Same-sex marriages cause public outcry in modern society, which, in fact, refers to heterosexual. Same-sex marriages, which have already become commonplace in Europe and the USA, are causing protest and growth among ordinary people. Religious denominations see the legalization of same-sex unions as a direct threat to the traditional institution of the family.

What does same-sex marriage mean?

Marriage between people belonging to the same sex or gender is called same-sex marriage. The social positions or roles of "husband" and "wife" in such a marriage are replaced by "husband 1" and "husband 2". Same-sex unions were first officially recognized in the Netherlands in 2001. Such a marriage bears all the legal burden of a traditional one:

• the right to jointly acquired property;
• alimony in case of divorce (in those countries where, along with the legalization of marriage, adoption and raising children are allowed);
• common surname for two;
• medical and social insurance;
• the right to be a trustee of the spouse in various public instances.

Pros and cons of same-sex marriage

Any phenomenon, no matter how negative and painful it may seem for society, has positive and negative aspects - the legalization of same-sex marriages is no exception. There have always been people, a smaller number of them, who, due to innate characteristics, differ from the majority and their craving for members of their own sex is irresistible and genetically incorporated. Countries where same-sex marriage is legal have chosen this path. perhaps out of good human motives in order to overcome social inequality. In what it will result in society - there are still more questions than answers.

Same-sex marriage, pluses (obvious to the spouses themselves):

• people of the same sex understand each other better, a stronger union based on mutual understanding is possible;
• legal marriage gives homosexual and lesbian couples the right to dispose of joint property and run a household;
• lack of gender-based discrimination, as is often the case in heterosexual families;
• savings on wardrobe and clothing exchange.

Cons of same-sex unions:

1. Censored by heterosexual society, sometimes resulting in hostility and violence.
2. Inferiority in the upbringing of children, who in the future may form a false sexual self-identification and ridicule from children from full-fledged families, this will lead to psychological trauma, the formation of complexes and neurosis.

Why legalize same-sex marriage?

The traditional heterosexual society views the legalization of same-sex marriages with condemnation and fear for the future of nations. Why same-sex marriages are needed, the government and people of each country have their own points of view on this question, but in general, the reasons are as follows:

• recognition that gay people deserve the same legal marriage rights as everyone else;
• combating homophobia, prejudice and .

Same-sex marriage in Orthodoxy

Same-sex marriages in the Bible are considered unacceptable and relationships between members of the same sex are sinful and subject to condemnation. The commandments of Moses in the book of Leviticus classify homosexual acts as "abominable and abominable practices". Why is same-sex marriage forbidden in contemporary Orthodox Christianity? There are a number of reasons for this:

1. The gift of the Creator was to create people of different sexes: men and women.
2. The marital union embodies the original will of the Creator: the continuation and multiplication of the human race (same-sex spouses are not capable of realizing the divine plan, of conceiving).
3. The union of a man and a woman is not only a bodily difference, but also different images that complement each other in marriage (there is no complementarity in same-sex marriages.

Same-sex marriage in Islam

Same-sex marriage and the church are incompatible concepts. Only traditional marriage between a man and a woman is sacred and pleasing to Allah. Homosexuality and lesbianism are criminalized in Islam, up to and including the death penalty (e.g., throwing from tall buildings, violent stoning), in countries such as:

• Iran;
• Afghanistan;
• Sudan;
• Saudi Arabia;
• Nigeria.

To prevent the spread of homosexuality, there are strict regulations:

• children (boys and girls) from the age of seven should not sleep in the same bed;
• men should not kiss each other on the cheek (shaking hands and kissing the hands of elders are allowed);
• it is impossible for mature men with young men who still do not have facial hair to be in the same place;
• it is forbidden to watch porn films and read homosexual literature.

Same-sex marriage in the world

Where same-sex marriage is allowed - more and more people who feel different from heterosexuals are interested in this issue. The list of countries where same-sex unions are legalized is growing every year. Spouses in such marriages are entitled to all the benefits and social privileges, as in a regular, traditional union. Which countries allow same-sex marriages (top 10):

• Netherlands (2001);
• Norway (2008);
• Sweden (2009);
• Mexico (2009);
• Argentina (2010);
• Brazil (2011);
• Denmark (2012);
• France (2013);
• USA (2015);
• Germany (2017).

Same-sex marriage in Russia

Are same-sex marriages allowed in Russia - the answer is an unequivocal "no". Russia is a country with centuries-old traditions and foundations, among which the idea of ​​a family has hardly changed. Marriage relations in the Russian Federation are regulated by law and are based on the voluntary mutual consent of the man and woman who are getting married. Some gay people try to get married on the territory of a foreign country, and if it is an ordinary union, then it is considered valid, but a same-sex marriage will not be legally valid.

Same-sex marriage in the US

If we recall the recent past of America, then non-traditional relationships were persecuted by the police, and there was no question of same-sex marriages. Homosexuals caught in public institutions, hotels were subjected to criminal punishment and humiliation by society. The lists were publicly disclosed, people were deprived of their reputation, jobs, social status and the support of relatives. Only towards the end of the 20th century. the so-called "domestic partnership" - an unofficial marriage - was established in society. The legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States was completed in full for all 50 states on June 26, 2015.

Same-sex marriage in Japan

When asked in which countries legalized same-sex marriages other than the United States, one can safely name Japan, or rather the capital, Tokyo. The jubilation of Japanese gays did not appeal to conservative politicians who are completely opposed to such a phenomenon as same-sex non-traditional marriages. Japan is trying to keep up with America and solve once and for all the issue of discrimination against sexual minorities by legalizing such unions on a par with traditional ones.

Same-sex marriage in Germany

Legalization of same-sex marriages in Germany will take place from October 2017. At present, same-sex civil unions or partnerships are allowed, permission for which was obtained in 2001. The population of Germany, among 83%, voted for the freedom to choose a partner of any gender and enter into a marriage union with him. An interesting fact is that Chancellor Angela Merkel has long been on the side of the LGBT community and just a few days before the vote on the adoption of the law refused to support this bill, guided by the fact that the traditional union is a man and a woman.

Same-sex marriage in France

Countries where same-sex marriages are allowed are constantly replenished. France resolved this issue back in May 2013. President François Hollande identified this as an important aspect along with the implementation of other social reforms. More than half of the residents supported the adoption of the law. Same-sex spouses were given permission to adopt and raise children, unlike other European countries where marriage has not gone further than legalization. The adoption of the law increased aggressive tendencies on the part of heterosexuals, which led to a greater percentage of violence against homosexuals.

Same-sex marriage - famous people

From the outside, it looks like a whim or a means to arouse, stir up interest in one's own person ... and yet it can be love, although it is incomprehensible to most people of a traditional orientation. Famous same-sex marriages among stellar personalities who, ignoring gossip, legalized their relationship and live happily ever after:

According to psychologists, such an unusual family can be even stronger than a heterosexual one.

The stereotype that has already developed over many years confirms: if homosexual guys marry persons of the opposite sex, then exclusively with lesbians, only in order to somehow “cover up” their non-traditional sexual addictions. But, as with any rule, there are many exceptions to this.

According to the psychologists of the anonymous consultation center "Darina", in their practice there are also such cases when a gay man marries a heterosexual woman. But not in order to hide his true orientation, but to try to change it, or at least build a life so that this addiction does not interfere with both partners in marriage, and family life is real.

Within the walls of the center, I met one such unusual couple who, thanks to the help of a psychologist, found hope for the future.

