How to deal with children's hysteria: advice from a psychologist. How to behave if a child throws a tantrum: advice from a psychologist What to do when a child is hysterical

If the “scene” is just beginning, then there is a very effective way of protection - to distract the child

Say whatever comes to your mind, but with such confidence that it gives the impression of surprise: “Oh, what a bee!...” or “Look, there’s a boy running...Where is he running so fast?”

If your trick is successful, then the child’s anger will melt away with the wave of a magic wand. He will look for a bee, a boy, etc. with his eyes. Next you will need to consolidate your success: “The bee flew away. Do you know that when bees bite, they leave a small needle in the skin” or “The boy is not visible, he probably entered that house.” The main thing is that the child forgets his anger, that is, you resort to a distracting maneuver.

Many have witnessed various “scenes” and children’s tantrums in public places, on playgrounds, etc. The child is not always the culprit of his own hysteria. Perhaps the reason for this behavior was some event that preceded the hysteria - poor health with the first signs of illness, a depressed state due to aggression from peers, a bad mood of loved ones, overexcitement, etc.

To be prepared for such “scenes,” mom should remember the following principles:

1. Your slightest nervousness is contagious to the child. If the mother is in a bad mood, often “on edge,” the child sees this and can project nervousness and create a “scene,” thereby showing that the problem is in the parent himself.

2. Dissatisfaction with the child can aggravate the situation. You furrow your eyebrows because the baby is not listening. As a result, he may become even more cocky. If you scold him, he will flare up. You, in turn, also raised your tone, then he may scream. And if you scream, he will start bawling. Don't create such a chain reaction.

Perhaps you will say: “So, you can allow him everything, never scold him, never punish him?” This is wrong. We advise you to clearly and briefly tell your child everything in a calm tone, and then talk to him about something, so as not to harbor dissatisfaction with the child for a long time.

3. Silence has a calming effect. An angry child will not scream for long if they do not answer him.

Another tip: do not try to reason with an angry child. You won't get through it with this. On the contrary, more suitable “medicines” for this condition are: surprise, silence, fresh water.

4. Blackmail is a dangerous method of education. " I’m sad because you don’t listen”, “Do you want me to die?”, “If you stain your panties again, I won’t love you.”

Parents who resort to blackmail do not think that by using this method they are putting their child before a choice: to believe or not to believe. If he believes it, he will be horrified that he could lose his mother. Or he will not attach even the slightest significance to these words, which is even worse.

5. Education by denial.“Don’t touch.. Don’t do this.. You’re behaving badly...” Some parents raise their children in a “reverse” way, considering the child as a being who does everything in reverse. Therefore, instead of a clear explanation, such parents force the child to do the opposite of what he did.

Instead, you can stick to the positive method. For example, instead of sharp denials, say: “Hold the spoon like this... Sit like this..” This will be more logical and effective, and will not cause the child to become allergic to the particle “not” in the future.

Psychologist Anna Bykova shares any loud child’s cry “I want!” or “I don’t want to!” into three types: whims, demands, protest. The criterion is the child’s awareness of his desire.

“If a child knows exactly what he wants and cries for it to be provided to him, this is a requirement.

If a child knows exactly what he doesn’t want, this is a protest.

If a child doesn’t know what he wants, if he doesn’t want anything, he’s simply irritated by everything – these are whims.

If these are whims, then it is useless to provide educational influences at this moment.

You need to try to calm yourself, calm the child, feed him, put him to sleep - whatever the situation may be. You can come up with your own ritual “Let’s drive away the whim.”

Techniques for preventing hysteria such as “I want what I can’t”, that is, demand hysteria.

Out of sight reception
We remove from the child’s eyes what he should not take. The smaller the child, the more strongly I recommend following this rule. I remember how I took my two-year-old son from kindergarten along a longer route, but we did not encounter any provocateurs on the way: swings, candy stalls and a toy store.

Technique “Switching attention”
We show the child a new bright stimulus and promise another, more interesting activity. In this case, I always had soap bubbles or a ball with me that I could immediately start inflating, small cheap wind-up toys. The smaller the child, the more effective the technique. With age, attention becomes more and more stable, and accordingly, it becomes more and more difficult to switch.

Reception “We allow, but we are vigilant”
Scissors are a dangerous toy for a baby, but if you really want to, you can touch them under the watchful supervision of your mother. Too many prohibitions make a child nervous and limit his development. There must be a balance between the number of “dos” and “don’ts” that a child hears per day. Think about what caused your next “no”? Anxiety for the safety of the child or reluctance to take on additional worries in the form of cleaning?

Reception "Conditional agreement"
The reception formula is “Of course, only later” or “Yes, but...”: “Of course, we will play, but first we’ll sleep a little, and then we’ll play.”

