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The best ways to recognize true love. Science Proven Symptoms of Love Signs of True Love

The best ways to recognize true love. Science Proven Symptoms of Love Signs of True Love

03.08.2023

We all wonder, “Is this for real?” when we think about our relationships.GoroskopGurucollected the main signs of true love, so that you can surely understand whether “that person” is really next to you.

Signs of true love - you are always yourself

If before you meet your loved one, you do not spend the whole day in a beauty salon - this is already a pretty good sign. This does not mean that you should not try to always look "on top". No no! It’s just that sometimes you feel, for example, tired or irritated, and you don’t want to stand at the mirror for a thousand hours, so that later you can show off in front of your partner for several hours. And in general, you are not shy to joke with him as if he is actually your girlfriend. You are not worried at all, your man about some specific things. You and him are first and foremost friends.

Do you like being different?

We all know the phrase “opposites attract”. This, by the way, is often true! The main thing is not to forget that this very opposite only at first seems to us an interesting, mysterious feature. And when several years pass, it usually becomes the main cause of your irritation! If you accept the “difference” of your partner and are sure that this will be the case for the rest of your life, then this is definitely your person.

You are accomplices

You have fun together, fool around, go to all sorts of institutions, mess around and generally have fun to the fullest. And if this person would have left your life, then you would have lost, and not just your loved one. But there is no need to think about the bad! If you feel like this, then this is another sign that your love is not just a temporary passion.

Signs of true love - you are better around him

If you have a normal relationship with a partner, then you never doubt your own charm. But you want to become more and more better, so that your loved one looks at you with admiration.

You are sincerely happy for each other's success

It's quite strange, but many people have difficulty when they realize that their loved one is better than themselves in some ways. It is difficult for them to accept the achievements of a partner. They begin to feel disadvantaged. Especially often this situation occurs if a woman is more successful than a man. If you have, then he should rejoice at your every victory, even the smallest one. And be proud of you! And even better, if he also boasts to his friends, what a fine fellow you are!

Caring for each other

Caring is the foundation of true love. And it should appear not only on holidays, but constantly! If you listen to each other's requests, try to cheer up and make it pleasant - then everything is fine! That's how it should be! But if you understand that you have to work for two in order to please your loved one, then something is wrong.

Trusting relationship

This does not mean that you need to tell each other every little detail of your day. This is simply not necessary. And in general, each person has a small secret corner inside, a “mysterious garden”, so to speak, in which we grow our poisonous thorns ... But all other feelings must be voiced and discussed with your loved one!

Signs of true love - general plans

You understand how good you are now. And you know perfectly well that it will be even better! Because it's nice to think about the future together and plan for it. It inspires you even in your darkest moments! You have exactly the same understanding of life, so you dream about the same thing. And at the same time strive for this dream!

You don't feel like fixing each other

No, I don't want to. Because it is impossible. This is an illusion. Yes, you don’t even think about it, because you love your partner the way he is.

Well, did at least a few points coincide? Ideally, everything should match. But even if there are few coincidences - do not be discouraged. This means that you have something to work on. After all, it’s not like that by nature, but thanks to constant hard work.

Not everyone can answer the question of what love is, and sometimes they don’t even try to ask themselves this question.

What is true love

True love embodies:

Mercy
Empathy for others
Patience
Compliance
The ability to forgive

The diseases that our body suffers from are the result of erroneous thoughts and actions, but love is the best remedy for ailments, it is a weapon that is able to defeat any evil, overcome any obstacles and make life better.

Real love- it is a source of energy, due to which everything lives and multiplies on earth. This is a powerful, positive energy of incredible strength.

True love and its basic feelings

The main components of the feeling of love are:

calmness
Harmony
Pleasure
Happiness
Inner freedom of man

This magnificent multifaceted feeling descended to people from God or, to put it differently, from the Universal Mind.

How to recognize true love and make a union for love

True love is manifested only in those moments when our feelings, thoughts and actions are united!

"You are my Love! Without you, my life is not sweet! – says a man to a woman in the morning… Unfortunately, in the evening he can forget about what was said and go to another. Words of love and true love are two different things.

Words that are not backed up by feelings and actions do not bring happiness or benefit to anyone..

Often unlucky for those who fall in love with lightning speed (love at first sight), because such love flares up like a match, and just like a match, it fades from the first breath of the breeze. Rapid love and sexual attraction are not able to create a stable long-term marriage.

Before marriage, a person must clearly understand why he is doing this: in order to be with a person together and enjoy it, or in order to give birth and raise children. It is rare when young spouses think about this. They get married, have children, and then get divorced because a man cannot become a good father or a woman does not suit a man as a mother of a child. In such a situation, spouses often look for the emotions they need on the side.

When concluding a marriage union, it is necessary to focus not only on mutual attraction, but also to use your mind. It is worth considering everything and realizing what this marriage is for, what good is in a partner, how long you can be with each other.