“I was pleasantly surprised that my partner does not require intimacy before the wedding”

Sveta and Andrey seem to be quite a normal nice young couple. To my surprise, the whole time we talked, the husband held the woman's hand. Don't say directly that he

I confess that acquaintance with Andrey did not portend anything unusual, - says Svetlana. We first met at a nightclub. He was in the company of several young people, I came with my friends. To say at that moment that we girls are a group of lesbians and guys are gay would be just ridiculous. But, as I found out later, they really were my husband's friends, with whom he at one time maintained a very close relationship.

And I would call our acquaintance love at first sight - I really liked Andrei then: handsome, neat, beautifully dressed, polite and unobtrusive. We immediately found a common language, he understood me literally from a half-word. I could even discuss some women's problems with him.

And it didn't surprise you at all?

Sveta was in seventh heaven with happiness, - Andrey enters the conversation. - Much later, she showed me her diary, where she wrote an amazing phrase: “Do such men exist?”

It surprised me a little, of course, - Svetlana continues, a little embarrassed after Andrey's words. - But it was very nice - in contrast to what you have seen and heard before from other guys. After all, I was brought up in the old traditions and did not want my first man to be a man for whom I do not have real feelings.

Soon I realized that I was ready to go with Andrey to a closer relationship. But he did not reciprocate, pretended not to understand hints, tried to avoid this topic, although in everything else we had almost complete mutual understanding. Andrey really liked my parents. Mom somehow hinted: they say, think seriously

And what is there to think: we have already begun to discuss the future married life! I tried to throw out all my feelings - I wanted intimacy. But when I directly told Andrey about this, he replied: his convictions do not allow him to do “this” before the wedding!

It was strange even for me, and we got into a bit of a fight. But at some point I realized that I was wrong, because I didn’t want to violate my established principles regarding intimacy, which means I didn’t have the right to demand that Andrei step over his own. In general, we soon got married. And then it began

“From the caresses of my husband, I went crazy, but we didn’t have full-fledged intimacy”

Scenarios of marriages entered into by homosexuals with girls of normal orientation are very similar in many respects, therefore, each such family simply does not have something to solve the problems that arise, - Elena Kovchenko, a psychologist at the Darina anonymous counseling center, comments. - Like Andrei, gay guys during the first meetings with a girl try, first of all, to emphasize their spirituality, education, manners, avoiding intimacy. And what is surprising: despite the emancipation of today's morals, the girls very positively accept such behavior of their companions, believing that the guy is respectful of the woman, knows how to behave without dissolving his hands. This works as a contrast to that assertiveness and even arrogance, when a girl is literally obliged at the first meeting to give herself to a barely familiar guy.

Of course, for someone, the sexual restraint of a partner can cause irritation, doubts about his masculine strength. If at this stage there is no conflict, then a man and a woman may well take a step towards marriage. Everyone, of course, according to their beliefs. But the most striking thing is that for both partners these aspirations are sincere: a woman craves love, and a gay man believes that this is a way out of a dead-end future for him - a person with a non-traditional orientation. After all, homosexuals are well aware that gay couples stay on the strength of five to seven years. This has been proven and verified.

Moreover, marriage for a gay man is not such a terrible thing. If a young man really wants to somehow adapt in family life, then, caressing a woman, he can fantasize that he has contact with a man. But with full-fledged sexual contact, couples like Sveta and Andrey may have problems.

Our wedding night was amazing, - Svetlana continues the story. - But No, we did not give up sex, moreover, Andrey brought me to orgasm with caresses. I just went crazy! But with the continuation, we did not succeed.

You know, I was still inexperienced in sexual matters, so the current situation, of course, upset me. But I thought that we were not used to being together yet, I read a lot, consulted with friends, trying to find the reason for our failures. Sometimes Andrei and I discussed this topic. My husband promised that everything would be fine, but I already understood: he was hiding something, hiding something.

And you, Andrei, didn’t feel guilty, because you deceived to some extent or even used your wife?

Yes, I felt guilty, but the user - no. I had, and even now, in fact, have a sincere feeling for Svetlana. And at some point I believed that it would help me overcome myself. Yes, I was aware that I would not be able to live a sexual life only with Sveta, because there were old partners among the guys. I tuned in to the fact that I would lead a double life, but family ties would still be preferable.

You see, gays are perceived one-sidedly in our country: they say, they sleep with men, but women are disgusting to him. It's very primitive. I can say with confidence that there is not a single "pure" gay who has never had sex with a woman, just as there is no lesbian who has not slept with a man at least once.

Yes, gay men have sexual preference for men. Another issue is that at a certain moment you realize that gay people have no future in our society. Yes, such a position in life suits someone, but, I assure you, not everyone is satisfied. Hence the marriages of especially desperate with lesbians. I would compare my feelings with a person who lived for some time on a separate food system, and then decided to abandon it. Everything seems to be the same - food, drinks, fruits, but it is difficult to get used to them.

I could caress Sveta for hours, but I didn't have enough strength to cross the line. Sometimes I succeeded, but it was a purely mechanical action, not a passion. And so, to be honest, I took the news of my wife's pregnancy with relief, knowing that intimacy during this period is undesirable. Of course, he was aware that he received only a temporary respite, and the situation would still have to be somehow resolved.

Did you keep in touch with your old friends at that time?

I wouldn't focus on that right now. Let's just say we didn't forget each other. It was my friends, seeing how I suffer in an impasse, but I can’t leave my wife and child (and I don’t want to), provoked me to have a frank conversation with Sveta.

“After the shock, I nevertheless realized that men like Andrey should be appreciated”

Was it a shock for both of you?

Shock is the easiest expression to explain what I experienced then, recalls Sveta. - Yes, Andrei's friends delicately led me to what I needed to hear. But still, finding out that the father of your child (by that time I had already given birth to a boy) is a homosexual, you know, is not easy! In addition, the well-established stereotype worked: a homosexual is, as it were, half a man.

We did not speak for several days, then Andrei left home. These days, as I found out later, he was with his mother and, closing himself in the room, wrote the same phrase dozens of times on a piece of paper: “I love her. I love her ”And when we found the strength to meet and talk, then, I confess, I had a desire to part with my husband. But she kept her love for Andrei. I saw with what tenderness he looks at the child, how hard it is for him

It was very difficult for both of us to cope with this situation, and we decided to seek help from psychologists. For almost a whole year, under their supervision, they got out and got out and nevertheless swam out of their pool! About all the conversations with us, the tests that we had to pass, experts will tell you better.

Another thing is important: I was convinced that men like Andrey are ideal spouses. I emphasize: it is the spouses! The concept of an ideal man is a somewhat different area.

After all, we seemed to have risen above ourselves. I understand that my husband will return to the past - for a moment, two, no more. But he only loves me. In addition, his sexual experience is much richer than that of any other man, his feelings are thinner. We now have such a variety of sex, which even in the most frank fantasies I could not imagine

From the point of view of psychological practice, what Andrei and Svetlana managed to do is considered an almost ideal solution to the problem, - Elena Kovchenko is convinced. - Unfortunately, in most cases, if the partners do not seek mutual consent, such marriages break up. And most often because of the reaction of women who immediately file for divorce. Their motivation is understandable.

However, by and large, they are losing more than they will ever gain. After all, gay men try to find women with a highly developed maternal instinct, who love the comfort of a home, and children as their spouses. And, importantly, such women usually do not pretend to have active sex. They are quite down to earth in their requests and passions, brought up in modesty. Such a wife will become a faithful and reliable friend for many years.

Another thing is that the motivation for the actions of homosexual husbands in our society, unfortunately, in most cases is selfish. And this is due to the attitude of society towards gays. If it were more tolerant, homosexuals would not find any ingenious ways to convince society: we are normal! Only a small part of gays perceive marriage as a cure for their non-traditional orientation and really strive for family comfort

On January 4, Russians 27-year-old Evgeny Voitsekhovsky and 28-year-old Pavel Stotsko registered their marriage in Copenhagen (Danish law allows gay marriages). Returning to Moscow, they submitted their registration documents to one of the city's multifunctional centers, where they were given the appropriate stamps on the "Marital Status" page.

