The right to freedom of speech is the greatest achievement of modern mankind, in the struggle for which a lot of blood was shed.
Scientists, politicians, philosophers and artists have always sought to express their personal attitude to what is happening in their work.
Who does not remember the famous expression attributed to Galileo “And yet it turns!”, For which the outstanding astronomer was tortured by the Inquisition?
It would seem: well, why weren’t people silent, well, if they had their own opinion and kept it to themselves, they would be more alive. So no, apparently there is an urgent need in the desire to speak out, forcing great minds to risk their lives. Why is it so important for people to have a personal view of things and openly express their own opinion?
When the word is gold
There is a saying, "Speech is silver, silence is gold."
At school, in the garden, at the institute and at work, we are taught to be polite, tactful and modest, they are encouraged to obey the elders and not argue with the authorities.
However, constantly ignoring your legitimate natural desires can lead to the fact that others will soon cease to notice your existence at all, and even more so to reckon with your opinion. Agree - with what is not in nature, no one will be considered. Or even worse: in a healthy society, one way or another, the laws of evolution operate: that is, they try more to subdue the weak and use them.
Therefore, silence is golden, but only if it is appropriate and does not violate someone's rights. The word can also be golden. Suffice it to recall the Danish fairy tale "The King's New Clothes", where a mischievous child voiced the secret opinion of the people, setting an example for adults what it means to have their own opinion.
Expressing our own opinion, we release our “inner steam”, because constantly keeping feelings in ourselves, accumulating resentment is harmful to health and can cause serious mental disorders.
How to Express Your Own Opinion: Causes of Fear and Ways to Overcome It
The reason for the fear of objecting to the interlocutor or openly expressing a point of view lies in the uncertainty that it generates. Usually these are people who grew up in a family where their opinion was not taken into account, who depend on the opinions of people and are always afraid of a negative assessment of their actions. What can you advise them? It is easier to look at the world, fight with complexes and learn one truth: society has not yet come up with another way to change the world around for the better. Humanity would never have made such progress if it had continued to be afraid of its own opinion.
The times of the Middle Ages have passed, but the fear of speaking out has remained. With the advent of democracy, expressing one's point of view, being able to defend one's personal position has become prestigious, associated with a sign of a strong, real personality.
If you feel the need to speak up, the first thing to do is to wait for the right moment. Remember: no one will listen to you if you have nothing to say, if you are just trying to attract attention in any way.
There are rules of communication that will help to speak out without serious negative consequences:
express thoughts clearly and clearly: the practice of conversations, reading books, keeping a diary, special trainings will help to formulate them correctly;
try to analyze situations more often, conduct an internal dialogue with yourself, mentally argue your personal opinion to imaginary opponents;
practice doing this with those you are least afraid of - younger relatives, friends, try to argue with them just as a joke;
participate in discussions, look for like-minded people during disputes - support will give you strength and confidence;
if it is very difficult to start, watch how others do it, sometimes imitate them. Then, imperceptibly for yourself, you will enter a new role, literally become infected with confidence, and this will help to achieve the desired results;
always behave calmly and calmly with others, there is no need to worry - after all, who will suffer because you say "I think"? Everyone has the right to vote, including you.
Any point of view is preceded by knowledge, experience or justification. Having your own opinion does not mean saying everything that comes into your head.
Common Mistakes
Psychologists note the following pattern: the more confident a person becomes, the worse he behaves: he criticizes others and sometimes even is rude. And the reverse situation: the more benevolent a person is, the less self-confidence she has.
A good example of this is the main character in Gorky's play "Woe from Wit" Chatsky. The desire to impose a personal opinion on society, even if it is correct, led to the rejection of others, misunderstanding and loneliness. Try not to make gross mistakes when dealing with people, let your confidence not turn into arrogance.
What is wrong:
actively impose personal opinions on others;
listen only to yourself and not respect the opinion of the interlocutor;
interrupt the interlocutor or intimidate him;
screaming, letting negative emotions control you;
prove the case to those who do not respect you and people with an inadequate psyche;
express your opinion in a timid, quiet voice;
keep quiet when your opinion is asked.
