Based on the books by Tracy Hogg “The Baby Whisperer”, “The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems”, Elisabeth Panthley “No Cry Sleep Solutions”
PARENTING - Mode
Children are not born with a routine, but this does not mean that it is not needed. Absolutely everyone agrees that children feel better in an understandable and predictable environment. The word regime is a hackneyed word in our country because it was not a regime, but a schedule. A reasonable routine is flexible, changes with the child, and involves REPEATABILITY and PREDICTABILITY, rather than being tied to a clock. This regime consists of alternating periods of SLEEP (S) and WAKING TIME (WW) (during which feeding, playing, changing a diaper, bathing, lullabies, falling asleep, etc. occur). Hereinafter, the period of wakefulness includes the time from the moment the child opened his eyes until the moment he actually fell asleep.
Thus, the Routine consists of repeatable and predictable cycles, each consisting of Wake Time (including feeding) and Sleep Time. The length of these cycles will vary depending on age, and will be, for example, 2.5 hours in a newborn, 3 hours in a 3 month old, 4 hours in a 4 month old and so on until the 6th month, when the child usually switches to 2 naps during the day and is introduced lure. These cycles naturally regulate the frequency of feedings, that is, it increases from 2.5. hours for a one-month-old baby (feed on demand for the first month), up to 4 hours for a 4-month-old baby, which corresponds to the natural intervals of most children. However, this is not a strict requirement, and if it suits your child to eat several times during the WB, that’s great. The main thing is that he stores enough nutrients to sleep through the next nap, and this is somewhat more difficult to do with frequent small feedings.
Most children's internal clocks require an early bedtime, as most children wake up between 6 and 8 am. Accordingly, in order to get the norm of night sleep (11-12 hours), the child must go to bed at 7-8 o’clock in the evening. Many parents choose to go to bed later so they can connect with the parent who is working late. This is understandable, but it does not help the child. I believe that the child's needs are more important, and therefore you can find an opportunity to communicate in the morning.
Also, many are under the misconception that the later they put their child to bed, the longer they will sleep. While there are exceptions, most often the exact opposite happens, leaving children and parents sleep-deprived and exhausted.
Below is an approximate regime for a child of different ages (the relationship with the clock is formal)
6 weeks
Rise: 7:00
Feeding say 7:15
Sleep 1:7:45 – 9:15
Feeding 9:30
Sleep 2: 10:00 – 12:00
Feeding 12:00
Sleep 3: 12:50 – 14:20
Feeding 14:30
Sleep 4: 15:00 – 17:00
Feeding 17:00
Nap 5 (short): 17:45 – 18:15
Bathing
Feeding 18:40
Falls asleep at night 19:15
Sleepy feeding 22:30 (this feeding can be done to a quietly sleeping baby, trying not to wake him up - it will last up to 6 months, and can help to reset earlier morning feedings, which are more difficult for parents)
Wakes up for feedings 2-3 times
3 months
Get up 7:00
Feeding 7:15
Sleep 1: 8:30 – 10:00
Feeding 10:15
Sleep 2: 11:30 – 12:30
Feeding 13:00
Sleep 3: 14:00 – 16:00
Feeding 16:00
Nap 4 (short) 17:30 – 18:10
Bathing
Feeding 18:50
Falling asleep at night – 19:30
Sleepy feeding 22:30
Wakes up to feed 1-2 times
4 months
Get up 7:00
Feeding 7:15
Sleep 1: 9:00 – 11:00
Feeding 11:15
Sleep 2: 13:00 – 15:00
Feeding 15:15
Nap 3 short: 17:00 – 17:40
Feeding 17:40
Bathing
Feeding 18:50
Falling asleep at night – 19:15
Sleepy feeding 22:00
(baby may already refuse feedings, but can keep one around 4 am)
6.5 months
Get up 7:00
Feeding 7:15
Breakfast complementary foods
Sleep 1: 9:45 – 11:45
Feeding 11:45
Lunch complementary foods
Sleep 2: 14:30 – 16:30
Feeding 16:30
Dinner complementary foods
Bathing
Feeding 18:30
Falls asleep at night 19:00
You can reset sleep feeding
Can sleep through the night, or keep 1 feeding around 4am
9 months
Get up 7:00
Breakfast and feeding at discretion
Sleep 1 10:30 – 12:30
Lunch and feeding at discretion
Sleep 2 short 16:00 – 16:40
Dinner and optional feedings
Bathing
Feeding 18:30
Falling asleep at night 19:00
Can sleep through the night or keep 1 feeding around 4am
- out of habit.
1 year
Get up 7:00
Breakfast
Dinner
(feeding at discretion)
Sleep 12:00 – 14:30
Afternoon snack
Dinner
Bathing
Falls asleep at night 19:00
Doesn't wake up to feed
2 years
Get up 7:00
Breakfast
Dinner
Sleep 13:30 – 15:00
Afternoon snack
Dinner
Falls asleep at night 20:00
These examples are given to show the dynamics of dreams and VB; the distribution of feedings is approximate and can be free. For example, I prefer to feed at the beginning of VB in two approaches with an interval of half an hour.
INTRODUCTION OF THE MODE
Start by taking a closer look and getting to know your child. I don’t want to say that you don’t know him, I’m sure you do, I’m talking about his temperament, eating habits, sleeping habits, calming down. Listen and watch it closely for a few days. Really listen as if your life depended on it. You will see some patterns, perhaps a different side of your child. Nothing will work if you don't do this. You must listen to what he says in his infant language, understand his temperament, so that you can then follow the methods that suit him.
Next, you need to introduce a good routine - this is the basis for good sleep and a well-rested, calm child. If you don't have a routine, your child won't know what to expect. The routine and your expectations should match your child's type and needs. The regime I'm talking about can be introduced from birth or much later (the sooner, the easier it is for everyone, naturally). This regimen is flexible for both parent and child. Once there is some consistency in your child’s world and he understands what to expect, you can focus on bedtime techniques and getting rid of night wakings. Success will also depend on the child's age and temperament. You can wean a 3 month old from motion sickness in 3 days, but it is much more difficult to wean a 2 year old from motion sickness.
Set realistic goals. You can't expect a one-month-old baby to sleep 12 hours a night. Perhaps someone will say that this happened to them, but most children at this age will wake up at least 2 times. Don’t expect that you can handle it on your own, especially if the problems have been dragging on for months and years, and there will be a quick fix, get help. And most importantly, don't give up J My eldest slept disgustingly from her first day, but by 6 months she was consistently sleeping her norms and falling asleep on her own. Since that time there have been many teething problems, developmental leaps, fears, etc., but after a week or two everything returned, since the regime is a great thing. The youngest was 3 months old, I was smarter and more experienced. Despite the need for constant rocking during daytime naps and half the night in the first 2 months due to gas, by 3 months we learned to fall asleep on our own during daytime and nighttime naps without a minute of crying and sleep 11.5 hours at night with 1 feeding.
PARENTING - SLEEP - basic data
I think no one will dispute the importance of good sleep for a small child. However, I observe that with all the attention that surrounds, say, feeding (everyone monitors the diet, food purity, weight gain, milk intake and quantity, complementary feeding and its stages, etc.), or physical development (everyone these endless massages to turn over, sit up, crawl, stand up, walk, weekly crises, etc.), then for some reason the attitude towards sleep is completely relaxed, basically “if he wants to sleep, he will fall asleep,” “just a sleepless child,” and so on . Everyone knows how much a child should eat, how much weight gain - how many people know how much a child should sleep, and moreover, are they worried about him getting this amount?
I spent a lot of time studying sleep problems, observing my own and other people's children, reading and collecting experience. Below is a summary of information that may help those who want to tackle children's sleep with the same zeal as nutrition and development.
(data taken from several books, mainly Tracy Hogg “The Baby Whisperer”, “The Baby Whisperer Solves all your problems”, Elisabeth Panthley “No Cry Sleep Solutions”, as well as a huge amount of communication with hundreds of mothers who are active in sleep medicine, and own observations)
Stages of sleep
Sleep is divided into REM sleep (when you dream and the pupils move), and deep sleep, which in turn consists of 4 stages:-
A.Drowsiness
B. Light sleep
C.Going into deep sleep
D.Deep sleep
and then
REM sleep
slow sleep
When a child falls asleep, they enter the first stage - drowsiness. You can see how their pupils move slowly under their eyelids, they do not focus on their surroundings, they close their eyes. At the moment of transition to light sleep, you may notice the so-called “waking up reflex” (startle reflex), they shudder, throw their arms and legs, twitch, and this can wake them up again (that’s why swaddling helps so much). Once they have transitioned into light sleep, they can still wake up easily and may flinch as they enter the next stage - this is extremely common. It is difficult to wake a baby in deep sleep, they can be raised without waking them, their heart rate is slow and their breathing is even.
During deep sleep, recovery occurs, at this time the immune system is charged (which is why lack of normal long daytime sleep is extremely harmful to health), the body heals, recovers and grows.
REM sleep
During REM sleep, children are active and consume more energy. Although they are relaxed at this stage, their eyes, arms, legs, and pupils may move slightly under their eyelids. Babies may have irregular heartbeats and breathing, but this is normal. During this dream, what is learned is assimilated. A full-term newborn spends more than 50% of his time in REM sleep, and premature infants spend up to 80%; this time gradually decreases and reaches 20% in adulthood. Most wakings in children occur during REM sleep, which explains why children wake up more often than adults and why premature babies wake up more often than full-term babies.
Sleep cycle length
In young children, the average sleep cycle is 45 minutes; after 2 years, it averages 90 minutes.
Sleep development
Sleep develops while the baby is in the mother's womb. At 6-7 months, children are already sleeping in rapid sleep. NREM sleep is not sufficiently developed in a newborn and develops between 1 and 3 months. Newborn babies sleep only in REM sleep.
Day and night sleep
Children are born without a sleep routine and do not distinguish between day and night. They need physical maturity and a parent's help in establishing a routine that will allow them to sleep at night and stay awake during the day - for this it is very important to help the child develop a reasonable routine.
Night and daytime sleep differ in type.
Night sleep
During the first few hours of sleep at night, children sleep deeply, then, as the night progresses, they transition between REM and NREM sleep, with partial awakenings during REM sleep. Therefore, if they are not taught to fall asleep on their own, they will wake up frequently during the night. By dawn, partial awakenings become more frequent. The last part of the night's sleep ends with an hour of deep sleep in the morning. If a baby wakes up before entering this deep sleep, because they have already slept through the night and have had enough sleep to fall back to sleep easily, they cannot enter this stage, and this is very important.
When we fall asleep, our body temperature drops, and so does our cortisol level. In the morning, cortisol levels rise and we wake up. If cortisol levels are high, we cannot sleep.
Daytime nap
Daytime naps can vary in length, and consist of cycles of 45 minutes, each consisting of NREM sleep and REM sleep. After completing a 45-minute cycle, the child can enter the next one, which is different from nighttime sleep.
Wakefulness
Wake time is all the time when the child is not sleeping. It includes feeding, diaper changing, games, bedtime ritual, and falling asleep.
If your waking time is 1.5 hours, then remember how long the bedtime ritual takes and how long your child falls asleep. As a result, you may find that you need to start going to bed an hour after waking up, and lie in bed after 1 hour 15 minutes. Excited and Sensitive children sometimes require a reduction in the ritual, so the time should be calculated differently accordingly.