One of the spouses posted photos of stamps on Facebook as evidence and separately noted that this was not about registering a same-sex marriage, but about its recognition. Young people brought to the MFC a marriage certificate issued to them in Denmark, on the basis of which the department affixed seals. The legislation of the Russian Federation recognizes marriages concluded in the territory of another country, if the union does not contradict the laws of this state.

According to Art. 158 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation, the following conditions may become obstacles to recognition: if one of the spouses is married to another, if the bride and groom are closely related or one is the other's guardian, and also in case of mental incapacity of one of the spouses. Since the marriage of Voitsekhovsky and Stotsko does not contradict the mentioned article, the MFC had no reason to refuse to affix seals.

This precedent pissed off the well-known Gheefighter, State Duma deputy Vitaly Milonov. On his Facebook, he posted an angry post in which he called the newly-married spouses “homosexuals” and ordered them to “drive them out of Russia with a one-way ticket, burn their passports and treat them as dogs.” He also promised to find and sue the officials responsible for this.

Another State Duma deputy, Anatoly Vyborny, promised to eliminate this "loophole in the law" and called the incident "a clear indicator of a complete decline in morality." We remind you that, according to a recent poll by the Levada Center, 83% of Russians strongly condemn same-sex relationships. The reaction to the news was ambiguous on the Web: someone agrees with Milonov, others congratulate the Russian LGBT community on the precedent. Still others considered the news “fake” and the passport photos fake. One way or another, the names of these young people can be included in the list of gays who have changed the world (albeit on the scale of one country). It remains only to wish happiness to the young and family well-being.. :3

When I studied at the magistracy, we had the subject “Intergenerational interaction”. The essence of the subject was to study the interaction of generations in different areas of human life. One of the tasks was to conduct a micro-study on this topic. My colleague and classmate Ksenia Sukhova touched upon a very interesting and important topic of non-traditional families.

As a family psychologist, I am approached by parents, more often by mothers, whose children form one of the forms of a non-traditional family. Therefore, I believe that this issue is relevant for those parents who are faced with this problem. And for the rest, who have a classic, traditional family, it will be interesting as useful information.

So, we present to your attention a micro-study on the topic "Non-traditional family - myth or reality."

The relevance of research:

Aestas non semper durabit: condite nidos - "Summer is not forever: make nests." Everyone understands this Latin aphorism differently. Marriage and family relations are one of the most paradoxical phenomena of modern social consciousness. Conducted social surveys show that the vast majority of modern people put family values ​​above all else.

The spread of alternative or non-traditional types of marriage and equating them with official marriages leads to the problem of identifying marriage as a legal and social institution, vagueness in the performance of marital roles, the time of their beginning and expiration, the scope of the rights and obligations of spouses.

In the modern mass consciousness of people there is a fair amount of confusion of concepts and ideas associated with the concept of the very term “marriage”. What is marriage? Marriage is a legally registered, free and voluntary union of a man and a woman, aimed at creating a family and giving rise to mutual rights and obligations.

An alternative or non-traditional marriage is understood as a long-term union of a man and a woman who do not intend to legally formalize (or do so formally) the intimate, property and other relations that have developed between them. An alternative (non-traditional) marriage implies a multivariate behavior of partners, the possibility of the appearance of joint offspring and care for him, the possibility of material maintenance of one of the spouses by the other. Thus, only that family union of a man and a woman, which is sanctioned by the state, will be considered marriage correctly, i.e. which is registered with the state civil registry office. Those who legally register their marriage receive the status of husband and wife. All other alternative (non-traditional) "marriages" are in fact ordinary cohabitation, which is presented as a marriage relationship. Modern civilization has at its disposal many options for alternative marriages, from which today you can choose the one that is most suitable.

Depending on the types of innovations in the existing formal or informal norms of marital relations, researchers identify a number of types of alternative marriages(cohabitation).

Virgin (virgin, platonic) marriage

Such a marriage looks no different from the traditional one, only the husband and wife do not live sexually in it. Probably, such a marriage union will seem unnatural to someone, but for others it will be quite normal. The reasons why spouses ignore intimate relationships are very different: medical (illness of one or both spouses), age (old age), religious (various spiritual practices), ideological (young asexual people who do not want to have children).

Seasonal marriage or temporary marriage (time-limited family)

Such a marriage is common in Europe. Relations are fixed for a certain time period - a year, two, three. After this period, the marriage is automatically terminated. Occasionally, a married couple again considers the pros and cons of a common life and decides to leave or agree again to live together for a certain period of time. Adherents of this form of marriage believe that over time, people grow out of previous relationships, like "adult children from old shoes."

In the modern Arab world (Iran, Algeria, Lebanon), a similar marriage is also common. This is marriage for pleasure. In fact, it is a disguised form of prostitution. It is concluded for a fixed period (from one hour to ninety-nine years) and is a mutual agreement that specifies financial terms. As always, the rationale is found in the Qur'an (Sura on women IV, 24). Shia interpreters of the Koran attribute the origins of this tradition to the prophet Mohammed, who established it for warriors, travelers and nomadic herdsmen. Although back in the middle of the 7th century, one of the adherents of Islam, the orthodox Sunni caliph Omar I, condemned this custom and qualified it as a form of prostitution. In modern Iran, the conclusion of such an agreement has strict legal regulation and takes place without witnesses. An Iranian man, even with four wives, has the right to enter into a temporary marriage an unlimited number of times. According to the rules, his temporary wife must be unmarried, divorced or widowed. The “temporary” husband, in accordance with the contract, has no obligations in relation to his “temporary” wife, except for financial ones. In the event of the birth of a child (in practice, the use of contraceptives is silently allowed), the “temporary” husband is obliged to recognize him as his legal heir. But in real life, as practice shows, this never happens.

Communal marriage or group marriage (“Swedish family”)

This is a family in which several women and several men live. They are interconnected not only and not so much by common sex, but by a common household and friendly relations. If children appear in such families, then they are brought up by all members of the “commune”, who are guided by the idea: “the more men and women before the eyes of a child, the more opportunities he has to learn the diversity of the world.”

open marriage

A traditional family in which husband and wife allow romance and intimate relationships outside of marriage. Widespread in Europe and Russia. In family life, such a couple are friends. They are comfortable living with each other. And the lack of thrills, an explosion of feelings and a surge of emotions is compensated on the side.

Guest (extraterritorial) marriage

The relationship is officially registered, but the residence is separate. They meet from time to time, have dinner together in a restaurant, spend the night, live together from time to time, sometimes spend vacations together, but do not run a joint household. Some "spouses" manage to enter into several guest marriages at once, thus diversifying their family life even more.