You can find out if this is the right person, if true love connects you, if you will feel good together, for example: go to the store with him and try to choose some thing together.

Sometimes it happens that a man initially marries without love, but realizing that a woman will be a good wife and mother. In such cases, very often love comes, as gratitude for mutual understanding and warm relations in the family. Just such love is long-term and real.

True parental love

The true love of parents for their baby involves accepting him for who he is.. Provided that we fully accept our child, we do not seek to protect him from everything in the world, trying to impose our opinion on everything, giving him unnecessary advice, telling him how to live.

We must value the child not as a continuation and realization of our plans and aspirations, but as an independent person with his own character, ideas, aspirations and the right to make mistakes and learn from life. You should only give small hints, but never force you to live by your own rules. Unfortunately, the child is often forced to do what is alien to him, for example, in choosing a profession. After such a born musician becomes a mediocre lawyer, which does not bring him happiness.

You should always remember that often children come to us for karmic work. And in a situation where we are angry with children, we express our dissatisfaction, trying to direct them in the right direction - this is purely our problem, which has nothing to do with the child, because he will always consider himself right, not you.

In fact, true love for a child is true happiness and pleasure, it is joy that knows no boundaries, peace and inner harmony. However, it is not so easy to achieve such feelings and love a child with all your heart.

Often parents are overly worried about the child, trying to lay straws – because the child, of course, will fall, and with straws the pain will not be so strong. By such actions, parents create a lot of problems for their children.

After all, if the baby does not agree with his parents, he resists them, gets angry and worries, and these unpleasant emotions lead to the fact that negative energy accumulates around him. In such a situation, the child may begin to serve the forces of evil. It is also possible that he is not on the path that was prepared for him and that his mother and father would have desired.

Often parents do such things, say such words that lead to the fact that the Higher Forces take the life of their child in order to let such parents understand that they are not Gods, but that there is someone above them who determines the life of everyone in this world.

How to achieve the love of others and comprehend true love

There is one important point that we often forget about: you should never be stingy to show love from yourself.
It is important, when experiencing feelings for a person, to think about him, and not about yourself. You need to understand what is best for him and do it. This is not only about the relationship between husband and wife, but also any human relationship, because only true love for others is a direct path to happiness and harmony.

Always remember this simple rule, and you will realize how much warmth and kindness to people can give you in return.

In any situation and at any time, the people around you will feel the positive energy emanating from you. They will see you as a real person, and feel those positive feelings that you "breathe" and share with everyone, radiating love for all living things that are around you.

The ability to hear and understand, to sympathize with another person is inherent in anyone on this planet. The ability to remove fear, anger, anxiety, envy, greed, rage from your soul, as well as the ability to fill your heart with true love for others and give it to everyone who needs it so much, without skimping on emotions, is in each of us.

But, unfortunately, not everyone is able to recognize these valuable qualities in themselves and bring the light and harmony of pure love into this world. To comprehend love, you must first of all fight with your shortcomings, becoming better and kinder to others.

How is love for the motherland, parents, children, man and woman manifested? Each of these manifestations are individual. The main thing is to express your feelings correctly and soberly. The best advice from psychologists is: "Learn to listen and hear your partner." This is the key to building relationships. Of course, on the part of men and women, the manifestation of love feelings is presented in different ways. But having a common denominator in life and understanding a companion is a very important thing in any relationship.

Signs of love

According to psychologists, there are a number of signs that determine the feeling of love. Consider the most striking, not requiring deep mental proceedings characteristic features:

No doubt. A sense of confidence in the correctness of the choice, despite the conversations and advice of others.
Love is just like that. When you love and can not answer the question: "For what?". In the case of real feelings, it is impossible to determine for what parameters and properties you manifest and feel it.
Bilateral development. If one will try, the other will not, then the question of the authenticity of feelings will arise.
One side view. Love is not when two people look at each other, but when they look in the same direction. Everything is simple.
Silence is gold. To be able to just be silent with a person is not given to everyone. And only a loving heart is capable of understanding, accepting another and keeping silent in silence, without unnecessary words and emotions.
Love is proof. For everyone it has its own meaning. But in any situation, in any problem, a person has a choice - to stay with his companion or leave. All of us make this choice. And sometimes every day.

How to recognize feelings?

