A child hits his parents in the face. How to react if a baby hits mom and dad in the face? What is the reason for a child's aggressive behavior? What to do in this situation

Every parent wants to raise his child to be a friendly and polite person. But many parents of babies who can’t even speak yet notice that their little one, when he doesn’t agree with something, hits mom and dad in the face with his little hands. He still does not accept the arguments that his parents are in pain. It’s rare that a parent leaves this child’s behavior unattended; many quietly give “change” with the words: “Oh, you little brawler, it’s on you too!” But this is the wrong method of education, as parents nurture the child’s bad inclinations, of course, out of good intentions.

one year old Baby punches mom and dad in the face to understand how conflicts of interest occur and how conflicts are resolved. Having hit him in the face, he carefully looks into the eyes of the parent and studies how he will behave in such a situation. If mom or dad, pleased with the courage of the little ones, smile, then the baby perceives this as praise and decides for himself: by using force, you can become good. Even at this age, a child cannot explain in words to his parents what he wants. And so, when his parents insist that he act differently from what he intended, he becomes indignant, kicks and throws toys. There is no need to be afraid of this child’s behavior and there is no need to punish him.

It is very important in this age let the child understand that mom and dad are people just like him, they also get hurt and sad. In a serious voice, try to explain to your child that this is not the right thing to do and that his action has greatly upset you. As a punishment, stop playing with him or reading him a story. Seeing that you are upset and offended by him, the baby will not act like that next time. Even though your child is still very young, it is time to teach him to restrain his feelings. If, expressing his anger, the baby kicks his legs and throws toys, then hug him tightly and hold him like that until he calms down. The baby will kick a little, cry and start playing again as before. This way you will help him turn his anger into tears and the child will understand that anger can be overcome without showing aggression, but simply by sharing problems with his parents.

So that the child does not grow up aggressive, from a young age he must be taught compassion. For example, if a child tears off the wings of a butterfly or drags a cat by the tail, there is no need to scold him or hit him in the arms. Here you need to act in such a way that the child himself realizes that he has caused harm and sincerely regrets it. For example, tell him that the butterfly flew home to her children, and now his children are left without a mother. Invite your child to imagine what he will feel if, just like a cat, he is dragged by the legs by older children. If parents each time ignore the child’s bad attitude not only towards pets, but also towards other children or relatives, then the child’s aggressiveness and cruelty will become entrenched, and in adolescence they will become habitual in his behavior.

Unfortunately, only instructions educate a kind child is impossible. In 90% of cases, children copy the behavior of their parents. Even small children are very sensitive to any falsehood, and if mom or dad are rude to their parents, constantly quarrel with each other, fight and show disrespect to elders, then rest assured that the child will do the same. And if a mother constantly tells her child about the need to be polite and kind, but she herself yells at him, gossips with her friends and swears obscene words in the presence of the child, then her upbringing is worthless.

Therefore, in order to prevent aggressive the child’s relationship with his parents, you need to reconsider your behavior from the day he is born: learn to treat others with respect, say hello and communicate with neighbors, not sort things out among yourself and not discuss the actions of people close to you in the presence of children. Aggressive children most often grow up in families where the father or mother severely punish the child for any offense. Children who suffered greatly in childhood from parental violence, in adolescence, take out their aggression on other children. And if such a child is left without parental supervision, then when he gets into a group of older children, he can do things so monstrous in their cruelty that parents cannot even imagine how their child is capable of such things.

Every day on TV they show us examples cruelty of modern teenagers. They brutally beat, rape and mutilate their peers, film it all on video and post it on the Internet. It seems to us that we have reached the peak of teenage cruelty and aggression. In fact, children are our reflection. The roots of teenage cruelty lie in the inattention and indifference of modern parents.

Today in many families there is no parental authority, spouses are more busy figuring out the relationship between themselves and making money. Children who could not reach the heart of mom or dad in other ways often become aggressive. This is their revenge on their parents for their lack of love. And the specific recipe for properly raising a child is very simple: spend 2 times less money and 2 times more time on children.

Source:
How to react if a child hits his mother
How to react if a baby hits mom and dad in the face? What is the reason for a child's aggressive behavior?
http://meduniver.com/Medical/Psixology/v_chem_prichina_agressivnogo_povedenia_rebenka.html

Very often, young children hit their parents (most often their mother, since she is always nearby). And this happens for a variety of reasons, which are most often explained by age-related changes.

It is worth noting that children often copy the behavior of adults, exactly repeating their behavior pattern.. Therefore, if a child hits mom or dad, you need to pay attention to yourself, first of all. If there is violence towards each other in the house, then it will not be surprising that the child will copy this model of relationships.