Childfree marriage or knowingly childless marriage

The ideology of "childfree" originated almost simultaneously in America and Europe. Supporters of such a marriage deny and do not recognize the very essence and meaning of traditional marriage and family - the birth of a child. Childfree believers see children as a serious threat to the comfort and serenity of their personal lives. Anti-breeders in the Western press are often accused of social desertion, family deviation, and sometimes even accused of undermining the demographic segment of national security. But with age, the Black Sea Fleet changes their views and beliefs, the established breeding program takes over and everything falls into place.

godwin marriage

By the name of the English anarchist Godwin William - a marriage when the spouses own common property, but live separately. This type of marriage got its name from one of the founders of this form of marriage - William Godwin. In his work “Discourse on Political Justice”, which is considered the bible of anarchism, he expressed the idea that such social phenomena as the state, property and marriage are contrary to the nature and reason of man and society as a whole. He argued that marriage impedes the development of a person's abilities, interferes with his happiness and destroys consciousness. And then it was concluded that the cohabitation of spouses is an unconditional evil that interferes with the comprehensive personal development of each of them due to differences in their interests, needs, inclinations and inclinations.

rational marriage

Marriage of convenience. Such a marriage certainly provides for a certain specifically determined benefit (economic, psychological, sexual, household, professional, etc.). The internal logic of such marriages is extremely simple. It's time to start a family. There is a partner in mind who fits and professes a similar attitude towards marriage and life in general. A family is created. Each partner receives his "dividends" from such a deal. As a rule, such couples are reinsured and do not forget to conclude a marriage contract. Marriage is only satisfying if the calculation is right.

Same-sex or homosexual marriages

Marriages between persons of the same sex. Ardent opponents of same-sex marriage argue that, in accordance with religious and moral norms, only a man and a woman can enter into marriage. Based on this, the demands of gays and lesbians to recognize their same right to marry are absurd. Despite the fact that same-sex marriages are not officially recognized in Russia, they are triumphantly marching around the planet. The list of countries in which same-sex marriages are legalized at the national level is expanding every year. Same-sex marriages are already allowed in Argentina, Belgium, Iceland, Spain, Canada, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, South Africa. In modern Iran, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Somalia, Sudan, Nigeria, and Mauritania, same-sex marriage is a crime and punishable by death.

Consensual or civil marriage

A family union of a woman and a man that is not registered with the state civil registry office. At first, the term "civil marriage" meant family relations, not consecrated by the sacrament of the wedding, but recognized by the state. In the USSR, civil marriage arose in 1917, as opposed to the traditional church marriage, and was actually recognized by the state until 1944. This form of marriage is common in EU countries, where only every fourth couple registers their relationship. In Russia, every third couple lives in a civil marriage. In Ukraine, every tenth marriage is civil. Consensual or, as they are now called, civil marriages have ceased to be considered deviations and have become a familiar variant of the norm of family life.

It is worth briefly dwelling on its advantages and disadvantages, as well as finding out who is comfortable with it and who is not. The advantages of such a marriage: you can take a closer look, understand your feelings. There is an opportunity to learn how to manage the household together, distribute finances and responsibilities. The understanding comes that marriage is not only a holiday, but also “harsh everyday life” and responsibility. Such unions are not burdened by social stereotypes about family life, they are maximally open to experiments and creativity. In the event of a break, emotional and material claims on both sides are made to a minimum. The influence of the age of respondents on the assessment of the advantages of civil marriage was revealed. Disadvantages: ambiguity in assessing existing relationships within the family itself (women in such a marriage more often consider themselves married, and men - unmarried). The economic and psychological vulnerability of such a marriage (primarily for women who strive for stability in relationships, confidence in the future, and in a divorce situation, when defending their material interests and duties of a man regarding a child, it is also necessary to prove the fact of living in one family precisely at the time of acquiring common property ). In a civil marriage, the mother decides who to write down as the father of the child, what surname to give him. A married woman traditionally has a higher status in society than a single woman, therefore, although a civil marriage is not always perceived as a full-fledged one, for most women it is still better than nothing. For men, such a marriage is colored by an illusory sense of freedom, despite the fact that there are all the advantages of marital relations - an established life, psychological and moral support, regular sexual relations. The unwillingness to register their relationship is primarily due to the fear of immediately taking responsibility for the future family and children. In a situation of disappointment with family life, one can easily find an excuse: we are free people and no one owes anything to anyone and does not owe anything to anyone. For two equal, financially independent persons, a civil marriage is entirely suitable. For those who are less secure financially (first of all, women and children), official marriage provides more stability. The attitude of society towards civil marriage is becoming more and more loyal, but, nevertheless, official marriage is considered more preferable.

Posthumous marriage

It consists in cases when one of the future spouses dies before the planned wedding. Such a marriage is usually needed to give some advantage to the surviving partner: he acquires the status of a widowed spouse and receives all the benefits or payments due by law. In this case, the inheritance of the property of the deceased by the living spouse usually does not occur. (It is practically impossible to confirm such a marriage legally, because, as our lawyers say: “It is not known whether this marriage registration would take place or not, because one of the future spouses might not come to the marriage process.”)

same-sex marriage statistics in belgium

The first marriage between persons of the same sex took place on June 6, 2003 in Capellen. Marion Huybrechts and Christel Versweivelen became spouses.

The following table shows data on the number of people who entered into same-sex marriage

According to the Eurobarometer public opinion bulletin, the highest support for same-sex marriage is noted in the Netherlands - 82%, Sweden - 71% (according to other sources - 70%), Denmark - 69%, Belgium - 62%, Luxembourg - 58%, Spain - 56%, Germany - 52%, Czech Republic - 52%, Austria - 49%, France - 48%, Great Britain - 46% and Finland - 45%).

In the second half of the 2000s, there has been some change in public attitudes towards same-sex marriage in France. TNS polls show that if in 2006 non-traditional unions were supported by 45% of the French, and 51% of those surveyed were against their legalization, then in 2010 51% of citizens were in favor of allowing homosexual marriages and 35% were against. 49% of respondents were in favor of allowing same-sex couples to adopt children. According to other sources, with a reference to the same TNS Sofres, 58% were in favor of allowing same-sex marriage in France, and 35% were against.

In 2005, according to polls by the Levada Center, 3.6% of Russians were definitely in favor of official same-sex marriages, 10.7% were rather in favor, 28.8% were absolutely against it, 34.4% were rather against it, it was difficult to answer - 12.3%. Data from a second survey conducted in 2010 showed that 84% of Russians have a negative attitude towards the legalization of same-sex marriages.

In Russia, as of the beginning of 2011, there were only two high-profile cases related to attempts to officially consolidate the union of homosexuals. In 2005, Edward Murzin, a member of the Yabloko party, a deputy of the Bashkirian parliament, and Eduard Mishin, editor of the gay magazine Kvir and the Gay.ru website, tried to legalize their relationship. The couple was denied on the grounds that same-sex marriage is contrary to the Family Code of the Russian Federation. Mishin and Murzin tried to challenge this decision in court, but were unsuccessful.

In 2009, lesbians Irina Fedotova and Irina Shipitko tried to register a marriage in the Tver registry office of Moscow. They were also denied. The partners failed to appeal the refusal to higher authorities, after which the women formalized their relationship in Canada and filed a complaint against the Russian authorities with the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) in Strasbourg. The lawsuit was accepted for consideration in January 2011.

Opinions:

1. “In Russia, for the first time in 10-15 years, the birth rate began to rise, and there are no children in same-sex marriages. Therefore, the state must still support, first of all, the processes associated with childbearing.

Vladimir Putin, Prime Minister of Russia. Delovoy Petersburg, December 2, 2010.

1. “We didn’t have sex or prostitution for a long time. Many don’t even know what non-traditional relationships are… In any case, Russian society will not be able to tolerate non-traditional couples, even if they are allowed to officially marry.”

1. “According to the Christian religion, same-sex love is a huge sin. And it's not for me to rewrite age-old laws. However, I personally do not blame anyone. But, as a rule, love between a man and a man or a woman and a woman ends equally unhappily. I think that a person rushes into the pool of same-sex love only because he does not find his half. If the same gay man met some wonderful woman, maybe he could change and become happy?

Renata Litvinova, actress, director. All TV channels, 2002.