Surely every person in his life experiences this wonderful feeling of love. But there are many cases where it is difficult to recognize them. To understand what you feel for a person, you can simply answer a few questions. Just be honest and frank. Questions to help recognize love:

What do you like about a partner? Love is everything. And sometimes it’s even impossible to say why you love him. It's not looks or charisma. These feelings are deeper. The object of love is accepted completely with all the pluses and minuses.
Do you accept all the qualities of a partner? There are no specific characteristics for which you love. Everything is accepted in real feelings. No questions, no rules.
Did this feeling flare up or grow out of friendships? More often love outgrows from good or friendly relations. It doesn't look like passion. She is calm and confident. Love grows, not ignites like a flame.
Do you consider the opinions of others? The opinion of friends and relatives is always taken into account. Let it not always be taken into account. But hearing and listening to others is possible in the case of true love.
Does jealousy show up in a relationship? If you feel for a partner, then there is no envy. You rejoice in all his beginnings and victories. Do you want to help achieve your cherished dream? And just be there in these happy moments for him.
Feelings are constant or have some basis? Love has no reason. She is unchanging no matter what. Even in moments of quarrel and contention. True love feelings remain forever.
How do feelings affect your personality? Genuine emotions awaken in a person the desire for the best. All positive qualities are only gaining strength. Love fills with happiness and confidence. There is no fear or anxiety in her.

Parents' love

How often do adults, in pursuit of their own ambitions, for the opinions of others, forget to ask their children what they need? In the modern world, parents are trying to provide their children financially, to give them a better education, to enroll in more sections, circles ... And then time passes, the child grows up and suddenly shows dissatisfaction that he did not receive that same parental love. The points of contact with the child are lost. He grew up and became, as it were, a stranger with his own interests ...

What is it?

First of all, you need to know how parental love manifests itself and what it consists of. In accepting that the child is a separate person, and not an extension of you, he should not have the talents and skills that parents attribute to him. The child is a separate person. A separate, unique flower. And parental love and duty is to study this little creature given to us by God, to support and develop what the baby has by nature and in which he shows interest. Parents should accept the child for who he is and not try to grow an orange from an apple tree.

Further, what is parental love. In self-giving. Somewhere even in the service of the child. It does not say that it is necessary to fulfill all the whims and say goodbye to your parents with your life. No. But life will have to change. It is necessary to be a mentor to a child, an example. An example of an ideal person. After all, where else can a child look for an example, except in the family. This is what self-giving is. Listen at the right moment, even if there is no time. Talk heart to heart. Do not punish, but instruct on the right path. Punishment, by the way, is also love. The parent, as an experienced person, sets limits for the child - what is possible and what is not. It gives freedom, but not impunity and self-will, thereby protecting the child from evil, from himself, from rash acts, instructs the child how to live correctly, showing by example.

How to recognize the love of parents?

Parental love is where heart-to-heart talk, communication and joint walks. Parents love their children without asking for anything in return. This is given to us by nature. Through self-sacrifice, through care, through acceptance, parents give their love to their children. The connection between parents and a child is initially very strong, mom and dad are idols for the baby, the whole world. It's so hard to break that very bond. You need to love the child, accept him as he is and go along with him through life, helping him. It is important to always communicate heart to heart with the child, to take care without demanding return, selflessly. At the same time, you should understand each of your actions, why what is being done, what is brought up by this act.

Protecting the child, first of all from himself, but also from the outside world, you will never break this connection with the little man. And she will always be like an invisible thread between the child and the parents.

Child love

The love of a child is considered the purest and most sincere. He loves not for something, but simply because he loves. Children's love for parents manifests itself in different ways, but always has a disinterested basis. Until the age of three, a child learns to show love. Unconsciously copying his parents, he tries to show his feelings the way they do.

The love of a child is manifested in those moments when he hugs and kisses his parents. This behavior is typical for children under three years of age. Further, they form an idea of love against the background of the relationship of their parents. The girl tries to be like her mother, and the boy copies the behavior of his father.

A child's love for parents is never exhausted. Even, for example, children who were taken from their parents run away from shelters to dissuade them and call for treatment. Such incorruptibility is astonishing. After all, growing up a child realizes the essence of the situation and, perhaps, will show condemnation. But in the soul of the baby, an acquittal is always ready.

Of course, it is believed that maternal love is the strongest. But in comparison with children's feelings, even she is imperfect. The love of a child is free and pure. In all manifestations, she is filled with tenderness and kindness.

Mother's love

Maternal love is perhaps the strongest love in the life of every person. This is a selfless, inexhaustible, tender feeling for your child, which is able to overcome any obstacles. Such a feeling is distinguished by a special thrill, because only a mother is capable of such emotional experiences for her child, dedication and sincere care.

self-sacrifice

To the question “How is maternal love manifested?”, one can answer that for the most part it manifests itself in self-sacrifice. Only a mother is able to fully understand, forgive and support her children, despite life's circumstances. She is ready to give the last to help her child, ready to give her life for him. Such boundless love is not uncommon; for a mother, first of all, the life and well-being of her children is important. She puts all her strength to educate and raise worthy citizens of her Fatherland, worthy of her children. Child and mother are interconnected:

family ties;
heart;
soul.

