people to reconsider previously created relationships and either look for a worthy alternative to them, or work on them, which is also not at all easy. Various connections between people change over time: friendships, family, partnerships, business. This happens because we cannot stay in the same place for a long time and are constantly moving forward. Sooner or later, a crisis is necessarily present in any relationship between people; it is an inevitable process. If anyone thinks that they can avoid it with their significant other, they are sadly mistaken.
Crisis of family relations
Family relationships are a special form of interaction in which people come closer to the level of close relatives and at the same time inevitably encounter a number of contradictions and conflicts. Problems exist even in the strongest family ties. The need to build a life together, plan a budget, and solve emerging difficulties brings people together and at the same time greatly alienates them from each other. How is this possible? The fact is that in family relationships people’s feelings are constantly involved; they are unconsciously forced to adapt to each other. What characterizes a crisis in family relationships? What events often lead to it? Let's try to figure it out.
Decreased interest
People, having created a family union, become so close that sometimes they cease to be surprised and surprise each other. A loved one ceases to be perceived as a miracle and something amazing. The uniqueness of the moment seems to be deciphered and explained from different angles. This is how a decrease in interest occurs and a habit is formed that is quite difficult to overcome. This is why betrayal is not uncommon—their likelihood increases in moments of crisis. Relationships become ordinary and boring. Sometimes trust also begins to be lost due to the fact that spouses become somewhat distant from each other.
Mutual reproaches and complaints
A crisis in family relationships is always accompanied by various kinds of grievances and claims. People cannot understand what could have affected their wonderful relationship and are not always ready to accept change so quickly. The crisis necessarily affects the personality of both partners: they become intolerant, touchy, and vindictive. Family relationships begin to collapse when nothing supports them and prevents them from developing. Mutual reproaches and complaints further disappoint partners and force them to look for additional reasons for dissatisfaction.
Various life positions
Sometimes it happens that after living together for quite a long period, spouses find that they have nothing more to talk about. The crisis of family relationships especially inexorably overtakes those who have different priorities and goals in life. What is significant for one is completely unsuitable for another. If spouses have different views on the world, completely incompatible tasks for the coming years, they begin a crisis that can knock the solid ground out from under their feet and completely deprive them of confidence in themselves and their chosen one.
Birth of a child
This joyful moment for both spouses is often accompanied by unwanted irritation and disappointment. With the advent of a baby, the usual way of life changes. Family relationships are also being restructured: spouses begin to make specific demands on each other. If this was not observed before, now disputes and quarrels begin to arise, affecting the level of well-being in the couple. The birth of a child is a serious test for loving people, often leading to a crisis.
Challenges for two
Serious upheavals often occur in life, which can affect the attitude and self-perception of partners. Relationships begin to undergo changes if some serious life trials begin. A crisis in a relationship is often associated with the sudden illness of a husband or wife or the death of a close relative. In some cases, you need to combine your efforts to start acting actively, but not everyone is able to do this. Tests for two are always accompanied by a crisis, as they show what each person is really ready for.
Crisis in relationships by year
It should be understood that a crisis in family relationships is not an indicator of their worthlessness. A crisis naturally arises within a couple and is repeated with a certain frequency. In order to react correctly and not aggravate the situation as it progresses, you need to know the main milestones that are significant for the development of relationships. Crises within a couple vary in severity. Psychologists distinguish crises that manifest themselves over the years, that is, arising in a particular time period.
What’s interesting: modern psychological science determines the onset of a crisis according to how turning points manifest in a child. Just as a baby gradually learns to walk and take his first steps, relationships between people undergo changes. This occurs in the same time intervals as the expression of a clear crisis in a child. Each subsequent crisis is intended to bring renewal to the lives of both partners.
Crisis of one year
This crisis is characterized by the process of “grinding in.” Partners get to know each other better, check personal boundaries, what is permissible and what is completely unacceptable. The crisis of one year goes unnoticed for others, but for partners it does not pass without a trace: they either become convinced that they understand each other, or part without regrets. This crisis in a relationship shows how suitable people are for each other and whether they will be able to undergo more serious tests in the future.
Crisis of three to five years
At this stage, a serious test of the relationship occurs, since it has been going on for several years. The relationship begins to develop into something deeper and resemble family ties. The romance gradually disappears, and in its place comes routine, everyday life. Not all people understand that this is a normal state of affairs, and they cannot endlessly surprise each other. It seems that all the secrets have been solved, the partner begins to be perceived not as an interesting object, but as a person with whom a close relationship has long been established. Spouses often cross the line beyond which complete mutual trust begins. The opportunity to boldly talk about everything in the world, to speak openly, without hiding, brings people incredibly closer together. The crisis manifests itself in the moment of loss of spontaneity: relationships become predictable. Each of the partners can easily predict what they will do, how each of them will act in a certain situation.
