Despite the abundance of information about children, pregnancy and childbirth are still surrounded by many completely irrational ideas and myths that influence the decisions made by women. Obstetrician-gynecologist Victoria Buinova, a doctor at the medical network, talks about whether there is truth in these myths and how much there is. "Dobrobut"
My opinion is that a doctor is not God, not the arbiter of destinies, but an informant who talks about how medicine can help at the moment. Another thing is how to convey information to a person and how he will perceive it. Doctors very often think and speak in stereotypes, and it is not always possible to translate this into a language understandable to the patient; we are not taught this.
At lectures at parenting school, I always say that 90-95% of pregnancies are the norm, all “minor nuances” can be adjusted, controlled, and they will not have an impact on the birth of the child. Severe cases make up 1-5% of all pregnancies, but they are the ones that are written and talked about, and as a result, their significance is exaggerated. Our task as doctors is for women to have 95% of physiological pregnancies. And for this, both preparation for pregnancy and its management are important. Previously, Soviet medicine was punitive and intimidating, and its legacy is difficult to erase. And you can’t build anything on fear. Today's young doctors, graduates of medical universities, trained by specialists of the previous generation, say the same rude phrases: “What did you want, mommy!” Unfortunately, they lack critical and analytical thinking; in the age of the Internet, for me, thoughtless repetition of the dogmas of the past is nonsense. Very often at appointments it is necessary to remove non-existent diagnoses, debunk fears and take responsibility for it. All our conclusions must be understandable to patients or completely incomprehensible when we encrypt a suspicion of a serious illness that still needs to be checked and confirmed, but in this case the doctor must certainly talk to the patient and formulate it in such a way as not to drive the woman into panic.
Myth #1: A woman needs to give birth before she is 30.
This makes sense, because a woman is born with a certain supply of eggs, which are laid in utero, in the eighth week of her mother’s pregnancy. Accordingly, how old a woman is, the same age is her eggs. Age, the stage of functioning of the body, the influence of various factors, not always favorable, affect the ovarian reserve. Some women experience premature ovarian failure before age 35. Natural depletion of the reserve begins at the age of 35, at first imperceptibly, and by the age of 45 the perimenopausal period begins.
When we talk about healthy conception, we mean the birth of healthy children. A healthy child is made up of healthy cells from which it grows. If in men spermatogenesis is renewed every 72 hours and new cells appear, then the female body has its own supply from birth, and it is so laid down by nature that from 18 to 35 years is the optimal age for the birth of a child, this is recommended by nature, not doctors.
Why can there be difficulties after 35 years? The egg does not ovulate every month, does not divide very well, and is inferior in quality, since it has lived the same life as the entire female body. The incidence of Down syndrome in children increases with the age of the mother. You need to think about this - no matter how we develop, you can’t argue with nature. Although medicine has already learned to freeze eggs and ovarian tissue. These technologies are especially important for women who are planning radiation or chemotherapy, during which most of the follicles die, and the chances of getting pregnant after defeating cancer naturally are very small. A relative of mine in the UK became interested in freezing her eggs at the age of 22 in connection with her career, and I was surprised that a fairly young person was already interested in this. But it is important that she thinks not only about material values, but also about a kind of “reproductive deposit.”
In the female reproductive system there are not only eggs, there is also the rest of the body, in which, in particular, the process of apoptosis, the disposal of old cells, occurs. We renew ourselves all the time, and with age this happens more and more slowly and more difficultly, and this also affects the process of pregnancy.
Science does not stand still; there are many anti-aging technologies and inventions. The average age of a person has grown, but the quality of this life is another matter. Factors such as a woman’s age, ecology, quality of life, career plans, level of medicine - all this must be taken into account when reproductive planning. It all starts with, she needs to know the characteristics of the body to continue her kind.
Myth No. 2: A child is a panacea and health improvement for a woman
This is a myth, since pregnancy is a load on the body, and if it has gained something during its life and has chronic diseases, then it will bear this load more heavily. Pregnancy itself is a wonderful state, I myself am a mother twice, I really enjoyed experiencing it. If children are desired, planned, the husband is nearby and supports - this is an unforgettable experience that I wish for all women. I gave birth to my first child before I was 30 years old, and my second child at 37 years old; I was already pregnant. This term has replaced “starparous,” and although it is not in the protocols, doctors still use it.
If we are talking about pregnancy in general, then for any woman this is a burden. Blood volume almost doubles. And if a woman has genetically weak vascular walls, then she is practically guaranteed to have varicose veins. The tendency to stretch marks is also a genetically determined elasticity of the skin. Any of your “weak points”, autoimmune processes that manifest themselves with age, a tendency to diabetes, accumulated weight - all this makes itself felt during pregnancy, which can be a trigger for the exacerbation of any chronic disease or tendency to it.
During pregnancy, the immune system is a little “muted”, because a new, genetically and immunologically completely different organism is developing inside the expectant mother. Nature has arranged it in such a way that the mother’s body’s response to the child is suppressed, and as a result, autoimmune diseases and even cancer can go beyond the control of the immune system. This is why it is so important to plan your pregnancy and undergo a kind of “technical inspection” before this important period. As for age issues, in addition to the supply and quality of eggs, much depends on the woman - if we compare a 20-year-old pregnant woman with excess weight and diabetes mellitus and a 45-year-old woman who regularly engages in fitness and monitors her health, then the statistics of favorable pregnancy outcomes will be in benefit of a 45-year-old woman. You can’t approach medicine, or anything in general, in a formulaic way.
Myth #3: Umbilical cord entanglement is the worst thing that can happen during pregnancy.
During pregnancy, there are things that we cannot influence - acute umbilical cord, placental factors, such as umbilical cord knot, premature placental abruption, etc. We cannot accurately predict or diagnose this. Such situations are very rare, but do happen from time to time. But there are a lot of myths and zombies around this! One similar case with the death of a baby within a year in Kyiv keeps all pregnant women in the city in suspense. The most common question during an ultrasound before childbirth is whether there is an umbilical cord entanglement.
In my practice, there was a situation when a couple came for an ultrasound to make sure there was an entanglement of the umbilical cord and to get a second opinion. When doing an ultrasound, I follow a full examination protocol, during which I noticed that the child has a bilateral cleft lip and palate, which was previously undiagnosed. This is one of the defects that must be identified before birth in order to timely exclude concomitant possible chromosomal pathology and make a decision on maintaining or terminating the pregnancy. If parents decide to continue the pregnancy, then they need to psychologically prepare for the birth of such a special child. My patients were in their third trimester, and I tried to gently tell them about the cleft, but the only thing they were interested in was whether there was a twist or not. This is how much the myth of entanglement influences the consciousness of future parents, that they are not aware of the real problem, and all their thoughts are about a fictitious problem. Although in obstetric practice there are cases of favorable births even with six times the umbilical cord entwined.