For a child, the mother personifies all the kindness and affection of the world, and the mother is attached to the child and feels him at a distance. Separation is hard for her, and a long absence of news about the child dooms the mother to suffering and longing.

There is another maternal love, excessive and unacceptable. Due to immoderate care and guardianship, a child can grow up spoiled, lazy and dependent. But, first of all, education should be aimed at adapting a person to society.

How is a man's love for a woman manifested?

Many of the fair sex are looking for the answer to the question. But many do not even think that by showing a little attention, the answer will come by itself. Consider some behavioral acts and manifestations of a loving man:

A man is constant in sexual attraction. Tenderness and care come later. If a man shows constant sexual interest in a woman, this indicates deep feelings.
A man allows a woman to enter his life. He allows her to make some changes in his usual bachelor lifestyle, gives her the opportunity to manage some situations that do not require important decisions. A man gradually reveals all aspects of his life to his companion.
Care and attention. If unexpectedly a woman receives a gift or small amenities, then this indicates serious feelings on the part of a man. This means that he is attentive to the desires of his chosen one and wants to give her joy.
Soul attraction. In this manifestation, a man makes it clear that he wants to know everything about a woman. He wants to talk to her more often, call, write, meet her from work, discuss the purchase and just be silent over a cup of tea. With such a manifestation of love, one should not even doubt its sincerity.

A woman's love for a man

Considering the characteristic features of the manifestation of female love for a man, one should not forget that there are frequent cases of mistaking a feeling of passion for love. This is where the genuine parameters will help manifest as follows:

Filled with inspiration and seems to fly like a butterfly. She does not have pink glasses, she sees everything and clearly understands. The mind is clear and consciousness perceives reality.
Ready to give and give. Such behavior is characteristic only for love. A woman is ready to give a man all of herself, entirely and without a trace. Dissolve in him, in his life and everyday life. Ready to give joy every day.
Never compares his man with anyone. It becomes the center of strength and courage. For her, everyone else is just ordinary people, but he is the subject of stamina, confidence and protection.
The woman is worried and worried. In a relationship with a man, a loving woman tries to know and understand him more and more. Shows care and worries in case of a bad premonition.
Complete trust. The woman completely gives the reins of power to the man. She trusts and does not allow the thought of doubt. True love is manifested in a trusting relationship on both sides.
A woman does not lose her head and soberly looks at life. She does not lose her self-esteem, even in moments of complete surrender to her beloved.

Where is love shown? What does it consist of? To understand the opposite sex, you just need to observe a little of his behavior, words, actions. From this we draw conclusions about upcoming plans, dreams and a general vision of family happiness. Comparing them with your own, it will become clear what and how to move. Even if at the beginning of a relationship it seems that the paths diverge, it is worth trying a few more tips in practice. Learn to respect the opinions and desires of your future or current spouse.

This behavior will give impetus to the development of trust and understanding. There is no person who does not care that they do not listen and do not try to take a personal opinion. Respect is the foundation of any relationship. Even when a married couple is 60 years old and they have deep respect for each other, this creates a reliable and strong rear. True love does not require, it tries to give, to give.

Not everyone can learn to love like that. But applying the advice of psychologists can achieve this.

So what is true, true love? What are its manifestations? Let's turn to the Bible. The essence of true love is revealed by the apostle Paul in his famous hymn, in the First Epistle to the Corinthians.

“... There is no fear in perfect love, but perfect love casts out fear, because there is torment in fear; he who fears is imperfect in love. Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, does not pride itself, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished. And now these three remain: faith, hope, love, but love is the greater of them.

It is difficult to add anything to what has been said, but it is possible to highlight individual points and consider them in more detail.

"Love never ends". Eternity can be called a very important feature of true love. Everything that cannot be eternal has no right to be called love. What is left out of a relationship? Passion, love. After their extinction, at best, emptiness, indifference, sometimes bright memories arise, at worst - negative painful emotions: hatred, despair.

If love is really true, then a marriage built on this foundation must be eternal. Ideally, spouses remain faithful throughout their lives, even after their death. Of course, not everyone, having become a widow, can no longer marry, therefore, in the church, a second wedding is allowed as a condescension to our weakness. “It would be better for you not to marry anymore, but if you cannot bear this feat, then enter,” says the Church.

And there is no doubt that the unity of souls that arises among spouses during life, if the spouses truly love, will also take place after death, since the eternity of love extends not only to earthly life, but goes beyond death. An example can be given from the life of Xenia of Petersburg. She was widowed at the age of twenty-six and had no children. The unexpected death of her beloved husband so strongly struck Ksenia Grigoryevna that she turned all her ideas about the earthly world and human happiness upside down. She took her husband's departure to another world as her own death.