Seven Years Crisis
This crisis in relationships is caused by the phenomenon of psychological fatigue of partners from each other. Over time, you get tired of performing the same functions, and you urgently need to change the vector. And here the main problem begins: it becomes quite difficult for spouses to understand each other. Each of them needs help, consolation, and the necessary freedom. What spoils relationships the most is everyday life, the need to perform routine duties every day. A woman wants to feel young and attractive, and not dissolved in her spouse and children. A man often feels the need for new interests and hobbies, but it becomes difficult for him to realize himself due to limiting circumstances. Often relationships break down as a result of such a difficult test. This crisis in relationships manifests itself especially violently if the spouses have very different personal interests.
Crisis of twelve to fifteen years
Psychologists call this crisis a real test of strength. At such a moment, partners either get closer or move away from each other again. In many ways, this crisis in relationships is caused by the presence of a growing child in the house. He becomes a teenager, active beyond his years and tries with all his might to get out from under the obsessive tutelage of his parents. The spouses have to unite in order to adequately cope with all the visible changes in his consciousness. Quarrels will definitely arise in the family, since the very model of communication within a small society requires a thorough review.
Twenty Year Crisis
This crisis of relationships is considered a crisis of loss of meaning. Often it coincides with the “empty nest syndrome” in spouses. Usually by this time, adult children begin to live separately, and the spouses are again left alone with each other. They are forced to again build a two-person model of communication. The partners find themselves losing the common meaning of living together – raising children. When the main task is completed, all that remains is to live for ourselves and for each other, and not everyone is ready for this.
The crisis of twenty years is characterized by the emergence of a feeling of internal loneliness and misunderstanding. Spouses may experience sudden changes in mood, irritability, and distrust of each other. They will have to learn how to build relationships again. While enduring a crisis, you need to be able to maintain good feelings, mutual respect and an optimistic outlook for the future.
How to survive a relationship crisis
Relationships are a very fragile thing. Only those who really work on them, and don’t try to brush them off, have a chance to meet understanding in the face of their other half. How to survive a crisis in a relationship? What significant steps do partners need to take to bridge the gap that has quietly formed between them? What should you pay attention to? First things first.
Refusal of charges
If we are indignant, we cannot accept the situation. As long as anger, irritation, and strong dissatisfaction boil in the soul, there can be no talk of reconciliation. Stopping blaming will help you start listening to your inner voice. Understand that it would be unfair and hurtful to ruin your wonderful relationship with your partner. Remember how beautifully they started. Relationships can always be saved if you take responsibility for what is happening. By dropping the accusations, you demonstrate to your other half the seriousness of your intentions and the desire to return to your previous trusting relationship.
Personal space
Each of you must have your own personal space. If people are forced to constantly invade each other’s territory, then conflicts will inevitably arise and relationships will deteriorate. The interests of the spouse should be taken into account as if they were your own; they should not be neglected. Otherwise, you will not be able to come to a mutual agreement. There is no need to sacrifice your personal interests. Relationships will not get better from this, believe me. Constantly experiencing deprivation in something, a person begins to accumulate irritation and anger inside without noticing it. When you're going through a relationship crisis, everything matters. Remember: everyone should have personal space. It allows you to remain a bright individual and emphasize your spontaneity.
Finding common ground
Relationships experiencing a major crisis require an urgent revision of the basic values by the spouses. If you constantly avoid meaningful conversation, you will achieve only the opposite effect. Rekindling a relationship will require a lot of patience and effort. Finding common ground will allow spouses to unite and feel true support and participation. Relationships will only benefit from this.
Most problems in relationships arise because people stop being interesting to each other. In order not to torment yourself with the question of how to survive the crisis, you need to begin to surprise and amaze the imagination again. First, do something non-standard, something you couldn’t afford before. The surprise should be pleasant and unexpected. Becoming interesting to your other half is only possible if you really want it yourself. Relationships cannot be built according to the following scheme: everyday life, budget, endless efforts, demands. If partners do not have small and large joys that they could share together, then the relationship, unfortunately, begins to collapse over time. New hobbies, interests, and aspirations will help revive old feelings. There will be respect for each other, a desire to do more than has been done so far.
Thus, a crisis in a relationship is a problem that needs to be solved. If fate has given you a second chance, then do not miss it.