It is also worth paying attention to what films and videos are watched in front of the child. Videos of a mother beating a child, videos of adults fighting with each other, even if all this is shown in the context of some kind of film (drama or action film), can cause the development of unmotivated aggression, which is quite problematic to nullify without the help of child psychologists.

Most often, a child hits his mother in the face when he is still a baby.. During this period of time, the baby is not yet aware of what he is doing, and patting the cheeks, although painful for the mother, is perceived by him as a game.

It is very important from the first months of life to show the child what is acceptable and what is abnormal and wrong. And hitting a parent in the face is not the norm. When a baby slaps his mother in the face, you need to tell him in a fairly stern tone that this is wrong and not good. Despite the fact that babies under one year old cannot clearly express their thoughts in words, they understand their parents’ intonation very well.

Child psychologists note that after the first blow to the face, which was followed by verbal dissatisfaction from the mother or father, the child delivers a second blow in order to understand what exactly caused the negativity. At this moment, it is important to grab the baby’s palm or fist, pressing it to your face, stroking your cheek with your child’s hand. This tactile experience can be supplemented with words with explanations of what is good and what is not.

In a child, such a model will be clearly deposited in the consciousness, therefore, the older he is, the easier it will be to control and transform his aggression. Naturally, parents of a baby should also control themselves! Many mothers, from an overabundance of feelings, strive to bite or pinch the baby. Such a model is also deposited in memory and consciousness, which can lead to not the most pleasant consequences in the future.

During this period of time, children already perceive not only intonation quite well, but also the meaning of what their parents tell them. Unfortunately, children do not yet know how to control their emotions and aggression, so they express them in all available ways. Including a fight.

A one-year-old child hits his mother in the face not in order to hurt or unpleasant her, but simply because he does not yet know how to express his emotions differently. And at this moment it is important to show and say that fighting is bad, that you can’t do that. At the same time, you can convey the idea to the child in different ways: take him off your hands, cry, change the intonation of your voice to a more threatening one.

You definitely shouldn't hit your baby back, even if only slightly. First of all, you can't fight! This is exactly what you need to teach a child, and the easiest way to do this is by your own (adult) example. Secondly, there is always a risk of scaring an overly impressionable child, after which his nervous system may fail.

Nursery teachers strongly recommend using the “corner” punishment as a clear demonstration of “what is bad and what is not possible.” The kid is put in a corner, explaining why exactly he is being punished. And in the case of a fight, when a child (1.5 years old) hits his mother, this will be the most “useful” punishment. Even if the kids are not too assiduous and it is quite difficult to keep them in the corner, this method is very effective.

Very often a two-year-old child hits his mother when he freaks out, is nervous and is dissatisfied with something.. During this period of time, psychologists recommend speaking in a calm tone so that the baby gets the main idea - doing this is bad. If a child is hit in the face, arms, or stomach, you must definitely point out to him that this is painful and unpleasant for mom or dad, and then use a child’s hand to stroke the site of the hit. Over time, this tactic will lead to the fact that instead of aggression, the baby will express affection towards his parents.

It is not uncommon for a 2-year-old child to hit his mom or dad due to excess energy. In this case, you need to properly plan his day, where sufficient time will be allocated for active and active games. This is especially true for restless and hyperactive children who cannot sit in one place for a long time. In addition, you need to set aside enough time for quiet games and activities that will develop diligence.

Children who attend kindergarten often face internal child conflicts. And many kids solve their childhood and, by their standards, serious problems with the help of fights and assault.

At home, this line of behavior persists when the child cannot get what he wants or in a fit of aggression and anger. If a 3-year-old child hits his mother out of anger, then it is worth redirecting such negative energy into something more peaceful and useful. For example, buy a toy punching bag and gloves, showing the baby that you can take out your anger on it (the punching bag), but not on mom and dad. This method is effective on both girls and boys. Taking out energy and aggression on an inanimate object that is intended to be hit actually leads to the fact that fighters are less and less likely to use their fists in public.

If a child of 4 years old beats his mother or father in cases where he cannot get what he wants, then you should definitely punish the child. Don’t hit back or let this behavior pass, but punish it - get offended and stop talking, put it in a corner or take away your favorite toy for a certain agreed time (for example, until the child realizes what he is wrong about and until he apologizes for it).

A child (5 years old) who hits his mother or father most often requires attention to his person. And he should be given this attention - first with a dialogue about why he allows himself to fight with his parents. Having learned the reason for this behavior from the mouth of the baby himself, it is easier to choose an approach to him, negating such attacks of assault.