The life of the ascetic reports that she did not enter into a new marriage and voluntarily took upon herself the feat of the foolishness of Christ for the sake of it. To people she seemed insane; in fact, her actions were filled with deep spiritual meaning. Renouncing her former name, Xenia took the name of her late husband and wore his suit. The blessed one assured that it was Xenia who died, and readily responded if she was called Andrei Fedorovich. Thus, with her imaginary madness, she denounced the madness of this world, including a frivolous attitude towards marital intimacy and fidelity.

"Love does not seek its own." That is, a person loves another for nothing, unlike falling in love, when they often love for something and because: he is strong, handsome, smart, wealthy, etc. True love is unconditional love. How to understand it? Think of your parents or children. If you ask: "Why do we love them?" - then it is difficult to answer this question, since individual characteristics, of course, are not a reason for unconditional love.

We love both parents and children only for what they are, for who they are. In a marriage with true love, spouses love each other only because this particular person is your half (regardless of appearance, financial situation, etc.).

Sometimes there are married couples where the husband or wife is far from handsome, but what a reverent, tender relationship, what care for each other! As priest Ilya Shugaev figuratively notes: “The appearance of a person is a cloudy glass. From a distance, you can only see the glass itself, but you cannot see what is behind it. But when you cling to such glass, you see only what is behind this glass, but you no longer see the glass itself.

In this regard, we can recall the famous fairy tale "The Scarlet Flower". The youngest merchant's daughter fell in love with the ugly monster for his love and kindness to her. Love for an invisible friend helped the girl overcome fear and disgust for his visible image. Ugliness, ugly appearance - all this was conquered by love. Appearance receded into the background. As a result, a transformation took place: the “beast of the forest” became a young prince, “a handsome man with a royal crown on his head.”

“Love is long-suffering,” and indeed, patience, overcoming all sorts of difficulties and obstacles are the central characteristics of mature, true love.

In fairy tales and legends, the theme of marriage and love is closely connected with the theme of trials and difficulties that spouses have to overcome. This is a typical ending of folk tales: having passed through fire, water and copper pipes, having overcome and atoned for their mistakes, he and she find each other, find, as they used to say, their “betrothed”.

An interesting word is "narrowed". It expresses faith: it was destined to meet with the chosen one. And when two meet, they get to know each other. Often people look for each other, as in the famous fairy tale: "Go there, I don't know where, bring something, I don't know what." But they immediately understand when that very fateful meeting takes place.

One situation comes to mind.

Oksana and Stepan, having already been together for several years in a happy, prosperous marriage, did not cease to be surprised, recalling their first meeting. The future spouses met unexpectedly: Oksana was late for work and stopped a passing car driven by Stepan. As later both confessed to each other, they immediately realized that the real meeting took place. By what signs? It is difficult to explain it in words. Both felt that their hearts seemed to turn over in their chests and then began to beat faster, words were not required. Later life confirmed the truth of the first feelings that grew into true love.

The real life of the spouses is filled with all sorts of trials, overcoming which the two really become “one flesh”. In this regard, another example comes to mind, described by the Orthodox author Marina Kravtsova.

Natasha and Alexei got married early, right after school. At the age of twenty, they already had two children. Twins were born, Irochka and Larisa. Everything was going great. She had her own apartment, Alexey worked, Natasha was happy to do household chores. And then a terrible thing happened: Alexei was hit by a car. And a handsome young man lay bedridden. And, much worse, he was sentenced to lifelong infirmity and real estate. The tragedy that broke out in the family did not break Natasha. Not a single day did she doubt that she would remain with her husband. Although everyone who knew her - friends, former teachers - insisted that sooner or later she would have to arrange her female fate

Understand, - they said kindly, - you are still a girl, and he is a cripple. Is this how you spend your youth? Look at you, you're a beauty, everyone on the street looks at you.

It was true. Natasha is very pretty. And not only the face is beautiful, but the soul is beautiful.

I once made my choice, - she said, as she snapped. And no other "well-wisher" dared to open his mouth. For eight years, Natasha selflessly cared for Lesha. The girls grew up. She worked, almost did not meet with any of her friends, she just had no time. And most importantly, Natasha did not believe the doctors who treated Alexei. She was constantly trying to find a specialist who could put her beloved on his feet. And found. The way she believed in the healing of her husband, the way she selflessly and devotedly served the family, could not be in vain. Alexei got to his feet. He feels like a complete person. And, of course, this is the merit of Natasha, a woman who knows how to love.

Love is “merciful,” in other words, it forgives everything. Indeed, forgiveness is one of the main signs of true love. We are all different, with our own personality traits, habits, passions. And often not everything is pleasant in the spouse. How you sometimes want to start reshaping, remaking your husband or wife. After all, it seems that just a little bit more and he (or she) will understand everything and will behave better, change. However, if this does not happen, how often do we feel resentment, anger: “After all, I tried so hard for him!”

In this regard, it is worth recalling the situation described by the holy elder Paisios the Athonite.