1. “We categorically disagree with the leaders of the Christian communities of the Western world, who, for the sake of ... the standards of the secular world, modify the Christian doctrine ... The Christian Church will cease to be the light of the world if it renounces its own identity ... When same-sex unions are equated with marriage, when sexual propaganda is carried out through the media promiscuity, when abortion is perceived by families as the norm, is a catastrophic situation to which Christian churches cannot remain indifferent”

Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk, head of the DECR ROC. Newsru.com, February 5, 2010.

1. “Trying to substantiate homosexuality with Holy Scripture, its advocates resort to the most blasphemous interpretations not only of the Old, but also of the New Testament. Although humanly one can understand their desire to sanction their own infirmity with the authority of Holy Scripture, sacred history. For several millennia, first in the Old Testament church, then in the New Testament, there was a very definite idea about the impossibility of people entering into carnal relations with representatives of their own sex. Same-sex marriages were considered unthinkable. The fact that there are not so many of these indications indicates that for contemporaries and Old Testament prophets, and Jesus Christ, and the apostles, it seemed self-evident to consider such relationships as sinful.

Georgy Mitrofanov, archpriest, professor at the St. Petersburg Theological Academy. Radio Liberty, September 22, 2009.

Conclusion:

The data of a survey conducted in 2010 showed that 84% of Russians have a negative attitude towards the legalization of same-sex marriages, which confirms the opinion expressed by Russian President V.V. Putin: “In Russia, for the first time in 10-15 years, the birth rate began to increase, and there are no children in same-sex marriages. Therefore, the state must still support, first of all, the processes associated with childbearing.”

The purpose of a person on Earth is to continue his race, which means that by legalizing same-sex marriages, humanity will deliberately go to its self-destruction.

Thus, we can conclude that in Russia the legalization of same-sex marriages is more a myth than a reality.

Literature:

1. "Legal aspects of the legalization of the "non-traditional family" in Russia" A. Chernega, candidate of legal sciences, senior lecturer of the Department of Civil and Family Law of the Moscow State Law Academy "Medical Law and Ethics", No. 1, 2003, - p. 103-110;

2. "Alternative marriages" article by Sergei Kolesnikov;

3. http://ru.wikipedia.org;

4.http://www.memoid.ru

From myself I want to add that this is not the whole list of non-traditional families.

There are also:

The mixed family is divided into 3 types:

1. A woman with children marries a man without children (+ ex-husband);
2. A man with children marries a woman without children (+ ex-wife);
3. Both - both the man and the woman - have children from previous partners (+ ex-husband and wife).

It may be that the ex-spouse has died and the spouses have adopted a child - this is another form of a mixed family.

Divorces- repeated marriage and family relationships.

swinging- exchange of marriage partners.

From a psychological point of view, in addition to all of the above, I want to add that the choice of any form of marriage may depend on many reasons. In each situation, this set of reasons is individual, and when problems or difficult situations arise, it is necessary to deal with each pair (or not a pair) separately.

What prompted the partners to this or that choice and how to solve the problem only a specialist will help. It can be a parent's family scenario, a traumatic situation in childhood or an unsuccessful experience of an intimate life ... and much more.

Traditional or non-traditional family life goes on both when its members are at work, and when they are engaged in household issues, and when they are celebrating or relaxing. Everyone plays his role, as best he can, and as far as the individual framework of ideas allows ...

Always at your service, Elena Palenova

Why is the wedding performed only after the civil registration of marriage?

The wedding has nothing to do with civil registration. Actually, for the Church, it is the wedding, and not registration in the registry office, that has a blessed meaning. However, in recent times, the religious culture of the people has greatly decreased. Today a person goes to church, tomorrow he does not go. Today he believes that he believes in God, a year later he believes that the Church Sacraments and rituals have no meaning for him and no grace-filled power. In addition, modern people are very easy and irresponsible about the marriage union. Today they live together, tomorrow they parted. But church marriage, except for grace-filled help, does not legally bind two people in any way ... All this prompts the Church to demand from people entering into marriage confirmation of the seriousness of their intentions. Registration of marriage brings at least some seriousness into the intentions of people who want to live together. Anyone who registers really wants to build marital relations, is ready to take on obligations in the face of civil law. Therefore, the Church usually performs the Sacrament of Marriage only on those who have entered into an official civil marriage.

How is falling in love different from love?

I'll start from afar, with the relationship of man and ... God. We know that when a person comes to faith, his whole being burns with great love for the Creator. This love, or rather it would be better to call it love, for God helps a person to abandon sins, to start a new life. Theologians call this miraculous intoxication of the human soul with grace, calling grace. However, some time passes, and the Lord invites the person himself, of free will, through difficulties and obstacles to go to Him, for true love implies not only illumination from above, but also the personal efforts of a person. Didn't you notice it? At first, in faith, everything is easy, everything works out, then you have to overcome difficulties. Many, by the way, at this stage depart from the faith and the Church.

We encounter a similar situation in the relationship between a man and a woman. First love. It is a dizzying feeling when everything seems so easy - to accept another, to fight with him and your own shortcomings, to receive strength from this love for an active bright life.

But over time, the first ardor of love goes out and the time comes for family routine, habit and everyday life.

Love is gone? No, love, affect has passed. But is love left? But it depends only on us, because true love implies efforts on our part, in order to achieve love, we must work.

So, in order for falling in love to flow into love, and this is an even more wonderful and deep feeling than falling in love, you need to work on it. From the first days of communication between lovers, "build relationships."

Falling in love (we will not talk about the biochemical side of this feeling) is a state that helps a person to start well. And reach the highest relationship, which will be Love with a capital letter.

As long as people are in love with each other, it is easy to forgive shortcomings, to help another endure the difficulties of life. But the main thing - using love, from the first days of communication you need to learn to listen and perceive the other!

The help of the grace of God is also important here, which really supports lovers, and then spouses and helps to overcome difficulties. I heard a lot about this help and experienced it myself.

What real advice can you give to people living in a marriage so that their love does not fade with time?

The path from falling in love to deep and full-flowing love must be passed by young people under the supervision of a confessor. The one as a wise objective observer will be able to take into account all the nuances of their particular situation. But I can give some general advice:

Learning to listen... Even non-religious psychologists note that modern people are completely unable to concentrate, to be alone with themselves. Notice that as soon as silence sets in around us, we try to fill it with something: turn on the radio, TV. If we are free from household chores, if we have a few minutes free, we immediately pick up newspapers, magazines, leaf through, from the middle, a book. Today's man, immersed in the noise and rhythms of modern life, does not know how to focus his attention; accordingly, he is not able either to listen to the voice of God, or to look intently at the person who is nearby. This means that he will not hear either God or his neighbor. The husband does not hear his wife, she does not hear her husband. The first serious test will reveal this. Husband and wife will speak different languages...

In order for the spouses to think and feel in unison, as “one flesh”, you need to learn ... prayer. Prayer, a school of concentration on the Other (on God), will allow spouses to learn to listen to each other as well.

To learn humility... As in any difficult matter, great patience and a desire to overcome difficulties are needed in love. An important component of any communication with others is humility. Humility is the ability to listen to another, to overcome natural egocentrism, so to speak, to give primacy to another. Even before marriage, it is easy to see whether the beloved / beloved is ready to give in, overcome pride, accept a different opinion. If he is not ready, if he hears only himself and insists only on his own, it is unlikely that relations can grow to great mutual love.

To believe in a loved one... True love, according to Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh, implies "deep faith in a loved one." This faith is the desire and ability to see in the beloved (even in the once loved, if love has passed) a unique personality, albeit often clouded by sins. This is the ability to see a person in the perspective of God's plan for him. This is the desire to help him in his moral development.

Active love... Finally, Christian love is active love. It is impossible to reach the heights of love being in passive inactivity. Love is every minute sacrifice for the sake of another, service to another.