Myth No. 4: Only thin people can give birth. Or only for curvy women
These are two extremes that have an equally bad effect on pregnancy. There is a so-called body mass index, which is calculated by the ratio of height and body weight. If there is a deficiency of body weight with an index below 18, then such pregnant women are at risk for miscarriage - they have body fat below 20%, which is critically low for bearing a child. Adipose tissue produces hormones necessary for both a normal menstrual cycle (which is why women with anorexia stop having periods) and for pregnancy.
If a woman is large, she may also not have periods - there are so many hormones in adipose tissue that they “suppress” the cycle. And if such a woman becomes pregnant, then she is at risk for preeclampsia (a complication in the form of increased blood pressure, including seizures and cerebral edema) and diabetes. Everything should be optimal, but the “health corridor” is quite wide and the weight range suitable for pregnancy is large.
Myth No. 5: If a woman does not give birth, it is harmful to her health.
The pregnancy period is a test, but at this time all the body’s defense mechanisms are stimulated, and a kind of training of all organs and systems occurs. By analogy: if a muscle is trained, it is strong and works well. The following positive effects of pregnancy have been scientifically proven: prevention of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancer. Everything else depends on the woman - if she is in harmony with her decision not to give birth. I repeat, the task of doctors is to inform, and everyone makes the decision themselves.
Myth #6: Vitamins are super healthy
I asked myself this question for a long time, I took vitamins myself during pregnancy, then it was “fashionable”. Just a few years ago there was a big “vitamin” boom, but now the myth about vitamins, for example vitamin C, as a great panacea for cancer and viral diseases is being debunked. I am a bit of a pharmacist, I have experience in this field, but I will not find a specialist who will tell you how 25-30 vitamin-mineral complexes coexist in one capsule, how they interact there, moreover, how the raw materials for this colorful vitamin are created . And then - how vitamins work when they enter the body of a pregnant woman. There are fat-soluble and water-soluble vitamins, while there is an opinion that water-soluble vitamins do not accumulate in the body and are excreted well. So far no one has debunked this opinion, but who knows, many drugs that were considered a panacea are now unacceptable.
The doctor’s principle, especially in the first two to three months of the patient’s pregnancy, is that if you can’t prescribe medications, please don’t prescribe them. It has been proven that the only effective drug is folic acid, and yet there are also questions about it. I am an adherent of the mono-approach, when a deficiency of one or another element in a woman’s body is proven, it manifests itself clinically, and we replenish it.
At the same time, almost 70% of Ukrainian women have iron deficiency, this is a chronically accumulating condition that manifests itself when iron in the depot drops critically, and as a result, hemoglobin. And if a woman does not take action during pregnancy, then by the first or second month after giving birth we have a “zombie mother” whose nails crumble and hair falls out, and doctors usually say that she is depressed, but in fact she is critical lack of iron. It is necessary to pay attention to the level of hemoglobin from the first days of pregnancy. According to WHO recommendations, if more than 20% of pregnant women in a region have iron deficiency anemia, then iron supplements should be prescribed to all pregnant women in that region. And in Ukraine there are not even 20 such pregnant women, but at least 70%!
Myth #7: You shouldn’t dye your hair or nails during pregnancy.
This is the most common myth that appeared after one incident that coincided with some kind of complication - someone painted their nails and then the child was born with a certain deviation. But after this does not mean as a result of this. We have not used chemically harmful nail polishes for a long time. They could only cause harm through inhalation, because they are not absorbed through the skin. Acrylic can be harmful - due to inhaled microparticles, which can harm not even the child, but the woman herself, you should not introduce unnecessary risk factors during pregnancy.
If we talk about hair dyes, the only substance that can harm a child through absorption is ammonia. But ammonia-free paints have no effect, they are not absorbed and do not reach the placenta in such quantities as to harm the baby.
Myth No. 8: You can’t suddenly quit drinking and smoking, it’s stressful for mother and child
In my opinion, alcohol and cigarettes are much more harmful than nail polish and hair dye. Ethyl alcohol directly passes through the placenta and when the heart rate of the baby in the womb is at the level of 140-160 beats per minute, exactly 140-160 times per minute, blood with alcohol passes through the still completely unformed brain of the future person. I don’t understand why pregnant women need a glass of wine; it is extremely dangerous for the child, especially in the early stages of the so-called embryonic period. The WHO recommendations include permission to drink alcohol, albeit in very limited quantities - I jokingly assume that it is made for Irish women who cannot help but drink. But I categorically forbid my patients from doing this. Fetal alcohol syndrome in children whose mothers suffer from alcoholism is a situation that in many countries is even an indication for termination of pregnancy, as it can cause profound mental retardation.
The myth about smoking during pregnancy goes like this: when you find out you are expecting a baby, you shouldn’t quit right away, because it will cause withdrawal symptoms. This leaves me bewildered, because the child does not yet have an addiction syndrome, and each puff adds to the negative effect of nicotine on cell division, on the delivery of oxygen to cells and tissues. And even the adrenaline that appears in the mother’s body when she quits smoking does not have as negative an effect on the child as nicotine.
Myth No. 9: Uterine tone is extremely harmful.
The uterus is a muscular organ that contracts and relaxes constantly during pregnancy. And that notorious tone that is used to scare pregnant women is the reaction of the uterus to any movement of a woman. The woman sat down - the uterus contracted, the woman stood up, turned around, after urinating - the same thing happens. Short-term contractions do not lead to any serious consequences, but train the fetal-placental system to normal hypoxic factors during future births.
Myth #10: Sex is prohibited during pregnancy
Obstetricians often prohibit pregnant women from having sex - just in case and for longer, without taking into account that they have a family and certain physiological needs. It is especially difficult for men to live without sex for nine months. And prohibiting sexual activity for such indications as uterine tone is a mockery of the family and a risk for the woman herself, whose husband may have unprotected sex with other sexual partners and infect his wife with infections. Therefore, such prescriptions as prohibiting sexual activity should be made only if there is a real risk of pregnancy failure or serious complications, for example in the case of central placenta previa. But if a woman feels normal, she no longer vomits ten times a day, there is no risk of pregnancy failure or illness, then why not?
At consultations before childbirth, I always tell patients: “Enjoy each other as much as possible, because after giving birth you will not have this opportunity for about a month, or even two.” In the postpartum period, the uterus is a large wound, it heals, and at this moment no unnecessary factors are needed, even “domestic” staphylococci, which partners certainly exchange during contact, so at this time abstinence is necessary.
Why do completely irrational ideas arise?
