A stubborn child, always insisting on his own behavior, seeks to attract the attention of parents and asserted. He tries to convince adults in its independence and independence. In the behavior of the baby there is its own logic, and parents certainly need to understand it in order not to lose emotional intimacy with the child.
The period of development of the child from one and a half to 3 years is called time psychological birth Personality. If earlier Mom decided that and when the baby would do, now the greeted child is becoming more independent. He actively acquires communication skills with people and develops unfamiliar behavior of him.
Accustomed to the immediate execution of all the desires, the baby confidently considers himself the center of the Universe. After all, before the baby was worth screaming, and adults immediately tried to fulfill all his desires. It was fed, they took on the hands, disguised, entertained. But now a handsome child mom for some reason does not allow to touch some things, throw a cup, knocking on the glass, and on the street playing in a puddle. Natural reaction to prohibitions - protest.
Even a kind, dyed kid after 2 years can become very stubborn. Child Capriznitsy, insists on your own and resolutely answers there are no requests and suggestions. So he tries to convince adults in his independence and independence. It is during this period that it is important to teach the baby to manage your own desires and feelings. After all, in life, we all constantly have to be guided by reason and obey certain rules of behavior.
Croha, curiously explored the world around, begins to be interested in the reaction of people on his actions. What will happen if you refuse to sleep, hide the grandmother's glasses or throw a book on the floor? Knowing that it is impossible to do so and adults will certainly be upset, the pursuit thus seeks to attract attention and asserted. If the family adheres to strict rules and the list of prohibitions is too large, then you cannot avoid the heat of emotions and constant conflicts.
Parents of stubborn baby must behave consistently and coordinated, clearly and intelligibly formulating its demands to the kid. Show the child that your hysterics do not confuse you, and stubbornness and whims will not make a change point. Do not frighten the kid threats to leave, punish or pick up, for example, toys. Instead of the round: "How much can you repeat?!" distract crying child And calm down. Explain that you understand his feelings, but you cannot do an unreasonable requirement.
Usually, child Capriznitsy And stubborn if adults deprive his choice rights. It is unlikely that the baby will refuse porridge if you ask him, from a plate with what pattern he wants to eat. Staying in the bed will take less time if before going to bed it is to offer him yourself to choose pajamas. If the choice of baby does not harm anyone, let him become confident and believe in his strength.
The most profive way to communicate with a small stubborn - tough measures. After all, in the behavior of the baby there is its own logic, and you just need to detect it. In addition, overvoltage and fatigue can be the cause of child stubbornness. Psychologists advise Mamam and Dad to talk with the baby on equal terms, take into account his opinion and not to scold for stubbornness, but to praise for perseverance and independence. Then gradually
Children, like adults, all different. Calm and restless, soft and stubborn ... If the child does not listen to Mom, does the opposite, how to deal with it?
In disobedience, in understanding adults, there may be a variety of reasons.
Depending on the cause, an adult reaction should be built. We will call the main types of disobedience, but first will say that it is worth knowing that there is such a critical period of development. Everyone knows about the teenage crisis, many adults will even remember how he passed.It happens a long period when a person likes to do the opposite. So, this is not the only crisis.
There is also a crisis for 3 years, crisis of 7 years, ours, domestic psychologists allocate the crisis of the year, and the Western emit crisis for 2 years, simply because there is a little other periodization.
There is a floating crisis in the area of \u200b\u200b5 years, and plus there is still a junior adolescent age 8-9 years old when the child makes the so-called first growth jerk and becomes unmanageable.
The development of the child proceeds not smoothly, but stormy jumps. The crisis period is the time of restructuring relationships. With adults, with the world. This period, when the child is very difficult - it changes, he grows and becomes unmanaged at that time.
One of the crisis age is negativism.
This is when the "not" particle is added to any adult suggestion. I know such a maximum example of the practice "not robs not red is not a car" when the child answers the phrase mom that rides a red car.If your child says there is almost always, for example, before reading a book, eat a favorite porridge, go to walk when he loves it, says "no, I don't want," then it is negativism, and this is a crisis.
Typically, the critical period lasts 2-3 months, then it becomes more manageable, i.e. Such outbreaks of disobedience.