Very often parents cannot understand why a child hits mom or dad.. And if in preschool age this is most often a manifestation of emotions that children cannot always express in words, then younger schoolchildren fight quite consciously. The main reason is anger or aggression, formed by some kind of parental prohibitions.

If a child of 11 years old hits his mother, then he should not get away with such behavior. What to do in this case? First of all, conduct an educational conversation in dialogue mode in order to understand what exactly the child is not happy with and what justifies his behavior. After this, it is imperative to punish in a mild form of non-contact “violence” (remove your favorite book, magazine or toy).

Particularly active children-fighters should definitely enroll in sports clubs, where they will throw out their aggression, excess energy and replace raging hormones with ordinary physical fatigue. Best suited for fighters: swimming, running, outdoor games (football, basketball, volleyball and others).

Source:
How to behave if a child hits his mother
What to do if a child hits his mother? It is imperative to understand the reason for such aggression and carry out prevention to prevent the child from beating his mother.
http://moeditya.com/razvitie/vospitanie/rebenok-bet-mamu

The baby fights and hits his mother in the face: what to do?

No matter how much you surround your child with love and affection, your baby will still hit you someday - accidentally or intentionally. How should you react correctly when a baby hits its mother in the face, and how to behave with the baby so that this does not happen again?

At first, the baby hits his mother in the face and thereby causes pain not on purpose, but gradually his actions become conscious. The child fights with loved ones and children, thereby expressing his emotions.

Of course, your reaction to the first case should be correct and pedagogical. After all, if in response to a painful blow you simply smile, the baby will learn that “punishment” gives you pleasure. In order for the baby to understand that hitting his mother is wrong, you will need to do consistent educational work.

In the first year, a child is just learning to communicate with others and gradually learns the rules of interaction with people. The child cannot understand them on his own, so your goal is to explain to him every minute what actions are allowed and what is prohibited. It is important to approach this issue carefully and seriously. If a child hits his mother or loved ones, offends pets or fights in the sandbox, you must strictly suppress such behavior. There should be no “discounts” for unreasonable age, otherwise the baby will learn in the first year that such actions are acceptable and will always behave aggressively.

First of all, you must teach your baby to express emotions correctly. If the baby hits you, unable to cope with the positive emotions that overwhelm him, grab your hand, wait until the child calms down and demonstrate that the mother needs to be hugged and stroked. To consolidate the result, repeat the steps with close and large soft toys.

When your child fights because he is angry, you need to redirect his anger into tears. Hold your baby tightly in your arms so that he cannot harm you, and wait until his irritation turns into crying, and then calm him down. The child will soon understand that anger can be expressed differently, and will stop being so aggressive.

In the first year, you must help your baby cope with unstable emotions and direct them in the right direction. The child still does not understand well what he feels and how to react to these sensations, and your task is to teach him to correctly free himself from this.

To avoid the manifestation of aggressive behavior in an infant due to frequent prohibitions, you need to reduce the percentage of the word “no” in your communication with the baby. Move things he shouldn't touch up high and make the area as secure as possible. If your baby behaves badly in the store, go there without him, leaving him under the supervision of other mothers with strollers, or move the “shopping” time to the evening, when your loved ones who have returned from work can replace you at home.

For “forbidden” activities, you must definitely look for an alternative replacement that will suit both you and your baby:

• if he likes to play with your keys, and you are afraid that he will lose them, “make” your baby his own set of keys from old locks;
• if the baby enthusiastically clicks door handles and locks, attach old or inexpensive locks to plywood and let the baby play with them for his own pleasure;
• For a baby who loves to jump on the sofa, you can arrange a safe corner where a one-year-old child can jump to his heart’s content without the risk of injury.

To prevent the baby from growing up aggressive, it is important to teach him compassion in time. When a child hits you, a loved one, or an innocent animal, you must explain to him that he acted badly and caused pain to a living creature. Tell your child as emotionally as possible how a person feels when he was hit, and try to get the child to regret what he did.

Monitor your behavior and that of your loved ones. After all, a child can simply copy someone’s behavior. Having noticed that his parents do not respect their elders, swear, beat each other, the child will repeat what he saw, considering this to be the norm. Also, a baby can copy the behavior of an older brother or sister, a baby from the sandbox who fights and is never punished for it. Think about whether there is a reason for the child’s aggressive behavior in others, and try to correct the situation.