The most common irrational belief among pregnant women is that heartburn is supposedly caused by the baby's growing hair. During an ultrasound, patients are not particularly interested in specific details, parents want a show, and in the third trimester the child already has hairs that sway touchingly. Many mothers exclaim: “Oh, that’s why I have heartburn! The child’s hair has grown!” Although this is absolutely unrelated, the point is this: the uterus grows, produces mechanical pressure on the stomach, gastric juice containing hydrochloric acid enters the esophagus and causes a burning sensation, that is, heartburn. But some mothers, even knowing this, prefer to believe in “grandmother’s” signs. All myths, sometimes very strange (like, for example, the old myth - if you sew or embroider during pregnancy, the child will have a birthmark in the place where you hold the embroidery hoop) are due to ignorance and lack of information.
Therefore, you need to start with high-quality basic sources and accumulate a strong “tree” of knowledge. There is a lot of information in the Internet age; it needs to be analyzed correctly. If basic knowledge is not enough, you do not need to rely on myths, rumors and assumptions, but turn to professionals.
The wrong side of motherhood really doesn’t always look like a glossy picture. We get tired, we get sick, things don’t work out for us, our nerves give out. And there is no one to complain to.
“Sisters, I finally found you. I thought I was the only one.” Almost every message from endlessly tired mothers begins with these words.
In a special community on VKontakte, women pour out their souls. This is anonymous, this is without comments, no one will judge them for their cry from the heart. And if he does condemn, he won’t be able to say it out loud. An endless Groundhog Day, when family life has turned into the #happiness of motherhood, a once beloved and caring husband has turned into #nothing, and the child has become a burden - I don’t even want to imagine such a life.
We have collected 9 of the most emotional stories, thanks to which you can understand how difficult it can be for a mother, even the most loving, strong and patient one. And you know, many of them are impossible to read without tears.
#1. About fatigue
How I envy parents whose children sleep well. This is just a dream, a fairy tale, not a child. We are 1.5 years old, and we have always had problems with sleep, always... I tried everything, even turned to child sleep consultants. At first I complained that I didn’t sleep enough when I fed at night, then that the child slept for 40 minutes during the day, then the endless screaming at night about teeth. And now we just walk at night. We wake up at 3 and good morning... Now I understand that before I at least somehow slept... It’s 6.08, and I haven’t closed my eyes yet. I envy, I envy those whose children sleep normally, this is oxygen in your life...
#2. About a nervous breakdown
Today I passed the point of no return. For the first time, in a fit of rage, I shouted that I didn’t love my son. That he was stupid, disgusting, that I would send him to live with his mother-in-law, I threw clothes at him, with horror I realized that I wanted to hurt him. Not a day has passed that I haven’t regretted having given birth. How I shook over him in the first two years, did not allow any bad emotions in front of him. I didn’t sleep at all for the first 2.5 years and now I sleep very poorly. He breaks everything he can get his hands on and constantly yells. He doesn’t go to kindergarten, he’s sick. And I’m alone with this monster all day long with virtually no help, and I’m also trying to work. Now I understand that people like me don’t have to give birth at all.
#3. About the ideal mother
Thank you, sisters! You allowed me not to go for walks when I don’t want to or can’t. You allowed me to walk with a double stroller, the savior of my nerves and the child’s mood. So that you can drive one like this around the park with a stroller, and the little ones ride in it for their own pleasure, and not so that the little one sleeps in the cradle, and a tired or dissatisfied two-year-old trudges behind, whining and screaming, but walks on her own! You allowed me to be stuck on my phone, you explained to me that it’s not shameful, it’s not shameful, it’s okay! Thank you all. You make my life happier.
#4. About discrimination
Sitting in the sandbox with the weather for 5 years, I heard a lot of stories about mothers being fired. Every time I thought: “Oh, how unlucky she is, but it will never be like that with me...” I went on maternity leave from a job that was amazing for my age, 16 years of civil service experience, 2 higher educations, all on my own, with my own mind... Despite the diagnoses after ten operations and 6 IVF gave birth to a son, a year and 9 months later - a daughter... As a result, a month before leaving, they called to the boss: “You have become stupid in 5 years, you will not be able to work.” It’s as if they gave me a stamp in the maternity hospital: “Stupid fool.” As a result, after taking up my position, I was naturally fired. During the 3 months of work, only the lazy did not spread rot on me - according to the instructions of the management, I had to be eaten. And where now to look for work at 40 years old, with children 5 and 3 years old?
#5. About depression
I am 27 years old, I have a son, he is six months old. I love him very much, but I’m so tired... After giving birth, you can put a fat cross on me. I was terribly tired and burned out. The maternity hospital is my personal hell, 5 terrible days, curettage, catheters, IVs. By my son’s fourth month, I broke down. Stopped sleeping. At all. At night I howled from powerlessness and begged my husband to take me to a mental hospital in the hope that my sleep would be fixed there. Then it seemed to let go. The child constantly sits in his arms, he cannot eat, he cannot sleep. Physically I am out of work, my husband is at work.
I'm ready to kiss my mother-in-law's feet. She feeds me, takes the child, helped me get out of depression. On sleepless nights, she stroked me and changed the hot water bottle at my feet. Almost every day before work, she comes to us and gives me something to eat for a walk so that I won’t be hungry. I'm in prison, my personal prison. Everything seems to be just fine: family, child, everything is there. But no person will be happy living in limited freedoms, leaving their comfort zone thousands of times a day. Probably, one day everything will be forgotten and I, renewed, will become happy again. Dear ones, let’s hold on and remember: everything passes, and this will pass.
#6. About “caring” husbands
My husband drinks in critical situations. Well, every man has his own “diaper”, we all know that. I passed the traffic deadline. She scrubbed the windows and floors while squatting. The apartment was clean, the water broke the next day. The birth was difficult, emergency caesarean section after 18 hours of agony. At the most terrible moment, when the child was without water for a long time, they tried three types of stimulation on me and sent me for an ECS, because the CTG became bad, he was already drunk in the trash and did not answer calls. Four days in the maternity hospital without sleep and half-bent - many here have gone through this. When we arrived home, I was simply in shock. It was not a srach, but a real garbage dump. There is vodka and herring in the refrigerator. I celebrated for 4 days, my daughter was born! I couldn’t walk for more than a minute, they cut my whole stomach open, how selfish you have to be! Celebrated! There were friends! I didn't have time to do anything! Girls, 10 months have passed. I will never forgive this.