If in the crisis period of disobedience, the adult will put pressure, deny the will of the child to be denied, then negativism can be entrenched, remain in character.
Probably, everyone can remember adults who are building all their lives from the word "not", such rebar, revolutionaries.
Such disobedience should be understood as the growth of a little man, it takes a huge courage to argue with mom.
Disobedience must be rejoiced: the crisis, it means that the child grows.
But it does not mean submission to all the requirements of the child. Well, if parents can give the child the right to this "no", say: "Yes, I hear what you do not want." But this does not mean agree. After that, a large "but" follows:"You do not want, but such circumstances" or - "but need."
A child who opened his "I want" to also have to open another "I want".
It is important that adults do not give up their "me," of his opinion.
So, the first reason children's disobedience - age crises development.
And the second cause of disobedience is a lack of attention from an adult. Disobedience can be one of the behavioral strategies to attract adult attention. Children are so arranged: they are better bad, negative attention from parents than any at all.
It happens in children over-employed parents or children who spend a lot of time outside the house, boarding schools, kindergarten A full day, and here they come from their children's Full Tim "And they need attention, but they don't know how to attract it or maybe adults do not react.
After all, when the child behaves well, you can deal with my own business, and when it does not listen - you pay attention to this disobedience.
Disobedience, as attracting attention, should be very correctly appreciated by the parents.
If for this disobedience, the parent punishes or rejects emotionally, without seeing grain, then, firstly, the child will lead himself in the same way to attract at least some, but attention, and secondly, the feeling of short-lived will be stored.A child who behaves wrong, in such a situation you need to not reject, and find a moment when it behaves some kind of normal way and to put, talk, read, be with him.
Still maybe disobedience of the third type (The first look, as we found out - the crisis, the second - the lack of attention) is the struggle for power with parents.
Very often the child, since the age of two and a half years and to seven, begins to find out who is the main in the family.
Here disobedience is open disobedience.
The child is not in the crisis, he just wants everything to be, as he wants. He wants to spread his opinion. Here you need a completely different reaction. This disobedience, which is called, must be chop.The child develops normally when he knows that adult in the family is the main one.
And if this disobedience is intentional, fighting the authority of mom or dad, he needs to show that the challenge understood, the challenge took, there are boundaries, borders on the castle. The disobedience of this kind calls to ensure that the family is clear boundaries permitted, which is possible, and what is not.
If refuses to eat, clinks at the table, strives to overturn the plate?
For a start, we look at which causes of behavior can be here. I have not yet told about the fourth reason for disobedience, which is very characteristic of young children - it is just physical fatigue.When we see a child of a preschooler or junior schoolchild With his million classes, it is necessary to determine the first thing, whether it is weakened now or not, whether it is in the working range, or he is tired, hungry, is overcited, before he controls himself.
In children, this threshold when he gets tired, quickly comes. Fatigue is so squall. The wrong child happens often after a walk, during lunch, before bedtime or evening.
If these are whims from fatigue, you can even feed if the sake of attracting attention, then I must say that I quickly retreated, and then let's go to read the book if the whims of the manifestation of the struggle for power (provided that he changed, got enough attention), must be said that if you throw a plate again - you leave because of the table, do not eat.
The basic rule in relation to poor behavior for an adult: not to connect to the emotional wave of a child, not to start vibrating in the same rhythm.
If a child is fried, straighten, and children do it very infectiously, so that any adult also want to scream. It is very important not to be turned on and not responding to equal.
Remember, how "in this river in the morning two rams sophisticated"? It is important not to annoyance, not to answer the caprice scream. Enhance the tone - Know - it does not work, this is not an educational measure. Always negatively affect cries and irritation in response.
There is such an eastern wisdom that the annoyed tutor does not raise, but annoying. Irritation does not give results. You can okay to release steam it is quite a normal phenomenon for adult, but not upbringing.
Aggression in relation to peers
Situation: A child in relation to peers shows aggression, can knock the child with a typewriter at the site without any reason.How to explain and what to do about it?
There are options for parental behavior in such a situation. In order to choose the correct option, it is necessary to correctly assess the situation.