Russia, Chekhov

But this doesn't help us. He hits even harder, but he doesn’t seem to feel any pain. If I lock him in the room, he comes out, if I close myself, he tries to break down the door. Nothing helps at all. Moreover, he hits him on the head, face with his fists, and sometimes takes something in his hands and hits him. If I simply don’t let him come to me, then he throws everything he can get his hands on at me, and then starts doing out of spite what I forbid him: pulling out sockets, trying to break the TV, or knocking over plates of food. A total nightmare...

08/08/2016 00:00

Rin Ukraine, Zaporozhye

My daughter also tried to fight at one time. I got my hands hurt a couple of times and the desire disappeared, but I always told her that mom doesn’t hit, but punishes her if she doesn’t respond to verbal comments. And indeed, if you always say that a child is small and lisp too much, then he will never grow up.

19/06/2016 00:45

Ukraine

Thank you for this answer, I will not feel so bad that I have to try this method. But in our case it’s really _impossible_ to _explain_ something to a one and a half year old child. The answer is complete ignorance or unwillingness to understand. And aggression. And I’m tired of enduring and walking around covered in bruises. :(In the end, mom is also a person and has the right to self-defense.

08/01/2014 17:50

Russia Moscow

There can be no two opinions regarding the treatment of children with animals. Strictly prohibit uncontrolled communication. They communicate - you look ready to resolve the situation. You must teach your child how to handle animals. He must know what is possible and what is not. When you are unable to monitor, the animal and child should be isolated. For this, there are different rooms or a cage in which your pet will temporarily sit until the child grows up. We have two dogs. When the child began to crawl and could no longer sit in the playpen, he was released, and the dogs were placed in a huge cage. Around the year he was introduced to them. Now he is 1 year and 9 months old. He communicates well with dogs. As races on dogs, we learned to communicate without aggression, not to hurt. And they helped me on the street, making sure I didn’t run away. But the cage is still needed to give the dogs a break from the little robber. But with cats it is more difficult because the cat does not live in a pack and will not tolerate familiarity. She will definitely defend herself. And you are putting your child at great risk. If in the case of a dog you teach both of them, then with a cat you teach only the child. Make it so that your cat can live quietly in a house where the child will not reach until he grows up.

08/08/2013 11:18

Russia Moscow

Lena Turkmenistan, Ashgabat, I would paraphrase you: what is possible for a child, what is possible for a mother, because you are not the first to start. And if you don’t show the child how others feel, then speculative verbal conclusions remain, which are not effective at all (these are developmental psychologists, not me).

07/03/2013 10:52

Russia, Kazan

My daughter is one and a half years old, she started hitting, biting and pinching me around 7-8 months old, and then it only got worse, she tore out all my hair. I tried to knock back, but she just laughed and hit again. He fights with everyone and hits other children on the street. And how does the cat get it? She has already scratched all her daughter’s hands, but her daughter still climbs on her. Doesn't react to the words "no" and "hurt"! Otherwise she is a normal child. I do not know what to do!

14/02/2013 05:43

Russia, Apatity

Lena Turkmenistan, Ashgabat, unfortunately other methods are not very effective.. After I bit my son, he didn’t bite anymore. When I hit him, I didn’t hit him, he’s still fighting. Although I tried a lot of methods. The trouble is that this is not aggression, but a test of “what if..”

13/02/2013 13:32

Lena Turkmenistan, Ashgabat

“Hit back” means lightly hitting the hand in response or spanking. This is not true. After all, children copy the behavior of their parents. And in this way you demonstrate to the child that hitting is a completely acceptable way to express your dissatisfaction. What is not allowed for a child is not allowed for a mother either.

21/06/2011 22:24

Belarus, Minsk

My child is 3 years old. From the age of 5 months she tried to hit me in the face, but I stopped her movements and became very “angry” with my face, which helped. At 1.5 years old I tried to hit her, but I just left her alone and said that I wouldn’t play. It also happens at three years old, but more because of insults. Children check us all the time))). If a child feels the love of his parents, then these are isolated cases of aggression.

10/02/2011 23:25

You are talking about 2 years, but my son is 10 months old and he also has to be carefully “educated.” When I was younger and my first teeth were coming in, I was amused by the way he rubbed his gums on my chin or shoulder. Now he has 6 teeth, but the habit of biting his mother remains. I understand that this is not on purpose, but sometimes it bites so much that you don’t want anything! I will scream, and he will smile - and again! Well, sometimes you have to give it on a soft spot (considering the layer of diaper, it is really soft :)), but only immediately after the bite, in order to develop a “reflex”. It happens that he bites again in response, and I am not in debt. Then tears and a terribly offended face. But a second later he bites again, but only on a T-shirt! Does he understand? Of course he understands! If you have itchy teeth, please, the T-shirt is at your disposal, but you are forbidden to gnaw your mother “to the point.” If you start raising him from such a “tender age,” then, I think, at 2 years old you won’t have to write such letters to the doctor.
ZY Of the entire assortment of rodents and plastic toys purchased, not one of our guys liked the role of a massager...