A young man who lived in a worldly way began to have feelings for a girl who lived a spiritual life. In order for the girl to reciprocate, he also tried to lead a spiritual life, go to church. They merried. But years passed, and he returned to his former worldly life. They already had grown children. But in spite of everything, this man continued to live dissolutely. He earned a lot of money, but spent almost everything on his depraved life. The frugality of the unfortunate wife kept their household from collapse, with her advice she helped the children to stay on the right path. She did not condemn her husband, so that the children would not begin to dislike him and would not get emotionally traumatized, and also so that they would not be carried away by the lifestyle that he led. When her husband came home late at night, it was relatively easy for her to justify him to the children: she said that he had a lot of work. But what was she supposed to say when in broad daylight he showed up at the house with his mistress? ... He called his wife and ordered various dishes, and in the afternoon he came to dine with one of his mistresses. The unfortunate mother, wishing to protect her children from bad thoughts, received them cordially. She presented the case in such a way that her husband's mistress was supposedly her friend and her husband drove to this "girlfriend" home to bring her to visit them by car. She sent the children to other rooms to learn lessons so that they would not see some indecent scene, because her husband, not paying attention to the children, even allowed himself obscenities in front of them. This was repeated day after day. Every now and then he came with a new mistress. It got to the point that the children began to ask her: “Mom, how many friends do you have?”

“Ah, these are just old acquaintances!” she answered. And besides, her husband treated her like a servant, and even worse. He treated her very cruelly and inhumanly. The nightmare continued for several years. One day this man was driving a car and fell into an abyss. The car crashed, and he himself received very serious injuries. He was taken to the hospital. And the doctors, having done what they could, sent him home. He became crippled. None of his mistresses even visited him, because he no longer had a lot of money, and his face was mutilated. However, his wife carefully looked after him, not reminding him of anything from his prodigal life. He was shocked and it changed him spiritually. He sincerely repented

(invite a priest to him, confess, lived for several years as a Christian, having inner peace, and rested in the Lord. After his death, the eldest son took his place in business and supported the family. The children of this man lived very friendly, because they inherited from their mother's good principles In order to save her family from disintegration, and her children from bitter sorrow, she drank their bitter cups herself.

"Love endures everything." True love is sacrificial. How to understand it? Sacrifice is an opportunity to push your interests into the background for the sake of another, even when they seem so important. This is an opportunity to give up something valuable for yourself for the sake of your neighbor. There may be many options. In this regard, an example comes to mind.

Oksana and Nikolai got married while still at the institute. She is a promising future children's doctor, he is a researcher. Everyone around them considered them a brilliant couple with great career prospects. But life has placed other accents. The first child, a girl who appeared in the family, completely turned Oksana's plans around. She did not expect that so much attention to the baby would be required. All forces, all care were directed to her. In addition, the piled-up economic affairs took away all the forces. Help was nowhere to be found. The husband was forced to abandon his scientific career, he took on almost any job, if it gave at least some money.

The girl grew up, Oksana was finally able to go to her favorite job. Just feeling professionally in demand, she realized that she was expecting a second child. The situation was aggravated by the fact that the management of the institution where Oksana worked was going to send her to an expensive internship in her specialty, which opened up great prospects in the future. What to do? Nikolai was adamant: "We will have a child," he snapped. Oksana was forced to accept. A boy was born. It is difficult to convey what Oksana had to endure, who ended up with two babies in her arms. The husband was practically not at home, trying to find income. Illnesses, upbringing, kindergarten, study, additional education, music school... Oksana had to give up her dreams of a career.

Of course, this is a very serious sacrifice for the sake of children. But life also consists of everyday, at first glance, small concessions, and sometimes loving people give each other the most precious thing they have.

A wonderful example of sacrifice was described by the famous author O. Henry in his story "Gifts of the Magi".

“One dollar eighty-seven cents. That was all... And tomorrow is Christmas. The only thing that could be done here was to slam on the old couch and cry. That's exactly what Della did... Della stopped crying and walked the powder puff over her cheeks. She was now standing at the window and looking despondently at the gray cat walking along the gray fence along the gray yard... She suddenly jumped away from the window and rushed to the mirror. Her eyes sparkled, but the color drained from her face in twenty seconds. With a quick movement, she pulled out the hairpins and loosened her hair. It must be said that the Jung couple had two treasures that were the subject of their pride. One is Jim's gold watch that belonged to his father and grandfather, the other is Della's hair...

And then Della's beautiful hair fell apart, shining and shimmering like the jets of a chestnut waterfall. They descended below the knees and wrapped almost the entire figure in a cloak. But she immediately, nervous and in a hurry, began to pick up again. Then, as if hesitating, she stood motionless for a minute, and two or three tears fell on the shabby red carpet.