Reception “Preliminary agreement”
It will only work if strictly followed. Once you follow the child’s lead and cancel the contract, further use of the technique is impossible. With a three-year-old, we can already agree in advance that we will not go to the store because we are in a hurry to get home (watch a cartoon, meet dad, play an interesting game). Or like this: “If you want, we will go to the toy store, but we will only look, and we will not buy anything.”

Techniques for preventing hysteria-protest:

"Drag" technique
We drag part of the game situation into a new environment. Wonders of imagination have to be shown when children do not want to go home from kindergarten. Here you are allowed to take a kindergarten toy on a visit and introduce them to your toys. To interrupt the game to eat, we invite the child to feed the toy. To feed a young builder, instead of “Leave the cubes, let’s go eat soup,” you need to announce that the construction team is on a lunch break.

Reception "Warning"
It can be difficult to stop playing instantly. It is better to warn the child in advance, give him time to finish, and help bring the plot of the game to its logical conclusion. Discuss with the child the condition after which the activity will change. “One more cartoon and go swimming”, “Two more times you’ll slide down the slide and go home!” (my son usually bargained until five).

Reception “Alternative Question”
We offer an alternative, the essence of which is that the child will still do it our way. “Will you build the cars or the soldiers first?” The reception does not last long. From the age when a child is able to make a choice to the age when he is able to reject both options.

Reception "Ritual"
Children love stability and constancy, it calms them down. Therefore, come up with your own ritual of going to bed, preparing for dinner, and saying goodbye to kindergarten.

If hysteria does begin, then the algorithm of actions may be as follows:

- Persuasion, persuasion.

– Shifting attention.
Calming ritual.
As a rule, over time, each family develops its own calming ritual. It can be the same poem, fairy tale or game. For example, a mother blows to dry her tears. Or we give the child some magic water to drink, which calms him down.

Ignoring.
If all other methods have already been tried and there is no threat to health (epileptic seizure, asthmatic attack), you can leave the child to cry alone or simply ignore the cry for a while. Do not scold or lock up the child, but calmly voice the conclusion: “You probably just want to cry now... When you get tired of crying, you and I (offer something interesting).”

When there is no one to cry for, then crying is boring.
Especially when it becomes clear that tears cannot achieve results. Here either the child will calm down on his own, or you will try again to calm the child down after a while. Three, five or ten minutes - depending on the age of the child. You can ask in a friendly manner: “So? Are you tired of crying yet? Hug, caress, offer something interesting. The child, as a rule, is already tired of crying and has become more accommodating.

If a tantrum occurs in a public place, the most important thing is to remain calm yourself..
If possible, take the child away from crowds of people to avoid their unwanted interference. And stay calm. Waiting it out calmly, without being led by the child, without getting involved in negative emotional experiences, is the best thing a mother can do in this situation. Because only a calm mother can calm a child.”

Children's tantrums are one of the most unpleasant aspects of parenthood. Most parents are taught that the only reliable way to respond to a tantrum is to ignore it. However, it makes sense to learn to distinguish between hysterics of different origins - after all, you need to react to them differently. We tell you how the scandals that children throw and the development of their brain are connected.

When you have, you may notice that there are two types of tantrums . Top floor hysteria occurs when the child, in fact, arbitrarily decides roll her up. He makes a conscious choice to act this way, to terrorize you and manipulate you until he gets what he wants. Despite all the drama and seemingly sincere pleas, he is able to instantly stop the hysteria, having received what he demanded.

The reason for this ability to stop is that at this moment the child uses the upper brain. He is able to control his emotions and bodily reactions, reason logically and make sound decisions. So, the girl may look completely out of control when she screams heart-rendingly in the middle of the supermarket: “I want those princess slippers now!” - but you will find that she is in control of the situation and is simply manipulating you to achieve the desired outcome.

Parents who have managed to recognize the hysteria of the top floor are left with only one obvious reaction: never negotiate with a terrorist. The top floor tantrum calls for firm boundaries and clear decisions about what behavior is acceptable and what is unacceptable. The correct response to such a situation would be a calm explanation:

“I understand that you really liked these slippers, but I don’t like the way you’re behaving at all. If you don’t stop right now, you won’t get the slippers and I’ll have to forbid you from going to the children’s party today because you don’t know how to behave.”

After this, it is very important to carry out the announced punishment if the behavior does not stop. By providing clear boundaries of this type, you give your daughter the opportunity to observe the consequences of her unacceptable behavior and practice controlling her own impulses. You teach her that respectful treatment, patience, and delayed gratification are rewarded, but contrary behavior is not. These are important lessons for brain development.

If you refuse to give in to the pressure of upstairs tantrums—no matter your child's age—you will stop having to deal with them regularly. Since throwing tantrums are intentional, the child will stop using these types of techniques as soon as he becomes convinced that they are ineffective and sometimes lead to negative results.