10/02/2011 22:50

Sometimes you have to give back. I think the doctor is right. No one says that if a child tries to bite you out of an excess of love (we had this happen for about a year), you need to bite him back with all your might. But if a two-year-old was not given candy (a toy, a cartoon), and attempts to explain the reason are followed by biting (throwing, hitting with anything), then this should be punished. Here they suggested putting him on a chair - with a more calm child it may be effective, but I can only hold mine (2 years and 3 months) in a chair with the help of tape. To me, this seems inhumane :) (for the same reason, a corner is also not an option.) Regarding moral punishments, maybe I’m wrong, of course, but for some reason it seems to me that just before the age of three, it’s more logical to act physically. What seems logical to us adults is mysterious and inexplicable to a child. You were bitten, but you don’t talk to him: where is the logic? Is he talking to you? I tried to experiment - it turned out to be garbage. The child looks at me with huge eyes, with universal resentment in his gaze, and does not completely understand why his mother does not want to play with him and turns away. And here it is not clear: if all this is curtailed at once, then the educational effect is zero, if the process drags on, explanations begin that this is why and therefore, then real hysteria begins. And it’s very difficult to calm him down after it, by the way. I think this is some kind of sadism. And when he bit, he was bitten back - it was unpleasant, of course, but everything was clear, and there were no hard feelings. In general, depending on the situation, you somehow manage to act. Even for the same act, there are different punishments: when to spank, when to scold, when to just scold lightly. He’s also a human being, he’s sometimes in a bad mood, he didn’t get enough sleep, something hurts, he had a bad day at kindergarten... but who knows what.

10/02/2011 18:07

Natalya, the method proposed by the doctor works not only in the sense that you will get a rebuff, but also “try it yourself, how nice it is.” When my daughter climbed towards the cat, I said, “Imagine if I pull your hair like you pull a cat’s tail. Do you like it? It hurts, doesn’t it?” I agreed. Hurt. Left behind the cat.
Most children experience a period of aggression, no matter how you raise them.

10/02/2011 15:36

I don’t agree with the doctor here. The attitude “the strong must be respected” has an underlying meaning - “but the weak can be beaten.” That is, in the future, the child, without meeting resistance, will fight with those who are weaker. From infancy, it is necessary to accustom a child to the fact that it is impossible to hurt: pulling the hair of others at 5-6 months (and many are so touched by this), hitting a mother or grandmother in the face, torturing a cat even while playing. The child does not know that it hurts, but can understand that it is “ah-ah-ah, bad, impossible” and that after such actions the mother (father, brother, grandfather) will be offended and will not smile (play, make friends, etc.) . My opinion is that the reaction to aggression should be resentment, tears, emotions, but not physical action. Then the baby will not hit, so as not to get a negative reaction from the other, and not just fearing a blow in return. Of course, Makarenko’s success began with a blow to the first student, but, firstly, he was a juvenile criminal of about 14 years old, and secondly, Makarenko himself regretted this blow.

By the age of three, children begin to realize that the world around them is a huge space full of strangers, in which there is no beloved mother and protector father. At this age, the baby goes to kindergarten, where he is faced with a harsh reality. Not every child can fight back among children, let alone an adult.

At this age, changes occur in the baby’s character, which he himself is not able to control. Now he needs his parents' help especially badly.

A 1-year-old child fights – not funny!

For the first time, a child fights with mom or dad unconsciously. When a 1-year-old child hits his parents in the face with his palm, they do not experience pain. They are amused by the fact that the baby laughs boisterously, listening to the sound that his little hand makes. With all your appearance you show that his behavior is correct. Your thoughts are clear - what will a baby do to an adult? But are you doing the right thing? After all, with laughter and cheers you encourage the child to continue such actions. You should react to your baby's blows or bites correctly:

— Explain to your child that you are in pain in ways that are accessible to you and the child. Make a “sour face”, as if you are going to cry from pain or tell in words how unpleasant it is for you;

- Show how pleased you will be if the baby hugs you and strokes your face rather than hitting you.

The main thing is not to put restrictions and not to shout at the child, this will cause fear and the reaction will be the opposite. There should always be a fallback (alternative) action:

- Impact - stroking;

- Bite - kiss.