We often devote our articles to topics such as building relationships, but having built relationships, you need to be able to take care of them and overcome all difficulties. This is exactly what we would like to talk about today. Every relationship reaches critical points, called a relationship crisis. Almost no relationship can survive without a crisis. Even the period of falling in love has its crisis, which we will also talk about. So, what kind of crises happen at the beginning of a relationship, and what kind in family life?Crisis of love relationships
As we just said, love relationships are subject to crisis even at the initial stage. Most often, the first crisis with a guy in a relationship occurs 3 months after the start of the relationship itself. This is the end of the so-called “candy-bouquet” period, when you have already gotten to know each other and are starting to settle down from the initial romance. You become closer and courtship gradually develops into a serious relationship, that's when the turning point occurs.He stops bringing bouquets of flowers on dates and gives fewer gifts. But you must also understand that giving flowers all the time is not practical for men, since by their nature they know how to count money, the same goes for gifts, take care of his wallet, the main thing is how he treats you, and not how many flowers and gifts he gave . In addition, with frequent giving of flowers and gifts, this event will lose all romance and in the end, do you love it or do you only want gifts!? If the latter, then the question of the nature of the crisis is extremely obvious.
Romance will help overcome this crisis. In a relationship, it is necessary to show more tenderness and go together more often, no matter where. This must be done so that you become emotionally close and you have unity. It is very good if, feeling the approach of a crisis, you take a trip to another city or to the sea, where you can rest and relax. During the trip, it will be just the two of you, which will help you become one.
Crisis of the first year of relationship
The crisis of the year of relationships occurs in couples when they thoroughly get to know each other and get used to each other, they have mutual friends, but a moment occurs when the relationship is approaching a fork in which there are three paths and you need to choose the future of the relationship:Marry;
Continue dating;
Breake down.
During this period, girls begin to have an internal crisis when all their friends got married, but you still haven’t. This situation is especially fueled by your mother, and even more so by your friends, when they pester you with this question and ask when you will finally get married. And from this, 2 variants of events often occur: either you react calmly to this, or “nag” the guy that it’s time, or even worse, give far from subtle and far from hints about this. The guy may be intimidated by your assertiveness, or he may simply suggest breaking up. It's not even that he doesn't want to get married, but how you behave. Analyze your relationship, maybe you will understand the reason why he hesitates to propose to you and try to eliminate it.
The best solution to the problem during the crisis of the first year of a relationship will be living together, in other words. At the same time, you do not get married, but your relationship moves to one level higher - you will begin to live together. Believe me, this is even better than a wedding, since you will test the strength of your relationship, because everyday life often becomes the main cause of family conflicts, and subsequently divorces. If you overcome all everyday problems and disagreements, then with peace of mind you will be able to seal your union with marriage.
It happens that in such a situation, girls give their boyfriends an ultimatum: either we get married or we separate. In this case, guys think that if you are not yet married, and your future wife is already trying to put pressure on you with ultimatums, then he will most likely choose the option of breaking up. After this, either out of pride: “How can it be, I did everything for him, but he gave up,” or in the realization that she can’t live without him - the girls want the guy back and then the guys set their own conditions. This fact shows that ultimatums and brainwashing cannot solve the problem. If you keep repeating, Svetkin’s boyfriend gave her a ring, Natashka’s boyfriend bought trips to Egypt and they flew off on vacation, and Olkin actually proposed to her... After such topics, feel free to start counting down the time of your relationship. Every self-respecting man is used to being the best, and not being held up as an example to others. Having lost him, such a bad one, you will not sleep at night and will begin to remember all his shortcomings with trepidation, and now it is very difficult to return him.
Crisis in family relationships
Crises in marital relationships have their intervals of one year, 3 years and 7 years. What happens during these periods of time, and how to overcome each of the crises, we will describe further.A common cause of this kind of crisis is everyday life. After all, before, in order to see each other, you went for a walk, visited various establishments, but now that you live together, you no longer need to go anywhere, because you are at home together. From the lack of romance and those tender meetings, monotony begins to “eat up” you.
Try, despite the fact that you are both tired, to take walks. For example, meet together after work and go for a walk. You can go shopping, or just take a walk in the park or sit in a cafe. At home, each of you is busy with his own business and rarely are you alone, without a TV or computer, and just talk about various topics. While walking, be sure to hug each other and kiss, because tactile sensations bring people together psychologically very well.
Don't forget about kisses and romance:
More romance - have a romantic dinner by candlelight, or take a full bath with foam and a pleasant aroma, plunging into it with glasses of champagne;
Diversify sex - positions, places, techniques, etc.;
Change your environment more often - visit different interesting places, the main thing is “don’t lock yourself in” at home.
Crisis in family relationships after the birth of a child
Very often, a crisis in marriage after 3 years of relationship occurs after the birth of children. No, don’t think, it’s not the children who are to blame, but your fatigue. You are constantly with your child, both at home and outside, while your dad earns money. In such a situation, you get very tired, because in addition to caring for the child, you need to keep the house in order, wash, clean, cook, and this takes all your energy. When your husband comes home, you have no strength for any tenderness or romance, and you dream of getting to bed as quickly as possible, falling off your feet. Yes, you are doing everything right, like a real wife and caring mother, but think about your husband and yourself as well. There is nothing wrong if parents come to you and help look after the baby while you do household chores. You can also ask the parents to sit with the child in the evening, while you and your husband take a walk together or go to a restaurant to defuse the situation and relax with each other.
The cause of a family crisis in a marriage may be the work of one of the spouses. Constant clashes with the boss, a heavy workload, a small salary, a difficult schedule - this can cause a quarrel and subsequently result in a crisis. In order to eliminate such a situation, it is necessary to find a compromise so that it does not become a lump, which will continue to lead to quarrels and scandals. Discuss the problem, if possible, change your job or deal with it, as it brings good income to your family.
Relationship crisis 3 years
As we just wrote, the main reason is everyday life. If you live with your parents, no matter whose, and this causes you discomfort (at least one of you), then maybe it makes sense to rent a separate apartment.For three years, you have already become accustomed to the same lifestyle, but a man wants some changes and something to change in this patterned life. He may begin to see friends often in order to diversify the monotonous daily routine: home - work - home and so on in a circle, thereby returning home late. We understand that this situation is wrong for you and you are offended, but let him rather sit over a glass of beer with friends and unwind than take a mistress.
In such a situation, you also do not become a recluse. Go shopping with your friends, sit over a cup of tea in a cafe and call them on the phone. You also need relaxation and need to take a break from each other with your husband. If you communicate only with your husband all the time, then you will tire of each other and you will be bored together.
We would like to note that the crisis of three years is the most dangerous, since it is during this period of relationships that a large number of divorces occur, so try to take this issue more seriously in order to save the family.
Relationship crisis 7 years
When the relationship has reached this point, you have already learned how to overcome crises in relationships together, solve all problems and disputes. In general, you need to give credit that you were able to maintain the relationship, because there are very few couples who can boast of such an age of marriage.The cause of such a crisis is separation from each other. For 7 years, of course, both of you have not remained the same as before. Each of you has your own interests and different views on life. By asking a question about love and asking to answer honestly, each of you will think. The point is not that a lot of time has passed and at this stage there is a revaluation of concepts, but that you thought about it and did not immediately answer “yes”, as it was before, thinking about whether there was some drop of love left or whether it was already No.
The worst thing is that you are together not because you love each other, but because you are already used to it, it is so convenient and, in the end, you have a family that you do not want to destroy. For your own sake, do some analysis and compare your overall interests then and now. Is there anything left in common? He comes home in the evening after work and sits down at the computer or watches TV, then you go to bed, and in the morning he quickly gets ready, has breakfast and goes to work. If you sum up all your communication in a day, it won’t even last an hour. And even then, all conversations come down to resolving family issues. Do you know about your husband's interests?
Therefore, the main thing is that you do not lose each other emotionally. The ways to solve this problem are the same as those listed above. Spend more time together and share everything that interests you. During the working day, try to call or correspond via SMS messages. There is no need to do this actively; if your other half is very busy at work, be unobtrusive. Even a simple question about how you are doing will be pleasant for him, thereby you will maintain a thread of communication that will unite you even during working hours.
Many psychologists advise spending more time on family trips, for example to other cities, on a picnic or to the countryside. Also, do not forget to spend time exclusively together, just you and him. For example, take a week's vacation and go together to some resort, leaving the children with your grandmother (don't forget to bring). It’s okay that you didn’t take your child; when he grows up, he won’t take you with him either, and you need to rest and relax.
In this situation, we can recommend getting a dog that will unite all members of your family. A really good solution, try to get a small puppy of some domestic breed of dog, but under no circumstances a fighting dog.
Well, how can we not mention such a sweet component of a strong family life as sex. Firstly, sex should be at least several times a week, while the children are sleeping or are not at home. If you are tired after work, then in the morning you are full of energy and you can spend a little of it on pleasure. Secondly, the lack of sex is the first sign that the husband will have a mistress. Try to be completely different in bed to warm up your relationship.
You shouldn’t do all your travel by car, but sometimes walk, both as a family and as a couple with your husband. It will be very romantic if you hold his arm or, even better, hold hands like at the beginning of your relationship.
That’s basically all about how to survive a crisis in family relationships. As you may have noticed, many ways to solve a crisis are similar in different periods, which means that crises in relationships can give rise to the same reasons. Take this into account and try to limit your relationships from them.
To ensure that your relationship is always strong and fresh, don’t isolate yourself, share your problems and joys, tell each other what you like and what you don’t like. If you remain silent and do not solve problems, then all this will turn into a time bomb; accumulated grievances and problems can ultimately explode and serve to break the relationship. In no case is there any need to accumulate everything unsaid - solve all problems at once and say what does not suit you, there is no need to hide all this inside yourself.