An old brown jacket on her shoulders, an old brown hat on her head - and, tossing her skirts, flashing with wet sparkles in her eyes, she was already rushing down to the street.

The sign at which she stopped read: "All kinds of hair products."

Will you buy my hair? she asked madam.

I buy hair, - answered madam. - Take off your hat, we need to look at the goods. The chestnut waterfall flowed again.

Twenty dollars,” said madam, habitually weighing the thick mass in her hand.

The next two hours flew by on pink wings... Finally she found it. No doubt it was made for Jim, only for him. It was a platinum chain for a pocket watch, a simple and strict pattern...

At home, Della's excitement subsided and gave way to forethought and calculation. She took out her curling iron, lit the gas, and began to repair the damage caused by generosity combined with love ... Jim stood motionless at the door, like a setter smelling a quail. His eyes rested on Dela with an expression that she could not understand, and she became afraid ... He just looked at her without taking his eyes off, and his face

Ero didn't change his strange expression... - Did you cut your hair? Jim asked with tension, as if, despite the increased brain activity, he still could not grasp this fact ... Jim took a bundle from his coat pocket and threw it on the table. "Don't get me wrong, Dell," he said. - No hairstyle and haircut can make me stop loving my girl. But unfold this bundle, and then you will understand why I was a little taken aback at the first minute. Quick, nimble fingers tore at the twine and paper. There was a cry of delight, immediately - alas! - purely feminine, replaced by a stream of tears and groans, so that it was necessary to immediately apply all the sedatives that were at the disposal of the owner of the house. For there were combs on the table, the same set of combs - one back and two side ones - which Della had long admired reverently in one Broadway window. Lovely combs, real tortoiseshell, with glittering pebbles set into the edges, and just the color of her brown hair.

Then she jumped up like a scalded kitten and exclaimed. After all, Jim had not yet seen her wonderful gift. She hurriedly handed him the chain in her open palm. Matte precious metal seemed to play in the rays of her stormy and sincere joy...

Dell," said Jim, "we'll have to hide our gifts for now, let them lie down for a while. They are too good for us now. I sold the watch to buy you combs. And now, perhaps, it's time to fry the cutlets "...

So, a wonderful story of the sacrifice of young loving people who gave the most precious thing they had to please each other. And this, probably, is true love, which is the most valuable gift that you can give to each other.

What else is characteristic of true love?

Real, true love has a sense of self-renewal. If a marriage is built on the initially correct spiritual foundations, then the moment of meeting (as an experience of a constantly renewing feeling) is always present for the spouses. It happens that spouses spend most of their time together: they work together, rest together, rejoice and grieve together. And, most importantly, they do not get tired of each other, but, on the contrary, more and more open up new facets, new features in each other. Why is this happening?

In true love, the personality reveals itself and helps the loved one to open up. If sensual pleasures and passion inevitably lead to satiety, then mature love is not satiated - a loved one does not get bored: love reveals in each other the image of God, which is inexhaustible and unknowable. Such love through all the masks, character traits, habits, body shell sees the true spiritual face of the beloved. And often, already in their declining years, the husband and wife, as it were, regain themselves, but already at a new level of relations.

True love includes caring for the other. Care is a manifestation of the ability to bestow, not bound by considerations of profit and self-interest. Psychologist and philosopher I. Yalom identifies the following characteristics of true care:

Renunciation of conscious attention to oneself, not to think about: what will he think of me? What's in it for me? Do not look for praise, admiration, sexual release, power, money;

Care is active. Mature love loves, not loved. We give lovingly, and are not attracted to another;

Mature care flows from a person's wealth, not from his poverty, from growth, not from need. A person loves not because he needs another, not in order to exist, to be saved from loneliness, but because he cannot do otherwise;

Mature care does not go unrewarded. Through caring, a person receives care. The reward follows, but it cannot be pursued.

True love presupposes respect for the personality of the other. Respect is the recognition of the right of a spouse to make their own choice, their own individual point of view, even if it seems to us unreasonable, incorrect. Sometimes this is very difficult to do. However, it is very important not to try to squeeze your spouse into the Procrustean bed of your own ideas, attitudes, points of view, even, it would seem, from the most good intentions. This, of course, is not good for the relationship. On this occasion, I recall the example described by the holy elder Paisios the Athonite. “Once, while living in the monastery of Stomion, I met a woman in the Cavalry, whose face was shining. She was the mother of five children. Her husband was a carpenter... If the customers made some trifling remark to this man... then he seemed to break loose from the chain. “Is it you who will teach me?!” he shouted, breaking his tools, throwing them into a corner and leaving. Now you can imagine what he did in his own house, if he destroyed everything in other people's houses! With this man it was impossible to live together for a single day, and his wife lived with him for years. Every day she endured torment, but she treated everything with great kindness and covered everything with patience ... “After all, this is my husband,” she thought, “well, let him scold me a little. Maybe I, if I were in his place, would have behaved in the same way. This woman applied the gospel in her life, and therefore God sent His Divine Grace to her.”