#7. About a child's cry
You live and live, and then one day, some new, unknown crap happens, which you don’t know which way to approach. And yesterday becomes a memory of sweet stability. My daughter is 2.8, and one day she became simply insane. One day, after a nap, another person woke up. How? Why? I’m already afraid of her, I’m tired and I can’t listen to these squeals anymore for any reason. She can scream for several hours because they don't play cartoons for her! Hours! After these attacks, she becomes unresponsive, she says that her stomach hurts, she needs to be carried in her arms or sit next to her, but I’m just broken. Just two weeks ago I had an ordinary, moderately capricious daughter, and I don’t understand what happened. The doctor said: wait, it will go away on its own.
#8. About the psychologist
Last Wednesday I finally did my makeup, dyed and styled my hair the day before, dug out high-heeled leather pumps from the closet, even put on a snow-white coat and went... to see a psychotherapist - to tell him about my happiness of motherhood and the special happiness of being a wife... He met me an incredulous smile: what a young lady, you are depressed, after all, you smile with 32 teeth and dressed up as if for an audience with the Queen of England.
And I smile because I found the time. I dressed up so that at least for a moment I could feel like a beautiful woman and remember the life that I once had.
He prescribed me a course of antidepressants and three types of injections, diagnosing deep, long-standing depression. What am I talking about, girls? And besides, pay attention to yourself in time, don’t be afraid of doctors of this profile, and you will be happy, like me, and it’s okay that I once fell asleep on a swing from a side effect of sedation on the playground, but I don’t yell at the children.
P.S. You have the right to be sick, tired, unable, unwilling, and tell those who don’t agree with it to hell! I hug each of you.
#9. About what this is all for
How long will it take for a baby to be born? Is it possible to speed it up? Get answers to some of your questions by reading our article!
Labor can be rapid (4-5 hours) and protracted (lasting more than a day). But, as a rule, the first child is born through natural means in about 12-14 hours, or maybe a little less - about 8-10. These are average figures. What is it really like?
1 I'm thin and have narrow hips. Does this mean that I will have a difficult and long labor?
Body structure does not have a decisive influence on the course of labor, although experienced midwives say that, as a rule, tall and thin women give birth more easily. The time of labor depends on the strength and regularity of uterine contractions. The structure of the pelvis is of immediate importance, especially when the child is large. Your obstetrician-gynecologist will measure your pelvis to see if there is any narrowing (most often, even thin women have quite normal pelvis sizes). A discrepancy in size between mother and child (in this case a caesarean section is required) is rare.
Your positive attitude also plays a big role during childbirth; it helps to give birth easier!
2 My mother gave birth to me very quickly. Will this happen to me too?
Rapid birth occurs in women who have very pliable tissues, muscles and a wide pelvis, as well as a high threshold for pain sensitivity. But the belief that they give birth instantly is an illusion. It’s just that strong contractions, as a rule, begin to be felt only when the dilation of the cervix is 7-8 cm.
There is no evidence that women from the same family (mother, daughters, sisters) give birth in the same way. We are all different, we lead different lifestyles; Basically, nowadays pregnancies are later than, say, our grandmothers had.
Therefore, even if one of your relatives had a long labor, things may be different for you!
3 Why is oxytocin administered during childbirth?
If labor proceeds correctly, then it should not be interfered with, as this may lead to too strong contractions of the uterus.
An oxytocin drip is given if the contractions are too weak, have stopped altogether, and also when the amniotic fluid has broken and labor does not begin. Oxytocin helps stabilize the pace and strength of contractions. Oxytocin is also given during the second stage of labor if contractions weaken and the baby's head is already in the birth canal.
4 I'm afraid of pain, but apparently anesthesia delays the birth of a child?
The introduction of an anesthetic drug (anesthetic) aims to turn off pain, not sensitivity. The woman in labor feels contractions, can walk, squat, and change position. It happens, however, that too large a dose is administered or the body absorbs the drug more slowly. Then the rate of labor may decrease. But this happens extremely rarely.
Conscious collaboration with the midwife and doctor helps ensure that the birth of your baby goes more smoothly. Therefore, it is worth using this kind of breathing techniques, because... they will help relieve pain and avoid any complications. In childbirth preparation courses, you will also learn how to push correctly.
If you are planning a joint birth, then you need to take these courses together with your husband. The support of a loved one has a positive effect on the process of giving birth to a baby!
6 What if I have a caesarean section? How long will it take?
From 30 minutes to an hour. This is how long it takes to prepare the team, prepare your abdomen, make the incision, remove the child and suturing the tissues.
7 Will squatting, playing with a ball, and taking a shower help me during labor?
Showering soothes pain and relaxes muscles. Squatting promotes better dilatation of the cervix because the vertical position is more natural than the horizontal. It is better to be in an upright position, to be active, because this increases the chances that the birth of a new person will go faster!
8 Why is childbirth usually easier and faster in the bathroom?
Water relaxes, and this, as a rule, stimulates labor a little. In water, the muscles are relaxed, opening is easier. Thanks to this, the woman in labor experiences less pain. The bath can be used in the first stage of labor, and the second stage is better spent “on land”.
Nature and doctors have divided the process of childbirth into three periods.
The first (dilation), as a rule, lasts up to 14 hours and ends at the moment of complete dilatation of the cervix.
The second, pushing, takes 15-60 minutes and ends with the birth of the baby.
There is also a third, afterbirth (the placenta and membranes are born). Takes no more than 30 minutes.
Now you know a little more.
If you have any questions about childbirth, pregnancy and everything connected with it, leave your comments.
Today my daughter is 7 weeks old. And, perhaps, like many future and current mothers, during pregnancy I read and heard an incredible number of frightening stories about how difficult pregnancy is, how terrible childbirth is and how sleepless nights are while the baby is growing up. After all these stories, I completely understand girls who, with stable family relationships, do not decide to get pregnant until the last minute.
It is for those who really want to have children, but do not dare, that I want to destroy all the established standards and myths that are so often discussed. Keep in mind, I am of course only speaking from my personal experience and cannot deny that every mom has a different story.
About pregnancy
Myth No. 1. Toxicosis
Perhaps I was really very lucky that the topic of toxicosis turned out to be just a myth for me! Everyone has a different body and a different perception of any changes. Many people prepare themselves for pregnancy: they don’t drink, eat right, undergo medical examinations, take a course of vitamins, etc. This is believed to promote an easy and trouble-free pregnancy.
I can destroy this myth! My husband and I certainly wanted children and, quite deliberately, at some point we gave up contraception. But we didn’t want to give up weekends and holidays spent in the company of friends according to the good old Russian custom: we walk like the last time. Therefore, we decided not to waste time on long, boring and completely undesirable preparation and get straight to the point. Besides, we didn’t think that everything would work out right the first time, because, again, we’d heard a lot of stories about how people prepare, try, but nothing works out.