If I can’t, I’ll do it out of spite!

A small child is a truly uncontrollable creature who actively explores the world around him, and parents so want to protect him from trouble. Therefore, they very often put prohibitions and obstacles where they are not needed at all. The more prohibitions there are around, the more actively the feeling of contradiction grows in the soul of the little rebel. Taboos must be firm and clear. In addition, the reason for the ban can already be explained to a child of 2 years old. Let it be in simple, understandable words, but be sure to make it clear that it will hurt him if he falls from the chair on which he climbed with his feet. If a child tries to help you and grabs a broom, a ban cannot be set. Even to yourself you cannot explain the reason for this taboo. After all, his dirty hands will be washed, and the joy from the fact that he helped his mother will know no bounds.

You have limited the number of prohibitions, but your baby is trying to overcome you and do what he wants? He's just bored! Find something you can do together that interests your child. If a tomboy is running around the house after a cat, screaming and falling, go for a walk and let him “let off steam” in the yard with peers. Or sit him down next to him and read books about people who got into difficult situations because they didn’t listen to their mother. And even better - about cats who really like to lie on the rug and sleep, but they don’t like being grabbed by the tail and running after them around the apartment.

If you don't allow your child to do what he wants, but don't explain why he can't. If you don't offer an alternative activity, he becomes aggressive. This explains why a 2-year-old child beats his parents.

A child hits his parents - what to do?

This question has been tormenting mom and dad for some time while they are looking for a way out of this situation.

Some parents let this situation take its course. They think that this is a manifestation of age and that soon everything will go away on its own. Others hurt the child in return, believing that this way he will understand that he has hurt others. In each family this situation occurs differently. But there are several nuances, observing which the problem can be solved as painlessly as possible for both parties.

You can predict every next attempt to hit you. Prepare for impact. At the moment when the baby just raised his hand, intercept it and say in a stern, serious voice that you can’t do that. Don't create controversy or talk too much. Two or three short, clear words will be enough. Then just as calmly release the child’s hand, turn away from him and step aside. Most likely, the child will rush after you in search of consolation. Don’t push your child away; it’s better to ask why he does this. Calm your child down by distracting him from the current situation with a walk, book or cartoons.
Do not use forceful parenting methods on your child. Many mothers and fathers are sure that they beat their children for the purpose of education. So why is it possible for you, but not for a child, to demand the same obedience from you? If a child sees violence in the family, he strives to be like an adult and tries his best on those who will not offend him - his parents.
If a child of 3 years old beats his parents, then a grimace with tears will no longer convince him. He will immediately decide that they continue to play with him and will perceive the offense as the norm. If you have artistic abilities, try to “squeeze” real tears out of yourself. Most likely, the warrior will get scared and begin to calm his mother down and feel sorry for her. Just don't overdo it. After all, the child takes your experiences at face value and may burst into tears himself.

The worst thing in this situation is to miss the moment when everything can still be corrected. The sooner you sound the alarm and correct upbringing mistakes, the greater the chance that the child in the future will become a well-mannered person who respects his elders.

Never for showing aggression towards you. Let you be hurt, offended and ashamed (when this happens in public), there is nothing to scold your child for. After all, all these are omissions in the education that you give him. Maybe this is how he takes revenge for the fact that he is constantly in the kindergarten or with his grandparents, when he so wants to be close to his beloved mom and dad. Usually children, deprived of the attention and care of their parents, attract attention to themselves in this way. If he sits quietly in the corner and plays with toys, then no one will notice him at all. And if a child squeals and fights, the whole house pays attention to him. Think about it, maybe the reason is precisely the loneliness of the little creature?

Hello, here you definitely need to figure out why your child is showing aggression. After all, the main reasons for childhood aggression are indifference and criticism from parents, the use of physical punishment and insults in education. Also, young children very often copy characters from famous cartoons and films. Sometimes parents do not notice the beginnings of aggressive manifestations in their children (children at an early age bite their parents or throw objects when angry). And by about three years of age, such aggression can be redirected towards peers.

Mostly children conflict in order to express themselves, to show their dominance, and some simply do not know how to communicate. Therefore, they can hit you on the head with a toy, bite, or push. Later, as they grow older, they will, of course, learn to control themselves and their emotions, as well as internalize social norms.

What to do? It is very good if parents turn out to be wise and offer the child other ways to express his state at the time of aggression: you can beat a pillow, tear paper, play games where the child will either fight with a negative character or impersonate him. If you don’t do this, the emotion will “go inside” and subsequently manifest itself in the form of stubbornness and disobedience. .

If you still did not have time to switch the baby and caught him in a situation where he hits the child, try to intercept the blow, stop the child’s hand. Explain to him that the other will be hurt and he will cry. If the blow has already happened, say that the child was hurt, show how upset he was and cried. You need to not just say that you can’t fight, but explain why (because it hurts, it’s unpleasant).

Offer your child another way out of the situation: what did you want to ask him? This can be done with words, not with fighting. If your child pushes or hits just like that, show how you can interact: don’t hit, but hug, stroke, take the hand, touch lightly. Typically, small children will stop and begin to gently stroke the other's head. If your baby continues to fight, take pity on the offended child and take yours away. Take him in your arms and carry him a few meters away from the offended person. It is necessary to show that in this way the game will not stick together, that children who fight play independently.

Children's aggressiveness usually increases throughout preschool age and declines only by the first grade. Psychologists attribute this to the fact that by this age the child already knows how to resolve conflicts in a different way; he already has experience of “letting off steam” in play situations. All the best!

Why do many parents actively use physical force on their children? The reasons behind this phenomenon are quite deep. But physical punishment, being extremely harmful, can be replaced by much more effective and humane alternatives.

Some argue that “You need to spank a child before he grows up”. And this is a tribute to tradition. After all, in Rus', birch rods were an integral element of education. But today everything has changed, and physical punishment is equivalent to medieval executions. True, for many this question is important and remains open.

Key reasons for using physical punishment in the educational process

A huge number of parents use force in raising their children and do not think about the consequences this may provoke. It is customary for them to fulfill their parental duty, generously giving their children slaps on the head. Moreover, to maintain discipline, an object of intimidation - a belt, etc. - is often hung in a visible place.

What are the reasons for such furious medieval cruelty among modern mothers and fathers? There are several reasons:

• Hereditary causes. Most often, parents take out their own childhood grievances on their child. Moreover, such a father or mother usually does not realize that there is an upbringing without violence. Their confidence that a slap on the head reinforces the spoken educational words in a child is unshakable;
• Lack of desire, as well as time, to raise a child, conduct lengthy conversations, explain why he is wrong. After all, it is much faster and easier to hit a child than to sit down with him and talk about his misdeeds, to help him understand his own wrong;
• Lack of even basic knowledge about the process of raising children. Parents pick up a belt only out of despair and not knowing how to cope with the “little monster”;
• Venting out resentment and anger for one’s own failures, previous and current. Often parents beat their own child only because there is no one else to lash out at. The salary is meager, the boss is cruel, the wife does not listen, and there is also a harmful child spinning under your feet. And the parent slaps the butt for it. Moreover, the louder the child cries and the more afraid the father is, the more the father will blame the child for his own problems and failures. After all, a person needs to at least feel his own power and authority in front of someone. And the worst thing is when there is no one to stand up for the child;
• Mental disorders. There are also parents who simply need to shout, spank their child, or start a showdown for no apparent reason. Next, the parent reaches the required condition, hugs the baby to himself and cries with him. Such mothers and fathers need the help of a doctor.

What is physical punishment?

Experts consider physical punishment not only the direct use of brute force to influence a child. In addition to belts, towels, slippers, slaps on the head, punishment in the corner, tugging on arms and sleeves, ignoring, force feeding or not feeding, etc. are used. But in any case, one goal is pursued - to cause pain, to demonstrate power over the child, to show him his place.

Statistics: Most often, children under 4 years of age are subjected to physical punishment, since they cannot yet hide, defend themselves, or be indignant with the question: “Why?”

Physical influence provokes a new wave of disobedience in the child, which, in turn, leads to a new surge in the parent’s aggression. Thus, the so-called cycle of domestic violence appears.

Consequences of physical punishment. Is it acceptable to hit a child?

Are there any benefits to physical punishment? Of course not. It is incorrect to say that the carrot has no effect without the stick and that a light beating can be useful in some situations.