You should always look for signs of tiredness in your baby to help you decide when to go to bed, but it's best to have a general idea of approximate wake time. Sometimes the first yawn in very young children is already too late. Sometimes after 6 months, children stop showing obvious signs of fatigue, or the usual signs no longer always indicate fatigue. Time is given not so that you don’t give a damn about the child and look at the clock, but to help you catch the child’s signs in time.
Wake Time
Newborn 50-60 minutes
1 month 1 hour – 1 hour 15 min
2 months 1 hour 15 - 20 min
3 months 1 hour -20 - 35 mins
4 months 1 hour 45 - 2 hours
5 months 2 hours – 2 hours 15 minutes
End of 5 – beginning of the sixth month 2h 15m -2h 30m
6.5 - 7 months 2 h 45 m - 3 hours. Some can do more.
8 - 10 months 3 - 4 hours. Some can do more.
11 - 12 months 3h 30m – 4h 30m. Some more if they switched to 1 daytime nap
The standards given below are averages; some need more, some need less. A child cannot be adjusted to a clock; sleep is also affected by the child’s temperament, his developmental phase, teething, and so on. The most important thing is to watch for the first signs of fatigue: .
Age and development Amount of sleep per day Typical day
Newborn 16-20 hours Daytime naps 1-2 hours, every hour,
They do not control anything for 5-6 hours at night
except for the eyes
1-3 months 15-18 hours 4 naps of 40 m - 1.5 hours;
Notice their surroundings 8-10 hours at night
can move their head
at 3 months – a little
hands
3-4 months 3 sleeps of 1.5 - 2 hours
Gain mobility 10-12 hours at night
5-6 months 2 sleeps of 1.5 - 3 hours
10-12 hours at night
6-8 months 2 naps of 1-2 hours
More mobility 10-12 hours at night
learn to sit and crawl
9-12 months 2 sleeps of 1 – 1.5 hours;
Learns to get up and walk 11-12 hours at night
The transition to 1 nap usually occurs between 1 and 1.5 years of age.
1 – 1.5 years 1 nap – 2 hours
Learns to walk 11-12 hours at night
1.5 – 2 years 1 nap - 1.5 hours
11-12 hours at night
2-3 years 1 nap – 1-1.5 hours
10-11 hours at night
PARENTING - SLEEP - Main problems and how to help
While it is still possible to force someone to eat (although it is not necessary), it is impossible to force them to sleep. The enormous changes that a child experiences during the first 2 years of life involuntarily constantly disturb his sleep, and pose an eternal task for us, parents, to help them cope.
Listed below are the most common sleep disorders, their causes, and solutions.
DAY DREAMS ARE TOO SHORT
Short naps are the real bane of a good routine! A 30-minute nap usually means that the child OVERWALKED during the previous waking time. A 45-minute nap can mean either OVERWALKING (then the child will most likely wake up crying) or UNDERWALKING. Therefore, it is important to know how long your child was awake. If he walked for an hour and slept for 45 minutes, it might be worth lengthening the time he was awake; if he walked for 2 hours and slept for 30 minutes, it might be worth shortening it.
Whatever the reason for a short nap, the child will not be rested, and therefore the next nap will not be able to maintain a normal interval for his age. Therefore, for the next cycle (and possibly for the whole day), the WB needs to be reduced.
Therefore, if a child has had a short nap and you cannot put him to sleep further (the time spent trying to put him to sleep counts towards the WB of the next cycle), it is worth offering them a short, quiet wakefulness not in the bed (but possibly in the bedroom), and putting him there after a while. It's time for one more nap. Your feeding schedule may shift, but with short naps it is more important to let them get enough sleep (and not let them get HYPER-FATIGUE).
So although you plan the day in cycles taking into account the usual WB, in fact the WB and the whole day depend on the first daytime sleep. If the first nap is long enough (more than an hour), repeat the same WB during subsequent cycles throughout the day. If the first nap is short (less than 45 minutes), reduce the nap in subsequent cycles by at least 30 minutes. .
The first 20 minutes of sleep are light sleep, the second 20 are deep sleep, between them there is a partial awakening during the transition in sleep phases. If the child has not yet learned to go through this transition on his own, or if he is hypertired, he may wake up after 20 minutes.
At first, it is better to help the child go through this phase (often the child “jumps up” during the transition)
There are several ways to deal with this:
The most important - good swaddling. This allows you to keep the limbs from throwing up, and the arms and legs do not wake up or frighten the child.
After your baby has fallen asleep, you sit next to him and help him make this transition by keeping your hands firmly but gently on his stomach (back) after he falls asleep and after 20 minutes you will feel the jump. The pressure from the swaddling may be enough, it may be worth hissing a little shush to get him to sleep. If you do this for a few days (don't worry if it doesn't work right away, the key is persistence), he will learn to switch between cycles on his own and you won't have to do it anymore.
For some children, biorhythms do not allow long naps during the day. Most babies have long naps between 1 and 2 months of age, then go through the nap stage (45 minutes) from 2 to 6 months, and then learn to take long naps again. You can understand what your child’s biorhythms are and whether his daytime naps are sufficient by asking yourself the following questions:
- has he ever slept for more than 45 minutes?
- Does he wake up from sleep crying?
- Is he capricious during the day, does he look tired?
- Does he sleep well at night?
If the answers are no, no, no, yes - then your child is most likely a “little sleeper.”
CHILD GETS UP TOO EARLY
Early awakenings (getting up at 4, 5, 6 am) are one of the most common problems, and one of the most difficult. However, this doesn't mean you shouldn't try. Children wake up for a variety of reasons, and some of them are completely solvable.
Getting up early is a subjective thing, and it depends on what parents consider early. A baby's normal sleep cycle is 7:30 pm - 7:30 am, but many babies are unable to sleep 11-12 hours until they are 6 months old.
Causes of Early Waking Ups and Ways to Help
1. Hunger
The baby may wake up hungry because he is too young to eat enough to last for long periods of time.
In principle, by 3 months, most children are able to sleep 6 hours straight.
How to help: feed.
2. Habitual hunger
Children can learn to feel hungry. If you feed them at the same time all the time, they will get used to it and begin to wake up to feeding, even if they are not actually hungry.
How to help:
- gradually delay the time of morning feeding.
- gradually reducing the feeding time, then switch to simply laying her down, replacing her with a pacifier.
- replace feedings with water in older children.
3. External stimuli
Babies can wake up early due to light, noise, heat or cold (if dilated), a wet diaper, and so on.
Around 5 a.m., cortisol levels in the blood rise and the motivation to continue sleeping decreases. If the external stimulus is sufficiently constant, they begin to expect it and wake up out of habit.
How can I help you:
- blackout blinds, cover the window with foil (although the foil will make noise if the window is open)
- sleeping bags or blanket protectors
- the other is a double diaper
- toys to keep the child occupied
- bottled water (for older children)
- training to the alarm clock
4. Forced dependencies
Early rises can be the result of forced dependence instilled by parents. If a child wakes up for some reason, and without understanding it, you feed him, rock him or take him to sleep quite regularly, he will develop the habit of waking up at this time and will need the same thing in order to fall asleep again.
How can I help you:
- If you feed in the morning, gradually delay feeding
- If you do, look for another way to help them fall asleep.
- If you bring them to your bed, start accustoming them to staying in their bed.
5. Low need for sleep
Every child is different and some need less sleep. Monitor your child's behavior and you can tell whether he is getting enough sleep during the hours he sleeps or whether he is in a cycle of hyperfatigue and overstimulation. If they really need less sleep, then you can go to bed a little later.
6. High expectations
If you expect too much sleep from your baby, he may start waking up early, simply because he has already had a good night's sleep.
How to help: Try cutting back on naps and/or moving your bedtime later at night.
7. Hyperfatigue
Often getting up early is caused by hyperfatigue, staying awake for too long, or chronic lack of sleep. If the WB before bedtime is too long, the child becomes nervous, irritable, and overly active. He finds it difficult to relax and may resist being put to bed. Hyperfatigue increases the number of times you wake up at night.
How can I help you:
Reduce your VB, watch closely for signs of fatigue, and act immediately if you see them. Make sure your nap schedule is age-appropriate.
8. First nap too early
Children wake up early if their first nap is too early. This leads to the final part of night sleep being separated and moving into daytime sleep.
How to Help: Gradually and slowly move your naps a little later over the course of a few days.
9. Lark
The usual sleep phase is from 19.30 - 7.30. If a child is a morning person, he will be very irritable in the afternoon and early evening, and will wake up early and want to go to bed early, often in the early evening. A lark can be created by allowing the child to go to bed early (before 6 pm) regularly at night. The trend is more often observed in infants, and less often in children older than one year, many outgrow it over time.
How to help: Sometimes this can be changed, but it will take a few weeks. First you need to build a routine that starts at their early hour (say at 6 am), and then evenly shift the entire routine 15 minutes a day. The whole routine should shift - both daytime naps and feedings. Sometimes it is not possible to change a lark, but most children outgrow it. If you have tried everything with patience and persistence, just accept that this is how the baby sleeps for now and he needs to go to bed early and so do you.
10. Stages of development I
Children wake up early when they experience new stages of physical or psychological development, sometimes to practice new skills.
How can I help you:
If the child wakes up in a good mood, then sometimes it is worth leaving him and he may fall asleep again. If this does not work, use one of the styling methods.
CHILD WAKES UP AT NIGHT
A child can wake up at night for a variety of reasons, and the method of correction will depend on how accurately we can determine the reason why night sleep is disturbed:
1. Forced dependencies
Everything that parents use to make a child fall asleep that creates dependence - breast, pacifier, rocking, falling asleep in their arms, in a stroller, in a car seat - can turn into forced dependence when the child cannot sleep without external help. If any of these are used occasionally, it is usually not a problem. Also, if the baby falls asleep with the pacifier, then spits it out before going to sleep, and the parents do not rush to give it back, this will not be a problem.
In other cases, sooner or later this will lead to serious sleep disturbances (especially if the parents are unable to maintain dependence on all dreams).
How can I help you:
Wean off addiction.
2. Hyperfatigue before bedtime
Usually it manifests itself in the form of night awakenings in the first half of the night (1-2 hours after falling asleep), and is associated with a lack of daytime sleep, and too long WB in the evening.
How can I help you:
Work on your routine, lengthen daytime naps, reduce naps before bed
3. Incorrect feeding regimen
Feedings are too infrequent (less than once every 3 hours) for children under 4 months, and too frequent (more than every 3 hours) for children over 4 months. Too frequent feedings lead to the fact that the child’s instinct to stock up on food stops working, and he stops doing this before bedtime too, and begins to eat little by little and often. Also, after 4 months, children are often distracted and may eat little by little. Introducing complementary foods before the child is ready for them. There is a myth that after the introduction of complementary foods, children begin to sleep better, they often begin to wake up even more often, their tummy may hurt, they consume less liquid milk, and they may wake up from thirst.