Maybe this child sees children rarely and almost never happens on the courts.
In those rare moments when he is given there, he just does not know what to do with children. And from great desire to communicate and not the skill just beats the machine.
Such a child gradually appeal, teach some norms of behavior adopted, not accepted.
Maybe the child exhibits aggression received in the family, he splashes it or redirects.
For example, redirects aggression that he has younger Brata, he is not allowed at home, and then he is on someone else's child.
Or takes an example from movieswhere big and adult uncle make "Buk" and "Bach". And he imites the samples seen from the television screen. We have a huge amount of aggression, induced mass media. This is a huge aggression that specialists in development and doctors have already been tired. It is believed that small child Until the age of majority, 18 thousand murders sees from television, not to mention the turning off of the internships, minor the limbs. And only one can generate aggression.
First we find the cause of bad behavior, call it for yourself, and then we react.
It is possible to anyone inclusive to adult, do not respond to irritation with irritation, and see why the child behaves like that. An adult behavior algorithm can be like this: if the child is still a preschooler, it is necessary from the situation in which aggressive behavior It occurs, extract. Just take on your arms or by hand and take to the side.So far, the fighting child is in the immediate vicinity of who he kogotit does not own himself, it needs to be removed.
You need to say the child, calmly and powerfully, preferably looking straight in the eye: "I will not allow you so much. I will not allow anyone to beat you and you do not allow anyone to beat. " And then, without rejecting the child, to tell him: "You behave like a very small" - this is the most effective.
"You're a bad boy and I will make your hands to you with green" - such comments do not work. I must say that you are so good that you did so badly.
There is such a kind of bad behavior when in fact the fact that adults are perceived as aggression, aggression is not - these moments when children are rapidly underway.
And it is not discomfort to them. This is such a thing about how puppies are taught and if you ask what you fought? They can say no, we played. For an adult, it may seem to be a fight, so you need to watch and join these children's clashes only when you called. This is if about boys, because adults, who are responsible for them, they always seem too noisy, too aggressive.
Aggression towards brothers and sisters
Situation: In the family, not one child, and one can offend systematically. After all, it happens. The reason lies in relation to parents to children or something else?Many little girls can not live the day without harmful or subscribing each other, and small boys, brothers with a small difference in age can not live without scuffle.
Parents need to acutely react to aggression when children have unequal forces.
When one child clearly offends the weaker or offends the baby, who can not answer anything, he lies in diapers.
It happens that this is the work of the hands of parents, because the allocation of a more beloved child leads to the fact that the unloved aggression appears in relation to the pet. She can manifest themselves for years, even throughout life. It may be so that they did not share an adult. Adults do not distinguish the pet, and the one who was the firstborn who was the only one for a long time, will not want to give way to mother-nanny-grandfather-dad.
Children share the place under the sun, that is near the adult.
In general, aggression in the family, especially coming from the older to the younger, it is necessary to control very hard and prohibit at the very beginning.
From the very beginning I must say that there is no, I will not let you beat the baby that you both are my children and I will not allow you. This is such a forgotten measure - the word of the parent, said with the authorities. It is also good to catch the baby's glance, say everything without irritation. If you broke into irritation and scream, then it was gone. The child will only understand that at that moment the parent does not like him. "In our family no one hits anyone," it must be said calmly and with the authorities.
Aggression may also be if the child sees clashes between parents, emotional or any more. Of course, it will simulate this parent behavior.
There is such a law of family mechanics - you can not ask why you do not perform.
If parents are inclined to increase the voice, and the child will also shove out the youngest or peers in the garden.
If dad flashes hands, and physical punishments Children in the angry and restless state of parents in the family are not uncommon - there will be a staircase of aggression: the dad hits the elder, the senior beats the youngest, the younger beats the cat.
What to do if children fight
If small brothers fight desperately, but at the same time friendly, do you need to deal with it or just wait for it, when you grow up and hurt?It seems to me that the rule in the family should be such: that if an adult may not interfere if it is not called, of course, it is clear that he controls the noise in the nursery, but it can be very noisy there, and it is not uncomfortable for children.
The rule may be like this: while children did not call parents - "before the first blood," what is called - an adult does not interfere, but if an adult intervened - it should be worse. In no case, in no case, when interfering with a fight to punish someone alone, it is impossible to get up to the role of an arbitrator: who first began, and he moved - this is the thing is endless, then you will have to constantly work with an arbitration judge.
There is a capacious name of this pedagogical reception: "Sing in one boat", even if you know who is to blame.
If children understand that it is not beneficial to anyone that the mother or nanny come to understand, the number of episodes will decline, and if the affected by the victim, it will be in appearance, the search for the guilty, then it will be like a snowball, more and more.
If the child hits mom
Situation: a small child in response to some ban on hysterics throws with fists to mom. Not that in a fight, of course, but waving cams in sobs. How to behave correctly?It is just a behavior inherent in critical development periods when the most negativity. The way parents react depends on their educational approach in general.
Liberal parents who are afraid to limit creative freedom of personality Trying to minimally limit any manifestations of the feelings and desires of the child, in particular and aggressive. And if mom is passed and confused to look, saying what you are doing, then it seems to me that this is not a completely normal parent response.
That is, this is one of the first borders that the child needs to master when he began to speak, actively enter the world: what on an adult and the younger and girl, for example, you can not raise your hand.
This border itself does not occur in the mind of the child. It requires a peculiar pressure and work from an adult. And there are things that need to forbid children, as mentioned above - calmly and with the authorities. In general, the child who can raise his hand to mom, then it is necessary to calmly (this is the key point, and if there is no calmness - it is not necessary to do anything), Catch your child's hand and say that you can not beat your mother, you can not beat adults.
"You can beat the peers, but you can not mother, because your mother is not a peer and not a girlfriend." It is necessary to convey to the consciousness of the child that parents do not offend, but they raise, even if it is sometimes offensive.
Usually cams are a lot of those who do not know how to express their feelings with words. Words end, begin to teach actions.
From the very beginning to teach the child to express their feelings with the words.
For example, he hits the peer, and does not want to stop. Instinctive Momin Answer - Creek.But instead of a scream in response, you need to say: "You're very angry and even want to hit me." Thus, you are following the feelings in the words that he can still do it. And you intercept, but do not allow anyway, the border must be.
If the Drachun is not thrown, then good way - This is Time Out, temporary termination of contact and communicating with the child.
Time Out is not a punishment, but a passage. At this time, you should send a child to your room or a special highchair - a bench of the penalties with the words: "You will sit here until you come to yourself."
The child lives very quickly, quickly forgets, but it is necessary to be able to put up even with young children.
It happens that the adult continues to impact, and the child is still different in the other time.
You need to be able to put a point; After all, there are still verbal aggression, something like, and you, nasty mom, go away. It should be all disassembled in neutral time, and not when the child behaves badly.
Because when he waves his cams in the process, he does not hear, access to it is closed. Time is small, no day, not two, and an hour, two, to come and say that you don't have to wave fists on my mother, why did you do it, because you love your mother. He really loves mom. The little child happens that at first he waves his cam, and in a minute she wakes like a kitten.
It is necessary to maintain one positive, affectionate behavior and cutting the other.
When mom supports children's aggression
I quote the mother of a seven-year-old boy: "Oh, our alik is so angry, so beats others. We have been known for a long time, but what can you do ... "pronounce pride and smile. What can be done? (For a start probably, you need to take mom to a psychologist?)It is necessary to understand which subtext, mom really needs to be sent to a psychologist, as it is in the question. Because in this episode there is such a thing: the fact that, apparently, is not profitable to mom, in fact she likes.
Here is the discrepancy between the text and the subtext. The child feels the inner mother's pride for his actions. Why do you need a boy's mom - you can only guess.
It happens that dad is very soft and she sees a man in a breeding boy, it happens that she likes, what kind of child is extraordinary, different can be causes.
But if an adult negative behavior of a child internally supports, it is useless to fight him, because the output on the face.