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After all, any physical punishment results in consequences:

• Fear of the parent on whom the child directly depends (and at the same time loves). This fear develops over time into neurosis;
• Against the background of such neurosis, it is difficult for a child to adapt to society, find friends, and later, a significant other. This also affects your career;
• Children raised by such methods have extremely low self-esteem. The child remembers “the right of the strong” for the rest of his life. Moreover, he will use this right himself at the first opportunity;
• Regular spanking affects the psyche, causing developmental delays;
• Children who constantly concentrate on expecting punishment from their parents are unable to concentrate on lessons or games with other children;
• In 90% of cases, a child beaten by his parents will do the same to his own children;
• Over 90% of perpetrators were abused by their parents in childhood. Probably no one wants to raise a maniac or masochist;
• A child who regularly receives punishment loses his sense of reality, stops solving pressing problems, stops studying, experiences constant anger and fear, as well as a desire for revenge;
• With each blow, the child moves away from the parent. The natural connection between parents and children is disrupted. There will be no mutual understanding in a family with violence. Growing up, the child will cause many problems for tyrant parents. And in old age, parents face an unenviable fate;
• A punished and humiliated child is extremely lonely. He feels broken, forgotten, thrown to the sidelines of life and unnecessary to anyone. In such states, children are capable of doing such stupid things as going into bad company, smoking, drugs, or even suicide;
• When parents get into a frenzy, they often lose control of themselves. As a result, a child who has fallen under the hot hand risks receiving an injury, sometimes incompatible with life, if, after a cuff from a parent, he falls and hits a sharp object.

You can't hit children. There are effective alternatives

It must be remembered that physical punishment is a weakness, not a strength of parents, a manifestation of their failure. And excuses like “he doesn’t understand differently” remain just excuses. In any case, there is an alternative to physical violence. For this:

1. You should distract the child and switch his attention to something interesting.
2. Engage your baby in an activity that will make him want to be naughty and capricious.
3. Hug your baby and convince him of your love. Afterwards, you can spend at least a couple of hours of your own “precious” time with the baby. After all, the child lacks attention ( We also read: ).
4. Come up with new games. For example, you can collect scattered toys in two large boxes, first one. The reward could be a good bedtime story from mom or dad. And this will work better than a slap on the head or a cuff.
5. Use loyal methods of punishment (deprivation of a laptop, TV, going for a walk, etc.).

READ ALSO:

• To hit or not to hit? The story of a mother who is condemned by everyone -
• 8 loyal ways to punish children. How to properly punish a child for disobedience -
• 7 blunders of parents during quarrels with children -
• How not to punish a child -
• Is it necessary to punish a child at 3 years old: the opinion of parents and a psychologist -

It is important to learn how to get along with your child without punishment. There are a huge number of methods for this. There would be a desire, but you can always find an alternative. It is important for any parent to understand that children should absolutely not be beaten under any circumstances!

Why you shouldn't hit children. Parental self-control and physical punishment

Opinions from mommies from forums

Olga: My opinion is that you can’t be too strict. Because we begin to force ourselves into strict boundaries, and when we are not around, the children will begin to have a blast. Remember for yourself, you always begin to want even more what you can’t or don’t have. And we ourselves cannot always fall asleep, even if we really want to. To hit or not to hit?? I am against hitting, although I sometimes spank myself. Then I scold myself. I think that when we raise our hand to a child, we simply cannot cope with our emotions. You can just come up with a punishment. This is a corner for us. The little guy really doesn’t like standing there, he roars... But we have an agreement with him, if he’s placed there, until he calms down, I won’t come up to talk to him. And it stands until it cools down. The hardest thing is probably to find a punishment, because one method does not work for everyone.

Zanon2: don't hit, but punish! agree. but no hitting!

Beloslava: I also spank sometimes, but then I think I’ve lost my temper again, I can’t hit... I try to change the subject altogether if the psychos attack, usually this happens before nap time, but what depresses me most is that when a child is naughty and I swear, he says “hit.” .he still doesn’t speak in phrases. I explain that I love him and don’t want to beat him and won’t. I’m trying to restrain myself now, it seems like I’ve started to forget... And our dad also thinks that we should beat him... and there’s no way to convince him... he was in childhood beat...

Natalinka15: Yes, it’s a difficult topic, I try not to shout, but I don’t accept hitting a child at all, I try to negotiate. If I can’t calmly come to an agreement, then I leave my daughter alone for a while and just turn around and leave. Sometimes she reacts differently, sometimes she immediately calms down and sometimes she doesn’t. But when I leave, we both have time to think and calm down. In principle, it always works out, then everything can be resolved peacefully and we make peace.

Palms_to_the_Sun: That’s what I was thinking about...why do we, adults and parents, allow ourselves to hit our child if he gets out, acts as an irritant, if we can’t come to an agreement with him...and why don’t we spank adults who are completely different from us?.....after all, those They can also irritate, offend... after all, we think a hundred times before punching our opponent in the face. Also? we are afraid to act as an aggressor, we want to look civilized, smart and tolerant, and transfer the conflict to diplomacy. What about children then it doesn’t work for some?

Read also: How to raise children: carrot or stick? —

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