How to help:
Feed in a dark, quiet room so that the baby is not distracted
Adjust feeding schedule to age appropriate
4. Fear of separation from mother (after 7 months)
The baby wakes up and needs to make sure he hasn't been abandoned and mommy will come back
How to help:
DO NOT IGNORE your child, spend as much time as possible with him, respond to his needs and requests quickly and caringly. Children are not manipulative, this is a real stage of development, and ignoring the need can lead to even more sleep problems.
5. Inconsistency in styling.
An inconsistent attitude towards bedtime (either sitting with the child or leaving him to cry), the lack of a ritual confuses the child, and he does not know how to behave and what to expect, and becomes even more nervous.
How to help:
Introduce regular bedtime rituals and stick to them.
If you make changes, make sure those changes apply 100% of the time.
6. Respond to every squeak
Often, a child can talk, coo, squeal, sigh, and whimper softly in his crib - this is often how the child calms himself down and helps him fall asleep. There is also crying “mantra”, it is quiet, mournful, subsiding at the end of each session - the child does not start yelling, does not call, does not express indignation. Many children soothe themselves with such crying; after 6 months, it can transform into a mournful “mooing” under their breath, and persist until adulthood as a way to calm down. Reacting too quickly, approaching the child, or interfering prevents the child from calming down on his own and only disrupts the process of falling asleep.
How to help:
Learn to differentiate between your baby's different cries so you know when you will respond. When in doubt, consider counting to 20-50-100 before reacting so you don't jump too early. ALWAYS approach loud, real crying.
7. Acute lack of sleep for several days, weeks, months.
Because sleep loss is cumulative, one day of insufficient sleep may not directly affect the next night, or the next few nights. If a child does not get enough sleep for several days in a row, then sooner or later it will hit him. This is most often seen in babies who sleep less than 7 hours a night at 3 months, less than 10 at 4 months, and less than 11 at 6 months, while not getting enough daytime sleep. Since lack of daytime sleep has a negative impact on nighttime sleep and vice versa, a vicious circle results. Night awakenings are very common in children over 4 months of age if they go to bed after 8:30 pm, because they often wake up at 6-7 am anyway, that is, they do not get enough sleep at night. Some people start waking up earlier and earlier. And although not all children go to bed early, most do, and most benefit from it.
How to help: Put your child to bed early several nights in a row. This will allow him to sleep off. This may not immediately stop waking up at night, but it should help gradually. For example, if your child wakes up at 7 a.m., try putting him to bed at 6 or 6:30 p.m. a few nights in a row and see what changes. It may take some effort to style early, so do it gradually, say for half an hour each night. After 3 months, the recommended bedtime is between 6 and 8 pm.
Only you and your baby know how much sleep they need. Some need more, some need less. But if you're worried about waking up at night and your baby is sleeping less than the recommended amount at night, try increasing the amount of sleep at night and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised by the results.
Mode 2 - Mode Meetings
If suddenly, instead of an understandable regime, a nightmare begins, we ask ourselves the answer “why”. Below are the main stages and problems that may interfere with sleep and routine.
Most often, the reason for a sharp breakdown in the regime is the stages of development. Sometimes the cause and consequences are clear, sometimes not. Below are the main stages and their impact on the regime, but of course this is not all. If suddenly the regime has completely disappeared, ask the question: “has the child learned something new?”
When it comes to developmental stages, it is important to remember that children learn by following their instincts and needs, not our teaching. So when they learn, it's wonderful, but they will continue to learn until they master a new skill, even at the most inconvenient times for us.
They also often learn to do something, but cannot do the opposite. They roll over onto their stomachs before they learn to roll over onto their backs, learning to stand up but not sit down. Which makes sense, because they had no need to sit down until they learned to stand up. Therefore, there will always be a difficult time between mastering these two skills.
The most important advice is to stick to the routine as much as possible, minimize the number of dependencies, and if you introduce any, realize that you will have to get rid of them later.
Flipping
Rolling over onto your stomach (and not being able to return) can disrupt nighttime sleep, and the ability to fall asleep.
How to help:
Swaddling – if you swaddle, leave your arms out so your baby learns to roll over
- Practice the rollover during the day so he learns faster
Everyone moves at night, so this is just the first step. The problems will end when the child learns to roll over.
The ability to sit up on your own can cause disturbances in nighttime sleep and difficulty falling asleep. Your usual methods of putting him down (stroking, hissing) may become impossible.
How to help:
Practice lying down from a sitting position throughout the day. If you want to put your baby down, sit him down first and then turn him into a lying position so that he understands how to do it.
- When you calm a child, you need to first help him lie down, and perhaps even hold him in a lying position, keeping your hand on his hip.
Hands and knees/Crawling
The advice is the same as with sitting - try to help them lie down without falling on their face.
When you calm down, you may have to hold them a little.
Getting up
The advice is the same, only when you lay it down it will be harder on your back.
It is very important that the child learns to sit down from a standing position. Take every opportunity during the day to show them how to sit down. If they are standing holding the bars of the crib, slide their hands down the bars, the butt will follow
Fear of Separation from Mom
The first period begins around 7-9 months, the second around 1 year, when children realize that this mother, who feeds and loves, is a separate person who can leave, and he stops seeing her - fear appears. The child begins to cry if the mother leaves the room, gets up, or refuses to lie down. He wakes up at night and cries, and cannot calm down without his mother.
How to help:
During the day, be with the child as much as possible, but also teach him that if mom disappears, she will return (hide and seek, talk to him when leaving the room, and so on). If a child cries, do not rush and grab him in your arms (because this is how you communicate that it was really scary), but sit down at his level, hug, calm him down, and switch to another toy.
When putting him to bed, use the “hug-and-put” method, each time gently saying “everything is fine, we’re just going to bed,” as long as necessary until he falls asleep. After a few nights, having put it to bed, you can leave the room, and at the first cry or get up, enter (or rather run in J) and lay it down again. You need to build trust that if you go out, you will return at the first call, as if to prove this to the child.
Gradually, he will be convinced that you are not going anywhere, and he will “release” you from being a hostage, and will begin to fall asleep himself. With some children, going out really turns them on, and then they can’t calm down, then it’s better to just sit next to them until they fall asleep (and put them to bed as many times as necessary), and then stand, then stand at the door, then behind the door, and so on. gradually.
Night terrors and terrible dreams
If your child wakes up screaming in the middle of the night, first rule out other possible causes (hyperfatigue, illness, teeth, overstimulation before bed).
Scary dreams
Scary dreams mostly occur during REM sleep, in the second half of the night. This is an experience in which the child's body is at rest, but the mind is not. The child wakes up crying or screaming, and when you approach him, he will be awake. Sometimes it is difficult to calm them down, especially to convince them that there is nothing to be afraid of. The best way is to hug, reassure, if they want to tell, it’s good, if not, don’t force it.
Don't ridicule or dismiss their fears; for a young child they are very real. Hug more, if they are afraid of the dark - turn on the night light, tell them that you are nearby, if anything comes up.
If your child constantly wakes up from bad dreams, then it makes sense to look at what causes them. Maybe it's something you saw on TV or read. Children under 3 years old cannot distinguish between reality and fantasy.
Nightmares
They are also called “wake up by mistake” and can begin as early as 10 months. This is an experience in which the child's mind is at rest but the body is not. Essentially, they are “stuck” between stages of sleep. Instead of transitioning from deep sleep to REM sleep, they hover between stages.
Nightmares occur in the first half of the night, usually within 1-4 hours after falling asleep. They usually last about 10 minutes (but can be as long as 20 minutes).
When a child has a nightmare, you will hear a high-pitched scream. If you enter the room, the child will not notice you. His eyes will be open, his body will usually be tense (they may thrash around in bed), he may be covered in cold sweat, and his face will be on fire.
Although they appear to be awake, most experts agree that the baby is essentially asleep and should not be awakened. Usually, trying to wake him up only prolongs the nightmare. Usually it is advised to sit nearby, soothe with your voice, and make sure that the child does not hit himself while throwing around in bed. Some people may find it soothing with a little patting or stroking, but the easiest thing to do is wait it out.
Nightmares scare the parent more than the child. The child will not remember in the morning, and it is better not to remind him.
Teething
Teeth can begin to suffer from 3 months. In young children, daytime and nighttime sleep may be disrupted. Medicines and homeopathy usually help. The most insidious is the eruption of the posterior chewing teeth (molars) during the period of 13-15 months. Usually during the day you will not be able to determine that the child is suffering from teething pain, the gums are not swollen, and saliva is not flowing. However, getting to bed during the day and night can take hours, the child starts getting up at 4-5 in the morning and crying for hours, and “nothing calms him down.” The process usually lasts 1.5 - 2 months, and does not show itself otherwise. Therefore, at this time, it is easy to slip into the formation of addictions - again start feeding at night, taking you to your bed, pumping for hours, and so on. Therefore, you need to know about this period and help with medications as much as possible so that the child suffers less.
Whether it's a cold, acute respiratory viral infection or an intestinal infection, discomfort can interfere with normal deep sleep. Do not engage in routine changes or sleep training during illness, and wait at least 2 weeks after illness. This does not mean that the only remedy available for illness is rocking and feeding. In addition to medications, there are other ways to relieve discomfort - elevate the mattress, install a humidifier, change your diet, remove noisy activities from your schedule. Sometimes it is difficult to return to normal sleep after an illness, so give it 2 weeks and work gradually.
Resetting day dreams
The transition at 3-4 months from 4 sleeps to 3, at 5-6 months from 3 sleeps to 2, and after 1 year to 1 sleep (although it may start earlier) usually spoils the regime. This can be expressed in early waking up, refusal to go to bed (usually the last one), waking up at night, refusal to go to bed at night. The usual advice is to take it to the next level by extending your waking time in the first half of the day with quiet activities - snacking, quiet games (to avoid overstimulation).
The transition from 2 to 1 naps is the most difficult. If you switched and the daytime nap did not turn out to be long, go to bed early at night. If your child wakes up early, you can give him a short morning nap (no more than 30 minutes) to tide him over until midday.
Everything written assumes that the child knows how to sleep independently and sleeps regularly and well.
Sleep and mode - Part 5 - Methods of helping and adjusting sleep
How to help your child fall asleep and not wake up?
There is one point about which I have a very deep conviction - the unacceptability of the “yell out” or “controlled crying” methods. There are other methods and tools for teaching a baby to sleep, without undermining the built trust between mother and baby. The baby cannot understand why his mother does not come to his cry.
Laying methods:
Patting - hissing; can be used to help children transition through sleep cycles until they can do it themselves. If your baby sleeps on his stomach or side, gently pat him with your palm on his back (and if he sleeps on his back, on his shoulder), in rhythm with his heart. At the same time, lean towards your ear and make a fairly noisy shhhhhhhhh.
This reminds the child of what he felt in his mother’s belly - the echo of the heart and a steady noise.
An alternative could be White noise- the sound of a hairdryer, a vacuum cleaner, recording the sounds of nature, I personally played the radio between stations very loudly, and the child (given the darkness, swaddling, pacifier and mode) almost immediately began to close his eyes and fall asleep. White noise also cuts out sounds that may wake you up.
Darkness: In the dark, a person releases hormones that promote drowsiness. Curtain the windows tightly; if your child has trouble falling asleep, buy impenetrable blinds or cover them with foil. My daughter has an Excitable temperament and only slept in pitch darkness. The impenetrable curtain that we carried with us everywhere became a salvation.