M Can you say briefly what should be placed at the center of married life?

This is how I answer this question for myself: my task is spiritual perfection. I didn't get married to find a housekeeper or a cook or a sexual partner. My wife is my helper on the spiritual path; it helps me to become more perfect, to achieve the holiness that I seek. Accordingly, with my wife I learn calmness, meekness, obedience. Being responsible for the family, I acquire the responsibility and strength of a husband and father.

When we have conflicts, I always ask myself: what do I want - mine or God's? And I try to choose the latter. I forgive and forgive. And then even a family conflict can become a stepping stone on the spiritual path.

Carnal passion - from God or from the devil?

Passion is always from the devil. But what is passion? This is an exaggerated feeling, a distorted feeling, painfully ugly.

The erotic feeling itself is from God, and it is beautiful. This is a feeling of attraction of opposite sexes to each other, a desire to be one not only in soul, but also in body with a loved one. Holy Scripture tells us this. The Lord created man and commanded him to “be fruitful and multiply,” says the first chapter of the Bible. And in the next chapter we read: “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. That's what - God's plan, God's institution. It also attracts people of the opposite sex to each other.

But there are also distortions of this God-determined order. It is the search in eroticism for only physical satisfaction, or the desire to possess someone without giving oneself away. Or ... there are many such distortions, and all this is not God's.

This means that erotic energy is from God, and its painful perversion, deformity, which we call passion, is from the devil.

Why should two people join in marriage? Why, say, reproduction was not arranged in some other way?

Of course, we do not know this ... But we can make some assumptions.

Perhaps this attraction to unity can be called an ontological reason for the attraction of people to each other ...

But there is another reason. Let's call it pedagogical reason.

In the Bible we read that the Lord says to Adam: “It is not good for a man to be alone. And he creates a wife as a helper, “corresponding to Adam.

This word - "corresponding" - would be more correct to translate from Hebrew as "the one that would be in front of him." Adam needs Eve as the one in which he could see himself from the outside. The Holy Fathers said that it is very important to see yourself not with your own eyes, subjective, flattering, but with the eyes of another person who loves us, who wishes us goodness and perfection. See and fix.

Hence the task of people entering into marriage: to help each other become more perfect.

What does it mean: “A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; and shall be one flesh"? Is it about sex?

"Flesh" (ancient Hebrew basar) means a whole being, with common thoughts, feelings...

To stick means to connect. In marriage, the spouses really become one being: they have common tasks, goals, thoughts and feelings, a common life.

The holy fathers said that you can compare people who are married with ... the Lord. God is One Being, but in this Being there are Three Persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. At St. John Chrysostom we read about it this way: “When a husband and wife are united in marriage, they are not the image of something inanimate or something earthly, but the image of God Himself.”

If we talk about sex, then this, of course, is an important component of marital relations. This is an act of maximum openness, trust, tenderness for a loved one or a loved one. Truly, this is God's gift to people, and it can and should bring joy. In every family, sexual relations have their place, but they are never an indispensable part of marriage. If one of the spouses is deprived of the opportunity to live a sexual life (illness, injury), this is not a reason for divorce.

Will marriage last forever?

Marital relations will continue, but marriage in the other world will be different. For example, there will be no sexual relations, but the spiritual unity acquired over the years of living together, the unique relationship, the joy of living together will not disappear. On the contrary, love will reach a new level, more perfect. The apostle wrote: "that which is in part will cease." That is, any imperfection, incompleteness will disappear. Eternal life will be a celebration of love and unity. “Love,” promises us ap. Paul, - never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished. Hear this: love won't stop!

There is an opinion of the Church that all partners will meet at the Last Judgment as spouses. Is it so?

Partners? No. The Church never said that sexual partners would be together in eternity, but, on the contrary, it was said that loving spouses would meet in eternity, because love is an indestructible feeling of the soul, it is an eternal value.

We can recall a number of gospel expressions that tell us that there are certain values ​​that will go with us into eternity.

Remember: "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal." These heavenly treasures are what belongs to the soul. Such things as the kindness and nobility of the soul, inner beauty and purity, again, the will, brought up in opposition to earthly temptations and trained in goodness - all this is capital of such a nature that will never be taken away from a person. (Remember: “Mary chose the good part, which will not be taken away from her.”)

Love is a feeling of the same order.

Describing the blessed life in the Kingdom of Heaven, St. Paul says that there will no longer be prophecies, nor any charismatic gifts (for example, ecstatic speaking in various languages ​​​​- glasollalia, which was sometimes found in early Christian communities) ... But what will not disappear, will not end, right! “Love never ceases, although prophecies will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished ... when the perfect comes, then that which is in part will cease.”

How can it be allowed that those who, according to the Word of God, have become one flesh, which means one being, will be separated?

There really will be no sexual relations in eternity. But true love cannot be reduced to sex alone. And such love will be in the Kingdom of Heaven.

What do you think about the fact that the sexual life of today's youth begins at a fairly early age?

This is true, and this leads, of course, to various sad consequences. One of my parishioners, who spent a stormy youth, went through all sorts of sins, got a lot of trouble through it, and finally turned to God, came up to me and said with horror: “Father Konstantin, I begin to recognize myself in my youth in the behavior of my twelve-year-old daughter. . She is drawn to the same life that I left. How I do not want her to embark on this terrible path, but she does not perceive me. If only I could keep her from the mistakes I went through…”

If a person is looking for a life partner, communicates with one girl, on the other, is this fornication?

Finding a spouse can and should be. We can fall in love, make friends, get to know another in communication, but search and recognition do not imply cohabitation.

Just close relationships can ... confuse young people. Why?

Any communication between two people (especially adults) is a meeting of two worlds with their own habits, outlook on life, and so on. In the course of living together, questions arise that need to be somehow resolved, and sometimes it takes a lot of work to come to a compromise, to a solution that satisfies both parties. And any family life is not complete without it. During the period of courting each other, it is easy (sometimes not easy, but still real) to see what the bride and groom really are. How honest, open to each other, whether they know how to listen and how much they listen to the opinion of another, whether they strive to change, or they do not perceive anything other than their own opinion ...

Sex brings relationships to another level, more tender, trusting. When you are in bed with your beloved / beloved, it is easy to forgive, easy to close your eyes to shortcomings, to dismiss problems.

Now imagine: young people met and began to live together. There is no genuine psychological “recognition” of another person with whom one has to live for decades. Everything seems good, smooth.

The lovers get married. And now, a year later, maybe two, when there is some getting used to each other, when life poses real problems for young people, and sex ceases to be something dizzyingly alluring, but rather becomes a familiar way of marital communication, difficulties arise.

And it turns out that young people do not know how to solve these problems. They didn’t learn when it needed to be learned, that is, before marriage. They haven't learned, they can't, they don't even want to. And they part.

Young spouses with such problems come to our temple almost every day.

But don't you think that if sexual relations do not develop in marriage, then it will not take place? Why not check them out before marriage, so as not to be unhappy all your life? What to do with physiology? Attraction comes before marriage is allowed, masturbation is a sin...

Indeed, marriage can be subjected to a great test because sexual relations did not work out. But why shouldn't they add up? Different sexual needs? But is it insurmountable for loving people? The attentiveness of the spouses, the willingness to listen to the desire of the other, it seems to me, will help to overcome all problems. If, for example, one spouse is tempted, can the other spouse pretend not to care? Be proud of your erotic coolness? It is necessary not to “condescend”, not to “do a favor”, but, remembering that erotic talent is also a gift from God, with all love, tenderness and self-giving, rush to your beloved and be with him.