Psychologists advise adhering to the rules of the golden mean, cultivating two qualities in oneself at the same time: a benevolent attitude towards others and. Then there will be no problems with communication, and it will become easy and simple to express your opinion.
March 21, 2014, 12:29 pmWe live in an era when it is easier for us to follow the crowd than to try to form our own opinion and have the courage to express it. If something is popular or generally accepted, it becomes doubly scary and uncomfortable to go against this phenomenon. But how often have we seen in history that publicity and popularity are not the best allies of truth? This has happened and is happening all the time. We don't want to appear stupid or vulnerable to criticism from the public or even those close to us. We are afraid to say something that may shock many, although we ourselves are well aware that the thought is true and true. That is why people watch television, that is why propaganda continues to live a full life in any country in the world.
But if you continue in the same spirit and do not openly express your, perhaps unpopular point of view, you will never become a strong and independent person. You can never become a man of action, bringing your ideas to life. There are many people who will want to take advantage of you when they see that you cannot stand up for your ideas.
You will become more interesting if you stop shutting your mouth. Nobody likes indecisive and shy people. Or rather, even something else: they may be loved, but they are used in every possible way and do not provide any prospects. Unfortunately, it is not possible for the modern world to live in one's own microcosm. And in itself it is a signal for predators who perceive it as a lack of maturity and inexperience. You must clearly show your views and knowledge in the areas you speak about. This should not be the bravado of a couch warrior, it should be the opinion of a specialist and an intelligent person.
You will also reduce the tension that is bound to be between you and the person who does not understand your views. Innuendo can be a cause of mistrust, anxiety and stress. And both on your part and on the part of the interlocutor. Simply put, we will trust more an opponent we know well than a man on the street who we haven't heard a damn thing about until the moment he knocks on the door.
An important step in forming one's own opinion is training. - this is not a static procedure at all, they must be practiced throughout life. This will give you more confidence. It is difficult to argue with the fact that an opinion based on facts, statistics, personal experience is much stronger than an opinion taken from TV, whose justification is based only on emptiness. Do not hold on to your stupidity, learn better and become wiser.
When you have a detailed concept of the worldview, and your point of view is justified and justified, you will have a great opportunity to influence other people. You can help them do the same, because this is a step forward, not otherwise. People around you will be inspired by the strength of your personality, smart people will appreciate you for your courage and courage. All this sounds beautiful and even a little pathetic, but believe me, it often works. This is how the personality grows. In addition, you will learn how to influence others.
When you think, “I would like to say…” but don’t say it, a very dull image appears in your brain. Desires are clogged like blood vessels with blood clots. And it's also bad for your health. There is such a sour feeling of regret, unfinished business. You look into the past and see many missed opportunities. If you want to get rid of regrets, you need to tell others what you think. Don't be afraid to do it. If your friends, girlfriends or colleagues cannot accept it, you will not go along with them. And conflicts can grow on any ground. The main thing is to be human.
Whether you will be taken seriously is up to you. But your solutions to problems won't come out of nowhere. To do this, you need to trust yourself and be able to express concerns to other people. Let's say your boss suggested solving a problem in production in a certain way. He's your boss and you have to listen to him, right? What if you know a better solution? If you do not show initiative and do not tell about your method, you will make worse not only for yourself, but also for the enterprise. Therefore, many successful companies welcome the initiative from below - this is the key to success.
The truth of life is that the brave ones rule the world. They can be anything: good guys, adventurers, criminals and villains, but they all do what others cannot. When you express your opinion, you automatically set yourself apart from others. Do you understand that not everyone is given such a skill? Most dutifully do what others tell them to do. You have to show heroism to get out of this circle.
You shouldn't be afraid. Although there may be problems and misunderstandings, and in states where there is censorship, there may be criminal liability. But what is the meaning of a person's life if he blindly obeys and destroys all signs of his "I"? Why would he even live then? The answer is yours.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello. I have a problem since childhood: I can not communicate normally with people. Before I went to school, I only interacted with adults (I didn't go to kindergarten). But as soon as I went to first grade, problems began. I tried to make friends with my classmates, but for some reason they were all hostile, mocked me, called me names and ignored me. This offended me greatly. The whole school period was hell for me. I stopped even trying to talk to anyone.
I also spent a lot of time with my aunt, whom I was very annoying, and she showed it in every possible way. She said straight out all the time how I pissed her off and that she was ashamed that I was her niece. Her anger turned into my self-hatred. I just started to hate myself. Besides, my mother is a wonderful person, but she is a bit of a tyrant. She often punished me for saying something wrong to adults all the time. I couldn't figure out what exactly I was doing wrong. Whatever I said, it wasn't right.
And in general, now I'm 22 years old, I have no friends and no personal life, because I'm afraid to talk, I'm terribly nervous. I feel like I don't know what to say to my interlocutor because I'm afraid I'll say something different than what he thinks I'm some kind of idiot. Or I accidentally offend him and he never wants to talk to me again. When I try to talk to someone or answer something, my brain seems to become empty. All thoughts disappear somewhere. I don’t know what to say at all, I’m afraid to even give a monosyllabic answer and I can’t.
Not so long ago, I developed a neurosis. In general, the situation is getting worse and worse. I do not want to live, because I feel only emptiness and my failure. I can't talk to anyone at all, even to relatives. When I try to express my opinion, it seems to me that my interlocutor looks at me somehow strangely and then shows that he does not want to continue the conversation. Everyone hates me, and some even directly told me about it.
At the same time, it is easier for me to express my thoughts in writing, although I am still afraid to express them and I am afraid of condemnation, although I understand that my fears are irrational.
Please tell me how can I learn to overcome my fear of expressing my opinion and adequately respond to the words of the interlocutor? How can I become more confident in myself? Are there any ways? I can't do anything. Thank you.
The psychologist Opaleva Alexandra Alexandrovna answers the question.
Elena, hello. Before you get rid of the fear of communicating with people, you need to work with your self-confidence. Start by writing a complimentary letter to yourself and hang it on the wall in front of your eyes and read it every day. In it, indicate all your advantages and achievements. Even the most minimal, and insignificant in your opinion. The list must first be at least 20 items. Increase it every week.
What is happening in your life right now? What do you do? How do you spend your time? What feelings do you most often experience? I'll try to assume that you were initially, before starting a conversation, already set up for the fact that it would not go the way you wanted. So? What do you expect from the interlocutor? Think of some dialogue. Play it in front of a mirror, pay attention to your facial expression. Perhaps when communicating, you hide your eyes, or vice versa, you are too wary. Most likely no smile. Do you think your facial expression during a conversation can send it in the wrong direction? Work on your facial expression. Start by smiling to yourself every day. When talking, first set the task of answering with a smile, periodically looking into the eyes of the interlocutor, making slight nods with your head. As you get comfortable with this stage, move on to monosyllabic phrases, gradually increasing the number of sentences spoken. There are various courses to improve communication with people, it will not be superfluous to sign up for them.
Sometimes people are afraid to talk aloud about some facts or circumstances, especially when they assume that the majority does not share their opinions. The consequences can be horrendous, a conflict will arise, and it remains to be seen who will emerge victorious from it. Or it is well known, and the debater is doomed to defeat. But still, there are sometimes such heroes who fearlessly express their own opinion. Everyone is waiting for reprisal, and suddenly it turns out that it will not happen, and luck, as one good old song says, becomes "a reward for courage." So is it worth it to be afraid, or do you need to “give out”, and then come what may? Everyone decides this for himself, but you can familiarize yourself with seven reasons why you should not always keep your mouth shut. They are outlined below.
1. A word can change circumstances for the better.
One of the most common reasons people don't speak their mind is because they don't believe in their ability to make a difference. Why try to say something if it won't do you any good? Such a logic of action (or rather inaction) is doomed to failure in advance. The only way to check how your opinion is indifferent to others is to express it, and not be silent.