It happens, parents say that he is so unmanaged, such an extraordinary person, and admiration is also heard. This is the option when it is useless to do anything. Or dad, which is included in the upbringing, is proud of the uncontrollability of the boy says that he is the same as I, and I made my way. Any specialists, nannies, the included mom is useless, because the child at the domestic level is confirmed by its behavior strategy. And he will behave this way.
Seeing the child's behavior in the family, an adult must be wondering:
a) why and why he behaves like that,
b) who in an extended family, except for the child, such behavior is beneficial and necessary, such a paradoxical question.
And only the third question - what can you do about it?
And the last thing you can say about bad behavior.
Disobedience - like a children's allergy, begins with something one.
If bad behavior gives rise to punishment and bright emotional mom's reaction, then the next time in the zone of bad behavior will get a larger circle of phenomena, moments, the mom's reaction will increase.Strengthening the negative reaction of parents strengthens the wrong behavior of the child.
The psychologist usually falls in such a situation when parents are already in this circle of punishments, prohibitions and screams, and the child for each of these items behaves wrong.
And there is only one paradoxical way out of a dead end: you need to find something good and start to praise.
So, on the one hand, the child needs the boundaries of behavior, clear boundaries, which is, and what is not, and on the other hand, it is necessary to support them and punishment with poor behavior does not work. Works deprivation of promotion.
And bad behavior needs to be systematized and classified.
There is such a thing as a regulatory conflict - this is the so-called rake, which every time "our pale friend" occurs.
Similar situations, for example, when dressing or at school charges, day-to-day, similar circumstances are a regulatory conflict. What can be very strongly tolding the life of the family, strengthen the negative when one yelling, the other is connected, you need to carefully see if there are such stereotypical regulatory conflicts, and understand why.
And the regulatory conflict is best to prejudice, change the current form of behavior, it is necessary to predict when your child comes the periods of disobedience. If an adult is ready for bad behavior, then his reaction is already interesting, the other is completely.
Usually bad behavior causes complex feelings from parents. This is such a Bermuda triangle, because the child does not listen and the parent thinks that he is a bad tutor, parent, because he does not cope with the child. There is a paradox here because to be good parent - It does not mean to have a child who always behaves perfectly, this is what we cannot influence, every year more and more. We can expand our spectrum of responses, reactions and be, as if ready to spawn, and do something more interesting. And most importantly, to remember, this is what screaming child - This is not a blow to your authority.
All people, even psychologists (shoemaker, always without boots), very talented parents, children shout, just because they are children, they have many critical periods, in addition, in children under 3.5 years old, the initiation is prevalent in the nervous system braking, generally need a calm, wise reaction to what we call bad behavior, and not blind alienation.
Photo - Photo Bank Laurie
Anger control. How not to spoil relationships with a child
It came 7 years old, and suddenly my shy quiet boy turned out to be the same furious choler like me. According to me, I will not say, for the years I learned to hide the inner atomic explosion, which is happening about the fourth millisecond annoying situation, and pour it into intentional, solid peace. Just know how to live with it.
I'll tell you without a bill, because a period is very important for me, it is very important to cope with it correctly.
I will do what I want!
The situation is the first, a couple of days ago. Danilych plays, agreed that he would finish at 6 to dine and make lessons. Usually without problems, and here I woke up something new.
- Danila, go to dinner.
- I want to play again.
- Danila, we agreed. Now 6 pm. I cooked dinner. Go dinner, please.
- Will not go!
- Danila! I said go to dinner!
- I will not go, I will do what I want!
Inside the storm. One, intelligent and weathered side, reflexes: "Some crisis. He moves the borders. Disgusts itself the right to solve himself. " The second, human, panic "So he will sit on the neck. You need to keep borders. Need to appreciate. Discipline and order. Parent authority. " The second wins, raise the voice:
- If you do not know how to keep the contract, I will not negotiate with you anymore! Adults keep the contract if you consider yourself an adult, do, as promised!
- I will not! I will eat sweets, not your dinner!
- You eat sweets for dessert. And now you eat dinner!
Resorts, grabs sweets. Stay, select. Inside already full of irritation, a wave of guilt for the threats and a selection, at the same time wave of rabies for non-measure. He runs away, shouting on the run "you are a stupid fool!" In the room and slaps the door.
