If there were an unequivocal answer to this question, humanity would have been happy a long time ago, living a calm, melodious life, knowing neither troubles nor troubles. Indeed, how great it would be if we were given a recipe for building relationships correctly at school along with a school leaving certificate: take half a kilo of tenderness, add a pinch of passion, sprinkle with love and affection, then mix it all with trust, understanding and patience, and on you will get countless kilograms of the strongest relationship! But this, of course, is impossible, and each person, independently, by trial and error, forges his own happiness! All of us with extraordinary diligence, patience, tirelessly, brick by brick, day and night, build our relationship. Sometimes this process seems unusually difficult. Nothing in life comes easy. To get something, you need to make every effort, and it is not a fact that you will eventually get it. And in such a difficult matter as building relationships with a loved one, in general, one should be especially stubborn, persistent and hardworking. It's like a job, only here the working day lasts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without days off, holidays and holidays. A tempting prospect, isn't it?! Although, if you correctly approach the issue of building relationships, you can achieve colossal results. Maybe there is no unequivocal answer to the question of building strong relationships, but there are still ways to help achieve harmony with your loved one. Yes, of course, they are not universal and are not suitable for everyone, but everyone can try on some of them.
So, let's look at these methods:
1. Trust your loved one
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It's like the foundation of a building. If there is no solid foundation, it will collapse. Whatever one may say, whatever you do with it - the result is the same. And it's not in your favor. Therefore, if initially you do not trust a young man or he does not trust you - do not waste your time and his time in vain, do not try to build a relationship, nothing will work out for you. This is an axiom, an indisputable fact, tested and proven by more than one generation of lovers. When trust leaves a relationship, everything else slowly falls apart too. If everything is in order in your relationship with trust, you are very lucky! Take care of it like the apple of your eye, do not lose it. You should not undermine the other person's faith in you and give reasons for doubt. If your loved one trusts you, you don’t need to experience it again, then you are unlikely to be able to earn his trust again. Treasure this feeling and your relationship will be strong.
2. Respect your man
Respect is also one of the important components of a strong relationship. What kind of relationship can we talk about if you do not respect your loved one. If you build a relationship with a person without respecting him, first of all you do not respect yourself and your choice. Moreover, you should not tolerate disrespectful respect for yourself from a loved one. Self-esteem is the only thing that cannot be taken away from us, so cherish it. Even if you quarrel with your loved one, try never to get personal by insulting him. Choose your expressions when expressing disapproval to your loved one. Remember the well-known saying: “A word is not a sparrow, it will fly out - you won’t catch it!”, it’s better to keep silent once again until the emotions subside, and then, having calmed down, you can express your claims. In the heat of the moment, you can say a lot of unnecessary words to a person, for which you may be forgiven in the future, but the sediment will still remain. Today they will forgive, tomorrow they will forgive, and after a while the cup of patience will overflow, and you will lose your beloved man.
3. Understand your loved one
Of course, a man and a woman will never be able to achieve a complete understanding. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that men came from Mars, and women from Venus, so they speak different languages. But it's still worth a try. Try to just listen carefully to the man. When a man wants something from you, he talks about it directly, unlike us women. Note - directly, you do not need to try to hear something between the lines, men, as a rule, do not use hints, but specifically state their desires. It is we women who can say “no” to mean “yes”. A man only says what he really wants to say. You should not look for hidden meaning in his words. Unfortunately, or fortunately, most men are not verbose, therefore, perceiving the not very large amount of information that your loved one gives you, draw the right conclusions, try not to overthink anything.
4. Try not to throw a tantrum
Most men can't stand women's tears and raising their voices. When a girl starts yelling so that the glass cracks, believe me, no man can stand it. On a subconscious level, an alarm is triggered in them, and a loved one wants to hide away from you. It is clear that it is sometimes difficult for us women to restrain emotions, but in order to build strong, harmonious relationships, try to learn how to control yourself. If, in the heat of a fight, you feel like you're about to yell or cry, take a deep breath and count to ten. This simple trick will help you calm down and pull yourself together. Some couples use stop words. Choose a word that will mean that it's time to stop and end the quarrel. Every time you sort things out in a raised voice and feel that you are breaking down, just say the agreed word out loud, it will serve as a signal that it is time to stop.
5. Be open about your feelings.
If you have any incomprehensible questions for your man, always talk about them directly and openly. Doubt about something? Approach your loved one and ask him to explain everything to you. You should not turn into a detective, trying in different ways to independently find out the answers to your questions. Believe me: nothing good will come of it, you can invent such things that you will get tired of dismantling it later. If you feel something is wrong, speak directly about it. Just do not start your speech with claims. To begin with, tell your loved one about how you love him and how you would like him to do this and that, or do this and that. Understand: frankness and honesty are much better than understatement.
6. Do not limit the freedom of a loved one
You are together, you are a couple, everything is just wonderful and wonderful. But this does not mean at all that now you must constantly be with your young man 24 hours a day. Allow yourself to take a break from each other sometimes. Let your loved one go to football with friends, and at this time you will meet with your girlfriends, relax, chat. These short breaks will certainly do you good. You will have time to miss each other, and will gladly tell each other how you spent time apart. Just don’t let a young man go alone with friends, do him a favor, and then interrogate with passion where he was and what he did. You release him of your own free will, and he is not obliged to account for his every step. Remember: the main thing is trust.
7. Respect his friends
No one forces you to love his friends, but you should at least try to communicate with them politely. His friends are part of his life. Many were with him even when he knew nothing about you, either in sleep or in spirit. Some girls, if they are not satisfied with the friends of their beloved, in every possible way try to forbid their man to communicate with them. Do not do this, most likely, by doing this you will not achieve anything, but only make enemies for yourself in their face. The most correct and wise thing you can do is, on the contrary, try to please them. And then they will become your allies in the fight for the heart of your man. But don't try too hard to impress. Men feel fake, so don't overdo it. Just try to be as natural and free as possible. Be yourself.
8. His parents are sacred
Hack on your nose that the mother and father of a young man are absolutely inviolable people. Never try to somehow criticize them or show dissatisfaction with them. Make peace with them. There can be no other options, just take it for granted.
9. Accept your loved one as he is.
The stupidest thing you can do is try to re-educate an adult. When you begin to build a relationship with a loved one, you should notice all his shortcomings. It is foolish to hope that being in a relationship with you, your beloved will improve. Won't fix. Never. Don't wait for it. People for the most part do not change and, entering into a relationship, each of us is an absolutely formed personality, with its own advantages and disadvantages. If initially you don’t like something in a person, think about whether you can accept it and live with it all your life. If not, leave! Well, if you accept a person with all his shortcomings, then you will have to put up with it. And to accept the beloved man as he is. In turn, it also makes no sense for you to try to somehow adapt to the ideals of another. Let's say for the first time you manage to wear a mask and play the role of the perfect girl. But it won't last long. Sooner or later you will get tired of it, and you will show your true face, not living up to his expectations. If you initially see that a person makes too high demands on you, which you cannot meet, you should not deceive anyone and give false hopes. Just say that you are not ready to be what they want you to be.
10. Find something to do
Nothing brings people together like a common hobby. It will be great if you and your man start doing a common favorite thing. You don't have to force yourself to love football, or demand that your boyfriend learn to cross-stitch, do something that both of you really like. It can be photography, swimming, cinema, music, anything. Find an activity that both of you enjoy. You will have new topics for conversation, and perhaps you will be able to consider new facets in your beloved.
11. Surprise each other
Even the brightest and most passionate feelings eventually begin to fade. Former emotions subside, and men, for the most part, want vivid feelings. Do not allow your loved one to look for novelty on the side. Surprise him more. Change your hair, make up, update your wardrobe. Be different. Arrange romantic dates and surprises for your loved one.
And most importantly - sincerely love each other, no matter what!
Some things to avoid in a relationship to make it strong and happy
Serious and strong relationships do not arise by themselves. . You need to work on them, strives to give them all your free time and patience. Both partners must put their whole soul into making their relationship strong and stable.
What you need to do to build strong relationships
After hundreds of workshops, discussions and analysis of the relationships of various couples, studying methods and examples of how people built strong relationships, we finally found several ways to build them.
Whatever it is you're working on, whether it's friendship, family relationships, or just communication during the candy-bouquet period, you must pay attention to small things and details. They are the foundation of your relationship. Life is built on the little things.
Articles with methods for building strong relationships have already been published a million times, but I consider it necessary to pay attention things to avoid in a relationship.
1. Don't rush things
Because of the desire to quickly feel the emotions of a happy "happy ending", people often miss all the joys of current events. You live right now - do not miss the present, because of thoughts about the future! You need to enjoy the moments and people who are close to you in your present, because tomorrow all this may no longer be.
2. Don't expect your relationship to solve all your problems.
Strong relationships bring joy and pleasure.happiness is within each of us. No one will make you happier and more cheerful than your own inner strength. No one but you will heal your old spiritual wounds, emptiness, and no one will teach you to forgive. Don't make anyone else responsible for your own happiness.
3. Don't even think that building relationships is easy.
Long-term relationships are great, but building them is difficult and not everyone succeeds the first time.
Partners are more and more often visited by thoughts that perhaps they made a mistake, perhaps they chose the wrong person. In short, a bunch of thoughts that cause a terrible feeling of doubt.
But on the other hand, this is a feeling of challenge in the face of uncertainty, the opportunity to reach a new level in your relationship. It makes you move forward towards a happy future.
All feelings are contradictory, and you need to invest in the development of your relationship.
4. Don't let fear take over love and sincerity
You will never lose by loving, only the fear of going forward will keep you underdogs. It is impossible to build a relationship without giving a chance to a loved one.
Love lies in the fact that you allow a person to hurt you, since you open your soul to him, and he is already doing everything not to harm you, but on the contrary, to protect you.
Without trust, love dies.You can’t live with the thought that you will be deceived, you need to learn to trust people. If you want to trust someone, you need people to be able to trust you.
5. Never reveal each other's secrets
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. And if suddenly it was violated, then it takes a lot of time and effort to restore trust.
Recently, at master classes and trainings, more and more often they say “I didn’t deceive her, I just didn’t tell the whole truth.” This statement is contradictory, because understatement is already a lie and pain.
It's just a matter of time before the truth comes out. And they will definitely find out about it, and then there will be no way back, trust in the relationship will no longer be returned. This will be the beginning of the end.
6. No need to hide your feelings
You can't pretend when it comes to feelings. There is no place for pretense in love. You need to be real and sincere in all matters. To be real means to be able to love.
7. The main thing is to be yourself
There is nothing better for relationships and happiness than being yourself despite all life's vicissitudes. Strive to be better.
8. No need to assert yourself at the expense of other people and their feelings.
Never wait for other people's permission to be yourself. Not everything depends on others.
No one can allow or forbid you to be happy and live for your own pleasure. This is your personal decision, your creativity, your conclusions. All this makes you exactly who you are.
9. You can't get mad at each other
Now is the time! It is high time to let go of resentment and misunderstanding. Let's forget about everything that hurts. We'll tell you what we don't like.
Find a common language with those who are dear to you and do your best for this every day. Even if something cannot be forgiven, pull yourself together and forget. Life is too short to remember grudges.
10. The past cannot be changed. Gotta remember this
Happiness in relationships is about come to terms with the fact that the past has already passed and nothing can be changed in it. Sometimes you allow yourself to accept past events, and sometimes they kill you from the inside. But you should always forgive your loved ones. And look to the future with peace in my heart.
11. No need to think that your loved one will always be strong and powerful.
Sometimes loved ones upset us because they cannot support you as we need. But people are not telepathic, and cannot read other people's minds. "I can't stand it" doesn't mean "I don't love you." It simply means that "I, like you, am still struggling."
12. Don't Focus on People's Flaws
Have you done your best to convey your sincere love to other people? The more goodness and light you see in them, the more goodness and light there is in your heart. After all, you can only see in others what is inside you.
13. You don’t need to do something out of a sense of duty, you need to do everything according to the dictates of the heart
Do selfless acts not only for the people you love, but also for strangers. Start doing it today.
Do them because you can do it and it will make the world a brighter and happier place. Always give more than you receive. Shift your priorities away from "How do I get something?" to “How can I give something back?” and you will be delighted with the result, because you will receive more than you gave.
Honestly, the happiest people in strong relationships are looking for ways to help each other. Unhappy people ask themselves the question: “What good is this for me?”
14. Relationships take work.
The craziest and most amazing things happen when you pay attention to someone. You need to breathe life into relationships, pay attention and care.
Now let's think about those you want to take care of. With our crazy schedule, we forget to rest and relax with loved ones. Often parting is measured not in kilometers, but in affection and the ability to wait.
Some may be very close physically, but spiritually they will be hundreds of kilometers apart. So don't ignore your loved ones. The most offensive feeling is to feel that you are not needed, that you are ignored and not noticed.
15. You can't make fun of each other
Be there in good times and bad, no matter what happens - joy or sorrow.
Be ready to be a lifeline, a reliable friend, a quiet listener and a good adviser in any circumstances.
In a stable relationship, everyone should be confident in their partner, in his support and care. We must boldly count on each other, but not when it is convenient for one of them, but when it is really needed.
16. You can’t assume that a person is a constant in your life by necessity, you just need to love him
Now I will try to explain. The art of caring for others lies at the heart of feelings of love and respect. To care means to be able to listen, to give a sense of complicity in the problem and to let people know that they are heard and appreciated.
17. You can’t interrupt when your loved one needs to talk
It takes courage and courage to stand up and speak your mind, but the ability to open the soul and listen requires more courage and strength. You need to be careful and, above all, always be a good listener.
This skill will never be superfluous for you. Since people most often need those who know how to listen, and not those who constantly express their point of view.
The most valuable thing is to get to the bottom of the matter. The main thing is to understand what the interlocutor says between the lines. You are as beautiful as you feel love, and as smart as you can listen.
18. Don't take everything personally.
If you take everything to heart and always assume that people want to offend you, then you will just sulk at everyone all your life.
People act one way or another because of their internal beliefs, and not personally because you think something about them.
Never let the behavior of the people around you affect your inner balance with yourself.
19. Don't deny your self-awareness
When two people meet each other, the one whose inner world is stronger wins. He is stronger in spirit, more self-confident and easier to find a common language with others. You can't kill yourself in a relationship.
20. You don't have to say "yes" when you want to say "no"
You can’t always agree with everyone, people won’t appreciate it, and you will lose yourself. You need to be able to set boundaries and priorities.
21. Don't hold back on yourself and your personal growth.
You need to learn to give people a second chance, but you need to understand that the person with whom you are now together should always develop, and not be a supporter of a static life.
Try to spend less time with those who are afraid to take risks and are always in their "personal comfort" zone.
And if a loved one does not contribute to your development, then it's time to let him go. Your relationships should strengthen you in this long life of your own development, not hurt you.
22. You can not interfere with the development and growth of a loved one
Stable relationships contribute to personal growth, both for the relationship as a whole and for each partner individually. If one of the partners is not happy with the success of the other, then this is most likely an indicator of internal fear.
Even if someone begins to feel that their paths diverge, then you need to disperse with dignity, without harming anyone. Mutual growth is, first of all, the setting of personal goals for each of the partners.
23. You can’t immediately look for a replacement after a break.
Feeling the pain of losing a loved one or friend should not make you feel desperate.
You can not immediately look for a replacement, so as not to feel lonely. Such sudden decisions will prevent you from examining your thoughts and clearing your mind to make the right decision.
24. Don't look at the end of a relationship as a failure.
Even if not all relationships lead to happy endings, it doesn't mean that they were your biggest failure and disappointment. Every person in your life brings you a new experience and teaches you something previously unknown. And this will make your future relationship stronger and more stable.
25. Don't let what's left behind get in the way of your life.
As long as you keep your thoughts on the problems and mistakes of past relationships, you will not be able to create new ones. You can't be afraid of your own fears. We need to fight them.
YOU are the master of your life, you have the power to create new, strong relationships. You already have experience, and you have learned from your mistakes. It's time to get smarter.published . If you have any questions on this topic, ask them to specialists and readers of our project .
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
Strong relationships are built by two people who love and respect each other. Relationships can only be strengthened when everyone cares about making the biggest contribution to this relationship, thereby helping their soul mate become better too. The more you show love, the more you want to do it to another in return, and so on in an endless circle of love, trust, tenderness and acceptance. This is probably the most important secret, but let's talk about its components. By strengthening your relationships in the family, you will strengthen your confidence in other areas of life, receive the best support in the form of love from the person you love, and help him in the same. So love becomes an inexhaustible source that fills all vessels with crystal clear water, so desired on a hot day.
Learn 7 simple secrets that will strengthen your relationship with your partner.
1. Talk to each other
2. Listen to each other
You can listen, and you can hear - these are different things!
Try to understand your partner's feelings. Learn to be considerate by asking questions about various details that will help you learn more about the situation or experience that your loved one is sharing with you.
3. Assess the state of the relationship
Try to protect the relationship before the real danger of their strength and stability comes. Communicate with each other about how you see your relationship, what is missing, whether everyone finds what they expect in them, and together look for ways to embody what each of you wants from this relationship.
Let it be joint construction, not restoration. Remember that your soul mate may not perceive the state of the relationship between you quite the way you do. For example, everything suits you, but something hurts her (him), or vice versa. Therefore, it is important to understand what the other is experiencing in these relationships. Help each other in this.
4. Prevent conflicts before they occur
There are many ways to resolve conflicts, but the best way is to prevent them. Although you and I misunderstand the meaning and importance of conflicts. In fact, conflicts are a necessary component of relationships, you are different! But how you solve them and whether you bring them to quarrels will speak of the maturity of love between you. Be prepared in advance for the fact that there will definitely be conflicts. Do not rush to pour out all your discontent on your beloved (beloved). Learn to talk about your negative experiences also with love. And never go to bed without solving problems.
5. Strive for a balanced life
6. Let your relationship grow and change.
All people change every minute, and you can change with your partner if you take each other's feelings into account. Be open to change, look for ways to change together. Strive for more in your feelings, every day do something that will make them even stronger. Do not think that you have reached the peak of love, all peaks are still ahead of you - do not deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience the fullness of feelings in all its manifestations.
Support the interests of your loved one and find new activities for yourself. Even if everyday work life starts to turn into a routine, bring novelty to your relationship, arrange dates, write notes to each other and go on a picnic!
7. Let Your Difference Strengthen Your Relationship
You are so close, but so different. Each of you is unique, but you can no longer live without each other, these differences only brighten up the relationship. Do not try to make the other the same as you, make him react to situations in the same way as you. Don't see differences as a problem, but see them as a chance to be with someone who can take you out of your own comfort zone. Admire this difference and think about how it will help you overcome various difficulties in life.
Strong relationship to you! Do not forget these secrets, strive to develop them in your relationship with your partner.
Hello our dear readers!
If you already have a loved one, and you want your relationship to always be strong and durable, then our article is just for you. No girl can be fully happy without mutual love and a reliable partner nearby.
In order not to miss your female happiness and feel harmonious with your second half, you should read our advice. We will show you how to build a strong relationship with a man and be satisfied with your personal life.
The mistake of most of the fair sex, as well as the strong half, is that being in a couple, many forget about how they look from the outside. It would seem that here he is the perfect man, it's time to calmly breathe and relax, but there it was. Without making an effort to look attractive and be interesting to a partner, girls become boring and uninteresting.
In communicating with a loved one, it is important to always maintain the desired degree and not let feelings cool down. If at the initial stage passions boil in a couple, you want to tell your beloved everything about yourself, fall asleep and wake up in his arms, then over time such a thrill goes away.
Read also "and you will open a new round in your relationship.
In the case when the girls are not fond of anything, they live only in the interests of their lover and look attractive only on holidays, the result is appropriate.
How to build a strong relationship with a man?
In fact, the secret of a harmonious union is not so complicated. By investing a little bit in a relationship every day, you can advance to the desired heights in a couple of years. If you do not make common gross mistakes, you will be able to maintain warm and reverent feelings even after many decades of family life.
We have prepared for you some effective psychological recommendations.
1. Confidence
The main foundation for a strong union is precisely trust. Without it, it is impossible to move beyond the candy-bouquet period.
Do not give your beloved unnecessary reasons for jealousy and worries. Be honest with each other. Checking the phone, social networks, messages - all this will lead to nothing. You either believe your loved one or you don't.
2. Talk about the secret
It is impossible to build a strong relationship with your beloved man if you are not real friends. The usual small talk and discussion of the latest gossip is good, but not enough.
Do you talk with your partner about the secret, do you find out what is in his soul; Are you interested in his experiences? And he? If yes, then you are both very lucky, because, otherwise, you can move away from each other and cool off. Find out how your loved one lives and breathes - this is important.
3. personal territory
If at the beginning of the novel, the lovers simply do not want to move away from each other and do everything together, then after a certain time it gets boring. A little personal space and time for yourself never hurt anyone. You should not always and everywhere go only together, as it is easy to get tired of this. Give yourself and your partner some time to get bored.
By allocating time once a week to be with friends (and sending your loved one to friends), you can only improve relationships. A relaxed friendly atmosphere will benefit both. Do you and your loved one have a hobby? Then give it time and it is not necessary to “drag” the other half along with you.
Having just your chair, a desk in your home, or even a room is also helpful. You should have your own tiny territory where you can recuperate and be alone with yourself and your thoughts.
4. Take care of the feelings of your loved one
It is extremely difficult to build a strong relationship with a man without caring. And here it is not only about delicious soups, washed shirts and a clean apartment, but about something more. Don't give your partner unnecessary worries or confusion.
You know about his weaknesses, and during quarrels constantly tell him about them - stop it! Do not offend your lover, because no matter how strong men are, they also have feelings. Avoid inappropriate jokes, ridicule and irony. What seems funny to you is painful to another person.
5. The strength of a woman is in her weakness!
Unfortunately, lately the fair sex wants to decide everything and for everyone. Women have forgotten that their destiny is to be the keepers of the hearth and a joy for their beloved. If you often try to pull the blanket over yourself in communication and decide everything for your partner, then stop!
You will never build a strong and harmonious relationship with a man in this way. Allow yourself to be weak and defenseless, and your partner will want to take care of you. Give your loved one the opportunity to solve important issues and show their strengths.
6. No tantrums!
It will be difficult for you to build a strong relationship with your man if you take it out on him every time you fight. Scream and tears just unsettle men. It is not comfortable for the stronger sex to be in a place where he is constantly “brained”.
Do you want to scream at your loved one? Then take a deep breath, count to 10 and try to calm down. In a relationship where peace and tranquility reigns for both, it is much easier to be. Sometimes it's good to keep your emotions to yourself. Together with your loved one, you can choose a stop word and, using it during a quarrel, show your beloved that it's time to stop swearing.
Dear readers, we hope that our advice will help you build the kind of relationship that you have long dreamed of.
Remember that a woman should always be wiser, because she is the neck, and the man is the head. Let your lover be the head of your union and just guide him wisely.
You should become such a companion so that your loved one can be proud of you and tell your friends and colleagues what a happy man he is.
Share this article with a friend:00:00 5.11.2015
You want to be happy with a man, and this desire is normal. But how to get along with another person? How to find ways to each other and remain yourself at the same time? Psychologists Tatyana Vlasyuk and Doris Castillo Mendoza helped us to understand these issues.
We all read fairy tales as children. Ah, what love there was! Cinderella and the Prince, Beauty and the Beast, Sleeping Beauty and (also) the Prince, Vasilisa the Beautiful and Ivan (the Fool or the Tsarevich - it doesn't matter). Then we grew up a little, reading up to the holes of years like in 13-14 "Scarlet Sails", where Assol waited for her Gray, a multi-volume series of "Angelica", "Gone with the Wind", "Singing in the Blackthorn" ...
We read them, at times, at night with a flashlight under the covers, bursting into tears of delight. And then dreamed, dreamed, dreamed. Of course, imagining yourself in the place of the main character - but what else?! At the age of 16-17, they experienced their first love, largely idealized, not always mutual, bright. Then - the second, the third ... We left, left us. The ground shook underfoot, scars remained on the soul. Then, probably, you uttered for the first time mentally or aloud the phrase "all men are ...". The synonymic row is rich and consists entirely of negative epithets.
It hurt every time, but we still fall in love again - that's life. "But again the grass will sprout through all the obstacles and misfortunes. Love is a spring country, because only in it there is happiness," Larisa, the "dowry" sang in the film "Cruel Romance". But each of us, saying goodbye to another love (always the last one), asked herself Tsvetaeva's question: "My dear, what have I done to you ?!"
Let's work on the bugs. It may be hard to believe, but ideal relationships do exist. It happens, it can happen to you. And it doesn't matter if you're just waiting for him, you've already met him, or you've been together for a long time.
"The ideal couple is two people, a man and a woman, who, being together, remain themselves. They do not play roles, do not lie or manipulate, but appear as they are. And they love this openness and trust in themselves, and in a partner." Our consultants offer several original techniques and tests that will help you understand yourself and understand your relationship with a loved one.
How to meet the right man
Do you think you need to lose weight first? But no! You need to start not with external attributes of beauty, but with work on yourself.
You - the one and only: realize your own worth. When a woman appreciates herself, it is as if a crown appears on her head. Not arrogance and pride, but the crown of self-love.
It is on your quality of love and respect for yourself that the corresponding person is attracted, who, by his behavior and attitude towards you, shows how you treat yourself. Therefore, it depends only on you what kind of man will be next to you.
Let yourself wish
There is the Law of Pure Desire, which says: "As long as we keep the intention pure, a positive result is guaranteed. But if we pollute our desire with fear, greed, or the desire to get someone else, it is unlikely to be realized."
There are five qualities in the Law of Pure Desire:
- hope
- inspiration
- faith
- knowing that you deserve the best
- retreat
A conflict of intentions can prevent your desires from coming true. You want love. But uncertainty and anxiety cool enthusiasm and provoke feelings of fear and anxiety: "What if I do something stupid again, say something wrong, trust the wrong person? What if I fail again?"
Stop. If you want to attract love into your life, you need absolute faith that you deserve it and everything will be fine. In love, it is the firm belief that you can love and be loved.
Adopt affirmations: "I am worthy of love and respect", "I can love and be loved", "I deserve to be loved for who I am."
Believe me, no matter what happened in the past, no matter what you thought about yourself before, you deserve love. But! To make your wish come true, give up being tied to the result. Be happy here and now, not when you meet the right person. It's very important not to dwell on it. Especially when you are 30-35 years old.
In psychology, there is such a thing as "panic of closing gates": you need to give birth to a child, and you need to get married - I'm late! This panic attracts into life something completely alien to you. You can’t allow yourself to despair or fuss, you need to clearly understand what you want and what you deserve. You can not live, constantly thinking about how to attract a man. This state repels with the same force as it attracts.
One hundred percent pleasure
“The most correct state in which a woman needs to be is to simply enjoy life, herself, her mood. After all, according to Gabriel Garcia Marquez, all the most beautiful things happen unexpectedly, when we don’t expect it. This is the right state.
Do not pull to yourself with all your mental strength, but enjoy! The same person will come to the enjoyment of a woman by herself and life. As soon as you start devoting enough time to yourself, doing what you love, what you like - going to dances, traveling, reading, listening to music, learning something new, interesting and worthy people appear around you, life gives you gifts and new acquaintances," our consultants are sure.
And, you must admit, to stay in such a state, large material resources are not needed. Start doing what you have long wanted, but there was no time.
"It is important for a woman to learn to be happy alone with herself, from herself, then she will be happy with a man. A mistake that we often make is to tie our happiness to a partner or an event that will happen sometime."
The reaction of the world to you reflects your inner state.
All mans…
I remember an anecdote: "The biology teacher cried and called pestles horned artiodactyls." So. Try to permanently exclude from the lexicon phrases (and thoughts) like "all men ..." and further down the negative synonymic row.
“In order to attract the right partner, you need to understand and respect each of the surrounding men. Learn, looking at the one you meet, to see something good in him, do not condemn the masculine gender as such.
Don't judge, don't neglect, don't blame. Accept!
Enter this state, and a high-level partner will be attracted to you. You will send completely different signals, project yourself differently. The result - a man in your life will take the right place," says Tatyana.
Let's enjoy the wait
This technique will help attract the right man into your life. Practice it a couple of times a week. Choose a calm and quiet place in your house, sit or lie down, relax. Take a deep breath in and out a few times. Feel how stress and tension go to the floor under your feet. You are warm, calm and serene.
On the next breath, imagine that five years have passed, and you and your loved one are in a pleasant place. Maybe the two of you are at a table in a cozy restaurant, maybe in bed. Stop for a minute and pay attention to what you are doing now - the details.
Are you married? Do you have children? Take a breath and feel the joy of this scene. Your dream has come true. You are close to your soul mate, you love each other. Let this reality fill your heart and mind. Imagine that you look into his eyes and remember what you were doing shortly before you met him.
Now again remember the present moment, leaving this joyful state with you. Remember that by making a promise to yourself to get the most out of each day, you have already connected in your mind with your loved one. As you prepare yourself for his appearance, so he prepares for a meeting with you.
Take the last and deepest breath, as you exhale, fold your arms at your chest. Slowly open your eyes.
After that, take the time to write down something you and your partner would love to remember, and promise yourself to start creating that experience right now. There is a chance that the ideas came to your mind for a reason...
Relations at the start
You met a man. You are just getting started. Do you have vague doubts? Then read on.
Time magazine collaborated with CNN to conduct a study. As a result, it turned out that women are more likely than men to reject marriage or close relationships, waiting to meet the Ideal Man. And men tend to forgive a woman more if they like her appearance. But we, women, judge strictly and quickly. Are we winning? In fact, ideal in nature does not exist. The ideal partner for you is the one with whom you feel the best. And the first sign is when partners are comfortable in any situation. Even be silent.
I accept you...
At the initial stage of a relationship, it is important to help yourself, a new relationship. How? Negotiate: "Let's accept each other as we are. If you snore - okay. I'm munching. We're people..."
Tell yourself: "I accept my partner as a person."
Difficult? Do one more exercise. Divide a sheet of paper in half. On the left, write what annoys you in him, pisses you off, and on the right - everything that “turns on” you, and likes, and supports, and inspires you in him.
Look - what is actually more. And honestly give an assessment - are you ready to accept this minus, looking at this plus? And what else do you need to work on to reduce this minus. After all, as soon as a sock forgotten under the bed stops annoying you, it miraculously evaporates somewhere. A man can change.
Speaking of princes
"Very often, many of those who are waiting for a prince on a white horse overly idealize a man. This attitude is instilled by mothers in their daughters, because girls like fairy tales and movies about ideal relationships. They begin to live in this world and then it is very difficult to find a life partner, " Doris notes.
It is important to understand and realize that a man, just like a woman, can be different, ideal in something, not in something. Allow initially for yourself the possibility of being imperfect. If a woman has an ideality syndrome, then she is very demanding of herself, she tries to be perfect herself, and wants the same ideal partner. But it may not exist in nature.
“An idealist woman should relax, enjoy life, allow herself to manifest herself in different ways, not meet the standards.
In the same way, a man - he can be better than the norms that you came up with for him. In order to understand this, you can also sit down and pee. What is my ideal for me? As far as all these points that I have prescribed are important, critical and principled for me. Essentially a blond with blue eyes? Where there is categoricalness, there is no longer freedom. Or maybe fate has already prepared for her a brunette with brown eyes?" - adds Tatyana.
By the way, where are your wings?
And is this the man? The answer to this question lies in the realm of intuition.
But. He is not yours if, after some time after the start of your communication, you begin to feel a breakdown. Inspiration, vital activity disappears, and quarrels, showdowns draw all the vital juices out of you. If this is grinding, it’s not scary, because in moments of intimacy, when everything is fine, partners fill each other with energy. But if there is no filling, only a constant release, a drain of energy, this is not your relationship.
On the contrary, if you feel that wings are growing, if you are complimented, how younger you are, you look cool, this is an indicator that your man is next to you.
Together for life
You have been a couple for a long time, the honeymoon is over. How to learn to coexist together with two realized people?
When an accomplished woman meets an equally self-sufficient man, the question of compatibility of freedoms arises. Everyone is used to their non-free schedule, to express their opinion, no one wants to obey - how can they find a common language? It's a question!
And I love looking out the window!
The first recommendation for those who are already a couple, at first glance, is simple. You need to sit down and have a cup of tea or coffee without pretensions and any reproaches to tell each other what you like to do. But it's easier to write lists: what each partner likes or dislikes.
Divide a piece of paper in half. One half is what you like, the second is what you really don’t like, what is not yours, what you don’t like, what upsets, brings discomfort, what upsets the other half, what makes you sad. A man and a woman write lists, then they are discussed together.
“I love it when you bring me coffee in the morning”, “I like it when you come home from work and tell me “Hi, mouse!” - maximum details!
The couple writes down the details of their relationship, looking through the last few years of their lives, to the maximum "I love it when you water the flowers", "I love to sit in the kitchen and be silent, looking out the window when you respect it and don't touch me."
First we discuss who loves what, then the second column. “So you say that I’m inattentive, it hurts me, I get upset”, “I don’t like to visit relatives “for show”, “I don’t like to pull your socks out from under the bed.”
The task is for each of the partners to enter the state of introspection as deeply as possible, to think slowly, allocating at least an hour or two for this, to create a suitable atmosphere.
The demand "I love it, so you do it to me, otherwise you will be guilty" is unacceptable. The conversation should not proceed in line with the presentation of claims to each other. "You know", "it turns out", "it seems to me" - that's a set of phrases. This work is an investment in yourself, in your relationships.
And on Saturdays we have diflop
“The second technique is family rituals. It is designed to help each other experience more states that they like. We recommend that women take the initiative to organize all this,” says Tatyana. “You can arrange a week of some country, a week of fortune: generosity, gratitude ( a week we thank each other for all the little things) or a week without comments - no matter what the husband does."
This technique is very helpful to get to know your partner. It seems to us that if we live together for a long time, then the partner knows what we love and what not, just like we do, by default, and he may not even know about it!
After all, most people are not telepaths at all! We also recommend going to concerts, going to the cinema, going to sports events together, playing "mafia" with friends, running together, cooking dinner - not spontaneously, but on certain days, so that there are things that will later be called family traditions, couple traditions, what they do together.
One of the recommendations is to start a book of funny moments and joint jokes. Some things that make both of them happy. For example, they pulled out a phrase from a movie they watched together, they remembered it - fix it in a book. Or start such a game: "When we say this phrase, we mean it" - this is how you can play, for example, at a party.
In the film "What Men Talk About" - "diflop" - the dish is like that, one word, one phrase, and how much it costs! For example, the wife is going to cook something unusual for dinner and calls the dish "diflope". It is exquisite, it is very small - therefore - diflop. Little things like that turn into family jokes.
You can watch movies together, pull out phrases from there and apply to situations in family life, phrases that will mean something, dilute everyday life and bring an element of the game into it. "We are approaching the end of the month, we will eat diflop - it is not enough, it is expensive."
And if you touch on sexual relations in a couple in order to somehow resume them, you can also use the technique of rituals. For example, every Saturday take a bath together with candles and music. Or lay on Saturday, for the whole weekend, a silk bed ...
You touch me with your hand
Another powerful technique for a couple who has been together for a long time is to choose a week and only touch, kiss, caress each other - and not have sex at the same time. It's called the Sensing Expectation Technique. We take a bath together, wipe each other with a towel, rub our backs, but no further.
After that, if the couple is really together, feelings intensify. There is a honeymoon feeling - you touch each other, as if for the first time. Men also like it, this is a state of foreplay, a kind of expectation. By nature, a man is a conqueror, and he is interested in doing it again and again.
Rewind the tape
Is there any development in your couple? Rewind the tape five years, ten years. Then you were alone, now you are different. This development should be reflected on you - on your inner state, on some material values, increasing your positive attitude, improving mutual understanding.
If you have lived a certain amount of time together, and remember losses, illnesses, problems, conflicts - this is also a marker of how correctly you chose a partner, how harmoniously you developed, and whether you are a couple at all. In fact, development is possible without these negative aspects and serious cataclysms. If life sends them, it means that we do not see and do not understand something.
You can develop more environmentally. No one says that it will be calm and even, but nevertheless, life together can be a pleasure, with real interest, and not leaps from scandal to reconciliation.
Excessive emotional swings are the first indicator that something is wrong in a couple. Even at the very beginning of a relationship.
There may be great strong love, but if it is too bright, with jealousy, quarrels, this is an alarm signal. “When a person tries to control another, manipulate him, this is not love, but an artificial attachment to oneself. It is important to understand: as soon as we catch ourselves in a state of jealousy, something is wrong in the relationship,” Tatyana is sure.
The more freedom we give to a partner, the more ideal we are for each other. There is no need to be afraid to internally let go of a loved one and allow him to do as he chooses. It's so nice to realize that this person wants to be with you according to his own sincere and free desire, and not because he is being held by the throat.
If a man pays attention to you, makes some gifts, not because he "needs", for show, but because he just wants to please you, appreciate and take care of this attitude.
"A man wants to take him there - let's go. He offers something - we agree. Follow him! No need to say that it's expensive, it's not necessary, and" I don't like and don't understand football at all. "If an impulse arises, it cannot be stopped "The next may not be. By taking the initiative of another person, you can build an ideal relationship," Doris is sure.
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