Speaking, you can evaluate the reaction to your words. A proactive stance can also reveal management's ignorance of the problem itself. It is possible that there is a danger that the boss does not know about, and that is why he does not take any measures to eliminate it. There is a possibility that it is the daredevil who dared to publicize the withheld information that will be entrusted with the leadership of work to eliminate the bottleneck. This, too, can be treated differently, but for an enterprising employee, this is a great opportunity to prove himself, and as a result, make a career throw, sometimes simply sky-high. Maybe worth the risk?
2. Delicate expression of controversial ideas is welcome.
It happens that there is an opinion about the situation, but there is no certainty that knowledge is enough to have a judgment on some issue. What to do, be silent, or still say something? You can, of course, postpone the discussion and look into it in more detail, but what if it is too late later? For example, there is a meeting, and an important decision should be made right now, but there is no way to wait? The answer is obvious. Of course, an opinion must be expressed.
Moreover, in the presence of specialists in this particular issue, they will be able to give an expert assessment of the idea. The main thing in such a situation is not to overdo it, and delicately express your own opinion, and not some indisputable postulate. Most likely, it will be well received and carefully studied.
3. It's actually not as risky as it looks.
When it comes to expressing their opinion, people are often shy, thinking that a careless word can lead to some kind of punishment or even dismissal (and in Stalin's time they assumed immediate execution). At best, they are afraid of ridicule, ostracism and malicious jokes. Do not be afraid of all this, even if the thought is contrary to the opinion of the majority or (oh, horror!) The leadership itself. The likelihood of any of these worst-case scenarios is extremely unlikely. In extreme cases, such a situation is an excellent opportunity to check how the authorities are able to effectively manage the team. If it wants to listen only to pleasant words and assent, then it is best to quit this company, it will not last long. But this is very rare today. In fact, by expressing your opinion, most likely, you can get a positive or neutral (at the very least) answer.
4. You can find like-minded people
By expressing his opinion, a person becomes the first of many who actually thinks the same, but does not dare to open his mouth. It's the same as at a buffet table, when everyone is standing near the table with goodies, but no one dares to take a sandwich, fearing to be branded as a "glutton". Someone has to come first, everyone is just waiting for this. The move is risky, but if successful, it provides undeniable advantages.
In many situations, there will always be a few people who have the same opinion but don't want to speak first. They are tormented by all the same doubts and fears of hearing awkward silence or something worse in response. They are simply not confident in their own abilities. They are cowards. You can learn about unanimity with them only by expressing your opinion, clearly and unambiguously. After that, they will speak with each other, expressing support and agreement. They will always respect the daredevil who helped them overcome their fear. He will become their leader.
5. This is how smart people insure themselves.
It is not at all necessary, when expressing your opinion, to chop the air with your palm and generally show aggressiveness. Around the native team, not enemies. Mild language is best used, such as: "Isn't it true that...?", "Perhaps the issue needs further study...", "Something has not yet been studied enough, but..."
This creates the ground for a continuation of the dialogue, during which all its participants will be able to learn more.
And one more added bonus. Laying cards on the table, a person partially relieves himself of responsibility for possible bad consequences. The expressed concern largely shifts it to the shoulders of the authorities. Let him have a headache now!
6. Bold words are a sign of confidence
An employee who is constantly silent and timidly clinging to the backs of others is rarely considered not only indispensable, but generally necessary. Such a person is more like a timid hanger-on than a real worker. Confident people, on the other hand, are sought after when it comes to choosing a leader. In this case, having an opinion is seen by management as an act of courage. In addition, the reputation of a self-confident person will help in achieving a variety of life goals in the future.
7. Totally unexpected
Yes, courage has its drawbacks. The right to express judgments still needs to be earned, and this is not so easy. This requires hard work, study and work again, gaining real self-worth, and then you can show courage almost without risk. So say wise people who have achieved something in life and know it. They are not afraid to express their opinion, on the contrary, they are asked for it, and sometimes even well paid for it. Young people need courage, because they have little else besides it. And all the same, forces should be measured. You can only show courage in a balanced way, otherwise it will be stupid bravado.