I exhale. I do not want to descend to this level, although I want to break terribly and pour dinner on your head. But somehow escaped, in the hope that the thought would come, how to cope, gone to do lessons with Tessa.
He served in the room, came to the kitchen.
- Give me dinner!
- I will not talk in such a tone.
- Give me dinner, I said!
- Give dinner! I leave this home!
- It will be a big grief.
"If you give me dinner, I will not leave."
- Danila, I'm your mom. I do not work for blackmail. The way you talk is unacceptable. Are you angry with me, that I did not give you to play next?
- But it does not give you the right to call. We do not do that in the family. We will not have such relations in the family. Do you want to dinner?
- Can you say calmly?
- Give me, please dinner.
- Okay. Eat.
Waited until it was. Then sat closer, to level, talk.
- Are you cooled?
- Did you like how we swear?
- I want to tell you one important thing. Nobody nor an adult nor a child will call me. I will forgive it now, because you are a child, you are my child, you were angry and mistaken. But if it repeats again, I will not fail. I warn you. Did you hear me?
"I am also very angry, so I have a straight wave of fire inside." Do you have this way?
- But you need to learn to cope with this. This is a difficult thing, but you will learn.
- And you also shout.
- Yes, shout. And not proud of himself. But I try my best, and I do not call you a stupid fool, right? You can shout, clap the doors, angry - but it is impossible to call and hurt. This is called "Anger Management". We will learn to manage?
Nods, climbs on the handle hugging.
I will not go to sleep!
Situation two, today. I asked to teach him to tie the laces. Sat down to learn. Looks like a choleric: with screams, throwing boots, rubbing tears and attempts again and again, accompanied by wild angrily and rabies. There is time to go to bed.
"Let's finish this, tomorrow they are practicing yet."
- I want to tie a shoelace!
- I understand, but not to learn in one day. You got very good. Tomorrow they are practicing yet. It's time to sleep now.
- I will not go to sleep. I will sit here and tie the shoelaces.
- It's already too late. Today we have finished.
- Not finished! I'm not going anywhere.
- Danila, what are we with you, will we swear again?
- I will not go!
- I'm waiting for you upstairs, go to brush your teeth and in the shower.
- Will not go!
Silently, I pull my shoes from him and throwing angrily into another room.
- Aaaa! Why did you threw! You ... You ... So I now want to talk to you bad words!
- Well done that you stay. I know that you are very hard now, but I want you to go to the shower.
- I will not go to the shower!
- Danila! Quickly in the shower!
Runs into his room, shines loudly by the door. Oret because of the door "Leave! Do not come to me! " I bring to him under these screams of water and leaving.
I went to the shower, put the teles, I hear because of the door:
- Give me a hug.
I go, I sit on the bed.
- Are you cooled?
"It seems to me that we coped with you today much better."
- But we shouted.
- Well, we did not call, it is already huge progress. You restrained. Are you ready to talk now?
- What do you think we could do differently?
- How not to scream?
- Well, sometimes it is impossible not to scream. But maybe I could do something differently?
- Do not throw boots.
- OK. And what do you think, if I did not insist, so that you immediately went, and would you suggest you another 10 minutes, would you be able to compromise with me and negotiate?
- Yes, probably. I dont know. All as you say, and I am very angry.
- Do you want you to solve yourself?
- Yes, I'm already an adult. I want to do as I want.
- But adults come so that everyone is good. Now you imagine if I did not come to pick you up to school, but I went to meet friends, because I wanted so much, and you would sit there until the night. Would you like?
- But I do as an adult. I do as important for you, not just for me. I try to find a compromise with you. I try to avoid so that we swear like this.
- Yes. You will learn, just not immediately. We will get together with you. I also sometimes need to manage it. Let's hug.
"I need to go to the shower only."
How to learn to resolve conflicts
I do not know how correctly. I know how I definitely do not want to break through the knee, proving violence and blackmail that I can, that home. I know what I want to keep, through all conflicts and the inevitable division of the territory feeling that I am on his side. And when you on your own choice limited ourselves from a few ways, the only one visible way to me is not through the separation, but through the union.
We. Against our conflicts, together. Against unmanaged anger, together. The fact that we are breeding in rabies in different rooms, against affect, anger, alienation. I am a conductor who is not frightening his emotions (inside frightened, of course, but I am fastened). I am stronger than his demons, stronger than his demons, and I know that we will win.
We are at the same time, here for this thread we go on dark corridors of crises. Together we are looking for ways, without frightening each other, not searched, in the stream of emotions, like a mad puppy.
Tessa, who does not like these loud clashes, squeezing shoulders, draws.
- Mom, why did Danil so scandalite?
- He has a crisis, children sometimes happen. He wants to grow and be adult, and does not know how.
- And I was also like this in 7 years?
- It was a thing.
- It is not easy - to be a mom.
Yes baby. Not easy. But it is believed that everything is correct. Never this boy who hardly speaks of feelings, did not speak with me so consciously. We really have tremendous progress with him.
!
My almost 4-year-old daughter has some stereotypes of behavior. For example, you call you to eat, be sure to cry "I will not", "I will not go." And so with cleaning teeth, go to bed. Tortured in different ways: in a good call, scream, ignore. No results. Almost always this cry and after my 10th reminder, the child comes or I go after her. How is it worthwhile in this situation? "
"But I wonder if the boy is three years old, the only son, a hot-loved parents, grandparents very often hysterite in an even place - is it the same" "crisis of the 3rd years"? And what to do with it?"
I will answer deployed, since similar questions are interested in many. And in fact, the answers are also the same.
Three to four years is the age of formation of a person, the age of separating the child from parents. My 4-year-old son behaves similarly :) And yes, this is the so-called "crisis of three years"
"I will not", "I will not go" - this is a check of borders where you can insist on your own and not do, and where it will still have. At this age, I already want to manage the child at this age, feel that the world is conquering him, and it chooses the most accessible ways - non-interference, refusal behavior, objections. The child does not know how to insist in his own way, and our task is to show him ways. And we only confirm his opinion - it is necessary to prove your scream ...
With our son sometimes comes to funny - we know what he wants to go for a walk, but when you say to dress - "I will not", to the question - "why" - "I don't know"
What we use: sometimes a standard reaction (when you forget that it does not work) - to prove, insist, ignore. And, as always. It does not work...
Or the child comes into just a refusal of everything, inflates and wants nothing, or I (husband) are beginning to be angry and get lost from the eternal question "what to do".
But if such an approach, I call it "prognising-ignoring-help" - works almost always:
- First, pronouncing the situation: "I (we) love you very much (love), but if you don't come to clean your teeth now, then you will not go to sleep now. Mom and dad go to sleep, you sit, wait until you want to brush your teeth. In our family, the rule: "brush your teeth before bedtime." Usually the Son immediately turns on "I don't want to sit! A-A-A. "Go to paragraph 2.
- Shattered one (important - one) times, you ignore the further actions of the child - hysterics, screams, the told "I do not want" and "I will not" until you see that he calmed down and is ready for a dialogue. At this time, you continue to deal with everyday affairs, you can start training to sleep and gather to go to bed (in the context of the example above). In the process of execution of the second point, the child may come to his mother, ask to hug - then hug, intend, tell me again that you love it, but about the situation - not a word. At this age, he already understands everything perfectly.
- When the child calmed down, ask you "to help you ... (clean my teeth, for example)?". Usually, if you correctly determined the moment, your baby will do what he refused, calmly, while making the conclusions that the parent is still the most important that hysterics do not lead to the result and that there are certain rules that he will have to do. And at the same time you will not "break" the emerging will of the child.
Mandatory rules in this situation:
- one opinion and behavior of both moms and dads
- patience and patience again
- it is advisable to sit down and register-speak mandatory intramearial rules, the execution of which is necessary. And fulfillment should be from all family members (especially parents)
- no aggression - calm tone and friendly behavior
- remember that this is normal that the child matures that you need to remain "wise adults" that we love it anyway.
P.S. Last year, I spent a webinar on this topic - the "three-year crisis", you can download the entry of the audio and the presentation of this webinar by entering your e-mail and the form in the form below.