But how often do we do otherwise! We are trying to remake, re-educate, reshape the spouse, we are engaged in exhortations, persuasion, we give continuous advice, thereby constantly violating the freedom of the individual and her sovereignty. What is the result? “Good” motives, as a rule, end in a quarrel, conflict, and this is quite understandable: a loved one does not want to “re-educate”, and begins to resist completely legally. Probably, more often you need to remember the words spoken by Ambrose of Optinsky: "Know yourself, and enough is enough for you."

One more example can be given. mm The spouses (Irina and Vyacheslav) lived in a married marriage, as they say, soul to soul. There was agreement on all major issues: values, faith, outlook on life, interests ... Everything was fine, except that the husband could not get rid of the harmful, almost forty-year-old habit of smoking. This became a stumbling block in the relationship of the spouses. Irina, out of good intentions, decided: “I will do everything so that he gets rid of his addiction. After all, it is harmful to health and an Orthodox person has no right to such weakness.” The situation was complicated by the fact that Vyacheslav did not make the same decision for himself.

The wife began to resolutely "eradicate" her husband's deficiency: persuasion, an explanation of the harm of nicotine, threats ... But everything developed according to one scenario. Calm Vyacheslav patiently and for a long time endured all Irina's exhortations, but after a while he exploded and fell with anger at his wife. Relations reached a dead end What to do? Irina did not find an answer to this question. With this problem, she went to her spiritual mentor, hoping to get recommendations for the re-education of Vyacheslav. But everything turned out differently. Laughing at the unsuccessful attempts to reason with her husband, the spiritual father said: “But you knew who you married, why do you think that you can change an adult person?” Then he continued: “You have overlooked the most important thing. It is impossible to change the masculine nature of a woman. All your admonitions are perceived by Vyacheslav as attempts to interfere with his freedom, in his personality, therefore, in response to good persuasion, resistance and irritation arise. Humble yourself and love your husband the way he is. And God will put everything in its place.”

Irina had something to think about - she did not expect such an answer, but she firmly decided to do as her spiritual father said. What was the surprise of the woman when she discovered that after the cessation of "reasoning" relations in the family changed dramatically for the better. The long-forgotten peace and tranquility returned, and the husband began to show care and participation.

The prototype of love without reservations and conditions is the love of the Lord Jesus Christ for humanity, who initially loves everyone, despite our deep sinful distortion and imperfection. The proof of this great love is the death of the Savior, who gave his life for the deliverance of man from eternal death. What more examples are needed! It remains only “a little” - to learn to love your neighbor so as not to think: “Well, let him first correct himself, take the true path, and then I will love him, unconditionally, and truly!”

The whole point is that you need to love a person as he is now, with all his advantages and disadvantages. And then love will melt, transform, reveal all the best, all the most beautiful in the other; you just need to be patient and love. After all, we throw an apple seed into the ground and do not come to harvest in a month, but for many years we patiently look after the tree, and only then we wait for the fruits. The fruits of love do not appear immediately either, the human soul is much more complicated than a plant. And not every tree survives, many die. And more than half of the families break up, bearing no fruit, except for abandoned children and warped souls. Priest Ilya Shugaev compares marriage to two stones, sharp and hard. As long as they don’t touch each other, everything seems to be fine, no one hurts anyone, but put them in a bag and shake them hard and for a long time! ..

In this case, two options are possible: either the stones are hewn and no longer injure each other, or not, and then the bag is torn, and the stones fly out of it. The bag is a family, a marriage. And either spouses rub each other through petty self-sacrifices, or fly apart in anger at each other. A huge number of divorces occur in the first two or three years of marriage. People do not understand that there was no love yet, but there was only love. Love still had to be fought for. And just none of the spouses wanted to get rid of their sharp corners. Then a new marriage is possible, and there the same thing continues as in the first. A man mistakenly believes that he again got a bad wife, and the wife thinks that she was unlucky with her husband. In fact, both do not want to pull the “log” out of their own eyes and build a truly mature and loving relationship.

So, we have listed the main signs of true love. As abbot Georgy (Shestun) notes, “... a person achieves full love all his life. It is a gift of God, which is given by grace. And in order to achieve such love, you need to earn it: you need to acquire grace and keep it. And most importantly - you need to live to love, you need to deserve it. And if that happens, then after a few years the husband looks at his wife, and the wife looks at her husband, and he thinks, "What a blessing that I have married her." And she thinks: "What a blessing that I married him." Understanding that this chosen one is the only one, it is impossible to imagine another person nearby - this is love. But it comes when the ship of family life has overcome many storms, has survived in spite of everything.

Elena Morozova, candidate of psychological sciences