Downstairs hysteria- something completely different. In this case, the child is so upset that not able to use your top brain. Your baby becomes so angry that you pour water on his head to wash his hair that he starts screaming, throwing toys out of the bath and frantically waving his fists in an attempt to hit you. In this case, the lower part of his brain, specifically his amygdala, takes over and holds his upper brain hostage. Hormones filling the small body prevent its upper brain from functioning fully. As a result, he is literally unable - at least for the moment - to control his body and emotions, apply judgment, consider possible consequences, solve problems, or take into account the feelings of another person. He lost his temper. The gate is blocking the way to the top floor, and he just can't use all his brain.

When your child is in such a state of disintegration and the downstairs tantrum has taken on massive proportions, a completely different parental response is required. While parents should quickly set firm boundaries for behavior in the case of a top tantrum, the appropriate response to a bottom tantrum should be more affectionate and calming.

The first thing parents should do is connect with their child and help him calm down. This can sometimes be achieved with gentle touches and comforting intonations. Or, if he has gone so far that he can injure himself or someone else or break something, it is better to pick him up, hold him close and calmly talk to him, taking him away from the scene.

You can experiment with different approaches depending on your child's temperament, but the key is to comfort him. In these cases, there is no point in talking about punishment or acceptable behavior. He is simply not able to perceive this information at the moment of a lower brain tantrum, since this kind of conversation requires the functioning of the upper brain, which is capable of listening and assimilating information.

Then, when the upper brain is back on the scene, you can take action using logic and reasoning (“Didn’t you like the way Daddy washed your hair? How do you want us to wash your hair next time?”). Once the child is in a more receptive state, you can talk about acceptable and unacceptable behavior and any possible consequences (“I know you were very angry because the water was running on your face. But you should not hit anyone, even if you are very angry. You can tell me with words: "I don't like this. Please stop"). Your educational interventions can now maintain your authority - which is very important - and you can implement them from a position of greater awareness and empathy. And your child will be more likely to learn this lesson because you teach him at a time when his brain is receptive to learning.

As experienced parents know, it is not uncommon for toddlers to lose their temper. If this happens to a ten-year-old child, everything looks different, but a child of any age (and even an adult!) is susceptible to hijacking by the lower brain in situations of emotional intensity. That's why knowing about the upper brain and the lower brain—and that tantrums can occur on different floors—can help us discipline our children more effectively. It allows you to see more clearly when to draw the line and when to use tender sympathy.

Discussion

Thank you for the article

we often have hysterics

I didn’t even know that children’s tantrums could be divided into types. And some of them can’t even be stopped. Now I will know how to act, otherwise the child is small and capricious. And this is just manipulation. Well, now I’ll just ignore the baby until he understands that doing this is bad. I also like to read the HedgehogHedgehog portal, there is a lot of useful information there. Now I'll add this site to my bookmarks :)

Comment on the article "2 types of tantrums in children and the correct reaction of parents"

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Surely every parent has at least once encountered children's tantrums. They appear, it seems, for no reason and end just as suddenly, but they cause a lot of anxiety for all adults. Is it possible to prevent an emotional outburst in a child? What to do if your baby is hysterical? Advice from a child psychologist will help tired parents cope with such problems and bring harmony to family life.

Causes of hysteria in children of different ages

In order to learn how to cope with hysterical attacks in children of different ages, you must first find out their causes.

Tantrums in a 2 year old child

A two-year-old child often resorts to tantrums to get extra attention from adults. He has several effective methods in his arsenal: loud screams, stubbornness, rolling on the floor in places where there is an audience. Psychologists say that such behavior is natural for a small child due to the imperfections of his emotional system. He still cannot express in words his indignation if his parents refuse something or forbid him to do something.

At this age, the baby is already beginning to separate himself from adults, and is also actively exploring the world around him. However, all sorts of restrictions stand in his way, designed to ensure his safety on the street and at home.

The whims of a two-year-old child are often a reflection of their own physical condition: fatigue, hunger or lack of sleep. Perhaps the excess of new impressions has overtired the baby. To calm him down, sometimes it’s enough to just pick him up and stroke his head to distract him from the situation that caused his hysterical behavior.

Entering a preschool institution, the birth of a younger brother or sister, and parental divorce can also cause hysterical attacks. In order to get rid of tension, the baby begins to knock his feet, throw toys around and scream loudly.

Another reason for “bad” behavior may be excessive strictness of parents. In this case, hysteria acts as a desire to resist this style of education and defend one’s own independence.

Tantrums in a 3-year-old child

Especially vivid hysterics, appearing seemingly out of the blue, are noticeable at three years of age. This period, which in psychology is called the three-year crisis, is expressed differently in all children, but the main symptoms are considered to be negativism, self-will and extreme stubbornness. Just yesterday, an obedient baby today does the opposite: he undresses when he is wrapped up warmer, and runs away when he is called.

Frequent tantrums at this age are explained not by a desire to anger parents, but by the usual inability to compromise and express one’s desires. Having received the right thing through whims, the child will continue to manipulate adults to achieve his own goals.

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By the age of four, hysterical attacks usually disappear on their own, since the child can already express his feelings in words.

Tantrums in a 4-5 year old child

Whims and hysterics in children over four years of age are often the result of parental educational failures. The child is allowed everything; he knows about the existence of the word “no” only by hearsay. Even if your mom doesn’t allow it, you can always turn to your dad or grandma.

Constant hysterical behavior in a 4-year-old child can be a serious warning sign that there are problems with the nervous system. If a child behaves aggressively during a hysteria, causes damage to himself and others, holds his breath or loses consciousness, or after an attack there is vomiting, lethargy or fatigue, then you should consult a neurologist.

If the baby’s health is fine, then the reasons for his whims and hysterics lie in the family and the reactions of loved ones to his behavior.

Important:

How to prevent hysteria

The best way to deal with a tantrum is to prevent it from happening. And although psychologists say that all children go through these attacks, you can try to reduce the frequency and severity of emotional outbursts.

1. Maintain a daily routine. Young children and preschoolers feel safe when they adhere to a clearly established routine. Hunger and sleepiness are probably the most common causes of tantrums. They can be avoided by following a normal daily bedtime and eating schedule.
2. Prepare your child for change. Make sure you give him notice well in advance of major changes, such as the first day of kindergarten. By giving your baby time to adjust, you will reduce the likelihood of tantrums.
3. Be firm. If a child feels that he can influence your decisions through tantrums, he will continue to manipulate you to get his way. Make sure he knows that you make strong decisions and won't change your mind in response to bad behavior.
4. Review your inhibitions. Before refusing your child's request, ask yourself whether your ban is really necessary. Why not have your son grab a snack if dinner is late? You can avoid a tantrum by simply making him a sandwich. Don't apply rules just for the sake of rules, review the prohibitions.
5. Provide choice. From the age of two, the toddler achieves greater autonomy. Offer him simple choices to make him feel like an independent person. For example, offer your child a choice between oatmeal and cornflakes for breakfast. Just don’t ask a question like: “What would you like to eat?” You risk receiving an answer that is completely unnecessary to you. Ask: “Are you going to eat porridge or cereal?”
6. Pay more attention. For a child, even bad attention is better than no attention. Make sure you spend enough time responding to his basic needs for love and affection.

Let's see how to stop children's tantrums

If the hysteria has already begun...

If the baby is capricious, distract him, find out why he is dissatisfied, try to eliminate the cause of his dissatisfaction. However, the distraction method only works when the hysteria is just beginning. What to do if the child has already entered into an emotional rage?

1. Make it clear that screaming and yelling does not influence you, they will not help change your decision. If the hysteria is not very strong, say: “Sunny, calmly say what you need. I don’t understand you when you scream.” If the hysterical attack is already severe, then you better leave the room. Talk to your baby when he calms down.
2. Try to isolate the child at the very peak of the emotional explosion. If this happens at home, then leave him alone in the nursery, and if on the street, take him to a place where there are no other children or adults.
3. During whims, always behave the same way so that the baby can understand that his behavior is ineffective.
4. Explain how you can express your dissatisfaction in positive ways. From the age of two, teach your child to use descriptions of emotions in his speech. For example, “I'm upset,” “I'm angry,” “I'm bored.”
5. Watch your feelings. Young children are easily infected by other people's emotions. So your aggression can only make the situation worse.
6. Be patient. If tantrums have already become traditional for a child, do not expect that everything will go away immediately after the first time when you leave the room and calmly explain everything to him. It will take some time for the new model to take hold.

You shouldn’t be afraid of tantrums in children; you need to learn to respond to them correctly. If you have already tried all the tips listed in our article and are still seeing angry outbursts in your child, seek professional help.

Children's tantrums can complicate the life of anyone, even very patient adults. Just yesterday the baby was a “darling”, but today he has been replaced - he screams for any reason, squeals, falls to the floor, bangs his head against the walls and carpet, and no amount of persuasion helps. Such unpleasant scenes are almost never just one-off protests. Often, a child’s tantrums are repeated systematically, sometimes several times a day.

This cannot but worry and puzzle parents who wonder what they did wrong, whether everything is okay with the baby and how to stop these antics. The authoritative, famous children's doctor Evgeniy Komarovsky tells moms and dads how to respond to children's tantrums.

About the problem

Children's tantrums are a ubiquitous phenomenon. And even if the parents of a toddler say that they have the calmest baby in the world, this does not mean that he never makes a scene out of the blue. Until recently, it was somehow embarrassing to admit to hysterics in one’s own child; parents were embarrassed, in case those around them would think that they were raising a toddler poorly, and sometimes they were even afraid that others would consider their beloved child mentally “not like that.” So we fought as best we could, in the family circle.