I often hear about how important it is to have your own opinion regarding almost all issues, even those in which a person thinks absolutely nothing. This is what we call freedom, which we all supposedly need. In fact, not many people need this, and those who nevertheless express their opinion, as a rule, have a specific goal, the essence of which is to influence a person in order to force him to act in his own interests. But about everything in order, according to the correct arrangement of thoughts, in which we will find out with you whether you need your opinion and, if necessary, why. To begin with, I want to tell you that I have nothing against you having your own opinion. It's good when you think with your head and try to look at everything with your own eyes, and do not take other people's thoughts and ideas on faith. However, expressing your opinion is a completely different matter, in which you already begin to influence other people in a certain way, in any case, you are making an attempt to do so. Well, you have your own opinion, so what? Why say it, for what purpose?
Imagine a married couple and, say, one of their children, who, let's say, will be ten years old. On the day off, the family is going to have a great time together, for which they need to decide how they will actually spend it. At the same time, each family member may have his own opinion regarding this, the father wants to go fishing, the mother will go to visit, and the child may want to take a walk in the park and ride the rides. And what will happen if they all begin to express their opinion on how best to spend the day off, without insisting on their point of view, but it seems like just like that? Just as you yourself understand, nothing happens, and on the one hand, defending your point of view will lead to conflict, or someone will have to abandon their plans, that is, sacrifice their opinion and their desire, which this opinion promotes, in favor of the world and consent.
Moreover, here it may also be that a more powerful family member can simply force the others to do as he wants, which in turn makes it meaningless to have his own opinion, which is simply unable to translate his desire into reality, which underlies his opinions. And defending one's point of view, which will lead to conflict, is somehow not relevant for a family that should be friendly. In this way, it turns out that it seems to be useful to have your own opinion, but without being able to defend your interests, it is pointless to express it, if only. For example, if in the above family, someone decides to defend their point of view on how the family should spend the weekend, and at the same time not cause a conflict situation, or a feeling of oppression in those whose point of view will be ignored, as well as the possible impact on a family member who has more power, then he needs to convince the others of the correctness of his decision, to put forward it as the only right one.
In addition, this can be presented as a decision that the rest of the family members seem to have come to on their own, you only formulated its final version, according to which, the only right decision will be a decision that reflects exactly your interests. Of course, only a smart and cunning family member can do this, which is why I cited as an example a child who will be forced to obey, or it is pointless to express his dissatisfaction, despite the fact that he was allowed to express his opinion, but at the same time spit on his desire. Of course, parents can be more loyal to their child, and sometimes do as he wants, but at the same time, it is obvious that adults will not follow his lead, this is simply stupid and will not lead to anything good. You can increase the scale of this family to the size you need, the meaning of this will not change. You can thus look at any team, at the country, and at the world, the essence is the same.
Your opinion is meaningless precisely when you express it, without a clear hope that they will listen to it, that is, if it is not able to influence or you are not able to defend your point of view, forcing everyone to agree with it and therefore act in your interests. Why do people argue, defending their point of view, why is it so important for them to convince others to think this way and not otherwise? After all, the spoken word is always aimed at the material embodiment, otherwise it would not make sense to speak it. However, only an unconsciously living person can claim that he is saying something just like that, expressing his opinion, because he has the right to do so, and again he just needs to show people that they are mistaken. In general, it doesn’t matter how a person argues for expressing his opinion and convincing others in it, since he either has a goal and does not recognize it, or he himself does not understand what he is doing and why, that is, he does not understand how his opinion is connected with his interests.
One thing is obvious, a friendly family can only be if everyone adheres to the same opinion, one point of view, and not to pull the blanket in their own direction, everyone has heard the fable about the swan, cancer and pike. So do you need your opinion, my friends, which of your interests do you want to realize through influence on other people, if you decide to actively express your opinion? If you do not see such goals and you just want to tell others what you think about this or that event, person, decision, and so on, congratulations, you are one of the ninety-nine percent of the population living an unconscious life. It is this figure that psychologists say, as they thought, I don’t know, but they are probably right, because even I can confirm this, giving an assessment to most of the people with whom I had a chance to communicate.