Therefore, my opinion is - don’t waste time on preparation: with our ecology, nutrition and lifestyle, it still won’t add health to you, but it will add more nerves, thoughts and worries. And, as you know, an unstable female psyche can prevent a speedy conception. So, the easier and simpler you approach the issue of creating a new life, the faster it will happen.
Live as you lived before you decided to have a child, do not perceive sex with your loved one as a process of conception, but simply have fun and then everything will definitely work out, as it happened for us.
I didn't know I was pregnant. Of course, I did not exclude the possibility that this could happen, but since pregnancy tests show a positive result only two weeks after conception, I continued to live as I lived. As I already said, I did not have toxicosis. Drowsiness forced me to take a pregnancy test. Many pregnant women say that they want to sleep all the time - and it’s true! During the first weeks I fell asleep at work, in traffic jams, and during training. I took the test on the eve of my birthday on July 26th. It turned out to be a great gift))))
Myth No. 2. Pregnancy is like a disease
You need to take a bunch of tests and constantly hang around in hospitals and clinics.
Believe me, this is a wonderful time when people close to you, and especially your loved one, surround you with care, body, attention and support, and at the same time you feel wonderful and nothing stops you from moving mountains. So why pretend to be “sick” and prevent yourself from enjoying your situation?!
As for visiting the antenatal clinic and getting tested. Perhaps it all depends on your gynecologist, but personally I have not felt the presence of the hospital spirit in my life. So that should be the least of your worries. Something else is important!!! I devoted the second trimester of pregnancy entirely to myself. I actively visited the swimming pool and fitness center for pregnant women, and went shopping for pregnant women (by the way, the H&M brand turned out to be a godsend for me. Other maternity clothing stores seemed tasteless, gloomy and unreasonably expensive to me). I was very proud of my position, so I did not miss the opportunity to leave the house. My friends won’t let me lie, neither bars, nor loud music, nor night time scared me. My friends were happy, because my pregnancy had one undeniable plus - I was always driving)))))))) As a result, the second trimester was in constant motion for me. Work, friends, sports, family, business trip to Moscow, moving, upcoming renovations... I didn’t have time for bad thoughts about my pregnancy, it somehow progressed: my belly was growing, my daughter was kicking and, despite the fact that it was part of me, everything happened without my specific participation. Pregnancy did not interfere with my life in any way.
Myth No. 3. Uncontrollable mood swings and unstable psyche cannot be avoided
We've probably all seen films about the main character's pregnancy. When at first she feels sick all day long, then she chases her unfortunate husband for ice cream and mustard in the middle of the night and subsequently still throws a tantrum, accusing her beloved of not loving her. And we all must understand that this is a change in the mood of a pregnant woman and that this is quite natural in this situation.
I now have my own point of view on the topic of mood changes. I felt it first hand. After the New Year holidays, I went on a well-deserved maternity leave. I must admit, I was really tired of working, and I especially didn’t want to wake up in the morning anymore. So the first priority was to get some sleep. At first, everything was wonderful on maternity leave: my husband went to work, I slept as much as I wanted, then I could afford to just do nothing, surf the Internet, look at children’s things, chat on the phone.
In the evening, I still went out to workout, to the pool or for coffee with my friends, and this continued for a couple of weeks. But endless rest, as we know, gradually turns into laziness. At the beginning, I started skipping workouts, citing large expenses, then I could afford not to go to the pool with my husband. I could spend the whole day in a nightie at home, this led to weight gain, back pain, poor health and, most importantly, to mood swings and mental instability. Poor husband! I could blame him for not calling me during the day from work, and when he called me, I blamed him for waking me up. Naturally, the question of lack of attention was raised, as is usually the case))) I could cry or scream over nothing. And believe me, all this is not pregnancy at all, it is the most common, well-known LAZINESS!
Try to sit at home for at least a week, with just your computer and your cat in company, and see how quickly your husband will run away from you... Fortunately, I was smart enough to understand that this couldn’t continue like this, and already in February I decided to find a part-time job, to at least keep myself occupied with something. And I'm lucky!!! I was invited to work part-time in an area unfamiliar to me: finance and insurance. My role was small, but it doesn’t matter now! The important thing is that I got a second wind. In the seventh month of pregnancy, I got up at 8 am, went to work, read books in this field, and promoted new ideas. Of course, new acquaintances had a positive impact. And despite the fact that I didn’t earn as much as I would like, and it’s unlikely that I will do this in the future, I’m very glad that I had the opportunity to get out of the routine of eternal sleep, laziness and lethargy.
Therefore, I tell you from my own experience that there are no mood problems due to pregnancy. All this from doing nothing!!! Don't allow yourself to be lazy even during pregnancy, and everything will be great!
Myth No. 4. The ninth month is a hellish month
When I was in my ninth month, many acquaintances and friends sent me all sorts of stories and videos about childbirth and pregnancy, which were told by other girls who had all this behind them. I remember a humorous cartoon about Masyanya giving birth. There was also a story from Contact, where a girl tells how her last month went, how she dropped an apple, bent over to pick it up, and couldn’t get up... and had to crawl on her knees to the sofa. Of course, the girl presented everything from a humorous side, providing the story with a moderate amount of swearing, emoticons and a lyrical note at the end about how, no matter what, everything seems like nothing when you see your baby’s first smile and he says “mom” to you.
However, no matter how hard I laughed while reading the story about the last month of pregnancy and childbirth, it made me tense up. I thought that maybe this was really true: 8 months flew by almost unnoticed, and now I can fully feel all the hardships of pregnant life)) But the ninth month flew by for me, waiting for when everything would be bad.) )) I was only worried about two things: 1. What should I wear when it’s 0 degrees outside, and all I can fit is a fur coat. 2.What should I do if I start giving birth at work)))
I eliminated both problems with one decision to stay at home for the last week. I wanted to relax, prepare baby things, and feel like a future mother. I must admit that although I bent over and moved around quite easily and without problems, the last days before giving birth were not so easy, it was especially difficult at night: the baby tried to get out, kicked all the time, it was already completely uncomfortable to lie and I was already dreaming faster give birth. At the last appointment with the gynecologist, I suggested why the child was carried for 40 weeks, because he was already ready to be born after the 38th week: the last two weeks are so difficult that mentally the woman is ready to endure any pain, just to quickly give birth. This is some kind of psychological preparation))) But Vladlena Valerievna, my doctor, just laughed at me and said that I was a dreamer))
About childbirth
Myth No. 5. Childbirth is the biggest pain
which can only happen and lasts up to 24 hours!
There are many myths about childbirth, but they all usually talk about how incredibly painful it is, how difficult it is to survive and how unlucky we women are in this life. I must say that my birth was not as smooth and calm as pregnancy. But even so, I can refute this myth! So, in order... It all started on April 5th somewhere around 8 am. My husband went to work, I slept safely. Because My due date was set for April 4, I had long been ready to move to the maternity hospital: my bags were packed, my baby clothes and diapers were ironed, my emotional state was stable.
Even in the dream, I felt an unpleasant sensation in the back area, because... During menstruation, my back always hurt, the sensations seemed very familiar to me. Somewhere around 9, I still woke up, but I didn’t want to get up and I, lying under the blanket, just observed my condition. It wasn’t even pain, just an unpleasant sensation that went away and started again after about 15 minutes. I suspected that these were contractions, but since it really didn’t hurt, I didn’t fully believe it, because I had also heard a lot of stories about painful sensations during labor. So I lay there for up to 12 hours. Nothing has changed, only the interval between unpleasant sensations was already 10 minutes. I decided that these were contractions after all, and went to the shower. After my shower, I called my husband, who promised to leave work and take me to the maternity hospital.
While my husband was getting to me, I got dressed, put on my makeup (for such an event I specially purchased waterproof cosmetics so that I could look great in any situation), checked everything I had packed again, wrote to all my friends, called my family, in short, did a bunch of things. During this time, the unpleasant sensation turned into a completely tolerable pain, completely similar to the pain during menstruation. Only during this period the pain is constant, but here it lasted 30-40 seconds and stopped for 8-10 minutes. It was already 2 o’clock in the afternoon, that is, 6 hours had passed since the contractions began. At some point, I already thought that I was lucky and that I had such a low pain threshold that it would all end there))) I wanted to believe it, at least.
We ended up in the maternity hospital at 3. They looked at me and made a verdict that it was too early for me to give birth, and in order not to send me back home, since I arrived with my things, it was decided to put me in the ward until labor began to progress.
There were two girls in the ward. One of them was in conservancy and it was too early for her to give birth, the second, like me, was waiting in the wings, but for some reason her contractions disappeared when she arrived at the maternity hospital)))
I stayed there until 9 pm. Those. 13 hours have already passed!!! I have to admit that at 9 it was already painful. But I didn’t want to yell, or roar, or swear. I just walked around the room with slow steps for 30 seconds, and then for 5 minutes during the break between contractions I calmly chatted with my friends on the phone.
At 9 I was transferred to the delivery room, my grandmother arrived, who was with me throughout the birth. Why grandma???? I excluded my husband immediately! I didn’t want him to see how I was suffering and undermine my mental state)) Mom is the person who, at the most unpleasant moment, will definitely say under your arm: “Be patient, all women have experienced this.” But I don’t care who experienced it and when, the main thing is that it hurts me now and here, so this phrase always irritates me. I didn’t want to scare my friends, because... my relatives had not given birth yet and I didn’t want them to know what it was like, but my grandmother in my case is the person who will always regret it, and most importantly, will always find such a common language with the medical staff that they will definitely not forget about me.
From 9 pm to 2 am there were the most unpleasant moments. I was warned that I definitely wouldn’t start giving birth earlier and that I had to wait until my cervix dilated to 10-12 cm. It was painful, but quite tolerable! I didn’t scream, didn’t swear, and I didn’t want to hate men at all; moreover, I talked to my husband on the phone and sincerely confessed my love to him.
At 2 am there was a scheduled inspection. I was 100% ready to give birth, but my body wasn’t!!! It turned out that during all these hours the uterus dilated only 3 cm instead of the required 10. They pierced my bladder, which, by the way, did not hurt at all, and my waters broke. They told me to wait for the doctor. By this time I was tired! I caught myself thinking that I could have endured it for a long time, even though the contractions lasted for 40 seconds and every 3 minutes, and it was really painful if I had been allowed to sleep for at least an hour.
My labor lasted for 18 hours and of course I didn’t sleep all this time. When the doctor came, he said that I had already experienced all possible contractions, that, in theory, pushing and the birth itself should already begin, but for some inexplicable reason the uterus did not open, etc. the child does not have enough air, it is better to do a caesarean section. I agreed without hesitation. I thought that as soon as they put me under anesthesia and the pain went away, I would instantly fall asleep and have a long, long sleep))))
Myth No. 6. Myths about how caesarean sections proceed
There are a lot of myths about caesarean section. Basically they say that it is not safe and that there are many disadvantages to this type of childbirth. I’m not a doctor and I can’t judge what and how, but as a patient I saw only advantages.
As soon as I was given local anesthesia (that is, only on that part of the body below the chest), the contractions immediately ended, or rather, I stopped feeling them. My mood instantly returned. I lay on the operating table, watched how people in masks were preparing to rescue my girl, was glad that I didn’t feel anything below the waist and chatted nicely with the anesthesiologist, who was a tall man of about 45 with very kind eyes. I was interested in the question of how I look naked with a huge belly in the middle of a room where there are a bunch of people wearing masks. He laughed and said like in a horror movie. Then he complimented me that I had such makeup and a smile, as if I had not suffered at all for the last 5 hours, which made me conclude that it was not in vain that I bought waterproof cosmetics.
The operation began. They hung a canopy in front of my nose, so I couldn’t see anything, the anesthesiologist left, I didn’t feel anything, and so I was sure that I would be able to take a nap. But it was not there! Before I had time to think about it, I heard a child scream. The sister-midwife, a sweet older woman, showed me from afar a small, naked girl who was crying loudly. I saw how they weighed her, measured her height and wrapped her in a diaper, then brought her to me and I managed to breastfeed her for a couple of minutes. So these are all myths that when a caesarean section is performed, the baby is not immediately given to the mother. She lay on my chest while the doctors finished the operation, then they wrapped her in a blanket and gave her to my grandmother in her arms. So we all moved together to the postoperative ward, where, to my surprise, two girls were already lying after the operation.
The child was handed to me again. The nurse raised the back of the bed to a semi-sitting position, tucked a pillow under me, showed me how to hold the baby correctly and dimmed the lights in the room. I was happy!!! And not only because I have a small miracle in my hands, but because I still can’t feel my legs, that nothing hurts, that it was 3 o’clock in the morning and I can sleep!
About an hour after the operation, they started giving me painkillers so that it wouldn’t hurt as much when the anesthesia wore off. This is what I was afraid of and expected. By 6 am, I already clearly felt how the seam hurt, but again it was an expected, completely natural pain, like from a cut, which did not interfere with my sleep.
At 8 they woke us up and told us that we needed to try to get up, move and have breakfast. My daughter slept peacefully next to me in the cradle. I even managed to take a picture of her there and send the first pictures to my dad)))
I won't tell you any further. Everything was according to the script: 3 days in the hospital, recovery from surgery, doctors observed me and the child, took tests, taught me how to care for the child and what points to pay attention to, and then they safely returned a HEALTHY verdict and sent me home.