In recent years, they began to talk about the problem with specialists, child psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists and pediatricians. And an insight came: there are much more hysterical children than might seem at first glance. According to statistics available to child psychologists in one of the large clinics in Moscow, 80% of children under the age of 6 experience tantrums periodically, and 55% of such children have regular hysterics. On average, children can have such attacks from 1 time a week to 3-5 times a day.

A child's tantrum has certain core symptoms. As a rule, an attack is preceded by some identical events and situations.

During a hysteria, a child may scream heart-rendingly, tremble, choke, and there will not be so many tears. There may be trouble breathing, the heart rate increases, and many children try to harm themselves by scratching their faces, biting their hands, hitting walls or the floor. The attacks in children are quite long, after which they cannot calm down for a long time and sob.

At certain age periods, hysterics acquire stronger manifestations; at such “critical” stages of growing up, emotional outbursts change their color. They may appear unexpectedly, or they may disappear just as suddenly. But hysterics should never be ignored, just as a child should not be allowed to manipulate adult family members by screaming and stamping his feet.

Doctor Komarovsky's opinion

First of all, says Evgeniy Komarovsky, parents should remember that A child in a state of hysterics definitely needs an audience. Kids never make scandals in front of the TV or washing machine; they choose a living person, and among the family members, the one who is most sensitive to his behavior is suitable for the role of spectator.

If dad begins to worry and get nervous, then he will be the one chosen by the child for a spectacular hysteria. And if the mother ignores the child’s behavior, then throwing a tantrum in front of her is simply not interesting.

Dr. Komarovskaya will tell you how to wean your child from hysterics in the next video.

This opinion somewhat contradicts the generally accepted opinion of child psychologists, who claim that a child in a state of hysterics has absolutely no control over himself. Komarovsky is sure that the baby is perfectly aware of the situation and the balance of power, and everything he does at this moment is done completely arbitrarily.

Therefore, the main advice from Komarovsky is not to show in any way that the children’s “concert” is in any way touching parents. No matter how strong the tears, screams and stamping of feet may be.

If a child ever gets his way with a tantrum, he will use this method constantly. Komarovsky warns parents to cajole their child during a tantrum.

To give in means to become a victim of manipulation, which will, to one degree or another, constantly improving, continue for the rest of your life.

It is advisable to be calm all family members adhered to the tactics of behavior and rejection of hysterics, so that mom’s “no” never turns into dad’s “yes” or grandma’s “maybe.” Then the child will quickly understand that hysteria is not a method at all, and will stop testing the nerves of adults.

If the grandmother begins to show gentleness and pity the child offended by parental refusal, then she risks becoming the only spectator of children's hysterics. The problem, says Komarovsky, is the lack of physical security with such grandmothers. After all, usually a grandson or granddaughter gradually stops obeying them and can end up in an unpleasant situation in which they can get injured during a walk, get burned by boiling water in the kitchen, stick something into a socket, etc., because the baby will not react in any way to the grandmother’s calls.

What to do?

If a child is 1-2 years old, he is quite quickly able to form correct behavior at the reflex level. Komarovsky advises putting the baby in a playpen where he will have a safe space. As soon as the hysteria begins, leave the room, but let the child know that he is being heard. As soon as the little one is silent, you can go into his room. If the scream repeats, go out again.

According to Evgeniy Olegovich, two days are enough for a one and a half to two year old child to develop a stable reflex - “mom is nearby if I don’t yell.”

For such “training,” parents will truly need nerves of iron, the doctor emphasizes. However, their efforts will certainly be rewarded by the fact that in a short time an adequate, calm and obedient child will grow up in their family. And one more important point - the sooner parents apply this knowledge in practice, the better it will be for everyone. If the child is already over 3 years old, this method alone cannot be used. More painstaking work on errors will be required. First of all, over parental mistakes in raising their own child.

The child does not obey and is hysterical

Absolutely any children can be naughty, says Komarovsky. Much depends on the character, temperament, upbringing, norms of behavior that are accepted in the family, on the relationships between the members of this family.

Do not forget about the “transitional” age - 3 years, 6-7 years, adolescence.

3 years

At the age of about three years, a child begins to understand and become aware of himself in this big world, and, naturally, he wants to try this world for strength. In addition, children at this age are not yet and are not always able to express in words their feelings, emotions and experiences on any occasion. So they show them in the form of hysterics.

Quite often at this age stage, night tantrums begin. They are spontaneous in nature, the child simply wakes up at night and immediately practices a piercing cry, arches, sometimes tries to break free from adults and try to run away. Typically, nighttime tantrums do not last so long, and the child “outgrows” them; they stop as suddenly as they began.

6-7 years

At 6-7 years old, a new stage of growing up occurs. The baby is already ripe to go to school, and they are beginning to demand more from him than before. He is very afraid of not meeting these requirements, he is afraid of “letting him down,” the stress accumulates and sometimes spills out again in the form of hysteria.

Evgeny Komarovsky emphasizes that most often parents turn to doctors with this problem when the child is already 4-5 years old, when hysterics occur “out of habit.”

If at an earlier age the parents failed to stop this behavior and unwittingly became participants in a harsh performance that the child plays out in front of them every day, trying to achieve something of his own.

Parents are usually frightened by some external manifestations of hysteria, such as a semi-fainting state of the child, convulsions, “hysterical bridge” (arching the back), deep sobs and breathing problems. Affective-respiratory disorders, as Evgeniy Olegovich calls this phenomenon, are characteristic mainly of young children - up to 3 years old. With strong crying, the child exhales almost the entire volume of air from the lungs, and this leads to paleness and breath holding.

With such manifestations of hysteria, it is still better to consult a pediatric neurologist, since the same symptoms are characteristic of some nervous disorders.

• Teach your child to express emotions in words. Your child cannot avoid being angry or irritated at all, like any other normal person. You just need to teach him how to correctly express his anger or irritation.
• A child prone to hysterical attacks should not be overly patronized, coddled and cherished; it is best to send him to kindergarten as early as possible. There, Komarovsky says, attacks usually do not occur at all due to the absence of constant and impressionable spectators of hysterics - mom and dad.
• Hysterical attacks can be learned to anticipate and control. To do this, parents need to carefully observe when the hysteria usually begins. The child may be sleep-deprived, hungry, or he cannot stand being rushed. Try to avoid potential “conflict” situations.
• At the first sign of a hysteria beginning, you need to try to distract the child. Usually, Komarovsky says, this “works” quite successfully with children under three years of age. With older guys it will be more difficult.
• If your child tends to hold his breath during a tantrum, there is nothing particularly wrong with that. Komarovsky says that in order to improve breathing, you just need to blow in the baby’s face, and he will definitely take a reflexive breath.
• No matter how difficult it may be for parents to deal with their child’s tantrums, Komarovsky strongly recommends going all the way. If you let your child defeat you with a tantrum, it will be even more difficult later. After all, from a hysterical three-year-old one day, a hysterical and completely obnoxious teenager of 15-16 years old will grow up. It will ruin the lives of not only the parents. He will make it very difficult for himself.

• Doctor Komarovsky

During a hysteria, the child loses self-control, and his general state is characterized as extremely agitated. Hysterics in a child are accompanied by the following signs: crying, screaming, waving movements of legs and arms. During attacks, the baby may bite himself or nearby people, fall to the floor, and there are cases of hitting his head against the wall. A baby in this state does not perceive familiar words and beliefs, and reacts inadequately to speech. This period is not suitable for explanations and reasoning. Conscious influence on adults is designed to ensure that in the end he gets what he wants. Often this behavior has a positive effect.

During a hysteria, the child is characterized by an extremely unstable emotional state and is capable of inappropriate actions.

Causes

The older the baby, the more personal desires and interests he has. Sometimes these views are at odds with what parents think. There is a clash of positions. The child sees that he cannot achieve what he wants and begins to get angry and nervous. Such tense situations provoke the appearance of hysterical states. We list the main factors influencing this:

• the baby is not able to declare and express his dissatisfaction;
• an attempt to attract attention to oneself;
• the desire to get something needed;
• overwork, hunger, lack of sleep;
• painful condition during the period of exacerbation of the disease or after it;
• an attempt to become like other children or to be like an adult;
• the result of excessive guardianship and excessive severity of parents;
• the child’s positive or negative actions do not have a clear reaction from adults;
• the system of rewards and punishments is poorly developed;
• when a child is taken away from some exciting activity;
• improper upbringing;
• weak nervous system, unbalanced behavior.

Having once seen something like this in their baby, parents often don’t know how to react and how to stop it? My only wish during attacks is for them to end as soon as possible and not start again. Parents can influence their frequency. The duration of such situations will depend on their correct and rational behavior.

Errors in response will lead to unpleasant moments dragging on for many years. A calm reaction to hysterical attacks, the absence of a reaction as such, will reduce children's hysterics to “no” in the shortest possible time.

Difference from whims

Before you start fighting hysterical attacks, you should distinguish between the two concepts of “hysteria” and “whim”. Whims are deliberate actions aimed at obtaining what is desired, impossible or forbidden. Whims manifest themselves similarly to hysterics: stomping, screaming, throwing objects. Whims are often born where there is no way to fulfill them - for example, you want to eat candy, but there is none in the house, or go for a walk, and it’s raining outside the window.

Children's tantrums are characterized by involuntary behavior. The baby cannot cope with emotions, and this spills over into physical manifestations. Thus, in a hysterical state, a child tears out his hair, scratches his face, cries loudly or bangs his head against the wall. It can be stated that sometimes there are even involuntary convulsions, which are called “hysterical bridge”. A child in this state arches.

Stages of attacks

How do children's tantrums manifest themselves? 2-3 years – age characterized by the following stages of attacks:

Stage	Description
Scream	The loud screams of a child frighten parents. In this case, no requirements are put forward. During the onset of another tantrum, the baby sees and hears nothing around.
Motor excitement	The main characteristics of the period: active throwing of things, stomping, hitting with legs, arms and head against the wall, floor. The baby does not feel pain at such moments.
Sobbing	The child's tears begin to flow. They simply flow in streams, and the whole appearance of the little one expresses resentment. A baby who has crossed the second stage and has not received consolation in it continues to sob for a very long time. Little ones have a very difficult time coping with the emotions that wash over them. Having received calm only at the last stage, the child will be completely exhausted and will express a desire to sleep during the daytime. He falls asleep quickly, but sleeps restlessly at night.

When hysterical, a child may fall to the floor and arch, which is especially shocking to unprepared parents

The weak and unbalanced type of the child’s nervous system is most susceptible to severe attacks. Hysterical manifestations also occur before the age of 1 year. They are characterized by heart-rending, prolonged crying. What can cause this condition? The reason can be even a minimal error in care: the mother did not change her wet pants, a feeling of thirst or hunger, a need to sleep, pain from colic. Such children are characterized by constant waking up at night. A one-year-old baby may continue to cry for a long time, even if the causes have already been eliminated.

Tantrums in a child aged 1.5-2 years

Children as young as one and a half years old throw tantrums due to emotional overstrain and fatigue. A psyche that is not fully established gives such results, but the older the child, the more conscious his hysterical attacks are. In this way he manipulates the feelings of his parents, achieving his goals.

By the age of 2, a grown-up baby already understands well how to use the words “I don’t want”, “no” and understands the meaning of the phrase “you can’t”. Having realized the mechanism of their action, he begins to apply them in practice. A two-year-old cannot yet express his protest or disagreement verbally, so he resorts to a more expressive form - hysterical fits.

The aggressive and unbridled behavior of a 1-2 year old child shocks parents; they do not know what the correct reaction will be. The baby screams, waves his arms, rolls on the floor, scratches - all these actions require an adequate reaction from adults. Some adults succumb to provocations and fulfill all the wishes of the little one, and another part resorts to physical punishment in order to wean them from this in the future.

When hysterical, a child can become aggressive and unbridled, but parents should not panic and follow the lead of the little dictator

Correct response: what is it?

What should be the reaction to hysterical attacks of a two-year-old? The basis is often a whim, expressed in the words “I won’t”, “give”, “I don’t want”, etc. If you fail to prevent a hysterical attack, put aside thoughts about calming your child. Also, you should not reason with him or scold him, this will only further inflame his impulse. Don't leave your child alone. It is important to keep him in sight, so the baby will not be scared, but will remain confident.

Once you give in to the baby, you risk having this happen again. Do not contribute to the consolidation of this skill, do not follow the lead. Once he feels that the child is achieving his goal with his behavior, he will resort to this method again and again.

A one-time weakness in an adult can turn into a long-term problem. It’s also not worth beating or punishing a child; physical pressure will not bring results, but will only worsen the child’s behavior. Completely ignoring children's hysterics really helps. Seeing that his efforts are in vain and if they do not bring the desired result, the child will refuse this method of influence.

You can gently and calmly reassure him by telling the baby how much you love him, while hugging him tightly and holding him in your arms. Try to be more dear and gentle, even if he gets very angry, screams or knocks his head. Do not forcefully restrain a toddler who is escaping from your embrace. In a situation where the baby is hysterical because he does not want to stay with someone (with his grandmother, with his teacher), then you should leave the room as quickly as possible, leaving him with an adult. Delaying the moment of separation will only prolong the process of child hysteria.

Tantrums in public places

It is very difficult for parents to control the process of hysterical demands in public places. It is much easier and safer for a 2-year-old child to give in in order to stop the noise and establish calm, but this opinion is extremely erroneous. The sidelong glances of others should not worry you at this moment; the most important thing is the same reaction to similar actions.

Having given in once and quelled the scandal, you provoke a second repetition of the situation. The baby asks for a toy in the store - be firm in your refusal. Do not react to his stomping, indignation and dissatisfaction of any kind. Seeing the confident and unshakable behavior of the parents, the child will understand that hysterical fits do not help achieve what they want. Remember that the baby throws hysterical attacks for the purpose of influence, often in public places, counting on the opinion of the public.

The best response is to wait a little. After the attack ends, you should calm the baby down, hug him and gently inquire about the reason for his behavior, and also tell him that talking to him is much more pleasant when he is in a calm state.

Tantrums in a 3 year old child

A 3-year-old child wants to be independent and feel mature and independent. The baby already has his own desires and wants to defend his rights before adults. Children of 3 years old are on the verge of new discoveries and begin to feel like a unique individual; they can behave differently in such a difficult period (we recommend reading:). The main characteristics of this stage are negativism, stubbornness and self-will. Tantrums in a 3-year-old child often discourage parents. Just yesterday their little one did everything with joy and pleasure, but today he does everything in defiance. Mom asks to eat soup, and the baby throws the spoon, or dad calls to him, and the child persistently ignores these requests. It seems that the main words of a three-year-old become “I don’t want”, “I won’t”.

We go out to fight hysterics

How to deal with children's tantrums? When weaning your child from this harmful activity, it is important not to concentrate your attention on his bad actions. Give up the desire to break his character, this will not lead to anything good. Of course, allowing a child to do whatever he wants is also unacceptable. How then to deal with this disaster? The child must understand that hysteria does not help achieve any results. Wise grandmothers and mothers know that the best way in such cases is to switch children's attention to something else, to distract it. Choose interesting alternatives: watch your favorite cartoon or study or play together. This method will not work if the baby is already at the height of hysteria. Then the best thing is to wait it out.

When showing tantrums at home, clearly formulate your idea that any conversations with him will only be after he calms down. At this moment, do not pay any more attention to him and do household chores. Parents should set an example of how to control their emotions and remain calm. When the baby calms down, talk to him and tell him how much you love him and that his whims will not help achieve anything.

When whims happen in a crowded place, try to take or take the child to a place where there will be fewer spectators. Regular tantrums in your baby require a more attentive attitude to the words you say to the child. Avoid situations where the answer to your question may be negative. You shouldn’t say categorically: “Get dressed quickly, it’s time to go outside!” Create the illusion of choice: “Will you wear a red sweater or a blue sweater?” or “Where would you like to go, to the park or playground?”

Approaching the age of 4 years, the child will change - children's tantrums will subside and pass as suddenly as they appeared. The baby is reaching the age when he already has the ability to talk about his desires, emotions and feelings.

Sometimes a regular cartoon helps distract a child and redirect his attention.

Tantrums in a 4 year old child

Often we, adults, ourselves provoke the appearance of whims and hysterics in children. Permissiveness, lack of boundaries and concepts of “no” and “no” do a disservice to the child. The baby falls into the trap of parental carelessness. So, 4-year-old children perfectly feel the slack and if the mother says “no”, then the grandmother can allow it. It is important for parents and all raising adults to agree and discuss what is permitted and prohibited, as well as inform the child. After this, you should strictly adhere to the established rules. All adults must be united in their methods of education and not violate the prohibitions of others.

Komarovsky claims that frequent children's whims and hysterics may indicate the presence of diseases of the nervous system. You should contact a neurologist or psychologist for help if:

• there is an increased occurrence of hysterical situations, as well as their aggressiveness;
• there is a disturbance or interruption of breathing during attacks, the child loses consciousness;
• tantrums continue after 5-6 years of age;
• the baby hits or scratches himself or others;
• hysterics appear at night in combination with nightmares, fears and frequent mood swings;
• After an attack, the child experiences vomiting, shortness of breath, lethargy and fatigue.

When doctors determine the absence of any diseases, the cause should be sought in family relationships. The baby's immediate environment can also have a great influence on the occurrence of hysterical attacks.

Prevention

How to deal with children's tantrums? It is important for parents to catch the moment close to an attack. Perhaps the baby purses his lips, sniffles or sobs slightly. Having noticed such characteristic signs, try to switch the baby to something interesting.

Distract your child's attention by showing the view from the window or changing the room with an interesting toy. This technique is relevant at the very beginning of a child’s hysteria. If the attack is actively developing, this method will not produce results. To prevent hysterical conditions, Dr. Komarovsky gives the following advice:

• Compliance with rest and daily routine.
• Avoid overwork.
• Respect the child’s right to personal time and allow him to play for his own pleasure.
• Put your child's feelings into words. For example, say: “You’re upset that they took your toy” or “You’re angry because mom didn’t give you candy.” This way you will teach your child to talk about his feelings and give them verbal form. Gradually he will learn to control them. Once you have set boundaries, make it clear that their violation will not be tolerated. For example, a baby screams in public transport, you explain: “I understand that you are angry with me, but screaming on the bus is unacceptable.”
• Do not help your child do things that he can do on his own (take off his pants or go down the stairs).
• Let your child choose, for example, what jacket to wear when going outside, or what playground to go for a walk.
• Assuming there is no choice, express it like this: “Let's go to the clinic.”
• When your baby starts crying, distract him by asking him to find an object or show him where something is.