This, probably, - mutual responsiveness - is the most important thing that guarantees the well-being of marriage in all its elements (and in sexual life, in particular). And you can check responsiveness, you see, before marriage, and not only through the experience of close relationships.

As for attraction... Yes, it awakens before we get married. But man differs from the animal in that he subordinates animal instincts to spiritual attitudes. There is such an Orthodox science - asceticism, which in Greek means the science of exercise. Soul exercises.

Things like fasting, self-restraint, obligatory prayer, the discipline of attending worship, and even the practice of standing at worship, all train the body to obey the soul.

The same with sexual energy: pray for the gift of a loved one and endure.

Which type of development of the situation seems more attractive to you:

- with the awakening of sexual desire to rush to satisfy him, using all possible means available to him ...

- or, feeling that something new has happened to the body, pray for the gift of real, great love, pray for a meeting with the one (or only) for which (which) you keep yourself, keep the flame of eroticism so that all of its unspent and To give pure power to a loved one? ..

As for masturbation (masturbation) - also unequivocally. The Church considers this a sin. Why? Yes, because we can realize sexual feeling only in line with the God-given order of things. in a legitimate family.

Self-satisfaction is a dishonest weakness, and, by the way, the innate moral law itself makes a person who has fallen into this sin feel some kind of impurity, disgust for himself, or something.

But how to find that only companion, sexual partner, if you do not try to communicate with different people? Search - is it also a sin and licentiousness?

We are not talking about finding a sexual partner, but about finding the one and only loved one with whom you will grow old and be with you in eternity. Anyone can become a sexual partner, because it's just someone's body to satisfy certain desires, while the soul of this "partner" remains closed to you.

It's a completely different matter - a person with whom you want to live your whole life. You begin to recognize this person, everything about him is interesting to you and everything is dear. What your loved one lives, what he believes in, what he is inspired by, what helps him overcome sadness and despair, what pleases him, what he sees his role in the destinies of this world.

How to meet such a person? First... you have to fall in love. Or maybe vice versa: you accidentally start talking - and only then, gradually, falling in love will come.

“Trying to communicate,” as the author of the question says, is necessary with different people. But this communication does not imply sexual relations. The trouble with many young people and girls is that they just understand by “communication” close relationships. And these relationships ruin everything. Why? I spoke about this above.

And if two young people decide to live together always, love each other and are sure of each other "one hundred percent", live together, but some factors interfere with marriage (money, family, something else)? Living together in this case is not a sin?

What does "sin", "not sin" mean? Sin is not something that, for some unknown reason, is forbidden to us by God. The literal translation of the Greek word "sin" is missing the target. And this literal translation very accurately reflects the meaning of the concept. Sin is not something attractive, but forbidden. Sin is what prevents us from approaching our goal - God. Therefore, marriage is not a sin, the Christian family has every opportunity to grow in God. Fornication is a sin, it slows down the soul on its spiritual path.

The described situation cannot be correct for two reasons. Firstly, the Christian family begins with the sacrament of the Church, the Sacrament of marriage, the Sacrament of blessing, the beginning of the joint life of young people. This is a very important moment for deeply religious people. We ask for God's blessing for smaller enterprises, especially since we cannot but ask for such a difficult and responsible task as building a family. If money, parental pressure or something else is more significant and important for you than God's help, then it is better to wait until the beginning of family life. Such a life will not rise to the level of a genuine Christian family, since initially your family is oriented more towards worldly values ​​and priorities than towards divine ones. However, everything is very individual here, but the Church knows that the right basis for a lasting marriage is either to ask God's help and overcome difficulties together, or to wait with cohabitation, continue fellowship and pray for the bestowal of strength for a proper Christian marriage.

The Church, which has known (and studied) a person for thousands of years, understands well that a person cannot be completely objective towards himself, and also cannot know in advance how this or that situation will turn out. Unfortunately, there are many examples when people who are absolutely sure of the depth of their feelings realize after a while that they cannot live together. Therefore, the Church advises first to check their feelings, and only then to marry. Abstinence is also a test. And from those who have entered into marriage, the Church requires work on themselves, and even if people understand that they are still mistaken, it will be most correct not to disperse, but to work on relationships.

How to look for a groom if there are most women in the church, and non-church people simply cannot understand Christian (for example, abstinence before marriage) moral standards?

I don't think we should be looking for a groom of a particular denomination. It is better to just pray that the Lord sends a loved one, and live your usual life. Bright, life-affirming, Christianly active. And after some time (maybe even years) you will fall in love. Maybe it will happen in the temple or in the community of young Christians with whom you are doing some business, but maybe at the institute, at work.

Even if your young man is not quite a believer at the time of meeting, in the process of communication, before marriage, you will see how much he knows how to listen, perceive you, how much he respects you. Agree, if a young man says that he doesn’t give a damn about your faith, because he is an atheist, and he will be like that, and doesn’t even want to hear about faith, there is something to think about.

I can't recommend anything more than that. The rest is decided at a personal meeting and conversation with the priest.

A How can you understand that you will live with a person all your life? After all, even love passes with time, and often very quickly?

Of course, when we get married, we risk to a certain extent. We run the risk that the person we love today will cool off towards us after some time, deceive, change, and so on.

But this risk is inevitable.

What can be advised? There is no need to rush into marriage. It is better to spend an extra year talking with a person in order to see him from different angles.

But it's not only that.

Married life is work, a lot of work.

Love will not pass if we put some effort into it (more on that below). And if people enter into marriage who want to work on their relationship in advance, there will be sense. If the young are not going, each for their part, to change, correct themselves, humble themselves, learn relationships - there will be no sense.

Finally, it may happen that, despite all efforts, the relationship does not add up, the marriage breaks up. Well. You can remain a lonely person for the rest of your life, or you can pray that the Lord will send another person with whom everything will work out. For the laity, taking into account all the situations that may arise, the Church allows marriage up to three times. (Priests can only marry once.).

At the same time, the Orthodox Church (specifically Orthodox) allows divorces for a whole list of reasons and a second wedding.

“At the same time” - probably, the author of the note means that we are talking about marriage and family in the highest words. Marriage is indeed a great event and the Sacrament of God, it is an eternal institution. Christ likens the relationship of loving spouses to the mystery of the relationship between Christ and the Church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church.”

But we live on earth, we are imperfect, so let's be realistic. Marriage may fail for a number of reasons. Personal sins of spouses, betrayal, deceit, drug addiction, alcoholism... In order not to turn forced family life into hell, the Orthodox Church allows such a marriage to be dissolved. And remarry. Didn’t the Savior say, referring to the Old Testament permission for divorce, “Moses, because of your hardness of heart, allowed you to divorce your wives”? Pay attention - for cruelty! That is, for sins, for weakness.

Have we become wiser and purer than those ancient people?

Therefore, in modern Orthodox practice that allows divorce, I see only wisdom.

There were betrayals. She confessed. Do I need to tell my spouse about these betrayals? Is it possible or not to keep everything a secret?

Such questions are very individual, and I advise such questions (although, of course, it would be better not to have them) to be solved with a confessor.

If the relationship between the spouses is very close and frank, you can confess.

If there is a danger that the spouse will not be able to forgive and confession will lead to the collapse of the marriage, I think it is better to remain silent. Having repented, never return to such a thing. And, let God forgive, do not forgive yourself. To love, to be gentle, affectionate, especially remembering your fall, but not to injure your loved one with unbearable confessions for him.

I can’t understand, in your view, marriage should be created for procreation or for something else?

I try to speak not about my understanding of what marriage was created for, but about the Orthodox understanding. The Orthodox view is based on the evidence of the Word of God (Bible) and Sacred Tradition (the teaching of God-enlightened holy people).