This is how the birth went. I didn’t have them without complications, but even after everything that happened, I can say that the operation to remove the tonsils after a severe sore throat, which I had to endure at the age of 17, was much more painful than childbirth! So I boldly refute the following myths:
Childbirth is painful, but tolerable
When they say that labor lasts 20 hours, it’s true, but you won’t even feel 16 of those 20 hours.
Caesarean is not scary
You recover from anesthesia easily and, as the anesthesiologist assured me, it does not affect the child in any way,
Recovery probably goes differently for everyone, but personally, 4 days was enough for me to be able to get up, move and lie on my stomach painlessly. Unfortunately, I won’t tell you how long it takes to recover after a natural birth.
About life with a child at home
Myth No. 7. When a baby is born, there is not enough time for a manicure.
Probably everyone has heard that when there is a baby in the house, everyone forgets what sleep is. People say that there is absolutely not enough time for themselves or for others. And although I recognize that all children are different, I refute this myth! I am sure that if you plan your day correctly and teach your baby to stick to the established plan, then you will have enough time to write your own story about pregnancy and childbirth.
When I gave birth, guests began to come to us, and they began to come from Varvara’s very first birthday, because I am not at all superstitious, I don’t believe in evil eyes or omens, and I am 100% sure that my child was born only In order to be happy and no one can interfere with this, many told me that I behave as if I already have a lot of experience in caring for children, and that I am no longer afraid of anything.
I had no experience, but I really wasn’t afraid of anything. When in the maternity hospital they showed me how to wash the baby, the nurse so deftly picked her up and almost completely fearlessly dipped her into the water, after which she just as deftly and a little carelessly dried her with a towel. I then said in fear that I was so afraid myself, because she was still a very small child. To which the nurse replied: “Don’t be afraid of anything. This is YOUR child, you don’t need to be afraid of your child.” This phrase is still in my head. I looked at my daughter not as a baby who could not yet hold her head, but as a little person who was already fully formed, he had arms, legs, a skeleton and he could feel, move, scream and cry.
I realized that if I did something wrong, she would definitely let me know. And the fear instantly disappeared. Therefore, already on the second day after her birth, I fearlessly changed her diapers, bathed her under running water in the sink and quite calmly coped with the role of a mother. In general, calmness is the main weapon that can help in such a really easy task as caring for a baby.
I’ve already gone very far from the topic of sleep and free time. But in reality it's all connected. While still in the maternity hospital, I decided for myself that I would sleep at night and that I would teach my child to eat on a schedule. And despite the fact that the doctors ordered me to feed on demand, I was focused on the result. The main thing here is to adequately perceive the child as a person who tends to get used to and adapt to the environment, and not as an incredibly fragile work of art that you can’t even breathe on. Looking at the situation adequately is the second indispensable weapon in education.
Of course, for the first month I really fed my daughter on demand. On average, they had to feed every 2.5-3 hours. That is, I woke up 2 times at night. But again, what does the expression “I didn’t sleep all night” mean? It goes a little differently. You go to bed, for example, at 12, then the child wakes you up at, say, 2.30 at night, at 3 you are already asleep again. In any case, you don’t have to sit next to the crib all night, and if you consider that you don’t have to go to work in the morning, then by 12 noon you’ll already be getting enough sleep. So I can’t say that sleep is happiness for me. I had enough of it, and still have enough of it now.
But it's not just about the dream. It is important to teach your child to be alone. Many mothers, so as not to have to get up and calm the child, sleep with their children. When I removed the stitches on the 10th day after the operation, a girl came with me, with whom we lay together in the postpartum dressing. Of course, I asked how she was doing. She said that everything was fine, said that her daughter hardly cried and that she was probably very lucky. When I asked her why this was so, she said that her daughter sleeps with her, and her husband is in the other room, that she almost always carries her in her arms, and perhaps that is why she is calm, that she feels her mother nearby. I smiled and didn't say anything. I wonder what kind of life she has. She devotes all her time to the child and she succeeds. How does her husband feel about this, because he also needs attention. I'm not even talking about paying attention to yourself.
When we arrived home, my husband also suggested that I spend the night separately, so that if anything happened, I could take the child with me. I was categorically against it! I decided that even if I had to stand by the crib all night, I still wouldn’t put the baby next to me. Everyone should have their own place! I had to stand there for 2 or 3 nights, I don’t remember now, but on the 4th she slept peacefully. And so it is in everything. I don’t allow my family to carry her in their arms for a long time. Over time, she learned and got used to being alone. Of course, I had to be patient a little and listen to how the child could cry, but now she sleeps quite peacefully, lies on a developmental mat when she is awake and does not interfere with her mother taking care of herself, doing a manicure and shaving her legs.
As I already said, today my Varka is 7 weeks old. And although we still have a long way to go, at the moment I don’t have any problems. I have already taught my daughter to sleep at night from 12 to 6 and then eat every 3 hours, and also to be able to entertain herself, despite the fact that we are always surrounded by many grandparents)))
I learned to understand why a child cries. In general, at the moment there may be 3 reasons for tears and screams:
1. She is hungry. This problem is easily solved either with a pacifier or water, if feeding time has not yet arrived, or by satisfying the need at a set time.
2. The child has a stomach ache, colic or swelling. She bends her legs and groans. Thank God, medicine has come to the point of creating medicines even for the smallest babies.
3. The exact reason is unknown, something like lack of attention. This problem can be solved with a pacifier or rattle. When the child feels that he is not alone, she calms down again and can quite calmly do without adults.
Myth No. 8. When there is a child in the house, there must be perfect order
The thing that always scared me the most was dusting and ironing. I really don’t like to do either one or the other, because in the first case it really infuriates me to lift all the figurines, photo frames, books and everything that makes the shelves in the apartment burst. And in the second case, this is a long and tedious task, especially since my mother and grandmother, even before giving birth, scared me with mountains of dirty linen, diapers, undershirts, rompers, which in the end need to be ironed on BOTH SIDES!!!
But this was so in those times when washing machines, breathable diapers and steam irons had not yet been invented. So we are lucky!!! It is a myth! Today everything is very positive. Doctors came to the conclusion that it is no longer necessary to swaddle the child, so there are no diapers. Diapers save babies' clothes and they don't require frequent washing, and steam irons allow you to steam baby vests so well that they don't need to be ironed on both sides. So when my mother comes to us under the pretext of helping around the house, she can only sit and watch the baby sleep, because everything else has already been washed and ironed.
What about the general wet tidying of the house. Here, too, everything is exaggerated. Yes, now I try to tidy up not once a week, but twice, but even so, some shelves remain without my attention for a long time. At the moment, doctors advise not to be a fan of tidying up, because if a child constantly lives in perfect cleanliness, then how will he develop an addiction to the environment and develop immunity to our frankly bad ecology. Therefore, everything should be in moderation, and since I have not yet found a part-time job at home and I have enough free time, tidying, washing and ironing does not give me much trouble.
Perhaps I’ll wrap it up here, because, honestly, I still don’t know anything at all about children, about their growing up and proper upbringing. I can only rely on my own seven-week experience))) And, having carried a child, given birth to him and lived with him for 7 weeks, I can give some useful advice to all expectant mothers.
First, be calm and balanced in any situation. There is a way out of any situation, and most importantly, for any situation there is an explanation, therefore, no matter what happens to you, at any time, the main thing is not to panic.
Secondly, always remain adequate and sane. Some young mothers lose their heads and are so overwhelmed by maternal feelings that sometimes, while protecting and caring for their child, they forget that in addition to the life of the child, they must remember the lives of loved ones, and most importantly, their own lives. And thirdly, which I didn’t write about, but now I’d like to point out, let your family and grandparents help you as the child grows and develops. Thanks to their help, you will have even more time that you can devote to yourself, and the child will get used to the company of different people, which will definitely have a positive effect in the future. That's why our house is always full of guests, relatives and friends.
So don't even think about it!!! Make up your mind! The child will fit perfectly into your plans and into your lifestyle, whatever it may be, the main thing is that you really want it. Good luck to all!
But here's the problem. When you yourself become a mother, the ideal picture greatly contradicts the reality that has befallen you. Are you not ready for this? Maybe. This is because in our society it is not customary to tell the truth about life after the birth of a baby, and that this is not always a holiday. We thought it was time. So, 8 myths about rainbow motherhood.
Myth 1. “I’ll rest on maternity leave”
Almost every woman will probably say that, tired at work, she dreamed that someday she would wake up without an alarm clock, spend the day not according to schedule, go to exhibitions with her baby, admire him sleeping.
Reality looks completely different: on the very first night after giving birth, you will wake up several times to your crying “alarm clock”, which is hungry. Or his tummy hurts. Or he just wants to feel his mother at 4 am. Day and night you will feed, water, and carry the baby. Life will be scheduled minute by minute. Behind all the cute photos on VKontakte of mothers with children there is harsh daily work, seven days a week. Stakhanov never dreamed of it.
Myth 2. Young mothers glow with happiness
Most women, according to statistics, find themselves at the mercy of postpartum depression, which is based on serious hormonal changes that occur in the mother’s body after childbirth. When a baby is born, the release of hormones resembles volcanic activity. It is this “tectonic activity” that allows the entire body to mobilize in order to produce milk, withstand sleepless nights, and care for a helpless baby. Against the background of general physical exhaustion, overwork and lack of normal sleep, this often causes postpartum depression. Moreover, in 10-15% of cases we are not talking about “maternal blues”, but about a real disease. But the good news is that this is temporary.
Myth 3. “When I give birth to a child, I will do everything according to the rules”
I’ll try to do without “diapers” - what if it’s harmful? I won't give you a pacifier. Never. I will not leave my child with my grandmothers. I can handle it myself. I will teach him to read from birth, and he will grow up to be a child prodigy. I will, I will, I will...
Now exhale. The most important thing you can give a child is not your correctness. Not your "principles". And your warmth and your love. To give them, you must organize your life in such a way that sometimes someone can replace you, and you can sleep. Or at least combed their hair and took a shower without haste. Disposable diapers are your ticket to a happy sleep and the opportunity to walk longer in the fresh air. A pacifier (if a good one, orthodontic) will not become your main sin if you see no other way to calm your baby. Use common sense. If there is the slightest opportunity to make your life easier without harming your baby, take it. Don't try to be perfect. Be loving and calm, that's more important.
Myth 4. With the birth of a child, life takes on meaning.
With the advent of a baby, life, of course, gets better. One has only to see the baby, and you understand: here he is, the person I love at first sight. However, this does not mean that life will have meaning. You shouldn't look for it here. You just have a new important family member. Adored. Now you know what unconditional love is. Perhaps this is the main meaning: to feel this feeling with such amazing strength. But that's where the meaning ends. And the cycle of affairs begins.
By the way, some psychologists and philosophers generally recommend not looking for any meaning in life - it is given in order to live and enjoy its wonderful moments.
Myth 5. Dad is also mom
Dad is dad. Only women have the resources of unconditional love for children. Dads experience conditional love. Of course, they also love babies (especially when it is a planned, desired child for which the man is mentally prepared). With the right approach on the part of the woman, the husband helps with housework, bathes the baby, and knows how to change diapers. However, true love comes to dad a little later, when the baby begins to make his first progress. Shows himself as a person. It'll do. He will speak. Don't let this scare or upset you, this is normal. Dad has another function: he will not let you hopelessly spoil your child.
Myth 6. A newborn sleeps almost all the time.
This opinion is very fond of being expressed by those who have never been with a newborn for a long time or have only seen a small child in the movies. On the one hand, yes, in the first month of life, children sleep 16-20 hours a day. However, day and night, the interval between sleep and wakefulness will be 1-1.5 hours. The conclusion can be made very simple: you will have to learn to sleep in fits and starts, a little at a time, and this will not allow you to fully rest.
But there is also good news. This is temporary. Even when feeding on demand, the regimen improves over time, gradually the intervals between feedings become longer. Try to find opportunities to take a nap during the day. Overwork can lead to chronic fatigue and low mood.
Myth 7. “For the first five years, my child will not know what gadgets are”
Maybe. But still, a mobile phone, a high-quality educational mat with beepers and melodies, an electric swing or a singing night light-projector have helped mothers out more than once, giving them the opportunity to at least go away and have lunch. By the way, with the birth of a child you will have a new useful skill: you will learn to eat like a soldier. Nourishing and very fast. While the baby patiently and enthusiastically looks at the spinning mobile.
Myth 8. There is nothing easier than breastfeeding a baby.
It would seem that there is nothing difficult here - to put the baby to the chest and give him something to eat. However, not all so simple. It turns out that there are nuances in how to properly attach a baby to the breast and how to stimulate lactation. All problems can be solved. The main thing is to be patient, study breastfeeding issues before birth, and “torture” the midwife with questions in the maternity hospital. And, of course, cream with lanolin to lubricate nipples that are not accustomed to such pressure; they need additional care.
Motherhood is not like the pictures where everything is presented as cloudless, bright and simple. The birth of a baby completely changes your life. However, motherhood also changes our heart, and perhaps this is the most important thing.