Pelenani e: There are many opinions now, but most children sleep better swaddled. When the baby reaches 3-4 months, you can swaddle with one arm facing out so that he can find a finger to soothe himself. There are different swaddling techniques, miracle blanket, woombie, Australian swaddling with handles up. Many children at first wiggle out of their diapers, but after wriggling for a couple of minutes they fall asleep. This is not resistance to swaddling, but a search for the most comfortable position.
Pacifier: The sucking reflex is strong and many babies need to suck to fall asleep. In nature, this role is played by the mother, but not all mothers are ready to sleep with the child all his dreams, and thus a conflict is brewing: either the mother is forced to sacrifice her regime and live the child’s regime until the age of 2, or (which usually happens) sacrifices the child’s dreams, who can't sleep without his mother. In this case, the pacifier is somewhat more humane. A baby will not develop pacifier attachment if:
- parents do not give it as a way to calm down, but only as a way to fall asleep
- when a child, going into deep sleep, spits out the pacifier, the parents do not jump up and insert it again.
Methods that lead to Forced Dependencies (and require adjustment and unlearning)
Rocking in your arms
Sleeping in your arms, on your mother's stomach
Riding and swinging in a stroller, chair, swing
Traveling in a car seat
Falling asleep and sleeping with breast in mouth
If you rock or otherwise put your baby to sleep and then transfer your baby, chances are good that:
- he will wake up, because in your arms he feels weightless, and when you touch the bed he “gains” his weight
- he will be scared when he wakes up and will not be able to continue his sleep (what would you feel if you fell asleep in the bedroom and found yourself on the floor in the toilet when you woke up?
Try to put your baby in bed BEFORE he falls asleep - this will help you wean him off rocking in your arms and get used to falling asleep in a crib.
Methods for correcting sleep disorders
Hug and lay down: This is a labor-intensive method, but it produces results. If a child cries, you go to him, pick him up, hug him, soothe him, and put him back down. And repeat until he falls asleep. This method also helps to learn to sleep independently, but cannot be used on children under 4 months of age, as it only excites them. For children older than 8-9 months, the child no longer needs to be lifted, since they stand up on their own; accordingly, you calm the standing child, and lay him down until he jumps up again, and again calm him down and lay him down. Always try to calm her down in bed first, but if that doesn’t work, pick her up.
Hug-put
Perform the bedtime ritual and step away from the crib. When the child cries, try to calm him down without removing him from the bed; if this does not work, pick him up and calm him down. Lay him down again. Even if he continues to cry, take a step back, be there. Don't leave the room - you're not "teaching a lesson" and leaving him, you're with him next to you helping him fall asleep. Repeat as often as necessary until the child calms down and falls asleep. If the child does not get up, but lies and cries, go up to him, stroke him, say a few kind words and stand next to him again. If the child is standing and not crying, just stand nearby. The method may take up to 50 hugs and tucks at first, but will get better over a few nights.
Do not use with children under 4 months of age.
If the child does not calm down in your arms, and you see that he is only irritated, just sit next to him, lower the side, hug the child in bed, stroke and soothe him until he calms down and falls asleep. For daytime naps, use this method for 40 minutes; if sleep does not work out, pick up the child, walk for 20 minutes, and lie down again.
Wake up for sleep: The method is used to correct disorders associated with sleep cycles (too short daytime sleeps, early rises) Set the alarm an hour before the usual awakening, gently wake the child not completely, but until he is half asleep, so that he falls asleep again. This allows you to change your sleep cycle. The same can be done at 30 minutes to change the cycle to 45 minutes.
Gradual weaning from falling asleep with mom
If your child is used to falling asleep with you, and you want to change this, you can use the gradual weaning method. It will require more effort and time than harsh “controlled crying” methods, but will not harm the child or destroy the trust between you.
Place the mattress next to the child's crib, remove the side of the bed, put your hand on it, let him fall asleep with it, sleep next to him on the mattress. After 3 nights, pet him, then gently take your hand away and just sleep next to him. After 3 nights, move the mattress closer to the door, and so on for as long as necessary, until you can be outside the door and the child will fall asleep on his own. If at any stage the child begins to cry and resist, go back a step and try the same thing the next night.
In the same way you can
Enter-exit
Perform the bedtime ritual and leave the room. When your baby cries, count to 5 or 10 (depending on how many you need to recognize your baby's crying), go in, soothe him, put him down, and go out again, even if he's still crying. Repeat as needed. Don’t lengthen the intervals, come in right away - your goal is not to make him unsure whether you will come. If the child stops crying, do not enter the room. If the child is under 4 months old, or if he is going through a stage of fear of separation from his mother, it is better not to use this method.
How to stop falling asleep while breastfeeding
First, spend more time with your baby, start with afternoon feedings, reduce those that focus on calming down, offering other methods of calming - hugging, playing together, lying on the bed. You must BELIEVE yourself that calm and comfort comes from YOU, and not just from your breast - the child will take over your condition.
Laying down - watch for signs of fatigue.
First 3-4 days
Give him a snack of something he likes
Go to the bedroom and feed for 10 minutes. Buy a timer and set it for 10 minutes, at the end it will say “when the clock rings, we will finish eating milk” - involve him in the process.
When the bell rings, take the baby off your chest and put him in bed, calm him down, say “we’re going to bed, mommy is here.” If he cries, calm him down, take him in your arms, tell him you are here, and put him to bed again. This may take up to 40 minutes or more. When he calms down, continue to stroke his back and stop when he falls asleep. Stay close for another 20 minutes until he falls asleep deeply.
(From experience, the first time a child may not fall asleep in bed at all, but falling asleep in his arms without a breast is already progress. However, 3-4 times the child can let go of the breast and fall asleep at the bell)
For the next 3-4 days, set a timer for 4 minutes, and introduce a fairy tale (a picture book, etc.) into the ritual. Enter the room, pick up a book and start reading while you feed. 5 minutes after the call, take the baby off your chest and continue reading for another 10 minutes, then close the book and put him to bed.
The idea is to replace one habit with another; you cannot take something away without giving something in return.
After 9 days, stop feeding for naps, just read a book. After a few more days, stop feeding at night.
Don't do sleep training or addiction weaning if your child is sick.
Whatever method you choose, it is important to stick with it for at least 2 weeks and be consistent. Do not start the method only to take your baby out of the crib 30 minutes later and start rocking him to sleep again.
Self-sleep technique.
I’ve been wanting to organize it for myself for a long time, just in case, so I got ready. We have been using technology since 2 months. It helped us. Within three days, my daughter began to sleep on her own. Maybe it will help someone, or maybe someone has already tried it, write!
So that's all on this topic.
There are several strategies, and each technique has differences for children of different ages. Each is designed for the child’s developmental level. It doesn’t matter which strategy you choose, since each is aimed at teaching the child to fall asleep on his own.
I will describe the technique that I use now, a little later, to the best of my ability and time, and now I will write a translation of another technique - it is also very effective and used, but the one that we use is softer in my opinion, less traumatic for mom and baby.
Common to all techniques , what I found (so as not to dwell on this every time when describing a new strategy):
Not all children initially master the mechanism of falling asleep “on their own” - they need tits, rocking, stroking, etc. (and with age they get used to relying on, say, rocking, and we contribute to this with the best intentions). With me, Katerina, even if she gets extremely tired, will cry and that’s it, but won’t even think of falling asleep. These techniques are precisely aimed at teaching a child independently, without outside help, in any situation (whether at home in bed, in a cafe, in the park...), at the moment of fatigue, to simply calm down, lie down and fall asleep peacefully;
The regimen after 3 months (due to changes in the food system) should be “sleep-eat-play”, and not “game-eat-sleep”, as it happened before (how you want the baby to pass out on tits - but , it turns out, is no longer the age for this to be beneficial);
While performing the technique, avoid eye contact with the baby and conversations (or remarks addressed to him): ideally, lay the child with his back to you, if he turns around, literally turn his head away (while continuing to pat him, sing a lullaby, etc.); All in all -
For all techniques you will need: hours, a lot of patience, a little firmness and complete confidence that you are doing this for the benefit of your child. Let me explain about hardness: almost certainly, when choosing any technique, the baby will cry a little. This is terrible, I understand, and I have always been (and remain) opposed to empty, helpless, resentful crying. But it is very important that there will not be an abandoned lonely child here; the baby will always feel the presence and support of her mother. You need to strictly adhere to the rules of the strategy (in particular, do not give in to pity, be confident in your actions and remember that in this way you are helping your child a lot) and then it will work very quickly. The calmer and more confident you are in your actions, the easier and faster your work together will go. Specialists of these techniques give the maximum time to develop a calm bedtime - 3 weeks. I noticed a pronounced, clear result already on the second day (TTT). Babies' crying stops very quickly. You need to follow the same technique for daytime sleep, for going to bed at night, and during night awakenings.
-!!!
never start a course if you yourself are under stress (fatigue, a disagreement with your partner...), or if you currently have a very busy schedule, or if your baby is sick, teething, etc. If such a situation arises after the start of introducing the technique (say, teeth are being cut), stop using the technique, return to your usual behavior (rocking in your arms, etc. - what you practiced before). After eliminating the cause of stress (for example, the tooth has completely erupted), wait another 2-3 days and start using the technique from the very beginning.
Before we get into the techniques, here's some information about your baby's sleep cycles, routine, sleep needs (how much sleep is needed) and signs of fatigue.
Sleep cycles. We all have certain sleep cycles; in adults, a full cycle is approximately 90 minutes, and in infants - about 40 (from myself from another source: 0-3 months - 40-45 minutes, 3-6 - up to 60 minutes, over 12 months - about 70-80 minutes) . During each cycle, we go through the phase of rapid, catative, superficial sleep (REM) and the NON-REM phase - deep sleep. Some babies can skip REM and enter deep sleep very quickly, but most take longer, up to 20 minutes. We all wake up during the night after a deep sleep phase and, if there is nothing that disturbs us at this moment (loud sounds, a feeling of being cold and hot, etc.), then we fall asleep again, plunging into the light sleep phase. We don't even remember such awakenings.
Sleep needs. As a child becomes more fearful, his need for sleep decreases, and the period of wakefulness increases.
approximately
6 weeks - wakefulness about 1 hour - subsequent sleep for 2-3 hours
12 weeks and older - 1.5-2 hours awake - 2-2.5 hours sleep
after 20-22 weeks - 2-2.5 hours - 2-2.5 hours of sleep
after 6-8 months - 2.5 hours of wakefulness and sleep 2-3 during the day for 1.5-2 hours.
Older children continue to sleep once a day until they reach 3-4 years of age.
Child mode. The following daily routine is suggested - this is very important:
SLEEP-FEEDING-PLAY.
Adjust your baby's routine so that feedings occur right after bedtime. If a baby eats just before bed, he develops an association between feeding and sleep, and when the baby wakes up during the REM phase (whether it’s day or night), he expects another, albeit short, feeding.
Signs of fatigue.
Children show when they are tired. This could be: rubbing the eyes and nose, decreased activity. decreased concentration and/or coordination during games, characteristic capricious sounds, grimaces, twitching of arms and legs, clenching of fists, yawning - in general, an observant mother probably knows these signs for her child.
Basic preparations before performing any technique:
- be sure that your child is comfortable now - there are no tight clothes, the baby is fed, the room is at the right temperature, the bottom is in a clean diaper (during the technique, the diaper is changed only if the child has pooped - we are not distracted by the wet diaper (this is an important point)) etc.
- going to sleep - day or night - should be preceded by a period of quiet activities (“slowing down” the child). This could be stroking, a calm fairy tale, a light massage, or taking a bath.
- put the baby in bed while she is still awake. Avoid letting your baby fall asleep in your arms (when rocking, for example) or “on your chest” - after being put to bed and waking up in REM sleep, the baby will expect that he is still in your arms and will need your help to get back to sleep. fall asleep.
- if it is easier for your child to fall asleep swaddled (very active hands, for example, or the arm-throwing reflex is too strong) - lightly swaddle him over his clothes. It is best to swaddle the arms with the elbows bent (the hands close to the face) so that the baby can suck her paws if desired.
- if the baby does not like to be swaddled, you can tuck the blanket tightly on all sides.
KARITANE TECHNIQUE FOR CHILDREN AGED 4-7 MONTHS.
5. If the child bursts into tears (during your absence) - let him cry for 1-3 minutes (from yourself: it’s better to time it directly by the clock, as this very calms the nerves, the fact that you are also busy with something, and gives time to say to yourself again that all this is aimed primarily at helping the child).
9. Repeat step 6.
10. Repeat point 7. The time you are absent from the room can gradually increase - 1 minute at a time - depending on the age of the child and how you and your partner feel when the child cries. At this age, it is recommended not to leave the room for more than 5 minutes.
Steps 4-10 can be continued for no longer than 45 minutes. If your child has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, take him for a walk (in a stroller or sling), give him a gentle massage or give him a relaxing bath. These procedures should take no longer than 30 minutes. Then repeat the entire technique from the beginning again. If it is time for your next feeding, feed your baby without repeating steps 1-10; Play calm games with your child for a short time and go over all the techniques from the beginning.
KARITANE TECHNIQUE FOR CHILDREN AGED 6-11 MONTHS.
1. Catch signs of fatigue.
3. Place the baby in bed in her preferred position, and cover her if necessary.
4. Pat briefly (stroking, gently rocking with one hand - choose only one movement) and saying something soothing (a “chhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound, a lullaby...). Leave the room.
5. If the child bursts into tears (during your absence), let him cry for 3 minutes (from yourself: it’s better to time it directly by the clock, as it really calms the nerves, the fact that you are also busy with something, and gives time again say to yourself that all this is aimed primarily at helping the child).
6. Return to the room and repeat the tapping (i.e. the movement you chose), rocking the bed, singing a lullaby for 3 minutes.
7. Leave the room again for 3 minutes. If it seems too long, stay outside the room first for one minute, next time for 2 minutes, next time for 3 minutes.
8. For some children, when they sleep, a quiet monotonous sound in the room helps a lot - this could be a radio playing quietly, lullabies, or any calm and relaxing music.
9. Repeat step 6.
10. Leave the room for 5 minutes. If you think that this is too long for you/your child, start with 1-2 minutes, gradually increasing the time (on the third day of the technique, the time should already reach 5 minutes).
11. Repeat step 6.
12. Leave the room again for 5 minutes (or the same amount of time you left the room for in step 10 if it is less than 5 minutes).
13. Continue repeating steps 6 and 12. Time you spend outside the room helps your baby find self-soothing mechanisms. The length of time you'll be out of the room may be slightly longer depending on how you and your partner handle your baby's crying and how intense the crying is (as there may only be whimpers rather than roars at these stages). At this age, it is not recommended to stay outside the room for longer while performing the techniques. than 7 minutes.
Listen to the nature of your baby's crying and decide according to the situation - how soon to enter the room and repeat step 6. If the baby is crying so much that you cannot calm him down by performing the manipulations of step 6, pick him up and do what you do usually to calm the baby (except for feeding). But! - do not let the child fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the baby’s condition has stabilized, put him back in the crib (I’ll emphasize once again - not sleeping) and repeat the whole procedure again.
The technique can be continued for no longer than 45 minutes. If your child has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, take him for a walk (in a stroller or sling), give him a gentle massage or give him a relaxing bath. These procedures should take no longer than 30 minutes. Then repeat the entire technique from the beginning again. If it is time for your next feeding, feed your baby without repeating steps 1-10; Play calm games with your child for a short time and go over all the techniques from the beginning. If this was a break from night sleep, then the technique can be performed until the child falls asleep (i.e., not just 45 minutes).
KARITANE TECHNIQUE FOR CHILDREN OVER 9 MONTHS .
1. Catch signs of fatigue.
2. Spend 5-10 minutes (depending on the child’s condition) in quiet activities with your child.
3. Place the baby in bed in her preferred position, and cover her if necessary.
4. Leave the room for 3 minutes. If you think that this is too long for you/your child, start with 1-2 minutes, gradually increasing the time (on the third day of the technique, the time should already reach 3 minutes).
5. If the child has not calmed down during this time, go into the room and calm him down without picking him up, patting him (stroking him, gently rocking him with one hand - choose only one movement) and/or saying something soothing (the sound of “shhhhhhhhhhhh ", lullaby...). Try to stay in the room for no longer than 30 seconds. Your goal in these 30 seconds is to calm the child down to a monotonous squeak and relieve strong crying.
6. Leave the room again for 5 minutes.
7. Repeat step 5.
8. Leave the room for 7 minutes.
9. If necessary, continue with steps 5 and 8.
Always remember that the time you spend outside the room allows your baby to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep.
Listen to the nature of your child's crying and decide according to the situation how quickly to move on to the next step, but in any case, do not leave the child alone while performing the technique for more than 7 minutes.
If your child has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, take him out of the crib, calm him down and start playing with him, feed him - i.e. continue with your “normal” life until your next bedtime (this only applies to daytime bedtimes). The next time you lay down, repeat the technique from the first step.
Always remember that by your actions you are helping your child fall asleep on his own.
Riveton technology for babies 6-8 months.
I will start from this age, since it is simpler, less to explain. It is based on periodically, briefly leaving the child alone in the room. We checked what I wrote at the top (Common to all techniques - the baby is full, has played up, the diaper is dry...)
Put the baby in the crib, if necessary, swaddle it
- 2 minutes in the room, stand next to the crib, you can sing a lullaby, rock the bed, do not touch the baby, do not talk (even when comforting), avoid eye contact.
- go out for 2 minutes
- 4 minutes in the room, stand next to the crib, you can sing a lullaby, rock the bed, do not touch the baby, do not talk (even when comforting), avoid eye contact.
- go out for 4 minutes
- 6 minutes in the room, stand next to the crib, you can sing a lullaby, rock the bed, do not touch the baby, do not talk (even when comforting), avoid eye contact.
- leave for 6 minutes
- 8 minutes in the room, stand next to the crib, you can sing a lullaby, rock the bed, do not touch the baby, do not talk (even when comforting), avoid eye contact.
- leave for 8 minutes
- 10 minutes in the room, stand next to the crib, you can sing a lullaby, rock the bed, do not touch the baby, do not talk (even when comforting), avoid eye contact.
- go out for 10 minutes
Here 10 minutes is given as the maximum time.
12:26, February 5, 2011
Can I add it for babies 0-6 months?
Riveton technology for babies 0-6 months.
One of the main differences is that the mother does not leave the room and the mother maintains tactile contact with the baby, and although the baby is not in the mother’s arms, the baby always feels the mother’s presence and support.
1. Catch signs of fatigue.
2. Spend 5-10 minutes (depending on the child’s condition) in quiet activities with your child.
3. Place the baby in bed in her preferred position, and cover her if necessary.
4. Stand next to the crib. When the baby cries, pat (stroke, lightly rock with one hand - choose only one movement) and (optional) say something soothing (the sound of “shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, lullaby...) (patting can be replaced by rocking the crib (namely, replace, or not all together) (in my opinion, tactile contact is better than rocking the crib - firstly, the child feels his mother more clearly; secondly, not everyone’s cribs rock and/or there is a need to put the child not in his own room - say, in hotel).
Here I will go into detail. By crying I mean crying - when it is loud, with tears, etc. (sobs, hysterics, writhing - all this is also included here as different stages of crying). Everything else - whining, whining, whimpering, groaning, howling (... - continue the list yourself) - this is no longer crying; I will continue to call this whining.
So, you need to act like this: the child is crying - pat (stroke, lightly rock with one hand - choose only one movement) and / or say something soothing (the sound of “shhhhh-chhhhhhh”, lullaby...). The crying subsides - the baby whimpers - remove the chssshh sound (if you shushed him), remove the movement of your hand (or hands) (i.e. stop patting him, rocking him...), leave your hand motionless on the child. You wait a few more short seconds and gently remove your hand. Here is a very important point - the hand (hands) must be taken away BEFORE the baby completely calms down, that is, you take the hand away, leaving the child, as it were, alone with you - even when he whines slightly. This is important because in this case the child calms down until the SAM completely calms down (which is what we need). If you skip this moment and remove your hand when the baby has already fallen silent, it turns out that the child has no opportunity to learn to calm down on his own, and - moreover - we simply replace rocking in our arms with this gesture. That is, before my mother always rocked me to sleep, but now my mother will always pat me with her hand and her hand will help me fall asleep when I wake up six times a night.
In other words, the goal of the hands is to calm the baby, and not completely calm the child and not put him to sleep.
There is such a moment that it is most convenient for the mother not to take her hand away from the child until he completely calms down (or even falls asleep), because when taken away, there is a high probability that the fading whimpering (i.e. the child has almost calmed down) will turn into crying again (who wants to). I’m kind, I’ll tell you right away - there is a very high probability that the child will start crying. Most likely, before you reach the stage of a completely calm child, you will go through several such cycles - crying - quieting down - taking your hand away - crying - calming down. So it’s better to tune in to this right away. But I promise you that each time there will be fewer and fewer such cycles (as well as crying in general). After removing your hands, “lay” your hands on the child only if the whimpering actually turns into another cry, and does not just continue at the same level.
Also: there are fidgety, restless children whose own movements do not allow them to fall asleep or calm down. You can “press down” such children with one hand (for example, gently grab the arms and press them to the chest with your hand; press your hand to the back...). It is your hand that is motionless during the technique. Pressure on the body (plus the heat source from the hand) is very relaxing. With your other hand you pat (stroke...). When removing your hands, act in the following order: “remove” the movement made by the hand, remove this hand, release the pressure of the second hand, remove the second hand. Again, the second hand is removed BEFORE the child has completely calmed down.
Step 4 is completed within 15 minutes.
5. If after 15 minutes the child is still crying bitterly, take him in your arms and do what you usually do to calm the baby (except feeding). But! - do not let the child fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the baby’s condition has stabilized, put him back in the crib and repeat the whole procedure again. This is also a very important thing - when performing the technique, you need to put the child in the crib while still awake (the baby has calmed down, you noticed that the firebrand is leaning toward your shoulder - carefully place it in the crib - at this stage it is not scary if the child wakes up and starts crying / whining - repeat step 4).
If after 15 minutes the child whines and/or lies calmly (often with bleary eyes), then you just stand next to him and take your cue from his behavior. Often after this stage the baby falls asleep. If the baby does not fall asleep after a long period of calm, but bursts into tears, return to step 4.
Steps 4-5 for daytime sleep are performed 4 times. If after the fourth 15 minutes the baby is not sleeping (and/or crying) - take him out of the crib and proceed to normal activities. When the next sleep time arrives, perform the technique from the very beginning.
Steps 4-5 for nighttime sleep can be performed up to 6 times, after which it makes sense to put the child to bed in the usual way.
Waking up during sleep
I have already said that we all wake up in the REM sleep phase. There are very frequent complaints that the child sleeps for 30-40 minutes - that’s all. That is, the baby simply sleeps one full cycle, floats out of sleep during REM and cannot fall back into sleep. Since the technique is aimed at teaching the child to sleep on his own, the problem of waking up every 30-40 minutes will gradually disappear on its own.
If waking up occurred during daytime sleep earlier than an hour after falling asleep (one full sleep cycle has passed - i.e. 30-40-50 minutes)
1. The baby woke up, you hear groans and creaks from the nursery. Wait 2 minutes; if the baby does not fall asleep on its own, repeat step 4 for 20 minutes. If after 20 minutes the child has not fallen asleep (he may be calm or crying), take him out of the crib and play with him (feed him, etc. - your normal life activity) until the next time you go to bed.
2. if you hear a sharp, heart-rending cry from the nursery (right off the bat) - go into the nursery immediately, take the child in your arms and calm him down as usual (feeding is excluded). But! - do not let the child fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the baby’s condition has stabilized, put him back in the crib and repeat step 4 for 20 minutes. If after 20 minutes the child has not fallen asleep (he may be calm or crying), take him out of the crib and play with him (feed him, etc. - your normal life activity) until the next time you go to bed.
If waking up occurs during a night's sleep, That
1. The baby woke up, you hear groans and creaks from the nursery. Wait 2 minutes, repeat steps 4-5 - up to 5-6 times if necessary. After the sixth fifteen minutes, put the baby to sleep using the method that you used before (feeding may be necessary by this time).
2. if you hear a sharp, heart-rending cry from the nursery (right off the bat) - go into the nursery immediately, take the child in your arms and calm him down as usual (feeding is excluded). But! - do not let the child fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the baby’s condition has stabilized, put him back in the crib and repeat steps 4-5, if necessary, up to 5-6 times. After the sixth fifteen minutes, put the baby to sleep using the method that you used before (feeding may be necessary by this time).
There is no need to talk to the child after entering the nursery (even one or two remarks are enough to concentrate his attention on “this” world), change the diaper (unless it’s pooped), make eye contact with the baby, cover him (of course, if it’s icy cold) , and the baby is open, then you need to cover it). If being swaddled helps your child fall asleep, and is now unswaddled, it is permissible to gently swaddle him without removing him from the bed. While performing the technique, you also do not do the above, do not wipe away tears, drool, snot, etc. (of course, you can adjust the blanket clothes if they are, for example, on the face, or the clothes are wrapped around the neck). You will correct and wipe everything after the child falls asleep.
If you put to sleep little cock sucker, then if the pacifier falls out of the mouth (if you see the child’s need for it), the pacifier can/should be returned to its place.
In this matter, attitude and self-motivation are extremely important, because you will still have to deal with children’s crying and your feelings of guilt. It was very difficult for me to decide, after the second long (and so far - TTT - last) crying, I myself cried like a crocodile. I offer the following thoughts on my own:
- treat technology as performing a specific job
- understand for yourself why exactly you are doing this. Crying and tears may go away within 2-3 days (I wish this for everyone), and if you don’t achieve results with the technique, what will your child have? in my case, it was crying before and after sleep, short sleep that did not bring adequate rest for children, my daughter getting up several times a night, my fatigue and twitchiness.
- realize that through a slightly painful method, in general, you are giving your child a great gift - quality rest and the ability to go to bed on their own.
- if you started the technique, be persistent (first of all with yourself), because otherwise it will turn out that your child cried all this time in vain, and you, in fact, mocked him.
- technology can be approached as medicine - medicine is not always pleasant and painless, alas.
I’ll share a little of my own experience.
Although I wrote everywhere about the nursery, in fact, everything works fine in our shared bedroom. We will be moving in a month, Katya will have her own room there, before learning the technique, Katya and I slept together, so I didn’t change anything now. During the day, I put Katya on our bed, tuck a pillow under her back (so that she lies, as it were, in three quarters - and not on her side, but not on her back) and tuck in a blanket (the first day after the course I swaddled her); my daughter turns away from me (although she turns her head out - look at me); I myself lie down on the other side of the pillow. It turns out that Katya and I don’t have body-to-body contact, my hand lies comfortably on the pillow and it’s easy for me to put it on Katya and remove my hand, in general, beauty.
I discovered that this is easier for us with the curtains drawn (not complete darkness, of course) and the radio gurgling.
I practically don’t do point 2. I just go for it when signs of fatigue appear. True, I am always active - our laughter, crawling, strong massage... - I do it long before Katya begins to get tired.
Since Katyusha is a small and frequent eater + little weight gain, we do not quite follow the recommended “sleep-eat-play” regimen. I understand that the most important thing is not to feed the child immediately before bedtime (i.e., try to feed at least 20 minutes before the expected sleep), so that excitement does not occur. So for us it’s usually sleep-eat-play-eat-play-sleep. Nothing, everything works.
In the evening (before...) we had the only trouble-free way to fall asleep - on the chest (falling asleep at night). We lay down together and Katya sucked me for 40-90 minutes (usually the first 7-15 minutes - active sucking with milk, and then just lazy half-sucking with long pauses). Since during the formation of the self-sleep mechanism it is necessary to “self-fall asleep” the child every time he goes to bed, I do this: we lie down together in the same way, we feed in the same way. I let Katya suck for about 40-45 minutes (I make sure that she doesn’t pass out on the chest), then I take the nipple out of her mouth and carefully move away like a snake, quickly tucking the blanket into her (i.e. the effect of being half-swaddled + you won’t crawl too far towards me) and I keep my hand ready for technical actions. My hand hasn't been useful in the evenings yet
I do the same when feeding at night.
Despite the fact that using this technique you can eliminate night feedings completely, I left one because we are not gaining much weight.
Despite the fact that this technique is recommended for infants up to 6 months. age, I think it will work great on older children.
this is also from motherhood, page 7, we have been living on it for 2 days, yesterday I slept for half an hour during the day, but at night I ate, put it in bed and slept until the morning!!! I'm afraid of regression, it turns out I was mocking in vain ((((
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Tracy Hogg's method of teaching a child to fall asleep on his own at 3, 4, 5, 6, 9 months without crying and rocking in his crib (personal experience and advice).
If you started the technique, be persistent (first of all with yourself), because otherwise it will turn out that your child experienced discomfort all this time in vain, and you, in fact, mocked him. Realistically assess your desires and capabilities. When I decided that Maxim and I would now sleep separately, I realized that he was ready, but I was not...
How did we get to this point?
“Maksimka, my boyfriend is cheerful, very active, loves to shout and make mischief at 7 months old. From birth, I understood how important it was to teach my child to fall asleep on his own, since he woke up at night very often, and did not always fall asleep on his chest, so practically From the first days of his life, I didn’t rock him, put him in his crib, shushed him a little and left him to fall asleep.Everything was great, but one fine night (about 3 months) he did not fall asleep either on his own or with my hand and I, completely exhausted from hours of lulling, took him to my bed. He fell asleep instantly. After reading 100 benefits of co-sleeping and stories from friends about how great it is, we started sleeping together. Not always, of course, there was a period when I was sick and coughed a lot at night, he slept in his crib. For daytime naps, on the advice of my mother, we went to bed swaddled and rocked to sleep, although he was already 5 months old at that time. Everything was great and I was happy and well-rested.
BUT! The problems started when he became incredibly active after 7 months; it was almost impossible to put him to sleep! While he was little, I found time to work during the day, but now this has become impossible, he began to sleep for 30 minutes during the day. I wanted to put him to bed early and work 3-4 hours at night, but he also woke up every 30 minutes until I went to bed myself and took him to my bed. I was exhausted, my nerves were on edge, I didn’t get enough sleep, I spent half the night catching my leg so I wouldn’t crawl out of bed. The peak was the night when he bit my chest, woke up 15 times, kicked me, climbed on me, etc. I couldn’t stand sleeping together like that anymore! "
Estville's method of "controlled crying"
I think this method is known to almost all parents; most likely, one of your relatives or friends told you about it. What it consists of: you put the child in the crib and leave the room, waiting until he “screams” and falls asleep on his own. In theory, you should ignore the cry, which will last for about an hour, and not enter the room; naturally, the child should be well-fed, healthy, in a clean diaper, etc. Three nights are enough, provided that you didn’t break down and start consoling the baby.
I am categorically against this method, I will explain why.
- Even a completely healthy child can scream at himself about vomiting or fever.
- I can’t imagine how you can endure the wild scream of your baby for more than 5 minutes, except with headphones.
- Crying is the only way for a child to express his needs, fears and emotions. If he can't speak yet, you can't say for sure that everything is 100% okay with him.
- A small child does not understand where and why his mother went; if now, when he needs her so much, she is not there, which means she may not return at all.
Another thing is when the child is already accustomed to sleeping in his crib and can be a little capricious before bed, when the nature of the crying is subsiding, not turning into a scream, the baby seems to lull himself to sleep with it, you can leave him alone.
PU/PD method (Pick up/Place in crib) Tracey Hogg
I read about this method in the book “Secrets of a Sleepy Mom” by Tracy Hogg.
Philosophy:
- We perform all the rituals before bedtime (bathing, feeding, fairy tales, quiet music, lullabies, etc.), calmly tell the child that it's time to relax, recuperate and sleep (explain your actions no matter how old the child is, a month or a year old), we kiss him and put him in the crib.
- If the child begins to whine (whine, whimper, moan, howl), we put our hand on him and rhythmically shush him, stroke his back, pat him, rock him, lightly “press down” the especially active ones (just one!), avoiding visual contact.
- As soon as it begins to calm down, we remove the sound of shhhhh, patting, leave the hand (that is, we calmed it down a little and give the child the opportunity to further calm down on his own), after a few seconds we remove the hand. The most important thing is to teach the child to calm down on his own and fall asleep, and not rock him to sleep with his hand or a lullaby, this is the same as being held in your arms.
- If he cries a lot (loudly with tears, sobs, is hysterical, squirms) - we take him in our arms, console him, and immediately after he has calmed down, put him back in the crib.
- If your baby already has a lot of dependencies at the time of training (he fell asleep only with his mother, fell asleep on his chest, in his arms), you may have to pick him up and put him back 20 or 100 times and this procedure will take an hour or two, be prepared for this ready. After three such days, the result will be very noticeable, believe me. We put her to sleep in the same way during the day.
How not to abandon the method
- Think over a plan, discuss it with all members of your family, it can be stressful and it is better if you have a partner to help you or at least support you.
- Start on Friday so that you have the weekend ahead and have the opportunity to rest during the day.
- If you want to give up everything and breastfeed or pump again, think that your and your child’s nerves were wasted, you simply mocked him and yourself.
- Remember that you will give your child a real gift by teaching him to fall asleep without help!
What are our successes?
Using Tracy Hogg's method, she taught Maxim to fall asleep on his own in his crib and without tears, but with my presence in the room. Now I’m learning to sleep on my own without Maxim, it’s turning out to be very difficult! There was even such a thing that I couldn’t fall asleep all night without him, and he snored contentedly in his crib. Last week we went through another growth spurt, when it was impossible to put him down using any method, he woke up 10 times a night... and this happens. It’s just that now I know that he is perfectly able to fall asleep and sleep on his own, if he doesn’t do this, then something is bothering him and I should forget about the rules for a while.
02/22/2017 new! Maxim is now 1 year and 7 months old. I'm grateful for Tracy Hogg's method of teaching him to sleep in his own crib. How things are now: we go to bed at night after all the rituals, clearly saying that now is bedtime. I put Max in his crib, which is next to my bed, he lies down and closes his eyes. I lie down next to him (I don’t go anywhere!) on my bed, sing him a couple of songs according to his mood, stroke his head or back and he falls asleep, and I go to work. This is an ideal option for him and me, I love the moments when before bed we exchange tenderness and after my lullabies he falls asleep sweetly. There are times when I don’t feel like singing anything or Maxim starts acting up, then I just lie quietly next to him with my eyes closed.
Tenderness before bed for me is an opportunity to charge my son with my love and set him up for a restful sleep; during the day this bully is generally difficult to catch. Techniques with leaving the room were postponed until 3 years.
Another method to note.
KARITANE TECHNIQUE after 4 months
2. 5-10 minutes of quiet exercise.
3. Place your baby in bed in a preferred position.
4. Stroke briefly (pat, lightly rock with one hand - choose one for yourself) and, humming a lullaby or the sound “shhh-shh-shhh”, leave the room.
5. If the child bursts into tears when you leave, let him cry for 1-3 minutes.
6. Return to the room and soothe the child (patting, rocking the bed, singing a lullaby) for 3 minutes.
7. Leave the room again for 3 minutes. If you think this is too long, increase the time outside the room from 1 to 3 minutes.
For some babies, a quiet monotonous sound in the room helps them not to wake up - this could be a humidifier, a radio playing quietly, lullabies, or any calm and relaxing music.
8. Repeat step 6.
9. Repeat point 7. Depending on the age of the child and how you and your partner feel while the child is crying, the time you are absent gradually increases by 1 minute.
Aged 7-9 months - 7 minutes.
Steps 4-9 can be continued for no longer than 45 minutes. If your baby has not calmed down and/or fallen asleep after 45 minutes, take him for a walk, give him a gentle massage or a relaxing bath. This should take no more than 30 minutes. Then repeat all the steps from the beginning.
Listen to the nature of your baby's crying and decide according to the situation - how soon to enter the room and repeat step 6. If the baby is crying so much that you cannot calm him down, pick him up and comfort him in the usual way (except for feeding). Try not to let your baby fall asleep in your arms; As soon as the child calms down, put him back in the crib and repeat the whole procedure from the beginning.
Tracy Hogg is a nurse from the USA with more than 25 years of experience. Initially, she specialized in working with special children; later she advised parents on issues of upbringing and development. The method she developed is called “Pick up, pick down” and is aimed at teaching babies to fall asleep on their own. The author is called the “baby whisperer” or “baby whisperer”, as baby whispering is one of the features of her approach. “Hug and put” refers to soft methods of sleep training, where the help of parents in the process of teaching the baby is quite pronounced. The peculiarity of her method is an individual approach to each family and each child.
Hogg has always opposed harsh sleep training methods, such as her insistence on parental assistance where needed to ensure baby feels safe. At the same time, she always opposed such “crutches” or “props” for falling asleep, such as rocking or feeding before falling asleep.
Description of the method
Description: put the baby in the crib to sleep; if he cries, try to calm him down in bed. You should never leave the room, but even if the baby is crying, you don’t need to take the child in your arms right away, help him calm down with your presence and voice. If this fails, pick up the child, calm him down, and then put him back. You need to act in the same way until the child falls asleep.
The application of the method varies depending on age. Up to 3 months - maximum parental help, by 9-12 months - minimal. The younger the baby, the greater the parent’s help, and, accordingly, the older he is, the less pronounced the help to the baby.
Up to 6 months, you can use “shushing” or “hissing-patting” the baby in the crib.
The essence of training according to the method: the mother does not offer very active help when falling asleep - she does not immediately take her in her arms when the baby cries, but makes it clear that she is nearby through her actions. The mother helps the baby experience his emotions when falling asleep, being nearby.
This method does not prevent crying, but it does prevent the child's fear of being left alone. This is an important difference between this technique and the “let cry” approach.
To start working on this technique, you need to show your baby to a doctor to rule out everything. And also make efforts to form
Work on the technique of learning to fall asleep independently “Hugged and laid”:
- Take the baby in your arms and place it on your shoulder
- Keep your baby tucked into your shoulder to reduce visual stimulation
- Hiss loudly and evenly near the baby's ear
- Pat the baby's back with the rhythm of the heart
- Continue hissing and patting until baby begins to relax
- It is important that the baby does not fall asleep on the shoulder
- Place the baby in the crib and continue patting and hissing in the crib
- Reduce the intensity of patting if the baby becomes quiet
- Stop hissing
- Pat until the child falls asleep
The “hug-and-lay” method is an excellent alternative to rocking and teaches. Over time, it is important to hold the baby on your shoulder less and less and put him in the crib to sleep earlier.
With older children, the use of the technique changes. From 6 months, the baby can already physically resist being held. Therefore, the author of the method insists that the mother invite the baby to take it. If the baby reaches for it, then take it not on your shoulder, but in your arms in the “cradle” position. To calm down, it makes sense to use your voice more and more, rather than patting. You can combine “hug and put” with gradual moving away and leaving the room.
Pros and cons of “hug and put”
+ Pros:
- In this technique, the parent does not leave the room, does not leave the baby alone to cry, but stays with the baby as long as it takes to fall asleep
- Parents learn to be sensitive to the child's needs and signals
- Suitable for anxious parents
- Working with this technique gives parents structure and helps build a clearer daily routine.
- Minuses:
- The work is labor-intensive, requiring the patience of parents and the consistency of their actions. This method may not be suitable for very tired and irritated moms and dads
- Some children find it difficult to be picked up
- In the first nights, there may be several dozen such “hugs and hugs”, but after a few days progress becomes visible, the number of these times is reduced.
Why the technique may not work
- Mom could not stand the methodical execution of the sequence of actions
- The baby fell ill during the training or his teeth are actively growing at the time of training, a massage course is being carried out or vaccinations are planned
- The baby started
- The family is going through some changes (moving, trip, divorce)
- Parents could not come to an agreement (for example, mom likes the chosen method of learning to fall asleep, but dad doesn’t agree with it)
- The mother, with external consent, internally feels discomfort and anxiety, which, in turn, is transmitted to the baby. A stressed baby under the influence of cortisol cannot relax and calm down and, accordingly, falling asleep takes longer, leading to the accumulation of lack of sleep and further complicating the baby's sleep.
Differences between the methods of Tracy Hogg and Kim West
Tracy Hogg's method is the same as soft methods of learning to fall asleep ("no cry" methods), but nevertheless there are differences between them. Work on the “Hug and Place” technique is focused on teaching babies to sleep in their own cribs, while the Kim West technique can also be implemented when sleeping together. In the Kim West method, parents do not allow the baby to cry, trying to prevent this by preventing crying in various ways. By “hugging and putting,” the mother can allow the baby to “show emotions” by being nearby, but without taking active steps to calm him down.
“Hug and Put” is one of the closest approaches to the “Slow Distance” technique from Kim West. “Hug and put” has many followers around the world and the number of contradictory and negative reviews is much less than about the “let cry” teaching methods.
They always take longer to perform and require more patience on the part of the parents and maintaining the sequence of actions, but they are suitable for more anxious parents who will not be suitable for more rigid techniques, as well as for parents who are more sensitive to the needs of the baby.
Opinion of psychologists Sleep, Baby
Undoubtedly, Tracy Hogg’s method is softer than the “let cry” technique and it has fewer obvious “cons”. However, there are some nuances that can play an important role when choosing this teaching approach.
Thus, “hug and put” may not be suitable for mothers who find it difficult to follow the sequence of instructions. For example, being near the crib when the baby is crying and not taking active action can be even more difficult for many mothers than leaving the room completely.
From the point of view of forming and strengthening the attachment between mother and child, this technique is quite acceptable, but provided that the mother, being next to the crib in which the baby is located, is really nearby - not only physically, but also psychologically - the mother tries to support him emotionally , without disconnecting from contact, without losing yourself in your thoughts, and especially without switching from this situation in the literal sense - to reading a book or a smartphone.
The baby calms down because he feels that he is not alone, his mother is nearby. The mother, by her presence, helps the baby cope with his difficult emotional state; the mother supports her son or daughter with her voice. The baby, in turn, gets used to the fact that his mother is nearby and learns to cope with crying.
The most important thing when choosing a particular method is, first of all, for parents to assess their physical and psychological state, how tired the parents are, how quickly they expect results, what they are willing to do in the learning process and what they are not, what is the priority, Why is all this being started, what is the main goal, etc. Parents should also assess the child’s maturity level, and then discuss possible solutions with loved ones and their spouse and choose one or another behavior strategy.
Any method will work more effectively if parents sincerely believe in it and are committed to consistent work. If parents weigh all the pros and cons of each method of teaching, they will be able to understand what format of work is right for their family - for everyone, even the smallest representative.
A severe case of distorted parenting.When I met James, he was five months old and had never slept in his own bed, day or night. He wasn't able to sleep unless his mom was next to him, in mom and dad's bed. But this was not the ideal state of the family bed. James's mother, Jackie, was forced to go to bed every night at eight, and also lie next to him every morning and afternoon while James slept. And when his unfortunate dad Mike returned from work, he was forced to silently sneak home. "If the light is on upstairs, I know he's awake," Mike explained. "If not, I'll have to tiptoe in like a burglar." Jackie and Mike went out of their way for their son, and through it all, he didn't sleep well. He woke up several times during the night, and the only way his mother managed to get him back to sleep was by breastfeeding. “I know he’s not hungry,” Jackie admitted to me when we first met. "He wakes me up for company."
As with many babies in their first year of life who have difficulty sleeping, the problem began when James was one month old. Apparently he "was against" his parents' efforts to get him to sleep. At first they took turns sitting with him in a rocking chair. He eventually fell asleep, but the moment he was laid down, his eyes opened wide. Out of despair, his mother began to calm him down, laying him on her chest. The warmth calmed him, of course. Since she herself was mortally tired, she lay down with him in her bed and both fell asleep. James never returned to his bed. Every time he woke up, Jackie held him close to her chest and hoped that he would go back to sleep. “I did everything I could to push back the inevitable, to feed him again.” But of course she always ended up feeding him again. Naturally, James slept well during the day - he was tired, having been awake all night.
At this stage, you can already recognize in this situation a severe case of distorted parenting. I receive thousands of phone and email calls from parents of infants four months and older who tell me that their baby:
still wakes up frequently at night
wakes them up terribly early in the morning,
never slept for long periods of time during the day (one mother expressed this with the words “he is not a fan of sleeping during the day”,
does not fall asleep without their help.
These problems in various multiple variations are most common in the first year. If parents do not take steps to change this situation, these difficulties worsen and continue well into the baby's childhood, if not longer. I chose James's case because it includes all the problems!
By three or four months of age, babies should already have a consistent routine and sleep in their bed day and night. They should already be able to calm down and fall asleep and also fall back to sleep on their own if they wake up. And they must sleep all night - namely a minimum of six continuous hours. But many babies do not fit this description, not at four months, not at eight months, and not even at a year or more. And when parents come to me, they sound like Jackie and Mike - they desperately need help, they know they went wrong somewhere along the way, but they have no idea how to get back on track.
To determine how to solve the sleep problem, mainly in slightly older infants, we need to see the whole day. The source of each of the above problems can be found in a lack of routine, or a routine that is inconsistent or inappropriate (for example, a five-month-old infant with a three-hour schedule). It is clear that they also include some amount of distorted parenting.
In general, almost all scenarios followed the same path that can be predicted: in the first months of the baby's life, the baby did not sleep well or slept randomly, the parents are looking for a quick solution, they take the baby into their bed or put him to sleep in a trampoline or in a car, or they use themselves - mom offers the breast for comfort, dad paces back and forth in the room, within just two or three nights the baby develops dependence on support. Either way, the solution requires getting the child back into a good routine. To establish or improve a routine for an infant three months or older, I teach parents the pick up/put down (P.U./P.D.) method.
If your baby sleeps well and has a good routine, you don't need the lift/put down method. But if you're reading this chapter, it's logical to assume that you need it. This chapter deals only with the method: what it is and how the technique is adapted to different age groups. I highlight sleep issues specific to the first year and show you a few case studies in each age group to show you how lifting/putting down works. At the end of the chapter I also included a special section on naps, which are a common problem for all age groups. Finally, since many parents have written to me to tell me that the pick up/put down method is not productive with their babies, I check in on the areas where many parents make mistakes.
What is the pick up/put down method?
The lift/put down method is the cornerstone of my midway sleep philosophy. It is used both as a teaching tool and as a problem solving method. This dear, the baby is not dependent on you or any other support to sleep, and he is not abandoned either. We do not impose on the child the task of solving the problem on his own - we stay close to him and support him, we do not let him cry until he falls asleep.
I use lift/put with babies aged three months to one year who have not learned the skill of sleep, sometimes I use the method also at older ages, mainly in severe cases or when the child has never had any routine. Pick up/put down does not replace the calming ritual, it is more of a last resort. It is necessary mainly due to distorted parenting.
If your baby is not calm during sleep or you have to use support to get him to sleep, you need to change these habits before they become firmly established or worse. When Jenine was two months old, for example, “she was only willing to sleep in the stroller,” according to her mom, who now “only manages to get her to sleep if I take her for a ride in the car.” Dependency on support, like attachments of other types, only intensifies over time. And here is a place to lift/put down. I use it to:
- teach support-dependent infants how to fall asleep independently, day and night,
- establish a routine for a slightly older baby or restore a routine after parents have deviated from it,
- help the baby transition from a three-hour routine to a four-hour routine,
- lengthen too short daytime naps,
- encourage the baby to sleep longer in the morning, provided that waking up early stems from something the parents did and not the baby's natural biological clock.
Raise/put down is not a magical method. It involves a lot of hard work (which is why I often suggest parents coordinate their efforts and take turns - see end of chapter). You're changing the usual way you put a baby to sleep. So when you put him down without support, it is logical to assume that he will cry, since he is accustomed to the previous method of falling asleep - with a bottle, breast, rocking or riding - I the support that you provided him in the past. You will encounter objections already at the beginning, since the baby does not understand what you are doing. And so you need to lift him up to calm him down and let him know that at least you know what you're doing. Use a method that is appropriate for your child's age, physical condition and activity level (you can read how to do this in the following sections dedicated to different age groups). But the lift/put down method is based on one simple process: when the baby cries, go into the room. First try to calm him down with words and a hand gently placed on his back. Until the age of six months you can also do hissing-patting, in older babies this action can interfere with sleep (mostly hissing), so we just put our hand on the baby's back to feel our presence. If he doesn't stop crying, pick him up, but put him down the moment he stops crying and not a second later. You just have to calm him down, don’t try to put him to sleep, he has to do that on his own. But if he cries and arches his back, put him down right there. Never fight a crying child. At the same time, maintain the connection by placing a firm hand on his back so that he knows you are there. Stay with him. Intervene by also saying, "Let's just go to bed now, honey. You're just going to bed."
Lay him down completely on the mattress, even if he cries the moment he leaves your shoulder or on the way down to his bed. If he cries, pick him up again. The idea behind this method is that you give him comfort and confidence and allow him to experience this emotion. At the core of this, your behavior is telling him, "You may cry, but Mommy/Daddy is here with you. I know it's hard for you to fall back to sleep, but I'm here to help you."
If he cries when you put him down, pick him up again. But remember, don't fight him when he arches his back. Part of this struggle and squirming is his attempt to return to sleep. Pushing and digging in is his infant way of calming himself down. Don't feel guilty, you're not harming him. And don't take his reactions as a personal insult - he's not mad at you. He's just miserable because he never learned how to fall asleep, and you act to help him and calm him down. Like adults who toss and turn in bed on a sleepless night, he just wants to get some rest.
On average, the duration of action is twenty minutes, but it can also last an hour or more. I'm not sure what my record is, but with some babies I've had to do the lift/put down over a hundred times. Often parents are unsure of the method. are sure that with their particular baby it is simply ineffective. They don't see it tool. Moms also wonder if I don't use my breasts, what do I have? How can I calm him down? So you can use your voice as well as bodily intervention. Your voice, believe it or not, is your most powerful instrument. When you speak to your baby in a gentle and soft tone, and if necessary repeat over and over again ("you're just going to bed, sweetie"), you let him know that you will not abandon him. You're just helping him go to bed. Babies whose parents use lift/put down eventually associate the voice with calming and there is no longer a need to lift it. The moment they feel confident, when they hear their parents' words of reassurance, nothing extra is needed to give them confidence.
If you do the lift/put in the right form - picking him up when he cries and putting him down when he stops crying - eventually the storm will calm down and his crying will lessen. In the beginning, he may begin to pull his nose and gasp between sobs as he gradually "slows down." These changes almost always indicate that sleep is close. Don't forget to leave your hand on it. The weight of your hand combined with your verbal reassurance lets him know you're there. Don't pat or say "shhh" and don't leave the room...until you see that he's fallen into a deep sleep.
The pick up/put down method is designed to reassure and build trust. After all, in order to teach your baby to sleep and to get his own personal time again, you, of course, are ready to lift and put down fifty and a hundred times, or even a hundred and fifty times if necessary, right? If not, you are not reading the right book. There are no short and easy solutions.
The pick up/put down method does not prevent crying. What it does is it prevents the fear of abandonment, because you stay with the child and soothe his crying
. He doesn't cry because he hates you, or because you harm him. He's crying because you're trying to get him to sleep another way and he's frustrated. When children change their habit, they cry. But they cry out of disappointment, and this cry is completely different from the crying caused by a feeling of abandonment, which is more desperate, full of fear, almost primitive sobs, the purpose of which is to return you to the room and now.
Take for example little Jenine that I mentioned earlier. When her mom stopped using motion support—in the stroller and in the car—to put her to sleep, Janine didn't like it. At first she cried a long cry and basically said, "What are you doing, Mom? That's not how they put me to sleep." But after a few nights of being lifted/put down, she was able to fall asleep without support.
To be effective, the lift/put action must be developmentally appropriate. After all, behavior with a four-month-old baby is different from behavior with an eleven-month-old baby. It is logical, if so, to change the lift/put and adjust it to the needs and changing characteristics of the infant. In the next four sections - three to four months, four to six months, six to eight months, and eight months to a year - I briefly review the characteristics of babies in each age group and the subtle changes that begin in sleep issues during this time. time. It's not surprising that many of the common issues, like waking up during the night and short naps during the day, can continue for a long time. I've also included the key questions I ask to understand a specific issue completely. Granted, I usually ask follow-up questions about sleep patterns, eating habits, activity, etc., but I believe that if you've read this far, you have a good understanding of the depth of my research. (As I recommended earlier, please read all sections for all age groups. Even if your baby has gone through some of the earlier stages, these questions will provide you with additional information that will help you understand why your baby is having trouble sleeping.) Then I explain how to match the lift/lay for each age group. After each section I have added an example from that age group to show you how to pick up/put down in different situations and at different stages of development.
How to quickly put the baby to bed? Nurse Tracey Hogg has the answer, and more than one. Her methods may seem unusual, but believe me, it’s worth a try.
Tracey Hogg's books "Secrets of a Sleepy Mom" and "What Your Baby Wants" have gained immense popularity all over the world. It is recommended to read them already at the stage of pregnancy in order to understand in advance how to build a relationship with your baby.
Who is she?
Tracey Hogg is a nurse with 25 years of experience. She worked with very different young children and their parents. She is often called the “whisperer” of babies. Tracy offers each family its own specific approach to solving problems. She believes that from birth a child is an individual, and the mother needs to carefully observe, listen, and most importantly, respect his wishes.
Daily regime
The daily routine should be built depending on the individual temperament of the baby. It is known that rituals during the day are very important for every child. For example, a mother's lullaby or turning off the light should be accepted by the baby as a signal to go to sleep. According to Tracy, the daily routine should have a strict alternation: nutrition, activity, sleep, freedom. You can’t combine nutrition and sleep, and you can’t change the order of actions either. Then, after about two weeks, the first results may appear - the baby will have a restful sleep, and the mother will have time for herself.
Whispering
Whispering can be used after four months, the child must be absolutely healthy. So, you need to put the baby on your shoulder and start hissing loudly and monotonously in his ear. At this time, you need to pat him on the back in time with his heartbeat. When the baby starts to fall asleep, you need to put him in the crib and continue hissing and patting the bed with your hand until he finally falls asleep. The most important thing is that the baby does not fall asleep in his arms, then in a short time he will begin to sleep on his own in his crib.
Timer
The method is intended for children from nine months. Many mothers dream of weaning their baby from feeding before bed. How to do it? First, the baby is fed as usual, the mother sets the alarm clock for 10 minutes, shows it to the child and says: “As soon as it rings, the milk will run out.” And she does as she said. At first the baby will cry for about 40 minutes and demand food, but the mother must be adamant. Let him persuade him to go to bed, read books and sing songs. As soon as the child calms down, you need to put him in bed. After some time, the timer switches to fewer minutes. Thus, the baby will gradually completely refuse to eat before his nap, and then before his night nap.
He picked him up and put him in the crib
If all your previous attempts have failed, a tough approach remains. At the same time, all bedtime rituals are preserved - bathing, lullaby or fairy tale. You explain to your child that it is time to sleep and put him in his crib. If he cried a lot, pick him up, use whispering and put him back in bed, leaving your hand on his back. When he calms down, you need to remove it. The method can be used from four months, but for each child the time it takes to get used to falling asleep without assistance can vary greatly.
Many mothers find Tracy Hogg's methods quite stressful. It is convenient for them to sleep in the same bed with the baby and hold him to the breast all night.