According to the Orthodox opinion, marriage was created by God:

For completion in the being of husband and wife: “It is not good for a man to be alone; Let us make him a helper suitable for him.” The word "helper" here means "replenishing". Husband and wife complete each other in being. Being single for both a man and a woman is "not good." On this I advise you to read the excellent work of S. Troitsky "The Christian Philosophy of Marriage". This is the best that has been written on the subject of marriage, although the book was first published over 70 years ago.

For the birth and upbringing of children: be fruitful and multiply.

For the fulfillment of God's Plan for the world: "fill the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that creeps on the earth"; "The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to dress it and keep it."

There are other Divine reasons for marriage, but these three are the main ones.

I have had three abortions in my life. Am I cursed now? Separated from God? What to do?

A person is separated from God when he has committed a sin and bears this sin in himself. Like an unpulled splinter, this sin will torment the soul, the soul will ache. But there is another option: change! Come to the temple, repent and start a new, clean and good life. To such a person, the Lord forgives the sins committed.

Abortion is a big sin. And according to strict church canons, the person who made it must be excommunicated from Communion for at least 10 years (if the husband insisted on an abortion, then both the wife and the husband are excommunicated)! But the Church, like a tender mother, hurries to the aid of the penitent and can admit a woman, even one who has had several abortions, to church life. According to modern practice, we do not excommunicate a woman who had an abortion in a former, non-Christian life. We give her penance, that is, some kind of obedience, we deal with a word (sometimes harsh!) Of admonition, but we cover it with love.

But this, I repeat, refers to abortions performed by a woman before her conversion to Christ. And it is a completely different matter when a Christian woman repents of abortion. Recently, I was simply struck by the situation when spouses who came to St. Petersburg to work, people who are deeply religious and church-going, said that they had an abortion. Because the child will interfere with their business. I asked: “What will you do if it turns out again that your wife is pregnant? ..” After a pause, they answered: “We don’t know ...”.

In this case, the priest applies the most stringent spiritual measures. I excommunicated these people from Communion for the entire period until they “know” how to act in this situation. And he said that I do not allow you to enter the temple at all, but to pray only at the entrance.

After some time, these people came and said that if the Lord would like the wife to become pregnant again (with all precautions), they would treat this as a gift from God and accept the child with joy.

… In any case, I want to remind you that if we repent with all our hearts, the Lord will forgive us any sin. But one should not be afraid of confession and communication with a priest, a priest, even if he says harsh things, wants only good for us.

What is the meaning of Christ's answer that after death people "do not marry and are not given in marriage, but are like the angels of God in Heaven"? How does this relate to marriage continuing into eternity?

In eternity, marriage will not disappear. It's just that in the Kingdom of Heaven there will be no physiological (in our sense) processes. Reproduction, sexual life, etc.

But the love of spouses cannot be reduced to the communication of bodies. It is, first of all, the communion of souls. Just this communication will remain.

But in the Kingdom of God, a person will not suffer from a lack of sexual life. I will give an example, not quite, maybe correct, the first thing that comes to mind. We know that in old age, sexual desires in spouses fade away. But love does not disappear. It's just that a person goes to another (not the highest, but simply another) level of existence. But, you see, spouses who have lived together for 60 years are not sad that there is no sex in their lives now. It used to be, and thank God for it, but now a different time has come. They are just good to be together. Take care of each other, walk, talk. It is the same in the heavenly life. We will become so different when the world is transformed that we will experience happiness from this new experience of existence. This new will immeasurably surpass everything that was before: “eye has not seen, ear has not heard, and it has not entered the heart of man, which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

The habits and mores of society in modern times have made it possible to trample on some postulates of the Old Testament: we do not kill animals on Sundays, we do not sprinkle blood on the altar. Why can't we reconsider our attitude to sex?

In the Holy Scriptures of the Old Testament, there are eternal things, and there are temporary things, due to some moment in the history or life of God's people. The eternal, for example, include the 10 Commandments of Moses, or the Decalogue. Laws such as Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, cannot be revised.

In the New Testament, Christ not only did not abolish the moral Old Testament commandments, but strengthened them: “... I tell you, if your righteousness does not surpass the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, then you will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. You have heard what the ancients said: do not commit adultery. But I tell you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

But the ritual moments, advice regarding the dispensation of the life of the people can be reviewed.

Many argue that same-sex love (between girls or young people) is no different from normal relationships between a man and a woman. It's the same love. Why does the Church disapprove of such relationships?

If I understand correctly, we are talking about cohabitation, and not just friendship between people of the same sex. Because the Church has nothing against the sincere love that can exist between friends.

The church is really against homosexual intercourse. Why? Too big a question, but at least not because, as one hears, the Church stands guard over medieval notions that stifle the freedom of life.

And not because, as they also say, that the meaning of marriage is in the birth and upbringing of children, and same-sex marriages do not give birth.

Why is the Church against homosexual relations?

The Church sees our world through the prism of God's Plan. According to this plan, a man and a woman are created, two completely unique psychophysical worlds that must meet and become complete. We read about this in the story of the creation of the first people: “And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone; Let us make him a helper suitable for him.” Here, as I have already said, the word helper is more correctly translated as replenishing. How does a woman complete a man? In the very being.

And what does corresponding to him mean? This word should be understood as the one that would have been before him. Adam needs Eve as the one in which he could see himself. The Holy Fathers said that it is very important to see yourself through the prism of a different view. To see oneself as if from the outside, which means to see shortcomings, to correct, to become more perfect. Find the fullness of life in your husband / wife, reveal your character as much as possible, all the good and beautiful that is in your soul, see everything dark and evil and get rid of it ...

It is this ontological task facing spouses. And, of course, the mercy of God, if God gave the spouses children. But even if there are no children, this does not mean that the marriage is defective, not real. After all, the main task is still achievable - gaining the fullness of life and the salvation of the soul.

So homosexuality can in no way be called an element of God's Plan for the world. Yes, this is a fashionable phenomenon of the subculture (the lifestyle of musicians, people of art), but its approval is nothing more than an encouragement of sin.

It is more difficult with congenital homosexual inclinations (about 5% of all homosexuals of such people). But even here the Church, unconditionally sympathizing with sick people (and congenital physical or mental anomalies of a sexual nature are precisely a disease), does not approve of this. For example, if a person has pathological sexual inclinations (sadism, sexual attraction to children, fetishism, etc.), no one will approve of this. The Church, I repeat once again, sympathizes with such people, but says that the most correct solution to the issue will be the humble bearing of this vital cross (and understanding this inclination, precisely as a cross), refraining from homosexual encounters. And through this man will be saved.

Do you think the government should legally allow same-sex marriage? For example, in America homosexuals fight for the right to marry each other.

As for the legislative sanction for such relations, I am against it. Legislation should not encourage or sanction sin, evil, even if it is so socially non-aggressive. Let homosexuals live together, if they want, there is no need to persecute anyone, of course, who and with whom to live is a personal matter for everyone. But a legislative statement should not equate this untruth of life with the truth. It seems to me that at the state level, no sin should have support, although by indulgence in human infirmities at the everyday level, we can put up with something.

 ( (Robin Norwood)
How to overcome love addiction (part 2) ( Robin Norwood)
Is it possible to marry for love? ( Priest Ilya Shugaev)
Is parental consent required for marriage? ( Elena Chemekova, psychologist)
Why You Shouldn't Lose Your Virginity Before Marriage ( Priest Ilya Shugaev)
Bride and groom. Betrothal. wedding ( Archpriest Maxim Kozlov)
About marriage and family life St. Empress Alexandra Feodorovna Romanova)
Mystery of love. Talk about Christian marriage Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh)